All language subtitles for meet_the_adebanjos_s03e09_funkes_lost_it

Take your crossfit feet off the chair
now.

Hello, we have another gas bill.

Bayo, are you listening?

You have to pay or we'll get cut off.

We owe £500 and you have to pay at the
end of the week.

£500? Are you real?

500 pounds, Lord have Jesus.

Look,

we have to take drastic action.

What are you doing? How do you switch
off this thing?

Look, from now on, you will limit your
cooking time to 15 minutes per meal.

is 15 minutes.

In fact...

We will cook on the wooden stove, the
way they do back in the village at

Uderemo. No, Bayo, you start to complain
that the meat is too hard. We'll cook

the normal way. But why must your food
take so long to prepare?

Because this is Gladys' sexy kitchen.

Sexy kitchen?

I like it.

Gladys, how are we going to pay this
money? I don't know, but you have to

the money. Find the money? Find the
money? Where am I going to find 500

God please provide us with a
breakthrough.

Father, provide us with a breakthrough
in Jesus' name.

While you're there, pray for free gas.

Looking to earn some extra cash?

Have you got a spare bedroom?

Then we need you.

How about taking in some foreign
exchange students?

You can earn up to £1 ,000 a week.

Terms and conditions apply.

Call 0800 231 561 for further details.

That was quick.

Thank you, Jesus.

Thank you, Lord.

Foreign exchange today with foreign
exchange money.

Oh,

Tony, you are hopeless.

You'll never find someone on this online
dating.

You're wrong. I've got a match.

Oh, it must be an error.

You see? I told you.

Hopeless. Fun case is gorgeous.

Look, come on.

That is true.

Tony,

I hope you didn't put up a picture of
David Beckham instead of yourself.

No, I was very honest, actually. I just
put up a normal picture of myself and

she showed interest.

There it is.

Really? And why is she interested in
you?

She must be blind, stupid, mad, all of
the above.

Well, she's mad enough to want to meet
you tomorrow.

Funky, I'm nervous.

Tony, have we established that this is a
real human being and not some sort of

catfish? Silly.

She's real and she's hot.

I can't wait, this woman.

Look at me. I'm overweight, overage and
overly short. I'm over everything.

You are not overly rich.

True. I can't offer this woman anything.

Calm down.

Look here. I'll get you looking ten
years younger.

Back to your prime.

That's awfully generous of you.

I'm a Nigerian.

Nothing good for nothing, you know.

All right, but I'm not paying unless you
make me look like a hunter.

Yes, sir. Oh, of course, sir. Yes, sir.
And we can expect the exchange student

tomorrow?

Very good. Yes, yes, yes. Tomorrow is
fine.

1 ,000 pounds, you see.

Okay. Thank you very much. Thank you
very much.

1 ,000 pounds.

My potato.

Toby!

Sade! Come here right now. We have a
family meeting.

In the moment of crisis, the wise build
bridges, the foolish build

dams.

Huh?

What I'm trying to say is that, you
know, we've been having some money

difficulties. You don't say.

Toby, zip it.

So your mum and I have been working on a
solution.

And as from tomorrow, we will be having
a new addition to our family.

Oh, my God.

Is Mum pregnant?

Toby, don't be silly.

When they reach a certain age, they
can't even have children anymore.

I love the fact that you're both talking
about me as if I'm not here.

So, as from tomorrow, we will be having
a foreign exchange student

living here.

Her name is Michelle, and she is French.

And where is Michelle going to sleep? In
your room.

But I've only got one bed. You sleep on
the floor. On the floor? Yes.

But this is unfair.

You all should have moved into a junior
congregation.

For once, you are making a sacrifice for
the family.

Now,

as this student is coming tomorrow, we
have to make the place very clean and

presentable. Dust free.

Cockroach free. Shut up. We have work to
do.

Come on, Shadi, let's go and sort out
your bedroom.

Didi, now, come on.

So, Dad, have you got any pictures of
this Michelle? I mean, I want to see if

she's hot.

Son,

get those thoughts out of your head.

Michelle has come to England to study,
and you must learn from her.

Trust me, Dad, I'll be learning from
her, all right? You'll be learning from

hand if you don't stop talking rubbish.
My boyfriend won't clean your room.

Rubbish.

No sense of ingredients.

