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1
00:00:18,982 --> 00:00:28,716
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
Resync for WEB-DL by lost0ne
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:31,937 --> 00:00:33,607
Oh, God.
3
00:00:35,110 --> 00:00:36,578
What's with the hat?
4
00:00:36,647 --> 00:00:38,382
Drew's getting ready
for Jenna's party,
5
00:00:38,449 --> 00:00:40,393
and he thought he'd have
a little fun at my expense.
6
00:00:40,487 --> 00:00:41,854
If you're so upset about it,
7
00:00:41,922 --> 00:00:43,523
why are you wagging your tail?
8
00:00:43,591 --> 00:00:45,059
Sarcastically, Ryan.
9
00:00:45,127 --> 00:00:47,663
If you don't take
this thing off me right now,
10
00:00:47,731 --> 00:00:49,399
I'm gonna give myself
dead possum breath
11
00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:50,500
and breathe in your face.
12
00:00:50,568 --> 00:00:51,970
You know what?
13
00:00:52,039 --> 00:00:54,073
I think you can
get it off yourself.
14
00:00:54,140 --> 00:00:55,474
Oh, Ryan, please!
15
00:00:55,542 --> 00:00:58,043
This elastic band is causing me
16
00:00:58,111 --> 00:00:59,679
unimaginable discomfort!
17
00:01:01,450 --> 00:01:05,322
Wait... I know how to do this.
18
00:01:07,420 --> 00:01:09,894
Did you see this
Evite that Drew sent out?
19
00:01:09,962 --> 00:01:11,163
Corn dogs and Sheboygan Lite?
20
00:01:11,230 --> 00:01:12,565
Yeah. So?
21
00:01:12,632 --> 00:01:14,100
This party sounds horrible.
22
00:01:14,167 --> 00:01:15,968
Does Drew actually think
Jenna's gonna like this?
23
00:01:16,037 --> 00:01:17,438
And plus,
the party's on Saturday
24
00:01:17,505 --> 00:01:18,745
and he just sent the Evite out.
25
00:01:18,774 --> 00:01:20,476
Look, we both know
26
00:01:20,544 --> 00:01:24,214
that Drew's not...
How did that even get there?
27
00:01:26,118 --> 00:01:28,352
Hey!
28
00:01:28,420 --> 00:01:30,088
Just getting some dinner
for me and Drew.
29
00:01:30,156 --> 00:01:33,365
Yeah, I just picked up
some dinner for... me.
30
00:01:33,485 --> 00:01:35,161
You're coming on
Saturday, right?
31
00:01:35,228 --> 00:01:37,663
Uh, I-I don't know
what you mean.
32
00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:39,131
I know about the party.
33
00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:40,933
Drew accidentally put me
on the Evite.
34
00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:42,468
Really? That's too bad.
That's okay.
35
00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:44,637
I know his heart's
in the right place,
36
00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:46,038
but I have to admit,
37
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,940
Drew's parties
aren't exactly...
38
00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:49,508
I just hope you can be there.
39
00:01:49,576 --> 00:01:50,976
Definitely.
40
00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:53,779
I knew she'd be bummed out.
41
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:55,648
Then I guess it's up
to Drew to make up
42
00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:57,183
for his shitty party
by hitting it later
43
00:01:57,251 --> 00:01:59,018
that night from the front,
human style.
44
00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:01,982
Can I have the business
section, please?
45
00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:05,459
Maybe I should say
something to Drew.
46
00:02:05,527 --> 00:02:07,962
Or at least get Jenna
a nice gift,
47
00:02:08,031 --> 00:02:09,698
something that
she'd actually want.
48
00:02:09,766 --> 00:02:11,600
Good luck.
49
00:02:11,668 --> 00:02:13,769
You'll have a hard time
beating Mr. Patel's gift.
50
00:02:13,837 --> 00:02:15,972
He gave her a sex collar
to put on Drew.
51
00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:17,307
A sex collar?
52
00:02:17,375 --> 00:02:19,443
That was a shock collar.
He gave it to Jenna
53
00:02:19,511 --> 00:02:21,446
to put on you because
he's sick of your barking.
54
00:02:21,514 --> 00:02:23,215
Really?
55
00:02:23,282 --> 00:02:25,651
Oh. That wasn't nice of him.
56
00:02:25,719 --> 00:02:27,921
What do you think
Jenna would want?
57
00:02:27,988 --> 00:02:30,591
Earrings? A sweater?
58
00:02:30,658 --> 00:02:33,060
Well, she's getting
up there in years.
59
00:02:33,128 --> 00:02:35,964
What about a book on how to
play bridge or a sewing kit?
60
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:38,300
Jenna's only turning 30.
That's not that old.
61
00:02:38,368 --> 00:02:39,635
Yes, it is.
62
00:02:39,703 --> 00:02:41,003
I'm, like, nine.
63
00:02:41,071 --> 00:02:42,439
I can't even imagine
turning 30.
64
00:02:42,506 --> 00:02:44,474
Every human year
is seven dog years.
65
00:02:44,542 --> 00:02:45,776
You're 63.
66
00:02:45,843 --> 00:02:49,680
Holy shit.
67
00:02:49,748 --> 00:02:50,982
I'm, like... old.
