Original subtitles

You will keep an eye on Mr. Daly until things are sorted out. I don't want to

bring him halfway around the world and then have him slip under a bus before

estate's cleared up. G'day, Arthur.

G'day, Ray.

Welcome to Sydney.

It's important, Arthur. You're carrying on like the inheritance is already

yours. You're Joshua Daly's illegitimate son because I say you are.

And you're going to stay that way until I tell you it can stop.

I've travelled thousands of miles expecting to cop for my great -uncle's

only to find five other Dalys expecting the same.

Get after him. Get the documents.

I don't care what you do, just get them.

Joshua Daly's sole heir is Dimitri Phyllis Aristotle Daly.

No, no, stop the proceedings.

It's a ringer. I demand a recount.

We haven't got enough cash left for a bus to Bondi, never mind the air

We cannot afford to pay this hotel bill. If you think a man in my position is

going to abscond from one of the world's top hotels without paying, you're very

much mistaken.

OK.

Any other suggestions?

I think the fire exit's favourite.

Go on.

It's all in here.

It is all in here.

Her Britannic Majesty requests and requires that I be allowed to pass

without let or inference and given all necessary assistance all over the place.

I think that sums up our situation.

That means they let you in, Arthur. It doesn't mean they bail you out.

Look, it may have escaped your notice, but this country still flies a Union

Jack. Commonwealth ties, Ray.

You'll see.

And we was wondering what these mates of ours would do if they found themselves

with no money and no ticket home.

I mean, what would be their best course of action?

British nationals, you say. Bread and bone.

I find it hard to believe that your mates came to this country in the first

place without a return ticket.

But if they have, between you and I, I'm afraid it would be their responsibility

to extricate themselves as best they can.

Would it?

The British taxpayer can hardly be expected to foot the bill for every

traveller. Do you mean to tell me Her Majesty's government is unwilling to

up the Reddies to send these poor unfortunates home?

It's not in our brief, old boy.

I'm shocked. Nay, disgusted.

These two lads have pulled their weight for our fair nation, financially through

crippling taxes and, in the older gent's case, bodily, fighting for freedom and

democracy when Britain faced her darkest hour.

And now when fate deals a crumpled card, you cannot extend an helping hand to

us. Then, then.

We do have our guidelines.

What you have, my man, is art of stone. I shall be banging off a very strong

letter to the Foreign Office.

Sorry to be of so little help.

Yeah, thanks.

And I think you should warn your mates that the Australian authorities take a

very dim view of any overseas visitor who violates the conditions of his visa.

How dim would that be?

Arrest, deportation, and thereafter, persona non grata.

Disgraceful. Because we didn't go to the same school as him.

What a indignity of it.

Deported from Australia.

You haven't been yet.

But we will be if the police catch up with us. It's an outrage.

Nothing left.

There was a time when being British counted for something. We looked after

own, the Pax Britannica.

No, they're only prepared to send you home in a wooden box.

Hey, what police?

Yeah, your land of open glory speech didn't mention us British doing a runner

from the hotel, did it? A temporary absence, Raymond.

We will make full restitution.

You got any change?

Yeah, what for?

It's ringing.

Hello? Hello, Dave?

Hello, Dave?

Put the money in. Oh, yeah.

Hello, Dave.

Hello, Dave.

Oh, hello, Ethel.

It's the cleaner.

Oh, no.

It's Arthur here, Ethel. How are you?

Arthur?

Yeah, I'm in Australia.

You're very nice, thank you. Yeah, very hot.

No, Ray's with me.

Get on with it, Arthur.

Ethel, is Dave there?

Ah.

Oh, all right, then. Never mind.

Bye -bye.

What are you doing? Why didn't you leave him a message?

I couldn't. I could never face her again.

She admires me. But you just wasted eight dollars. Let me in there.

I'm not interested in the others. Just the English bloke.

Oh, dearly.

So I'd like to believe.

Do you think you registered under that name?

