Original subtitles

Eric, I just came to say how sorry I am. How deeply, deeply sorry.

Only those of us who've trod the rocky path of life and stared into the pothole

of crisis can understand how you must be feeling.

And if there's anything,

anything at all I can do to help, just say the word.

Your sunny days are here again, my friend.

In my good fortune, I have happened upon the Tutankhamun's tomb of garden

equipment. Really?

Now, as someone who's been in gardens all his life, you will appreciate what

I've got here.

This is a machine that actually makes people wolf -whistle in the street.

I have seen motorbike couriers riding less powerful machines than these.

Mr. Daly. Now, for a lawn maintenance unit like this, we would normally be

asking seven.

But bearing in mind the number involved, I'm happy to let them go for five.

Are they hot, Mr. Daly? Certainly not.

Hot, my friend?

A little bit warm, perhaps, but you'd expect that with fire -damaged stock.

Oh, yes. I heard about that.

Terrible. Terrible. Eric had had that garden for 15 years.

One of the great ironies of life.

Apparently, the fire started in the wiring for his new sprinkler system.

Gently, please. I heard that clunk.

These are not a property of the hanging gardens of Neasden. Well, you sold them

already. The art of the entrepreneur, eh?

I see an opportunity.

Dive in, snap it up and get out quick with the spoils.

You know what a shark does.

Raymond, do not sully the name of commerce.

What? Well, you absolutely know I'm sort of moth -eaten out of that balloon.

You've lost leaders.

If I hadn't bought the job lot, I wouldn't have got the mowers, would I?

Anyway, these boys will have their vocation.

Fiat opportunists.

Everything has its opportunity.

What, even that balloon?

Oh, yeah.

Well, yeah, you bin that when you've tucked all the mowers up.

What, tonight?

Oh, yes.

Very easily emotionally disturbed lawnmowers. They hate being out at

is why God invented sheds.

Where did those go up?

I don't know, but, Arthur, I'm surprised... This is your generation,

When I was a boy, we used to stuff potatoes up exhaust pipes for a bit of

but your lot, no.

Posters and graffiti all over the place. Yeah, but Arthur, it's half past six.

That's a positive imagination.

Do me a favour.

Take it down before you knock off it. Low as a toad of a place.

Well, that is all right.

28 gnomes. More or less. I'll bin the rest.

Not like you'd have been anything.

Not even I can find a use for an airship.

Airship? Yeah, a blimp balloon thing. You know, you used to have it flying

the car park with Erics on it. You've never been there.

Well, what do I want with a 20 -foot balloon with Erics on it? It makes a bit

money, that's all.

It what?

Who does make a bit of money?

There's a bloke I know up in the black country.

He's got a firm. He rents them out.

What for, right?

It's advertising, Arthur.

Companies will fork out to see their name up in the sky.

Big money, apparently.

He charges by the week. And, uh, is he? I mean, does he?

Well, all I know is that he bought his missus a brand -new red Porsche for her

birthday.

Because she got bored with the black one.

Young Ray coming in.

He's doing some property maintenance.

Very important, that. The public face of a business should always look clean.

You sure that's the right skit?

Yes, Arthur.

It's in the yellow bag.

I know, Arthur. I put it in here, Arthur, like you told me. Don't raise

voice in the street.

Very unprofessional.

Well, it's only a tatty old blimp. Why do you suddenly want it back?

It has been rescued from destruction by the fair maiden of opportunity.

Well, perhaps you'd like to come in here and find it.

Yeah, that's right. One photo.

Four by four, in colour.

How much?

Look, I want it done in Wilsdon, not Trinidad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sure there are standard rates. But I wasn't aware I'd

phoned Lord Litchfield instead of... Harry Powell at me snapper.

All right, all right, what would it cost in black and white?

Oh, I'm sorry if it impinges on your creativity.

But it'd be cheaper to dismantle the scene and rebuild it in a photo booth.

Ray, how long does it take to press a button? Arthur, here's me thinking 100 %

it's a good marker. Arthur, will you stop?

What is going on? Business is going on, Ray.

Our phoenix is rising out of Eric's hatchet.

What business?

Aha, good boy.

Arthur, what business?

Daily inflatables, advertised in the skies. You are joking.

Well, if you want to be seen, you've got to be up in the sky and we have a

balloon. We have a balloon with Eric's written on it. Oh, that goes. Any

punter's name can be on there. So what we want, we want a leaflet with a photo

to show them.

