Original subtitles

I told you I wouldn't let you down. I know, but being Association Secretary is

no bad over all this.

So much to think of, so much to organise.

It must be tough at the top, Mel.

Yes, Ray, indeed it is.

Arthur, could I have a quiet, discreet word with you?

Yes, certainly, Mel. Right, if you can find our table and a large bunker.

Right.

No problem.

Immediately after dinner, I introduce Billy Mortimer. Then when he's finished

entertaining us, I draw the raffle.

Yes. Now that's what I want to speak to you about. Billy Mortimer's going to win

the raffle.

I didn't know you were a clairvoyant. No.

Now that's Billy's winning ticket. That's the one I want you to draw out of

handle. A bank raffle?

Isn't that the secret?

Look, Arthur, that's the only way you get someone like Billy Mortimer to be

guest speaker.

Has he got a thing about winning raffles?

He's got a thing about not paying tax.

If he wins a raffle, that £500 prize, if it goes through the books, he'll be

looking to collect a grand.

Well, I'm all for people having a poverty and land revenue, but it is

irregular. Don't worry, Arthur, it's all above board. It was agreed by the

committee. Well, all right.

you've driven the car over a ploughed field and into the river, you've got

another thing coming.

Quite right, sir.

Bloody change.

It's nice to see Arthur relaxing, Raymond.

It's good for him to forget about work for a few hours.

Arthur! Good to see you, Charlie. Where's Miss McDavid?

I was bound that you couldn't come. Allergic to heights. To heights, Arthur?

We're on the second floor.

Listen, I've got that capri you wanted.

I can let you have it for 500 off this price. Right, done, Arthur. I'll collect

it tomorrow.

Sid, just a man.

How do you feel about a gross of clipping car ashtrays that play

your eyes?

No, Arthur.

But I am in desperate need of 50 kookaroos.

Kookaroos?

That's what I like about Arthur Daly.

All you men is, all you want to talk about is business.

We get things for fun.

The bank manager's holding it as collateral.

How many raffle tickets are you going to buy?

These are.

All I want are the kookaroos. I'm not buying anything else tonight.

But I do know of a man who's telling.

I think you might be interested.

You still thinking of updating your dealer?

Yes, sure I am. Ever heard of good time motors?

Good job.

Oh, hello, Arthur.

Dave, can you do me a favor?

Yeah, I want you to ring a bloke called Tony.

Oh, he's given away a Daimler at a lunatic price and I want to be first in.

Well, the thing is, I don't have a phone number and Director Inquiry seem to be

on an extended tea break.

But I'm in the middle of a business meeting.

It's very awkward for me to stop my detailed negotiations.

Tough, tough.

Well, keep trying till you get the number and then give this Tony a bell.

Good time, motors.

Tony! Good time motors.

That's right, Arthur. I've got that. Yeah, you can leave it with me.

Arthur?

Oh, Billy Mortimer.

I'm Arthur Daly. I'm introducing you after dinner.

I'm looking forward to your sick as a carrot over the moon, body in the box,

football's a game of two sides routine.

Yeah, well, I leave that to gather any other.

Jack, may I have a word with you about the raffle?

No problem, no problem. All under control.

You've got a nice little number going here, haven't you, with this after

speaking caper? Damn slightly easier than getting clogged all over the park

psychopathic defendants. Yeah, yeah, I suppose it is.

Quite a pleasant form of remuneration.

Time for dinner, is it, Ray? You've already missed the first course, and we

the raffle lady £20. All right, mate.

And I'm sure you will all join with me in hoping...

that Captain Charisma, a number 10, comes to the aid of our beleaguered

profession. What this country needs is less schools and hospitals and more

filling stations.

This government must launch a four -pronged attack to come to the help of

motor trade.

One, reduce...

buses and trains.

Two, increase fares.

Three, put down a few more thousand miles of tarmac in the countryside.

He said Waterloo Arches.

You've got a feeling for this car, eh, chap? I certainly have.

One -year -old Daimler, 20 grand, it's got to be a snip.

