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1
00:00:00,191 --> 00:00:03,263
Sync & corrections by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:12,546
(Phone buzzes)
3
00:00:16,484 --> 00:00:18,651
It's time, Ryan.
4
00:00:18,652 --> 00:00:20,253
Time for what?
5
00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:23,290
We gotta get to the
Baker Street dog park.
6
00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:24,993
Jellybeans is throwing a party.
7
00:00:24,994 --> 00:00:27,095
Jellybeans? That golden
retriever you hate?
8
00:00:27,096 --> 00:00:28,897
Nah, Beans is my boy now!
9
00:00:28,898 --> 00:00:30,232
Say what you want about Beans,
10
00:00:30,233 --> 00:00:32,202
but dude knows how
to do it up right.
11
00:00:32,203 --> 00:00:33,438
There might even
be a sprinkler.
12
00:00:33,439 --> 00:00:35,408
(Phone buzzes)
Shit.
13
00:00:35,409 --> 00:00:37,741
Kristen's on her way over
to my house.
14
00:00:37,742 --> 00:00:40,108
I thought she was running
a brothel in India.
15
00:00:40,109 --> 00:00:41,742
It's a birthing clinic.
16
00:00:41,743 --> 00:00:43,812
Right, a brothel
supply company.
17
00:00:43,813 --> 00:00:45,180
Same difference.
18
00:00:45,181 --> 00:00:47,448
I don't know how
I'm gonna face her.
19
00:00:47,449 --> 00:00:49,150
How could I blackmail
my own sister?
20
00:00:49,151 --> 00:00:50,318
You also destroyed
her marriage,
21
00:00:50,319 --> 00:00:51,786
don't forget that.
22
00:00:51,787 --> 00:00:53,354
I think about it every day.
23
00:00:53,355 --> 00:00:55,624
What I did was despicable.
"Was."
24
00:00:55,625 --> 00:00:58,060
You sent that long
e-mail apology months ago.
25
00:00:58,061 --> 00:01:00,095
Get over it.
26
00:01:00,096 --> 00:01:02,790
Do you know how long
dogs feel guilty?
27
00:01:02,791 --> 00:01:04,415
Five seconds, then we move on.
28
00:01:04,416 --> 00:01:06,712
Where'd you get those glasses?
29
00:01:06,713 --> 00:01:09,114
You like 'em?
Beans got a pair a month ago
30
00:01:09,115 --> 00:01:11,049
and he's been snout-deep
in puss ever since.
31
00:01:11,050 --> 00:01:13,184
You stole them, didn't you?
32
00:01:17,989 --> 00:01:21,424
Sorry, Ryan. I shouldn't
have done that.
33
00:01:21,425 --> 00:01:23,260
I'm not proud of myself.
I guess I just...
34
00:01:23,261 --> 00:01:24,694
(Watch beeps)
35
00:01:24,695 --> 00:01:26,496
And... that's enough
of that.
36
00:01:27,999 --> 00:01:29,533
See? No more guilt.
37
00:01:31,603 --> 00:01:34,272
Jellybeans! I'm running
a bit late, dude,
38
00:01:34,273 --> 00:01:37,508
but I'm definitely gonna show.
Is the sprinkler still going?
39
00:01:37,509 --> 00:01:40,511
It's Wilfred.
40
00:01:40,512 --> 00:01:42,613
Wilfred Mueller.
41
00:01:42,614 --> 00:01:45,482
Come on, J-Beans,
you remember me, dawg!
44
00:01:49,153 --> 00:01:51,288
Wait, J-Beans!
45
00:01:53,859 --> 00:01:55,192
Dropped call.
46
00:01:55,193 --> 00:01:56,827
(Knocking)
47
00:01:56,828 --> 00:01:58,228
That's her.
48
00:01:58,229 --> 00:01:59,697
Behave.
49
00:02:04,335 --> 00:02:05,669
Sat sri akal!
50
00:02:05,670 --> 00:02:07,538
Hey, welcome back.
51
00:02:07,539 --> 00:02:08,906
Oh.
52
00:02:10,045 --> 00:02:12,242
Jesus, who gets fat in India?
53
00:02:12,243 --> 00:02:13,744
Wow, are you...?
54
00:02:13,745 --> 00:02:16,513
I am. In three months,
you'll be an uncle.
55
00:02:16,514 --> 00:02:18,613
Whoa, whoa! Is there a baby
in there? A human baby?
56
00:02:18,614 --> 00:02:20,850
No! She can't come in here!
Wilfred!
57
00:02:20,851 --> 00:02:23,052
Sat sri akal to you,
too, Wilfred.
58
00:02:23,053 --> 00:02:24,720
Um, just make yourself
comfortable,
59
00:02:24,721 --> 00:02:26,489
and I'll make us some tea.
60
00:02:26,490 --> 00:02:28,291
Wilfred, come on.
61
00:02:29,827 --> 00:02:31,327
What the hell's
gotten into you?
62
00:02:31,328 --> 00:02:33,263
What the hell's gotten
into you?
