Original subtitles

Freaks and Geeks S01E02 Beers and Weirs (VO)

Lindsay, how would you like to go buy some new clothes at the mall?

These old jeans are looking pretty ragging.

No thanks, Mom, I like my jeans.

Dad's the one who could use some pants.

Who am I to impress?

When it's your house, you can wear a tuxedo to breakfast.

I called Mrs. Amandala,

she's gonna stay with you kids while Daddy and I are in Chicago.

Mom, no!

We don't need a babysitter, I can take care of Sam.

I can take care of myself!

Oh, yeah, that's a great idea.

I can just see you guys, eating candy for breakfast

and drawing pictures on the wall.

How old do you think we are, Dad?

I've been babysitting for the Kellers for two years already.

Yeah, that's for their kids.

I don't know, maybe they are a little old for a babysitter.

Maybe they're ready, hon.

Fine. Mrs. Amandala makes the house smell like an old lady anyway.

I hear Peter Lemengela is playing the closing night.

Paul Anka.

Paul Anka... Can I come?

You'd prefer if we listened to that punk rock music I've been reading about.

You know, those Sex Pistols? They spit on their audience.

That's terrible.

That's what I wanna do, spend my hard earned money to be spit on.

That's entertaining.

Come on, Dad,

every generation is afraid of the music that comes from the next.

I'm sure your parents hated Elvis.

Elvis didn't expectorate on his fans.

No, but he died on the toilet.

That's paradise compared to where those Sex Pistols are gonna end up.

- What's up. - What's the matter?

John Bonham died.

Yeah, I know, last week.

He's dead. You know, it's like... he's dead.

As a result, there's no more...

Led Zeppelin.

Why don't they just get a new drummer?

What? Are you...

Let's just forget it.

No, what you gotta do is look for something in the store

that's expensive but looks really cheap.

Then you switch price tags with something that is really cheap.

You put the original back on it, and return it for store credit.

That's how I got this jacket.

Ten bucks, this thing cost me.

Oh, it's beautiful!

Clearly worth all the effort.

My dad caught a shoplifter once.

He locked him in the store, and when the cops came...

Well, my dad says shoplifters cost him a fortune.

If I owned a store, and caught some little kid shoplifting,

I'd just take 'em out the back,

and then deal with it.

Would you, Mr. Tough Man?

Yeah, I would, Mrs. Tough Man.

Like that time when John Ergner kicked your ass, like that?

Do you mind flapping your lips somewhere else? You smell.

Did you guys break up or something?

No, we didn't break up.

I dumped his loser ass.

Is that what happened!

OK, if it makes you feel better.

Does anybody want to come and see The Wall with me on Saturday night?

I thought I might try and experiment,

see it straight, once.

Don't do it.

You'll regret it, man. Trust me.

I would, but my parents are going out of town,

I have to watch my little brother.

Maybe we can all hang out at your house.

Kegger!

Kegger.

You mean, like a party?

Yeah, right.

Lindsay is too lame to let anyone enter her precious little house.

Sure!

Why not? I like parties.

Great.

Who's the too lame one?

Up yours!

OK, guys, ten bucks each for the keg.

Come on, you too.

No, Lindsay, please.

House drinks free.

Don't worry about anything.

Why does she hang out with those guys?

I don't know. Why don't you go over there and ask her?

They're gonna ruin her life.

If you don't care about high school, you won't get into a good college,

you'll have no future and you'll wind up dead or in jail.

Really?

Were you asleep during Scared Straight?

You're in love with Lindsay.

I am not! What are you talking about?

- Why are you getting so mad? - I'm not!

Why would you say that?

You have your book in front of your pants.

Shut up. Jerk.

I'm not in love with her.

I just care about her because she's my good friend's sister.

Maybe you should ask yourself why you don't care.

I care! Come on, you know I care.

Sam, I'm having a keg party tomorrow night.

- You are? - Yes, so you can't tell Mom and Dad.

What if your friends trash our house?

My friends aren't gonna trash the house.

I'll have time to clean up before Mom and Dad get back.

What if Dad finds out?

That's my problem, don't worry about it.

No, it's not, because Dad will yell at me for not telling on you.

Are you gonna tell on me?

I guess not. But I'm just...

Thanks Sam! See you later!

Give me your keys, man. You're drunk.

I'm not drunk. Get out of my way, I'm fine.

No, you're not. And I'm not going to drive with you.