I'll be meaning to get a new model for some time.

We'll keep on looking, then.

Later.

Willie, this is an unrepeatable offer. My French supplier, fully cognizant of

the approaching Chinese New Year, has slipped me three groceries, little

beauties. I can let you have a quantity discount that will make your mouth

water.

Papa, Arthur said he knew a French businessman.

This is the new year of the dragon.

This French man sold a lot of cheap goods to Arthur.

Now he can reduce it to very cheap, very low for you.

My father says fine, but what exactly is it you want to sell him?

Raymond, if you'd be so good.

Guaranteed to brighten any Oriental gathering.

You need to park the car. Right, where are we going?

We are not going anywhere. I'm going to see a man about a dog. I'll see you back

here in an hour.

You didn't think you'd forgotten about picking me up?

Right.

Let's go and search that damer, okay?

How was the dog, then?

What dog?

The dog you went to see the mayor about.

Oh, yeah. Fine, fine.

Keep your eyes on the road, Ray.

This Tony's like the Scarlet... What's his name? Everywhere and nowhere.

Dave says there isn't a phone number listed.

Do you want to try further down?

No, no, we'll come back later.

This place is like a warren.

Hello there.

Hi, Sid.

Arthur about?

Yeah, I'll keep you a moment.

What are you creeping up on me like that for?

Sit outside, will you?

Sid, I've put word out about the cuckoo roots. I'll show you something soon. Not

the cuckoo roots I want to talk to you about, Arthur. Take a look at this.

What are you looking for, a new car, then?

Don't be silly, Arthur.

I've got 80 of these in the showroom.

What I want, and need, is a new lamp post.

Lamp post? Yes.

Lamp post.

To replace the one I demolished after the annual dinner.

Reversed back into it, see?

I do see. I hate to think what the lamp post looks like.

Well, with my luck, I couldn't hit a modern, ordinary one. I had to pick one

with a preservation order on it.

If I don't get a replacement, the council's going to do me.

What did you come to me for?

What you want is a builder's yard.

Not on this one, Arthur.

Victoriana.

Fluted with an octagonal head.

You're always getting...

Strange items coming your way.

Well, I'll keep my eyes open. How much are we prepared to pay?

Money's no object.

I can't cope with a court case. Not in our line of business.

Well, lampposts aren't usually my forte, but that phrase, money no object, will

doubtless concentrate the mind.

I'll see what I can do.

Here, Arthur. I don't want money in these havens of Chinatown. Why don't you

have an early night?

Early night? What can I do with an early night?

Well, you haven't exactly been yourself today, have you? Slipping off to see men

about dogs, and I thought you was having a fit in the office.

The moral of that story, my son, is always not before entering.

I'm right as rain.

I'll drop these bulbs off, and then I'll probably see you back at the week or

so.

Can I do anything here?

Yes, my dear.

Good evening, sir. We're police officers.

So what's going on? What's happening?

You're under arrest.

What for?

Touching a lamppost?

You're under arrest for assaulting a police officer and contravening the

offender.

Why are they taking my tie and braces away?

Well, in case you try to top yourself.

How thoughtful.

How long do they keep us in here?

It varies.

I'm in for upwiring cars, but they'll bow me in a little while.

You're being a bit indiscreet, aren't you?

Not much choice.

They caught me with my head underneath the dashboard.

I tried to give them some fanny line, but I was dizzy. I had nowhere to sleep.

was resting for a while.

What was their response?

Said I'd be more comfortable in here.

What are these others in here for?

That one over there doing the press conference. He tried to do a runner from

restaurant. The others, they're all into being drunk and disordered. They'll be

out soon.

But you could be here quite a while.

Why? Oh, come on. You're not exactly running the mill, are you? No, I

am not.

I've got an international organisation, branches throughout Europe.

Oh, they've taken my business card. Yeah, I knew it. I told you, I told you.

said, when we see him in reception, I said, now that... He's an international

embezzler, if ever I have seen one. I am not an embezzler. Of course not,

Governor. Don't worry, I'm not a plumber.