63
00:02:33,264 --> 00:02:34,598
How could you let that Trojan
horse into this house?
64
00:02:34,599 --> 00:02:36,667
Trojan horse?
65
00:02:36,668 --> 00:02:38,669
There's a war out there, Ryan.
66
00:02:38,670 --> 00:02:41,372
The war between dogs
and babies.
67
00:02:41,373 --> 00:02:43,440
And you brought it
to our doorstep.
68
00:02:43,441 --> 00:02:45,910
You're at war with
babies? Over what?
69
00:02:45,911 --> 00:02:48,146
Why do any great civilizations
go to war?
70
00:02:48,147 --> 00:02:50,414
To see who's cutest.
71
00:02:50,415 --> 00:02:52,116
Through the millennia,
72
00:02:52,117 --> 00:02:57,255
under the unseeing eyes
of mankind, we have done battle.
73
00:02:57,256 --> 00:02:59,891
The rivers have run red
with blood,
74
00:02:59,892 --> 00:03:02,994
and towers of mutilated
corpses have cast shadows
75
00:03:02,995 --> 00:03:06,064
upon entrail-laden battlefields.
76
00:03:06,065 --> 00:03:07,566
It was dogs versus babies,
77
00:03:07,567 --> 00:03:10,702
so it was still
pretty cute, but...
78
00:03:10,703 --> 00:03:12,437
So call a truce.
79
00:03:12,438 --> 00:03:14,073
Just take it easy on Kristen.
80
00:03:14,074 --> 00:03:15,975
Take it easy?
81
00:03:15,976 --> 00:03:17,743
Did those babies take it easy
82
00:03:17,744 --> 00:03:20,279
at the massacre on the border
of The Canine Cabana
83
00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:21,380
and Norma's Day Care?
84
00:03:25,219 --> 00:03:27,587
So, Dr. Ramos is
the father?
85
00:03:27,588 --> 00:03:30,390
Yeah. We realized we loved
each other in India.
86
00:03:30,391 --> 00:03:34,061
He flew back early and broke
things off with his wife.
87
00:03:34,062 --> 00:03:35,562
Sounds like things
are going really well.
88
00:03:35,563 --> 00:03:38,732
Blessings and peace
are upon me.
89
00:03:38,733 --> 00:03:41,802
Look, I don't know
if you got my e-mail,
90
00:03:41,803 --> 00:03:45,640
but I feel really terrible
about what I...
91
00:03:45,641 --> 00:03:47,975
Ksama.
What?
92
00:03:47,976 --> 00:03:50,845
Ksama, Ryan.
It means "forgiveness."
93
00:03:50,846 --> 00:03:54,249
It's one of the most sacred
words in the Hindu culture.
94
00:03:54,250 --> 00:03:57,385
(Exhales)
95
00:03:57,386 --> 00:03:58,819
Ksama.
96
00:03:58,820 --> 00:04:00,087
Okay, but I still...
97
00:04:00,088 --> 00:04:02,623
Ksama.
98
00:04:02,624 --> 00:04:05,493
Relax, little baby.
I'm cool.
99
00:04:05,494 --> 00:04:08,863
I'm just here to talk.
100
00:04:08,864 --> 00:04:13,702
Look, this war has gone on
far too long.
101
00:04:13,703 --> 00:04:15,437
Maybe it's time we
end this madness.
102
00:04:15,438 --> 00:04:18,840
I mean, how many babies' faces
need to get bitten?
103
00:04:18,841 --> 00:04:20,509
How many dogs' ears need
104
00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:22,110
to be played with
not gently enough?
105
00:04:22,111 --> 00:04:25,313
We can do something
great here, you and I.
106
00:04:25,314 --> 00:04:27,449
A change, a real change.
107
00:04:27,450 --> 00:04:29,684
I have never felt such a sense
of community...
108
00:04:29,685 --> 00:04:31,519
What, what?
109
00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:33,121
Do I have a spare "dikfor"?
110
00:04:33,122 --> 00:04:35,423
What's a dikfor?
What's a dikfor?
111
00:04:35,424 --> 00:04:37,893
India was life-changing.
112
00:04:37,894 --> 00:04:40,296
Ha-ha. You think you're cute?
This is war.
113
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,335
So, how-how was India?
114
00:04:45,336 --> 00:04:48,705
Were you not listening
to anything that I've just said?
115
00:04:48,706 --> 00:04:50,874
Sorry, I got distracted.
116
00:04:50,875 --> 00:04:53,376
That's okay.
117
00:04:53,377 --> 00:04:54,578
Ksama.
118
00:04:54,579 --> 00:04:57,047
I have to pee.
119
00:04:57,048 --> 00:04:58,148
Always have to pee.
120
00:05:00,184 --> 00:05:03,022
She's still mad at me.
What are you talking about?
121
00:05:03,023 --> 00:05:04,727
She just ksama'd the shit
out of you.
122
00:05:04,728 --> 00:05:06,896
Hey, what are you doing?
123
00:05:06,897 --> 00:05:08,665
Looking for an ultrasound.