68
00:02:51,050 --> 00:02:52,617
Come on.
You've still got
69
00:02:52,685 --> 00:02:54,219
a lot of life ahead of you.
70
00:02:54,287 --> 00:02:55,787
This is terrible.
71
00:02:55,855 --> 00:02:59,358
That means I've got 42,
maybe 49 years left?
72
00:02:59,426 --> 00:03:00,793
And then after I'm gone,
73
00:03:00,861 --> 00:03:02,395
all the wondrous
things I've done:
74
00:03:02,463 --> 00:03:04,965
the adventures, the hijinks,
the naps in between...
75
00:03:05,033 --> 00:03:07,201
it'll all be forgotten.
76
00:03:07,269 --> 00:03:08,936
You'll live on, Wilfred.
77
00:03:09,004 --> 00:03:10,938
I'll tell my kids about you.
78
00:03:11,006 --> 00:03:12,306
I appreciate that, Ryan,
79
00:03:12,374 --> 00:03:13,854
but to have kids
you need to have sex.
80
00:03:16,044 --> 00:03:17,745
Hey, Ryan, see you tomorrow.
81
00:03:17,813 --> 00:03:19,180
Hey, um...
82
00:03:19,248 --> 00:03:21,049
about the surprise party,
83
00:03:21,117 --> 00:03:22,817
corn dogs and beer
sounds... awesome.
84
00:03:22,885 --> 00:03:25,187
Beyond awesome.
But I was thinking
85
00:03:25,254 --> 00:03:27,689
you know that gourmet
taco place that Jenna likes?
86
00:03:27,757 --> 00:03:30,425
What if I talked to them
about catering the party?
87
00:03:30,493 --> 00:03:32,294
You don't have
to do that, Ryan.
88
00:03:32,362 --> 00:03:34,282
You just being there
is the most important thing.
89
00:03:34,331 --> 00:03:35,698
Well, I'm sure you've got
your hands full
90
00:03:35,765 --> 00:03:37,266
with all the planning,
91
00:03:37,334 --> 00:03:39,235
and all I'd really do
is handle the food.
92
00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:41,704
Well, I've never really
been a taco guy.
93
00:03:41,772 --> 00:03:43,839
I don't speak Spanish, so...
94
00:03:45,876 --> 00:03:47,476
Oh, and you know what?
95
00:03:47,544 --> 00:03:49,712
My sister has a margarita
maker that I can borrow,
96
00:03:49,780 --> 00:03:51,647
so we can make it
sort of a Mexican theme.
97
00:03:51,715 --> 00:03:52,648
You wouldn't mind?
98
00:03:52,716 --> 00:03:53,749
Not at all.
99
00:03:53,817 --> 00:03:55,484
It's just tacos, right?
100
00:03:55,552 --> 00:03:57,953
So with the heat lamps,
if I decide tomorrow
101
00:03:58,021 --> 00:04:00,256
that we'll need them,
what's the additional fee
102
00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:01,357
to have them brought in
with the tables?
103
00:04:03,093 --> 00:04:06,163
Uh, sorry, can I call back
in, like, ten minutes?
104
00:04:06,230 --> 00:04:07,497
Why weren't you waiting for me
105
00:04:07,565 --> 00:04:09,366
in the driveway to help me?
106
00:04:09,434 --> 00:04:11,168
You're an hour early.
So?
107
00:04:13,805 --> 00:04:16,274
So, where's this new roommate
I've been hearing about?
108
00:04:16,341 --> 00:04:17,775
Um, she went to visit
her boyfriend.
109
00:04:17,843 --> 00:04:19,343
He lives up north.
Someone's cranky 'cause
110
00:04:19,410 --> 00:04:22,412
they missed their nap today,
Oh, I'm sort of busy
111
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:24,615
at the moment, but if you want
to put Joffrey down in the...
112
00:04:24,682 --> 00:04:26,749
I was talking about me.
I'm exhausted, Ryan.
113
00:04:26,817 --> 00:04:30,019
I was hoping you could watch him
for an hour while I take a nap.
114
00:04:31,955 --> 00:04:33,756
I looked in the mirror
115
00:04:33,824 --> 00:04:35,357
again this morning.
Guess what I found?
116
00:04:35,425 --> 00:04:40,195
8,867,322 gray hairs.
117
00:04:40,263 --> 00:04:43,632
Ryan, are you even
listening to me?
118
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:45,401
This is so obnoxious
of Kristen.
119
00:04:45,469 --> 00:04:47,269
I still have to call
the taco place
120
00:04:47,337 --> 00:04:48,771
and look at decorations.
121
00:04:48,839 --> 00:04:51,006
So you're organizing
Jenna's party now?
122
00:04:51,074 --> 00:04:54,277
No, I'm just trying to make sure
it's not a total disaster.
123
00:04:54,344 --> 00:04:57,280
Why do you care so much?
Because she's my friend
124
00:04:57,348 --> 00:04:59,108
and it's her 30th birthday--
it's a big deal.
125
00:04:59,116 --> 00:05:00,983
Oh, really?
Just a friend?
126
00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:02,818
I think we're past that by now.
