Original subtitles

Take your crossfit feet off the chair now.

Hello, we have another gas bill.

Bayo, are you listening?

You have to pay or we'll get cut off.

We owe £500 and you have to pay at the end of the week.

£500? Are you real?

500 pounds, Lord have Jesus.

Look,

we have to take drastic action.

What are you doing? How do you switch off this thing?

Look, from now on, you will limit your cooking time to 15 minutes per meal.

is 15 minutes.

In fact...

We will cook on the wooden stove, the way they do back in the village at

Uderemo. No, Bayo, you start to complain that the meat is too hard. We'll cook

the normal way. But why must your food take so long to prepare?

Because this is Gladys' sexy kitchen.

Sexy kitchen?

I like it.

Gladys, how are we going to pay this money? I don't know, but you have to

the money. Find the money? Find the money? Where am I going to find 500

God please provide us with a breakthrough.

Father, provide us with a breakthrough in Jesus' name.

While you're there, pray for free gas.

Looking to earn some extra cash?

Have you got a spare bedroom?

Then we need you.

How about taking in some foreign exchange students?

You can earn up to £1 ,000 a week.

Terms and conditions apply.

Call 0800 231 561 for further details.

That was quick.

Thank you, Jesus.

Thank you, Lord.

Foreign exchange today with foreign exchange money.

Oh,

Tony, you are hopeless.

You'll never find someone on this online dating.

You're wrong. I've got a match.

Oh, it must be an error.

You see? I told you.

Hopeless. Fun case is gorgeous.

Look, come on.

That is true.

Tony,

I hope you didn't put up a picture of David Beckham instead of yourself.

No, I was very honest, actually. I just put up a normal picture of myself and

she showed interest.

There it is.

Really? And why is she interested in you?

She must be blind, stupid, mad, all of the above.

Well, she's mad enough to want to meet you tomorrow.

Funky, I'm nervous.

Tony, have we established that this is a real human being and not some sort of

catfish? Silly.

She's real and she's hot.

I can't wait, this woman.

Look at me. I'm overweight, overage and overly short. I'm over everything.

You are not overly rich.

True. I can't offer this woman anything.

Calm down.

Look here. I'll get you looking ten years younger.

Back to your prime.

That's awfully generous of you.

I'm a Nigerian.

Nothing good for nothing, you know.

All right, but I'm not paying unless you make me look like a hunter.

Yes, sir. Oh, of course, sir. Yes, sir. And we can expect the exchange student

tomorrow?

Very good. Yes, yes, yes. Tomorrow is fine.

1 ,000 pounds, you see.

Okay. Thank you very much. Thank you very much.

1 ,000 pounds.

My potato.

Toby!

Sade! Come here right now. We have a family meeting.

In the moment of crisis, the wise build bridges, the foolish build

dams.

Huh?

What I'm trying to say is that, you know, we've been having some money

difficulties. You don't say.

Toby, zip it.

So your mum and I have been working on a solution.

And as from tomorrow, we will be having a new addition to our family.

Oh, my God.

Is Mum pregnant?

Toby, don't be silly.

When they reach a certain age, they can't even have children anymore.

I love the fact that you're both talking about me as if I'm not here.

So, as from tomorrow, we will be having a foreign exchange student

living here.

Her name is Michelle, and she is French.

And where is Michelle going to sleep? In your room.

But I've only got one bed. You sleep on the floor. On the floor? Yes.

But this is unfair.

You all should have moved into a junior congregation.

For once, you are making a sacrifice for the family.

Now,

as this student is coming tomorrow, we have to make the place very clean and

presentable. Dust free.

Cockroach free. Shut up. We have work to do.

Come on, Shadi, let's go and sort out your bedroom.

Didi, now, come on.

So, Dad, have you got any pictures of this Michelle? I mean, I want to see if

she's hot.

Son,

get those thoughts out of your head.

Michelle has come to England to study, and you must learn from her.

Trust me, Dad, I'll be learning from her, all right? You'll be learning from

hand if you don't stop talking rubbish. My boyfriend won't clean your room.

Rubbish.

No sense of ingredients.

Ah!

For every problem, there is a solution.