124
00:05:08,666 --> 00:05:10,567
I need to know exactly
what I'm dealing with here.
125
00:05:10,568 --> 00:05:13,770
"Know your enemy."
Sun Tzu.
126
00:05:13,771 --> 00:05:16,239
Give me that.
127
00:05:18,943 --> 00:05:20,177
"Emergency Protective Order.
128
00:05:20,178 --> 00:05:22,546
Stalking."
129
00:05:22,547 --> 00:05:24,414
Wait. This is a restraining
order...
130
00:05:24,415 --> 00:05:25,716
from Arturo Ramos?
131
00:05:25,717 --> 00:05:27,584
Here we go.
132
00:05:27,585 --> 00:05:30,854
No Down Syndrome, no
spina bifida, no lobster hands.
133
00:05:30,855 --> 00:05:35,024
Jesus, this baby's gonna be
goddamn adorable.
134
00:05:35,025 --> 00:05:36,559
I can't believe this.
135
00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:38,828
Nothing she told me
about Arturo was true.
136
00:05:38,829 --> 00:05:40,296
So what?
That's her problem.
137
00:05:40,297 --> 00:05:42,532
Her problem, my fault.
138
00:05:42,533 --> 00:05:44,367
That's why she's lying to me,
139
00:05:44,368 --> 00:05:47,404
because I betrayed her
trust and ruined her life.
140
00:05:47,405 --> 00:05:50,073
I'm the worst brother ever.
141
00:05:50,074 --> 00:05:51,975
Worst brother ever?
142
00:05:51,976 --> 00:05:53,677
Did you ever convince
the other siblings
143
00:05:53,678 --> 00:05:55,378
in your litter to eat
your runt sister
144
00:05:55,379 --> 00:05:56,713
because she was born
with no eyes?
145
00:05:56,714 --> 00:05:58,515
'Cause I did that.
(Toilet flushes)
146
00:05:58,516 --> 00:06:01,118
I need to make this up to her.
An apology is not enough.
147
00:06:01,119 --> 00:06:03,621
As much as I love India,
148
00:06:03,622 --> 00:06:05,523
it's nice not to have
a swarm of insects
149
00:06:05,524 --> 00:06:07,024
trailing my ass
out of the bathroom.
150
00:06:07,025 --> 00:06:09,660
Hey, I was gonna ask you,
151
00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:11,596
Arturo just got us a condo
in Brentwood,
152
00:06:11,597 --> 00:06:13,531
and he's having
the kitchen redone,
153
00:06:13,532 --> 00:06:15,700
but all that construction noise
wouldn't be good for the baby.
154
00:06:15,701 --> 00:06:17,336
So, um, could I stay with you
a couple days?
155
00:06:17,337 --> 00:06:19,104
I mean, if it's not
too much trouble.
156
00:06:19,105 --> 00:06:20,773
Hell, no.
Sure.
157
00:06:20,774 --> 00:06:22,174
It'll give us a chance
to catch up.
158
00:06:22,175 --> 00:06:24,076
Ryan, what are you doing?!
Great.
159
00:06:24,077 --> 00:06:26,312
Well, I'll just grab
my bags from the rental car.
160
00:06:26,313 --> 00:06:28,414
Actually, maybe you should
grab 'em.
161
00:06:28,415 --> 00:06:30,716
Maybe you could also return
the rental car tonight?
162
00:06:30,717 --> 00:06:31,984
And pick me up some kale?
163
00:06:31,985 --> 00:06:33,586
Sure.
164
00:06:33,587 --> 00:06:36,155
I'm gonna lie down.
Mind if I use your room?
165
00:06:38,158 --> 00:06:40,693
What? All I did was agree
166
00:06:40,694 --> 00:06:42,728
to let my pregnant sister
stay with me.
167
00:06:42,729 --> 00:06:44,330
And do you feel better?
168
00:06:44,331 --> 00:06:47,133
Has your guilt been alleviated?
No.
169
00:06:47,134 --> 00:06:50,703
Because guilt doesn't go away
until you let it go.
170
00:06:50,704 --> 00:06:52,705
It just keeps piling up.
171
00:06:52,706 --> 00:06:55,174
Just like the brave,
dead soldiers
172
00:06:55,175 --> 00:06:57,544
at The Battle of Babies R Us
Parking Lot.
173
00:06:57,545 --> 00:06:59,046
You're just mad because
that baby's gonna take
174
00:06:59,047 --> 00:07:00,881
attention away from you.
175
00:07:00,882 --> 00:07:03,650
Oh, I don't think that's
gonna be a problem, Ryan.
176
00:07:03,651 --> 00:07:05,585
I know how to deal with a baby.
177
00:07:16,063 --> 00:07:18,532
This watermelon's
delicious, by the way.
178
00:07:24,987 --> 00:07:26,688
I was just reading
this study about this girl
179
00:07:26,689 --> 00:07:28,022
who had her dead,
parasitic twin's face
180
00:07:28,023 --> 00:07:30,025
embedded in her back.