Oh, yes.

It'd be too clever not to.

And the so -called nephew.

Masterstroke bringing him along.

I think we'd better find out a bit more about her, Mr. Daly.

Like who he is.

And how long he's been in Australia.

The point is, Ethel, I need to speak to Dave, urgent.

He's what?

Well, when's he coming back then?

Nah, never mind.

Nah, no message.

He's closed the club up and he's gone off driving round the south of England.

mean, what the hell's he playing at? Oh, he's gone looking for a country pub.

What? Yeah, I said we might buy one when I get back.

Well, why didn't you say so before we stuffed $16 into the phone? I didn't

he took me literally.

You're awful. Well, aren't you? Except the reverse charge phone call. No.

Well, what do you reckon? No, her indoors didn't want to be in the house

own. She's gone up to Norfolk to stay with her sister.

Well, you've got her number there. No, no, it's a caravanette. I ain't got a

phone.

So we're stranded, and it's cost us $16 to find out.

Hey, we'll have to phone your mum.

Oh, no way, Arthur. They've bailed me out enough times.

And you're supposed to be keeping me out of trouble, not dropping me in it. This

is down to us, Arthur.

Ray? What?

I'm hungry.

So that's it.

We're up the effluent billabong.

It's not looking great.

Your capacity for understatement is very irritating.

We are going to have to find some work.

Work?

Finish your toast.

I lost my appetite.

You might regret that in a few days' time.

What are you doing?

Get another cup of tea.

No way, Arthur. This is a tight budget.

I always have two teas with breakfast.

Look, if we're going to pay back the hotel and raise the cash for the air

tickets, we've got to watch every penny.

I've got $28 .45.

Turn out your pockets.

You're mine.

Come on.

Is

that

it?

You won't be needing these then, Arthur.

Why? Because there's nothing in the budget for cigars.

Okay, so it's not the Ritz. This is for students.

I can't stay here.

It's dirt cheap.

I'm not surprised.

In! In!

Of course, I wouldn't be able to discuss against business, you understand, but

you want my opinion.

Oh, we do.

He's into something big.

Very big.

Yeah?

Heavy tipper, too.

Of course, for a man like Mr. Daly, that'd be a small change.

Champagne in his suite every day, and French.

Nothing but the best for Mr. Daly.

Yeah. We'd like a booking for the night.

Singles or double?

A double, please.

He's my nephew.

Sure.

Nine dollars each.

No cooking in the room, vacate by nine in the morning, no pets.

If you let us have the key, I'd like to freshen up.

The rooms don't open till nine in the evening.

What are we supposed to do till then?

The reproduction process for the largest of all the marsupials is by far the

most fascinating.

The Red Kangaroo.

Big Red has a secret.

I'll keep in the lock -up rather than this. Well, you can't. This is the best

you're going to get.

I'm not a guest.

There's always a caterpillar in the salad.

I'm going to shoot out for a while. Look for a gel.

I'd better come with you. No, there's no need.

There'll be unsavory types about. If I don't watch my back, they'll be out with

a caution and away with me wallet.

It'll be sorely disappointing.

I don't know, Ray. When humanity sinks to its lowest.

I'll have the fillings out of your teeth. We stick together.

Safety in numbers.

who's got a city and guild in domestic science from the Wilsdon College of

Cookery and Catering. He can knock you out a Burff or Guignol quicker than you

can say Taratumalata. Isn't that right, Ray?

Yeah. Cooked burger before?

The view.

English, huh?

OK.

How much an hour?

Five. Ten.

Six. Eight.

Seven. Done.

Thing I have been.

That one.

Not exactly a comprehensive dossier, is it?

What he drinks, what he smokes.

How he likes his soul off the burn.

That's all we could get.

He's very elusive.

So it seems.

You'd better go and issue a polite invitation.

Leave it till this afternoon, though.

He's probably lunching at the yacht club.

Five burgers. Peter's docking it at me wages, you know. And the hot dog you

didn't finish.

