Original subtitles

Attack, attack.

No man, cross it. Attack, attack.

Oh, no, no, no, no. Yes, pass the ball. Enter the goal.

Goal, sir.

Goal, sir.

Boom. Yes.

Toby, are you enjoying it? Are you enjoying this?

Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you?

Toby,

don't worry.

Don't worry. Don't worry.

Leave me alone. There's still 15 minutes to go.

Guys, keep it down. I'm on the phone.

Yes.

I would love to win a date with the UK's next biggest thing, Delhi.

Yes.

Yes, Pastor Graham.

I'm not sure I can cook young porridge, but I've marinated the chicken.

Okay.

Shadi? Help me with these bags.

Yes, I think I should wear them.

Toby,

Kevin, can you help me?

Mum, two minutes, two minutes.

Bye, y 'all.

After the game.

Daddy,

do you want me to break my back?

Mum, I'm just about to win a date with Dele.

I'm not going to say it again.

Nothing to do with me, Mum.

Strike?

You can't go on strike.

Watch me.

Auntie Funke, I'm not going to do anything today. I'm just going to sit

relax, and enjoy myself.

Gladly, my sister.

I need a man.

The times are getting cold.

I need a man to warm my bones.

I need tender, loving care.

What about Funle?

He could not handle me. What about Funle?

He couldn't afford me.

What about daily?

Forget about that one.

Don't worry. I'm sure the Lord will provide.

The Lord is taking his time.

Log on now to www .donleynigerhouse .com. You'll hear it here first.

All these useless websites.

Just trying to steal money from desperate people.

Yeah, I know. Don't mind them.

Gladys, my sister, I have to leave you now.

I have important business to attend to. Don't you want to finish watching a

single Nigerian female desperately seeking husband part 12?

I am so tired of this night job.

Thank God for the breakfast.

Breakfast is in the kitchen. Oh, good. I'm starving.

Gladys?

Gladys, where is the breakfast?

It's on the table.

I can't find it. Food deprivation is not good for my blood pressure.

You better hurry up and start cooking then.

But Gladie. I told you, I am on strike.

for the Celebrity 78 competition.

You know the number. So call in if you want to win a hot date with Dele. Call

now and tell us why you should be the one.

Now, it's over to the traffic news.

Shadi.

Auntie, I'm busy.

And so what?

I have important business.

I have very important business to do.

Dad. Hmm? Where's breakfast? I wonder.

Your mom just left me all these ingredients to start cooking.

But you wait. I am going to make an ade banjo special.

Mom, where's my shirt?

It's over there.

It's not ironed. You can't wear it like this.

Toby, don't talk to your mother like that. Gladdy can't wear his shirt like

that.

Don't you have hands? You better put them to good use.

Dad.

Chicken,

green pepper, tuna, the whole thing, man.

Take your time. Save for every bite.

Oh, it's gross.

Manage it. Manage it.

What's that smell?

Are you cooking your shit?

Oh, my shirt.

Oh.

Oh, Mom.

You told me. I told you.

Take your nose and park it somewhere else.

Alright. Are you on a dating website?

I don't see any dating website here.

I was only trying to fix the laptop.

But I can see it.

It's right there.

Look.

LonelyNijaHeart .com It's not easy.

A big woman like me.

I need a lot of Love.

So sad.

Staying on the internet.

Shut up.

What do you know?

You this slimmy girl.

You wait till when you reach my age.

When you start expanding inside this here.

Then you will understand.

But auntie, all you're going to find is creeps and losers.

Creeps? Losers?

No.

Look. There's some good fine guys too.

Come and see.

Look at this, bubba. Is he not handsome?

Hmm.

Occupation. Accountant.

Location. Wembley.

Height. Four foot five.

I can work with that.

Next.

Look at this final.

Six foot five inches tall.

He's twenty -one.

He's a few years older than me.

That's definitely a no -no.

Okay, of course. What about this one?

Chris.

Good age.

Handsome.

Good job.

You see? I told you, Shadi. I'll find a good one. Let me see.

Click on more info.

Formerly known as Christina.

You've been on that site all day.

Shadi, I'm in love.

So am I.

With the UK's next big thing, Dele.

I've been trying to call for the past five days to win a date with him.

Shadi, this is not fantastic.

This is reality.

This wonderful man.

Oh, sweet sparkles 27.

I've stolen my heart.

Listen, listen to this romance.

Oh, when I see your nostrils, I can smell the fresh air.

That's not all.

He also wrote, I can't wait to massage the delicacy of your

feet.

I'm sure you two will get on like a house on fire.

Oh, Shadi.

I am meeting my sweetheart tomorrow.

He has insisted that I join him in his official manor in Holloway. Official

manor? He has over 20 rooms in his house. Oh, my God. He must be

loaded.

Shadi, can you say upgraded?

I have now upgraded myself.

I wouldn't find a guy like that.

Calm down.

It's not easy.

I have spent hours on the internet searching for a husband.

Now I think I am striking it lucky.

I hope your luck rubs off on me.

I don't think I can make it to the party tonight.

I'm sorry.

Okay. Bye -bye.

Dad. You are really enjoying yourself. Yes, sir.

Faisal.

Chocolate.

Food massage.

Let me die.

Please, leave me.

Am I not allowed to take it easy for a change?

I have to show them who is boss.

I like your style.

In fact, I love it.

Me too.

I have upbraided myself.

I have grown to be Mrs. Sweet Sparkle 27.

I don't have time for your crazy talk. Please, please, let me rest for a couple

of hours until I finish my strike.

You are really pulling the ass off.

You mean leg.

I need some sparkles.

Oh, Dad.