181
00:07:30,026 --> 00:07:31,526
You should've seen the picture.
182
00:07:31,527 --> 00:07:34,763
Seriously, it looked
like it was smiling.
183
00:07:34,764 --> 00:07:36,598
Here, have a bite
of this squid taco.
184
00:07:36,599 --> 00:07:38,467
Funny, I'm not hungry anymore.
185
00:07:38,468 --> 00:07:40,469
You've never dated a scientist
before, have you?
186
00:07:40,470 --> 00:07:42,905
Nope. And if we're gonna
continue seeing each other,
187
00:07:42,906 --> 00:07:46,308
you need to promise to never
mention back-faces again.
188
00:07:46,309 --> 00:07:48,810
No deal.
189
00:07:48,811 --> 00:07:51,346
(Laughs) Come on.
I really want to kiss you,
190
00:07:51,347 --> 00:07:53,915
but I don't wanna be the
only one with squid breath.
191
00:07:53,916 --> 00:07:56,417
Okay.
Okay. On three, ready?
192
00:07:56,418 --> 00:08:00,654
One, two, three.
193
00:08:00,655 --> 00:08:03,156
Oh! You didn't eat it.
194
00:08:03,157 --> 00:08:05,125
I have a meeting.
But at least now
195
00:08:05,126 --> 00:08:07,160
I know you're not gonna be
kissing anyone else.
196
00:08:07,161 --> 00:08:09,663
Oh, yeah, perfect.
197
00:08:09,664 --> 00:08:12,166
(Phone rings)
198
00:08:12,167 --> 00:08:14,068
It's my sister.
199
00:08:14,069 --> 00:08:15,536
Okay. MythBusters marathon
this weekend?
200
00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:17,471
Confirmed.
201
00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:21,375
Hey, Kristen.
202
00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:22,977
You bought the wrong kale.
203
00:08:22,978 --> 00:08:24,746
There's a wrong kale?
204
00:08:24,747 --> 00:08:26,915
The curly leaf is the one
with all the B vitamins, but...
205
00:08:26,916 --> 00:08:29,217
it's fine... one day without it
won't curve the baby's spine.
206
00:08:29,218 --> 00:08:31,620
What are you doing, Wilfred?!
207
00:08:31,621 --> 00:08:32,955
Wilfred's with you?
208
00:08:32,956 --> 00:08:34,457
Yeah, he's been underfoot
all day.
209
00:08:34,458 --> 00:08:36,225
I almost tripped over him
at the top of the stairs.
210
00:08:37,695 --> 00:08:39,229
Put him on!
211
00:08:39,230 --> 00:08:42,799
Put him on?
Out. Put him outside.
212
00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:47,337
♪ One, two,
vacuum's coming for you ♪
213
00:08:47,338 --> 00:08:53,510
♪ Three, four, your mom
is an unwed whore... ♪
214
00:08:53,511 --> 00:08:54,745
I'm coming home.
215
00:08:54,746 --> 00:08:56,413
(Moaning)
216
00:08:56,414 --> 00:08:59,583
Oh, my God, Kristen,
are you okay?
217
00:08:59,584 --> 00:09:02,119
I was chanting!
What the hell is wrong with you?
218
00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:03,721
I thought something
was wrong with the baby.
219
00:09:03,722 --> 00:09:05,489
Ryan, getting upset
220
00:09:05,490 --> 00:09:07,324
at this point in my pregnancy
is dangerous for me.
221
00:09:07,325 --> 00:09:08,326
Sorry.
222
00:09:08,327 --> 00:09:09,894
Ksama!
223
00:09:09,895 --> 00:09:12,030
You know what?
I'm gonna go take a bath.
224
00:09:12,031 --> 00:09:13,198
Where do you keep your razor?
225
00:09:14,534 --> 00:09:16,569
Never mind. I'll find it.
226
00:09:16,570 --> 00:09:17,970
Hello, Ryan.
227
00:09:17,971 --> 00:09:19,605
Slow day at the office?
228
00:09:19,606 --> 00:09:21,841
Wilfred, you have to stop this!
I don't know
229
00:09:21,842 --> 00:09:23,209
what you're talking
about, mate.
230
00:09:23,210 --> 00:09:24,844
Last night you switched her
prenatal vitamins
231
00:09:24,845 --> 00:09:26,045
for morning-after pills.
232
00:09:26,046 --> 00:09:27,580
And then you...
233
00:09:27,581 --> 00:09:28,814
What are you doing?
234
00:09:28,815 --> 00:09:32,519
That ol' black magic... voodoo.
235
00:09:33,754 --> 00:09:36,890
It works, Ryan.
236
00:09:36,891 --> 00:09:38,258
Watch this.
237
00:09:44,465 --> 00:09:45,632
(Moaning)
238
00:09:48,169 --> 00:09:49,669
You like that?
239
00:09:49,670 --> 00:09:51,237
Yeah, I do like that.
(Chuckles)
240
00:09:51,238 --> 00:09:54,140
Oh, you feel so good.