And me, Banyo Adebanjo, is a problem solver.

Exchange student, £1 ,000.

£500 to gas, £500 to my new car and a holiday in Alicante.

How long was I that time?

I forgot to set the timer. Oh, this is ridiculous.

That's the third time you forgot.

I could have run a marathon by now.

Me too.

I'm running a Nollywood movie marathon.

Tony, let me finish watching my R &D.

Funke, you're supposed to be helping me. Right now you are failing as my

personal trainer.

What do you mean?

Personal trainers train people.

They're supposed to run with them, time them. You're just sitting here watching

films. Does the student teach the teacher?

How dare you challenge my authority?

Now, drop down and give me 20.

But, Fonte... I said drop down and give me 20 push -ups.

One.

Maybe you should go back to the films You

want a woman but you do not want to be fixed now

get up and let's do it again

Come on, come on, guys. Come on, come on, finish up. Come on, come on, come

Eh, Shadi, put this hoover away.

Gladdy, are you done with the dusting? Abba!

Eh, Toby, where's my beret? You say that. Oh, okay, thank you.

By the way, isn't this all a bit too much?

Not when you see the bills that we have to pay.

Okay, let me do a clean check.

Uh, uh, Gladie, Gladie, there's a little bit of dust here.

Surely we can do better.

Bayo. Hmm?

If you say anything more about my clinic, I will shove that beret right up

the sun does not shine.

That's right, Mom.

Love to see that. Okay, okay, okay, Gladie, you're doing a good job.

Uh, Toby, where's the banner? Oh, shit. Bring it out. Shove, shove.

Fantastico. Au revoir. Yes, it means hello in French. You see, I understand

French. Dad, au revoir, adios, au revoir.

It means goodbye.

Et donc?

Bonjour is hello.

So, should I get rid of it then? No, no, no. You know how much I paid for that

banner? We will use it when she leaves.

OK, everybody, who's here?

Come on, come on, come on. Let's make ourselves presentable.

Please, just open the door.

Hello.

I'm the exchange student.

Oh, you are a boy.

Yes, that's true.

But on the phone, they say you are Michelle.

Oui, Michelle.

I believe it is the French for Michael.

Michael.

You must be Sadea.

I will sleep in your room.

No. No.

Oui, oui. Avec moi. But they told me I will sleep in her room.

Sofa.

Sofa. Sofa.

But you will be very, very comfortable on the sofa.

And you will walk so far up to your room.

Oh, Michel, you're so funny.

Mayo, how did you not know that him, Shim Shim, was a man?

Is it my fault that the French cannot name their children properly?

We need to chuck him out.

Potato, this is my worst nightmare.

For years, I have tried to protect my daughter from this kind of men. Now I

bring one into my house to undo all of my hard work.

Not just his house, Bayo. Your Ibu suggested they stay in the same room.

You need to do something before it becomes a serious problem.

Look, I can't chuck him out. If I chuck him out, I lose the deposit.

And then we're back where we started.

No gas. All this stress is too much. Worse than your daughter getting with

Frenchman.

Whenever you come up with a plan, it's always back. Daddy, must you always be a

messenger of the past?

You know, they say that French is the language of love.

Oh, Michel.

You have that je ne sais quoi.

Look at that. Look at that. It's already started.

Oh, Michel.

Don't panic. Don't panic.

Look. I still keep the money, even if the student chooses to live of his own

free will. So we just have to make him equal to leave.

How are we going to do that? I have no idea.

But, Potato, mark my words, we shall see this man out of this house.

Operation Bonjour Michel has started.

Au revoir. Operation Au revoir Michel. Au revoir.

What is the matter with you?

Today's your big day.

You're supposed to be looking sharp and ready to go.

I'm lucky to be alive after the workout you've just given me. Did you not ask me

to be tough?

Yes. Then you have yourself to blame.

So when am I going to see the effects of all this training then?

Maybe two or three weeks, you know.

My date's tonight.

Tony, was Rome built in a day?

All those years of eating Tony's special sandwich.

It will take long to drop off.

Anyway, that is just step one of the process.

Process? Yeah, the miracle makeover process.

So what's step two?

Stylist!

