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1
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(Man) ♪ And I can't swim over
2
00:00:54,721 --> 00:01:01,058
♪ And neither have I wings to fly
3
00:01:01,094 --> 00:01:06,555
♪ If I could find me a handy boatman
4
00:01:06,599 --> 00:01:10,695
♪ To ferry me over to my love and die ♪
5
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:15,071
- Morning, Beau.
- Hiya, Rachel. Grub?
6
00:01:15,108 --> 00:01:16,905
I'll bring it up.
7
00:01:19,846 --> 00:01:22,041
Ooh!
8
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,550
- I've got you some beer.
- Thanks.
9
00:01:28,154 --> 00:01:30,679
Just look at the state of you.
10
00:01:45,371 --> 00:01:47,805
- Very hot.
- I've been working.
11
00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:58,849
I think you should take a break.
12
00:01:58,885 --> 00:02:00,876
I need it.
13
00:02:04,657 --> 00:02:07,148
What? What happened?
14
00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:09,184
The earth moved, I think.
15
00:02:37,757 --> 00:02:41,887
- What is it?
- I've got no idea. It's worth finding out.
16
00:02:48,968 --> 00:02:53,462
Won't be a tick, Lovejoy.
Need a present for Wilfred and Daphne.
17
00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:55,201
Azi Kumar is a grocer.
18
00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:57,971
The man's an absolute marvel.
Sells everything.
19
00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:00,975
Oh, well, ask the marvel
20
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:04,745
if he's got a pair
of four-inch number eight coach bolts,
21
00:03:04,784 --> 00:03:07,309
with square heads and octagonal nuts.
22
00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:09,344
Right.
23
00:03:11,658 --> 00:03:14,252
Personally, I've never heard of them.
24
00:03:14,294 --> 00:03:16,228
How do, Lovejoy.
25
00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:18,355
Morning, memsahib. How goes it?
26
00:03:18,398 --> 00:03:20,628
Absolutely pukka, Azi.
27
00:03:23,336 --> 00:03:25,497
The village of Great Buckling,
28
00:03:26,806 --> 00:03:29,866
reborn to the locals,
29
00:03:29,909 --> 00:03:32,742
after 15 years in a yuppy's stranglehold.
30
00:03:32,779 --> 00:03:35,771
Oh, it was a treat
to see them scurrying back to London
31
00:03:35,815 --> 00:03:37,908
when house prices hit the deck.
32
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:41,614
And you know
what the real cherry on the top was?
33
00:03:41,654 --> 00:03:44,714
Azi's shop used to be an estate agent's.
34
00:03:48,127 --> 00:03:52,154
Even the church is being reconsecrated
after 20 years in the wilderness.
35
00:03:52,198 --> 00:03:55,224
That's right. A church opening
instead of closing.
36
00:03:55,268 --> 00:03:58,829
There's even a new reverend,
R.J. Fairbrother, whoever he is.
37
00:03:58,871 --> 00:04:01,704
Look at this. James Shotley, Alice Shotley.
38
00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:03,868
Who's that? That's Raymond Shotley.
39
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:09,075
Claud Shotley, Arthur Shotley.
No wonder there's only three of them left.
40
00:04:09,115 --> 00:04:11,208
There's Wilfred, his sister Daphne
41
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:16,814
and their nephew Christian, a spotty-faced
Herbert who joined the army to see the world.
44
00:04:23,062 --> 00:04:26,225
James Harold Shotley.
45
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:31,397
Died last month, leaving death duties
that make you want to believe in eternal life.
46
00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:33,098
- Lovejoy!
- Yo!
47
00:04:33,139 --> 00:04:36,973
- Do you want your nuts chamfered or ordinary?
- Ooh! One of each.
48
00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:39,444
I take it all back. The man's a marvel.
49
00:04:42,982 --> 00:04:44,973
- Thanks, Azi. Bye-bye.
- Bye.
50
00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:58,629
Pure Pakistani silk, Wilfred.
51
00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:03,460
But I've got a tie.
52
00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:07,303
Yes, well, now you have two, dear,
to ring the changes with.
53
00:05:08,074 --> 00:05:10,838
- Want a tie?
- Take no notice of him, Jane.
54
00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:14,313
He's been a miserable old devil
ever since Jimbo fell off his perch.
55
00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:17,441
- Oh, Jimbo meaning James?
- Our brother, yes.
56
00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:19,246
What have you brought me?
57
00:05:19,285 --> 00:05:23,278
It's a rather nice shawl, actually.
Well, I liked it, anyway.
58
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:28,158
- It's from Pakistan.
- Yes, it's lovely.
59
00:05:28,194 --> 00:05:30,287
It's red.
60
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,628
She can't bear red.
61
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:34,963
Drains her face.
62
00:05:36,536 --> 00:05:38,697
Here.
63
00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:43,666
- Jane, how lovely to see you.
- Oh, Christian, hello!
64
00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:47,942
How nice to see you, too,
looking so well and... well.
65
00:05:47,980 --> 00:05:50,448
- Without the spots, she means.
- You remember Lovejoy.
66
00:05:50,483 --> 00:05:53,213
Mmm. Er... Need your help.
67
00:05:54,787 --> 00:05:58,416
You'd agree that a chair is a chair,
and a table a table.
68
00:05:58,458 --> 00:06:01,950
Well, to a civilian, yeah.
You eat off one, you sit on the other.
69
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:08,762
Yes, well, I have two choices.
Solvent civilian or penniless man of culture.
70
00:06:08,801 --> 00:06:11,201
He's done a deal with the taxman.
71
00:06:11,237 --> 00:06:14,968
Letting him have what's in the dining room
instead of death duties.
72
00:06:15,007 --> 00:06:17,976
Yes, well, it's about the only treasure
we've got.
73
00:06:18,010 --> 00:06:21,241
I thought I'd better have it valued first, though.
74
00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:23,612
In case they try to shaft him.
75
00:06:31,591 --> 00:06:33,582
What do you reckon, then, Lovejoy?
76
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:38,057
Yeah, it's a lovely piece of work.
77
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:43,096
Don't get craftsmanship like that any more,
do you, fella?
78
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,229
(Jane) How much are the death duties?
79
00:06:45,271 --> 00:06:48,570
(Christian) Er... Thirty thousand. It's the land.
80
00:06:48,608 --> 00:06:52,374
You er... You couldn't raise it any other way,
could you?
81
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:57,782
Well, I put some acreage up for sale,
but no one wants to buy it these days.
82
00:06:57,817 --> 00:06:59,284
We're all in the same boat.
83
00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:05,484
Well, I hate to be the bloke who tells you this,
84
00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:08,790
but the table's worth about five grand.
85
00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:11,987
Same goes for the chairs.
86
00:07:12,799 --> 00:07:15,063
You said he was an expert.
87
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:17,934
Wilfred, they're copies.
88
00:07:17,970 --> 00:07:20,564
They're good, but they're copies.
89
00:07:21,674 --> 00:07:24,541
So, where does that leave Christian?
90
00:07:24,577 --> 00:07:29,640
Well, keeping his mouth shut. Hopefully,
the taxman won't know treacle from tart.
91
00:07:29,682 --> 00:07:32,742
When's he coming to value this stuff,
by the way?
92
00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:34,776
Tomorrow.
93
00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:38,348
But... won't that be cheating, Lovejoy?
94
00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:44,762
No, no, no, no, no.