241
00:09:54,141 --> 00:09:58,411
(Laughing):
Teeth, Wilfred, teeth!
242
00:09:58,412 --> 00:10:00,447
(Moaning)
243
00:10:00,448 --> 00:10:02,082
Oh! Oh! I'm gonna...!
244
00:10:02,083 --> 00:10:04,084
(Gasps)
245
00:10:04,085 --> 00:10:05,385
(Spits)
246
00:10:05,386 --> 00:10:06,620
What the hell, dude?!
247
00:10:06,621 --> 00:10:07,821
Ah!
248
00:10:07,822 --> 00:10:09,723
Just stop!
249
00:10:09,724 --> 00:10:10,991
I will never stop!
250
00:10:13,061 --> 00:10:16,631
There's nothing you can do
to keep me from that baby.
251
00:10:16,632 --> 00:10:18,833
She's the one who
should be behind bars!
252
00:10:18,834 --> 00:10:20,768
The way she's working
your guilt is criminal!
253
00:10:20,769 --> 00:10:23,437
If you keep this up,
you'll be an outside dog.
254
00:10:29,210 --> 00:10:31,278
I'm sorry about all
the hairs in the bathtub.
255
00:10:31,279 --> 00:10:32,846
I didn't even get to my legs.
256
00:10:32,847 --> 00:10:34,648
That-that's okay.
257
00:10:34,649 --> 00:10:35,983
I'll just, uh...
258
00:10:35,984 --> 00:10:37,785
Clean the bathtub?
Thank you.
259
00:10:37,786 --> 00:10:40,321
It's just, it's really tough
for me to bend down so low,
260
00:10:40,322 --> 00:10:42,356
what with the beautiful soul
that's growing inside of me.
261
00:10:46,361 --> 00:10:48,929
So, what's this new company
you're working for?
262
00:10:48,930 --> 00:10:50,764
It's a biotech start-up.
263
00:10:50,765 --> 00:10:52,899
We're working on a
cure for lung cancer.
264
00:10:52,900 --> 00:10:56,203
Western medicine.
265
00:10:56,204 --> 00:10:59,240
Wasn't your clinic funded
by Kanner/McKay?
266
00:10:59,241 --> 00:11:00,974
I took their money,
not their drugs.
267
00:11:00,975 --> 00:11:02,642
I'm not gonna pollute
my body temple
268
00:11:02,643 --> 00:11:05,145
with the poison of Big Pharma.
269
00:11:05,146 --> 00:11:07,914
Well, a lot of those
"poisons" save lives.
270
00:11:07,915 --> 00:11:10,850
I suppose you're an expert now
that you're dating a scientist.
271
00:11:10,851 --> 00:11:12,786
We'll see how long that lasts.
272
00:11:12,787 --> 00:11:13,987
What does that mean?
273
00:11:13,988 --> 00:11:16,290
Nothing.
274
00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:21,194
It's just that, I mean,
275
00:11:21,195 --> 00:11:24,598
let's be honest,
a lawyer and a chemist?
276
00:11:24,599 --> 00:11:26,933
There's just not a lot
of overlap there.
277
00:11:26,934 --> 00:11:28,702
Amanda and I are
actually doing great.
278
00:11:28,703 --> 00:11:31,638
Sure you are.
But look at Arturo and me.
279
00:11:31,639 --> 00:11:33,240
We're both healers,
280
00:11:33,241 --> 00:11:35,575
so our relationship
is based on a true love
281
00:11:35,576 --> 00:11:37,410
and understanding
for one another.
282
00:11:37,411 --> 00:11:39,112
We'll have you over
for dinner sometime.
283
00:11:39,113 --> 00:11:40,847
You can see what
that looks like.
284
00:11:40,848 --> 00:11:42,549
In your new condo?
285
00:11:42,550 --> 00:11:44,017
Mm-hmm.
286
00:11:44,018 --> 00:11:47,288
Steady... steady...
287
00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:49,524
Uh, let me get you
some more juice.
288
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:54,696
What?!
289
00:11:54,697 --> 00:11:56,365
How did you scale
that giant wall?
290
00:11:56,366 --> 00:11:58,333
That's impossible!
291
00:11:58,334 --> 00:12:01,570
Are you secretly some sort of
magical, otherworldly entity?
292
00:12:01,571 --> 00:12:03,539
'Cause I'd tell you if I was.
293
00:12:03,540 --> 00:12:05,374
That's it, Wilfred.
You're going outside.
294
00:12:05,375 --> 00:12:07,343
Stress is dangerous
for the baby.
295
00:12:07,344 --> 00:12:08,644
Is it now?
296
00:12:08,645 --> 00:12:11,814
Take your hands off me, Ryan!
297
00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:14,217
Or maybe I should take out
a restraining order...
298
00:12:14,218 --> 00:12:16,486
from my pocket, to use
as a bargaining chip
299
00:12:16,487 --> 00:12:18,754
to trade for my
baby-gettin' stick.
300
00:12:18,755 --> 00:12:21,157
We need to put
that back before...
