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1
00:00:03,090 --> 00:00:05,290
Dude, sorry you got rejected.
2
00:00:05,290 --> 00:00:07,720
What? No, I... Where...
How did you know that?
3
00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:09,750
'Cause I threw you a going-away
party and you're here.
4
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:11,190
Italy rejected you.
5
00:00:11,190 --> 00:00:13,090
Now I'm being told
I can't expense the bar tab.
6
00:00:13,090 --> 00:00:14,720
Italy. Right. Yeah.
7
00:00:14,730 --> 00:00:16,260
Yeah. Sorry about that.
8
00:00:16,260 --> 00:00:17,750
I can totally pitch in if you...
9
00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:18,920
Thanks.
10
00:00:18,930 --> 00:00:20,100
It was a real
body-shot type of night.
11
00:00:20,100 --> 00:00:22,570
- Hoo-hoo!
- Ooh.
12
00:00:22,570 --> 00:00:24,340
Did you bring us back
any souvenirs?
13
00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:27,440
I never actually went to Italy.
14
00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:29,270
What about a souvenir
from the airport?
15
00:00:29,270 --> 00:00:31,300
Didn't make it there either.
16
00:00:31,310 --> 00:00:32,370
Oh.
17
00:00:32,370 --> 00:00:34,170
The Superior Scoop said you did.
18
00:00:39,810 --> 00:00:41,120
I know you work with him,
19
00:00:41,130 --> 00:00:42,450
but you don't mind
if I get really graphic
20
00:00:42,450 --> 00:00:44,080
about my night
with Kevin, do you?
21
00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:46,440
More graphic than you just were?
22
00:00:46,450 --> 00:00:49,750
How? You described
the way his back smelled.
23
00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:52,450
When a body part smells
like lemons and turkey dogs,
24
00:00:52,460 --> 00:00:53,490
it's worth noting.
25
00:00:53,490 --> 00:00:56,190
Anyway, I've called and texted
26
00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:58,320
and he hasn't called me back,
and I don't know what to do.
27
00:00:58,330 --> 00:01:00,460
Look, Patti, you are
a great roommate,
28
00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:03,660
but I don't think I like being in the
middle of this thing you have with Kevin.
29
00:01:03,670 --> 00:01:06,200
Oh. Okay.
30
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,100
That's cool.
31
00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:11,210
Just delete the videos
I sent you then.
32
00:01:14,070 --> 00:01:15,130
(gasps)
33
00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:23,680
Come on.
34
00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:34,180
(growls quietly)
35
00:01:38,730 --> 00:01:40,590
♪ 'Cause it's all good ♪
36
00:01:40,590 --> 00:01:43,360
♪ It's all, all,
it's all good ♪
37
00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:46,220
(tires screech)
38
00:01:46,230 --> 00:01:48,130
Hey, thanks for the lift, man.
39
00:01:48,130 --> 00:01:50,260
The tow yard should be
releasing my car tomorrow,
40
00:01:50,270 --> 00:01:51,670
so this shouldn't be
for much longer.
41
00:01:51,670 --> 00:01:53,270
That's no problem.
I'm down for the carpool,
42
00:01:53,270 --> 00:01:54,840
saving the Earth and whatnot.
43
00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:56,610
I know. It just makes me feel
a little uncomfortable.
44
00:01:56,610 --> 00:01:58,280
What? Freeloading-wise
or because I haven't made
45
00:01:58,270 --> 00:01:59,700
a good left turn
since you've been in here?
46
00:01:59,710 --> 00:02:01,580
Well, mostly because of him.
47
00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:04,470
- Who? Don?
- Yeah.
48
00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:06,110
- Oh, you're going to have
to get used to Don. -Mm-hmm.
49
00:02:06,110 --> 00:02:09,210
When you left me for Italy,
I had to look after myself.
50
00:02:09,220 --> 00:02:10,380
I never went to Italy.
51
00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:11,880
Brian's profile said you did.
52
00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:15,250
You made me turn to the Internet
to find a friend, Kevin.
53
00:02:15,250 --> 00:02:18,310
Let me tell you something. You
search "fit man seeking man,"
54
00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:20,750
gonna find some crazy stuff.
55
00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:23,430
A lot of men out there
not as fit as what they claim.
56
00:02:23,430 --> 00:02:25,830
97% match.
57
00:02:25,830 --> 00:02:27,660
Two percent body fat.
58
00:02:27,660 --> 00:02:29,620
What's your body fat
percentage, Kev?
59
00:02:29,630 --> 00:02:31,290
A hundred percent
don't care, Don.
60
00:02:31,300 --> 00:02:33,300
- Hmm...
- Whoa!
61
00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:35,190
Go around the back.
Go around the back.
62
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:39,270
Thought I saw Audrey.
