All language subtitles for minder_s03e11_poetic_justice_innit

I can be so good for you.

Love you like you want me to.

I can be so good for you.

Love you like you want me to.

We'll keep up the payment. Come on.

Hold on, hold on. Are you going to tell
me what this is all about, or what? I

told you, some kind of celebration.

What's the matter? Does anyone want a
free lunch?

No, lunch was for the middle party.

I have dinner.

Thanks, there we go.

It's a pleasure, madam.

That was nice of him, wasn't it?

I think so.

Oh, wow.

I expect his dad thinks so, yeah.

Now, come on, you. Are you going to tell
me what this is all about?

Yep. Hang on.

Giving up the stripping game.

Gone into business for meself.

Deborah Mitchell, eh?

Hairdresser, manicurist and facialist.

All private, like. Visiting clients in
their own homes.

Stuck a couple of ads in the local.

Got a trip at me spot.

Great, innit?

Well, beats digging ditches.

Beats having old men leering at you and
all.

Did you know anything about that?

Trained for it when I left school,
didn't I? I got certificates and

Funny, isn't it? What is?

Well, I don't know. I've known you for
so long, I can't imagine you doing

anything else.

I'm not all tits and bum, you know,
Terry.

Oh, I didn't mean that.

I guess there's quite a few things you
don't know about me.

There probably is, yeah.

Well, aren't you pleased for me?

Yeah, I think it's massive.

And that's why I'm going to buy you a
meal.

No, I said my treat.

I mean it.

Mucho man time, is it?

That's right, yeah.

I'm not having you buy me meals.

Oh, I'll tell you what, though. I ain't
got much dough, so if you pay for it

now, I'll give you the money later, all
right?

Tell you what, I'll make a deal with
you.

What? I buy lunch, you take me out
tonight.

All right.

Oh, don't like that one much.

That's quite good.

Me? I could see you'd sod.

I'll do all this bread, do all this
food.

Might have to have a lie down this
afternoon.

I'm a beautician now, you know.

How can you do jewellery service?

I mean, you've got form.

What, a bit of petty years ago? Don't
mean a thing nowadays.

Do you know it is estimated that one
person in three in this country will cop

conviction for something or other during
their lifetime?

No. Yeah.

The whole moral fabric of society is
falling down around our ear holes, I'll

tell you.

I mean, I do not know what the world is
coming to, Harper.

Very droll, Terence, very droll.

Is there anything in these boxes?

Yeah, see -through yashmaks for
liberated Muslim ladies.

Do you know Arabs are punting them at
twice the price I'm asking?

Tell me he's kidding someone.

I wish I was.

They're very hard to shift.

Hey, listen, you're going to have to
look after things while I'm away doing

bit for the cause of justice.

Like what?

Well, keep an eye on this place.

Maybe punt a bit of gear.

You can manage that, can't you?

Don't get lemon. I don't want any egg
while I'm out of the way.

Your book's all right, isn't it?

Books? What have books got to do with
it?

Well, in case the tax or the VAT men
decide to have a little visit. Terry,

those words, please.

Please. Well, they went round to see
Dave a little while ago, didn't they?

Terry, please.

Nothing wrong, is there, Arthur?

Yeah. Half attack.

Half attack.

Good, isn't it?

So you're going to stand it, then?

Well, nothing to stand.

Looking forward to it, as a matter of
fact.

I don't know that I'd have had it. Eh?

Well, it's not grasping, is it?

What do you mean?

You deciding whether you're going to
send some poor bastard down a rope.

No, no, it's simple.

If it's one of your own kind, it's a not
guilty, isn't it?

If, on the other hand, it's a nonce case
in the dock who's been getting the

kids, then it's into the shovel and
plenty of porridge.

Mr Wong Ho Ling, Mr Arthur Edward Daly.

Mr. Leroy Winston White.

Miss April Carter.

Tell me, where did you get that lovely
town from?

Hawaii. Really?

As each member of the jury rises to be
sworn, you may challenge.

Do you understand?

Yes, sir.

The jury usher will now take the oath.

I just want you to stay close to him
while I'm busy.

Why is that?

Because he's just started working out of
this station and I want to know what he

gets up to.

His reputation has preceded him.

The man is a zealot.

He'd nick one of us, given half a
chance.

Larry!

I was just telling our Welsh friend
here, if there's any kind of assistance

need over the next few days, he's your
man.

Just till you get your feet under the
table.

Settle in, you know.

Thank you, Alfred.

I'll bear that in mind.

Arthur Edward Daly.

No challenge, Your Honour.

Please read from the card.

No need, my dear.

I swear by almighty God, I will
faithfully try the several issues joined

our sovereign lady, Queen, and a
defendant, and give a true verdict

the evidence.

You haven't served on a jury before,
have you, Mr. Daly?

No, my lord, but having heard the oath
five times, what you might call a

retentive memory.