Ah!

For every problem, there is a solution.

And me, Banyo Adebanjo, is a problem
solver.

Exchange student, £1 ,000.

£500 to gas, £500 to my new car and a
holiday in Alicante.

How long was I that time?

I forgot to set the timer. Oh, this is
ridiculous.

That's the third time you forgot.

I could have run a marathon by now.

Me too.

I'm running a Nollywood movie marathon.

Tony, let me finish watching my R &D.

Funke, you're supposed to be helping me.
Right now you are failing as my

personal trainer.

What do you mean?

Personal trainers train people.

They're supposed to run with them, time
them. You're just sitting here watching

films. Does the student teach the
teacher?

How dare you challenge my authority?

Now, drop down and give me 20.

But, Fonte... I said drop down and give
me 20 push -ups.

One.

Maybe you should go back to the films
You

want a woman but you do not want to be
fixed now

get up and let's do it again

Come on, come on, guys. Come on, come
on, finish up. Come on, come on, come

Eh, Shadi, put this hoover away.

Gladdy, are you done with the dusting?
Abba!

Eh, Toby, where's my beret? You say
that. Oh, okay, thank you.

By the way, isn't this all a bit too
much?

Not when you see the bills that we have
to pay.

Okay, let me do a clean check.

Uh, uh, Gladie, Gladie, there's a little
bit of dust here.

Surely we can do better.

Bayo. Hmm?

If you say anything more about my
clinic, I will shove that beret right up

the sun does not shine.

That's right, Mom.

Love to see that. Okay, okay, okay,
Gladie, you're doing a good job.

Uh, Toby, where's the banner? Oh, shit.
Bring it out. Shove, shove.

Fantastico. Au revoir. Yes, it means
hello in French. You see, I understand

French. Dad, au revoir, adios, au
revoir.

It means goodbye.

Et donc?

Bonjour is hello.

So, should I get rid of it then? No, no,
no. You know how much I paid for that

banner? We will use it when she leaves.

OK, everybody, who's here?

Come on, come on, come on. Let's make
ourselves presentable.

Please, just open the door.

Hello.

I'm the exchange student.

Oh, you are a boy.

Yes, that's true.

But on the phone, they say you are
Michelle.

Oui, Michelle.

I believe it is the French for Michael.

Michael.

You must be Sadea.

I will sleep in your room.

No. No.

Oui, oui. Avec moi. But they told me I
will sleep in her room.

Sofa.

Sofa. Sofa.

But you will be very, very comfortable
on the sofa.

And you will walk so far up to your
room.

Oh, Michel, you're so funny.

Mayo, how did you not know that him,
Shim Shim, was a man?

Is it my fault that the French cannot
name their children properly?

We need to chuck him out.

Potato, this is my worst nightmare.

For years, I have tried to protect my
daughter from this kind of men. Now I

bring one into my house to undo all of
my hard work.

Not just his house, Bayo. Your Ibu
suggested they stay in the same room.

You need to do something before it
becomes a serious problem.

Look, I can't chuck him out. If I chuck
him out, I lose the deposit.

And then we're back where we started.

No gas. All this stress is too much.
Worse than your daughter getting with

Frenchman.

Whenever you come up with a plan, it's
always back. Daddy, must you always be a

messenger of the past?

You know, they say that French is the
language of love.

Oh, Michel.

You have that je ne sais quoi.

Look at that. Look at that. It's already
started.

Oh, Michel.

Don't panic. Don't panic.

Look. I still keep the money, even if
the student chooses to live of his own

free will. So we just have to make him
equal to leave.

How are we going to do that? I have no
idea.

But, Potato, mark my words, we shall see
this man out of this house.

Operation Bonjour Michel has started.

Au revoir. Operation Au revoir Michel.
Au revoir.

What is the matter with you?

Today's your big day.

You're supposed to be looking sharp and
ready to go.

I'm lucky to be alive after the workout
you've just given me. Did you not ask me

to be tough?

Yes. Then you have yourself to blame.

So when am I going to see the effects of
all this training then?

Maybe two or three weeks, you know.

My date's tonight.

Tony, was Rome built in a day?

All those years of eating Tony's special
sandwich.

It will take long to drop off.

Anyway, that is just step one of the
process.

Process? Yeah, the miracle makeover
process.