301
00:12:21,158 --> 00:12:23,225
Before what? Before it
stresses Kristen out?
302
00:12:23,226 --> 00:12:24,359
Ryan?
303
00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:25,661
Whoops.
Is that...?
304
00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:28,196
Did you go through my things?
305
00:12:28,197 --> 00:12:30,498
Uh, no, I'm just...
306
00:12:30,499 --> 00:12:33,301
No, you're just curious about every
embarrassing detail of my life.
307
00:12:33,302 --> 00:12:36,104
Okay. Well, let me
just fill you in.
308
00:12:36,105 --> 00:12:37,906
The last time I saw Arturo was
309
00:12:37,907 --> 00:12:39,741
two weeks ago
at the airport in Jaipur.
310
00:12:39,742 --> 00:12:42,344
He was leaving early
to break things off with Liz.
311
00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:44,112
And then I never heard
from him.
312
00:12:44,113 --> 00:12:45,747
Instead of meeting me at LAX,
313
00:12:45,748 --> 00:12:50,018
he sent a process server
with a restraining order.
314
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:51,920
All this time
I thought he loved me,
315
00:12:51,921 --> 00:12:56,091
but you know why he
wanted me to go to India?
316
00:12:56,092 --> 00:12:59,795
'Cause he thinks
I'm a good doctor! (Sobs)
317
00:12:59,796 --> 00:13:01,963
I'm so sorry.
Oh, are you?!
318
00:13:01,964 --> 00:13:03,598
I thought you'd be happy
319
00:13:03,599 --> 00:13:05,100
to learn another
humiliating secret
320
00:13:05,101 --> 00:13:06,601
to blackmail me with!
(Gasps)
321
00:13:06,602 --> 00:13:08,403
Are you, are you okay?
322
00:13:08,404 --> 00:13:10,174
No, I don't know.
Just call 911.
323
00:13:10,175 --> 00:13:13,842
Yes! The Battle for Kristen's Bulge
has been won!
324
00:13:13,843 --> 00:13:16,844
It looks like I shall have
another fontanelle
325
00:13:16,845 --> 00:13:18,513
to hang from my belt.
326
00:13:18,514 --> 00:13:20,181
Wilfred, listen to yourself.
327
00:13:20,182 --> 00:13:22,984
We're talking about
an innocent human life.
328
00:13:22,985 --> 00:13:25,320
Oh, my God.
329
00:13:25,321 --> 00:13:27,088
You're right.
330
00:13:27,089 --> 00:13:29,657
What have I done?
331
00:13:29,658 --> 00:13:31,592
If anything happens
to that baby,
332
00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:33,327
I'll never forgive myself.
333
00:13:33,328 --> 00:13:37,831
(Watch beeps)
334
00:13:37,832 --> 00:13:42,035
Okay, so I have blue for a
boy or pink for a girl.
335
00:13:42,036 --> 00:13:45,771
Uh, hi. Yes, my sister may be
going through...
336
00:13:49,858 --> 00:13:51,525
The baby's okay, but she should
stay on bed rest
337
00:13:51,526 --> 00:13:53,627
for the next few days.
338
00:13:53,628 --> 00:13:55,862
KRISTEN: It was just Braxton Hicks!
Go to medical school!
339
00:13:55,863 --> 00:13:57,097
Have fun with that.
340
00:13:57,098 --> 00:14:00,500
Why, God? Why?!
341
00:14:00,501 --> 00:14:04,370
(Sobbing): What kind of
God lets a baby live?!
342
00:14:04,371 --> 00:14:05,805
Dr. Ramos.
343
00:14:05,806 --> 00:14:07,273
I got your message.
How's the baby?
344
00:14:07,274 --> 00:14:09,375
Fine.
Kristen's in the bedroom.
345
00:14:09,376 --> 00:14:11,244
You. You caused this!
346
00:14:11,245 --> 00:14:13,813
You almost ruined her life,
and you don't even care.
347
00:14:13,814 --> 00:14:15,415
What kind of animal are you?
348
00:14:15,416 --> 00:14:17,083
RAMOS:
You're right.
349
00:14:17,084 --> 00:14:18,852
It's my fault.
350
00:14:18,853 --> 00:14:22,355
My-my wife made me take
out that restraining order.
351
00:14:22,356 --> 00:14:25,559
I didn't want to,
but I was scared.
352
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:26,894
You have to believe me.
353
00:14:26,895 --> 00:14:28,795
I want to be with your sister.
354
00:14:28,796 --> 00:14:30,531
KRISTEN: Arturo, is that you?!
Mi amor!
355
00:14:30,532 --> 00:14:33,467
Great, now the father's here.
356
00:14:33,468 --> 00:14:36,570
How many innocent babies
need to survive
357
00:14:36,571 --> 00:14:39,607
before we put an end
to this senseless nurturing?!
358
00:14:39,608 --> 00:14:41,542
(Sobbing)
359
00:14:41,543 --> 00:14:44,412
It's bad enough I have to sleep
on the couch in my own house.