That's a refreshing facility.

Thank you, my lord.

All right, you may sit down.

Thank you, my lord. Leroy Winston White.

Do you have many male plants, Deborah?

Oh, yeah, loads.

Ah, I just wondered.

I mean, it's the first time I've...

Well, I had this sort of thing.

Really? You'd be surprised. A lot of
gentlemen have it done at home.

Oh, you make it sound rather naughty.

Do I?

Nothing naughty about it, Mr. Parson.

You've got to take a mature attitude
over this sort of thing, Joe.

I mean, what's a bit of gear?

Everybody has to do a bit of ducking and
diving these days, life being what it

is. Yeah.

Let him who lobs the first stone.

Know what I mean?

Yeah, I'll take your point, Arthur. Take
your point.

Take that bit of verbal the police
shoved in.

I mean, who'd have thought for a...

Well, if it isn't the bold Arthur.

Oh, yeah, Mr Chisholm.

Business acquaintance, Joe.

I'll see you inside.

Oh, right, Arthur, yeah. Nice to meet
you.

What, keeping you busy, Mr Chisholm?
What are you doing here, Arthur?

Up on one, are you?

Me? No, no, no. You know me, Mr
Chisholm. I'll keep well away from

No, no, no, I've just had lunch break.
I'm doing jury service.

Jury service?

You? A few misdemeanours in the dim and
distant past do not disqualify me.

They must be more desperate for bodies
than I thought to let you through.

Uncalled for, Mr Chisholm. Uncalled for.

I'm a law -abiding citizen serving my
queen and country.

Bullshit, Arthur.

What court are you in, anyway?

Four.

Four? Yeah, he's very interesting,
actually.

But the prosecution don't seem to have a
very strong case.

I can't talk about it, you understand?

Are you all right, Mr Chisholm?

And the exhibits you see before you, do
you identify them as the same garments

you found hidden in the defendant's
flat?

With respect, Your Honor, the witness
has made no mention of the garments

hidden in the flat.

Well, as I understand it, Mr Nautic,
there is no dispute that the garments in

evidence are part of the stolen
consignment. That is so, Your Honor.

I cannot see what possible difference it
makes whether they were hidden or not.

They were there, and that is not in
dispute.

Indeed, Your Honour, but with respect,
it is a question of implication.

Mr Notting, the garments were found in
the defendant's flat. That is a fact.

This is not a seminar on semantics.

As you wish, Your Honour.

You're a very attractive young lady, if
I may say so.

Thank you.

I suppose all your male clients make the
same observation.

Nice place you've got here. You lived
here long?

Yes.

Yes, I suppose I have.

Deborah, I don't suppose... What, Mr
Parton?

I mean, isn't this the extent of your
services?

Afraid so.

It's all I'm really qualified for, you
see.

Perhaps you ought to consider extending
your repertoire.

Like, I don't know, personal massage?

That sort of thing?

I'm sure it'll pay well.

Oh!

Sorry, Mr Parsons. You, uh, sort of
distracted me.

It was at this point I arrested the
defendant, charged him with the offence

handling stolen goods.

And did he make a reply?

He did, sir.

And that was?

He said, this is a right fit up. I had
nothing to do with it. Ask my mum.

Ask my mum. I see.

Yes, Mr... Daly, Your Lordship.

Arthur Edward Daly.

Yes, Mr Daly. What is it?

A point of clarification, Your Lordship.

The term fit up.

I think I heard it used recently in a
television documentary concerned with

police malpractice.

Would I be correct in assuming that it
means corruptly falsifying the evidence

against the innocent?

You would indeed, Mr. Daly. And while it
is commendable to concern yourself with

detail, I would remind you that it is
customary for members of the jury to

listen, and absorb the evidence, and not
to interrupt the proceedings.

I hope I make myself clear.

Perfectly, Your Lordship. My worship.

You sure you won't change your mind,
Deborah?

Sorry, Mr Parsons, nothing personal.

But it's like I said, I'm only qualified
in certain things.

But what if I were to say that... What
was that?

I don't know.

You'd better wait here. I'll go and find
out.

Call it, call it.

The door.

The door.

The lady, she got away.

All right, all right, don't panic.

She's only left a calling card.

All right, let's get out of here before
she finds out. All right, all right, all

right.

I'll bet Chisholm was well pleased. You
should have seen his face, sick as a

parrot. I used to think I was a parrot,
but I'm all right now. I used to think I

was a parrot, but I'm all right now. I
used to think I was a parrot, but I'm

right now.

Yeah, well, I don't think you ought to
upset Chisholm, do you? No, bloody

The last time he did, I ended up in the
dock.

Remember? Oh.

Another drink, anyone?

Yeah, I don't know. No.

I'll tell you what, though.

I've got a little dinner date later on.

Um... Terry, now, you know me.