So what's step two?

Stylist!

Funke, I can't afford a stylist.

You have to.

I used to live in New York.

I'm very warmer inside there.

Really?

You're lovely, Dad.

How are you guys doing?

Dad, this house is freezing.

Daddy can't feel my hands. I can't feel
my face.

I can't feel anything.

How are you, Michelle?

Are you feeling too cold? You can always
move to a warmer house. In fact, we

won't be offended.

You can go now. Go, go. No, thank you.
No, thank you. I love this cold.

I love this cold.

In fact, this is not cold enough.

I'm from the south of France.

It's too warm there.

Sade, shall I warm you up?

Okay, okay.

I will turn the heating off full blast.
Yeah, finally.

Maybe not full blast. I have to think of
the cash bill.

Oh, I'm not going to get rid of this
boy.

Okay, plan B.

Vladdy, bring in the pepper soup.

Thank you.

Nigeria pepper soup.

Enjoy.

I can't breathe.

Water.

It's okay.

It's okay.

I'm here for you. Hey, make room.

All right.

I can't breathe.

It was too hot.

Look at what

you've done.

Instead of him, you're driving him away.
You've driven them together.

You've made them even closer after the
perpetrative incident.

Look at him. He's over there comforting
her.

I hope you have a plan, Theo. I'm
working on it. I'm working on it.

We should not take a financial hit and
ask him to leave. I can't do that. What

about the gas bill?

Oh, OK, then. I will.

No, no, no.

Don't worry. I will find a way and talk
to him man to man.

Man to man. OK, then.

I'll be right back, Michelle.

Would you like any sweets from the shop?

No. You are sweet enough for me.

I'm just being hospitable.

Michel.

Oh.

Miguel.

I see that you and my daughter, you have
been getting along well.

Yes, yes.

She's, uh, she's amazing, huh?

Mm. Oof. Oof.

Magnificent. Ah.

What's wrong?

Your feet.

My feet? What's wrong with them? They
smell like... You don't like the smell?

No.

No,

no, no.

Stay away, please. Stay away, please. I
have a big phobia of feet.

Really? You don't like them? Reminds me
of a French cheese.

No, I can't.

Are you going? I'm sorry.

It reminds me of childhood.

But don't go.

Miguel,

don't go.

You cannot go.

You mean you got him to leave?

Potato, when I tell you I want to do
something, consider it done.

My big chocolate bag.

My potato.

Where did Michel go?

Ah, Michel has left the building.

Mon Dieu.

Au revoir.

Oh, mon Dieu.

The

South

London Elvis.

That is what I'm talking about.

Yes, Funke has created another
masterpiece.

Funke, are you sure about this? I feel a
bit stupid.

I'd much rather be myself in my Hawaiian
shirt.

Yourself has kept you single for too
long.

Oh, my God, she's here.

Good luck.

Hi. Hi.

I'm looking for Tony.

Look no further.

I'm Tony.

I'm the real Tony.

You look nothing like the online
version.

This has been a mistake. No, it hasn't.

Yes, it has.

I'm here to meet the caring, lovable,
charming Tony.

Not some strange orange Elvis
impersonator with a terrible wig.

I want to date you for you, the real
Tony. Not some made -up version.

But I'm the real Tony, honest.

Sorry. Gotta go.

Please, I am Tony.

I am the fat, cuddly Tony. I don't even
like Elvis.

Tony, it seems like Beth has left the
building.

Should I check into a heartbreak hotel?

This is your fault, Funcake.

Tony, you don't have to listen to me.

You owe me money. You what?

Yeah, for the miracle breakover.

Tony,

this is 419. 419!

That was great.

We know.

Hey, we know. We know.

We know.

No, Bayo, we'll cook the normal way.

Sorry.

Solution to problem.

A problem solver is Bayo Adebanjo. 500
pounds, 1 ,000 pounds.

Pantalone.

Enrique, where are you going tomorrow?

Toby, where's my beret?

Sugar. Where's the banner?

Look at that.

Look out. Look, look.

Auntie,

we've been out all day.

You're going to have to tell her. She's
going to find out eventually.

You're leaving soon, Daniel. You haven't
even touched your coffee.

Daniel.

Sorry.

You will be very very comfortable on the
sofa and you will walk so far to your

room.