Honestly, do you know what these photographers are charging?

I thought he was telling me the speed of the film he was going to be using.

What we want is someone who would do us a favour.

Hold on.

That girlfriend of yours.

Oh, no.

She's a photographer. I'm not asking Gloria. Well, look, she's got a camera.

She's bound to have some spare film kicking around.

Arthur, I'm not asking Gloria. Oh, come on. No. Why not? Because I know what

she'd say.

No. Oh, no. No, no, no, no. Look, Gloria, I know what you're going to say.

just said it. Well, let me explain.

Oh, I understand, Ray. You want me to take pictures for Arthur Daly for

Look, it's not... I can't believe this, you know.

After all he pushed you through...

What's all that skivvying round?

I don't skivvy round. Really?

It's a proper job, Gloria. OK, OK, come on. What did you do today, then, in your

proper job? What, today?

Yeah. Well, I had to shift some lawnmowers down to, um... Then I had to

the... Look, I don't have to justify what I do to you. You're skivvying for

Arthur. Gloria, you've said no, OK? Just don't give me this anti -Arthur stuff.

OK.

Well, I suppose if I tell myself I'm doing it for you and not for Arthur, and

it's the last thing I've ever to do with him, OK.

And the price of the meal out?

Done.

Who's he been photographing, anyway?

Well, it's not exactly you with that. It's, um... It's an airship.

What?

What, up there?

I thought you was photographing it in the locker.

You'll have to blow it up.

What, with a pipe pump? Don't be dark, Ray. We'll be here all night. No, nip it

down the garage.

Arthur, you just can't itch it up to the free air pump.

No lilos, no footballs. It don't say nothing about no airships. Look, the

you can do with air is check for leaks. You can't float it without helium.

No. Yes, they just didn't get the R101 down at garage, you know. Yeah, and look

what happened to the R101.

What? Well, if that had been full of air, it wouldn't have exploded, would

It would have just punctured.

Gone 400 miles in three seconds and wrapped itself around a tree in Denmark.

wouldn't have got off the ground.

Look, I can't stand in that ring. I've got to be at J. Bolland's at half past.

Just get on with the job.

Arthur, I do my job and this isn't it.

Pardon? I'm supposed to be a minder.

Yes, Raymond.

And if you look in the Greater Oxford Dictionary under minder, you'll see it's

derived from the Latin and it means one who does what he's told without moaning,

which is currently what I'm expecting of you. Now, get on the case.

Joey, as soon as I saw this balloon, I thought of you.

You what?

I'm the consumer of advertising.

The ring. Still going strong, I see. Oh, aye.

Legendary Joey Bull and Fight Night.

First Friday of every month. Aye.

What was it we always used to say, you and me?

I don't know.

We always used to say something.

We had to say it.

Didn't we?

No.

Forgotten it now.

Oh, well. Time marches on, Joey. I see you're still using a poster for

advertising. Oh, yeah.

Here's tonight's.

Ah.

Great Moinopather.

Still flying Dutchman van Dijk.

Dutch, is he?

Fantastic left hook. Very good.

Hook of Holland.

Holland, hook.

Dutch. It's good to see a lifetime of boxing hasn't dulled your native wit,

Joey. But I must say your advertising clout seems a lot to be desired.

How's that?

Well, as it stands, conventional.

But I'm here to tell you, come next month... Your fight night could have a

of the old Arthur Daly punch.

Not started doing the posters, have you? Oh, well, yeah, we could do posters,

obviously. In conjunction.

But you know me, Jelly.

I always have my eye on either thing.

I'm in trouble.

Eh?

No, I'll manage, mate.

Balloon, is it?

Yeah, kind of.

They sometimes have them up with names on, don't they? Yeah, well, that's what

this one's for.

After daily inflatables.

Your boss wants it up over his car lot for a photo.

Yeah, all right, all right.

I told him I can check it for leaks, but he won't do it. It's just a waste of

time. If he wants to corner the market in aerial advertising, he's going to

to fork it out for a bit of helium.

That's what he's doing, is it?

Cornering the market?

Yeah, supposedly.

I said I'm going, all right!

Not exactly majestic, is it?

Not exactly.

Looks like a dinner lady on a bit of string.

70 quid.

Immoral, charging for gas.

God put gas on this earth for all of us. Yeah.

God didn't put it in canisters right round the transit, did he?

I thought photographers had it good.