127
00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:04,653
Ryan, you should
stop lying to yourself.
128
00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:06,621
Either roll the dice
and go for it,
129
00:05:06,689 --> 00:05:09,124
knowing that I will
bite off and eat your dick,
130
00:05:09,192 --> 00:05:10,525
or stop hanging
around with her.
131
00:05:10,593 --> 00:05:12,527
I mean, you can't be
friends with someone you...
132
00:05:12,595 --> 00:05:14,262
I'm not gonna do that,
133
00:05:14,330 --> 00:05:16,230
because I don't think of her
that way anymore, okay?
134
00:05:16,298 --> 00:05:17,331
If you say so.
135
00:05:17,399 --> 00:05:18,833
Look, if you're gonna stay here,
136
00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:20,501
can you at least help me
with Joffrey?
137
00:05:20,568 --> 00:05:22,703
Go in the diaper bag and get me
out one of his toys
138
00:05:22,771 --> 00:05:23,804
or a storybook or something.
139
00:05:23,872 --> 00:05:24,872
Oh, you want a story?
140
00:05:24,939 --> 00:05:26,306
Here's a story for you:
141
00:05:26,374 --> 00:05:28,175
It's called
"Ryan the Non-Carer."
142
00:05:28,243 --> 00:05:31,312
"Wilfred was contemplating
his ultimate demise,
143
00:05:31,379 --> 00:05:34,014
but his non-caring best friend
was completely ignoring him."
144
00:05:34,082 --> 00:05:35,749
No, let me tell you a story.
145
00:05:35,817 --> 00:05:36,951
It's called:
146
00:05:37,018 --> 00:05:40,388
"Wilfred the Annoying Dog."
147
00:05:40,456 --> 00:05:44,392
You know, some dogs
are good at Frisbee or loyalty,
148
00:05:44,460 --> 00:05:47,896
but the only thing Wilfred was
good at was being annoying.
149
00:05:47,964 --> 00:05:49,598
Like last week,
150
00:05:49,666 --> 00:05:52,167
when he threw Ryan's
cell phone into a pond
151
00:05:52,235 --> 00:05:54,002
and laughed and chanted "nerd"
152
00:05:54,070 --> 00:05:55,704
at him for 20 minutes straight.
153
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:56,939
Ryan?
154
00:05:57,007 --> 00:05:59,341
Kristen! I was, uh...
155
00:05:59,409 --> 00:06:02,144
I saw what you were doing.
156
00:06:02,212 --> 00:06:04,914
Making up a story for Joffrey?
157
00:06:04,981 --> 00:06:06,915
It was a little weird,
but it was good.
158
00:06:06,983 --> 00:06:08,784
I was just... goofing around.
159
00:06:08,852 --> 00:06:09,952
Well, Joffrey seemed to like it.
160
00:06:10,020 --> 00:06:10,953
It's better than this bullshit.
161
00:06:11,021 --> 00:06:13,322
Hop on Pop? Sick.
162
00:06:15,392 --> 00:06:19,161
God, I thought
she'd never leave.
163
00:06:19,229 --> 00:06:20,195
Did you steal Joffrey's books?
164
00:06:20,263 --> 00:06:23,365
Ryan, I finally figured it out.
165
00:06:23,433 --> 00:06:26,635
Babar, Clifford,
Arthur the Aardvark,
166
00:06:26,703 --> 00:06:28,904
that stank-ass old rabbit lady
from Goodnight Moon.
167
00:06:28,972 --> 00:06:31,006
What do all these
animals have in common?
168
00:06:31,074 --> 00:06:32,741
They have 20-page picture
books written about them?
169
00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,209
Biographies!
170
00:06:34,277 --> 00:06:36,078
Right now, millions of parents
171
00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:38,047
are reading them to their kids.
172
00:06:38,114 --> 00:06:39,982
They'll be doing it
for decades, centuries,
173
00:06:40,049 --> 00:06:41,850
till the end of time.
174
00:06:41,918 --> 00:06:43,452
Don't you get it?
175
00:06:43,519 --> 00:06:45,053
This will be my legacy.
176
00:06:45,121 --> 00:06:47,822
And you will help me write it.
177
00:06:47,890 --> 00:06:48,957
Can't you just
write it yourself?
178
00:06:49,024 --> 00:06:50,691
I already tried,
179
00:06:50,759 --> 00:06:53,027
but I couldn't
capture my essence
180
00:06:53,095 --> 00:06:55,729
the way a great admirer
like yourself could.
181
00:06:55,797 --> 00:06:58,732
Fine, I'll write your book
after I finish helping Drew.
182
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:01,501
No, no, no, no, the Muses are
speaking to me now, Ryan.
183
00:07:01,569 --> 00:07:02,736
I can't right now--
I just got
184
00:07:02,804 --> 00:07:04,371
a number for the mariachi band.
185
00:07:04,439 --> 00:07:05,959
I have to see if...
186
00:07:05,974 --> 00:07:07,708
You said you're doing this
for Jenna, right?
187
00:07:07,776 --> 00:07:09,176
Well, I'm doing this
for her, too.
188
00:07:09,244 --> 00:07:10,678
You're doing this
for your "legacy."
189
00:07:10,745 --> 00:07:12,313
I'm twice as old as her.
