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Rangers Of Fortune
Of the news is that the military court
has decided to release the three new processions.
Prisoners, to the front!
Gentlemen, with deep emotion and great sentiment, I
will fulfill the painful duty of reading the
sentence of the military court.
Gentlemen, the sentence of this court is that
the three processions, ...Gil Farra, Antonio Sierra Hernandez,
and George Burr.
Convicts of the crime of arms smuggling...
...and conspiring against the peace of the sovereign
people...
...and the security of the Mexican national government...
...shall be sentenced to death.
And Sierra, what did he say?
Oh, he said many beautiful words, George.
But mostly he said that...
...because we were caught running guns into his
country...
...pretty soon now we're going to be shot.
I thought it was something like that.
And say, George...
...he also said he was very sorry.
Oh, I did?
Yes, amigo.
Do you like to smoke?
Thank you, Captain.
Thanks.
He ain't such a bad guy.
Hey, Nick.
No tree on the match.
That's bad luck.
I always wanted to leave this belt up
in Donahue's bar.
Back of the bottles.
John O'Sullivan presented me with this belt.
John O.
himself.
With his own hands he give it to
me.
The night I KO'd Salem McCluskey in the
72nd.
Oh, hey.
What's your hurry?
You want to be blindfolded, Gil?
George?
No.
Captain.
I'd like a blindfold.
Alto.
Take him, George.
You said this was the United States three
days ago.
Is this still the United States?
My feet hurt.
Say, Gil...
...what a shame George is not a horse.
I feel like part of one.
You know what I wish?
No, but make it a good wish.
Make it so that out of the sky
will fall plenty of good food.
And like rain, some coffee.
This one's for a great big wash tub
full of beer.
With ice floating on the top.
Beer don't have no ice in it.
This beer has.
I mean, I'd swap my end of a
championship purse for a bucket of water.
Plain, ordinary old water.
Had enough?
Oh, yeah.
Thanks.
I ain't asking thanks.
I'm asking a dollar six bits.
A dollar for what?
For the water.
Did you read?
Yeah, but not that good.
Let's go before he puts a price on
the air around here.
Oh, a smart galoot, eh?
All right, George.
Oh.
Say, Gil, George is not so good anymore.
No, he's living too soft.
Time was when he hit them, they stayed
hit.
Hey, George, you got a match?
George.
Thanks, fellas.
Come on, get.
Go on, get.
Dirty two-bit swindlers.
It's crooks like that that give the West
a bad name.
Two cents a bucket.
The gall of those galoots.
I'd have done better if I shaved with
a handle.
Oh, boy, these beans is good.
Kind of.
Hear that, George?
Sounded like a customer.
You go.
I ain't hit yet.
No, George, you've got the kind of a
face that turns away a rat.
Go on, shake a leg.
Hey, fellas!
Hey, fellas!
Hey, fellas!
Hey, fellas!
Hey, fellas!
Any man that puts a fence around a
waterhole and sets a price on it is
lower than a snake that crawls on its
belly.
Well, that's pretty good.
You think that all up by yourself?
No, I did.
Mr. Claiborne wrote it.
Hey, where are you going?
To water our stock.
And keep that low-down, steamy weasel inside.
A little bit of a girl like that
getting her all mad.
Shame on you.
Well, you said a dollar a bucket.
Yeah, but don't you know what tact is?
Watch me.
What do you want?
I just thought I might give you a
hand.
Nobody's asking you.
I guess that's tact, huh?
What are you doing?
Oh, nothing.
Well, don't.
Who's he?
My grandfather.
Is he sick?
No.
What's wrong with him?
He's resting up.
He got in a big fight.
A fight, huh?
Think he's a little old for fighting?
Mr. Claiborne says when a man gets too
old to fight for what's right, it's time
somebody buried him.
Looks like you pulled out in kind of
a hurry.
I mean, with that paper half-printed.
We did.
They didn't want it printed.
Who didn't?
Some man.
What man?
How should I know what man?
They all had hexes over their faces.
I tried to pull one off.
You did, huh?
Then what?
Then they put me in a sack.
I bit one of them, though.
I bit him right through the sack.
Good for you.
Then what happened?
Then he dumped me and Mr. Claiborne and
everything in our wagon.
Told us to pat our shirt shells out
of town.
Say, what started all this?
Something me and Mr. Claiborne printed in our
newspaper.
We print the news.
Squib.
Yes, Mr. Claiborne?
Yes, Mr. Claiborne?
Where are we?
Collins Place, Mr. Claiborne.
What are we doing here?
Don't you remember?
We left town.
Oh, yes.
So we did.
Mary Elizabeth, we are going back.
He's feeling all right now, Mr. Claiborne.
Hurry, Squib.
I'm hurrying, Mr. Claiborne.
Will you take those feed bags off the
horses, please?
They're heading back where you came from, huh?
Hurry, child.
I'm hurrying, Mr. Claiborne.