I don't care!

If you try to drive like that, I'm gonna call the police.

I thought you were my friend!

He is your friend, Daisy.

- Who are you? - I'm the designated driver.

I made a pledge not to drink at this party,

so I can help people like you get home safely.

That's cool. I should have done that.

The designated driver is pretty hot.

I'd like to get her drunk.

If you drive right now, you're not only a danger to yourself,

but you're a danger to everyone else on the road.

You're like a loaded gun.

I didn't wanna hurt anyone.

We know that.

What do you say? Will you give me your keys?

And... freeze.

Let's hear it for the Sober Students improv players.

That was a good example of how to prevent a tragedy.

But there's an even better way to save lives.

And that's not to drink.

Ken's got the right idea.

If other adults drink, it doesn't mean you have to.

Now, I know what you're thinking.

"Mr. Rosso, you don't understand.

If I don't drink, I won't be cool."

Well, you know what I say to that?

Maybe, if you don't drink,

you will be cool.

And right now, our thespians Millie, Cindy and Harris,

will show you how you can stay sober

and still be cool.

OK, what I need from you people,

is a kind of party where drinking might occur.

A sex party!

Alright, I think I heard someone say "birthday party".

OK, you're at a birthday party.

And... go.

Mary, happy birthday!

Oh, thank you, Bob.

How's it going?

Good. You did a really nice job decorating here.

You know if anyone here has any cocaine?

No. Coke does damage to your brain.

I think I can have coke whenever I want, but...

I can only watch you open your presents now.

Oh, thank you, Bob.

That's very sweet.

Wanna get out of here?

Sure.

I'm gonna go.

You count to ten, and then come.

- OK? - This is the best birthday ever.

Come on, let's go get a glass of pop.

I hope they have orange.

Hey, it's a party, isn't it?

And... freeze.

As you can see,

nothing is more contagious than good judgement.

Thanks, kids.

Jimmy, lights.

But, if you still think drinking is cool...

why not ask Jenny Powell if drinking is cool?

Well, you can't ask her,

she crashed into a phone pole this winter, driving drunk,

after a New Year's party.

And you can't ask John Jablowski either.

He died from alcohol poisoning at a fraternity party.

I love being told not to drink by a pothead hippie guidance counselor.

There's probably a bar in the teacher's lounge.

Yeah, probably.

Hey, Strawker, ten bucks for the keg.

Don't weasel out on me,

or I'll cut that hair off and I'll sell it.

I hope you don't mind, I invited my cousin and his friends.

Oh, that's cool. What grade are they in?

No grade. They're older.

Cool.

I know.

We gotta do something about your sister's party.

What's the big deal? It's just beer.

Yeah, beer at a freak party?

My cousin was at a freak party once, and someone put angel dust in her drink.

Oh, man...

We gotta go. To protect Lindsay.

Oh, I can't...

Dallas is on.

What? Bill, Dallas sucks.

You suck. Dallas rules!

You're just gonna let Lindsay end up like one of those pictures?

Fine, I'll go.

But I'm watching Dallas there.

I'm just joking.

I don't watch Dallas.

If the hot water heater makes that funny noise, call the gas company.

I don't want to come home to a couple of dead kids.

There's 50 bucks on the dining room table, that should be enough.

Lindsay, you're in charge of it.

It's not for those Star Wars cards or those goofy packs.

- Wacky packs. - Whatever. Don't blow it.

Lindsay, come here, sweetie!

This is dinner for Friday night,

this is lunch and dinner for Saturday.

If you need anything else, Daddy left 50 dollars on the dining room table.

Let's go, I wanna get there before the welcome mixer.

And turn out the lights when you go out, I'm not made of money.

Wait!

What is it?

Have a good trip.

Thanks. We'll be back Sunday night.

- Don't do anything stupid. - I love you.

Have fun, guys!

At assembly today, they did these improvisations

about drinking and driving.

It was pretty funny.

Yeah, I saw, that's why I left.

At assembly today,

they showed these pictures of kids who died in drunk-driving accidents.

- Did you know any of them? - No.

One of their moms talked.

She was pretty sad.

It kind of freaked everybody out.

And at assembly today,

they said that if you drink too much in one night,

you can die of alcohol poisoning.

Sam! You sound like Dad.

I just don't know why you have to have beer at your party, that's all.

You've never had beer at any of your other parties and they were fun.

Those were birthday parties, Sam. We were bowling.