It's just a bit of a reshuffling of moral priorities.
95
00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:48,733
For two hundred and fifty quid,
I'll point him in the wrong direction.
96
00:07:49,769 --> 00:07:51,760
Sounds like cheating to me.
97
00:07:52,705 --> 00:07:54,866
What do you say, Uncle?
98
00:07:54,907 --> 00:07:57,637
I agree. It's cheating.
99
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,140
Let's cheat.
100
00:08:02,715 --> 00:08:04,706
Hey, Beau, do you want a drink?
101
00:08:14,126 --> 00:08:16,492
How's it going, Mr. Dill? Eric?
102
00:08:16,529 --> 00:08:18,258
Ah, evening, Beau.
103
00:08:18,297 --> 00:08:21,755
Before you settle down,
over there is asking for you.
104
00:08:27,306 --> 00:08:30,366
Yeah, right.
You didn't happen to catch her name, did you?
105
00:08:30,409 --> 00:08:34,641
Donna. You met her at the traffic lights,
George Street, Wednesday morning.
106
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:37,114
Got her. Back in a tick.
107
00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:43,578
Hi.
108
00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:49,823
Those lights were on amber. She told me.
109
00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:54,265
So he had all of what, ten seconds
to make his play? And now look at her.
110
00:08:55,601 --> 00:08:59,037
Some of us have it, dear boy. Others don't.
111
00:08:59,071 --> 00:09:01,062
Well, you're good at darts.
112
00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:05,540
Get your hands off!
113
00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:17,453
What can I get you, Mr. Dill? The usual?
114
00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:22,052
That's very kind of you, Beau.
Eric'll have a pint of sour grapes.
115
00:09:28,834 --> 00:09:30,734
Come on, then, Beau.
116
00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:32,761
Tell us, why did Donna storm out?
117
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:38,602
You are now looking at a man who no longer
covets his neighbor's ass or wife.
118
00:09:38,644 --> 00:09:43,013
Or if he does, rather,
he no longer tries to pull it.
119
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:46,951
The light dawns.
120
00:09:46,986 --> 00:09:50,547
He's come to us for help with his celibacy.
121
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:54,916
Oh, you've come to the right people.
We're the professionals.
122
00:09:54,961 --> 00:09:56,952
No, no, nothing like that.
123
00:09:57,496 --> 00:10:01,489
If I was to tell you that I, Derek Whittaker,
might or might not have found
124
00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:04,264
something which may or may not
be worth a few bob...
125
00:10:04,303 --> 00:10:07,830
- If I said I'd found it, would you be interested?
- We'd be fascinated.
126
00:10:07,873 --> 00:10:09,864
If a little confused.
127
00:10:12,311 --> 00:10:14,302
Perhaps this'll help.
128
00:10:17,917 --> 00:10:22,115
- Thanks for giving us first option.
- Yeah, but holes in walls are ten a penny.
129
00:10:22,154 --> 00:10:25,521
- You want Sotheby's, mate.
- Fair enough. I'm out of here.
130
00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:30,552
But if you're interested, nine o'clock
tomorrow morning, Great Buckling church.
131
00:10:30,596 --> 00:10:36,091
Beau, how come thou no longer covetest
thy neighbor's ass?
132
00:10:37,269 --> 00:10:40,295
Promise you won't laugh or tell anyone?
133
00:10:41,407 --> 00:10:43,398
Our lives on it.
134
00:10:45,077 --> 00:10:47,068
I'm in love.
135
00:10:55,721 --> 00:10:59,350
For a randy dog, Beau,
you're one hell of a craftsman.
136
00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:03,723
So come on, then. Where's this hole?
137
00:11:03,763 --> 00:11:05,754
Due north of that skull.
138
00:11:10,102 --> 00:11:13,196
Yes, from the weave and the weft,
139
00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:16,140
I'd say 18th century.
140
00:11:16,976 --> 00:11:20,412
Almost certainly a flag.
141
00:11:21,914 --> 00:11:25,748
For some reason, I feel shame.
142
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:30,355
If it's worth anything,
remember, I'm the one who found it.
143
00:11:30,389 --> 00:11:34,621
Oh, we'll conduct our business
according to the usual rules, young man.
144
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,688
(Creaking)
145
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,827
(Whimpers)
146
00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:46,964
- What is it?
- Oh, my God!
147
00:11:48,340 --> 00:11:50,740
What's the matter?
148
00:11:50,776 --> 00:11:55,213
The distance between me and the ground
is what's the matter.
149
00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:03,412
Oh! Why did you let him up there,
you pillock?
150
00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:08,223
- Am I the man's keeper?
- Come on down, you silly old fool.
151
00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:10,888
Oh, yes, very sensitive, Lovejoy.
152
00:12:10,930 --> 00:12:14,422
I'll just get the shovel
to scrape him up when he jumps.
153
00:12:16,268 --> 00:12:19,169
- Well?
- Don't shout at me, Lovejoy.
154
00:12:19,205 --> 00:12:23,972
It's a disease, vertigo.
I've had it since my first pair of Cuban heels.
155
00:12:26,178 --> 00:12:31,377
Listen, I should be helping Christian Shotley
schmooze the taxman.
156
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:35,717
- I really haven't got time for this.
- Shotley? Keep away from that mob, Lovejoy.
157
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:38,223
They're mad as hatters. It's that inbreeding.
158
00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:42,853
They fought in the American Revolution,
which, you recall, we failed to put down.
159
00:12:44,463 --> 00:12:46,795
Have you always trusted me or not, partner?
160
00:12:46,832 --> 00:12:50,893
Lovejoy, if this is leading to a manly embrace,
I'd rather we skipped it.
161
00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:53,962
- Do you trust me or not?
- Of course not!
162
00:12:54,006 --> 00:12:55,473
- Exactly.
- That's why we get on.
163
00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:57,271
Exactly.
164
00:12:57,309 --> 00:13:01,109
But you were the one that convinced me
that I had, you know, the gift.
165
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:04,541
You know, I could always sniff out winners.
166
00:13:04,583 --> 00:13:08,144
Under floorboards, behind brick walls,
beneath ten coats of paint, right?
167
00:13:08,187 --> 00:13:10,087
Yes, you could sniff out gold.
168
00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:12,750
Yeah, well, Shotley Farm,
169
00:13:13,592 --> 00:13:15,583
it's crying out to me, Tink.
170
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,357
- With what?
- I don't know.
171
00:13:17,396 --> 00:13:19,660
All I know is I need your nose there as well.
172
00:13:19,698 --> 00:13:23,498
It could be Shaker stuff, it could be...
173
00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:25,629
- Colonial furniture!
- Yeah, it could be.
174
00:13:25,671 --> 00:13:28,003
Those Redcoat garrisons.
175
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,803
- Yeah.
- Tons of it!
176
00:13:30,843 --> 00:13:33,505
Chairs! Chests!
177
00:13:34,146 --> 00:13:37,445
Benches and bedsteads and pictures.
178
00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:41,852
- Wonderful pictures!
- If it's there, we might as well have it.
179
00:13:41,887 --> 00:13:46,187
The damned fools burned loads of it
and the lot went to mice.
180
00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:50,760
Hey, Lovejoy! I'm down!
181
00:14:00,406 --> 00:14:02,397
(Sniffing)
182
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:14,983
I don't usually work to an audience.