Well, so long, young lady.
Goodbye and thanks.
See ya.
Adios, señorita.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Puny little thing, ain't she?
Look at them arms.
Bones sticking out like you can hang your
head on them.
Hey, Gil.
The kid and that old man, they're in
plenty of trouble, no?
You heard what she said.
Trouble is not so good.
Not when you are in it with only
an old man.
How do you think she'll make out?
How do I know?
Quit asking foolish questions, will you?
How am I to know what the kid's
going to do?
Anyway, what difference does it make?
The sailor comes out fast, see?
He fights and leads with his left.
Well, I enrote him.
Gets inside and gives him the old one,
two, one, two.
Well, he falls into a clinch and gives
me the knee.
Well, I beat him to it with the
old elbow right out of the kisser.
Well, his eyes are all up in his
head.
I uppercut him with me right and, socko,
the sailor is out.
Out where?
Out, Gil.
Seven, eight, nine, ten.
KO'd in the 72nd round.
You should have heard them cash customers.
Claiborne?
Yes, Mr. Claiborne.
Are we heading back?
Yes, Mr. Claiborne.
Good.
Who's that?
That's Mr. Bird.
Mr. Bird and his friends are going back
to Santa Marta with us.
I told him all about everything and he
said for us not to worry.
Not to worry?
Who are these men?
I think they're pretty desperate characters.
But nice.
Well, lively little place, isn't it?
Anybody live here?
Four hundred and thirty-seven inhabitants.
Huh?
At least, the Ellersons are the only ones
that's left since yesterday.
Thanks.
Spooky, that's what it is.
I don't see why anybody would want to
live here.
Mr. Claiborne says you could call away the
settlers coming in the past year or regular
land rush.
Yeah, looks like somebody rushed in and built
themselves quite an adobe hut.
That's Santa Marta Hacienda.
Huh?
You never heard of the Santa Marta Ranch?
Well, it's the biggest ranch in the southwest.
The west for most of a hundred years.
Where are we?
We're right back where we started from, Mr.
Claiborne.
Mr. Forrow, Mr. Sierra, will you bring Mr.
Claiborne?
Mr. Byrd, will you bring in the print
and press?
Thanks.
Come on, George, help get this press out.
Help!
Help!
What's the matter, Squid?
Come on.
Come on out of there.
Look!
It's Mr. Papp!
Don't shoot, it's Mr. Papp!
Are you all right, Mr. Papp?
They haven't hurt you, Mr. Papp.
Mr. Papp, you're drunk again.
I see.
Sinful drunk.
Well, I guess this was one time being
out on a drunk kept you out of
trouble.
Who is he, Squid?
Our printer.
Oh, will you please go fetch Mr. Claiborne?
I'll take care of him.
Then he falls into another tank.
Why, please, me head up under.
Muchísimas gracias, señorita.
That's enough.
That's enough, that's enough, lads.
Well, Mr. Claiborne, here she is.
Come daylight, Mr. Prout, you get the wheelbarrow
and circulate him.
Circulate him?
Well, all right.
I presume a body can't be expected to
live forever.
Well, Mr. Claiborne, you're quite right, Mr. Prout.
Under the circumstances, it's clearly my duty to
distribute this edition.
But, Mr. Claiborne, you're not strong enough.
I'll rest for an hour.
Then I'll be quite ready.
Hey, Squid, how much did you get for
your papers?
Ten cents a copy.
That's not enough.
Cash, George.
Morning paper, one buck.
Hey, what's going on?
Morning paper, one buck.
Here's your change.
Adios, amigo.
Help!
Help!
I've been robbed!
Stop them!
A buck for a paper and I can't
even read!
Hey!
Hey, come on, wake up.
Morning paper, one buck.
Wake me up?
I ought to bash your face in!
What's all the racket about?
I thought maybe you fellas would like to
read about the gold strike.
Buck a piece.
Here you are, fella.
Here you are.
Where is this about the gold strike?
Page three in there.
Here it is.
Gold.
Zeke Carruthers returns from Denver.
He's the first person in Santa Marta with
a solid gold filly in his teeth.
Gold strike?
You too?
Yes, and I'm going to do something about
it.
And Claiborne's got a lot of explaining to
do.
Wait a minute, boys.
I'm going with you.
This is carrying things too far.
Breaking into a fella's house in the middle
of the night taking the money right out
of his pocket.
See?
There's another one.
Where did he go?
Where did he go?
It's Johnny's windmill again.
I've got it.
Let go of me!
Oh, a gang, huh?
Well, you can't scare me.
I'll lick the whole bunch of you.
You dirty rats, you'll tip over no more
windmills on me.
I've been waiting a long time to get
a hold of you fellas and now I
got you.
Let go of me!
What's the matter with him?
We didn't push over his windmill.
We didn't even try to sell him a
paper.
Are you hurt?
No, I'm all right.
Look, Sharon, they've done it again for the
fourth time in two weeks.
