Original subtitles

Thank you.

Female, white, about 21.

She was conscious when she went into the water.

Probably suicide.

Well, she's not the girl I'm looking for, Adam.

About the right age.

Well, that's why I called you.

I thought she might be when they brought her in this morning.

Sorry to drag you down, Don.

Adam. Hmm?

Let me look at that girl again.

I thought you said she wasn't the one you were pired to find.

Well, she's not, but... That face.

I've seen it before.

Open it up again, Don.

You know her?

Carol Wilson.

Girl about town.

All the best places, best men.

A couple of months ago, she...

Dropped out of circulation. She didn't belong to just anybody anymore.

She belonged to one man.

Alec Ryan.

A swinging attorney.

Interesting, huh?

I said you've always heard about chickens. They do come home, don't they?

Oh, I read you, Joe. Listen, you forget about it.

I don't care if Alec Ryan did bum -rap you once and get your license suspended

for six months.

Man who has contempt for the law sooner or later has got to break it.

So far, no law's been broken.

By Alec Ryan or anybody else.

It was a girl who walked into the water, period.

Yeah, that's your story, Sergeant.

I say she was pushed.

Where?

Is that in Beverly?

Thanks, I'll try there.

The great jet -set mouthpiece isn't coming into his office these days.

The house in Palm Springs is buttoned up tight. No one there but a caretaker.

And the pad in Malibu is being rented by a vacationing evangelist. Yeah, well,

keep at it. If you do get a lead, call me. I'll be at the LAPD with Sergeant

Tobias.

Oh, thanks.

Uh, who's the client in this one?

Just so I'll know who to bill.

There's no client, Peggy. Purely a labor lob.

Uh, do you mind if I say something?

You're acting a little uptight.

Yeah, well, it's an uptight world, isn't it?

The Carol Wilson autopsy report.

Sorry, Joe, no marks on her.

She wasn't sauced, she was drowned, and in salt water about 11 last night.

Hey, Tom, what about this stuff under her fingernails?

Well, that's a variety of algae.

So she was struggling when she was in the water. Must have been grabbing for

something. Well, people can throw themselves in the water and change their

in midair. You know that.

Yeah. The girl who was pushed in can also put up a fight.

I'll get it.

Pathology lab.

Oh, hi, Peggy.

Yeah, he's here.

Yeah, Peggy.

Yeah, good, good. Yeah, thanks, Peg.

Alec Ryan, he's on his boat at the marina.

Thanks for everything.

Joe, listen, I know you'd love to bust Alec Ryan on a murder one. Okay, you

don't like him. I don't like him. Half the country doesn't like him. But

no scientific evidence of violence or foul play in Carol Wilson's death.

I think he murdered her.

There is no murder, Joe.

Is that what that lab full of instruments tell you? Yeah, instruments

personal grudge against Alec Ryan or anyone else.

Well, Adam, you stick to your instruments. Now, me, I don't fly by

I'm like those old barnstorming pilots who flew by the seat of their pants.

They're all dead, Joe.

Seat of their pants flew them right in the side of a mountain.

What a way to go.

Excuse me, miss.

Is Mr. Ryan around?

Alex,

someone to see you.

Mona, go practice, you crawl.

She practically lives in the water.

Sometimes I think she has gills.

How have you been, Mannix?

Getting by.

I hear that you've gone back to pursuing your dreary little profession.

A lot drearier when you're barred from pursuing.

We all stop at tow occasionally.

Or we're tripped.

Well, I hope you don't hold a grudge.

You were doing your thing, I was doing mine.

Only you did yours a little harder and dirtier.

Well, I assume you were snooping around on behalf of some client.

Something like that.

Are you claiming privilege, or are you telling me who it is?

The name is Carol Wilson.

Know her?

That one time we were quite close.

Why, is she in trouble?

Not now.

She's dead.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

Would you like something?

Coffee?

No, thanks.

Her body was washed up on shore this morning. She wasn't dressed for

Police figure may be suicide.

Maybe. How well did you know her?

Well, I suppose you'd find out sooner or later.

She got quite a bit of sun out here last summer.

And a certain amount of moonlight, too.

And after the summer?

I broke rule number one of the yachtsman's code.

Never introduce your girl to a man with a bigger boat.

When was that?

Six, eight weeks ago.

August. When in August?