I meant to talk to you about that.

It's a bit rubbery.

Perhaps you should leave them in a bit longer.

I'll bear it in mind.

What are you doing?

Keep it at you, mate.

What? A little pressure.

What are you doing?

Looking at how long it's going to take us to get out of this benighted country.

And? By my reckoning, 17 months.

You're going to have to get another job.

Hey, I've worked my fingers to the bone already, Arthur.

I'm completely knackered in case you hadn't noticed.

Hi, Maria, mate.

Yeah. Good evening, sir. Could I just take a minute of your time?

I've got the end of a line of stock my company's been selling, which I can let

you have really cheap.

Only five bucks.

Now, if you'd like to take a look. Excuse me, my dear.

Give up now.

Sorry? You're never going to shift that rubbish.

Aren't I?

You're making all the elementary errors.

What do you mean, rubbish?

Well, the quality is immaterial. It's your technique. You can whip out the

jewels and I still wouldn't buy it.

Why not?

One, never ask for a minute of my time.

It beggars the answer. No.

Two, never describe it as the end of a line. Makes me think it'd be out of

fashion before I got it home.

How should I describe it?

Well, if your gear's as iffy as I suspect, the less said the better.

Three, the word cheap.

A person's character is reflected in the price they pay for their accoutrements.

No one likes to be thought of as in the cheap category.

Oh, how do they like to be thought of?

Shrewd.

Tasteful.

High for a bargain.

This man annoying you, miss.

Can I take that for a minute?

And a bag.

Evening, gents.

Enjoyed your drink, can I help?

Yep. Fine, thanks. Just off home for the wife?

Worst luck.

Oh, well, I understand.

He's signed on himself for 35 years come spring. Do you know that guy?

Yeah, he's family.

Just when the conversation's flowing and the beer's going down nicely, a still,

small voice says in your ear, time to go home.

You said it. But for a modest investment, you could be sitting here

chugging out time, safe in the knowledge of a warm welcome when you return.

Take a seat.

No, we're on our way home. No, no, no, picture this, picture this.

It's 11 .30.

You've had an enjoyable session with the boys, you go up the driveway, key in

the door, what's your mistake?

Being weightless. Wrong.

In my experience, your alcohol content is neither here nor there.

Your problem is you're empty -handed.

Now, I happen to be market -testing a brand -new product which is all set to

the biggest seller of the coming year. And what is more, I can let you have it

for the factory price.

What is it? A very good question. This is a high -tech, auto -lighting,

miniature make -up kit cum vanity case with, um, oh, sporting a range of non

-run colours for every complexion.

Integral light for a little touch -up at the disco. All set in hard -wearing

effect case.

Fashioned in the French style.

How much?

Call me foolish. I'm not asking 20. I'm not asking 18.

You can have this for a paltry $15.

Well, of course, if you all decided to have one, I'd consider that a wholesale

deal, and I'd knock them out for $10 apiece.

What the hell? We'll all have one. We can have a drink.

You won't regret it, gentlemen.

There we are.

There we are.

And there we are.

Thank you very much. Thank you very much.

Nice to do business with you.

There you are, my dear.

I'm prepared to impart further education in the daily technique, but only in

return for the address of your supplier.

I can introduce you to him. You two should get out.

Peace, family.

Ray, I mean, I've got to buy the bloke a drink.

All right, but give me back what you don't spend.

All right, all right.

No worse than her indoors.

Arthur. How do you do?

And this is Ray. Hi, Ray. Nice one.

Oh, more the pom with the patter.

Rafa's bag's in here, mate, but the beer's cold. What'll he have? A vodka

tonic for me, and Ray'll have something light, won't you, Ray?

Ray? Ray.

Robin tells me you're in a bit of a spot. Life's been bowling you a few

googlies. Oh, a little hiccup in our affairs, isn't it?

Oh, we've all been there, Arthur.