190
00:07:12,381 --> 00:07:15,683
After I'm gone,
she'll probably get another dog,
191
00:07:15,751 --> 00:07:18,987
and little by little,
she'll forget all about me.
192
00:07:19,055 --> 00:07:24,159
I want to give her something
to remember me by.
193
00:07:24,227 --> 00:07:27,029
I want this to be
my special gift to her.
194
00:07:27,097 --> 00:07:31,067
All right, we can do it,
but we have to do it fast.
195
00:07:31,134 --> 00:07:33,002
Oh, God!
What is that?
196
00:07:33,070 --> 00:07:33,900
Dead possum breath.
197
00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:35,386
Sorry. I wasn't sure
you'd say yes.
198
00:07:35,506 --> 00:07:37,307
I had to cover all bases.
199
00:07:44,534 --> 00:07:45,830
My biography--
200
00:07:45,950 --> 00:07:48,436
it's gotta be honest,
it's gotta be gritty,
201
00:07:48,504 --> 00:07:50,102
but it also has to
sing off the page;
202
00:07:50,222 --> 00:07:53,016
I'm talking Rikki-Tikki-Tavi
or early George.
203
00:07:53,136 --> 00:07:54,777
George?
Curious?
204
00:07:55,145 --> 00:07:57,547
Later George just wallows
in its own density.
205
00:07:57,615 --> 00:07:59,315
Something like,
206
00:07:59,383 --> 00:08:00,946
The Berenstain Bears Visitthe Dentist?
207
00:08:01,066 --> 00:08:03,019
Visit the Dentist
is beach reading.
208
00:08:03,086 --> 00:08:04,520
Sure, I'm along for the ride,
209
00:08:04,588 --> 00:08:06,388
but is it transcendent
in any way?
210
00:08:06,456 --> 00:08:09,658
Besides, it's totally
derivative of Aardvark.
211
00:08:09,726 --> 00:08:11,827
Why don't you tell me
some things about your life?
212
00:08:11,895 --> 00:08:14,096
Good idea.
213
00:08:14,164 --> 00:08:16,499
Let's start at the beginning.
214
00:08:16,566 --> 00:08:19,335
The day Jenna found me,
215
00:08:19,403 --> 00:08:22,138
I'd just run away
from my previous owner.
216
00:08:22,205 --> 00:08:24,139
It was February.
217
00:08:24,207 --> 00:08:26,241
I was homeless on the streets
218
00:08:26,309 --> 00:08:27,309
of Sturgeon Bay, Wisconsin.
219
00:08:27,377 --> 00:08:28,877
I was hungry.
220
00:08:28,945 --> 00:08:30,946
I was thirsty.
221
00:08:31,013 --> 00:08:32,881
Not a Snausage to my name.
222
00:08:32,949 --> 00:08:34,549
The wind against my face
223
00:08:34,617 --> 00:08:37,184
was like the cruel
whip of winter.
224
00:08:37,252 --> 00:08:38,952
Okay, I think I've got it.
225
00:08:39,020 --> 00:08:41,856
"Once upon a time,
there was a dog named Wilfred."
226
00:08:41,923 --> 00:08:46,226
Yeah, that's really good.
227
00:08:46,294 --> 00:08:50,692
So, if I remember correctly,
she took me to a pet store,
228
00:08:50,759 --> 00:08:55,223
and she bought some food,
some dog bowls, a few toys,
229
00:08:55,290 --> 00:08:58,425
and one of those tug ropes.
230
00:08:58,492 --> 00:09:02,661
It was white and...
beige, I think.
231
00:09:02,729 --> 00:09:04,963
Shit, this is starting
to sound lame, isn't it?
232
00:09:05,030 --> 00:09:07,098
It's your life.
It is what it is.
233
00:09:09,968 --> 00:09:12,870
And-And then a man
came into the pet store.
234
00:09:12,938 --> 00:09:15,571
He pulls out a gun,
he points it at the cashier,
235
00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:17,606
and he says, "Give me your
money, you stupid bitch!"
236
00:09:17,674 --> 00:09:18,974
That really happened?
Yeah.
237
00:09:19,042 --> 00:09:21,943
And so I run over there,
I bite him in the leg,
238
00:09:22,011 --> 00:09:24,051
I pull down his pants,
then pull down his underwear,
239
00:09:24,079 --> 00:09:25,980
and I say, "Who's the stupid
bitch now, huh?!"
240
00:09:26,047 --> 00:09:29,616
Which made the entire store,
like, heave with laughter.
241
00:09:29,684 --> 00:09:32,385
Why don't we just skip
to the things that you've done
242
00:09:32,453 --> 00:09:34,320
that you're the most proud of;
243
00:09:34,388 --> 00:09:36,823
the things that you really want
Jenna to remember about you?
244
00:09:36,890 --> 00:09:38,625
Okay.
245
00:09:38,692 --> 00:09:41,627
Well, obviously, I want her
to remember the days we spent
246
00:09:41,695 --> 00:09:44,096
walking in the beautiful woods
behind her house.
247
00:09:44,163 --> 00:09:46,230
That sounds nice.