Do you believe it? I didn't write it down.

And you haven't seen her since? No.

I don't know what else I can tell you about her. She was a beautiful girl.

Unfortunately, that was also her profession. Beautiful girl.

Who is the man who has the bigger boat?

A client. You claiming privilege, Counselor? It hardly falls under the

-client relationship.

It was the tycoon's tycoon, Warren Nichols.

You still his lawyer?

Mm -hmm.

Warren Nichols pays me an annual retainer in excess of $100 ,000.

Perhaps that doesn't give him the right to steal my girl, but it makes it an

awful lot easier to take.

Last night, I don't suppose you left your boat?

I had no reason to.

Go ahead, ask her.

Call her over. She can make it in ten seconds.

She's a fish.

is Mannix. I'm a private detective.

It's important I speak to Mr. Nichols.

Mr. Nichols is not at home.

Nowhere he can be reached.

And it's important that the new can be installed...

You're Mr. Mannix, as it

says outside.

Yes. I'm Brett Nichols.

You wouldn't by any chance be Mrs. Warren Nichols?

That's right.

I know your dogs.

Oh, uh, this is my secretary, Peggy Fair.

How do you do?

I think you can type up that letter now if you want, Peggy.

I guess I won't.

Please, sit down.

Interesting, isn't it?

That we should have so much in common.

We have.

Well, you've been trying to reach my husband and I'm here for the same

You mean your husband is missing?

I think so.

You don't know?

Well, he could know where he is. I don't.

I haven't heard from him in three days, and that's a new record.

A new record.

What was the old?

Is that important?

Is it important enough not to tell me?

Well, it might help if I knew your first name.

Mrs. Nichols, what has my first name got to do with anything?

Well, I mean, if we're going to talk about anything so personal as my

we...

We shouldn't be so formal.

It's Joe.

Well, Joe, Warren and I have been married ten years.

For the last nine years, we've been playing a little game.

You know, he's away a lot of the time, but he calls every night and tells me

where he is and what he's doing, and I pretend to believe him.

But you know he's lying.

Of course.

And he knows I know.

But that's the way the games play.

You must be worried about him.

Otherwise, you wouldn't be here.

Well, not exactly worried.

Curious.

This time he's been away three days, and he hasn't once phoned in his nightly

line.

I'd just like to know the reason.

What's funny?

You. Oh, not funny.

Unusual.

What's usual?

Well, when a woman comes in to tell me her man hasn't been home, she usually

acts pretty hysterical.

Well, I'm sorry I don't fit the usual pattern, Joe.

Oh, don't be sorry.

The one who carried on the loudest turned out to have put her husband in

incinerator.

You're wasting your time, Joe.

Warren didn't keep anything here but his out -of -season clothes and his third

-best razor.

Well, they've got to be business records someplace.

Not here.

Where's his office?

Haven't you ever heard the legend of Warren Nichols, billionaire hermit? No

office. I don't buy legends.

It's true.

And there's never anything in his pockets, Joe.

I've looked.

What happens if some of the troops want to get in touch with the man? Suppose

they have to have an answer real fast or, say, drop a couple of million

They talk to the man's attorney.

Alec Ryan.

What's this?

My picture.

Warren's idea of my picture.

A sentimental man, no?

It was my application for a job as a secretary.

A simple letter written by a simple girl just out of secretarial school.

That's how we met.

I came for an interview, and he gave me some letters to type. It was about seven

before I finished.

So he asked if I could stay overnight. He said he might have some more letters.

I said I couldn't possibly do that.

And he asked if it would make a difference if we were married.

I said yes.

So the man married you?

We flew to Yuma that night.

Romantic, isn't it?

You didn't really know him.

I knew he was good -looking, charming, with several hundred million dollars.

At those prices, I figured whatever was wrong, I could change.

And I did.

I changed.

Would you like a drink?

Why don't you drink on the job?

My job is being Mrs.

Warren Nichols, and drinking is permitted.

Almost compulsory.

Do you know about your husband and Carol Wilson?

And the one before her?

And the one before her?

Or should I go on?

Yes, this is Miss Warren Nichols.

Yes, put him on.

It's the police, Sergeant Tobias.

Yes?

Thank you, Sergeant.

Yes, right away.

You might be interested.

They found Warren.

You all right?

Don't mind me.

I cry at parades.

