All language subtitles for Kevin from Work - 01x09 - Escape From Work

(phone ringing)

Roxie: Ah, nuh-uh.

Kev, you can't strain your eyes.
Your brain might explode.

Guys, it's really nice of you to be
taking such good care of me, okay,

- but I need to check my emails.
I... -Don't.

I'm expecting one from the Italian
company I'm supposed to interview with.

- I'll check.
- Okay.

Roxie: Okay, let's see.
You have a news alert,

- a book signing invite...
- Oh.

And four emails from Mom. Kev, you
have got to set your filters better.

- Oh, Gourmet Couture?
- That's them.

They want to interview you
here in LA this week.

I don't know if I can pull it
together this week, I mean...

maybe that's a sign I shouldn't do it.
I don't know.

Kevin, don't worry about it
right now.

Yeah, you know what? You just
worry about getting better.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Ugh, I can't take it.
He's so needy.

Well, to be fair, he did get knocked
unconscious by a 50-pound sign.

But, I mean, I got kicked
in the head once by a wild pig.

I didn't even feel it.

The EMT said it's because
my body went into shock.

You gotta be a real man to
completely shut down like that.

God. You know,
the worst part is,

I don't even have time to prepare for
this audition, and I really want the part.

It's a TV movie remake
of Casablanca.

You know, that old
black and white movie.

Oh yeah, by that
Woody Allen guy?

Yeah, probably.
Anyway, it's gonna be awesome.

So, in the original, the lead is
just this random dude in a hat,

but in this one,
it's a hot woman lifeguard.

Totally feminist.

Oh, you gotta get
that part in a swimsuit.

Like... Like, you know,
for the women of the world.

Yeah, I know. I'm trying, but when
am I gonna find time to rehearse?

I mean, I spend my days
brushing Kevin's teeth,

and then sticking straws
in his apple sauce.

Look, we gotta do this, okay?
It's our duty.

Kevin: Hey, guys!
I'm thirsty.

Here's your breakfast, bud. Okay?
And here's your anti-convulsant.

Do you want me to crush it up
and put it in your food?

No, I can still chew.

No, he doesn't need
the meds yet, anyway.

Yes, he does.
It's been two hours.

He's supposed to take it every four hours.
Read the bottle.

I did.

Okay, I'm sorry, I thought you were on
electronics, and I was on the meds.

No, no. I'm on meds.
When have I not been on meds?

Kevin: Very rarely.

Guys, please stop arguing, okay?
You can both give me meds.

I thi...
I think we both did, Kev.

- (snoring)
- Brian: Yeah, okay.

Forget duty. If he survives this, we
definitely need to get some help.

- Kevin?
- Kev?

- Kev. Kevion. Kev-Kev.
- Kev. Kev?

- (theme music playing)
- ♪ Because it's all good ♪

♪ It's all, all,
It's all good ♪

♪ Uh-huh, yep,
It's all good ♪

♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh,
It's all good ♪

♪ Because it's all good ♪

♪ It's all, all,
It's all good ♪

♪ Uh-huh, yep,
It's all good ♪

So, I looked into it,

and Kevin's insurance covers
a nurse's aide.

- Really?
- Yeah.

That's awesome, Brian.

So, you know, get on in there
and practice for your audition.

I'll let you know
when she gets here.

Aw, thank you. You're the best!
(laughs)

- Aw.
- Okay.

Thank you.

Did you see my linen scarf?
I'm late for work.

It's in the sleeve
of my black moto jacket.

- Did you borrow it?
- Yeah.

I didn't ask you 'cause I thought
that would make things weird.

(sighs loudly)

It must be nice
to have a place to go,

a job where people
look up to you,

even though
you look down on them.

What are...
What are you talking about?

Dev's in Miami
at a DJ convention.

I'm feeling lonely.

I've already had four mimosas,
one without orange juice.

Okay, you need to get out.

You know, Brock and I are
going to trivia night

tonight at the bar.
Do you want to come?

- With you guys?
- Yeah.

No, I'd just feel like
a third wheel.

Okay, if you change your mind...

Okay, fine. Stop harping.
I'll go.