360
00:14:44,413 --> 00:14:45,913
(Kristen and Ramos moaning)
361
00:14:45,914 --> 00:14:47,381
They've been at it all night.
362
00:14:47,382 --> 00:14:49,450
So kick 'em out.
363
00:14:49,451 --> 00:14:51,452
I can't do that.
364
00:14:51,453 --> 00:14:53,554
(Loud moaning)
365
00:14:53,555 --> 00:14:57,225
God, I'm such an idiot
for not duct-taping
366
00:14:57,226 --> 00:14:59,360
a pizza cutter
to the end of Arturo's penis.
367
00:14:59,361 --> 00:15:01,729
Will you stop?
Haven't you done enough damage?
368
00:15:01,730 --> 00:15:06,234
Fine. I give up.
369
00:15:06,235 --> 00:15:07,836
(Bed creaking, Kristen moaning)
370
00:15:07,837 --> 00:15:09,971
What's that?
371
00:15:09,972 --> 00:15:12,923
Baby food. Might as well get
used to it.
372
00:15:12,924 --> 00:15:15,035
This is what it's gonna be like
three months from now.
373
00:15:15,036 --> 00:15:16,611
Wilfred...
The war's over.
374
00:15:16,612 --> 00:15:18,280
(Moaning stops)
I've lost.
375
00:15:18,281 --> 00:15:22,335
Stop. Look, have you ever
even known a baby?
376
00:15:22,336 --> 00:15:23,777
I think you might be surprised
377
00:15:23,778 --> 00:15:25,972
at how much dogs
and babies have in common.
378
00:15:25,973 --> 00:15:28,457
(scoffs)
It's true.
379
00:15:28,458 --> 00:15:30,359
You both like to drool.
380
00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:32,662
You both need someone else
to clean up your shit.
381
00:15:32,663 --> 00:15:33,930
You both like naps.
382
00:15:33,931 --> 00:15:36,966
We both like chewing on things.
383
00:15:36,967 --> 00:15:38,267
Right?
384
00:15:38,268 --> 00:15:39,902
We both have vocabularies
that are...
385
00:15:39,903 --> 00:15:41,771
I mean, in a way,
386
00:15:41,772 --> 00:15:43,105
it's like you're actually
fighting yourselves.
387
00:15:43,106 --> 00:15:44,540
Vocabularious.
388
00:15:44,541 --> 00:15:46,676
(Moaning resumes)
Maybe it's time
389
00:15:46,677 --> 00:15:48,344
to call an end to hostilities
390
00:15:48,345 --> 00:15:50,213
and actually get to know
each other.
391
00:15:50,214 --> 00:15:52,749
Otherwise, all this tension...
392
00:15:52,750 --> 00:15:54,384
when's it gonna end?
393
00:15:54,385 --> 00:15:56,252
(Kristen moaning)
394
00:15:56,253 --> 00:15:58,355
I could ask you
the same question, Ryan.
395
00:15:58,356 --> 00:16:01,258
When is it gonna end?
396
00:16:03,562 --> 00:16:05,229
She'll find a place soon.
397
00:16:05,230 --> 00:16:07,532
(Moaning stops)
The guilt, mate.
398
00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:09,834
How long are you
gonna hold onto it?
399
00:16:15,207 --> 00:16:17,108
Until she forgives me.
400
00:16:17,109 --> 00:16:19,011
And what if she never does?
401
00:16:19,012 --> 00:16:21,747
You know, at some point,
you may just have
402
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,349
to do the forgiving for her.
403
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:24,750
Wilfred, you know,
you still have some...?
404
00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:25,985
Yeah, I do.
405
00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:27,853
(Ramos, Kristen moaning loudly)
406
00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:36,062
Sweetie, I gotta go.
Oh.
407
00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:38,231
Uh, Ryan, thanks
for, uh, everything.
408
00:16:38,232 --> 00:16:40,233
Kristen said you don't
mind us using your house
409
00:16:40,234 --> 00:16:42,268
as our little, uh,
palacio del amor.
410
00:16:42,269 --> 00:16:43,736
I really appreciate that.
411
00:16:43,737 --> 00:16:45,071
Um, yeah.
412
00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:46,572
Oh.
413
00:16:49,910 --> 00:16:51,210
See you tomorrow night?
414
00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:53,846
What about tonight?
415
00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:57,917
Uh, Liz and I have
symphony tickets.
416
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,421
They're... they're paid for.
417
00:17:05,292 --> 00:17:06,725
Have a nice time.
418
00:17:09,263 --> 00:17:11,597
(Door opens, closes)
419
00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:14,200
(Clears throat)
420
00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:16,035
Ryan, on your way home
from work,
421
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:18,638
I need you to pick up a soft
bristle toothbrush for Arturo.
422
00:17:18,639 --> 00:17:20,807
His gums are really sensitive.
423
00:17:27,582 --> 00:17:30,551
Listen, I don't know
how comfortable I am
424
00:17:30,552 --> 00:17:32,453
with you guys using
my home as your
425
00:17:32,454 --> 00:17:34,922
palacio del amor.