Tom!

It's just down here, by the pool.

You're not in a very good mood.

Mr. Pike, I just came to tell you... You see, Warren, the psychology of

disruption.

One placid swimming pool and one tiny olive.

Ripples create ripples.

Thus, one tiny olive disrupts the status quo.

I just thought you should... Someone...

has flicked an olive into our pool, Warren.

Someone has trodden on the forbidden lawns. Joey Bullen, I hear,

is having his poster advertising material circulated as of this afternoon

a... a Mr Arthur Daly. It appears that... Daly! Don't interrupt, please,

Warren. Sorry. Mr Pike.

Sorry, Mr Pike.

It appears...

That we have been undercut.

We have with the balloons as well.

That's what I came for.

You know you're moving into inflatables.

I just found out there's an Arthur Daly moving into balloons as well. Kind of

Wollstone Manor.

And he's after cornering the market.

I think we should treat Mr Daly to a night out on

the marsh.

Don't you, Warren?

Right, my dear. Now, this is what I envisage.

Me standing here with a sort of professional smile and a cabin in the

and the inflatable above my head.

You think you can manage that? I think it may be my powers, Arthur.

Marvellous. Marvellous. Right.

All set?

Twitching to go. Right.

Hold on. Don't click. Don't click. What's all this?

Well, you want me to be in it, don't you?

Ray, this is a major company business launch.

I'm part of the company. I'm an executive. You always should be ready.

No, no, no, no. Hold on, hold on. How can I put this, Ray? Look, our business

here is like a little version of our great nation.

Every man has a function. Everyone turns his own little cog in the machine.

Right. Right. Now, whatever his rank, however humble his calling, every man's

job is critical to the running of that great machine.

All right?

All right. All right.

But at the end of the day, you can only have one person's head on the stamps.

Right?

Are you going to do anything?

Like what?

It looks a bit dull.

Well, those Brazilian dancers I ordered should be here in a minute. What do you

mean, dull?

Dull. Can't you point?

Point at what?

Your nose.

The balloon.

Why, isn't it clear where it is?

Oh.

Have you got it in that little square?

You have to have it all in that little square.

Oh, do you, Arthur?

Here it all is, yeah.

In focus, not all fuzzy? No, it's not fuzzy, Arthur.

Why do I have to point?

I want a promotional photo, not a spot the blimp card.

I'll show you. That is it. I'm going to have to kill him.

Look, I know you're used to doing catwalks, but we don't want none of that

stuff, OK? It's all right, Arthur. I left my fuzzy camera at home today.

Now,

all nice and sharp.

Me, the cabin, and the inflatable.

Arthur, it looks like a holiday snap.

You're going to have to interact with it. Hold your arms out. Say, hi, hello,

this is what I've got to offer you.

I am a respected member of this community. I do not want photos of me

like Ethel Berman on a supermarket notice board.

Right, well, we'll have to compromise then.

Lead with your hands.

Hold it up like that and smile. Yeah, that's it.

That's lovely.

You have to get it all in the little square.

Make sure it's not fuzzy.

Thanks, Gloria. You were brilliant with him.

Well, you owe me one good night out.

And it has to be Spanish or upwards. It isn't a tandoori job.

I promise you, Spanish, French, Italian, whatever you want.

You deserve it.

What about La Cuisine at 8 o 'clock?

Yeah, all right. I've just got to drop these mums off to Nice. Well, don't be

late. I can't be there.

One minute late and that film goes in the Beaujolais.

8 o 'clock. Yeah, all right.

Oh, hello. Is that a fire brigade?

Yeah, well, not only are they customised for a fire brigade, but they are of

particular interest to firemen because they are, of course, lucky charms.

What was that?

Well, Cornish mythology states that anyone possessing a pixie... or similar

thing, will never be befell by any bad luck.

Yeah, all right, you have a word and I'll call in the morning.

You come to see if I are in the balloon.

You're

late,

Mr. Bailey.

I'm sorry. I had bad traffic.

Over there, please.

Look at your car.

I'm not skivvy, you know.

Pardon?

Nothing.

Can you not roll them on the concrete?

It blunts the blade.

Shut up, David.

Pardon? You have trodden on the forbidden lawns.

I've had it, Arthur.

How come it's all right for me to be a skivvy in one way, but I can't be a

business associate in the other, eh?

You can't answer that, can you?

Right.

Right, Arthur.

I think it's about time we had a little chat about job description.