Look, why don't you wait out in the car? I want to talk to Sergeant Tobias for a

minute.

Thanks.

How'd you find him, Adam?

Service station down the hill.

Nichols had his car picked up for servicing on Monday. He wanted it back

hurry.

I've been trying to get somebody up here to answer the phone for three days and

finally reported it.

Kind of washes up your theory, doesn't it, Joe?

Yeah, how?

Well, you've been leaning kind of hard on Alec Ryan.

Now it's a whole new ballgame.

Yeah, tell me.

Nichols was killed by a small -caliber weapon.

Fired at close range.

No sign of struggle. No forced entry into the house.

Conclusion? He was killed by somebody he knew.

Evidence?

Compact. Initial CW, as in Carol Wilson.

One hair, color red, found on a pillow and probably hers.

A big deal. Does that put her here in the house at the time it happened?

It's going to.

A. A hair removed from Carol Wilson's head after she drowned.

B. A hair found in Nichols Lodge.

All right, it's her hair. Now show me where it says Wednesday night.

Sure, Millie.

This hair taken from Carol Wilson is dark at the root.

So she dyed her hair.

No, she used henna.

There's a difference.

About $10. If you were married, you'd know that.

Henna doesn't penetrate the hair. It just coats the surface.

It fades and it has to be renewed.

This henna is quite fresh.

So far, I'm with you.

Her body was found Thursday morning.

She'd been dead about ten hours.

From those facts, plus the freshness of the henna, we know that she had a henna

treatment Wednesday afternoon.

I'm interested in Wednesday night.

Now, this was the hair found in Warren Nichols' happy hideaway.

It couldn't have been put there before late Wednesday because Carol only added

the henna Wednesday afternoon.

And it couldn't have been put there after Wednesday night because she died

Wednesday night.

In other words, she was there Wednesday night.

Thanks, Ellie.

Why fight it, Joe?

It's classic.

Lover's quarrel.

Girl shoots boy.

Finds out she can't get away with it.

Throws herself right in the ocean.

That's neat.

Neat. Pink ribbons.

I happen to be a square about these things, Adam. I don't get that warm,

feeling in here unless I've got the gun in my hand.

Now, where's the gun, Adam?

I'd say she had it with her when she drowned.

Now, that's beautiful. And you won't be able to find it unless you drag the

whole Pacific Ocean. Is that your cop -out? No.

No cop -out, Joe.

Tom, Mannix doesn't think we're pushing hard enough for the gun.

That so?

What do you got?

Well, according to the Coast Guard, the current Wednesday night ran west.

Maximum speed, four knots.

Now, the body was found here.

Now, she first entered the water somewhere inside this quarter circle.

Now, it's a big leap forward.

Don't let him bug you, Tom. Go on.

You remember the algae we found under her nails? Well, I checked with the

down at Scripps, and it turns out to be a parasitic marine growth.

Meaning what?

It grows on things.

Oh, thanks.

What sort of things?

Wood. Generally wood.

Old piers, pilings, sunken boats, driftwood.

There aren't any, uh... Wreck boats in here.

And if you're drowning, you don't claw at driftwood, you grab at it. So we

settle for piers.

Pilings.

Right here.

Paradise Cove.

got, Benji?

This one's got some striations on it.

Looks like someone's been grabbing.

Scrape off some samples.

Shelly, bring over the bucket.

Benji, take a look down below.

22 caliber automatic target pistol, serial number 25233.

Registered to Alec Ryan, attorney.

Well, Mr. Ryan?

Are you accusing me of something? I'm saying ballistics says a bullet from

gun killed Warren Nichols.

I've already discussed the matter in some detail with the police.

Well, in the interest of my client, Mrs. Warren Nichols, would you mind

discussing it with me?

Well, anything to oblige Brett.

I'm afraid I can't help very much.

As I told Sergeant Tobias, the gun was stolen some few months ago. I reported

the police at the time.

You can check the date. I did.

Stolen August 4th.

Now, that's when I discovered it was gone.

I remember using it around July the 10th, and then August the 4th, when I

to take a little target practice, it was gone.

In other words, the gun was stolen between those dates.

That seems fairly safe.

Of course, I'm no detective.

And Carol Wilson left you between those dates.

Didn't it occur to you that she might have taken a gun?

I was almost certain she had. It was a valuable gun. I assumed she'd stolen it.