183
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:18,547
I hope you don't expect
a closing song. (Chuckles)
184
00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:22,561
Ah! These markings, Mr. Lovejoy.
185
00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:24,722
Oh, yes, the number of the ship.
186
00:14:24,763 --> 00:14:27,891
I'd say the table was made
from salvage timber.
187
00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:29,662
21 was the Arundel.
188
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,500
The flagship of Henry VI!
189
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:34,369
- Mmm.
- Interesting.
190
00:14:34,406 --> 00:14:38,672
I reckon it's all part of a package made
for Bishop Mullins, a henchman of Henry's,
191
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,702
who had a gaff down the road.
192
00:14:41,647 --> 00:14:45,811
Well, the Yorkists murdered him
and his sister flogged off the family furniture.
193
00:14:45,851 --> 00:14:49,651
Now, the Shotleys knew a bargain when they...
when they saw one,
194
00:14:49,688 --> 00:14:51,952
so they... they...
195
00:14:51,991 --> 00:14:53,982
What are you doing?
196
00:14:58,764 --> 00:15:00,755
What are you doing?
197
00:15:04,169 --> 00:15:05,534
What do you smell?
198
00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:09,473
I smell a rat. Are you here to value this
or is Big Brother closing in on me?
199
00:15:09,508 --> 00:15:14,070
Hush now, Mr. Lovejoy. Anyone would think
you'd been fiddling your tax returns.
200
00:15:16,815 --> 00:15:19,648
- What do you smell?
- I don't smell anything.
201
00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:22,449
Formaldehyde. In the glue.
202
00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:26,754
Which dates the chairs around 1960, I reckon.
203
00:15:29,962 --> 00:15:32,021
As do the clamp marks on the table.
204
00:15:33,732 --> 00:15:35,791
The distressing doesn't convince me either.
205
00:15:36,902 --> 00:15:39,393
Sorry, Mr. Shotley. Can't risk it.
206
00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:42,032
You still owe the nation £30,000.
207
00:15:47,212 --> 00:15:50,113
Go on. Have a little play.
208
00:15:50,149 --> 00:15:53,209
Cheer up. We'll get by somehow.
209
00:16:23,215 --> 00:16:25,046
You knew, didn't you?
210
00:16:27,119 --> 00:16:29,053
Knew what?
211
00:16:29,088 --> 00:16:32,888
That the table and chairs were fakes.
Now, what's going on?
212
00:16:32,925 --> 00:16:35,257
(Hums)
213
00:16:35,294 --> 00:16:37,285
I'm going to the church.
214
00:17:00,652 --> 00:17:03,450
My father bought me some soldiers
one Christmas.
215
00:17:04,256 --> 00:17:07,020
French grenadiers and guards.
216
00:17:10,429 --> 00:17:13,626
We played the battle of Waterloo,
217
00:17:13,665 --> 00:17:16,896
with brazil nuts for the British.
218
00:17:16,935 --> 00:17:20,564
I'm proud to say the brazil nuts won.
219
00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:21,595
Pow!
220
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:25,371
You're never too old to be young, my friend.
Want a game?
221
00:17:32,818 --> 00:17:34,911
Here we go.
222
00:17:34,953 --> 00:17:36,944
That's fine. That's it, that's it.
223
00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:38,923
Right, down. Lower it down.
224
00:17:38,957 --> 00:17:40,948
Ow! Ow! Hang on, hang on. Ow!
225
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,052
Watch the fingers.
226
00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:48,592
Right, what have we got in here, then?
227
00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:55,673
Hey, hey, careful, careful! You'll tear it.
228
00:17:59,978 --> 00:18:02,378
I think we've got something here, you know.
229
00:18:06,385 --> 00:18:08,751
Oh, it's beautiful!
230
00:18:08,787 --> 00:18:11,483
(Imitates gunshots)
231
00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:22,223
(Sings to herself)
232
00:18:23,802 --> 00:18:25,793
Right, chuck us the flag.
233
00:18:27,539 --> 00:18:29,530
No!
234
00:18:30,742 --> 00:18:32,733
Oh, sorry.
235
00:18:34,346 --> 00:18:36,746
Where did you find this?
236
00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:41,344
Erm... Up there, love. A bit of restoration work,
you know, tidying the place up.
237
00:18:42,488 --> 00:18:44,353
- Thank you.
- Give it to me!
238
00:18:44,389 --> 00:18:46,380
Hey, finders keepers!
239
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:50,618
Oh!
240
00:18:53,198 --> 00:18:57,328
- What was that all about?
- Don't ask me. Blooming nutter!
241
00:18:58,403 --> 00:19:01,770
Wilfred! Wilfred!
242
00:19:02,608 --> 00:19:04,769
Wilfred.
243
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:07,802
Wilfred, I want you to be very brave, dear.
244
00:19:08,547 --> 00:19:13,075
- What's happened?
- The flag. It's turned up after all these years.
245
00:19:13,118 --> 00:19:15,746
Guy must have hidden it in the church.
246
00:19:15,787 --> 00:19:19,120
- Who found it?
- That boy who works for Jane Felsham.
247
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,626
The one who needs cleaning up.
248
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:24,925
(Eric) "Ad mortem usque parati"?
249
00:19:24,963 --> 00:19:26,954
Sounds like a curry.
250
00:19:27,466 --> 00:19:30,367
"Ad mortem usque parati", Eric,
251
00:19:30,402 --> 00:19:32,870
means "Ready to fight to the death".
252
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:36,466
And that is not Boston
where the beans come from,
253
00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:38,567
but Boston where they had the tea party.
254
00:19:38,610 --> 00:19:42,740
And who are the Glorious 21st
when they're at home?
255
00:19:42,781 --> 00:19:46,217
The 21st were Redcoats, soldiers.
256
00:19:46,251 --> 00:19:49,152
Hey, Christian,
your family fought in the War of Independence.
257
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:52,282
Ah, yes, I think you want Wilfred for all that.
Not me.
258
00:19:52,324 --> 00:19:56,590
Ah, Lady Jane! Just what I needed
with half a church wall down me gizzard.
259
00:19:56,628 --> 00:19:58,391
Hmm, I'll bet you did.
260
00:19:58,430 --> 00:20:02,662
Mind you, just say the word
and I'd eat the other half, just for you.
261
00:20:02,701 --> 00:20:05,636
(Tinker) Beau! Covet not.
262
00:20:05,671 --> 00:20:08,333
Sorry. I just meant thanks. Really.
263
00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:11,001
Yeah, sure you did.
264
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:14,274
No, really.
Your ladyship, I don't fancy you one little bit.
265
00:20:14,313 --> 00:20:17,476
Oh. For this relief, much thanks.
266
00:20:17,516 --> 00:20:21,577
Well, I mean, I do fancy you, of course.
But not as a player, more as a spectator.
267
00:20:21,620 --> 00:20:24,282
Oh, get me out of this, for God's sake.
268
00:20:24,323 --> 00:20:28,316
Beau, may we get back to the flag, hmm?
Thank you.
269
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:31,420
Eric, take a couple of pictures
and then clean it up, will you?
270
00:20:31,463 --> 00:20:33,192
- Right.
- Hang on a sec.
271
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:36,998
- That's my flag, so I say what happens to it.
- Ah, just a minute.
272
00:20:37,035 --> 00:20:39,697
That church was on Shotley land 200 years ago,
273
00:20:39,738 --> 00:20:43,105
so anything that's hidden in the walls
is probably mine.