63
00:02:39,270 --> 00:02:41,300
Not sure how many more
close calls with her I can take.
64
00:02:41,310 --> 00:02:42,540
(elevator dings)
65
00:02:42,540 --> 00:02:44,710
- Ha. No, after you.
- You know what? No, you.
66
00:02:44,710 --> 00:02:46,880
- I'll just...
- No, it's okay. I go.
67
00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:48,880
- Oh, my.
- Oh!
68
00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:51,750
- Oh my.
- Okay, bye. Bye.
69
00:02:58,750 --> 00:03:01,250
(sighs)
It's just so awkward.
70
00:03:01,260 --> 00:03:02,830
Why did I ever
write her a love letter?
71
00:03:02,830 --> 00:03:05,280
I could have lived
a full and happy life
72
00:03:05,290 --> 00:03:06,620
getting a Post-it Note
from her every morning,
73
00:03:06,630 --> 00:03:08,360
sharing a candy bar
every afternoon.
74
00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:09,790
I ruined everything.
75
00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:11,530
Gah! Okay.
76
00:03:11,530 --> 00:03:12,630
I gotta hurry in there.
77
00:03:12,630 --> 00:03:14,860
Gotta sit down before she does
78
00:03:14,870 --> 00:03:16,400
and not move
till after she leaves.
79
00:03:20,340 --> 00:03:21,570
Kev, Kev, your bag.
80
00:03:21,570 --> 00:03:24,270
- Your bag. Your bag.
- Yeah. Thank you.
81
00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:27,500
(romantic funk music playing)
82
00:03:38,290 --> 00:03:39,350
Kev, is that Audrey?
83
00:03:39,350 --> 00:03:42,180
Brian:
Was that her right there?
84
00:03:42,190 --> 00:03:44,190
- She's inside now. It's al...
- Shut up, man.
85
00:03:44,190 --> 00:03:45,360
Okay.
86
00:03:49,790 --> 00:03:52,350
(humming)
87
00:03:54,930 --> 00:03:56,290
Who are you?
88
00:03:56,300 --> 00:03:58,230
Patti.
89
00:03:58,230 --> 00:03:59,860
I can't get Kevin
to call me back,
90
00:03:59,870 --> 00:04:02,370
so I showed up uninvited and came
in through the unlocked door.
91
00:04:02,370 --> 00:04:04,210
Who are you?
92
00:04:04,210 --> 00:04:05,770
Roxie. I'm Kevin's sister.
93
00:04:05,770 --> 00:04:07,370
I'm the one
who left the door unlocked.
94
00:04:07,370 --> 00:04:08,700
I didn't know he had a stalker.
95
00:04:08,710 --> 00:04:11,280
I didn't know he had a sister.
96
00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:13,210
I like your hat.
97
00:04:13,210 --> 00:04:16,370
I'm loving your entire outfit.
98
00:04:16,380 --> 00:04:18,410
Thank you.
99
00:04:23,550 --> 00:04:25,210
- How are you?
- Oh. You're here.
100
00:04:25,220 --> 00:04:27,250
It was so quiet over there.
101
00:04:27,260 --> 00:04:28,560
Well, I'm a super
quiet breather.
102
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,930
Which is not why
I called you here today.
103
00:04:30,930 --> 00:04:32,230
Which I did not...
104
00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:34,360
I... I wanted to...
105
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:35,590
tell you that I'm moving desks.
106
00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:38,330
I just... I...
I put in the request.
107
00:04:38,330 --> 00:04:40,590
I think it's gonna be
just better for both of us.
108
00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:41,840
Yeah. I think
that's a great idea.
109
00:04:41,840 --> 00:04:43,660
It's a good call... man.
110
00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:46,850
Hey, I hope you don't mind
111
00:04:46,850 --> 00:04:48,400
my hopping in here
before the chair is even cold.
112
00:04:48,410 --> 00:04:50,240
HR said I could take
possession of your desk
113
00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:52,340
as long as
I waive the inspection.
114
00:04:52,340 --> 00:04:54,300
How did you even
know I was moving?
115
00:04:54,310 --> 00:04:56,310
There was a notice
in The Superior Scoop.
116
00:04:56,310 --> 00:04:59,710
Hey, you don't mind if I make
a few minor changes, do you?
117
00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:01,850
I just need something
that works for the way I live.
118
00:05:05,020 --> 00:05:07,290
Hey, neighbs.
119
00:05:07,290 --> 00:05:09,290
So Patti is stalking me?
120
00:05:09,290 --> 00:05:10,930
I know.
I was as surprised as you are.
121
00:05:10,930 --> 00:05:12,020
Oh. Cinnamon.
122
00:05:12,030 --> 00:05:13,760
No, no, no.