Generous to a fault. If it was for
something sensible like a new pair of

I would gladly let you have the money.
But to blow on a bird like that... Bird

like what?

A bird like who? A stripper bird, you
know.

Yeah. And she's got a name, you know,
Debbie.

He's only trying to get into me for 30
sobs to take her out.

Tell him, Dave, will you?

Well... No, you tell me.

All right, Terence, all right, no need
for aggression.

I'm simply questioning the logic of you
getting yourself into debt for a girl

you don't need to spend money on.

Dave knows what I mean, don't you, Dave?

No. Oh.

Now, listen, you, just because she's
done a bit of stripping don't mean to

she's a slag. And it don't mean she can
be treated like one either, got it?

Oh, very touchy, aren't we?

Yeah.

Ain't you never heard of romance,
Arthur?

Oh, like that, is it? No, it's not like
that.

Look, Arthur, you still haven't told us
about that court case.

Love to, Dave.

Taken the oath, haven't I? Oh, my God.
Mustn't discuss it with anyone outside

the jury room. The fellow in the father
Christmas gear made that very clear. A

man's very liberty could hang in the
balance if I, or any one of those 11

good men and true, betray that sacred
trust.

These are up for receiving, Clobber.
Part of a lorry load.

Seems like a nice boy.

Is he got any chance?

Not on the evidence so far.

But that is no reason why he shouldn't
be given a benefit of the doubt, Dave,

it? Of course not, Arthur.

Look, listen, are you going to lend me
that dough or not?

Look, Terry, I've stated my situation on
that.

Now, look, while you're busy upholding
justice, you want me to look after the

shop? That is something entirely
different. That is a business

Yeah, yeah.

And part of that business arrangement is
I'm on wages, so I want a sub now.

Here you are, there's a score.

That is all the market can bear.

Generous to a fault, he says.

I'm awful, I see. Well, you might at
least buy us a drink, now you're holding

folding.

I think you've upset him.

Me?

Looks like the safe's been emptied up.

Oh, my God.

Did you have anything of great value in
it, did you, sir? Of course I bloody

did. What do you think a safe's for?

That bitch had something to do with
this. She must have set the whole thing

I didn't. I was out getting the cops.

Where'd you get hold of that?

In the lady quite some time, I believe.

Listen, nothing's happened to her, is
it? She hasn't been hurt? No, nothing

that's happened to her. I will conduct
this interview, if you don't mind,

Yes, sir.

Hold on, what's happening?

What is it, eh?

This is an interview.

I'm conducting an investigation into a
robbery that took place yesterday

afternoon. We haven't been robbed,
actually.

Well, Adjie?

Where were you at 5pm yesterday, McCann?

No, no, no, mate, no.

I'm not getting involved in any
interrogation until I know what's going

right?

Still on a suspended for shoplifting, I
see. Oh, leave it out. That was a right

fit -up, and he knows it. Oh, really?

It's pathetic how often you villains use
that excuse these days. Yeah.

Now, let's start pitting around, shall
we?

Where were you yesterday, around 5?

I don't know.

Now, as it happens, I do know.

I was doing some work for a mate of
mine.

Name of this mate?

It was Arthur, wasn't it?

Mr Arthur Daly.

You know this Arthur Daly, do we, Jones?

Oh, we know him, aye.

But he wouldn't get involved in anything
like this.

Like what?

That remains to be seen, doesn't it?

So, following your raid on my client's
flat and the subsequent surveillance on

those premises...

He never once returned, is that correct?

Well, we never saw him.

Did you try and locate him elsewhere?

We made inquiries, yes.

But failed to find him?

That is correct, sir.

In fact, it was something like a
fortnight later, was it not, when Mr

his own volition, arrived at the police
station to inquire as to why you were

looking for him.

With his lawyer, yes.

A normal precaution any sensible person
would take under the circumstances, is

it not?

That would depend upon your point of
view, I suppose.

I suggest to you that anyone who has
anything to hide, especially from the

police, would not arrive on their
doorstep to volunteer a statement.

You might call it a statement, sir. I
would say it was a story more suitable

a Walt Disney fantasy.

Sergeant Chisholm, you're no better than
to make a remark like that.

I'm sorry, Your Honor.

What do you reckon?

Well, she's got to come home sometime.

Shall we hang about?

Yeah, we could do.

Well, she probably didn't even report
it.

Well, she got a good look at us both.

Do you want to risk it?

Nah. Right, then get in.

Oh, this is bleeding ridiculous.

All it is is a lock -up, right, where he
keeps a few bits and pieces.

I mean, he needs it.

I mean, he's in trading, isn't he?

I mean, it's all legit and above board,
isn't it, Mr Jones?

How would I know, Terry?

Well, that's lovely, isn't it?

Thanks a million, pal.

Oh, dear.