274
00:20:43,141 --> 00:20:47,475
We're forgetting something. If we don't flog it,
it might as well belong to the Girl Guides.
275
00:20:47,512 --> 00:20:51,972
Yeah, and who are the people
who know where to offer it?
276
00:20:52,651 --> 00:20:54,642
Ahem! Excuse me. Yoohoo!
277
00:20:54,686 --> 00:20:56,779
The old firm.
278
00:20:56,822 --> 00:20:59,416
Well, that makes five of us that want a cut.
279
00:20:59,458 --> 00:21:02,052
Why don't we chop the bloody thing
into strips?
280
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:05,825
(Jane) Ah, Wilfred. Just the man we need.
281
00:21:05,864 --> 00:21:08,890
Now, your family fought
in the American War of Independence.
282
00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:11,698
- So what?
- So tell us more.
283
00:21:11,737 --> 00:21:14,433
Like anything you know about this flag.
284
00:21:14,473 --> 00:21:18,307
It's mine. This flag belongs to my family.
285
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:22,638
- And it's coming right home with me. Now.
- Careful!
286
00:21:22,681 --> 00:21:26,947
Jane, would you like to explain the facts of life
to Wilf, and death as in death duties, Chris?
287
00:21:26,985 --> 00:21:28,850
Hmm, £30,000-worth.
288
00:21:29,855 --> 00:21:33,757
He's right, Wilf.
This flag could solve an awful lot of problems.
289
00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:35,953
If we can prove it's yours to sell.
290
00:21:35,994 --> 00:21:37,552
Wilf?
291
00:21:39,731 --> 00:21:41,722
Oh, very well.
292
00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:44,625
(Mutters)
293
00:21:50,609 --> 00:21:52,804
Why do you think Wilf went funny
when he saw the flag?
294
00:21:52,844 --> 00:21:54,675
No idea. Sorry.
295
00:21:54,713 --> 00:21:57,045
- Shall I get him at it?
- Hmm?
296
00:21:57,082 --> 00:21:59,482
Well, Wilf's a big kid.
297
00:21:59,518 --> 00:22:01,986
You're not much smaller yourself.
298
00:22:03,755 --> 00:22:06,315
What is it, Wilf?
299
00:22:06,358 --> 00:22:08,349
It's come off again.
300
00:22:23,008 --> 00:22:24,669
Thanks for the lift.
301
00:22:24,710 --> 00:22:26,905
Quick game of soldiers, Wilf?
302
00:22:26,945 --> 00:22:29,243
I've got other toys, you know.
303
00:22:30,082 --> 00:22:31,310
Tons of 'em.
304
00:22:39,091 --> 00:22:41,491
This is paradise, Wilf.
305
00:22:41,526 --> 00:22:43,790
Sheer paradise!
306
00:22:43,829 --> 00:22:45,592
It's our childhood.
307
00:22:46,365 --> 00:22:50,062
- Me and Daphne's.
- It looks to have been a very good one.
308
00:22:52,771 --> 00:22:55,239
Cos of all this?
309
00:22:56,241 --> 00:23:00,439
We took this out into the paddock one day,
310
00:23:00,479 --> 00:23:02,811
Jimbo and me and Daphne.
311
00:23:02,848 --> 00:23:05,112
Just tots, we were.
312
00:23:05,917 --> 00:23:11,651
And over there in the distance,
there were two people on real horses,
313
00:23:11,690 --> 00:23:13,681
a man and a woman.
314
00:23:15,227 --> 00:23:17,218
They rode right over to us and...
315
00:23:19,164 --> 00:23:21,724
I knew I'd seen them before...
316
00:23:22,801 --> 00:23:24,325
somewhere.
317
00:23:25,370 --> 00:23:27,361
The lady looked down and she said,
318
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:31,034
"My, oh, my, aren't they growing up fast?"
319
00:23:31,076 --> 00:23:33,203
And off they went.
320
00:23:33,245 --> 00:23:39,741
I turned to our nurse... That shows
how much dough there was in those days.
321
00:23:39,785 --> 00:23:42,845
We had nannies and cooks, maids.
322
00:23:43,955 --> 00:23:46,219
I turned to her and I asked,
323
00:23:47,793 --> 00:23:49,988
"Who are those people, Rosie?"
324
00:23:51,596 --> 00:23:53,325
Do you know what she said?
325
00:23:53,365 --> 00:23:58,462
Oh, I do.
"They're your mother and father," she said.
326
00:24:02,340 --> 00:24:06,834
I would rather have had
just one tea caddy full of soldiers
327
00:24:06,878 --> 00:24:09,312
and a bagful of brazil nuts
328
00:24:10,982 --> 00:24:13,473
to go with parents who I really knew.
329
00:24:19,958 --> 00:24:23,155
- Ah, is Mrs. Catchpole in?
- Who wants to know?
330
00:24:23,195 --> 00:24:25,595
It's all right, it's all right, I'm family.
331
00:24:25,630 --> 00:24:27,393
Oh.
332
00:24:27,432 --> 00:24:29,423
Not again!
333
00:24:30,168 --> 00:24:32,602
- Yoohoo!
- Oh, hi, Aunt Sal.
334
00:24:32,637 --> 00:24:35,504
Could you do us a favor, look after this for us?
335
00:24:35,540 --> 00:24:39,476
- What is it?
- It's a flag, and possibly very, very valuable.
336
00:24:39,511 --> 00:24:41,445
So, a safe place.
337
00:24:44,349 --> 00:24:47,944
I'm not a hundred per cent sure
what we're looking for, Lovejoy.
338
00:24:47,986 --> 00:24:50,614
Oh, you know, letters, papers,
339
00:24:50,655 --> 00:24:54,250
receipts, drawings.
340
00:24:54,292 --> 00:24:57,784
Anything that would tell us about that flag.
341
00:24:57,829 --> 00:24:59,820
You know, an old will...
342
00:25:01,333 --> 00:25:08,102
...or an old painting that...
doesn't want to be seen.
343
00:25:11,309 --> 00:25:16,508
- Smoke from the fire's done that.
- No, no, no, no, someone's painted over it.
344
00:25:23,221 --> 00:25:26,588
A man on horseback,
surrounded by cannon fodder,
345
00:25:26,625 --> 00:25:28,820
and he's waving old bluey.
346
00:25:28,860 --> 00:25:33,797
"Ready to fight to the death, the Glorious 21st."
347
00:25:34,833 --> 00:25:37,802
I think we've dug up General Gage's Standard.
348
00:25:39,671 --> 00:25:41,298
Brilliant.
349
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:44,231
Any takers?
350
00:25:45,477 --> 00:25:47,604
Do you know any Americans?
351
00:26:03,628 --> 00:26:04,993
They're mine.
352
00:26:06,631 --> 00:26:09,828
- Hello.
- Park that wreck.
353
00:26:10,969 --> 00:26:12,960
Come on, get aboard.
354
00:26:50,475 --> 00:26:55,572
- Well, here it is, my tribute to the W.I.
- The Women's Institute?
355
00:26:55,614 --> 00:26:57,946
War of Independence.
356
00:26:57,983 --> 00:26:59,951
What do you think?
357
00:27:00,619 --> 00:27:03,816
Well, I think most of it was made in England.
358
00:27:03,855 --> 00:27:06,790
I understand you fellas have a painting
to show me. Let's have it.