248
00:09:46,298 --> 00:09:48,032
And how there was this family
249
00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:50,934
of deranged, inbred woodsmen
who lived deep in the forest.
250
00:09:51,002 --> 00:09:52,835
And one day, I overheard them
251
00:09:52,903 --> 00:09:54,804
talking about killing
Jenna's entire family
252
00:09:54,872 --> 00:09:56,973
so they could use their
skin as toilet paper.
253
00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:58,908
So, that night,
I tied them all up,
254
00:09:58,975 --> 00:10:01,577
and I arranged this one
woodsman's body so it looked
255
00:10:01,644 --> 00:10:04,279
like it was giving this other
woodsman head, which made all
256
00:10:04,347 --> 00:10:06,247
the other woodsman, like,
heave with laughter!
257
00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:07,815
You realize I'm the one
258
00:10:07,883 --> 00:10:09,750
that has to give this book
to Jenna, right?
259
00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,285
She's gonna think I'm the one
260
00:10:11,353 --> 00:10:13,020
who came up
with all this crazy shit.
261
00:10:13,087 --> 00:10:13,921
"Crazy shit"?!
262
00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:15,022
All I'm saying is,
263
00:10:15,089 --> 00:10:16,990
if you're gonna tell your story,
264
00:10:17,058 --> 00:10:18,525
tell the real story--
that's what Jenna would want.
265
00:10:18,593 --> 00:10:20,494
This is my real story, Ryan!
266
00:10:23,097 --> 00:10:24,497
Ah, it's the mariachi band.
267
00:10:24,565 --> 00:10:26,165
It can wait.
No, it can't wait.
268
00:10:26,233 --> 00:10:28,100
Plus, I have to meet
Drew in a half an hour.
269
00:10:28,168 --> 00:10:29,268
We're gonna have
to do this later.
270
00:10:29,336 --> 00:10:30,235
Later when?!
271
00:10:30,303 --> 00:10:32,204
I don't know. Tonight.
272
00:10:32,271 --> 00:10:34,139
Hello? Yes.
273
00:10:34,207 --> 00:10:36,908
You can't put genius on hold!
274
00:10:36,976 --> 00:10:40,678
Dude, the Muses are basically
all up on my nuts right now!
275
00:10:43,448 --> 00:10:45,248
Hey.
276
00:10:45,316 --> 00:10:46,783
Is Drew home yet?
277
00:10:46,851 --> 00:10:48,685
Uh, no, but he-he should
be back soon.
278
00:10:50,921 --> 00:10:52,122
Were you smoking?
279
00:10:52,189 --> 00:10:53,857
I quit seven years ago,
280
00:10:53,924 --> 00:10:57,526
but I've just been feeling
so anxious, so I...
281
00:10:57,594 --> 00:10:59,294
I know everyone turns 30.
282
00:10:59,362 --> 00:11:01,163
It's just another year.
283
00:11:01,230 --> 00:11:05,466
My life used to
feel so wide open...
284
00:11:05,534 --> 00:11:08,903
not that I'm unhappy
with the choices I've made...
285
00:11:08,971 --> 00:11:11,105
Never mind;
I'm just being dramatic.
286
00:11:11,172 --> 00:11:13,207
No, no, I-I get it.
287
00:11:13,274 --> 00:11:15,409
When I turned 30,
288
00:11:15,477 --> 00:11:17,310
I had a birthday
dinner planned,
289
00:11:17,378 --> 00:11:19,312
and at the last second,
290
00:11:19,380 --> 00:11:21,580
my dad made me go
into the office
291
00:11:21,648 --> 00:11:23,215
and spend the entire
night working.
292
00:11:23,282 --> 00:11:25,583
I remember thinking,
293
00:11:25,651 --> 00:11:27,485
"Is this gonna be
the rest of my life?"
294
00:11:27,553 --> 00:11:29,319
You know, when I was little,
295
00:11:29,387 --> 00:11:31,654
my mom used to yell out
at me in public, "Susab!"
296
00:11:31,722 --> 00:11:33,055
"Susab?"
297
00:11:33,123 --> 00:11:34,690
It's an acronym.
298
00:11:34,758 --> 00:11:35,991
"Stand Up Straight
And Breath mint."
299
00:11:36,059 --> 00:11:37,259
Oh!
300
00:11:37,327 --> 00:11:38,693
Hey, that's painful.
301
00:11:38,761 --> 00:11:40,761
You're not supposed to laugh.
302
00:11:40,829 --> 00:11:42,462
Oh, come on.
You've met my mom.
303
00:11:44,799 --> 00:11:47,834
Well, hopefully this party
will help cheer you up.
304
00:11:47,901 --> 00:11:50,303
Corn dogs and Sheboygan Lite?
305
00:11:50,371 --> 00:11:51,737
We'll see.
306
00:11:53,907 --> 00:11:55,640
So I'll pick up
the food tomorrow,
307
00:11:55,708 --> 00:11:56,941
bring the decorations,
308
00:11:57,009 --> 00:11:58,309
confirm with the mariachi band.
309
00:11:58,377 --> 00:11:59,710
Oh, I was thinking,
since a couple people
310
00:11:59,778 --> 00:12:01,011
are bringing their kids,
311
00:12:01,079 --> 00:12:02,646
maybe I could make
balloon animals.