Do you seriously expect the jury to
believe that you met a man in a pub?

This elusive, scouse billy, a man who
you yourself say you hadn't seen in over

20 years, and said that he could stay in
your flat while you were going off? But

that's the truth.

On my granny's eyesight.

The standard oath will suffice, Mr
Smith.

Well, leaving aside this preposterous
alibi of yours for the moment, do you

a habit of letting out your flat Two
comparative strangers, Mr Smith.

Not if I can help it.

Too many thieves about, innit?

Silence.

This is not a music hall, Smith.

Any more facetious remarks like that and
I shall hold you in contempt of court.

Sorry, my lord.

I ain't trying to be funny.

I mean, I'm right on offer here, innit?

On offer?

Never mind. Answer the question.

What question was that, my lord?

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Very nice.

Very interesting.

It's all legit.

Arthur's got some receipts somewhere
over.

Well, I don't know where he keeps them.
He's probably taken them home or

something. Show me.

Where precisely at this moment in time
is this friend of yours, Arthur Daly?

As a matter of fact, he's in court.

On jury service.

Jury service, really?

Yes, really.

He's not taking a piss, are we, McCann?

I ain't going to be after you at the
check, is it? Our Sergeant Chisholm is

of his cases.

Bloody hell.

Matter of fact.

I only believe in myself, Carl.

He can be right, can't he? Right?

Right? Of course he's not bloody right.

It's the system.

A system I'm seriously beginning to
believe is conspiring against me

What have I done?

Why me? Why me?

No good getting paranoid about it, is
there?

Paranoid?

Who's been saying I'm getting paranoid?
Who? Come on, who?

Not me, Gav.

Not me.

I want to ask you something. It's a
serious question. Do you think it's

to be haunted by someone when they're
still alive?

Well, if it's Arthur Daly you're talking
about, I've got some news you might be

interested in.

The upstanding prisoner.

Going on a bit, aren't you?

I don't suppose you'd like to join Joe
and me for a drink across at the... No,

no. Probably prefer tea.

Take away?

Let me get this right.

There's a tie -up, and the victim is a
jeweller claiming a 20 grand loss.

That's right.

And the girl Soames thinks set it up is
a friend of Terry McCain.

That's right.

It's a conspiracy.

It is. Well, that's what Sergeant Soames
thinks.

But I can't see McCann getting involved
in... I'm not talking about that.

I'm talking about the conspiracy against
me.

Oh.

So?

Soames lifts McCann on sass and decides
to take a look around Arthur Daly's

locker. That's right.

For what reason?

Well, he wasn't too forthcoming on that,
actually.

But presumably to look for the stolen
jewellery.

It's ridiculous.

Let McCain go.

Aye. And the girl, when we got back to
the station.

Why?

Well, nothing to hold them on, really.

Anyway, the point is, Soames is out now
trying to get a warrant to officially

search Arthur's locker for stolen
property.

Is he, indeed?

Yes, but might that not be dodgy enough?

I mean, it's not going to look too
clever to the super, is it? If Soames

anything.

Arthur and Terry being sort of old
prospects of yours, like, is it?

I know.

What's your fancy?

Cabinet.

Do you have a log and a... Oh, for what?

She came in here looking upset.

I can see why now.

All I could tell her was you might be
down to lock up or at home.

She reckoned she'd tried that.

Then she left.

Have you tried ringing our place?

Yeah, I've tried that. There's no joy at
all.

Listen, give us your dog, will you? I'll
pry again.

Here you go.

Here, babe.

I'll do it! I'll do it!

Oh, I know. Are you bleeding?

Well, cut me in, you prat. Come on, get
back to the flat.

Is that? You're not that hungry, are
you? Oh, Tony, let's borrow your phone.

Oh,

thanks ever so.

When's your club?

Here. Yeah, well, hang on. He's right
here.

Terry.

Hello?

Yeah, yes, mate.

What?

Now, listen, calm down.

Where are you?

Right, well, just stay there.

I'll be there as soon as I can. It won't
take long. Just keep calm, all right?

I'll see you in a minute.

Hello.

Cheers, Dave. I'll see you.

Terry, I'll see you later. Terry!

Are you deaf or something? I'll see you
later.

Oi, oi, oi. Calm down.

I'm here. You're safe, OK?

For how long?

Those two bastards know where I live.
They could come back at any time.

Oh, Terry, I'm scared.

First the police accused me of being
involved and now this.

What am I going to do?

You're going to come back in my death.

You're going to wait there until I've
sorted it out, all right?

How are you going to sort it out? On a
few bases. I'll ask around, see if

someone can put me in touch with these
two merchants.

No, Terry, you mustn't get involved.

I'm already involved.

That lemon he told you, he thinks I'm
part of the lot.

Oh, no.

Yeah, I've been down the nick all
morning. I was there all night.

I was there all night.

That's how it is, huh?