Wait, wait. Jalapeño.
123
00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:15,530
Oh, this is so hard.
124
00:05:15,530 --> 00:05:17,500
Oh, man.
What am I gonna tell her?
125
00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:19,370
Oh, nothing.
I already took care of it.
126
00:05:19,370 --> 00:05:21,290
Here's the thing, girl.
127
00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:22,570
Kevin has a fiancée.
128
00:05:22,570 --> 00:05:24,630
- He does?
- Yes.
129
00:05:24,630 --> 00:05:26,560
And at your apartment that day,
he was trying to get
130
00:05:26,570 --> 00:05:28,840
a wedding invitation back
that he sent to Audrey.
131
00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:30,850
His fiancée made him
uninvite work people
132
00:05:30,850 --> 00:05:33,010
'cause they're trying to save
money for their triplets.
133
00:05:34,570 --> 00:05:36,600
But I made him make love to me.
134
00:05:36,610 --> 00:05:39,040
I know.
He slipped up.
135
00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:40,740
But if it makes
you feel any better,
136
00:05:40,750 --> 00:05:43,350
he said it was a really,
really unusual experience.
137
00:05:43,350 --> 00:05:44,410
Oh.
138
00:05:44,410 --> 00:05:46,410
- He did?
- Yeah.
139
00:05:46,420 --> 00:05:49,650
And if I were you, I would just
forget about him and move on.
140
00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:52,450
You're too good for him anyway.
141
00:05:52,450 --> 00:05:54,400
(slurps)
142
00:05:54,410 --> 00:05:56,360
I'm not sure lying about a
fiancée was the best idea?
143
00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:57,820
Oh, no. Trust me, Kev.
144
00:05:57,820 --> 00:05:59,280
With a girl like Patti,
you want to make sure
145
00:05:59,290 --> 00:06:01,350
she knows there is zero chance.
146
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,360
It was either a fiancée
of faking your death,
147
00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:05,390
which takes a lot of time.
148
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:07,430
Honestly, that's just not
time that I have right now.
149
00:06:07,430 --> 00:06:09,290
- (phone beeps)
- Okay, where was I?
150
00:06:11,340 --> 00:06:13,300
Hi. Welcome.
151
00:06:13,300 --> 00:06:15,800
I'm Simon,
this is Paul Garfunkel.
152
00:06:15,810 --> 00:06:17,975
Some people call us
the famous singing duo's names.
153
00:06:17,976 --> 00:06:19,630
Simon and Garfunkel.
I get it.
154
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:22,170
No. Common mistake.
155
00:06:22,180 --> 00:06:24,710
It's Hall and Oates because I like
to pace the hallway like an animal,
156
00:06:24,710 --> 00:06:26,410
and he eats dry oatmeal.
157
00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:30,390
It's nice to meet you guys.
158
00:06:32,020 --> 00:06:33,950
Simon would like
to apologize for his odor.
159
00:06:33,950 --> 00:06:35,980
It's just my shingles cream.
160
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:46,700
Excuse me,
is there a shade for that?
161
00:06:48,730 --> 00:06:50,590
Never mind.
162
00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:51,940
(slurping)
163
00:06:53,700 --> 00:06:54,930
Whoa.
164
00:06:54,940 --> 00:06:57,040
Ricky, did you just lose power?
165
00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:59,640
Yes, of my own body.
I have restless feet syndrome
166
00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:01,040
and kicked out the cords.
Don't worry.
167
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:03,110
It only happens
a few times a day.
168
00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:05,970
- (clattering)
- Oh my...
169
00:07:05,980 --> 00:07:07,050
Sorry!
170
00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:10,570
Do you want me to put
my balls on your neck?
171
00:07:11,650 --> 00:07:12,720
What?
172
00:07:13,950 --> 00:07:15,550
(chuckles)
173
00:07:15,550 --> 00:07:16,780
Let me just confirm
174
00:07:16,780 --> 00:07:18,540
that you're talking
about the wooden things
175
00:07:18,550 --> 00:07:20,080
- in your hand.
- Yeah.
176
00:07:20,090 --> 00:07:21,455
That's the way we take a break.
177
00:07:21,456 --> 00:07:23,010
Break is exactly what we need!
178
00:07:23,020 --> 00:07:24,980
Why don't we share
a candy bar, huh?
179
00:07:24,990 --> 00:07:26,060
Simon? Garfunkel?
180
00:07:26,060 --> 00:07:28,860
Simon! Candy break!
181
00:07:30,060 --> 00:07:32,230
Uh...
182
00:07:37,100 --> 00:07:39,900
Who did this?
Who... Who has done this?
183
00:07:39,900 --> 00:07:41,570
Ricky, calm down.
184
00:07:41,570 --> 00:07:42,900
It was me.