312
00:12:02,714 --> 00:12:04,948
Or I could rent a bounce
house tomorrow morning.
313
00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:06,116
Yeah.
314
00:12:06,184 --> 00:12:07,484
Okay.
315
00:12:07,552 --> 00:12:08,952
Uh...
316
00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:10,854
that doesn't leave me
anything to do.
317
00:12:10,922 --> 00:12:13,190
You being at the party
is the most important thing.
318
00:12:13,258 --> 00:12:15,860
By the way, I'm worried
Jenna might be onto us.
319
00:12:15,927 --> 00:12:17,828
Should we move the party
to my place?
320
00:12:17,896 --> 00:12:19,764
You know, to be
more of a surprise?
321
00:12:23,803 --> 00:12:26,939
Listen, I've got
some great new ideas.
322
00:12:27,006 --> 00:12:29,641
The Muses have basically
been taking turns
323
00:12:29,709 --> 00:12:31,876
sitting on my face
for the last two hours.
324
00:12:31,944 --> 00:12:35,214
Well, first off,
I did some character designs.
325
00:12:35,281 --> 00:12:36,916
It's, you know,
it's also important to me
326
00:12:36,983 --> 00:12:39,051
that Jenna remember
my tender side.
327
00:12:39,119 --> 00:12:41,219
I'm a lover and a fighter.
328
00:12:41,287 --> 00:12:42,554
Is this a drawing
329
00:12:42,622 --> 00:12:43,989
of you and Bear?
330
00:12:44,057 --> 00:12:45,757
Okay, yeah, I did
give Bear two eyes.
331
00:12:45,825 --> 00:12:47,526
But it's how Bear would
want to be remembered.
332
00:12:47,594 --> 00:12:48,834
I know you want to
impress Jenna
333
00:12:48,865 --> 00:12:50,771
with your life story.
334
00:12:50,839 --> 00:12:52,241
But I can't help you
make this book,
335
00:12:52,309 --> 00:12:54,010
let alone give it
to her tomorrow,
336
00:12:54,078 --> 00:12:56,980
until you stop
deluding yourself.
337
00:12:57,048 --> 00:12:58,315
Deluding myself?
338
00:12:58,383 --> 00:12:59,750
What about you?
339
00:12:59,817 --> 00:13:01,318
"Oh, I'm only planning
Jenna's party
340
00:13:01,385 --> 00:13:04,021
because she's my 'friend'"?
Bullshit!
341
00:13:04,089 --> 00:13:05,790
Okay, even if I did like
Jenna more than a friend,
342
00:13:05,857 --> 00:13:07,325
which I don't,
343
00:13:07,393 --> 00:13:08,960
what would I have to gain
by helping Drew?
344
00:13:09,027 --> 00:13:10,261
He's gonna get all the credit.
345
00:13:10,328 --> 00:13:11,696
Well, as soon as Jenna sees
346
00:13:11,763 --> 00:13:13,198
that corn dogs
and Sheboygan Lite
347
00:13:13,266 --> 00:13:14,968
have transformed
into the perfect party,
348
00:13:15,035 --> 00:13:16,603
she's gonna know
you were behind it,
349
00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:18,038
and give you
a big, grateful hug,
350
00:13:18,106 --> 00:13:19,473
'cause you're her knight
in shining armor.
351
00:13:19,541 --> 00:13:20,741
That's crazy.
352
00:13:20,809 --> 00:13:22,075
You need to stop
lying to yourself,
353
00:13:22,143 --> 00:13:23,444
and either go for it
354
00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:24,745
or cut her out of your life.
355
00:13:24,813 --> 00:13:27,515
Wait! You can't walk
out on me now!
356
00:13:27,582 --> 00:13:28,616
You promised to help me finish
357
00:13:28,683 --> 00:13:30,751
my special gift for Jenna.
358
00:13:30,818 --> 00:13:32,052
I'm going to bed, Wilfred.
359
00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:33,487
Oh...
360
00:13:33,555 --> 00:13:34,595
You know... you know what?
361
00:13:34,656 --> 00:13:36,390
Maybe you're right.
362
00:13:36,457 --> 00:13:38,892
You're just trying to make
Jenna's party nice for her,
363
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:42,330
and, well... I'm sorry
for interfering.
364
00:13:42,397 --> 00:13:43,531
Really?
365
00:13:43,599 --> 00:13:44,932
Yeah.
366
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:47,735
Just make sure you let
a little pork chileta
367
00:13:47,803 --> 00:13:49,337
fall on the ground
for old Wilfred?
368
00:13:49,404 --> 00:13:50,871
Whatever. Sure.
369
00:14:05,084 --> 00:14:06,919
Good morning.
370
00:14:06,986 --> 00:14:08,654
Hope you had
a good night's sleep,
371
00:14:08,721 --> 00:14:10,923
because we've got a big day
of writing ahead of us.
372
00:14:10,990 --> 00:14:12,090
What?
373
00:14:15,261 --> 00:14:16,261
Is this your shock collar?
374
00:14:18,831 --> 00:14:19,864
Ah, ah, ah.
375
00:14:19,932 --> 00:14:20,898
Aah!