But that's not going to stop me.
I'll put her up and I'll keep on
putting her up every time they pull her
down.
I'll...
or will I?
What's the use?
The people in this town don't want water
and they don't appreciate what I'm trying to
do.
Why waste my time?
I'll get out of here.
Sure, if that's just what someone wants you
to do.
Who?
Why?
I don't know.
But the way things keep happening...
Well, if they think they're going to run
me out of here, they're crazy.
Three quick ones.
Whiskey.
Tequila.
Beer.
George, give me the salt and the lemon.
Three dollars.
Here's five bucks.
Take it out of there.
Five of them, a dollar a throw.
Give me the change.
Come on.
You stay down here, George.
No!
You stay down here to keep an eye
on him.
You stay right here, see?
If you so much as move your feet,
I'll come right back and I'll break him
off.
Gosh.
Well?
We thought you was three days.
We really thought you might like to buy
a copy of the Clarion.
One buck.
Oh.
I, uh...
I thought the publisher of the Clarion had
gone.
Gone?
Said they bunged him right out on his
ear.
Him and the kid both.
I'd certainly like to...
Mr. Claiborne came back.
Good for him.
Gentlemen, please.
Stefan.
Gentlemen, I...
I do hope you'll forgive my servants' zeal.
They know how highly I regard my privacy.
My last possession.
Will you gentlemen honor me?
Thank you.
Gracias, senor.
To your health, Mr...
Farrar.
Gil Farrar.
Army.
Army more.
West Point Adventure.
These are my friends, Mr. Sierra and Mr.
George Bird.
There you are.
My name is Revstock.
Louis Revstock, gentlemen.
That's a surprising bar you have downstairs.
Yes.
Yes, that's what I thought when I returned
from abroad and found that my servants had
set it up in my reception hall.
I can imagine.
One must live.
My home in its former state.
You see, Santa Marta has been in my
family for three generations.
Shall we drink to your success now in
journalism?
Mr. Farrar, do you expect your connection here
to be a permanent one?
Well...
No, senor.
I do not think we shall be here
very long.
I'm sorry, our visit must be so brief.
Adios.
Just a moment, gentlemen.
If you follow me, I believe I can
furnish you with a less embarrassing exit.
Across the patio, gentlemen.
Once more, senor.
Thank you, sir.
Not at all.
Oh, Mr. Bird.
You might need me a paper.
On the house.
It doesn't make any difference what you do
now.
Too late.
Mr. Claiborne's...
He can't hurt him anymore.
What does she mean?
Mr. Claiborne's dead.
Dead?
I...
Someone thrashed him last night and tried to
chase him out of town.
Who did it?
I don't know.
Why wasn't he here?
Do you know, Squib?
Well, Squib, you sure left us in a
hurry.
Nice work.
We did all right for you, too.
83 bucks after we took our divvy.
That's all right with you, Squib.
We'll be on our way.
That's all right.
That's fine, because I don't think that people
here like us very much.
Adios, Squib.
Salud, Squib.
Hey, what's the matter, kid?
In memoriam, Homer Granville Claiborne, who in the
serene hope of the blessed resurrection and life
everlasting, departed this life.
I'm sorry, Squib.
It's all right.
Kid took it kind of hard, huh?
It's too bad for her.
No father, no mother, nobody.
She was a good little old kid, huh?
And smart.
That thing about her grandfather, that was very
beautiful.
Do you think she'll stay here and print
that paper all by herself?
How do I know?
Don't ask me questions, will you?
Anything I can do, honey, you just let
me know.
And if you don't, I'll consider it real
unfriendly.
Thanks, Miss Cheryl.
Goodbye, Mr. Pratt.
Goodbye, Miss Cheryl.
I guess maybe you'd better get yourself a
drink, Mr. Pratt.
I guess maybe this is one time you
can have all you want.
Aye, lassie.
I doubt it'll have the old relish.
Yeah.
Tim!
Tim Boundary!
Back in a minute, Scrip.
Them three fellas are still in town.
Head out somewhere.
Three fellas?
What happened?
They killed Tom P.
Come on and look.
See?
The newspaper and everything.
They've been through Tom's pockets.
Same as they did to me.
It's them, all right.
Must be them three fellas.
It just cleans the nose in your face.
Sure, it must be.
No, no, it isn't them.
They didn't do it.
I tell you, they didn't do it.
Hell, yes.
You've got to listen to me.
They're only trying to help me and Mr.
Claiborne.
Just a minute, Squibb.
Easy now.
Suppose you tell me where they are.
I don't know where they are, Mr. Baldry.
All right, then I'll run you back right
along home.
Mr. Baldry, I...
It's down at the Shores of Bones.
Yes, and they're still in town.
Let's find them and take them to the
Cottonwoods.
Yeah, let's do it.
All right, let's go.
Come on, let's get out of the way.
Mr. Farrar.
Mr. Sierra.
Mr. Farrar.