I'm highly respected in my community.

Naturally. That would be all part of the front.

Yes.

You're first to visualize.

I most certainly am.

Right.

Let's have the curve crawler.

We've attempted to check the address she gave us.

There was no one there.

No, there wouldn't be. Her endorse is out visiting.

What, this time of night?

She's staying with her sister in Cromer.

Case of while the cat's away, sir.

Looks like it, Dickie. Cat? Cat?

I haven't got a cat.

Just tropical fish.

We've caught ourselves a comedian.

Let's talk about these.

It's a red light bulb.

Nothing unusual about that.

What's unusual, Mr Daly, is that we discovered getting on for three gross of

these in your car.

Run a chain of dark rooms, do we, sir? There's a perfectly simple explanation

for the light bulbs. And what is more, you'll find a receipt in my wallet.

We already have. A French receipt.

Well, of course.

They're French light bulbs.

I'll see you later then, Dave.

Where's Mr. Clout?

Oh, yeah, he is.

Right!

Arthur Daly, you are charged that in Barrington Street, SE1, you did assault

William Collins, a constable of the Metropolitan Police, in the execution of

duty, contrary to Section 51 of the Police Act of 1964.

You are further charged that in Barrington Street, you did solicit a

the purposes of prostitution.

Contrary to Section 2 of the Sexual Offenses Act 1985.

Do not apply to say anything.

About anything you do say will be taken down and may be used as evidence at your

trial.

I'd like you to check these, please, Mr. Daly.

And then sign your seat.

We're going to hold on to the light bulbs, Daly, while further inquiries are

being made.

Don't say hello, Ray.

If you do, they'll be taken down and used as evidence against you. Come on,

me to Samadhi.

What's he done?

I'll tell you later.

He kept going on about them red light bulbs.

I explained to him I was on my way to deliver them to a customer in Chinatown.

I only got out of the car to check a lamp out. Check a lamp out?

Sid's looking for one.

Fluid Victorian with octagonal head.

Precisely. I thought I saw one, so I got out of the car to check it. Next thing

I know, I'm being mugged. At least I thought I was being mugged.

Who by?

Well, it turned out to be two plainclothes melons. I've been charged,

He fell over me foot and I get done for assault.

Done me more damage than it did him.

And there was a business of the girl.

You mentioned free charges, Arthur. Yeah, something about curb crawling.

I wasn't even in the car.

I just had a long conversation with the Crown Prosecution Service.

See, Ray, that is the advantage of having a good legal man in your corner.

obliged to you, Mr. Daly.

So what, it's all cleared up, is it? I'll get a formal apology?

Not quite. They're proceeding with the three charges against you. Case will

up at the earliest possible date.

You seem to be taking a very sanguine view of this.

Oh, I try not to become emotionally involved in my clients' problems.

Just financially involved, is it?

Raymond, really?

Sorry about that, Mr Lockwood.

But the lad blames himself for what happened.

Well, if he'd let me take the lightbulbs after, this wouldn't have happened.

Yeah, I do blame myself.

I take a very serious view of your alleged assault of the police officer.

Assault? He fell over me foot.

He sustained facial injuries, including three broken teeth.

Yeah, but I didn't hit him. The ground did. I thought he was after me wallet.

was in me hand at the time.

Yes, indeed.

While you were allegedly negotiating with a convicted prostitute.

I was trying to find a local motor dealer.

Well,

it's an unusual defence if you could actually find him, I grant you that.

The police solicitor advises me that prior to your arrest, there were

sightings of a man driving a Daimler very slowly in the area.

That was me.

And me. We were looking for good time motors.

Yes, as your statement says.

Be useful for your defence if you could actually find the proprietor.

Raymond, my son, I've struck gold.

Badly sprained Achilles tendon.

No weight on the foot for two to three weeks.

Just now, is that good news?

Well, never mind me assaulting the police. This is what they done to me.

You heard what Lachman said.

Be good for my defence.

These are the actions of a guilty man, Arthur. No, Raymond. These are the

actions of a man who does not like being fitted up.