Okay.

It's insane to remake
a classic like Casablanca.

Can you read me something else?

Something that'll help me
prepare for my interview?

Oh, uh, you emailed back
Gourmet Couture, right?

Yes, but it's
the day after tomorrow,

so you won't be able to go,
unless you relax.

Okay, ready?
So the update is genius.

It takes place at a beach club.

Oh, really?

Yeah, and they replace the Nazis
with the staff of a competing spa.

I don't want to ruin it.

At least no more than that.

"We'll always have Paris. That
hotel in Vegas where we met."

Oh my God.

"I was 19.
You were 20.

But a young 20."

The spa technicians
are better in Paris.

I should be leaving for Italy.

But say the word, and I'll stay.

(whistle trills)

Don't go in the water.
She's trouble.

No, you're wrong.

She's sweet and funny.

And have you seen
the way she watches football

and actually knows
what's going on just enough,

but not so much
as to be annoying like,

"Hey, look at me.
I'm a guy's girl."

I appreciate that.

I'm the one she should be with.

But she doesn't appreciate you back.
When are you gonna see that?

Damn, I look hot in this.

(whistle trilling)

(doorbell rings)

Hello, I'm Beverly.
The agency sent me.

Okay, how big is he? My last
patient was a 600-pounder.

I spent all my time
mopping up tears of regret

that I swear were pure bacon fat.
(laughs)

'Cause the fat.

Oh, she needs
to get off the bed.

You can sleep with her all you
want once you're up to snuff.

Brian: No, no, no.
No, he's not sleeping with her.

She's not sleeping with anybody.
She's available.

Well, she needs to dismount the
bed, because it's dangerous,

and we need to pad the corners of
these night stands. They're dangerous.

Now, I'm gonna be in the bathroom
to see if I can find anything...

- Dangerous?
- To read.

- I'll see you in ten.
- Eh.

Does the agency have
any other...

Calling while she's
on the can, believe me.

Did someone call Jimmy Jammy, the
funny duddy buddy? Hoo hoo hoo!

(laughs)

I am Ramone, the healer
you are blessed with today.

- Oh, you're hired.
- Wrong house.

Hey, whoa, uh...

Wh... What's going on?

Oh, we must keep the lighting
dim to aid in Kevin's recovery.

You should totally have
Ramone make you lunch.

It is incredible.

When I opened the refrigerator,

I noticed a
selection of luncheon meats,

so I paired it with
a loaf of soft wheat bread

and a grainy mustard,
with a hint of spice.

That sounds like
an awful fancy way to say

you made a ham sandwich.

Isn't he supposed to, like, change
bed sheets and sterilize stuff?

Oh, he already did all that.
Ramone is amazing,

and when he talks,
it sounds like music.

No, it doesn't.

- Okay. -We're all
signing this for Kevin.

Brain bruising is for the birds.

It's from a set of 400 cards,

one for every injury and
disease you've ever heard of.

There's one for non-Addison's adrenal
malfunction that's a crack-up,

if you know anyone.

(sigh) I can't think of
what to say.

This is Patti's fault. She made
me second-guess myself last night.

Okay, next question.

Write down as many
Tom Cruise movies as you can.

We're running out of time.
Mission Impossible.

- A Few Good Men.
- Magnolia.

- Minority Report.
- Night and Day.

- Far and Away. -Where he rode
on that horse to that land.

- Far and Away!
- We have that one.

- Tropic Thunder!
- Tropic Thunder!

- Brock!
- I said that!

Four hours too late.
You're killing us.

She does have
a strong personality.

Yeah, she's bossy.

It's like a queen bee.

It's not a good thing.

She made me feel like
a third wheel

in my own relationship.
Who does that?

- Did you win?
- Yes.

Two tickets to
one of those escape room games,

which I'm taking for myself

because I paid the entrance fee.

(gasps) Well, if you
think it'll help,

I would go out with Patti
while Dev's gone.

I mean, occupy her for a while.

Really? That would be great.
Thank you.

Consider it done.
(laughs) I can't wait.

Unlike you, I like when
Patti takes control.