I don't think you'll find them there.
They'd hardly be so foolish as to remain
in Santa Marta, would they now?
You don't think they did it, Mr. Ebstock,
do you?
I don't know, my child.
Oh, sorry about your grandfather.
Is there anything I can do?
No, thank you.
Thanks.
Oh, wow!
Johnny!
Johnny!
Hey, what kind of wire is this?
That's called barbed wire, honey.
It's the kind that keeps the cattle in
and the varmints out.
Well, get me out.
Besides, you shouldn't bring that stuff around here.
It's got fishhooks in it.
I wish I'd had someone strung around last
night.
I might have caught those three fellas.
Three fellas?
Have you seen them?
Who hasn't?
They dumped over my windmill.
They did not.
I caught them red-handed.
It wasn't them.
Somebody's been dumping over your windmill regular ever
since you started putting it up.
Those three fellas, they just got in there.
They got in last night.
They did?
Sure they did.
Johnny, if you happen to see them, tell
them I said to get out of town,
quick.
Oh, wait a minute, young lady.
What's that wire?
Salt!
Hello, Squid.
Wait, see what I've got.
I'm in awful big hurry.
You'll want to see this one.
A piano.
Yes.
I sent all the waiters in Louisville for
it.
A genuine ivory.
Play something.
Oh, I can't play on it.
You can't play it?
Uh-uh.
But think how nice it'll look in my
parlor.
I love beautiful things.
Don't you, Squid?
Yeah, sure I do.
But you'll...
Oh, Grace!
Squid, what is it?
What's the matter?
I gotta find someone.
Three fellas.
Three fellas?
I should think one would be enough.
No, I gotta find all three of them.
Well, who are they?
Well, one of them's always going like this.
And one wears an earring here.
And the other one is tall with dark
wavy hair and blue eyes.
You know.
Well, I haven't seen them.
And I'm pretty sure I would have remembered
the you-know one.
Oh, Miss Sharon, how you talk.
That's them, all right.
That's the way they'd work.
Oh, jeez.
Oh, jeez.
Slick, huh?
Yeah.
Hey.
Where are you going to get me them
jelly beans?
Never mind the jelly beans.
Get back there and keep your mind on
your job.
Oh, quit worrying.
Ain't nobody bought her in the clarion office.
And ain't nothing going to happen to the
kid.
Ah, the people are not meant with squib.
Only with us.
I guess you're right.
We'll pull out of here tonight.
Say, Gil, my friend.
You better get some more cigarettes before we
go.
Say, fellas, you gotta remember I'm fishing blind.
I take what I get and like it.
Ah.
What is it?
Take it off.
Oh.
Try them on for size, George.
Hey, you know, we can settle down here
and set up housekeeping.
Hey, quit jiggling my arm, will you?
Anything you see.
Ow!
Ow!
No down, no account, Stephen Packrat.
Get him!
And you, sneaking up here like, like weasels
in a hen coop, stealing the bread out
of an honest girl's mouth.
Why, you big, big, feeding lummoxes, you ought
to be ashamed.
Call yourselves men?
Huh, look at your faces.
Riffraff, jailbirds!
Say, Sharon, not so loud.
Please, you gotta hurry and get out of
here.
They're looking for you.
They've got a rope.
Yeah, and three legs more ready for stretching
I've never seen.
Now get off my roof.
You heard me, get off!
Hey, uh, help you carry the things down,
ma'am?
Get!
Get!
Sneak down to the creek bottom and hide
in the cottonwoods till it's dark.
Quick, hurry!
You're all right, kid.
Thanks for everything.
I don't know, you men have certainly ruined
my reputation.
So long, Squid.
Bye.
The rats.
The tall one, the one with the nice
voice.
What's his name?
Mr. Farrar.
Mm, Farrar, that's the right pretty name.
You know I can.
I mean, Mr. Farrar.
I mean, I don't think he'd be a
good influence on a woman's life.
Get away from that.
I thought I told you to go.
Miss Sharon, seldom has it been our misfortune
to meet so charming a young lady under
such unfavorable circumstances.
And, uh, before leaving, these gentlemen and I
felt it incumbent upon us to offer you
our profound apologies for the, uh, inconveniences which
our presence here has inflicted upon you.
We feel that, uh...
Most beautiful senorita.
It is as my friend says, we could
not leave until the sorrow that is in
our hearts has been spoken.
Yeah, me too.
You see what I mean?
That's how they work.
All I can say is I hope they
catch you and I hope they hang you
for good.
Personally, I don't care.
Uh, and now, Miss Sharon, since you insist,
we shall leave.
Morituri te salutant.
Adios, senorita hermosa.
Ha sido para mi un grandisimo gusto de
conocerla.
Me pongo a sus pies, servidor de usted,
Antonio Hernandez Sierra.
Hey, me too.
And incidentally, Miss Sharon, may I say that
you have a most superior piano?
I shall think of it with pleasure.
Adios.