That's funny.

You reported the theft as by persons unknown.

Well, I don't know how things are in your set, Maddox.

But in mind, if a friend, especially a lady, leaves you taking with her a book

she happened to be reading or even part of the silverware, it's not a matter for

the police.

This happened to be a gun.

Don't teach me the law.

What about yesterday? Why didn't you tell me then that she had taken it? You

couldn't have ruined her good name. She was dead.

I'm trying to think how it would have gone.

You came on my boat to tell me Carol was drowned. What did you want me to say?

Funny or drowning, she could have shot herself. She had my gun.

Or was I supposed to say if she's dead, she won't be needing my gun anymore? Can

I have it back?

Come off it, Mannix.

I had your license lifted once. That doesn't make me a murderer. You dislike

but it doesn't give you the right to put me in a gas chamber for something I

didn't do.

Didn't you?

This time, Mannix, if I get your license lifted, it'll be for good.

Why did she steal that gun?

She was leaving Alec Ryan to take up with Warren Nichols, but she swiped

gun. Why?

So if she ever wanted to kill Nichols, she'd have a weapon handy?

I don't believe it.

Drink your coffee.

That's another thing.

Where was the champagne?

Champagne? Yeah.

Did you ever see a picture of Alec Ryan without a glass of champagne in his

hand?

Parties, racetrack, fancy breakfast on his boat, always champagne.

Remember what they called him in that magazine feature last year?

Champagne Alec. You know what he was drinking on the boat both times I saw

What?

Coffee.

Look, why don't you just go right down to the grand jury?

I mean, you got an airtight case.

You caught him red -handed drinking a cup of coffee.

You know what I think?

I think Ryan knew Carol Wilson was dead, knew somebody would be out there to

question him, so he wanted to be sober.

As long as Mona Baby says Ryan never left that boat Wednesday night, that

him completely off the hook.

So why don't you just forget it? No.

Now, something's missing.

It just feels wrong.

Look, I'll see you later, huh?

Hey, what about your coffee?

Oh, uh, keep it for the grand jury.

But I've been a widow long enough, Joe. Will you dance with me?

A pleasure.

I haven't danced in eight years.

How about some fresh air?

I love fresh air.

As long as it has some bourbon in it.

Not exactly society's favorite watering place, is it?

Well, it's no country club.

That's why I like it here.

No one knows me here.

They don't say, uh, Brett, come on, join us. We'll talk.

Meaning, don't drink so much, Brett.

Or, uh, can we give you a left home, Brett?

Meaning, you're too smashed to navigate.

Or, don't you think you've had enough, Brett?

Meaning, you've had enough.

You don't think Carol Wilson killed my husband, do you?

All the evidence points to her, but... I can't figure a motive.

Maybe Warren was throwing her out.

He liked variety.

Girls like that don't kill men or throw them out. They find other men.

You were about to say something?

What about, uh... What about you and other men?

Are you investigating a murder, sir, or trying to get your face slapped?

Well, uh... Another man in love with you...

Would have had a motive.

Sorry.

No other men.

I was a faithful colleague.

Even when I found out I was never really going to have Warren, I... He was still

all I wanted.

Well, that brings us to business associates.

Oh, sure.

Any of them.

Any of them what?

Would have been delighted to kill him.

To do business with Warren was to hate him.

Did Alec Ryan hate him?

Probably.

Warren never took me into his confidences.

Not even in business matters.

You know what I've been thinking?

I was wondering what would have happened ten years ago if you advertised for a

secretary.

But it's too late now.

No, thanks.

I've got to get back to work.

You mean you haven't been working?

Not entirely.

No more questions?

Not now.

Well, I'll be here tomorrow night.

And you can shine a bright light in my eyes and shout at me if you like.

Goodnight.

I must say, you're pretty good.

Keeps me in shape.

For what?

The Olympics.

A lawyer friend of mine told me I don't have to talk to you.

It's about Wednesday night.

I thought Alec told you about that.

Are you sure you spent all of Wednesday on his boat?

Well, it's not the kind of thing a girl forgets.

Is it possible that he could have left the boat for a few hours, maybe, without

your knowing?

Frankly, I don't see how.

And you'd say the same thing under oath.

Well, I wouldn't exactly want the world to know, but yes, I would.

You know, Mona, they don't have swimming pools at women's prisons.