I mean, I've put my hand to a lot of things in my time. Mind you, I've never

done anything unless there was a quid in it, and usually a very good quid. But

this bloody recession, mate, I mean, it's really hit people bad.

This bloody ratbag, boom -bust economy, it's really driving every...

Sorry, Arthur, that's just me.

Well, let's hope it leads to a fruitful relationship.

Your daughter tells me that you can lay your hands on assorted merchandise.

Yeah, I ain't got the odd box back at the unit. What I'm specially interested

is anything electronical.

I find a working man is a sucker for gadgets, especially when he's on the

outside of a few finds.

Yeah, I think I know the sort of stuff you're after.

What do you have then, kids?

Oh, can't have that, Dad. I'm taking Ray on a trip round the heart.

Ray? What about your hot dogs?

There's no cricket today, Arthur. I've got the afternoon off. Shouldn't you be

filling in with something temporary?

I'll give the lad a break, Arthur.

All work and no play, you know. Don't you be late for that bar job.

Blame him, you know. I mean, the pubs these days are bloody bedlam.

I mean, what sort of payout did you get on them for this?

Pokies? Oh, man, pretty good. You crack a jackpot with them, mate, it'll bury

you in brass up to your kneecaps. Really? Why don't you give it a go?

muck.

Yeah.

Andrew, love.

A schooner and a vodka tonic.

And I'll have 20 on Maria Martin

in the fifth of my nose.

Um... Maria Martin?

Arthur Daly. Very funny.

Here you go, Arthur.

Oh, Tom.

We, uh... We have a different system at Winchester.

I'll tell you what I got that might interest you, Arthur.

Solar -powered FM radios. Beautiful things with their own headphones, made

here in Gonzo.

What's wrong with them?

The solar power, Arthur. But you have to be pretty close to the bloody sun to

get them going, you know what I mean?

What is the pre -retail price of these astronaut specials? Ten bucks a piece.

Oh, um, miss, I gave you a $20 note. Not too bad, buddy.

I'll, um, I'll take two on trial.

Two? The thing's that bad.

No, no, no, no, no, but there's, um...

Product testing, market evaluation, promotional research. You've got to be

careful.

Had a bit of inside information, eh, Des? How's that, ma 'am?

Maria Martin in at 25 to 1.

Yep. Beauty.

Oh, look at this.

Woo -hoo!

How many of these radios do you say you've got?

100 % self -sufficient, ladies and gentlemen. No wires, no batteries, run

Mother Nature in the form of the sun. An inexhaustible power supply and ozone

-friendly to boot.

And how much are you asking for, mate?

$25 on my own worst enemy.

Every component is guaranteed 100 % Australian.

Can you hear me, sir? Excuse me. Hello?

Hello?

There you are, ladies and gentlemen.

The young man is completely engulfed in the music of Vivaldi, to the exclusion

of all other distracting noises.

Such is the power of Solarad.

Hello.

Amazing. It was like being there listening to a full orchestra.

The French horns, the piccolos.

I never knew you could get so much power out of a little box like that. I was

really engulfed. Don't overdo it.

I'll have one.

I'll have one too. There you are, ladies and gentlemen. Another satisfied

client. The perfect gift for the difficult relative.

There we are, madam. Thank you very much. There we are. $25 change, madam.

Thank you, sir. There we are.

Oh, that's amazing, ain't it?

Oh, that's big, all right.

When was it built?

I don't know.

What's that over there?

Not a mind of information, you, is ya?

Hey.

What are you taking me?

Your privilege.

I'm taking you to my favourite place.

Hey.

Yeah?

Falling asleep on me.

Sorry.

Just wouldn't believe what I've been through in the last few days.

There's an answer, isn't there?

There can't be two of them in Australia.

There you are, miles from anywhere, the football's nil -nil. Could go anybody's

way. With this little gadget, you will never miss a goal. You could be way in

the middle of the outback and still tune in to your own team's triumph.