I feel a deep letting go,

a freedom of responsibility.

I hope I don't accidentally
thrill kill someone.

Don't you think you should
save some of that for Kevin?

Oh, he already did Kevin.
Ramone's amazing,

and he has single-handedly
made Kevin feel so much better.

No, he's not.
He's not that great.

Please excuse me while I make
Kevin a ham and cheese sandwich.

Oh, uh, no.
He doesn't like cheese on it.

Trust me. I've been making
the kid's sandwiches for years.

Kevin said he'd like
to try my sandwich

as I prepare it, con queso.

I don't know what you
just said right there,

so I'm gonna take offense.
That's it!

Roxie: Brian, wait.
What are you doing?

Hey.

No, no, no. Ramone said that
it has to be dark in here.

Look, Ramone
doesn't know anything.

He's a phony, and that
accent isn't real.

Nobody really talks like that,

except for Antonio Banderas
and the cat from Shrek.

Roxie:
He is not a phony,

and he is doing everything around here.
Okay? Kevin needs him.

Kevin's fine with me
and my cheeseless sandwiches.

It's okay, Roxanne. I'll just
tell the agency I was too helpful.

This information will correspond
with all my Yelp reviews.

I'll be fine.

Don't you look at me like that.

What are you doing?

We can't lose Ramone.
We need him.

I don't trust Ramone, okay?

He's getting a little
too comfortable around here.

I'm going to bring him
back here,

and you're going
to apologize to him.

Ugh, crap. I don't even have
time to put on a bra. Oh well.

No, you should do that.

It's... It's chilly outside.

Ramone, wait!

(sighs)

Hey.

Where's the picture of my family
at my cousin's wedding?

Oh, yeah.
It creeped me out,

so I took it down.

I could feel their eyes
following me around the room,

especially that gremlin
in the pearls.

My... My grandmother?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Fingers crossed
for weak genetics.

Anyhow, so Dev's still
out of town.

What are you, me
and Brock doing tonight?

Oh, um...

Brock has practice, and I have
to work late, so. (chuckles)

- But you're home.
- But I'm going back.

Why don't you see
if Ricky is free?

Hmm...

Well, he did call, text,
and email me,

and he's fun.

- Yeah. -He does this thing
where he almost pets me.

Maybe I'll go out with him to
determine whether it's sweet or...

disturbing.

Yes, do that.

I think that sounds
really awesome.

Hey.

The Italy company's
confirming your interview.

Man, if you get that job and
move, it sure is gonna kill me.

You know what else
is killing me?

Ramone.

I kicked him out and fought
with Roxie about it.

But she was right.

I was jealous.

I mean,

she thinks he's great,
you think he's great,

and I don't like
the competition.

I know you can relate.

You wanna hear a song, Kev?

Can you play the piano, Brian?

I can't.

I'm more of a violin man.

Can you play the violin?

(chuckles)

I can't.

Kevin: Brock.

Oh, sorry.

I was supposed to stick
this on my side.

Of all the food and beverage joints
in all the towns in all the world,

she walks into mine.

She's the reason
you're upset, Kevin.

Just go to Italy, buddy.

But he's wrong for her.

I know she has to see
that, eventually.

So, what are you gonna do?

Stay here and keep
getting your heart broken

over and over again
until she does?

Ramone: You cannot compete with a
man who's already defeated you.

Brian: Now Roxie's
going after Ramone,

braless.

(sighs) Okay, I gotta
come clean to you, man. I'm...

I'm jealous of Ramone
because of your sister.

I got it bad for her, Kevin.
I mean, like, real bad.

Like...
(hums) real bad.

Okay, well, I feel a lot better
that I got that off my chest,

even though you can't hear me.

You're breaking my heart.

You're breaking my heart.

Huh?

I'm really happy we're doing this
escape room, babe, just you and me.

I'm pumped, babe.
I'm so good at mazes.

Woman:
It's not a maze.

It's a game where
you have 45 minutes

to find clues to help you
escape, or they kill you.

Man:
I mean, you lose the game.

Obviously, they
don't actually kill you.

(laughs sarcastically) Obviously, because
I'd break their freaking necks first.