Oh, no.

Dave, tell me it's not true. Tell me
you're at a wind -up.

What do I tell your porkies about a
thing like that, Arthur?

Did they, uh, find anything? You know,
take anything?

Take anything.

The old bill at the lock -up. I see.

Oh, thank God for that. I'd better get
over there and check. Look, Arthur,

and Debbie are in... Chisholm's behind
this. You mark my words. This is pure

malice. He is doing this to me.

Arthur... You see what happens when I'm
not around to look after things? Well,

considering that... I warned Terry not
to get involved with a bird of that

Now, you can bear me out on that, Dave.

Arthur, Terry and Debbie look like
they're getting fitted for a robbery

nothing to do with.

All you can do is moan about being spun.

They could be in serious trouble.

I could be in serious trouble if Plod
decides they want to see some receipts

goods various.

Nevertheless, I... But you're quite
right, Dave. You're quite right.

But what can I do?

On top of all this ag, I am in the
middle of deciding a man's fate.

Aren't I?

You are wonderful.

You know him.

Listen, do you want a drink or
something?

I'd rather have a cup of tea, Till.

What if we went down there together to
the police station and tell them what

happened?

Do you think he'd believe that any more
than he'd believe that other story of

yours, eh?

I tell you, this Tomsky's that makes
Chisholm look like a welfare worker.

Well, let's tell him, then.

Chisholm.

No, I don't think that'd be awfully good
timing. You see, he's working on the

case that Arthur's trying.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

Then what are we going to do?

We're going to have a cup of tea, aren't
we?

Oh, my God.

It's all gone.

Well, you seem to work all right under
pressure.

Yeah, I see what they mean about nervous
energy now.

I wish I didn't like you so much.

Eh?

Maybe I could fall in love with you.

What, ruin a perfect relationship? No,
shut up.

Don't worry, it's only half an hour and
he can't get in.

Terry, I want a word with you. I know
you're in there because I can see you.

Terry, Terry, I want a word with you
about my stock.

It's gone, all gone.

What have you been up to?

Hold on, I'll get rid of him.

Terry! Now, second thought, you don't
need any more aggravation, do you?

Terry,

come on, throw him out.

Terry!

Mr Chisholm. Go away, Arthur.

Go away?

The whole of my stock confiscated? That
is a gross infringement of my civil

rights. I'll tell you what this is,
Arthur. It's a gross breach of court

I'm the prosecuting officer in this
case. I shouldn't even be seen sneering

you from across the street. I am a
citizen, presently employed by the state

quest for justice. And I ain't getting
none. It's diabolical. Ain't there no

code of conduct no more? One more word,
Arthur.

One more, I'll have you done for
content.

And I mean it.

Be reasonable, Mr Chisholm.

Look, it's my living.

The other one was shorter, about 30,
blonde hair. More mouthy brown,

Oh, well, apparently... Oh, with a tash.
With a tash as well.

Yeah, it's more mouthy brown in the air
and he's got a moustache.

Yeah.

Well, if you can, mate, I'd appreciate
it.

No, don't go out your way. I mean, just
keep your ears and eyes open.

Yeah, cheers, Bill.

Yeah, I'll see you.

Yeah, you never know. I might get down.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'll try. Yeah, tell her, mate.

Bye.

Terry, it's hopeless.

Give me a chance. A few more faces and I
can get a hold of it. They had me going

through the mugshots down at the
station. I couldn't see anyone who even

like them.

Maybe they're not known villains.

Not all known villains have form, do
they?

Now, listen, I want you to stay here
while I do a bit of snooping about.

Why do I have to? I want to go back to
the flat and get a change of clothes at

least. What happens if those two loons
turn up again?

Anyway, you haven't got a car, have you?
Well, I thought maybe you could take

me.

Well, I suppose the first thing is to
choose a foreman.

Yes, that is the usual, normal
procedure.

What about you, Arthur? I mean, you seem
to have some idea, you

know, the way you handled it overnight.

I mean, why don't you do it? Oh, I don't
know.

Oh, all right, all right. As a matter of
fact, I do have a certain working

knowledge of the law.

Well, no -one objects, does he?

No, no, let's just get on with it, shall
we?

What's the procedure?

Do we just vote or what?

Just vote?

Well, the man's clearly guilty. You've
only got to look at his face.

Madam, with respect, a man's vote is
hardly a reasonable foundation on which

base a conviction.

Bloody right.

What is vote?

I do not understand.

Vote race, madam.

Look, let me just say this.

As the duly elected foreman of this
jury, I need hardly remind you that it

our sworn duty...

to weigh the evidence, balance the
scales of justice, free ourselves from

constraints of prejudice and blind
emotion, and arrive at a true and honest

verdict in accordance with the facts.

Thank you.

Well, that's perfectly true, Mr... Daly,
Miss, Arthur Daly.