$25, sir, and you never need worry about buying batteries again.

One for you, sir. Very wise.

There we are, sir.

$30, $5 change.

Thank you, sir. You won't regret it. Oh, right.

Great spot, isn't it?

Full of tourists.

Just the place for flogging my new line.

What's that?

That, Raymond, is a solar -powered... Frequently modulated, circulated,

integrated pocket radio.

With this in your possession, you can stay in constant touch with whatever

occupies your leisure or work time. Be it finance, sport, music... You're

Arthur, I'm not one of your punters. Yeah, sorry.

You just be careful you don't get nicked for trading without a licence.

Nah, petty regulations, Ray. I mean, what is democracy about if it's not

to supply and demand?

Your dad's just gone off to get me some more ammunition.

A couple more days like this, Ray, we'll be able to walk into the region with

our heads held high.

Oh, excuse me, sir. I'll be gone soon, you look.

Excuse me, sir. Can I interest you in a solar -powered, frequently modulated,

circulating, integrated pocket radio?

Why don't we just post them the money? No way, I want me clothes better. Come

on. Look, look, look. Go in quietly. Try and avoid any embarrassment.

Good morning, Mr. Daly.

G'day, Mr. Daly.

Daly?

Good day, Mr. Daly. How are you going?

Hello, Mr. Daly.

Hello, Mr. Daly.

Morning, Mr. Daly.

Ray, this is carnage.

Good day, Mr. Daly. Mr. Daly. Would you like the bill, please?

Mr. Daly's account, please.

Did you have a good trip?

Yeah, yeah.

Very good.

Thank you.

There we are.

How will you be paying?

Ah... That is something I'll have to discuss in my kitchen.

That bill was the biggest load of fiction since Gone With The Wind.

I know for a fact I never ordered an outback picnic.

I don't eat boiled eggs.

And I certainly haven't watched any adult videos.

Yeah, don't look at me.

I can't believe they didn't know we'd gone.

They must have thought we was on safari at Ayers Rock or something. They still

think we're away.

I'm being charged for a luxury suite with harbour view and room service while

I'm living on kangaroo kebabs and bunking down with hippies and

every night.

It's not looking good.

Look, I've told you before about this understate. Listen, I'm late for my

You'd better not go back past the hotel. We can't show our face here till we're

paid. I'll catch you later.

All right.

Right. Right.

Oh, my God. Mr. Daly, I wonder whether you'd be free for a meeting with Mr.

Reed.

Sugar.

Mr. Daily.

Arthur Daily.

I don't have a sweet tooth myself.

Arthur, eh?

Nice touch. Very quaint.

Still too late now.

Dammit.

Lamington.

What do you mean, too late?

We both tried to get our hands on the porch and we both missed out.

We have a lot in common.

Ah, but you trod the path of subterfuge, Mr. Reid, not me.

I've got ancestral roots in the outback.

The dailies have been here ever since great -uncle Josh spotted the chance of

earner in the gold rush and packed his pick and shovel.

You know, you really are very good at it.

If only we'd been partners before.

Before what?

Before now.

We're just what I need in England.

Someone with money, contacts.

Someone who can handle my kind of... merchandise well i do have an awesome

reputation for my europe -wide network yes what um what sort of merchandise do

you have in mind you really have to ask

hi

you might be cooling down

It's crazy, and I must have cooked a thousand head of cattle just to pay the

rent.

If we had more room, you could move in with us.

That's a nice thought.

We still on for the night?

If you can stay awake.

What's your dad and Arthur doing?

Don't know.

Arthur hasn't come back yet.

When exactly would you deliver this merchandise?

It'll be a personal collection, of course. Don't want to take unnecessary

Oh, absolutely. That's the way we do it at home.

Then it could be some of my associates.

Stop a few yarns, perhaps.

They mostly speak pretty good English.

I look forward to that with anticipation.

Ross will drop you back at your hotel.

It's a reason, isn't it?

Ray, let me in.