Oh, wait a minute.
Are they hard to play?
Hard?
Well, as easy as falling off a log.
Of course, you've got to learn, but you
can learn in no time at all.
Honest?
Oh, quick as nothing.
Well, quicker than nothing.
Excuse me.
Hands like that and you'd never learn to
play.
Look at those hands.
Look at those fingers.
Beautiful.
Miss Sharon, I think I can say without
fear of contradiction that you are a born
pianist.
I'll bet I could teach you in six
easy lessons.
Oh, I bet you could teach her in
one.
Yes, sit down, Miss Sharon, please.
Now, the first thing is the position of
the body.
Now, of course, we have the black keys
and the...
They're coming right across the street.
Well, that was almost lesson number one.
Well, adios, senorita.
Yeah, adios.
The roof.
Uh-oh.
In there, quick.
Oh, come on.
Don't be scared, Miss Sharon.
We're looking for three fellas.
You think you can creep into an honest
girl's premises without a buy, you'll leave your...
Sharon, you might just as well let them
look because they're going to anyhow.
Dirtying up my...
Put that pickle back.
Lay it on the roof.
Well, Squid, shall we play them a duet?
I know where they are, Mr. Boundary.
You do?
I'm sure I know.
I heard them say something when they left.
Yes, it was about the Cottonwoods.
Back of Johnny's windmill?
That's it.
Come on, I'll show you.
The kid's getting him away.
Come on, everybody.
Come on, hurry.
I'll show you.
Hello, fellas.
Well, what are we waiting for?
Come on, let's get going.
Where are we going?
Over to the Cottonwoods.
You go on ahead.
We'll meet you there.
Cottonwoods?
Yeah.
Hey, what's this all about?
I'll tell you what it's about.
It's about Tom Page.
You've done to him just what you've done
to me.
Turned his pockets inside out and stuck a
newspaper in his hand.
Except you broke his neck.
That's right.
That's the way Page was killed last night.
Come on.
Let's get going.
We're not going anywhere.
If you try to take us, it's liable
to be a bad job for a lot
of you.
No.
Mr. Boundary.
Come on.
No, Johnny.
They didn't do it.
Please let me down.
They didn't do it.
Don't let them shoot us.
No.
We didn't kill anybody.
We didn't come here to kill anybody.
So before you begin on it, you better
find out who we are.
Should I tell them?
Why not?
Sure.
All right.
Gentlemen, you are attempting to pin a crime
on the most famous peace officer of the
West.
That's right.
The man who cleaned up alkali, salt fork,
and grapevine.
The man who single-handed clapped the Hedges
gang behind the bars of a federal penitentiary.
Colonel George Hamilcar Byrd.
That's right.
He's the kind of man your community needs.
A strong man.
Show him, Colonel.
Absolutely fearless.
Able.
Representing at its best the strength of the
law.
Show him, Colonel.
A man to whom the greatest odds are
nothing.
A man who shrinks at nothing.
A man who stops at nothing.
Show him, Colonel.
We admit the Colonel is strong.
You want law and order, don't you?
Yes, and it's time somebody did something about
it.
All right.
Then make the Colonel hear it, Tom Marshall.
We only have your word for the Colonel's
character.
What can you lose?
Give him a month, and if he hasn't
made good then, I say hang him.
That's right.
And gentlemen, it's on the house.
Gentlemen.
So you have decided to stay after all.
That's right.
I'm the new Marshall.
Well, how fortunate.
Or unfortunate, as the case may be.
When will he be back?
I don't know.
He never can tell about you.
Where'd he go?
I don't know that either.
Mr. Bird, don't you think I look pretty
old for my age?
I mean, like I might have lots of
experience, don't I?
Sure.
Now, you take Miss Sharon, in a different
sort of way, of course.
I guess she's had lots of experience too.
Yeah.
I bet she knows her Qs and Ps.
Sure.
But I bet I understand men better.
And I think I could be a better
influence in a man's life.
I mean, I'm not like most women.
Senorita?
Marshall?
Hey, wait a minute.
Where are you going?
Oh, it's such a beautiful day.
I think maybe I go and look at
a horse.
Just to look at a horse?
You sure have smelt yourself up pretty.
I think I'm going along and have a
look for myself.
No, my friend.
You better stay here.
You forget you are now a servant of
the people.
If you were needed, you would feel foolish
to say, My friends, I'm sorry I'm not
here, but I was looking at a horse.
No, George.
Hurry up.
You better hurry.
It sounds like somebody is teaching that horse
how to play the piano.
Marshall?
I'll start again.
Keep the back straight and the chin up.
That's right.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
Now you've got to remember to keep the
wrists and the fingers relaxed.
Customer.
Who is it?
Dad Johnson.
Tell him I can't sell him a thing
until he pays what he owes.
And now, let's see, where were we?
Oh, yes.
You've got to remember to keep the wrists
and the fingers relaxed.
Now.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
One, two...