What did you put in that sandwich? I feel ill.

What is wrong with you? I'm fine. I'm fine.

When's mum getting back to normal?

I'm hungry.

Oh, that stubborn woman.

Toby, let this be a lesson to you.

Open your eyes well and learn.

Women of today are not what they used to be.

Now they're just so stubborn. You bring a woman over into this country?

She starts to earn a little money, then she begins to grow wings.

So, the secret is, never let a woman's head swell too big.

When she thinks she's the boss, that is the time to put her in her place.

Me.

Mark my words, your mother will be back. this kitchen cooking my food by the end

of the day.

All this talk about strike is nonsense.

What is this? London Underground?

Hello?

Mama Tolu?

That party tonight, I will definitely be there. Yes.

See you later.

Bye.

Before I go, I need to pack some supplies.

Aunty, are you sure about this?

What if he turns out to be a creep?

Or a psycho?

Or a murderer?

Shadi, I need to follow my heart.

For years, I've been waiting patiently.

I haven't heard such sweet words since my late husband.

May God rest his soul.

Auntie, you deserve it. You deserve to be happy.

And with 20 rooms in his house, I can sleep in three at a time. I am sure to

happy.

Yay!

I'm dying of hunger.

I am in pain.

Can somebody hear me in this house?

Dad, why are you shouting?

What do you mean, why am I shouting?

Anyways, has anyone called? I'm expecting a... Shadi, I am dying and

hungers.

OK. So what do you expect me to do?

Eh, you just stand there and keep watching.

My friend, get me some food, sharp, sharp. I need pounded yam.

Dad, I don't... how to cook pounded yam. Well, make something else for me.

Anything. Beans on toast.

Beans on what? Make me some proper food.

Oh. Oh.

Yeah.

Hello? Huh?

Huh? Look, I don't know what you are saying.

No, no, busy. Bye.

Gladys, where are you going?

I am dying here of hunger.

I am in pain. I have had to resort to Chardé cooking for me.

Well, enjoy.

I am going to Mama Tolu's 50th birthday party.

Don't wait up.

Isn't it a bit too late for a woman of your age to be going out?

Tonight, Bayo, I am my own boss.

After all, we women are too stubborn, aren't we? I am the head of this house.

And as the head of this house, I order that you must stop all this nonsense.

The Bible says that you must submit to me.

Dad, where did mum go?

That woman thinks she can do whatever she wants.

Did I hear the phone ring?

Oh, yeah, some radio station talking about some guy called Dele. I just hung

I don't have time for nonsense.

No, no, no.

I can't believe you hung up. This was my only chance to get a date with Dele.

I can't believe you.

Daddy, where are you going?

And what about my beans on toast?

I mean, this is 10 p .m.

Gladie, this is your husband calling you to find out where you are. You know

that this is 10 p .m. And this is the fifth time that I'm calling you.

Be unto this house of glory.

Deacon Michael, isn't it a little late for all this?

Brother, please call me Pastor.

The Lord has promoted me.

I've come to collect the Pastor Graham's cooler.

Brother Bayo, this place is a thief.

Pastor, Gladys is not around.

It's fine. I can wait.

If you want, I can pack the cooler myself.

There's no cooler.

Gladys is on strike and she has refused to cook.

Refused to cook?

Serious business.

No joke in matter.

But why didn't you tell me?

I think you need some counseling.

So, Pastor, that is the reason why she has refused to cook.

See, I will give you my advice.

You see, the problem of the matter.

It's you.

Pastor, I don't think you are hearing me well.

My brother, my ears are working.

I have been hearing you for 45 minutes.

See, a woman like Sister Gladys, who cooks such succulent jollof rice,

stew, puff puff, moi moi, has to be appreciated.

Pastor, I work hard to provide for this family.

And I think that is all the appreciation that she needs.

See, your wife is a God -fearing, excellent member of the church.

See, even me, I'm looking for my own Gladys.

The way I would just say, the way I would romance her, the way I would just

her, the way I would just make her.

You are very lucky to have her.

It seems you need to be more helpful.

Pastor, you are right.

I know. I should try and make more effort.

Maybe I should go and pick her up from the party.

Very good.

One last thing.

For the counselling.

What would be your pledge offering?

Woman, where have you been? Do you know what time it is?

Gladys, I cannot believe this. You have been drinking alcohol.

Don't talk nonsense, Bayo. I'm fine.

Gladys?

Gladie, that's your nose.

I'm coming.

Gladie.

Okay, Gladie.

Look, I get your point.

From now on, I am going to force those kids to be more helpful in this house.

I mean...

You don't have to go on strike.

You don't have to do everything.

I am going to make more effort.

I just want my wife back.

My potato.

What is all this?

Hi. here from MTA Radio to see Sade, our lucky winner of Celebrity Serenade.

Introducing Sade.

There was a

girl by the name of Sade Adebenjo

and she was the

with my daughter shut up oh boy take your little celebrity self and go to

wembley

Help me.

Aunty, I thought you were moving out.

Stop calling me.

Leave me alone.

Idiot. What happened? I thought you were moving out.

Yeah, Aunty, I thought you were moving in with Sweet Sparkle in his Holloway

mansion.

Holloway?

Holloway mansion?

You mean Holloway prison?

He was emailing me from cell number 1419W.

Look, I want a refund from this lonely night that has just come.

I've been a victim of identity fraud.

So, where are you going to stay? We have found paying tenants for your room.

Tell the person that they have to move.

Ah, Fuka is back.

I don't think you heard me. I said... paying tenants.

How do you expect family to pay rates?

Family? I see no resemblance.

Whether you like it or not, I am part of this family.