Arthur?

You're absolutely sure?

It's taken a few years' practice, Ray, but I can normally spot him from behind

bar. I know that, Dave. It's just that usually when he disappears, he comes

here. And there's his cigar.

That's the odd thing.

Yeah.

Half would never leave half a cigar.

But perhaps he was in a bit of a rush.

For where?

It's a slim chance, but he might just have gone home. Come off it, Dave.

Stranger things have happened.

Ah, mademoiselle, bonsoir.

Par ici.

Thank you.

A drink, perhaps?

Yes, please, dry martini.

You're waiting for someone?

Ah, yes, I am.

Aunty, yeah, it's Ray.

Yeah, me, I'm all right, I'm fine. I'm just wondering, you ever seen Arthur in

the last hour or two, have you?

Of course, I must be crazy.

I'll try him down in Winchester.

It's a funny feeling being stood up, isn't it?

You get this funny empty feeling in your stomach, and suddenly everyone else is

in couples and happy and kissing, and you're the only one who isn't.

Not so bad when it's two of us, is it?

This is how they meet in films.

No, Lenny, stop laughing.

Lenny, this is serious.

Oh, if I had to disappear.

Look, I haven't trodden on any forbidden rules.

But if I did, there wasn't any signs up.

So you think it was...

See your way to taking me back?

Hello?

No, right, you can't go to the law. Not yet.

Besides, if you ring them and tell them that Arthur Daly has been abducted, it's

going to be two days before they stop curing.

He hasn't been gone all that long. It's only just half our state.

Our fate?

Gloria.

Thanks. Can I get you some wine?

Aye. Yeah, I'll have a Beaujolais. A bottle? No, a glass with about that much

it, please.

Just enough to drop a roll of film in.

Look, I hadn't realised the government had privatised the park keeper service.

When I was a lad, they used to wallop you round the ear and tell your parents.

I didn't realise it's become an imprisonable offence. You have trodden

forbidden lawns.

Gloria, I'm sorry I'm a bit late. Oh, Ray, it's lovely to see you.

Can I just warn you in advance of your excuse that there is one word which you

might use which will sink this film. OK, go on.

Gloria, I'm sorry I'm late. I've had a bit of trouble with Arthur.

Oh, that was the word. Gloria.

Have a nice meal, eh? Gloria, sit down. It's important. I think Arthur's been

abducted. Ray, of all the excuses available to you... It's not an excuse.

not going to make up an excuse like that, am I?

Abducted?

One thing I meant to stop happening, and I... Well, I failed, haven't I? What

has he got into this time?

He's gone out of his depth, hasn't he?

He's not started anything new, has he?

No.

This balloons thing.

I hardly think balloons are a big mafia issue, do you?

So there's no new faces about the place that he might have had dealings with?

Gloria, I've told you, there's... What?

The bloke from the garage.

What garage?

Come on. No!

I'm going to ask a question.

And I'll be very grateful if the answer didn't contain the words lawns are

forbidden.

Right?

Where are we going?

You have trodden. Thank you very much.

Is the attendant a man or a woman?

That's a bloke.

Right. Well, I'll go then.

You? Why?

Well, because if I go, I stand more chance of getting what I want.

And tragically, that's the way the world works.

Don't ask me why.

Excuse me.

What pump is it?

No, no pump.

I was wondering if you could help me. I'm in a bit of trouble.

What's the problem?

Well, I was just driving past here yesterday and this man in a van pulled

right into my path.

And, well...

I've just been to the hospital, and it's whiplash. It's nothing.

The man said that he'd leave his name and address with my car for the

and when I got the name, it just doesn't exist.

And the car's a total write -off.

Oh, it's just a chance, but you don't know how he might have been.

Pike. Yeah, Tony Pike business account. That's what was on the check.

Tony Pike? Do you know him?

No. Damn.

Hang about it.

I mean, not personally, but I have heard the name.

Somebody I know has talked about him.

Well, come on, Dave. Anything.

I mean, what he does, where he goes, anything.

Someone I know worked with him.

I can picture him telling me. Yeah?

I can't remember.

This isn't going to work.

We'll have to think of something else to do.

Hang about. Hang about. I've got it.

It's Bullard.

Who? Joey Bullard. The boxing bloke.

Ow.

Where the hell are we?

What's going on?

We're having a night out on a marsh. Hey, no, no. What's going on? You've got

the wrong float. I definitely didn't book this. Well, you don't have to book.