Ray, where you been?

Ray, we have got to get out of Australia.

Cheers, Arthur. I would have never known that. No, no, no. You don't understand.

What are you cooking there, then?

Koala fat.

You couldn't stop eating them yesterday.

I've had afternoon tea.

With what?

With sandwiches.

No, no, no, no. I haven't spent anything.

You haven't been down a Salvation Army, have you? No, I have not.

No. Thanks to you abandoning your sworn duty as a minder for a career in the

salmonella industry, I have been well and truly hijacked. Who by?

That Mr. Reed.

Salvation is not the word that springs to mind, Ray.

I'm doomed.

So he picked you up, took you to his mansion, gave you tea and sandwiches.

Yeah, little coconut cakes called lemon.

Yeah, all right, Arthur. Then he offered you a partnership and drove you back to

the... Ray, please don't remind me of it.

Maybe it's his way of apologising to you, Arthur.

You know, for all the trouble he's caused you, mate.

I don't think you realise the enormity, Derek.

This man is the Al Capone of the cream tea, and he thinks I'm the UK

If he has his way, I'll be going through customs carrying more chemicals than I

see I.

Well, there's only one thing for it. You need to get out of Australia, mate.

Look, what we need is something we can sell for bigger money. We can pay for

hotel with a radio and hamburgers, but there's still the air tickets.

Well, I do have a box of more expensive gadgets. They're personal organisers.

200 bucks a throw, but they're beautiful little things and they work perfectly.

But you haven't sold them. But they're not hot, are they? Ray, Ray, it's a very

warm country.

Sale or return, Derek?

Anything like Hyde Park in London?

Yeah, you could say that.

Trees, grass, full of winos.

I've always wanted to visit England. I'm planning to as soon as I can. Yeah?

When you do, you know you can stay in my place.

Do you have a girl back in England?

I don't mind.

No, no, it's a good question. I'm just not really sure.

Well, if you're not really sure, that usually means you're short.

Does it?

That's all.

I'm gonna cook you now.

Deeds. Deeds. Arthur, don't... No bugger in Australia is called Derek.

Yes. Being out here has been good for me.

It gives man a sense of perspective.

I mean, here I am on the other side of the world, and yet...

How can I put it?

What am I trying to say is man is a pioneer.

Buffeted by the winds of fate.

Very well put, Arthur.

Buffeted.

Me and Ray come to this fly -flung corner of the Commonwealth.

Well, let's face it, they couldn't have flung it much further, could they?

And we haven't sat back. Things have become a bit grim.

Grim, yes, sir. But with hard work and inspiration, we will

win.

True. That is what I mean by a pioneer, Derek. It is.

Arthur.

Arthur.

What is this, Arthur?

What is that? Do you think... Go on.

Pioneer.

Right, Dizzy, get the food off your face, take the two -pot screamer and get

yourselves home.

Well, Arthur, we shall leave this place and go to a bar around the corner

where they don't mind a couple of pioneers having a drink and a laugh.

Pioneer!

Get off the road, you bloody old woman!

Yeah, I think the copper's... It's all gone.

Of course he's got a gun, Arthur. You can't expect them to stop bank robbers

pulling out their personality, can you?

Having some sort of problem, pal?

Problem? Yes, well, the problem was you driving like a cocky in a cage. I was

unable to... I have reason to believe you've been drinking this afternoon,

He has reason to believe.

We've been ten out of ten, Sherlock.

Step out of the car, please, gentlemen.

Yes, of course.

Ray.

Ray, it's me. Open up.

Nick.

Where have you been?

We're in crisis, Ray.

The police know where I am.

Derek and me got pulled by the old bill.

What you been up to now? Look, if you've got any questions, put them in writing.

I ain't got time.

The police know where we are. We've got to get out of Australia.

We've been through that. We can't. Why not?

The hotel.

We haven't paid the bill, remember? The police will be waiting at the check -in.

They won't have to. They know we're here.