185
00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:45,740
What's your game, sister?
186
00:07:45,740 --> 00:07:47,540
I was trying to be nice.
187
00:07:47,540 --> 00:07:50,170
By making fun of my round head.
188
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:52,070
No. That is not you.
189
00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:53,510
It's a smiley face,
190
00:07:53,510 --> 00:07:55,780
the universal
sign of friendliness.
191
00:07:55,780 --> 00:07:59,615
I always did it for Kevin
and he never once yelled at me.
192
00:07:59,616 --> 00:08:01,040
Oh. That's sweet, but...
193
00:08:01,050 --> 00:08:03,490
I'm going to report you
for aggressive behavior.
194
00:08:03,490 --> 00:08:04,510
What?
195
00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:07,020
Yes, bitch.
196
00:08:19,660 --> 00:08:20,860
Kevin:
Hi. I'm sorry.
197
00:08:20,870 --> 00:08:22,835
You know, maybe moving
wasn't a solution.
198
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:25,090
Kevin, I hate this
new desk arrangement.
199
00:08:26,870 --> 00:08:28,910
Look, I never should have
written you that letter.
200
00:08:28,910 --> 00:08:30,700
I...
201
00:08:30,710 --> 00:08:32,575
I was drunk
and I poured my heart out
202
00:08:32,576 --> 00:08:34,900
and I said some
stupid, stupid things
203
00:08:34,910 --> 00:08:36,910
- and...
- Kevin, please.
204
00:08:36,910 --> 00:08:38,910
- You don't need to apologize for anything.
- No, yes I do.
205
00:08:38,910 --> 00:08:41,970
I really screwed up
when I mailed it to you,
206
00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:44,140
and now we're stuck
being awkward around each other.
207
00:08:44,150 --> 00:08:46,020
I'm getting massages
I don't even want.
208
00:08:46,020 --> 00:08:47,620
I... I probably have shingles!
209
00:08:47,620 --> 00:08:50,020
God. I saw him hug you.
210
00:08:50,020 --> 00:08:51,850
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
211
00:08:51,850 --> 00:08:53,680
I just don't want people
to find out about that letter.
212
00:08:53,690 --> 00:08:57,030
Look, Kevin,
I am really flattered
213
00:08:57,030 --> 00:09:00,000
and I really don't want
to hurt your feelings,
214
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:05,170
- but I have a boyfriend and
I'm with him... -I know.
215
00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:07,870
So I'm okay with everything
if you are.
216
00:09:07,870 --> 00:09:09,905
You know, we can just
keep working here
217
00:09:09,906 --> 00:09:13,300
and be normal and just go
back to the way it was before.
218
00:09:15,010 --> 00:09:16,310
Okay?
219
00:09:16,310 --> 00:09:17,680
Okay.
220
00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,680
- Great. That would be great.
- Yeah.
221
00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:20,880
Where's Don?
222
00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:22,250
Oh. Don's at his mom's.
223
00:09:22,250 --> 00:09:23,950
I'm supposed to pick him up
in about an hour.
224
00:09:23,950 --> 00:09:25,650
We're gonna go to the driving
range, get our haircuts.
225
00:09:25,650 --> 00:09:28,650
He's going to take me to his
orthotics guy, you know?
226
00:09:28,650 --> 00:09:31,280
But my feet don't hurt, man!
227
00:09:31,290 --> 00:09:34,130
Look, Kevin, he's suffocating me and
I need your help to get rid of him.
228
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:36,990
Look, I panicked
when you went to Italy.
229
00:09:36,990 --> 00:09:39,650
- I never actually... -Now that
you're back, I don't need him.
230
00:09:39,660 --> 00:09:41,120
He wants to be my best friend.
231
00:09:41,130 --> 00:09:42,730
I get it.
I'm the bomb.
232
00:09:42,730 --> 00:09:44,970
But I have you.
233
00:09:44,970 --> 00:09:48,200
And if I need orthotics...
I want you to take me.
234
00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:50,030
So get out of it.
235
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:52,640
Don't overthink it.
236
00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:55,640
See that's... that's why
you're my 100% match.
237
00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:57,570
Brian: That's why
you're my 100%.
238
00:09:57,580 --> 00:10:00,080
♪ Sit back
and watch me do it ♪
239
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,160
♪ Chlllin' like a villain ♪
240
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:04,240
♪ Super turnt up
hair cut low ceiling ♪
241
00:10:04,250 --> 00:10:06,050
Smokin' Hot.
242
00:10:06,050 --> 00:10:08,150
- Sounds about right.
- I'll say!
243
00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:09,680
(laughing)
244
00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:10,720
Hi!
245
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:12,950
Oh, my God!