359
00:27:06,825 --> 00:27:08,816
Please.
360
00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:17,760
Where did you find this, Mr. Lovejoy?
361
00:27:17,802 --> 00:27:20,862
It's just Lovejoy, and around and about.
362
00:27:21,539 --> 00:27:25,100
The Sons of Columbus,
whom I have the honor of being President of...
363
00:27:25,143 --> 00:27:26,132
Grammar!
364
00:27:26,177 --> 00:27:30,546
...have been searching for the Shotley Standard
for over 200 years.
365
00:27:30,582 --> 00:27:32,880
The Shotley Standard?
366
00:27:32,917 --> 00:27:36,648
Named after the damn fool idiot
who led the detail against us at Lexington.
367
00:27:36,688 --> 00:27:39,885
- First scramble of the Revolution.
- That was General Gage, surely?
368
00:27:39,924 --> 00:27:43,860
Hell, no! Colonel Sir Guy Shotley,
the fella in the picture.
369
00:27:44,963 --> 00:27:48,922
Hell, if it had been Gage,
things might have gone a lot different.
370
00:27:48,967 --> 00:27:52,528
I might be calling you fellas sir,
and meaning it.
371
00:27:54,339 --> 00:27:58,469
So... Where's the flag?
372
00:27:58,510 --> 00:28:01,638
- Please.
- Where's the money?
373
00:28:03,882 --> 00:28:06,817
Why, Mr. Lovejoy, I do believe you're serious.
374
00:28:06,851 --> 00:28:08,978
It's Lovejoy, and yes, sir...
375
00:28:09,020 --> 00:28:11,648
(Phony US accent) I do believe I am.
376
00:28:11,690 --> 00:28:14,056
Now, listen here, curly.
377
00:28:14,092 --> 00:28:16,652
We should have taken that flag
after the Battle of Lexington.
378
00:28:16,695 --> 00:28:19,323
- You lost.
- We won the goddamn war.
379
00:28:19,364 --> 00:28:22,424
- Unless you've got a mind it isn't over yet.
- Fighting talk.
380
00:28:22,467 --> 00:28:24,264
What are you going to chuck at us, Chuck?
381
00:28:24,302 --> 00:28:26,293
Lawyers, friend.
382
00:28:26,337 --> 00:28:29,738
You ain't seen blood and guts
till you see John D. Parmenter in action.
383
00:28:29,774 --> 00:28:32,743
Over here, we give our kids
proper middle names, not initials.
384
00:28:32,777 --> 00:28:35,405
- He is English.
- So is the flag.
385
00:28:35,447 --> 00:28:37,438
Have a rotten day.
386
00:28:42,020 --> 00:28:45,046
Get my plane ready to fly.
You got two minutes.
387
00:28:47,092 --> 00:28:49,083
(Engine sputters)
388
00:29:25,363 --> 00:29:27,524
Ooh!
389
00:29:27,565 --> 00:29:29,328
Lunatic!
390
00:30:03,001 --> 00:30:06,437
What do you mean,
he buzzed you with his aeroplane?
391
00:30:06,471 --> 00:30:10,032
Metal bird in sky, Janey. Bzzzzm!
Swooped down on Lovejoy.
392
00:30:10,074 --> 00:30:12,133
He nearly killed us in the cornfield.
393
00:30:12,177 --> 00:30:16,637
Oh, yes? And where was Cary Grant
all this time? Being poisoned by two old ladies?
394
00:30:16,681 --> 00:30:18,672
(Laughs)
395
00:30:20,251 --> 00:30:22,481
(Beau) Well, I thought it was very witty.
396
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:26,149
Charming. Intelligent.
What you'd expect from a beautiful woman.
397
00:30:26,191 --> 00:30:28,751
Oh, a bucket of cold water, someone.
398
00:30:28,793 --> 00:30:32,285
Sorry. Sorry, I don't find you funny
at all, Jane.
399
00:30:32,330 --> 00:30:35,322
I don't find you attractive either. Well, I do.
400
00:30:35,366 --> 00:30:38,597
- That's the trouble...
- Beau? Beau, shut up.
401
00:30:38,636 --> 00:30:43,039
The point is, does this Colonel Fellowes
fellow want the flag or not?
402
00:30:43,074 --> 00:30:44,871
He wants it, but he doesn't want to pay for it.
403
00:30:44,909 --> 00:30:46,706
- Why the hell not?
- He thinks he owns it.
404
00:30:46,744 --> 00:30:49,406
He's not the only one.
The new deacon says it belongs to the church.
405
00:30:49,447 --> 00:30:52,314
I'll sort the Reverend Fairbrother out
whenever I meet him.
406
00:30:52,350 --> 00:30:57,049
Oh, politely, though.
I've been invited to the reconsecration.
407
00:30:58,690 --> 00:31:02,319
- Well, Chris, I thought I could help.
- You have, Lovejoy.
408
00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:05,761
Oddly enough, the Army teaches you
to roll with every punch,
409
00:31:05,797 --> 00:31:07,389
never to fight back like you do.
410
00:31:07,432 --> 00:31:09,332
Absolutely.
411
00:31:09,367 --> 00:31:12,200
This Colonel Fellowes is throwing lawyers at us.
412
00:31:12,237 --> 00:31:15,001
John D. Parmenter from Bungy.
413
00:31:15,039 --> 00:31:19,135
Well, he's never heard of Harvey Q. Swainston
from Great Buckling.
414
00:31:24,115 --> 00:31:29,451
Make no mistake, ladies and gentlemen,
I shall give this rabble no quarter.
415
00:31:30,488 --> 00:31:33,548
Good. Advice?
416
00:31:37,028 --> 00:31:39,895
Avoid the courts.
417
00:31:40,999 --> 00:31:43,524
I'm not saying it won't come to that
in the end.
418
00:31:43,568 --> 00:31:45,832
But let's begin with open discussion.
419
00:31:47,205 --> 00:31:52,837
I mean, if we can't see off
a few bull-brained colonials,
420
00:31:52,877 --> 00:31:54,708
what hope is there?
421
00:31:56,114 --> 00:31:59,447
Let's draw them in,
422
00:32:00,652 --> 00:32:03,553
and make them feel British.
423
00:32:05,723 --> 00:32:11,127
I mean, that's all the Yanks have ever
really wanted, you know. To be British.
424
00:32:11,162 --> 00:32:15,189
Which begs the question,
why did they rebel in the first place?
425
00:32:17,368 --> 00:32:21,737
You never know how much you want a thing
until you lose it, Lady Jane.
426
00:32:26,110 --> 00:32:29,443
Just what we needed.
A pompous, bigoted, jingoistic snob.
427
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:33,507
With that total inability
to see the other chap's point of view.
428
00:32:33,551 --> 00:32:37,647
- Where are you going, Jane?
- I promised myself one of Azi's birdboxes.
429
00:32:37,689 --> 00:32:40,123
- A what?
- A birdbox.
430
00:32:40,158 --> 00:32:43,685
- Birdbox?
- Afternoon, memsahib. How goes it?
431
00:32:43,728 --> 00:32:46,561
Still pukka, Azi.
I'd like one of your birdboxes, if I may.
432
00:32:46,597 --> 00:32:48,656
Fifteen quid to you.
433
00:32:48,700 --> 00:32:52,761
And if you're all very good,
I'll allow one of you to put it up for me later.
434
00:32:53,671 --> 00:32:57,300
Just a moment. Just a moment.