What you doing?

What does it look like?

Another runner.

Arthur! Time to get up.

Arthur, time to get up.

All right, dear.

You're supposed to be out already. Derek's waiting for you.

Where's Derek?

Oh, oh, dead. Yeah.

What happened?

If you don't know, don't ask.

I just hope you're in a fit state to earn some real cash.

Consider it done right.

What's that expression there, have you?

No worries.

Not a nibble. We did all our best pitches and they just don't want to

Well, I hate to say this, Arthur, but you know this theory of yours about

studying the punter's psychology?

It has never been known to fail.

Well, I think you may have misread the Australian character, mate.

In what way?

The average Sydney fighter doesn't like organisation.

You know, everything in its place and all that.

He likes a bit of chaos.

A bit of... Devil may care, take me as I am. I may be sweaty, but my undies are

clean. You know what I mean? We're frontiersmen, Arthur.

I mean, you can't carve a city like Sydney out of the book and be worrying

your mother -in -law's birthday at the same time.

Why did you not make these thoughts known at the time of purchase?

Well, you're on a roll, mate, and I thought it best just to let you keep

So, in your assessment, I am holding stock.

that will be about as popular as a nut cutlet at a cannibal's feast.

Well, I don't want to put too fine a point to it, Arthur. They're not moving,

are they?

I think there's only one thing for it. The rice -lip rush.

It's a sales technique very much in vogue during the war. A lot of American

airmen in the area, they called it the hard sell.

Watch.

Top of the morning to you, Squire?

Please don't take this amiss, but would I be right in thinking you are a man who

takes great pride in his appearance?

I guess so.

And who likes to be organised.

Likes everything handy, ready when wanted.

I like to be methodical, yes.

Methodical, that's a good word. Like organised.

I have something here that could affect a mini -revolution in your life.

Gone are all those losable address books with names and numbers, or even worse,

little bits of paper with numbers and no names. Have you ever done that?

Preys on your mind for days. You ring it up, it's the butcher. You haven't paid

your bill. You wish you'd never called.

I've seen them before.

Oh, so you'll be familiar with the quality.

The Rolls Royce of chip technology.

They're top quality, all right.

200 of them were stolen from a warehouse on Jenkins Street a month ago.

We've been keeping an eye on you.

I'm Sergeant Davis of the New South Wales Police Department.

And you're under arrest.

Let's get this straight.

You thought you were due to inherit a fortune, so you get a one -way ticket

here, the deal falls through, and suddenly you're up the creek without a

That's the gist of it. Then you turn your hand to selling stolen goods.

Objection. I was not aware that these goods were not bona fide.

Tell it to the bench, Mr. Daly. I'm being pilloried here for doing a decent

thing. Instead of throwing myself at the mercy of the state, as any lesser man

might have done, I used my innate abilities and created my own little

mean, what's reprehensible about that?

It's against the law.

Then the law is an ass.

for discouraging self -sufficiency.

You've been trading without a licence, you've only got a tourist visa and

received stolen goods.

And more importantly, you've become involved with someone we've now got

day and night observation.

Oh, come on, that's a bit much. I mean, Derek was only just over the limit.

I'm referring to a certain Mr Reid.

I expect he's been delayed.

You're on the hotel?

Yes. What did they say?

Apparently he's in and out.

I'll have the boys go and collect him.

You wouldn't want him to get lost.

Why ask that? We've got enough of the hotel now.

The ticket's home.

Yes, the ticket.

Look, you know how you say I'm not a mind of information?

You make up for it in other ways.

Well, there's something I could have told you before, but I didn't.

Have you ever heard of international air careers?

Mr Daly, you're something of a headache for me.

You're an extremely little fish caught in a net trawling for shark.

Now that net's going to close soon and you'd best be out of it.

Getting you convicted of these offences is going to take a lot of time and

paperwork.

And quite frankly, I'm not sure I want to waste my energies.

I'm glad you've seen reason. Sit down.