Hold on, hold on. You don't have to do anything. Look, you've got the wrong

Stay in there with Warren until Tony Pike turns up.

Who? You see, you have trodden on the forbidden lawns, Mr Dagny.

That means tomorrow morning they'll be taking you out of your own crutches.

Get up.

Don't touch me. You're only three minutes.

Excuse me, mate. What? Who are you? I'm looking for Joey Bullen. Who let you

back here? This is authorized only.

I've got to see him. It's really important, mate. Well, he's not here.

A flight started. He's in the auditorium.

Out. All right. Can you tell us what he looks like, then? Out.

Good boy, mate.

Oh, it's coming.

Look, excuse me. Shut up.

Just a minute. I said shut up.

Look, could I just ask one question that could be crucial to all this?

One? One question, then shut it.

Who is Tony Pike?

They all say that.

I'll bet.

You know, I've done this before.

I just bet they all say that, though.

Ladies and gentlemen!

Who looks like they run the place?

The third man this evening, from Finsbury Park, weighing 180 pounds, will

welcome Mike Middleman!

Don't think of Sammy.

Excuse me, Joey Bullen.

I want a word, please, Mr Bullen. Shut up, there's a bloody fight going on,

hadn't you noticed?

Listen, I just... And from Heindhoven, in the lowlands, weighing...

He's my uncle.

Sit down.

Feet.

We go back, him and me. Mr Bullen, Arthur has disappeared.

What? That's while we're here. He's gone.

We think it might have something to do with a guy called Tony Pike.

Pike?

You're kidding.

I know him.

Oh, yeah.

I know Tony Pike.

Just a bit of business.

Don't wait up.

I could be a little while.

No, it isn't. So he's got a fly -posting racket?

No, not a deep fly -posting racket.

And if anyone else gives it a go... Well, what?

He has this thing, a knife out on the marshes.

Anyone who crosses him gets it.

Gets what? What is it? I don't know.

All I know is the blokes who come back.

Look.

I don't like in front of the lady.

Look, tell us, where is it?

The one time he needed me is the one time... You've got to get to him, Ray.

Where are these marshes? We don't know. You'll have to ask somebody who's been.

Who's been?

Les, out there.

Les Critchley.

Les! Come in here a minute.

Right, Les.

I've got a job for you.

Oh, yeah?

Lost something?

Hopefully I'm in fags.

You, uh, you smoke cigars?

Why?

Well, just I've got a cigar you can have.

Don't. Don't think just because this is the first time I've fallen for anything.

That's all right, look.

There you are.

Favor for a favor.

I don't think this buys you anything.

So tell you this, this don't change a thing.

Tomorrow morning, they'll still be taking you out on crutches, right?

An old native mine is in trouble.

And we all help our mates, don't we, lads? Look after him, guys. Come on. All

right. Let's get you in here.

Morellacourt, please, mate. Okay, governor.

Look, Ray, will you just please be careful?

It's under control. I'll be fine.

I'll be fine. All right, call me. All right. Go on. Make it snappy, cabbie.

We've got a rendezvous on the market.

Right east, innit?

Start heading east to start with. Yeah, east is fine.

Fine.

Look,

you're okay.

You're going to be no danger with me.

Yeah, and you think they'd count, do you?

Against Pint's boys.

Who's with the van?

It's a bit bendy. It's all right.

All for me? Aren't you hungry?

Nah, you have it all.

Oh, well, have a chat over supper.

Have a bit of time to spend.

And you know what they say.

Fiat opportunis.

Oh?

Yeah. Warren, why am I here?

Because... Because you have trodden on the forbidden lawns. Right, now, these

lawns I keep hearing about... Belonged to this Tony Pike, who I also keep

hearing about.

And it... Hold on.

I've got it.

It's a lawnmower, isn't it?

From Eric's. He's into lawnmowers.

No, no.

Advertising. What?

Posters. Well, not just posters anymore.

Advertising blimps. This isn't anything.

The bus station.

Finsbury Park, that's where they got me.

I can't go past it now. Here it is.

Have to go up Trollerton and Park Road, turn left into Mayfield.

Oh, gotcha. All right.

Well, these boys.

Always had these head cases around him.

Inospitable, this place, isn't it?

That's why Tony likes it.

How does this Mr.

Piper of yours take apologies, Warren?

Doesn't work.

Didn't for me.

So, do you come from a long line of minders, Warren?