376
00:14:24,436 --> 00:14:26,603
Ready to get to work, mate?
377
00:14:32,592 --> 00:14:34,068
Jenna's party is starting.
378
00:14:34,188 --> 00:14:35,388
The guests are arriving,
379
00:14:35,456 --> 00:14:36,589
and I haven't done anything!
380
00:14:36,657 --> 00:14:37,791
I still have decorations
to put up,
381
00:14:37,858 --> 00:14:39,092
I have to pick up the food...
382
00:14:41,796 --> 00:14:43,731
That's probably Drew,
knocking for the 40th time.
383
00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:45,099
Okay, and now he's calling again.
384
00:14:45,166 --> 00:14:46,600
We're almost there.
385
00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:48,669
We're just stuck
on the ending, that's all.
386
00:14:48,737 --> 00:14:49,937
We've been stuck
on the ending all day!
387
00:14:50,005 --> 00:14:51,605
That's it.
I'm picking up.
388
00:14:51,673 --> 00:14:54,942
Ah! Goddamn it!
389
00:14:55,010 --> 00:14:56,377
Okay.
390
00:14:56,444 --> 00:14:57,945
Y-you want to figure
out the ending?
391
00:14:58,013 --> 00:14:59,447
Um...
392
00:14:59,514 --> 00:15:02,183
H-How about Wilfred
saves the planet
393
00:15:02,251 --> 00:15:03,518
from an alien invasion?
394
00:15:03,585 --> 00:15:05,486
I mean, yeah, I did do that.
395
00:15:05,554 --> 00:15:07,021
But I want the ending
396
00:15:07,089 --> 00:15:09,256
to have more punch,
more pizzazz...
397
00:15:09,324 --> 00:15:10,124
Surprise!
398
00:15:10,192 --> 00:15:11,792
Surprise! That's it.
399
00:15:11,860 --> 00:15:14,528
Every good story
has a surprise at the end.
400
00:15:14,596 --> 00:15:17,799
A-And I remember now.
401
00:15:17,867 --> 00:15:20,335
I didn't just save Earth,
I saved Jupiter and Pluto!
402
00:15:20,403 --> 00:15:22,637
Jupiter the planet,
Pluto the dog!
403
00:15:22,705 --> 00:15:24,339
That's it, Ryan.
That's the ending.
404
00:15:24,407 --> 00:15:26,441
Write it down.
405
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:31,112
Okay.
406
00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:32,981
Now can I go to the party?
Of course.
407
00:15:33,049 --> 00:15:34,449
We can both go.
408
00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:35,550
Hey, wait,
aren't you forgetting something?
409
00:15:35,618 --> 00:15:37,051
You're not gonna still
410
00:15:37,119 --> 00:15:38,853
make me give that book
to Jenna, are you?
411
00:15:38,921 --> 00:15:40,321
That story's totally insane.
412
00:15:40,389 --> 00:15:42,290
Well, it's her birthday today.
413
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:44,492
And this is my gift for her.
414
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:46,628
Ergo, you will give it to her.
415
00:15:48,097 --> 00:15:49,631
Ah!
416
00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:54,836
You look good.
417
00:15:54,904 --> 00:15:57,039
Gray is actually
a nice color on you.
418
00:15:57,106 --> 00:15:58,373
It really makes your eyes pop.
419
00:15:58,441 --> 00:16:00,008
I look like a freak.
420
00:16:00,076 --> 00:16:03,645
It's the only thing I had
that could cover the collar.
421
00:16:05,782 --> 00:16:06,615
Oh, God.
422
00:16:06,683 --> 00:16:07,916
There you are!
423
00:16:07,984 --> 00:16:09,117
Drew.
424
00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:11,386
I am so sorry.
425
00:16:11,454 --> 00:16:13,488
I had a nap at 4:00,
and the alarm didn't go off.
426
00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:14,422
That's no problem.
427
00:16:14,490 --> 00:16:15,823
I was just worried about you.
428
00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:18,426
By the way,
I am loving that t-neck.
429
00:16:18,494 --> 00:16:20,228
Anyway, as you can see,
430
00:16:20,296 --> 00:16:22,097
the party didn't turn out
exactly like we planned.
431
00:16:22,164 --> 00:16:25,200
Luckily, I'd already bought
the corn dogs and beer, so...
432
00:16:25,268 --> 00:16:26,668
we're good.
433
00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:28,570
Jenna is having a great time.
434
00:16:28,638 --> 00:16:29,918
You should go say
happy birthday.
435
00:16:29,973 --> 00:16:32,140
I couldn't agree more.
436
00:16:36,546 --> 00:16:37,813
Happy birthday.
437
00:16:37,881 --> 00:16:39,148
Thanks.
438
00:16:39,216 --> 00:16:40,137
Are you holding up okay?
439
00:16:40,150 --> 00:16:41,183
I'm fine.
440
00:16:41,251 --> 00:16:42,584
I mean, it's cool.
441
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:47,889
Are you okay?
442
00:16:47,957 --> 00:16:48,790
Yeah.
443
00:16:48,858 --> 00:16:50,158
What's that?
444
00:16:50,226 --> 00:16:53,161
Uh, it's a gift from Wilfred.