246
00:10:12,950 --> 00:10:15,180
I was just next door at the sunglasses
place when I read your Tweet!
247
00:10:15,190 --> 00:10:16,325
"At the Polish Bar.
248
00:10:16,326 --> 00:10:18,320
Help me decide
which color, bitches."
249
00:10:18,330 --> 00:10:21,600
Then I realized I could be
a bitch that votes in person!
250
00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:25,130
So... red!
251
00:10:25,130 --> 00:10:26,690
You just happened
to be right next door?
252
00:10:26,700 --> 00:10:27,800
Mm-hmm!
253
00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:31,300
Patti: Oh, my God.
Oh, this is heaven.
254
00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:35,000
I'm so glad this gives us
an opportunity to talk.
255
00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:37,740
You know, about what happened
with me and your brother and...
256
00:10:37,740 --> 00:10:39,940
just how I'm feeling.
257
00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:41,340
Okay.
258
00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:42,740
It's just that when
I broke into your apartment
259
00:10:42,750 --> 00:10:44,280
and like, you told me
that if you were me,
260
00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:46,050
you would just forget
about him and move on,
261
00:10:46,050 --> 00:10:48,090
that I was like,
too good for him anyway,
262
00:10:48,090 --> 00:10:49,680
that really helped me.
263
00:10:51,050 --> 00:10:54,610
I was wondering if you had
any more advice for me, girl.
264
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:57,650
She's following me, Kev.
265
00:10:57,660 --> 00:10:59,230
And not the good
kind of following.
266
00:10:59,230 --> 00:11:01,630
I think you're overreacting.
267
00:11:01,630 --> 00:11:02,830
She hasn't left
me alone all day!
268
00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:05,165
So thanks a lot.
You gave me your stalker.
269
00:11:05,166 --> 00:11:07,190
I don't think
she's stalking you.
270
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,700
Oh, Kev, you are so egotistical.
271
00:11:09,700 --> 00:11:11,630
What? You think you're
the only one who's stalkable?
272
00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:14,440
(sighs)
273
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:17,240
(sing-songy) Someone's got a
secret crush that's not so secret.
274
00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:19,210
Check The Scoop.
275
00:11:30,250 --> 00:11:32,650
Audrey.
276
00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:34,750
Can I speak to you
for a minute, please?
277
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:36,390
All:
Ooh!
278
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,660
I am so sorry, Kevin.
279
00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:46,190
I have no idea
how people found out.
280
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,040
Look, can I just have
the letter back please?
281
00:11:48,030 --> 00:11:49,860
I don't want to run the risk of
it falling into the wrong hands.
282
00:11:49,870 --> 00:11:51,970
I don't even
have the letter anymore.
283
00:11:53,740 --> 00:11:55,040
I threw it out.
284
00:11:55,040 --> 00:12:00,410
(distorted music slows, stops)
285
00:12:00,410 --> 00:12:02,080
- Oh. You did?
- Mm-hmm.
286
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:05,310
So it is gone and forgotten.
287
00:12:05,310 --> 00:12:06,910
Good.
288
00:12:06,910 --> 00:12:09,410
- Good. That is good news.
- Yeah.
289
00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:17,150
What?
290
00:12:19,060 --> 00:12:21,730
Oh, no.
291
00:12:21,730 --> 00:12:22,800
No.
292
00:12:26,230 --> 00:12:29,000
You know what, Garfunkel?
The way things are going today,
293
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,040
I don't even care
if those aren't the wooden ones.
294
00:12:32,830 --> 00:12:35,030
- You can take it. Take it.
- Ah-ah-ah...
295
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,070
Julia, hi. Can we talk
to you for a second?
296
00:12:37,070 --> 00:12:38,130
(woman in video gasps)
297
00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:45,770
Do you have any idea who writes the
gossip section in The Superior Scoop?
298
00:12:45,780 --> 00:12:47,810
(scoffs) Please.
299
00:12:47,810 --> 00:12:49,840
I don't have time
for that kind of trash.
300
00:12:49,850 --> 00:12:51,070
It's just...
301
00:12:51,070 --> 00:12:52,285
It's obvious that somebody is
302
00:12:52,286 --> 00:12:54,840
listening to our conversations
and then writing about it,
303
00:12:54,850 --> 00:12:56,750
and we're just wondering
if there's any way that we could
304
00:12:56,750 --> 00:12:58,210
have a look
at the security camera footage.
305
00:12:58,220 --> 00:12:59,710
Security cameras?
306
00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:01,280
I don't even know
if I remember that link.
307
00:13:01,290 --> 00:13:03,330
I mean, they're probably
not even operating anymore.
308
00:13:04,460 --> 00:13:06,160
Oh! Yeah, I got it
up and running.
309
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,760
- Right there! The security camera.
- Oh.