Remember the party where you had a magician? That was fun.

- Why don't you have a magician? - We are not having a magician.

Why am I talking to you? I'm in charge. Leave me alone.

Leave me alone!

If F is a differentiable function of X

and C is a real number, then...

Can I help you, miss?

There's an emergency phone call for Lindsay Weir.

It's her mom.

Linsday, OK.

Come on, let's go.

OK, people, back on me. The show's over.

- Did they say what's wrong? - They didn't tell me anything.

Not now, there's some emergency with my parents!

I know, they want you to come with them to buy a keg.

- What? - Thanks a lot, Sarah.

No problem. See you at the party, Nick.

It's a cute necklace!

We're cutting.

Daniel is paying his brother 20 bucks and he's gonna buy us a keg.

They're waiting for us with the car.

Are you OK?

I just... It's that whole emergency phone call...

thing!

Let's go get some beer.

I got it.

Maybe you can call your parents and tell 'em you fell and hit your head

and have them come home before the party.

Then what happens when they come home and see my head is fine?

We have to hit you over the head and give you a bump.

Like in a Dirty Harry movie?

The bad guy yells to this black guy so he beat him up?

Then he blames it on Clint.

"It was Callahan!"

No chance. I'm not gonna let you guys hit me.

Hey, guys...

Whenever my uncle visits, my mom gives him non-alcoholic beer

so he doesn't get all drunk and yell at everyone.

What's a non-alcoholic beer?

It's just like beer, but without the ingredient that makes you drunk.

Alcohol?

That's a great idea.

But we're gonna have to buy a whole keg of it.

- It's gonna be expensive. - I don't have any money.

I don't either.

Yes, you do.

- Oh, no, no way. - Why not?

It's my bar-mitzvah money!

I was saving it to go backpack across Europe.

Come on, this is important.

Everytime you guys have a problem, wanna dip into my bar-mitzvah money.

It's not like I get to have another one.

Come on.

For Lindsay.

Fine.

Mazeltov!

Shut up.

What if somebody robs this place while we're in here?

People are always getting shot in liquor stores.

Do you think they sell yogurt here?

I'm kind of thirsty.

Yeah, Bill, go ask the guy, maybe he can change your diaper, too.

That was unnecessary!

We're out of Pop Rocks.

A keg of beer, please.

Don't see that happening.

No, we'd like non-alcoholic beer.

Oh, really?

Please?

We really need it.

What for?

We're gonna switch the kegs at his sister's party.

Righteous!

Bill! Put your jacket on it, so if someone drives by, they don't see it.

I hope we don't get caught.

Then hurry up.

Bill, push!

I am! I am!

She's in there. How are we gonna do this?

I'll distract her while you and Bill switch the keg.

I'm tired of carrying that stupid keg.

- Why don't you let me distract her? - I'm distracting her.

Come on, hurry up.

I'm going in.

What are you doing here?

Sam, Bill and I are just hanging out.

Oh, please, allow me.

Thanks.

Push!

I am pushing.

It's heavy.

Careful, my foot!

It's your foot. You can watch it too, you know.

So, what kind of music are you gonna play tonight?

You should play some Chicago, they have a really hot horn section.

I don't know.

I think I'm gonna play some Zeppelin, Foghat,

maybe some Sabbath...

Friday night, always a good night for some sabbath!

Cause you know... Friday...

the sabbath...

for the Jews...

- You think Neal's OK in there? - He's having a great time.

Why?

- He's in love with your sister. - What?

Hey Sam, what was that?

Nothing. Bill fell.

Don't you wanna go play with those guys?

No.

I like talking to you.

If Neal marries your sister, then he'd be your brother-in-law.

And then if you had kids,

Neal would be their Uncle Neal.

And then, Lindsay's kids would look like Neal.

Bill... Shut up!

He doesn't love Lindsay!

That's not what he told me.

I think Bill's got an ear infection,

it's messing with his equilibrium...

I think you need more M&M's.

- I don't have any more M&M's. - I saw some right over there.

No, we don't have any more M&M's. Now, get out of my way!

What are you guys doing...

it's...

No, Bill. It's OK, I...

Neal told me about your...

Help him! Sam, give him something to wear.

Come in.

So... what do you think?

What do you think we are?

Hippies?

I think it looks great.

It's great.

I like that unicorn.

Well, my house is so boring-looking,

so I wanted to make it look more party-like.