I mean, is it a family profession?

No, no.

Dad was a fish porter.

Billingsgate.

So this Mr. Pike must have made you a very good offer.

It's going to be beaten up.

Ah.

So you decided discretion was the better part of valour.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's really true.

Yeah. You know a lot of, you know, sayings, don't you? I rely on them,

The words of the wise are but torches to guide us through the tunnel of life.

I like that.

Sayings. Like treading on the forbidden lawns.

The taking out on crutches was mine.

I did that.

Very effective.

What was that of yours, that Fiat Opportuni? Fiat Opportunis.

You speak Latin as well?

Like a native.

Fiat, let there be, Opportunis, opportunity.

See, I like that.

I love all that.

He thinks I'm thick.

Who does?

Shut up, Warren.

Mr Pike, please.

Gladys, give me this, give me that.

Will you some physical aggression, Warren?

I hate all that.

I hate it.

He likes to think he's some long, good Friday gangster.

He's got all this technique.

That's what he's minding.

They lock you in there.

...place and just stare at you.

He won't turn up for ages.

But he tells them just to stare, say nothing.

My dad, you see, hated violence.

Couldn't stand it.

I think he was working a lot with fish that did it.

Because they're very calm, aren't they, fish? Yeah, yeah.

They're not naturally aggressive.

No, no, no, no. Very calm.

Precisely.

Then he turns up.

Okay.

Pipe done.

And he has this cigar waiting.

And he just smokes it without saying anything. Just looking at you.

He loves that.

Then he's nearly finished.

And he stubs it.

Well, that's just the aperitif.

He has this block of wood and a...

And I am Bart, and look, where was all this?

I saw the signs.

For Dartford.

Tell me more about your dad, Warren.

Oh, well, only if you want to, obviously.

He liked words, Dad.

He used to get to read his digest.

He had this page with nice little sayings people had said.

He used to learn them. He used to say them, like you.

He knew hundreds.

Night.

Why do we grow older if not to grow wiser?

Or a twinge of conscience, Warren.

It's a glimpse of God.

God? God. Oh, God. God, right, yeah.

I think he would have liked me to be a writer.

Something with words.

Or possibly something to do with fish.

That would have made him really proud.

Well, you do work for a Mr Pike.

I suppose I must have let him down a bit, really.

I can't really be proud of being on the dole for 20 years and then running a

poster outfit.

Well, we all happened to find our... You ran a poster gang?

On me own.

That's how I ended up here.

I was up pasting on Muswell Hill one night.

Tony Pike draws up.

He gets out shouting and screaming.

Now he's going to put me in the back of the van.

But, like, he's two feet smaller.

He just stops and looks up and says, all right, you give me the option.

I'd get beaten up or have a job driving around chasing those who was treading on

his forbidden lawns. But, Warren, did it never cross your mind to beat him up at

all?

I can't really handle the physical aggression.

Oh, dear, Warren.

Here.

You ain't trying anything psycho.

You know, soften me up, cos it won't work.

Warren, I wouldn't dream of it.

Honestly. Left.

Right.

No, left, as you were.

Now, make up your mind. I don't know, do I?

You don't know what this is like, mate.

This is like escaping from the gates of hell and someone driving you back again

in a taxi.

You talk a lot about your dad, Warren, don't you?

Did he pass on any pearls of wisdom?

Pearls of wisdom.

That's nice.

Yeah, you know, little lessons to help you through life.

Yeah.

Yeah. He used to put me on his knee and say, Warren, never ever eat the head of

a turbot.

You're right. No, I meant more emotional rather than fish -oriented.

The brown stuff is dangerous.

And the eyes are really bitter.

My dad passed on a pearl of wisdom to me.

Yeah.

Arthur, he said, fear is a weapon.

The knife itself is not frightening, but fear of the knife is what's

frightening.

And the more you think about that, the truer it becomes.

Yeah.

Some knives are frightening.

Yeah, Warren.

Some knives are massive.

Yeah.

They had these huge ones you used to fillet conger eels with.

Yeah, what I'm trying to say, Warren, is all of this has happened to me before.

Being kidnapped? Yeah.

It was very traumatic. I was seven.

And there was this other kid, well, you know how you get one who's a bully boy.

Yeah. And he locked me in this sports shed, tied me up and stuck a beanbag in

mouth so I couldn't call for help.

And I could hear all the others playing outside, playing British Bulldog on the

field. Right.