Just think of the sympathy this will get me in court.

The best part of it is it doesn't even hurt very much.

I'll get you to push me to the car just for the show and then we'll bung the

wheelchair in the middle of the car until I have to go to court.

Mr Morley!

What brings you to hospital?

More to the point, what are you doing in that wheelchair?

Start.

Start.

I've got to hurry back to the niche.

You've got a couple of visitors.

Sorry.

Bye -bye, Mr Morley.

You realise what this means, right?

Every time I want to go out, I've got to get in this thing.

You've charged him with what?

He's guilty.

Really, Tomo?

Curb crawling?

Robbery? Possibly.

Theft or receiving?

Likely. Cheating or conniving?

Certainly. But curb crawling?

And assaulting a police officer?

He's going to walk all over you in the court, I know.

Sharp, is he?

You could shave with him.

He didn't look so sharp the other night when we pulled him in.

Make a voluntary statement, did he?

No. What did he say when you officially charged him?

Not a dickie.

You got the wrong man, chum.

Well, if we can't get any help from his local manor, we'll have to use our

initiative, won't we? Looks like it. That Morley. What about him?

That was a Hendon with him thick as two short planks. That's a frightening way

to sergeant, then. That'll be a typing error.

Do you know something?

I was at Hendon with that Comkins.

Really? Yeah.

The night before finals, I caught him trying to copy up all my notes.

That way you wouldn't help him with his case against Daly.

Look, Phil, nothing will give me greater pleasure than helping to get Daly

banged up.

But I would like it to be for something he's actually done.

Yeah. I must admit, the idea of Arthur Daly opening his wallet and offering

money to anyone seems unlikely.

The day that happens, there'll be pigs flying all over this manor.

You are a top drawer villain, aren't you?

You're one of them who don't get no ID parade.

I keep telling you I'm not a villain.

Then why are you talking outside of your mouth?

This is fraught with risk, you know, Mr. Daly. I'm sure you're willing to do

this. Mr. Lockwood, we are about to blow their case right out of order.

Right, gentlemen.

Be so kind as to stand in line over there.

You can take any position you like, Mr. Daly.

Oh, it's Mr. Daly today, is it? Make a note of that, Ray, will you?

Intimidation. Look, I'm a busy man, so let's get on with it.

You'd love that, wouldn't you?

Mr. Lockwood, will you point out to them that they are all in shirt sleeves and

I'm in my overcoat in a wheelchair?

I'm afraid we're out of overcoats and wheelchairs at the moment.

Give us a hand, Ray.

Yeah,

hold on.

Do you mind going there?

Now, Miss Brown, I want you to take as long as you like. Is there anyone here

amongst these men that you recognize?

who accosted me and asked me if I wanted a good time in his motor.

How dare you, madam?

I asked you if you knew where I could find good time motors.

It's not looking good, you know. It's not looking good at all.

Not looking good? Are you seriously suggesting I go around shacking up

of the Derby and Jones Club?

I've got a business appointment.

I hear the committee set up an emergency meeting.

Well, what's Arthur's arrest got to do with the motor trade association?

You've got to consider the implications, John Boyd. Indeed.

This could lead to his expulsion, you know. I've never known Arthur behave in

any way other than completely correctly.

He always doffs his hat when he sees me. Doffing hats is one thing. Sexual

offences is quite another.

You're right there, Mel.

Sex and the motor trade don't mix.

Bad image.

Sex and Arthur Daly don't mix either.

You've never seen him with other women.

You shouldn't jump to conclusions.

Well, I don't know. Maybe he's having his midlife crisis.

Yeah, well, as far as I'm concerned, Arthur Daly is innocent until he tells

he is guilty.

I dare, but you're not the judge, are you?

I am here, mate.

You're barred. Go on, sling your look.

Arthur! I think you need to see a doctor. Better still, a psychiatrist.

And you're going to have to get a medical report for the call.

You're quite right, Ray, but you've forgotten I've already got one. I'm not

talking about your leg. Up here, Arthur. Up here.