435
00:32:58,209 --> 00:33:00,803
Azi, where'd you get this?
436
00:33:02,647 --> 00:33:05,309
No, not up your right nostril.
437
00:33:06,751 --> 00:33:10,152
He won't let you have them any cheaper,
Lovejoy.
438
00:33:10,188 --> 00:33:12,918
His name, Azi.
439
00:33:44,055 --> 00:33:47,491
Oh, I don't do it for the money.
I do it for the interest.
440
00:33:48,092 --> 00:33:49,889
Right, Chris?
441
00:33:49,927 --> 00:33:52,225
Not that it's any of your business.
442
00:33:52,263 --> 00:33:54,322
Oh, the birdboxes, no.
443
00:33:54,365 --> 00:33:56,356
The tables, yes.
444
00:33:57,335 --> 00:33:59,326
Come on.
445
00:34:04,475 --> 00:34:09,344
You know, Wilf, I wish you'd told me
that you'd made this table.
446
00:34:09,380 --> 00:34:11,541
And these chairs, eh?
447
00:34:12,417 --> 00:34:16,877
- Who says he made them?
- A little birdbox told me. Hmm?
448
00:34:19,090 --> 00:34:23,493
Bit much for blue tits, you know.
Dovetail joints, hmm?
449
00:34:23,528 --> 00:34:28,227
Glued, screwed, beveled and French polished,
all in a style I'd seen somewhere before.
450
00:34:28,266 --> 00:34:31,258
Right here.
Might as well have signed 'em, Wilf.
451
00:34:33,638 --> 00:34:35,606
How much does Azi give you for one of these?
452
00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:37,073
A fiver.
453
00:34:37,809 --> 00:34:42,872
Fiver? He knocks them out for fifteen.
You should get Daphne onto him.
454
00:34:43,748 --> 00:34:46,114
I rue the day we ever met you, Mr. Lovejoy.
455
00:34:46,150 --> 00:34:49,916
To you, the past is just something
to be traded in for profit.
456
00:34:50,688 --> 00:34:53,179
And pleasure and pride, Daphne.
457
00:34:53,224 --> 00:34:55,954
Huh! What exactly have you got
to be proud of?
458
00:34:55,993 --> 00:34:59,326
Well, if my mum could see me now,
she'd say, "Look, the kid's made it.
459
00:34:59,363 --> 00:35:02,025
"He's having tea
with the descendents of that chap
460
00:35:02,066 --> 00:35:04,796
"that started the American War
of Independence."
461
00:35:04,836 --> 00:35:08,272
Yes, it's well said like that. Means very little.
462
00:35:09,340 --> 00:35:12,468
Just give it two seconds and what have you got?
463
00:35:12,510 --> 00:35:17,243
Guy Shotley, one of our ancestors,
was sent out to do a job,
464
00:35:17,281 --> 00:35:20,079
to put down a bunch of tinpot farmers.
465
00:35:20,685 --> 00:35:25,952
He failed, and lost this country
the biggest colony it ever had.
466
00:35:25,990 --> 00:35:28,083
Yes, but people don't go around saying,
467
00:35:28,126 --> 00:35:32,119
"Oh, there's Wilf Shotley,
his great-great-whatsit lost us America."
468
00:35:32,997 --> 00:35:34,555
Some would say he did us all a favor.
469
00:35:34,599 --> 00:35:38,501
And it was 200 years ago. Have we been
trying to cover that up ever since?
470
00:35:38,536 --> 00:35:40,436
Maybe that's why you've got no money, Chris.
471
00:35:40,471 --> 00:35:46,376
People came nosing round for a good story,
got paid off, eh, Wilf? Daphne?
472
00:35:46,410 --> 00:35:51,871
That's the trouble with Danegeld.
The old Dane keeps coming back for more.
473
00:35:51,916 --> 00:35:57,354
So you flogged off all the furniture and
made new stuff like the table and chairs, eh?
474
00:35:57,388 --> 00:36:00,551
Have a little play, dear. Steady your nerves.
475
00:36:00,591 --> 00:36:02,582
Use a plate.
476
00:36:02,627 --> 00:36:06,688
Look, I don't care who knows about our past.
They can... They can stuff it.
477
00:36:06,731 --> 00:36:08,665
I don't even care about the furniture.
478
00:36:08,699 --> 00:36:12,795
All I know is, I'm still short £30,000.
479
00:36:12,837 --> 00:36:15,704
(Hums)
480
00:36:24,015 --> 00:36:26,711
Wilf, have you got lots of these?
481
00:36:28,152 --> 00:36:30,143
What? Regiments of 'em.
482
00:36:32,790 --> 00:36:36,021
Fellas, I love you.
483
00:36:55,813 --> 00:36:58,839
Morning, chief. Up the British, eh?
484
00:36:58,883 --> 00:37:01,909
Yes, indeed, Mr. Kumar.
485
00:37:02,954 --> 00:37:04,945
(Tires squeal)
486
00:37:05,890 --> 00:37:07,881
Morning.
487
00:37:35,653 --> 00:37:40,784
We are not impressed. There is nothing wrong
with public transport in this country.
488
00:37:40,825 --> 00:37:43,589
OK, everyone? We are not impressed.
489
00:37:46,864 --> 00:37:49,025
This is John D. Parmenter.
490
00:37:52,470 --> 00:37:54,904
Harvey Q. Swainton.
491
00:37:56,540 --> 00:38:00,601
Harvey Q?
Sounds like something to grill steaks on.
492
00:38:00,645 --> 00:38:02,977
(Giggles)
493
00:38:03,014 --> 00:38:07,417
Perhaps you'd care for some coffee, gentlemen,
before we get down to business?
494
00:38:14,091 --> 00:38:16,082
(Helicopter drowns speech)
495
00:38:26,070 --> 00:38:27,867
With your permission, Jane?
496
00:38:27,905 --> 00:38:29,600
- Certainly.
- Right.
497
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:32,370
Now, here is the city of Boston,
498
00:38:33,911 --> 00:38:35,538
with the great redoubt.
499
00:38:37,715 --> 00:38:39,842
Excuse me.
500
00:38:39,884 --> 00:38:42,546
More gun emplacements.
501
00:38:42,586 --> 00:38:48,786
And the river, running through
ravines and rocks and deep gulleys,
502
00:38:48,826 --> 00:38:52,956
with the woods and the hills
running down to the river.
503
00:38:52,997 --> 00:38:55,693
That's your town of Lexington.
504
00:38:56,834 --> 00:38:58,859
And more heights.
505
00:38:58,903 --> 00:39:04,307
Great, wild, rugged country
down to the town of Concord.
506
00:39:04,342 --> 00:39:08,210
And here, most important,
507
00:39:08,846 --> 00:39:10,814
at North Bridge,
508
00:39:10,848 --> 00:39:17,253
the terrain takes on a whole new tenor.
509
00:39:21,225 --> 00:39:26,595
In my mind's eye, I see a consignment of tea
aboard a ship in Boston harbor.
510
00:39:26,630 --> 00:39:29,155
There it sits, quite happily,
511
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:33,398
until a party of colonials,
dressed as Mohawk Indians,
512
00:39:33,437 --> 00:39:35,997
decide to tip it into the sea.
513
00:39:38,609 --> 00:39:44,605
Had these people never heard of the close bond
brooked between an Englishman and his tea?