Funke, I can't afford a stylist.

You have to.

I used to live in New York.

I'm very warmer inside there.

Really?

You're lovely, Dad.

How are you guys doing?

Dad, this house is freezing.

Daddy can't feel my hands. I can't feel my face.

I can't feel anything.

How are you, Michelle?

Are you feeling too cold? You can always move to a warmer house. In fact, we

won't be offended.

You can go now. Go, go. No, thank you. No, thank you. I love this cold.

I love this cold.

In fact, this is not cold enough.

I'm from the south of France.

It's too warm there.

Sade, shall I warm you up?

Okay, okay.

I will turn the heating off full blast. Yeah, finally.

Maybe not full blast. I have to think of the cash bill.

Oh, I'm not going to get rid of this boy.

Okay, plan B.

Vladdy, bring in the pepper soup.

Thank you.

Nigeria pepper soup.

Enjoy.

I can't breathe.

Water.

It's okay.

It's okay.

I'm here for you. Hey, make room.

All right.

I can't breathe.

It was too hot.

Look at what

you've done.

Instead of him, you're driving him away. You've driven them together.

You've made them even closer after the perpetrative incident.

Look at him. He's over there comforting her.

I hope you have a plan, Theo. I'm working on it. I'm working on it.

We should not take a financial hit and ask him to leave. I can't do that. What

about the gas bill?

Oh, OK, then. I will.

No, no, no.

Don't worry. I will find a way and talk to him man to man.

Man to man. OK, then.

I'll be right back, Michelle.

Would you like any sweets from the shop?

No. You are sweet enough for me.

I'm just being hospitable.

Michel.

Oh.

Miguel.

I see that you and my daughter, you have been getting along well.

Yes, yes.

She's, uh, she's amazing, huh?

Mm. Oof. Oof.

Magnificent. Ah.

What's wrong?

Your feet.

My feet? What's wrong with them? They smell like... You don't like the smell?

No.

No,

no, no.

Stay away, please. Stay away, please. I have a big phobia of feet.

Really? You don't like them? Reminds me of a French cheese.

No, I can't.

Are you going? I'm sorry.

It reminds me of childhood.

But don't go.

Miguel,

don't go.

You cannot go.

You mean you got him to leave?

Potato, when I tell you I want to do something, consider it done.

My big chocolate bag.

My potato.

Where did Michel go?

Ah, Michel has left the building.

Mon Dieu.

Au revoir.

Oh, mon Dieu.

The

South

London Elvis.

That is what I'm talking about.

Yes, Funke has created another masterpiece.

Funke, are you sure about this? I feel a bit stupid.

I'd much rather be myself in my Hawaiian shirt.

Yourself has kept you single for too long.

Oh, my God, she's here.

Good luck.

Hi. Hi.

I'm looking for Tony.

Look no further.

I'm Tony.

I'm the real Tony.

You look nothing like the online version.

This has been a mistake. No, it hasn't.

Yes, it has.

I'm here to meet the caring, lovable, charming Tony.

Not some strange orange Elvis impersonator with a terrible wig.

I want to date you for you, the real Tony. Not some made -up version.

But I'm the real Tony, honest.

Sorry. Gotta go.

Please, I am Tony.

I am the fat, cuddly Tony. I don't even like Elvis.

Tony, it seems like Beth has left the building.

Should I check into a heartbreak hotel?

This is your fault, Funcake.

Tony, you don't have to listen to me.

You owe me money. You what?

Yeah, for the miracle breakover.

Tony,

this is 419. 419!

That was great.

We know.

Hey, we know. We know.

We know.

No, Bayo, we'll cook the normal way.

Sorry.

Solution to problem.

A problem solver is Bayo Adebanjo. 500 pounds, 1 ,000 pounds.

Pantalone.

Enrique, where are you going tomorrow?

Toby, where's my beret?

Sugar. Where's the banner?

Look at that.

Look out. Look, look.

Auntie,

we've been out all day.

You're going to have to tell her. She's going to find out eventually.

You're leaving soon, Daniel. You haven't even touched your coffee.

Daniel.

Sorry.

You will be very very comfortable on the sofa and you will walk so far to your

room.