What are you going on about?

Arthur, you think I... Will you?

Come on in. I can't stop now, Arthur. Just dropped by to tell you not to

with the cooker hoods and the lamppost. I've made other arrangements.

Oh, that's a pity, because I've found a likely source for the cooker hoods.

Come on in, anyway. I want to talk to you about giving evidence for me in

I suppose you heard what happened.

Yes, as a matter of fact, I have.

I want you to go in the witness box and tell them why I was in the Waterloo area

that night. How you tipped me off about the Daimler.

I can't do that, Arthur.

But that's why I got out of the car.

I thought I saw what you were after.

I wasn't after anything in Waterloo. Yes, you were.

Victorian flutes, octagonal panels. You've got to keep me out of this,

This will ruin my business.

I can't help you. I'm sorry.

Hey.

You're going to need some professional help, Arthur. They can put you away for

this, you know.

Well, as long as they do it before Ernie Dawes comes back from Cromer.

Bring the chair in.

Yeah, all right then, but just a half.

Mr Lockwood, is there anything I can do for you, sir? Yes, there is.

My client, Arthur Daly, would like you to give evidence on his behalf.

Mr Lockwood, would you kindly tell your client to get nothing?

He thought that might be all he'd want.

It's a subpoena directing you to attend the trial of Arthur Daly.

You've got to hand it to him, sir. He's got more front than woolworth.

And there's one for you.

Ray, he's locked up and gone out.

Not to worry.

No, Dave.

He's locked himself in. Been refusing to come out all day. He's finally twigged

that he can actually go down for this one.

Come on.

A -E -I -O -U.

A -E -I -O -U. See what I mean, Dave?

You're right, Ray.

I think he is on a turn.

A -E -I -O -U.

Arthur!

Got a nice little surprise for you. Thought you might like some meals on

Oh, Dave.

You're a good friend.

Young Raymond thinks I'm on the turn. He's been trying to get me committed.

Well, tell him about your little trips up the West End then, Arthur. My trips

the West End are nobody's business but mine. Please remember that. Did he tell

you about Sid?

Yeah. After all the gear I put his way?

Judas. Don't worry about Sid, Arthur.

He ain't worth it.

I'll tell you straight, Dave. I can't go into the Winchester.

I bet the saloon bar jury is already calling for me to be undrawn and

quartered. Not at all, Arthur.

Oh, Tom.

Tell him, Dave.

Tell me. Tell me what?

Well, it's a little surprise we've arranged for you. The night after your

finishes. It's a gesture of solidarity, Arthur.

Well, everyone on the manor's going to be there.

Beware. Taj Mahal.

Well, he does a lovely Bindaloo.

Well, all of them.

All of them. Oh, I'm touched, Dave.

I'm deeply touched.

You've given me new hope in humanity.

Ah, it's nothing, Arthur.

They said they'd give me the deposit back if you get sent down.

Yes.

Mr. Daly, let me appeal to you. Even at this eleventh hour, even though your

trial is tomorrow, I'm sure I could find you an excellent barrister.

Mr. Lockwood, I am not going to go down just because some overpaid mouthpiece

made a pig's ear of it. I shall defend myself.

Any luck in locating the proprietor of Good Time Motors?

We're having one last try.

Well, medical reports, statements, I think we're as ready as we can be. Oh.

No, there is one rather delicate matter I think we should discuss.

Raymond mentioned to me these... How shall I put it? These little tips

of yours to the west end.

Let me urge you to plead guilty and throw yourself on the mercy of the

Overwork, strain, stress, that sort of thing.

Stress? I don't want to hear another word about my trips up west. My right to

privacy is being violated, and Raymond is well out of order.

Mr Morley, whatever else you might be, in my experience, I've never thought

you were being bent.

Hear that, Phil?

A testimonial. You wouldn't want to see an innocent man suffer, would you?

Not normally, no, but in your case, I'm tempted to make an exception.

I'd just like to run over the areas I should be questioning you about in court

tomorrow. Perhaps your young friend could take notes.