I'll tell you what will make it look more party-like.

Point me to the keg.

In the corner.

And I'm in the corner.

Don't be nervous.

This party is gonna be great.

Thanks.

Yeah, so... this is the main room?

Why?

It's probably big enough.

Word's getting around.

So, you mind if I check out the rest?

People are here.

Alright, it's going down.

You're blocking the TV.

What do you think is gonna happen?

Hopefully, everybody's gonna drink a bunch of fake beer,

have to pee a lot and go home cause they're bored.

This is genius.

It's my idea.

I'm the genius.

Alright, here's the plan. Bill, you're guarding the keg.

Neal and I will patrol the party.

I'll keep an eye on Lindsay.

I'm the genius.

Come on in.

This beer sucks!

Tastes weird to you?

It's imported.

Nothing's too god for our friends.

Daniel probably bought cheap beer and kept the extra cash.

Definitely.

So, I think if you look back even, that song remains the same.

For instance, he's dressed like a gangster,

and his head got shot off, right?

Now, that multicolor paint and stuff came out of his neck...

I think what that means is that he knew,

even then, that he was gonna die.

What?

Could you not sit on that, please?

It's glass.

Nah, Neal, you wouldn't want to trade places with me.

Believe me.

I don't know, I mean, I'm Jewish. It's no cakewalk either.

I was like, the school treasure last year,

I didn't even run!

Millie!

I saw the cars out on the front.

Yeah, we're all hanging out...

You missed the pop quiz in chemistry today.

I did? Really?

Were you skipping out with your new friends?

Or should I call them drinking buddies?

Why are you doing this, Lindsay?

You're asking for trouble.

Beer, here?

No, thank you.

I prefer to get high on life.

You're that chick from that thing yesterday!

- Would you give me a ride home? - Yes, I would.

"Yes, I would!"

Why is it so funny?

I gotta get back to the party.

You wanna stay?

Yes.

And I'm gonna have more fun than any of you.

Sober.

Can I help you?

No doubt.

We're friends of Daniel's.

We're looking for some beer.

Jimmy!

Hey, sweet thing. Where is your boy?

Hopefully, under a truck.

I dumped his ass.

- I know, man. - That makes you available?

No way, Alvin!

She's mine!

Come on, boys.

Let's go and tear this mother down!

Who are those guys?

They're...

my guests.

Oh, man, I gotta pee!

So you're out of forfeit.

I'm the Lord of quarters!

I've had five beers already, I'm not even buzzed.

Yeah, man, I don't know what to say. You're the man.

I haven't had any, and I'm saying,

I'm having more fun than any of you.

Excuse me.

Wait a second, man. Aren't you a Sober Student?

I only do that cause it looks good on my transcript for college.

Alright!

Wait, wait... wait til I'm ready.

I wasn't ready!

Hit harder. Harder. Come on!

Beans of steel!

You're tickling me.

Step right up, my big man, I'm right here.

That was cool, man.

You're sure we put out the right keg?

It's working better than we wanted. They think they're drunk.

- You think so? - Look at them. They're wasted.

That's the placebo effect working for you, my friend.

Look at that guy.

What if they trash the place cause they think they're drunk?

They won't.

I don't think.

This could be bad.

What are you doing?

I'm just looking at all the stuff.

How old are you here?

I was... younger.

I was really geeky.

You win all that, don't you?

I guess.

I've been meaning to put that in the basement.

First place of algebra division?

Right, you're one of those...

Mathletes.

Yeah, I know, it's... stupid.

But I don't do that anymore.

Why do you say stupid?

You look pretty happy there.

If I ever won a blue ribbon,

I'd be so pumped.

I mean...

I wouldn't wear it around or nothing, but...

It's cool.

Thanks.

That's that chick from the assembly, man!

Jesus is just over right with me

I don't care what they may say

I don't care what they may do

Jesus is just all right

Let's do it.

Let's go.

Hi, Ken.

Do you guys like my sister?

Sure.

Then, can you make sure she doesn't get too much trouble?

Thanks.

Which one is your sister?

She's not that chick who's singing, is she?

Careful. Careful, JR, it's a trap!

- Hey, you wanna go? - What?

I said, do you wanna go?

I always wanna go, grandpa.

You wanna go?

Let's go, fat boy!

That was stupid, old man.

Alright, cool out, man. Not here.

Alright, are we cool?

Whatever.

I didn't know you were coming.

Yeah, Neal invited me.