What's the matter?
Tired?
No.
No, just stretching.
Well, just remember the harder you work, the
sooner you'll learn.
All right.
Just try to forget I'm here.
Hello.
Another customer?
Who is it, then?
Friend.
Oh, tell him to go away.
Muy bien, muy bien.
¿Y usted?
Como el niño que ha comido muchos pastelitos.
Al ver más, y con el estomago lleno,
come, come, come, y no hace sentirse indispuesto.
Quit talking behind my back.
Hey, come on, see how it's getting along.
Just fine, Squib.
I'm glad you dropped over.
You are?
Sure, I need somebody to hold this ladder.
You don't see much of Miss Sharon during
the day, do you?
That sounds like Miss Sharon's piano.
Yeah, I guess it must be.
You don't think maybe Mr. Farr is over
there giving her a lesson, do you?
You think so?
That's a funny sort of a job for
a grown man to be at in the
middle of the day.
Hey, Squib, pull on him.
Pull on him.
Sharon, hurry, isn't he?
Wasn't that Shelby?
Yeah.
Shelby, Todd, Shelby.
Wonder what brought him to town.
Go get the marshal.
Folks been telling me this town's got itself
a marshal.
Well, where is he?
Why don't somebody go get him so as
I can look him over.
Colonel Byrd, Colonel Byrd.
You gotta get out of here quick.
You gotta hide.
Huh?
Todd Shelby's in town.
He's bad and mean.
He just killed a fella.
He did?
Killed him on the ground in a saloon.
You gotta hurry and get out of here
quick and hide.
Me?
Hide?
Why do I gotta hide?
Because you'll kill you.
Come on, I'll show you.
Oh, no.
I can't hide.
I'm the new marshal.
I gotta arrest him.
Look, you stay right here and I'll be
right back.
Hurry, hurry.
He's been killed.
If anything happens to him, it's all your
fault.
Looking for somebody, Bub?
You Todd Shelby?
Yeah.
I'm Shelby.
Well, I'm the new marshal.
Stay where you are or I'll blow your
head off left-handed.
Well, what are you waiting for, Colonel?
Colonel ain't waiting for nothing, are you, Colonel?
And you're getting right out of here, aren't
you?
You look a little pale around the gills,
Marshal.
Maybe he needs a drink to give him
strength enough to walk out of here.
Drink it.
Let me!
Take it easy, fellas.
Oh!
Well, alas.
Boyd's failures.
No tribute, be it ever so glowing.
No song of praise, be it ever so
loud, can sufficiently commend Colonel Boyd's heroism.
That's me.
Todd Shelby, still reeking with the blood of
his innocent victim.
Oh, yeah.
Here I am again.
There stands Colonel George Hamilcar Boyd.
Citizens, bear your heads.
That little old girl sure can write pretty.
Old Claiborne wrote that more than ten years
ago, George.
Squibb just copied it.
That was a tribute to Stonewall Jackson.
Well, that just goes to show you the
kind of fellas me and Stonewall Jackson is.
All right, come on, amigos, let's go.
Here, we'd better practice that once more.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday, dear Squibby.
Happy birthday to you.
Pretty good.
Hey, wait a minute.
Clem ain't here yet.
Hello, Clem.
Here's the cake.
Make yourself at home.
Have a good time.
We'll bring you some birthday cake.
If there is any birthday cake.
Hiya, Mr. Potter.
Hiya, ladies.
Hi.
Oh, a birthday cake.
Surprise.
Surprise.
Where is she?
In yonder.
Pretty little fellow.
Take team.
Can I come in?
Yes, come in.
Happy birthday, Squib.
Thanks.
Don't you look scrumptious.
Thanks, Mr. Farrar.
Here.
Something I got for you.
For me?
Thanks.
Oh.
Oh, it's so beautiful.
Anybody seeing it there would think I was
engaged.
Well, what's wrong with that?
No.
No, Mr. Farrar.
I'm sorry, but I thought this whole thing
over, and I quite made up my mind
that there could never be anything between us.
Well, Squib, I, uh.
Sit down.
I want to talk to you.
Give that ring to Miss Sharon.
Oh, but Squib, I got the ring.
Let me finish.
Mr. Farrar, as you probably know, I'm very
much in love with you.
Of course, I know it's a great mistake
for a woman to mean a thing like
that.
But, well, I guess it doesn't matter now.
You see, I decided to give you up.
Oh.
You have, huh?
Yes.
I've decided you must marry Miss Sharon.
Marry?
Oh, no, Squib, I.
Mr. Farrar, when a man's got your kind
of a reputation, marriage is the only honorable
thing.
You don't say.
Yes.
And you've got to work fast.
Miss Sharon's pretty popular.
Mr. Sierra's crazy about her.
So is Colonel Byrd, and so is Mr.
Cash.
Oh, him.
Mr. Cash is no him.
He's the kind Mr. Claiborne always says bores
in from underneath.