When I told my dad, half they said...

If you don't stand up to this lad, you will have a beanbag in your mouth for

rest of your life.

Your fear of him is his only weapon.

Do you see what I'm trying to say, Warren?

Yeah. That is all Tony Pike has got.

Straight on?

Definitely?

Definitely.

Stop!

For what?

Left. I think it was left.

You said definitely.

I was upside down and I banged around, wasn't I? But didn't you look on the way

back? Funnily enough, no.

Funnily enough, I was just running away, but I passed out from my ankles. What

did she do?

Don't tell me that. I don't want to hear it.

You see, Warren, I know minders. There's good and there's bad.

And a good minder's better than skivvying around.

You are a sensitive person, Warren.

That makes you bigger than all this.

You're bigger than skivvying.

You're bigger than Tony Pike, let's face it. Two feet bigger.

So why are you here?

Because you are frightened of him. We all are.

But remember what happened when he got out of the van at Muswell Hill. He

stopped dead. And why?

Because he is frightened of you.

Somewhere.

Somewhere here.

I can feel it.

It better be.

You've got a chance to spit that beanbag out and keep the door open. That is the

great choice in your life now, Warren. Stay in the shed or run about in the

Walk out of this place into that bright new dorm with your red -held eye and

say, I am Warren. I am not a skivvy. I am a dignified human being.

Oh, think what your dad would say.

There.

Up there.

You sure?

A night on the marsh.

Up there.

Oh, come on, then. Oh, no. No.

Sorry.

Liz. I can't. That's it.

Liz. Come on.

All right.

Arthur! Arthur!

Mr.

Daly.

Well, you want to tie this one up, Warren? He's a strong lad.

So this is thee, Mr.

Daly. This is the olive in our pool. This is the man with the balloons.

Who's been treading on the forbidden lawns of Tony Pike.

Tony Pike.

Heard of me, have you?

Yeah, I've heard of you.

Warren, get in here, Warren.

Can you help him, Warren?

Warren?

I'm Ray Daly, Mr. Pike.

After Daly's minder.

And if you tell me what you've done with my uncle, I'm going to make you wish

you'd never come out here tonight.

I haven't done anything. So where is he then? I don't know.

Right. No, I don't know. I don't know, do I? Warren the minder's taken him off.

He's done it himself. He's thick. He's soft.

No, I was calling. You heard.

I thought he was here. Otherwise, I wouldn't have come here, would I?

Right. Goodbye, then.

Thanks, Arthur.

Always happy to oblige. If you get any trouble from Tony Pike... I've got your

number. And remember, my friend, fear opportunists.

Fear opportunists.

Hello.

I'm sorry, Arthur.

You gave me a job to do and I was so bothered about what kind of job it was

in the end I... I just didn't do it.

Don't worry, Ray.

Eh?

You did your best in the circumstances.

We all make mistakes.

Wait. Ray is the man who knows when he's made a mistake.

The words of Lee Chai Min.

Engineer.

Yeah, Arthur. Never let it be said that Arthur Daly fell foul of that dictum.

Yeah, but Arthur, I mean, what happened out there?

Hmm.

Quite a lot happened.

Suffice it to say, I have just spent the most illuminating night on the marshes,

as a result of which a 15 -stone man mountain has gone off to fiat

for the rest of his life.

And I've come back to Wilsdon for a shower.

Yeah, but how did you get... Raymond, do you think it falls within your role of

duty? To run me back to the car lot.

Come on.

You see, Ray, it suddenly struck me while I was sitting down there that I

made a considerable mistake.

I mean, if I hadn't had you running around delivering lawnmowers and God

what all, well, it's more than likely I'd never have been on a night out in

first place because you would have been there to protect me.

You see, I know you wouldn't say anything.

But there's been a degree of late to which you've had the odd few skivvying

jobs, right?

No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't deny it.

And I have come to realise in my art of arts that that is true.

You are worth more than that.

I know that now.

So, I think it's time we had a chat about job descriptions.

If you say so.

Oh, I do, I do.

I mean, wherefore do we get older if not to get wiser?

Arthur. And I say to you, no more lawnmowers giving jobs, no more peeling

posters jobs.

Yeah, Arthur. No, no, no, I will not hear a word against it. Arthur. And no

manual labour balloon -making jobs. Arthur. That is my pledge to you.

Will you have a look? What?

Raymond, before we have our little chat, there is just one last favour.