445
00:16:53,229 --> 00:16:56,265
Oh, that's cute.
446
00:16:56,332 --> 00:16:59,034
This is awesome, Ryan.
447
00:16:59,102 --> 00:17:01,403
I... it's-it's
a joke, really.
448
00:17:02,272 --> 00:17:04,039
Mmm...
449
00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:05,308
Although, it's definitely
450
00:17:05,375 --> 00:17:07,977
a-a way to remember Wilfred.
451
00:17:08,044 --> 00:17:11,046
And it's a kids' book, so you can
read it to your kids someday.
452
00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:12,881
Did you do this yourself?
453
00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:15,617
It was more Wilfred's idea.
454
00:17:16,919 --> 00:17:18,220
Hey, you know
what you should do?
455
00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:19,721
You should read this
to the kids right now!
456
00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:21,623
Oh, no, no...
457
00:17:21,691 --> 00:17:22,992
It's meant for children, right?
458
00:17:23,059 --> 00:17:24,593
That way, I can, you know,
459
00:17:24,661 --> 00:17:25,901
see it the way
it's meant to be.
460
00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:26,929
It'll be fun.
461
00:17:29,399 --> 00:17:32,168
Hey, everybody...
462
00:17:32,236 --> 00:17:33,836
it's story time.
463
00:17:33,904 --> 00:17:35,805
Yay!
464
00:17:38,142 --> 00:17:41,478
I-I'm gonna read you
a-a fun little tale
465
00:17:41,545 --> 00:17:44,681
called Wilfred the Amazing Dog.
466
00:17:51,689 --> 00:17:56,492
"Once upon a time,
there was a dog named Wilfred.
467
00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:59,496
"Wilfred wasn't the best dog
in the world.
468
00:17:59,563 --> 00:18:01,632
"He wasn't the bravest,
469
00:18:01,699 --> 00:18:03,100
"or the best-looking,
470
00:18:03,168 --> 00:18:05,002
"or the fastest,
or the smartest,
471
00:18:05,069 --> 00:18:07,137
"but he was good at one thing:
472
00:18:14,646 --> 00:18:17,948
"...loving his friend Jenna.
473
00:18:18,016 --> 00:18:21,185
"He loved Jenna
because she was his sunshine,
474
00:18:21,252 --> 00:18:24,955
the one person who could
turn clouds into blue skies."
475
00:18:32,063 --> 00:18:33,931
When did you write this?
476
00:18:33,999 --> 00:18:36,767
It was my original version,
before I asked you for help.
477
00:18:36,835 --> 00:18:39,737
I was thinking about it,
and I figured you were right.
478
00:18:39,805 --> 00:18:42,807
It was time to stop
deluding myself.
479
00:18:52,217 --> 00:18:53,484
That was incredible, Ryan.
480
00:18:56,021 --> 00:18:57,821
The best birthday gift
I've ever gotten.
481
00:19:02,159 --> 00:19:04,694
Jenna, there's something
I have to tell you.
482
00:19:07,131 --> 00:19:08,064
I...
483
00:19:10,935 --> 00:19:12,302
I'm not feeling that well.
484
00:19:12,370 --> 00:19:13,403
I-I think I'm gonna
go lie down.
485
00:19:13,471 --> 00:19:14,971
Really?
486
00:19:15,039 --> 00:19:16,573
Yeah. But...
487
00:19:16,641 --> 00:19:18,308
Drew should be bringing
the cake out soon.
488
00:19:18,376 --> 00:19:20,844
Go have fun.
489
00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:34,355
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
490
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:38,893
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
491
00:19:38,961 --> 00:19:44,999
♪ Happy birthday, dear Jenna ♪
492
00:19:45,067 --> 00:19:49,070
♪ Happy birthday to you. ♪
493
00:20:13,638 --> 00:20:15,205
It's gonna be hard, you know,
494
00:20:15,273 --> 00:20:17,924
taking a step back from
my friendship with Jenna.
495
00:20:18,044 --> 00:20:20,269
But... this is good.
496
00:20:20,389 --> 00:20:22,523
I can finally start
moving on with my life.
497
00:20:22,591 --> 00:20:24,125
I'm proud of you, Ryan.
498
00:20:24,192 --> 00:20:25,993
A lot of guys don't
have the willpower
499
00:20:26,061 --> 00:20:27,728
to suppress
their innermost feelings.
500
00:20:27,796 --> 00:20:29,096
Like those werewolves.
501
00:20:29,164 --> 00:20:30,798
Werewolves?
502
00:20:30,866 --> 00:20:32,665
You've never heard of
werewolves?
503
00:20:32,785 --> 00:20:35,502
Oh, Ryan, wait until you hear
about these creatures.
504
00:20:35,570 --> 00:20:37,804
They start off just like
normal guys,
505
00:20:37,872 --> 00:20:39,973
like, charming, handsome,
just... normal.
506
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:43,109
Then, once a month,
they magically transform
507
00:20:43,177 --> 00:20:46,691
into these evil, grotesque
humans for, like, 29 days.
508
00:20:48,183 --> 00:20:56,891
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
Resync for WEB-DL by lost0ne
www.addic7ed.com
36698
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