Look, I got it all worked out.
I've invited Miss Sharon in.
Oh, is she coming?
Yeah, that's real nice.
Listen, here's how it's going to be.
After supper, I'll say, oh, Miss Sharon, I
do wish we had some cards so we
could have a hand of whisks.
Well, Miss Sharon's crazy about whisks.
So she'll say, I'll go and get mine.
That's where you come in.
How?
It's simple, you'll say.
If you will permit me, Miss Sharon, I
should consider it a very great privilege to
come with you, you'll say.
So will all those other wolves.
You just leave them to me.
When you get Miss Sharon over to the
Emporium, well, the rest is up to you.
Knowing how you work, I guess I won't
have to tell you anything more.
Hey, Squibb, Gill, what's keeping you two?
We're coming.
I guess we'd better go now.
You know how people talk.
Yeah.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday, dear Squibby.
Happy birthday, dear Squibby.
Happy birthday to you.
Why, Mr. Pratt, 14 candles.
I'm only 13.
Do we eat now?
No.
Yes, there's Miss Sharon coming now.
Hello, everybody.
Hello.
Happy birthday, darling.
Hello.
Hello.
He would come.
I hope you don't mind.
No.
Mr. Claiborne always said the more the merrier.
Thanks, Squibb.
It's all right.
It's all right.
I got it.
Good evening, Miss Sharon.
Good evening, Mr. Pratt.
Happy birthday, Squibb.
I brought you a present.
Oh, thanks.
I bet nobody can guess what it is.
Cards.
Well.
Oh, it's a good game of solitaire.
We can play casino.
Isn't that dandy?
Yes, just what I needed.
Oh, you know some tricks?
Oh, I know a couple.
Say, that's all right.
Oh, uh, Squibb, watch this one.
It's called accordion shuffle.
Oh, that's too bad, Squibb.
I'm sorry.
That's funny.
First time I ever saw a mess.
Well, that's the end of the year.
Looks like it, doesn't it?
Well, as Mr. Claiborne always said, there's no
use crying over spilt milk.
That's it, girl.
We'll get some more tomorrow.
Yes, we might as well eat that.
Suits me.
You know, Squibb, we're actually celebrating two birthdays
today.
Is it your birthday, too?
No, no, my windmills.
It's all set up.
Is it working?
Slick as a whistle.
Well, Johnny, what you doing here?
I should think you'd be a little wise.
That's right where I would be, if there
was any wind.
That's right.
Help yourself.
I'll open my present.
There you are.
I was hungry.
I've been saving up.
I ain't had yet today.
It's a shame I wasn't able.
After you weed, better haggis.
Haggis?
What's that?
Where you take some meal and some raisins
and you put it into the stomach of
a sheep.
Don't thanks.
I'd rather have ham.
I'm sure of that.
You selling?
No, thanks.
I don't have one.
Johnny, look.
There she blows.
Excuse me.
What is it, Johnny?
The wind.
My windmill.
Ain't you hungry?
It's a shame Johnny had to lease us
on him.
That's all the more for us.
Here.
You have that.
Give me some.
Oh, well.
Never mind, lassie.
Never mind.
I don't want to overindulge myself, Mr. Prout,
but you better let me have a little
of that ham and some of the turkey
and maybe another biscuit.
If only Cher and I do wish Mr.
Farhan as well to come.
All right.
We could have had a game of whist
if we had some cards.
Don't worry, dear.
I'll get mine.
Oh, that's very kind of you, Miss Sharon.
If you will permit me, I should consider
it a very great privilege to go with
you.
Thank you.
I'll get your coat.
Thank you, Squid.
Well, I guess I might as well leave.
There ain't many of us left, is there?
Come on.
Let's stay here, huh?
I'll tell you what.
We'll let the cards aside.
High hand wins.
Just a minute.
I'll deal.
Three queens.
Three queens, huh?
Yeah.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
Shall we continue with your piano lessons?
No, thanks.
It's beautiful.
And effective.
Mr. Farrar, haven't you any conscience at all?
Precious little.
Dreadful person.
A rat, definitely.
Tricky.
Shiftless.
But clever.
No, not so clever.
Because I'm going to say something I never
figured I'd say.
Something I shouldn't say and something you shouldn't
listen to.
Miss Sharon, if you were to marry me,
say, the day after tomorrow, it would be
a very foolish but a very wonderful thing
for you to do.
I'm giving you something very special to say
it to.
It would be so very simple, Gil, if
we could do something about that other me.
What other you?
The me that belongs out there.
The me that slices the bacon, wraps up
the groceries, keeps the books and walks off
the merchandise to show a 50% profit.
The me that's looking forward to a future
as secure and well-ordered as a bank.
That me says no.
What about the other you?
Go away!
Will you please go away?
What's the matter, Gil?
Would you like that one?
Maybe you like this one.
This is the one we use for that
girl in Abilene.
Remember?
Colonel Bird?
Huh?