I'm gonna be so good at this.

I used to stage my own kidnappings
all the time when I was a kid.

Oh, why are you here?
I thought you were working.

- No, she never had to work.
- Um...

Did you, babe?

I'm goi... I'm going there
after... after this.

You lied to me?

Audrey, I can't believe you.

Okay, Patti,

I'm sorry. I just
really wanted this night

for myself without you
controlling the whole thing.

And thanks a lot, Ricky.

Why did you come here
of all places?

She said, "Take me to that place I won
tickets to last night that Audrey snaked,"

and you don't challenge
a queen bee.

I hope a basic knowledge of
film trivia isn't a requirement,

- or else we're never getting out of here.
- (chuckles)

Yeah, well I hope respect for
other people's personal property

isn't a requirement either

or we're really, really
never getting out of here.

Unless you've dramatically improved
your game skills since last night,

you and Brock should prepare to have
your asses kicked by me and Ricky.

Oh, uh... (chuckles)

Are those for sure the teams?

Actually, we're all on the
same team, working together.

Huh.

Together.

- Announcer: Say goodbye.
-Ricky: What's happening?

Announcer: You are about
to enter Murder Basement.

- (laughs maniacally) -Ricky: Patti?
Patti, are you there?

I already don't like this.

I'm sorry, Ramone.

I overreacted.

You are a man of passion.

- Yeah.
- As am I.

And so we reach a resolution.

- Yeah.
- Please, sit.

Ah, okay.

Did you... Oh, no, no.
You don't have to...

Oh, okay.

Okay, yeah, no.

This is why
everybody likes this.

I understand you are upset,

because I saw into your heart.

You are in love with Roxanne.

Maybe.

I hope you did not mistake
my care-taking for flirtation.

(scoffs) You kiddin' me?
No way.

Okay, yeah.
Maybe I did a little bit.

Make no mistake.

I am here to breath life
into Kevin's weak body,

not seduce his sister's.

Now, does Roxanne know you
have these desires for her?

Well, she doesn't,
but I think he does.

So I was thinking
I should tell her.

I mean, what do I have
to lose, right?

Everything.

Where I come from, we say, "You don't
date your best friend's sister.

"You marry your
best friend's sister,

or risk losing
your best friend."

You're right.

I can't date Roxie unless
I'm sure it'll work.

These clues are useless.

There's got to be something
major we're not seeing.

I'm checking this.

Ah, you don't know what to look for.
Give it to me.

I do know
what to look for, Patti.

Ricky: Guys,

we're gonna be dead
in 22 minutes.

There's so much I have
left to do before I die.

- Doll: Mama. -I never thanked
my high school drama teacher

for making me feel so accepted.

I never apologized
to my cousin, Greg

for being jealous
of his mustache.

I never got in touch
with my Jewish heritage.

Okay, okay.
Listen up, people.

As your captain, I command
you to rip up the couch.

The couch has nothing to do
with the puzzle,

and you're not the captain
just because you say you are.

Uh, babe.

That's how I became captain of the
jujitsu team, so it can happen.

I hear the dogs!
They're getting closer!

They're not real dogs.

Then why am I having
an allergic reaction?

And this room,

getting smaller.
It's getting smaller.

Okay, calm down, Ricky!
Calm down!

We're not gonna die here.
I won't let it happen.

He will if you keep sucking
the air out of the room.

Oh, am I sucking in
all your air, Audrey?

Was I supposed to ask
to borrow it first?

Others have been here.

Others have died!

Patti!

It's okay.
We have a safe word.

Butter, but that wasn't me
using it just then.

Doll: Ow.

Brian: Hey.

So, the doc said he's well
enough to handle the meeting,

but not heavy machinery.

So, I'll drive and work
the elevators for him.

Thanks, Brian. Kevin needs
you too, you know?

Yeah, I know. I finally got to
see what you guys see in Ramone.

He's a good guy and wise.

His chiseled face and piercing
eyes are just a bonus.

Yeah, a guy like that
is one in a million.

Huh.

You know, I always thought
he was just another pretty boy

who's good at giving massages, but
he's more than that. You're right.