This is my cousin Beth. She's visiting from Boca Raton.

So, where's the beer?

It's... it's over there.

Don't worry, I'm the designated driver!

Good God!

Why did Neal invite her?

Now she's gonna see all the dumb stuff in my house.

His plan is to distract you so he can hit on your sister.

Oh, man, he's so dead. What am I gonna say to Cindy?

Don't say anything.

Be dominant.

It's all about dominance.

I saw this monkey show on PBS...

If you talk to her first, it's a sign of weakness.

And she will not pick you to be her mate.

Are you drunk?

I think so, yes I am.

Go into my room, lock the door, and don't drink any more.

That's very dominant.

Have you guys seen Daniel?

Thanks for the dance.

Watch it, Romeo, you're on my hair!

Hey, we're busy here.

Sorry.

Don't worry. We threw your teddy bears on the floor.

Daniel and Kim are making out on my bed.

I thought they broke up.

Yeah, I don't know, they break up, like,

every week, so...

You don't look like you're having very much fun.

Well, I'm not.

This is a party.

OK? So, will you please just...

try to relax and have a good time?

And when it's over, I'll stay and help you clean up.

Thanks.

I'm so glad you're here.

Yeah, me too.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Ew, stop!

- What are you doing? - I'm sorry.

Oh, my God. I'm really really sorry.

- What are you doing? - I'm really sorry.

I'm really wasted right now, you know?

John Bonham died!

Lindsay? Are you OK?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I'll be out in a minute.

Sometimes, it helps to talk to someone.

I'm too drunk to talk.

No, that's OK.

I speak drunk.

I'm so wasted and I hate my life.

You shouldn't hate your life.

Why not? It sucks.

No, it doesn't.

You're a beautiful young girl,

the world is your oyster.

Please, leave me alone.

Why?

Because you're Sam's sister.

I'm so wasted!

I wish I'd never had this party.

That's alright, it's OK.

It'll be OK.

Sam, right?

Have you seen your sister around, anywhere?

No, not recently.

If you see her, could you tell her that I'm really sorry?

Did you break something?

Just forget it, OK?

Oh, God, what is going on out there?

I didn't wanna have this party. I had it because Daniel wanted it,

and next thing I know, he's making out on my bed with Kim.

Typical.

All my new friends think I'm some goody-two-shoes

and all my old friends think I'm throwing my life away.

How am I supposed to do?

Can I speak freely?

That Daniel guy? You can do better.

And hey, at least, people showed up to your party.

When I was in the 6th grade, my mom threw me a surprise party,

you know what the surprise was?

Nobody showed up.

Except Bill and Sam.

Whoever's in there, we need five bucks from everyone.

We're gonna get another keg.

Oh, my God.

Forget it, man, we just found fifty bucks!

You've gotta do something.

I can't. If I go out there and kick everybody out,

I'm gonna look so lame.

No. Why don't you call the police?

That's what my dad always does. Pretend to be an angry neighbour.

So they can come in and find the keg?

Not without a warrant.

No, no, I can't.

God, I can't handle any of this!

Of course you can, you're Lindsay Weir. You can do anything.

You're smart and pretty,

you don't take any crap, and you're the perfect girl,

and I've been in love with you since I was five years-old.

Maybe I should go.

Hi, police please. Thank you.

Yes, hello. Police?

Yes, hi. There is a very loud and annoying party going on next door.

It's been going on forever.

I'm very tired, I'm old, I need my rest. I gotta work tomorrow.

It's 13, Gnome Drive.

Thank you. Please hurry up.

I'm so tired.

Done.

I'd say that party has a life expectancy of five minutes.

Thanks, Neal.

Hi Cindy, I didn't see you there.

So, how's it going?

Pretty good.

So, where are all the cute guys?

What...

the bus hasn't arrived yet?

Oh, my God, the police are here!

Come on, everybody out!

Do you want Lindsay to get in trouble?

I'm on parole.

Let's get out of here before they search for the beer.

You don't have to run, Ken, it's fake beer.

I know.

I won 87 bucks playing quarters.

This party ruled!

Hey, Lindsay, great party.

We had a great time.

Glad you had a good time.

I knew you had it in you.

Let's get out of here.

You were a wonderful hostess.

Have us back again soon.

I should've hired a magician.

Hey, Bill, get up.

That's how the drummer from Led Zeppelin died.

Did he?

Good night, Lindsay.