Apart from you, Daly, I don't want to run over anything.

The only reason we're going into that witness box tomorrow is because we have

option.

In that case, I have no alternative but to ask the court to treat you both as

hostile witnesses.

Bloody silly Daly, you can't treat your own witnesses as hostile.

And don't worry, we will be.

I hope they've got a wheelchair and I haven't a forward -opening prison.

If I began here, I'd have put a sex case in over, Nick.

I am a victim of unfortunate circumstances.

I am not a sex case.

If you're not, what are all those little trips up west for, then? I don't know

what you're talking about. Just leave me at the court that is dealing with

Regina versus Daly.

Right, then.

I'll have one last crack at finding that Tony.

We're in this one.

Regina versus Daly. It should come to this.

Me taking on her in Buckhouse.

14th at 9 .30pm while I and other officers were parked in an unmarked car,

the accused driving very slowly towards us. I had previously observed him

passing the same area twice between 9 and 9 .30pm.

Can I help you?

Sorry, mate. For a minute, I thought you were somebody else.

Looking for a car dealer called Tony.

Must have a business around here somewhere called Good Time Motors.

I'm Tony, and this is Good Time Motors.

So why does it say Simpson Antiques outside?

Previous owner, mate.

I never got around to changing the sign.

Now, what can I do for you?

And you have been unable to trace this so -called good time motor from where he

claimed he wanted to buy a car?

No, ma 'am. A good time motor?

Yes, sir.

That's with two O's, Your Worship.

I'm obliged, Mr. Daly.

What, if anything, did you find in the accused's car?

A half -box of cigars and three groves of French red light bulbs.

Did you say French red light bulbs?

Yes, sir.

Sixty watts, Your Worship. Soit en croix.

Thank you, Mr. Daly.

Was it very entirely relevant to the issues before this court? It was very

relevant to my customer.

Excellent, excellent. Well done, Raymond.

I take it you're willing to give evidence on behalf of Mr. Davis?

It'll be a pleasure, Squire. Good. If you'll be kind enough to wait here.

Hey, Tom, your father comes looking. Tell him I'll be back.

Yes, red light bulbs are the normal means of illumination in brothels and

of ill repute.

Oh, nice one, nice one.

Something else you wish to add, Mr. Daly?

In the fullness of time, Your Worship, in the fullness of time.

And you found how many in his car, officer?

Just under three gross, sir.

All French?

Yes, sir.

And French mistress, second floor, two rings.

A French mistress, you say?

Yes, sir.

Forty -five minutes later, the accused emerged.

He stopped to fasten his tie and put on his overcoat.

From subsequent inquiries, were you able to ascertain the occupations of these

women? I have three finished questions.

This is character assassination.

What have my activities in Soho got to do with my arrest in Waterloo?

Unless I'm mistaken, Mr. Daly, the prosecution are attempting to establish

pattern of behavior.

And what is the occupation of these women?

They're all unemployed, sir.

They all have convictions for soliciting, sir.

That is the case for the prosecution, sir.

And on this occasion, what was it exactly that I told you?

He says you've sold him free growth of French red light bulbs, and that if he

doesn't get them pretty damn quick, there'll be no good for Chinese New Year

celebrations.

How much longer am I going to be kept waiting here?

I've got work piling up on my desk. I should be out catching criminals, not

testifying on behalf of one.

Mr Harris, please.

Now,

Mr Harris, would you please tell the court how many times you attempted

to ring directory inquiries in order to ascertain the phone number of the

proprietor of Good Time Motors?

Certainly, Mr Daly.

I rang them about a dozen times.

Yes, it is.

Will you get in there and tell Daly to call me? I want to get out of here.

Get a taste of what it's like on the other side of the fence, are we, Mr

You must be Tony. You're more elusive than Lord Luke.

That's right.

Tony Ply.

Thanks for coming.

You did well to... What are you doing here?

Oh, Ray Martin asked me to testify.

No, Ray.

No, under no circumstances.