310
00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:11,360
Is that the bathroom?
311
00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:13,790
Wait. What's Ricky doing?
312
00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:16,840
Mm. That is one
weird Mexican Sumo.
313
00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:18,340
He's not even moving.
He's just standing there.
314
00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:21,140
Julia: He'll do that all day long.
Good stuff, right?
315
00:13:26,140 --> 00:13:30,970
I mean, why would
he be standing... here?
316
00:13:30,980 --> 00:13:33,030
What...
317
00:13:33,030 --> 00:13:34,140
(Brian's voice reverberating)
Look, you don't
318
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:35,270
know how to take no
for an answer, Don.
319
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:37,310
Who is that?
320
00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:39,920
It sounded like my buddy,
Brian, but it couldn't be.
321
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:43,060
When I found you, I was like
Bobby Brown leaving New Edition,
322
00:13:43,060 --> 00:13:44,925
but I found
my prerogative, okay?
323
00:13:44,926 --> 00:13:45,950
- Yeah.
- Don't be cruel!
324
00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:47,290
(inaudible)
325
00:13:47,290 --> 00:13:51,860
(Don's voice reverberating) I would hate
for you to dump me and then find yourself
326
00:13:51,860 --> 00:13:54,990
abandoned down the line when your perfect
friend decides to go back to Italy.
327
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,270
Brian:
I know what you're doing, Don.
328
00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:57,900
I know what you're doing
and it's not gonna work!
329
00:13:57,900 --> 00:13:59,870
- The zombie movie, you know?
- Don't you talk about...
330
00:13:59,870 --> 00:14:03,910
Every time we talked,
we were in that exact spot.
331
00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:06,840
Ricky heard
everything from here.
332
00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:08,840
Here is my
seat reassignment long-form.
333
00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:11,340
You can give my old desk
to someone else.
334
00:14:13,780 --> 00:14:15,220
I don't even have
the letter anymore.
335
00:14:15,220 --> 00:14:17,880
(Audrey's voice reverberates)
I threw it out.
336
00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:19,980
Audrey: Our voices must have
traveled across the ceiling.
337
00:14:19,990 --> 00:14:21,790
Trashed.
338
00:14:21,790 --> 00:14:23,790
He's the one
who is writing about us.
339
00:14:23,790 --> 00:14:27,160
Ricky! Unbelievable.
I feel so betrayed.
340
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:29,230
I held his hand through
all of his feet spasms.
341
00:14:29,230 --> 00:14:30,395
We have to get back at him.
342
00:14:30,396 --> 00:14:32,150
- Vengeance will be mine!
- And mine!
343
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,420
And... and your...
both of ours.
344
00:14:34,430 --> 00:14:35,960
- Let's do it.
- Okay.
345
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:38,120
(overlapping chatter)
346
00:14:38,130 --> 00:14:40,160
Kevin, remember Don?
347
00:14:40,170 --> 00:14:42,100
Oh hey, bro.
348
00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:44,040
Can you please explain to Don
that you and I are reunited
349
00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:46,570
and his friendship services
are no longer required?
350
00:14:46,570 --> 00:14:48,230
Brian, Audrey and I are in
the middle of something.
351
00:14:48,270 --> 00:14:49,110
It's kind of an emergency.
352
00:14:49,110 --> 00:14:51,340
More of an emergency than making
it clear that you and I got a bond
353
00:14:51,340 --> 00:14:53,400
stronger than any friend
matching website can calculate?
354
00:14:53,410 --> 00:14:56,950
Well, this seems
like guy talk, sort of.
355
00:14:56,950 --> 00:15:00,120
Come find me when you're
ready for the vengeance.
356
00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,150
- Bye, guys.
- See you later.
357
00:15:02,150 --> 00:15:04,040
- Don.
- Huh?
358
00:15:04,050 --> 00:15:05,910
Brian doesn't want to be
your friend anymore, okay?
359
00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:08,260
Sometimes people make choices
and they second guess
360
00:15:08,260 --> 00:15:10,030
and they don't mean
to hurt your feelings,
361
00:15:10,030 --> 00:15:11,980
but it just happens.
362
00:15:11,990 --> 00:15:13,150
You mean it?
363
00:15:17,090 --> 00:15:19,020
'Cause it did hurt, you know.
364
00:15:19,030 --> 00:15:20,970
Just so you know, when you... when
you left me and you went to Italy...
365
00:15:20,970 --> 00:15:22,510
I never went to Italy.
366
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:24,070
Okay, well, whatever you did,
you did it without telling me.
367
00:15:24,070 --> 00:15:25,970
- I would never do that.
- Don...
368
00:15:25,970 --> 00:15:28,000
you need to move on, man.
369
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:31,470
You're gonna find
your fit man seeking man.