And you are?

Oh, uh, Miss Carol Dalston, actually.

Oh, well, Carol. Oh, I can call you
Carol, can't I?

Oh, uh, yes, if you like.

Oh, I think the first name's the best,
don't you? It makes it all much cozier.

Yeah, sure, Arthur, yeah. Oh, well,
well, uh, Carol?

Well, it just seemed to me that it might
be a good idea to start off with a show

of hands to begin with.

I agree.

At least we can see how we all stand
before we start arguing their pros and

cons.

Sorry. No, no, no, no, no, you were
quite right.

I was about to make the same suggestion
myself.

Is everyone in agreement?

Yes, we do.

Very well. All those present here who
think, without so much as a discussion,

mind you, that the defendant is guilty,
raise their right hand.

Not a very convincing story, would you
say, Jones?

Both the doors aren't smashed, Gav.

Very observant, Jones.

And we didn't do it.

Tell me, did you intend withholding this
bit of...

So -called information?

No, no. We were going to report it and
then you turned up, right, Deb?

Right. Even though it happened
yesterday?

Yeah, well, Deb was upset, wasn't she?
She was confused by what you did to her.

Needed a bit of time to think. Isn't
that right, Deb? Yes, right.

What is this, a double act?

You do know, of course, that withholding
information of a crime is a crime

itself.

Don't you ever stop.

Listen, she's told you all she knows,
I've told you all I know, right?

Now, why don't you stop agging us and
get on to the cranks who did this?

Oh, hold on, hold on.

You need a warrant before you get
invited in here.

It's official.

I have to admit that his alibi is a
little difficult to believe.

Difficult? It's downright impossible.

Well, just because a man went camping up
in a forest for a couple of weeks with

his mother. A man of that age? It's
ludicrous. For God's sake, he must be 80

she's a day. Did you see her?

She had to be helped into the witness
box.

Camping, indeed.

So they are a tight -knit family with a
penchant for the outdoor life. Is that

so strange?

Strange. It's bizarre. It's perfectly
obvious that the two of them concocted

that ridiculous story.

I shouldn't think the man's ever been in
a tent in his life before.

Ah, now, dear, I beg to differ.

That's right. I mean, he's a British
Tommy, isn't he?

His brain said so.

Exactly. A man who fought for queen and
country against the Bosch to secure the

democracy we live in now.

This septic isle is able of fair play
and give the underdog a chance.

A land what welcomes these refugees.

From oppressed foreign parts.

Right on, Rebretrin. Right on.

I fail to see what that has to do with
the fact that it is absurd to expect us

to believe that a man of his obvious
type and age should go on a camping

expedition with his octogenarian mother
like two boy scouts.

I was forced to live in a tent during
the troubles in my country.

It is not a thing a person would do
voluntarily.

Oh, my God. I must say, as a witness,
the mother wasn't very convincing.

Even less than the defendant, if that's
possible.

That's right.

Not convincing. Not convincing. That
sweet little old lady. But she couldn't

answer the questions about camping
equipment.

I've done a bit of it myself, you know.

The old dear was under oath, wasn't she?

And let me tell you, when you are that
age, you are too near the other side to

tell porkies.

As if the old dear would perjure
herself.

Well, she is the defendant's mother.

I have small Chinese bakery restaurant.

all family work together is good.

Oh, that's very profound, very relevant.

Excuse me?

Yes, Carol?

Well, I do think Arthur has a point. I
mean, there was no direct evidence to

contradict his alibi, was there?

Exactly, my dear, exactly.

And remember his lordship's direction.
If there is the slightest element of

doubt in the issue before us, the
defendant must be given a benefit,

Well, that's true.

Look. I think the guy was lying to him,
Teat.

But it's cool.

We all dig, right?

So, I feel say we should have grooved in
with the foreman here and give him the

benefits. What do you say, sister?

That's right. I mean, you've got a
plight of white men, haven't you?

Yeah, well, it's right, haven't it?

Satisfied?

Well, let me tell you the scenario the
way I see it, McCann.

You and this lady here.

Work out a little scheme whereby posing
as some sort of phony beautician, she's

able to enter... She's got diplomas.

Posing as some sort of phony beautician,
she's able to enter the homes of

innocent victims.

A worthy target is then selected.

And along with her as yet unknown
accomplice, you raid the place. How's

starters?

Diabolical. Look, would she leave her
name and address on a business card if

that was the case, eh? I deal with a lot
of Fourth Division villains, McCann.

It's depressing how many of them make
the most rudimentary mistakes.

Yeah, but that would be downright
stupid, wouldn't it?

Exactly.

This is my appointment diary.

Why don't you get in touch with the
clients I've visited and check whether

they've been robbed?

That should prove that me and Terry are
not to what you say.

And if any of them have?

Leave off.

To continue.