514
00:39:45,950 --> 00:39:49,010
General Gage was furious,
515
00:39:49,053 --> 00:39:53,422
and immediately dispatched
Colonel Sir Guy Shotley, with 2,500 men,
516
00:39:53,457 --> 00:39:57,985
to teach these upstarts a lesson
they would never forget.
517
00:39:58,763 --> 00:40:03,564
As they reached the village of Lexington,
they were attacked by a mob of farmers,
518
00:40:03,601 --> 00:40:07,230
ruthless, despicable men,
519
00:40:07,271 --> 00:40:10,763
forerunners of the modern-day guerrillas.
520
00:40:11,442 --> 00:40:14,502
Needless to say, Shotley wiped them out,
521
00:40:14,545 --> 00:40:18,481
heeled them into the ground
and proceeded to Concord,
522
00:40:18,516 --> 00:40:23,818
where, in a seedy backstreet, he discovered
where the rebels had dumped their stores.
523
00:40:23,854 --> 00:40:27,346
Muskets, gunpowder, cannon.
524
00:40:27,391 --> 00:40:30,758
And he razed the building to the ground.
525
00:40:30,795 --> 00:40:32,422
I object, Your Ladyship.
526
00:40:32,463 --> 00:40:34,363
So soon, squire?
527
00:40:34,398 --> 00:40:38,027
What exactly do you find objectionable,
Mr. Parmenter?
528
00:40:38,068 --> 00:40:41,128
The War of Independence
wasn't fought over tea.
529
00:40:41,172 --> 00:40:43,766
Nor was it the result of a few local skirmishes.
530
00:40:43,808 --> 00:40:48,711
It was brought on by the coercive acts
imposed by the British Government
531
00:40:48,746 --> 00:40:51,374
to enslave the American people.
532
00:40:53,684 --> 00:40:56,949
Yes, well, I'm not terribly up
on the history of it all,
533
00:40:56,987 --> 00:41:00,150
but, well, yes,
I'm sure there was more to it than tea.
534
00:41:15,806 --> 00:41:17,501
Yoohoo!
535
00:41:17,541 --> 00:41:19,532
It's not what you think.
536
00:41:22,313 --> 00:41:25,214
- Did I say anything?
- No. It's love.
537
00:41:25,249 --> 00:41:28,650
Well, I'm glad to hear it. Now, Auntie,
where's the flag? We're running late.
538
00:41:28,686 --> 00:41:32,747
- Rush, rush, rush. It's all you boys ever...
- Just tell us where it is, love.
539
00:41:32,790 --> 00:41:36,191
- It's on the line. I gave it a quick rinse.
- What?
540
00:41:37,862 --> 00:41:39,853
Antique fabric cycle, I hope.
541
00:41:39,897 --> 00:41:42,627
Yes. No. Fabrics and curtains, fast colored.
542
00:41:42,666 --> 00:41:45,692
This is an 18th century relic, Salome.
543
00:41:45,736 --> 00:41:48,864
- And it hasn't been washed since, I bet.
- Soaking bloody wet!
544
00:41:48,906 --> 00:41:51,841
- It's come up rather nice.
- It's come up good as new.
545
00:41:51,876 --> 00:41:54,401
- Well, bung it in the dryer.
- You're joking.
546
00:41:54,445 --> 00:41:56,845
Frillies and delicates, it'll be fine.
547
00:42:00,818 --> 00:42:05,414
And so, on the grounds of those overwhelming
victories at both Lexington and Concord,
548
00:42:05,456 --> 00:42:10,416
I rest my case that the flag
is the property of Mr. Christian Shotley.
549
00:42:11,428 --> 00:42:12,827
Thank you, Your Ladyship.
550
00:42:12,863 --> 00:42:15,297
What you've said is all well and good,
Mr. Swainston...
551
00:42:15,332 --> 00:42:19,291
Sorry we're late, folks,
but restoration work cannot be hurried.
552
00:42:20,170 --> 00:42:22,536
(Murmurs of approbation)
553
00:42:22,573 --> 00:42:27,374
Mr. Parmenter, this is Lovejoy,
Mr. Catchpole and Mr. Whittaker.
554
00:42:27,411 --> 00:42:29,402
Please.
555
00:42:31,982 --> 00:42:33,449
Derek Whittaker?
556
00:42:33,484 --> 00:42:35,714
(Jane) Yes, that's right.
557
00:42:36,387 --> 00:42:37,945
Uh, yes.
558
00:42:37,988 --> 00:42:40,980
What you've said is all well and good,
Mr. Swainston,
559
00:42:41,025 --> 00:42:43,550
but only half the story.
560
00:42:44,562 --> 00:42:47,030
Yes, we were beaten at Lexington.
561
00:42:47,064 --> 00:42:49,498
Yes, we did take a drubbing at Concord.
562
00:42:49,533 --> 00:42:52,991
However,
as your boys hightailed it back to Boston,
563
00:42:53,037 --> 00:42:59,272
angry farmers lay in wait behind every barn,
every wall, every bump in the ground.
564
00:42:59,310 --> 00:43:02,279
Those farmers took their revenge.
565
00:43:05,883 --> 00:43:08,283
Pennyworth, 50 Redcoats killed.
566
00:43:09,386 --> 00:43:11,911
Forkway Creek, another 200.
567
00:43:12,590 --> 00:43:15,150
Outside Lexington itself, 25.
568
00:43:15,192 --> 00:43:18,593
At Marbles Farm, the toll was 84.
569
00:43:18,629 --> 00:43:20,688
At Haversham's, 93.
570
00:43:20,731 --> 00:43:24,258
At the Sanderson Ranch, greater still. 180.
571
00:43:28,005 --> 00:43:31,463
Two miles from the garrison,
another 35 were killed.
572
00:43:31,508 --> 00:43:33,373
By the time you boys got home,
573
00:43:33,410 --> 00:43:36,902
there were just 500 of you still alive.
574
00:43:39,049 --> 00:43:41,847
And you call that a victory?
575
00:43:41,885 --> 00:43:43,443
Ha!
576
00:43:43,487 --> 00:43:45,478
Derek Whittaker?
577
00:43:47,291 --> 00:43:48,724
Beau Derek Whittaker?
578
00:43:48,759 --> 00:43:53,219
Yes. The Beau Derek Whittaker.
I mean, what do you want, his birth certificate?
579
00:43:54,365 --> 00:43:57,630
And do you remember Rosemary?
580
00:43:57,668 --> 00:44:01,001
Rosemary? You'd have to give us
a few more details, squire.
581
00:44:01,038 --> 00:44:02,835
Very interesting. What happened next?
582
00:44:02,873 --> 00:44:05,637
Isn't that just typical?
583
00:44:05,676 --> 00:44:07,667
This man's forgotten her.
584
00:44:09,313 --> 00:44:12,111
And I still can't get her out of my mind.
585
00:44:13,283 --> 00:44:17,879
I... I have a photo of her here somewhere.
586
00:44:17,921 --> 00:44:21,084
- Here it is.
- Do you want some advise, John D?
587
00:44:21,125 --> 00:44:24,185
Put her out of your mind.
There's plenty more fish in the sea.
588
00:44:24,228 --> 00:44:25,695
He speaks as a shark.
589
00:44:25,729 --> 00:44:28,721
I don't want other fish!
590
00:44:28,766 --> 00:44:30,757
I want Rosemary.