If you're lying, you could miss the next two Olympics.

Maybe three.

You'd better give it some thought.

That's five years for perjury, another five years for accessory to... To what,

Maddox?

We'll get something on, Mona. We'll do it at the Lange's.

Are you at the Olympics?

Let me put it this way, Maddox.

You threatened me, you threatened my girl.

But that's it, the end.

Finish.

Well, he's right, Joe. You've been asking for it. You won't use the radar.

You won't look at the instruments. Man, the seat of your pants is flying you

right into the mountain.

I know Ryan's girl was lying. No, you don't know.

You hate Ryan, so he's guilty. But the girl's his alibi, so she must be lying.

You don't know.

Okay, I feel.

You wish.

Oh, you think that's what it is, huh? You think I'm trying to pin a murder rap

on Ryan because he sticks in my craw?

They know you better than that. What do you think?

I think Carol Wilson killed Warren Nichols.

Jumped into the water.

Say I buy the idea of a double murder and a killer on the loose. Okay, okay.

I'm the cop on the job. I go looking for suspects.

But, Joe, I don't go looking for suspect number two or five or ten.

I go right to suspect number one.

Spell it out, do you mind?

You read the papers?

Yeah. How's this for a headline?

Wife kills husband, another woman.

Brett? Brett.

Mrs. Warren Nichols.

Have you questioned her, Joe?

Wife, husband, other woman.

Two people are dead.

Now, I still think the other woman did it, but if you don't buy that, isn't the

wife next in line?

Not this time.

Why not?

She inherits all his money, jealousy, greed. They've driven other people to

murder. Not Brett Nichols.

Why? Because she has nice eyes, good legs, a soft husky voice. I mean, she

smiles, you smile. All right, Adam, knock it off.

Have you questioned her? Of course I've talked to her.

Not talked.

Questioned. Did you ask her where she was Wednesday night?

Did you tell her the penalty for perjury?

Did you talk to her like a detective?

Mrs. Nichols? Mrs. Nichols? Mr. Mannix to see you.

Mrs. Nichols?

Mrs. Nichols?

This is Joe Mannix. I'm at 2020 El Cerrito Drive. Send out an emergency

Stomach pump, pull motor.

Attempted suicide.

Dear Joe, you would have found out anyway.

You wouldn't have wanted to ask me the terrible questions, and this will save

you the trouble.

I guess I'm not as hard -boiled as I once thought, or as you must have

till now.

I killed them both.

I know this doesn't square my account, but it makes things tidier.

I'm sorry.

Don't frame this letter.

Doctor, according to the books, anyone who's taken that many pills has already

been dead for some time. But she's still alive.

Is there any chance of her regaining consciousness soon?

I wouldn't count on anything.

But if we can squeak past the next eight hours, she's home.

Don't count on it, huh?

Not good.

It's hard to believe.

I spent a couple of hours with her late this afternoon.

The maid told me.

We had a lot to talk about.

The estate, the technicalities of moving it through probate.

But it was heavy going.

She was very shaken up by Warren's death.

Knowing how he treated her, that must seem pretty far out.

There it is.

Anyway, just before leaving her, I told her to take a pill.

had some sleep.

What I was concerned about was that she might decide to go for a drive.

And needless to say, by that time, she was thoroughly sourced.

Needless to say.

Joe? Adam?

I'm sorry, Joe.

You warned me.

Right into the side of the mountain.

Have you questioned her?

Have you talked to her like a detective?

What about those tests?

Well, no surprises.

Stomach samples and blood both show a high reading of alcohol and barbituric

acid. No surprises.

Just what any clean -living cop would expect of a Brett Nichols.

I'm not judging the lady, Joe.

You asked me about the test.

I'm sorry, Adam. It's just that I can't buy it.

Confession, two murders.

She did take an overdose of sleeping pills.

And I seriously doubt that even our great courtroom spellbinder, Mr. Alec

could persuade her to take her own life.

Well, then he tricked her.

How, Joe?

I talked to her doctor.

Knowing her history as a drinker, he made it very clear to her just how

dangerous it was to mix pills and liquor. And to his knowledge, she'd

overdose.

Is this the bottle her prescription was in? Yeah.

About to be refilled before February 20th.

Well, that's tomorrow.

At last, something we agree on.