There are two things in your favour.

One, we've managed to track down Billy McCabe in Darwin and he confirms your

story. The other is that we don't want your kind of people in our fair city.

You mean my kind of people? How dare you? We were here first.

Provided you're out of Australia in 48 hours, I consider the matter closed. And

since you're not being charged, I'll see you taken back to your hotel.

Oh, God.

Daly's a grass.

Roth threw him with the police not five minutes ago.

I'll deal with him.

This meeting's over.

I think I managed to lose them.

But I can't take much more of this.

Neither can I, Arthur. Can't you ever stay out of trouble?

I have stayed out of it.

I'm not in prison.

I'm not taking delivery of illicit substances.

And I'm not taking tea with Mr Reid's social set, talking about the good old

days in sunny Palermo.

Look, all you have to do is get me out of Australia within the next 48 hours.

Is that so much to ask?

Well, leave it to Robin and me.

OK, keep Johnson on his tail.

When he goes to ground, grab him. And don't take no for an answer.

How come you know about it?

Oh, I just knew.

We actually have a pool of people we use. And we're booked up pretty solidly.

Then for urgent short notice flights, we use people off our long -term waiting

list. Whoever's available, free to travel.

If you're not on the list.

Well, thanks anyway.

Come on.

Try Colin.

What? Your long -term wait list. Try Collins, R...

Fine.

You're high on the list.

Free to travel first thing tomorrow?

Sure. Have you got two places?

Always doing my best for a pretty girl.

Who's a London?

I'll need to see your passport.

You'll be met by one of our people at Heathrow, OK?

OK. You'll need to change the names. Daily A and Daily R.

Oh, congratulations.

I'm not Colin. Oh.

OK, well, of course, I'll have to put your name back on the bottom of the

No, Robin, wait a minute. Yeah, that's right, if you would. Collins R Miss.

You can't do this.

I just did.

Search him. Might be wise.

That is not a bug.

That is a securely modulated solar frequency. Nothing but a cheap radio.

Exactly.

I misjudged you.

I thought you were one of us.

If you want to stay alive, you'd better tell us exactly who you really are.

Arthur Daly, British citizen and international entrepreneur.

Ray. What's the matter?

It just feels like you've gone already.

This time tomorrow you'll be on the other side of the world.

I just wanted to say... You know.

Hannah.

Me too.

I suppose I'd rather have you safe in England than in trouble here.

I'll never forget what you did.

Arthur, what did he do to you?

Well, he didn't give me another cup of tea and a sandwich.

Gave me 24 hours to get out of Australia if I don't want my legs broken.

Well, at least he didn't take me back to the hotel.

It wouldn't have mattered if he had. Why not?

I've paid.

What do I do with this? Put it on your lap and don't let it out your side.

Boarding pass, you're boarding through gate 21.

21, yeah? Thank you. Sweet.

Gate 21. Final call for abandoned passengers with Air India on AI -101.

Please get to gate 29.

Well, Arthur, mate, it was some adventure, but I wouldn't have missed it

quid. No, it's been an education, Derek.

Certainly not as advertised in the Sunday glosses back home.

I, uh, got a little something for you to remember us by. Oh, you shouldn't have.

Oh. Just what I'd have chosen myself.

No.

I'm going to miss you, Raymond Daly.

Me too.

How soon do the drinks come round, Ray?

I'm gasping for a VAT.

We can't afford any, Arthur. We're skint.

Yeah, but I mean, it's one long happy hour up here, isn't it? Three booze, as

much as you like.

Not anything, it's not. Soft drinks only.

What? You know, I've got to sit strapped in here for the next 24 hours trying to

get oblivious on pineapple juice.

It'll make the first one at the Winchester taste all the nicer.

Oh, my God, the Winchester.

What did you say to Dave when you phoned?

Not much. He said he could forget about the welcome home party.

Shows we think alike as a family, Ray.

Because that is exactly what her indoors said to me.