I do not know this gentleman.

He can set them right and ask those little tricks up the West End, Mr

Well, then you must call him, Mr Daly.

The police testimony on that aspect had a profound effect on the bench.

When are you going to call me, Daly? Oh, later, Mr Morley, later. I'm grappling

with profound aggravation.

Gentlemen. Well, he must go back now.

Mind your feet, Cuthbert.

I'm not going to call you on that, Sam.

I called Tony Blythe.

We've got a case conference coming up in less than an hour.

We're going to find the next time we'll be delayed.

But you did indeed have a Daimler to sell? Yes.

Oh, by the way, have you still got the Daimler?

Afraid not, no. I knocked it out for someone else.

Before this happy event, were you driving the Daimler round the Waterloo

a number of days?

Oh, yeah.

It's a lovely motor.

Where's Sergeant Morley? Where's Venice? Where's the other copper?

Well, this man's waiting to give evidence.

What's your name?

Ashley Silverman.

What?

Who's this?

Ashley Silverman, sir. Very well, Mr. Silverman, will you please go into the

witness box and take the oath?

Raymond! I'll have you for it. Mr. Daly!

You can walk.

You're walking.

It's a sign, my lad.

It's a sign.

I've never been calling you. Is it my turn?

It was, but you've missed it. Looks like you're going to have to wait a little

bit longer, Mr. Morley.

You do realise that when I get in a witness box, I'm going to destroy that

don't you?

I'm going to do him so much damage, he's not going to get a heavy fine. He's

going to go down.

I'm going to put a stop to him once and for all.

Now, Mr Silverman, would you tell the court your qualifications and your

profession?

Certainly.

I have an MA, a diploma in music.

I'm a lecturer at the Fetter Academy of Dramatic Art, and I also give private

lessons in speech -making and voice production of my Soho studio, where you

been one of my pupils for nearly five weeks.

But what I'd like to know, Mr. Daly, is why you'd not previously given the

particulars of this witness to the police?

You realize it would have thrown a quite different interpretation on your visits

to Soho.

Perhaps I could answer that, Your Worship.

Ashley Silverman is but one of my many theatrical names.

In a previous happier incarnation, I was known as Irving Ashley.

The Irving Ashley.

Where is he?

I remember seeing you at Stratford -upon -Avon. Oh, yes.

With Larry and John.

I went to see him in a desert song. I took her indoors.

Brought tears to my eyes.

Oh. How kind.

Regrettably, those starry days are long past.

Now, to eke out a humble living, I've been obliged to resort to my current

occupation. When Mr. Daly came to me for private tuition in speech -making

and voice production, he recognized me immediately.

I begged him to keep my little secret.

I was fearful of publicity and...

Ridicule.

He readily agreed.

But you've now volunteered to give evidence on his behalf.

When his young assistant, Raymond, came and explained the matter to me,

I thought it was the least I could do.

As Sidney Carton said on the way to his final haircut,

it's a far, far better thing I do.

than I have ever done before.

If... If I, Mr.

Daly, I could run through one or two of the exercises that we did together.

Oh, yes.

Sir,

I wish to withdraw all charges against the accused and offer him the most

profound apologies for the appalling ordeal he has undergone.

I should think so, too.

Mr. Daly, you leave this court without a stain on your character.

I award your full conscience to you.

Now, this case should never have been brought, and would not have been

without the investigating officers jumping to the most extraordinary

based on mere circumstantial evidence.

Case dismissed.

The court will rise.

Congratulations, Mr Daly. Thank you very much.

You realise you've made me the laughing stock of the entire manor, don't you?

When word gets out that I've been having lessons to speak properly, I won't be

able to go into New England without being greeted by a chorus of the rain in

Spain going mainly down the drain.

Yeah, but why were you doing it?

Look, if England footballers can cop 500 quid tax -free every night for a bit of

public chat, so can I.

I was going to join the after -dinner speaker circuit.

This has been very embarrassing.

Mr Morley, many are called but few are chosen. Come on Ray, I'll buy you a

drink.