591
00:44:31,935 --> 00:44:37,032
And if this bargain basement Lothario
hadn't shown up, I'd still have her.
592
00:44:37,841 --> 00:44:39,832
You bastard!
593
00:44:39,877 --> 00:44:43,813
(All shouting)
594
00:44:43,847 --> 00:44:46,975
That's the trouble with wars.
They start off being about one thing,
595
00:44:47,017 --> 00:44:50,077
and then they end up
being about something completely different.
596
00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:54,056
In this case,
needle over the ownership of some daft flag
597
00:44:54,091 --> 00:45:00,030
is now a row about Beau the Obliger's
willingness to er... oblige.
598
00:45:00,064 --> 00:45:02,328
- Mr. Lovejoy?
- Yeah?
599
00:45:02,366 --> 00:45:04,357
I've come for the flag.
600
00:45:06,336 --> 00:45:07,394
Really?
601
00:45:07,438 --> 00:45:10,202
Let's sit round the table
and discuss this rationally.
602
00:45:10,240 --> 00:45:13,573
You're behaving like schoolboys.
Look at the state of you, Mr. Parmenter.
603
00:45:13,610 --> 00:45:15,737
Are you all right, Colonel Fellowes?
604
00:45:15,779 --> 00:45:21,615
The church, once owned by the Shotleys,
was sold to the diocese in 1798.
605
00:45:21,652 --> 00:45:23,643
This is a copy of the deed of sale.
606
00:45:23,687 --> 00:45:27,350
It's made out to include
everything that was in the church at the time,
607
00:45:27,391 --> 00:45:30,224
which, naturally, will have included the flag.
608
00:45:30,260 --> 00:45:32,228
How do you know it was there then?
609
00:45:32,262 --> 00:45:34,253
Mr. Whittaker, the stone mason,
610
00:45:34,298 --> 00:45:38,758
said the plaster rendered over the flag's
hidey-hole was at least 200 years old.
611
00:45:40,070 --> 00:45:43,437
This Reverend R.J. Fairbrother's
certainly done his homework, hasn't he?
612
00:45:43,474 --> 00:45:45,806
Yes, I have.
613
00:45:46,810 --> 00:45:48,971
- Yes.
- The Reverend is a she.
614
00:45:49,747 --> 00:45:51,908
See you in church, Mr. Lovejoy.
615
00:45:51,949 --> 00:45:55,612
Just Lovejoy, and er... Sure as hell, Rev.
616
00:45:57,121 --> 00:45:59,487
- The flag.
- Over there.
617
00:45:59,523 --> 00:46:03,516
And would you mind telling these people
exactly what you just told me?
618
00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:05,528
What I'm trying to say is,
619
00:46:05,562 --> 00:46:09,965
blame must be apportioned equally
between you, Rosemary and Mr. Parmenter.
620
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:13,026
- I object, Your Ladyship.
- (All) Overruled!
621
00:46:13,070 --> 00:46:16,267
- I'll take that, if you don't mind.
- Eh?
622
00:46:16,306 --> 00:46:18,365
- Lady, Jane, I presume?
- Excuse me.
623
00:46:18,408 --> 00:46:20,672
This is the Reverend R.J. Fairbrother,
624
00:46:20,711 --> 00:46:25,410
and she's going to tell you all
something that you're not going to like.
625
00:46:26,383 --> 00:46:29,841
- What now, Lovejoy?
- Well, the flag was just a matinee.
626
00:46:29,887 --> 00:46:31,878
Gala performance comes later.
627
00:46:34,958 --> 00:46:37,290
My Lady, ladies and gentlemen,
628
00:46:37,327 --> 00:46:42,993
if you would care to bring your drinks
and follow me, we are now ready for you.
629
00:46:43,033 --> 00:46:45,024
Thank you.
630
00:46:51,375 --> 00:46:57,075
On offer, ladies and gentlemen, is
the Shotley family's collection of model soldiers.
631
00:46:58,048 --> 00:47:00,846
It is a peerless collection,
632
00:47:00,884 --> 00:47:06,584
cast in lead by Cayonne of Paris, dated 1892.
633
00:47:06,623 --> 00:47:10,787
It includes a second collection of cannon horse,
wagon and carriage.
634
00:47:10,828 --> 00:47:12,728
So, cards on the table, folks.
635
00:47:12,763 --> 00:47:17,132
I know what this little lot is worth, and
so do you, so we don't need to waste time, eh?
636
00:47:17,167 --> 00:47:19,192
Who'll kick me off at ten grand?
637
00:47:20,938 --> 00:47:24,305
Thank you. Fifteen? Do I hear fifteen?
638
00:47:25,909 --> 00:47:27,900
Fifteen thousand.
639
00:47:27,945 --> 00:47:29,469
Twenty.
640
00:47:30,848 --> 00:47:33,510
Twenty thousand? Thank you.
641
00:47:33,550 --> 00:47:35,916
Another five, hmm?
642
00:47:37,988 --> 00:47:40,479
Thirty? Do I hear thirty thousand? Thir...
643
00:47:40,524 --> 00:47:43,925
Thank you very much.
What about thirty-five thousand?
644
00:47:43,961 --> 00:47:45,360
Thirty-five to you, sir.
645
00:47:46,396 --> 00:47:48,557
Yeah, I know. I'm late. All right?
646
00:47:49,867 --> 00:47:55,271
♪... leads against the foe
647
00:47:55,305 --> 00:47:59,969
♪ Forward into battle
648
00:48:00,010 --> 00:48:05,038
♪ See his banners flow
649
00:48:05,082 --> 00:48:10,315
♪ Onward, Christian soldiers
650
00:48:10,354 --> 00:48:15,417
♪ Marching as to war
651
00:48:15,459 --> 00:48:19,987
♪ With the cross of Jesus
652
00:48:20,030 --> 00:48:27,493
♪ Going on before
653
00:48:36,546 --> 00:48:41,006
Friends, let me welcome you
to Great Buckling Church,
654
00:48:41,685 --> 00:48:45,985
revitalized now, after 20 years of dereliction.
655
00:48:46,823 --> 00:48:50,315
Around us, we see many artefacts,
656
00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:53,352
testifying to our rich history.
657
00:48:53,397 --> 00:48:56,594
Milestones in the journey towards civilization,
658
00:48:57,567 --> 00:49:02,004
some to be proud of, others perhaps not,
659
00:49:02,039 --> 00:49:04,803
but all of them worthy of our reflection.
660
00:49:04,841 --> 00:49:06,604
- Hey, Lovejoy?
- Hmm?
661
00:49:06,643 --> 00:49:08,634
You and Lady Jane.
662
00:49:09,546 --> 00:49:11,605
Did you?
663
00:49:11,648 --> 00:49:13,912
- Please!
- Go on, I won't tell anyone.
664
00:49:13,951 --> 00:49:16,943
- Beau, where are we?
- Go on.
665
00:49:16,987 --> 00:49:20,115
- Big fella could be watching us.
- He won't mind.
666
00:49:20,157 --> 00:49:22,022
I know somebody who will.
667
00:49:22,059 --> 00:49:25,290
And now, let us sing hymn number 185.
668
00:49:25,329 --> 00:49:29,527
Lord Jesus, think on me
and purge away my sin.
669
00:49:29,566 --> 00:49:33,024
From earth-born passion, set me free
670
00:49:33,070 --> 00:49:35,231
and make me pure within.53548
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