Come on, are you missing a point, Adam? Listen, direction. One tablet at bedtime

for sleep.

You know how it is, Joe. Some people never believe in directions.

If Brett Nichols took one tablet every night and this prescription ran out

tomorrow, then she couldn't have had over two pills to take.

How do you know she didn't hoard them?

Oh, sure. She always knew she wanted to take her life one day. Come on now,

Adam. This is attempted murder.

Oh, how can it be?

Look, let's say that a good and sympathetic friend, like the family

suggests she takes a pill.

Just so Brett can unwind and go to sleep.

In combination with the amount of alcohol she'd ingested, she'd be flat

asleep in minutes. Right. But not dead.

And not in danger of dying. Right.

So she wouldn't feel a needle he used to inject a lethal dose of barbiturate,

would she?

Joe, the examining physician didn't find any puncture marks. Did he shave her

head to check under her fingernails?

All right.

We'll look.

Why would Ryan want to kill her? To clear himself of the first two murders

openers. He's never been charged with them. And Ryan's enough of a lawyer to

know that he probably never could be.

Well, he's also enough of a lawyer to know that if Brett Nichols lives to

protest his accounting of her husband's estate to the probate court, his motive

for killing Warren Nichols will be out in the open.

So your guess is Ryan killed Warren Nichols because Nichols caught him

There's no guesswork about it.

You don't have any proof. You don't have one shred of evidence.

What do you call it?

Navigation, Adam.

Seat of the pants navigation.

Now, if Brett Nichols dies...

I want the man who did it.

Mannix, won't you come in?

You're just in time for breakfast. A glass of champagne?

Some coffee.

Mona wins the blue ribbon when it comes to boiling water.

Thanks, I'll just pass.

Something wrong?

Brett Nichols, about an hour ago.

She never regained consciousness.

Oh, that's too bad.

Uh, probably just as well, all things considered.

Yeah.

Oh, uh, the hospital would like to check out some facts with you. Uh, next of

kin, previous illnesses, things like that.

Well, you were just about to shove off.

You suppose I could phone it in?

I don't see why not.

You know, I think I'll change my mind about that coffee if it's not too much

trouble.

I'll be right back. I can phone us at the head of the pier.

I guess I owe you an apology.

I guess you do.

You know, now that things have worked out the way they have, I'm glad you were

telling the truth.

Cream? Sugar?

Because if you weren't telling the truth, Mona... Well, look, let's just

play a game, I suppose.

Now, suppose Alec Ryan wasn't with you every beautiful minute of Wednesday

night. That he was with Warren Nichols. That he killed Nichols.

And that Carol Wilson walked in on him when he was tidying things up. So?

He bribed her with the only thing she understood, an annuity.

They then went to the pier to get rid of the gun, and all of a sudden, she found

herself in the water clawing for her life.

I'd say that annuity had a pretty quick payoff.

And let's suppose that Alec Ryan figured he was safe because nobody knew, but

Brett Nichols figured it out, so he had to kill her, too.

Of course, nothing like that ever happened, but if it had...

You'd be the only person in the world who knew.

A little Mona.

You know where that would leave you, Mona?

One day you'd be heading out to sea, just you and the man who killed Nichols,

and then killed two other people to cover up the crime.

You'd be the only person who could pin all three crimes on him.

Would you say something?

Oh, I'm sure you'd be safe for a while, I guess.

He wouldn't be in a hurry.

But one sunny day, you'd be on a boat heading out to sea, miles from anywhere.

Just you, the boat, a lot of water, and Alec Ryan.

And then maybe just Alec Ryan.

Tragic accident at sea. No witnesses.

Of course, the police might have their suspicions, but what can they prove?

People fall off of boats all the time.

It's up to you, Mona.

You gonna take that boat trip?

Maddox?

You lied to me. She's still alive.

Yeah, I know.

And if she pulls through, she'll be the second witness against you.

Where were you?

What are you talking about?

That night.

Wednesday. The night I said I was with you.

Thank you.

Only for a minute now. I'm against the whole idea, but she insisted. And when

she insists... Yeah, I know.

Joe?

Right here.

I'm sorry I caused you so much... inconvenience.

Always glad to be of service to a client.

Just how far does the manic service go?

Try me.

Could you kiss a client goodnight?

I call that service.

Joe, you're absolutely sure you couldn't use a secretary?

you