370
00:15:31,470 --> 00:15:33,100
This one is mine.
371
00:15:33,110 --> 00:15:35,080
(sighs)
Well, it's clear to me that
372
00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:37,050
I'm not going to be able
to break up what you guys have.
373
00:15:37,050 --> 00:15:38,340
So...
374
00:15:38,350 --> 00:15:40,350
Would you consider
adding a third?
375
00:15:41,350 --> 00:15:43,450
That's a totally
different website, Don.
376
00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:47,290
Roxie:
Hello, Patti.
377
00:15:47,290 --> 00:15:49,990
Ah! Roxie!
Oh, my God!
378
00:15:49,990 --> 00:15:51,820
What are you doing here?
379
00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:53,650
Same thing you've been
doing to me. Stalking.
380
00:15:53,660 --> 00:15:55,810
I wasn't stalking you.
381
00:15:55,810 --> 00:15:57,960
Okay, well, then explain
why you followed me around
382
00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:00,020
and you told me
all of your personal business
383
00:16:00,030 --> 00:16:01,970
and you like, expected me
to give you advice or something?
384
00:16:01,970 --> 00:16:03,660
I mean, I was terrified.
385
00:16:03,670 --> 00:16:05,470
If my nails weren't wet,
I would have maced you.
386
00:16:05,470 --> 00:16:07,000
I was just
trying to talk to you.
387
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,640
Who talks about their feelings
in a nail salon?
388
00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:11,470
Like, every woman ever.
389
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:13,070
Do you not have any girlfriends?
390
00:16:13,070 --> 00:16:15,270
I mean, I had one
in like, tenth grade.
391
00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:17,540
Oh. You don't mean sexually.
392
00:16:17,540 --> 00:16:19,970
Well, I had one in eighth grade,
393
00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:22,650
but she was mean to me
and then I was mean to her
394
00:16:22,650 --> 00:16:24,080
and then that was basically it.
395
00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,050
Well, maybe it's time
for a new one.
396
00:16:26,050 --> 00:16:28,150
You're lucky.
I'm a really good friend.
397
00:16:28,150 --> 00:16:29,350
Do you day drink?
398
00:16:29,350 --> 00:16:31,050
Well, it's the day
and I am drunk,
399
00:16:31,050 --> 00:16:32,480
so you tell me.
400
00:16:36,150 --> 00:16:38,180
I mean, Julia's our boss.
401
00:16:38,190 --> 00:16:42,230
I can't believe she wants
Ricky to do her in her office.
402
00:16:42,230 --> 00:16:44,310
But that's what she said.
403
00:16:44,310 --> 00:16:46,400
She said, "I want Ricky
to do me in my office."
404
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:48,070
(Audrey's voice reverberates)
Lots of times.
405
00:16:48,060 --> 00:16:49,390
Didn't she also
say, "Lots of times?"
406
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:50,670
Kevin: Yes, she did.
She did say that.
407
00:16:50,670 --> 00:16:53,630
"I want Ricky to do me
all the ways that...
408
00:16:53,630 --> 00:16:57,000
I am to be done.
Plow me like the fields."
409
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,130
(both snickering)
410
00:17:01,540 --> 00:17:04,080
Audrey: "Are sparks flying
between a loyal leader
411
00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:07,050
"and a certain husky man
in plaid who craves
412
00:17:07,050 --> 00:17:10,370
"a strict hand
of a mature beauty?
413
00:17:10,380 --> 00:17:12,050
Stay tuned."
414
00:17:12,050 --> 00:17:14,220
I almost feel bad.
415
00:17:16,020 --> 00:17:17,290
Ricky!
416
00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:25,180
(growls)
417
00:17:25,190 --> 00:17:27,130
♪ Oh, me so horny ♪
418
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:28,430
♪ Oh, me so horny ♪
419
00:17:28,430 --> 00:17:30,290
♪ Me love you long time ♪
420
00:17:30,290 --> 00:17:32,120
♪ Oh, me so horny ♪
421
00:17:32,130 --> 00:17:34,030
- Oh, man.
- Oh, dude.
422
00:17:34,030 --> 00:17:36,430
I don't know whether
to never talk about this again
423
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:38,260
or to never stop
talking about this.
424
00:17:38,270 --> 00:17:39,800
Never stop talking about this.
425
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:42,600
- Definitely never stop
talking about this. -Okay.
426
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:46,030
- Aww. -And Kevin is a
total crier, of course.
427
00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:48,180
Of course! Idiot.
428
00:17:49,740 --> 00:17:51,600
Well, at least he was
when he was a kid.
429
00:17:51,610 --> 00:17:53,650
Oh... Idiot!
430
00:17:53,650 --> 00:17:54,680
(both laugh)
431
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:56,080
(doorbell rings)
432
00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:57,215
Ooh! Pizza's here!