426
00:17:34,923 --> 00:17:36,223
Well, that's interesting.
427
00:17:36,224 --> 00:17:37,658
Because under
the circumstances,
428
00:17:37,659 --> 00:17:39,093
I didn't think I was
asking all that much.
429
00:17:39,094 --> 00:17:41,529
Kristen, I know
you're mad at me,
430
00:17:41,530 --> 00:17:43,365
and I've been trying
to make it up to you,
431
00:17:43,366 --> 00:17:45,534
but I don't know how much
longer this can go on.
432
00:17:45,535 --> 00:17:47,135
Do you think that I wanted
to come here
433
00:17:47,136 --> 00:17:49,338
after the way you stabbed me
in the back?
434
00:17:49,339 --> 00:17:52,341
I have nowhere else
to go, Ryan.
435
00:17:52,342 --> 00:17:55,345
I'm a mistress... me!
436
00:17:55,346 --> 00:17:58,582
My marriage is dead,
and I'm gonna be a single mother
437
00:17:58,583 --> 00:18:00,618
raising a child whose father
already has another family,
438
00:18:00,619 --> 00:18:02,353
and it is all your fault!
439
00:18:02,354 --> 00:18:04,655
Kristen...
No, it is!
440
00:18:04,656 --> 00:18:09,326
It has to be all your fault,
because if it's not, then...
441
00:18:09,327 --> 00:18:11,195
then...
442
00:18:15,634 --> 00:18:17,668
Oh, shit.
443
00:18:22,007 --> 00:18:24,209
I'm the one who cheated
on Leo.
444
00:18:24,210 --> 00:18:27,379
And I followed
a total asshole to India.
445
00:18:27,380 --> 00:18:30,014
So, so...
446
00:18:32,785 --> 00:18:35,053
I did this.
447
00:18:38,691 --> 00:18:40,558
I'm a really terrible person.
448
00:18:40,559 --> 00:18:42,560
(Sobbing)
449
00:18:42,561 --> 00:18:47,465
Everybody makes mistakes.
450
00:18:47,466 --> 00:18:49,367
Feeling guilty
isn't going to help.
451
00:18:53,706 --> 00:18:56,240
I know Arturo's a jerk,
452
00:18:56,241 --> 00:18:58,243
but...
453
00:18:58,244 --> 00:19:01,213
I don't want to be alone.
454
00:19:01,214 --> 00:19:03,515
You won't be.
455
00:19:08,053 --> 00:19:10,555
You're a good brother, Ryan.
456
00:19:10,556 --> 00:19:12,257
(Watch beeping)
457
00:19:18,631 --> 00:19:19,998
How about I make us some tea?
458
00:19:19,999 --> 00:19:21,600
Oh, that'd be nice.
459
00:19:24,370 --> 00:19:25,837
Hey, Wilfred.
460
00:19:25,838 --> 00:19:28,573
Look, I've been
thinking it over.
461
00:19:28,574 --> 00:19:31,009
Maybe after you're born,
462
00:19:31,010 --> 00:19:32,477
we could get to know
one another.
463
00:19:32,478 --> 00:19:34,779
Maybe you could even
fall asleep on me one day.
464
00:19:34,780 --> 00:19:36,815
Or I could eat some food out
465
00:19:36,816 --> 00:19:38,449
of your mouth while
you're yawning.
466
00:19:38,450 --> 00:19:39,884
Anyway, these are just ideas,
467
00:19:39,885 --> 00:19:43,588
but the gist is,
I wanna be friends.
468
00:19:43,589 --> 00:19:47,893
You want me to be
in your club?
469
00:19:47,894 --> 00:19:51,729
I'd love to be!
The Pen 15 Club?
470
00:19:51,730 --> 00:19:53,565
Hang on a minute.
471
00:19:53,566 --> 00:19:56,535
Just let me write that down
so I don't forget itt.
472
00:19:56,536 --> 00:20:00,272
So, it's just the word "pen"
and the number "15"
473
00:20:00,273 --> 00:20:04,141
with no spaces in between?
474
00:20:04,142 --> 00:20:05,576
Cool name, huh?
475
00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:13,287
Really? Are we
really gonna have
476
00:20:13,288 --> 00:20:14,989
this debate right now?
477
00:20:14,990 --> 00:20:16,657
'Cause we all know
life doesn't begin
478
00:20:16,658 --> 00:20:18,392
until the fetus is
ten years old.
479
00:20:18,393 --> 00:20:21,229
You have no morals.
Of course, I do.
480
00:20:21,230 --> 00:20:23,965
You kill an 11-year-old,
you're going straight to hell.
481
00:20:42,151 --> 00:20:45,753
What?
What are you smiling at?
482
00:20:45,754 --> 00:20:48,523
Who's smiling, dude?
It is hot in here!
483
00:20:48,524 --> 00:20:50,896
Oh. Do you want me to turn
the air-conditioning on?
484
00:20:50,897 --> 00:20:52,483
Yes!
485
00:21:05,332 --> 00:21:07,023
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