I'm right?

What are you doing?

Emailing him to see
if he wants to hook up.

But he said I shouldn't mistake
his care-taking for flirtation.

Oh, thanks for the tip, Bri.

Yeah.

Looks like I'm gonna have to
be the aggressor on this one.

(whimpers)

Brock and I are going to Paris,

and you can come, right?

Won't that be wonderful?

The three of us forever.

I'm sorry,
but I can't do that anymore.

I'm the only one
getting on that plane.

I'm going to Italy...

alone.

No, I'm coming with you, Kev.

What's up?

You know, Brian,

I think this is the continuation
of a beautiful friendship.

(whistle trills)

Round up the usual spa guests.

It's gonna be a rager tonight.

- (dance music plays)
♪ Get up out your seat ♪

♪ Get up out your seat ♪

Patti: Check the beds. Check the lamps.
Check the thermostat.

It's freaking humid
in here. Is my hair fuzzy?

Forget it.
We're out of clues,

and you as our self-appointed
leader did nothing to save us.

Maybe if you let this be something
other than The Patti Show,

we could escape.

Uh, my show?

You're the one who thinks
you own this thing.

You didn't even want me
to be here.

I didn't want you to
come because I thought

you would do exactly
what you're doing.

What you always do...
Take over.

I don't want to take over, okay?

I guess I've just never really
known how to take a back seat.

Look, maybe it's to feel needed,

or 'cause I'm an only child and
always had to fend for myself.

Maybe it's 'cause
when my parents divorced,

I grasped at control
'cause I had none.

Or maybe I'm just entitled.

I think it's the last one.

Look, whatever the reason is, it's
not an excuse to do what you want,

not all the time, like
borrow stuff without asking

or taking people's
family photos down

because their grandmothers
creep you out.

Oh, the pictures!

Check behind the pictures!

Go! That one.

- Something, something, something.
- Keep checking! Faster!

Go, go, go.

Oh! Hey, babe, there's numbers
behind this one!

Yes! Read them to me!

- Two-
- Too slow!

Two, seven, six, nine.

- Wooh! -Announcer:
Congratulations,

- you have escaped Murder Basement.
-(cheers)

You guys were useless.

We never would have looked
behind the pictures

if you hadn't pointed them out.

I'm sorry I almost
didn't give you a chance.

And I need to learn
to speak up right away.

Sometimes I wish
I had a little of your...

assertiveness.

It actually came in
handy tonight.

- Ricky: Move.
- Audrey: Oh.

Okay, okay.

Oh, after you.

Thank you.

Okay, this is what a back seat feels like.
Not so bad.

Go get me my purse, hon.

Purse, purse, purse.

- Announcer: Welcome to Murder Basement.
-No, no, no.

- Escape and win. -No, no.
There's been a mistake!

- Fail and die!
- Murder! Murder!

Murder!

Hey, how'd it go?

- Good, man.
- Yeah?

Great. I got the job.

Well, I guess
I'm moving to Italy.

- You serious?
- Yeah.

Hey, you should
come with me, man.

Something in a dream made me think that
would be a really good move for you.

Oh, this works, man, because I
have no reason to stay here. Yes.

- Yeah?
- Yes, let's go to Italy, boy.

- Oh! (laughs)
- Let's go. Let's go.

Wait, you're not gonna
miss Roxie? I thought you would.

Psh, no, I've... that's...

That's crazy stuff,
Kev. No.

You know what's even crazier?

I always kinda saw
you two together, eventually.

Huh?

You don't...

You don't think that that would
ruin our friendship?

No.

You think she'll visit?

(chuckles) No.

She would not like it there.
She can't stand accents.

Damn, she might be
over that now.

Hey, man, thanks for
taking care of me this week.

Finally back to normal.

Yeah, about time.

Well, wish me luck
on this interview.

Kev, you already did
the interview, Kevin.

- Hmm?
- Oh, shoot.

- Hey, come back, buddy.
No, Kev. -Huh?

Kev, you already did it.
You already did the...

- You already did the... -Yeah, right.
I already did it. Okay.