433
00:17:57,216 --> 00:17:59,040
Oh, shoot!
Do you have any cash?
434
00:17:59,050 --> 00:18:01,150
This place doesn't take
my dad's credit card.
435
00:18:01,150 --> 00:18:02,340
All I have is
my brother's credit card.
436
00:18:02,350 --> 00:18:04,150
Aww, I love how
entitled you are.
437
00:18:04,150 --> 00:18:05,550
I love how entitled you are!
438
00:18:05,550 --> 00:18:07,080
- No wonder we're friends!
- (giggles)
439
00:18:07,090 --> 00:18:08,320
Your roommate has a passport.
440
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:09,550
I'm sure she has
money somewhere.
441
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,970
Yes!
442
00:18:11,970 --> 00:18:14,390
You know, all this time
I've been imagining how great
443
00:18:14,390 --> 00:18:16,050
Audrey and I would be
if she would just give
444
00:18:16,060 --> 00:18:17,290
me the chance,
and then today at work,
445
00:18:17,300 --> 00:18:20,130
we actually
were great together, but...
446
00:18:20,130 --> 00:18:22,060
she threw out the letter.
447
00:18:22,070 --> 00:18:24,140
I'm sorry, man.
448
00:18:24,140 --> 00:18:26,340
No, it's okay.
449
00:18:26,340 --> 00:18:28,340
It's time for Kevin to move on!
450
00:18:28,340 --> 00:18:31,610
♪ It's time for Kevin
to move on ♪
451
00:18:31,610 --> 00:18:33,340
♪ Kevin gotta move on ♪
452
00:18:33,340 --> 00:18:34,440
Coming!
453
00:18:36,580 --> 00:18:37,810
Hmm...
454
00:18:37,810 --> 00:18:39,210
I can't find any!
455
00:18:39,210 --> 00:18:40,270
Check her underwear drawer!
456
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:41,370
That's where Kev keeps his!
457
00:18:41,380 --> 00:18:43,140
Ooh. That's hot.
458
00:18:46,420 --> 00:18:48,190
What is this?
459
00:18:48,190 --> 00:18:50,490
"Dear Audrey, I know you
don't think about me
460
00:18:50,490 --> 00:18:55,160
"in a special way or at all, but
I think about you all the time...
461
00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:58,200
Oh, hello.
462
00:18:58,200 --> 00:18:59,800
You're cute.
463
00:19:01,530 --> 00:19:05,190
Until then,
Kevin from work."
464
00:19:07,570 --> 00:19:08,810
My Kevin?
465
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:11,640
What are you doing this weekend?
466
00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:12,870
Do you want to drive
me to Coachella?
467
00:19:12,870 --> 00:19:14,230
Patti:
Why didn't you tell me?
468
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:15,780
I thought you were my friend.
469
00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:21,150
I'm sorry I lied, Patti.
470
00:19:21,150 --> 00:19:22,410
But that's before
we were friends.
471
00:19:22,410 --> 00:19:24,270
I would never
ever lie to you now.
472
00:19:26,180 --> 00:19:27,580
Is this top too bright?
473
00:19:29,450 --> 00:19:31,650
(sighs)
A little.
474
00:19:35,860 --> 00:19:36,730
You really are my girl.
475
00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:38,180
But just so you know, I'm
about to do something
476
00:19:38,190 --> 00:19:39,730
to your brother that might
test our friendship.
477
00:19:39,730 --> 00:19:41,220
It's understandable.
478
00:19:41,230 --> 00:19:42,300
Boop.
479
00:19:44,630 --> 00:19:46,160
- Boop.
- (laughs)
480
00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:47,860
Both:
Boop!
481
00:19:47,860 --> 00:19:49,660
Both:
Boop!
482
00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:53,400
Brian:
All right.
483
00:19:54,370 --> 00:19:56,240
Kevin:
Well, I appreciate it.
484
00:19:59,170 --> 00:20:01,270
- You good? Bye.
- Thanks for the ride.
485
00:20:01,270 --> 00:20:03,700
"Lie fell apart. Oops!"
486
00:20:03,710 --> 00:20:05,240
Hi, Kevin.
487
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:06,800
Brian!
488
00:20:06,810 --> 00:20:10,250
I heard things didn't quite
work out with your fiancée.
489
00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:14,320
Patti, don't be upset.
I... I can explain.
490
00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:15,620
Oh, really?
491
00:20:15,620 --> 00:20:17,250
You can explain this?
492
00:20:19,190 --> 00:20:21,590
(majestic music playing)
493
00:20:21,590 --> 00:20:23,460
She kept it!
494
00:20:24,820 --> 00:20:25,880
Ah!
35822
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