You, Miss Mitchell, have been trying to
cover yourself by reporting the robbery.

Oh, then when you fail in that little
ploy, you get hold of McCann here.

And you invent this ludicrous story
about villains breaking in and

you. But it's true.

It's pathetic.

That's what it is.

Come on, Jones.

Can't you find the door by yourself?

And I shall take great pleasure in
licking you both.

Soon.

This is absurd.

If you accept this preposterous alibi,
then you must also accept that he's

innocent.

Good God, the clothes were found in his
flat. Of course he had something to do

with the stealing or receiving of them.
You're forgetting about Scouse Billy to

make you lend a flat to.

Oh, yes.

This mysterious Liverpudlian whom no
-one except the defendant has ever seen

heard of.

Look, it stands to reason the man's not
going to come forward and confess, is

he? That's because he never existed in
the first place.

Of course he doesn't. It's an insult to
the intelligence.

Precisely. Look.

Are you trying to say you've never met
an old friend from the past, an

acquaintance from yesteryear, had a
drink, reminisced, shed a tear of

for the old days?

I expect we all bump into old
acquaintances from time to time, but I,

do not hand over the keys to my house
and say, go on, live there.

Use it as a warehouse for stolen
property.

All right, so this scouse fully took the
liberty. I mean, that's the point,

isn't it?

I'll have plenty of occasions to pull a
stroke like that.

Yes, yes, I rather suspect you do.

Don't you come and eat snobby boudoir
crap with me, mate. I mean, the trouble

with people like you is you live in a
middle -class ghetto and you don't get

meet the real people, do you? Right,
right.

All Chinese proverbs say, man with no
shoes must

weep for man with no feet.

I hope you don't mind, only I've got to
get this finished.

It's my Albert's birthday tomorrow.

Here, give me some air.

Hey, Till.

I see him in the red car.

Oh, Bill.

It couldn't be.

It is! Put your toe down!

Oh, my God, are you all right, Till?
Yeah, remember that

number. XMF.

XMF353N.

XMF353N. Got it?

XMF353N. Come on, let's go. Oh, God.

I see.

Now you're saying that a police officer
who has probably had years of devoted

service to the community, to his credit,
was lying under oath.

No, no, no, not lying exactly.

No, no, what I'm suggesting was... Well,
you saw his eyes.

Very shifty, very shifty indeed.

I mean, let's call it an exaggeration,
an embellishment of the true facts in an

excessive desire to get on in the job. I
mean, it's quite understandable.

I mean, crime rate rising, clean -up
rate falling.

Now, believe me, convictions are very
important to an ambitious and ruthless

guardian of the law. Stand on me, I
know.

I mean, you saw him in the box.

All them little hesitations and
infertile glances.

Dead giveaway, in my opinion.

I've never heard such balderdash.

Madam, ask yourself this question.

Is he the sort of man from whom you'd
like to buy a second -hand lawnmower?

Uh, uh... Mate?

Cherry, Debbie.

We ain't open yet, but if you need a
drink, that's fine. No, no, I want a

favour. I wouldn't ask if it wasn't
important, right, but you've got a

-in -law who's a coser down at Endham.

I know, Charles. No way.

Now, listen.

Hear me out.

It's to do with this aggro that Debbie
and me are getting.

Look, it'd get us right out of stock,
honest.

What is it? I just want a car
registration checked.

Name and address of the owner.

Terry, have you any idea of the domestic
aggravation I get asking that ponce for

a favour?

I'd have to have him and my sister over
for dinner, and that's just for asking.

Please, Dave.

When the prosecution asked him what his
occupation was...

He said, coronation programme, sir. I
mean, for God's sake.

That was his little joke, that's all.

Nerves. They're funny things, nerves.

Affect different people in different
ways.

That's true. May I sweat a lot?

How charming.

What about you, miss?

Well, actually, I thought I'd get a rash
around here.

Oh, very nicely.

It's scratching with me.

Oh, it's got the scratch.

Drives my Albert mad, it does.

Mr. Ling, how about you?

Do people of the Oriental persuasion
suffer with nerves?

With respect to honorable gentlemen, I
try to mind my own business.

When in Rome, do not be a Christian.

This is ridiculous.

We're trying to reach a verdict here,
not discussing nervous manifestations.

I think we could ask the usher for some
tea.

Mr. Ling, would you mind repeating that?

Yeah. Yes, I understand. Look, if you
can see your way just this once, yeah?

Of course, no further, no further.

Now, look, Bob, while we're on, you must
come over to dinner one day.

Your free Sunday.

Oh, well, great, yeah, sure, lovely.

Joyce would love that, I know.

All right?

Yeah, thanks.

What a cruel man.

He's going to ring back in five minutes.

Oh, cheers, Dave. You want some advice?

Give it the old Bill. Let him sort it.

You haven't met Sergeant Soames, have
you?

Now, listen, if this all works out, I
want you to stay with Dave. Is that all

right? Harry!

No, don't argue. I just want you to stay
here.

But ask yourself this.

Can we, dare we, do that here?

In the very nucleus, the heart of
British justice.

The jury room.

I think not.

there is a fellow human being whose very
future hangs on our decision.

Not to mention his old mum, who's
dependent on him.

It is frightening.

Frightening. But it is a challenge.

And I know you will all be with me when
I say it is a challenge we must not

shirk.

Oh, yeah, I'm looking for a man called
Roberts. I thought you looked at him.

Yes, he does, but he's not in at the
moment.

Well, that's an improvement anyway,
isn't it? Oh, this is getting quite

impossible. It is time I'm getting back
to my shop.

Oh, really? I mean, I've got six for
dinner. It's terrible.

No.

No, I can't, Dave. I can't do that.

Yes, you can do.

Look, you can still make out the address
from the impression.

Sometimes even a minder needs minding.

I don't know.

Since you are unable to agree on a
verdict, the time has come for me to

you that the court will now accept a
majority verdict of not less than ten to

two.

I want a word with you two scumbags.

I'll feed the men once he's... Well,

yes, son.

You like hospital food?

Come on!

Honest, that's the address of one of the
blokes, honest.

Where did you get hold of this? Oh, for
Christ's sake, does it matter? They

tried to run Terry over.

For all I know, this could be another of
your little concoctions. Except this

time you can check it out.

There's another one in there.

Deb.

Oi, I haven't finished with you yet.
What a bet.

But are you sure?

I mean, isn't there some lurking iota of
doubt?

I mean, just a little one.

Look, I don't want to influence you. I
mean, it's you who have to live with

conscience, not me.

I am perfectly certain, thank you.

And you and your ridiculous rhetoric
will not make me change my mind, even if

sit here all night.

And that goes for me also.

And you, madam?

Yeah, what was she holding out? She
ain't hardly said a word since we

Madam? Oh, he's guilty, all right.

Tried to fog my Albert one of them
jackets, didn't he?

Good God, woman, are you saying you know
the defendant?

Yeah, lives in the next street, don't
he?

Always been a bit of a rogue as Johnny
Smith.

I told my Albert, I said, don't you have
anything to do with him? He'll only get

you into trouble.

There is a popular myth that handling
stolen property is somehow less serious

than theft, Smith.

It is not one that I subscribe to. If
there were no handlers, there would be

fewer thieves.

And yet here you are before this court
again, with an appalling record of

similar offences, having been found
guilty, quite properly, in my opinion,

counts one and two.

Is there anything you wish to say before
I pronounce sentence?

Does this mean, my lord, that I won't be
able to go camping with my mum next

year?

I know what you're thinking, Mr
Chisholm, but you are wrong.

I was with you from the off.

I stood alone in there.

It was 11 for a quitter when we started.

11! But I held out for justice.

I had to put up a terrible battle
against ignorance and prejudice.

I really did, Mr Chisholm. Leave me
alone, Arthur, please.

You must be feeling on top of the world,
eh? A bit of promotion, I shouldn't

wonder. Nice conviction under your belt?

Now, look, I do not want thanking.
Please don't think that. No, no, no. The

was guilty.

I could do no more.

Funny, isn't it? Here we are discussing
justice.

I wonder, would there be any chance of
you having a word with someone about my

bit of gear?

I mean, if I could just get... Look, I
know I went off before, Mr Chisholm, but

that was the shock, you see.

Mr Chisholm, please, look, let me carry
your case. Please.

Bereft and bankrupt you've made me. I
only asked you to look after the shop,

keep an eye on things.

Look at it.

A desert where there was once an oasis.

I had a cotch of Italian custom -made
shoes there, imported from Taiwan.

Have you any idea what they stood me in?

Boots. Don't make jokes, Perry. Don't
make jokes.

This is no time for frivolous jollities.

And there, 64 boxes of the best scotch,
which, incidentally, have slightly

misleading labels.

So what do I tell them? Printer's error?

So soon, then?

I don't compound your gross dereliction
of duty by taking that attitude, my son.

You may be nearer to Mark than you
think.

I can get all this up before the
Industrial Compensations Board.

Don't talk so bleeding stupid, Harper.
You're forgetting I know a little about

the law.

Tragic loss of livelihood due to the
totally inept management of the duly

delegated officer of the company.

After I've had a few receipts printed to
cover myself, that is.

Boy, you.

Now, I have been beaten up. I've been
nearly fitted up.

So do you know what you can do with your
problems?

You can...

Right people, right time, just the wrong
location.

I've got a good idea.

Just you keep me near. I'll be so good
for you. I'm going

to help you.

Love you like you want me to I'll do
anything for you I'll be

so good for you I could be so good for
you I'll do it like you want me to Love

you like you want me to