What do you suppose they're doing up there?
I mean, Ms. Sheeran and him.
Well, right now and offhand, I'd say that
they were just...
Hey, Squip, why don't you run along home?
Must be wonderful.
Colonel Bird, have you ever been up on
a roof with a girl in the moonlight?
Yeah.
Once I was.
Yeah, but she pushed me off.
Hey, Squip, don't you think you'd better skitter
along?
No.
I'm going to wait and find out what
happened.
I'd better take Clemens' cake before it's all
gone.
Colonel Bird, do you suppose I made a
mistake?
I mean, about giving him up to Ms.
Sheeran?
You know, maybe after all, I was the
kind of woman he really needed.
He's asleep.
It would save him right if I had
his cake.
They're gone.
Clem, wake up!
Come on, Clem.
He's dead.
What does that mean?
I don't know.
We'd better go get Mr. Farr.
That's right.
Get him.
This shoelace was around poor Clem's neck.
I guess he got too close to those
bars.
Come on, Squip.
You go home and stay there.
Go on.
Do as I tell you.
Come on, George.
It's a windmill.
It was terrible.
When Mr. Bird tried to give him his
cake, he just sort of fell over, dead.
He'd been strangled with his shoelace.
It's the devil's own work.
You mean it's Todd Shelby's work.
Mr. Farr said Clem got too near to
the bars.
And, Mr. Pratt, you know what he wrote
on the marshal's office?
What?
Todd Shelby wrote, You dogs have had your
day.
No.
Yes, with shoe blackened.
You dogs have had your day.
Dogs, you have had your day.
No, no, Squip.
Todd Shelby didn't write that.
Then who did?
It was Alexander Pope.
I don't doubt Todd Shelby put that on
the wall.
But the words were written by Alexander Pope.
Let's see.
Dogs, you have had your day.
Here it is.
Dogs, you have had your day.
It's about a man who come home from
a long voyage to find his house despoiled,
his worldly goods dissipated, his land and cattle
gone.
His name was Ulysses.
I remember what Mr. Claiborne said.
He said Louis Redstock came back from Europe
to find the settlers had taken everything.
Just like Ulysses.
That's what he said.
Louis Redstock?
Mr. Claiborne said that?
Yes.
What else does it say?
What does it say came next?
The hour of vengeance wretches now is come.
Impending fate is yours and instant doom.
Mrs. Randy, quick.
And furthermore...
How do I get that down?
Very good.
Almost as Mr. Claiborne himself.
I see, but it's no good enough.
We'll start again.
We accuse Louis Redstock...
That's it, that's it, that's it.
Get it down.
Wait, wait, wait.
We, the editors and publishers of the Santa
Marta Clarion, do hereby publicly brand and accuse
Louis Redstock of the brutal murder of Clem
Baldry.
Well, before I knew what was happening, a
rope dropped over my neck and jerked me
off my feet.
The next...
Over by Bill Martin's corral.
Keep the door locked.
No, no, no, Johnny.
You mustn't.
In the office of the town bus...
Wait a minute.
Remember what Mr. Claiborne used to say about
an honest newspaper?
Maybe it'd be a good idea to stick
that in too.
Aye, how did it go now?
Well, Mr. Claiborne always said that an honest
newspaper was a small sort of justice.
He said that when a scoundrel has entrenched
himself beyond the reach of the law, it's
a bounden duty of a newspaper to shout
his witness from the housetops.
Aye, I see.
We'll put that in.
Win the scoundrel.
Don't you touch him, Mr. Redstock!
Don't you touch him!
Is Bill Martin all right?
Yes.
Mr. Clary!
Rich!
Rich!
She's dead.
She's been shot.
The kid's
dead, Redstock.
You've got about one minute to say anything
that's on your mind.
Odd how history repeats itself, isn't it?
75 years ago, my grandfather was killed by
the Apaches here, in this very room.
In fact, he was standing right here, where
I am standing now.
He was attempting to defend Santa Marta against
a horde of savages.
Ironic, isn't it, Mr. Farrar, that I should
die here, too?
Attempting to defend the Santa Marta of my
generation against another kind of savage.
White riffraff.
Land grabbers.
They swarmed in like locusts.
All the off-scouring of the frontier that
could turn a wheel or steal a horse.
They drove off my cattle.
They fenced in my waterholes.
They plowed up my river pastures.
And like a hideous, leprous growth, their filthy
shacks engulfed my hacienda itself.
What was there for me to do, Mr.
Farrar?
To devote my entire life to destroying them
and drive that scum from Santa Marta.
Have you finished?
No, not quite.
The savage that killed my grandfather, Mr. Farrar,
was standing exactly where you are standing now.
Hey, you!
You all right?
Yes, sir.
Farrar!
Hey!
Help yourself.
It's on the house.
No tequila, Gil?
We was worried for a minute.
What's the matter with you, George?
Oh, another inch in there to put a
hole in me belt.
Pull up your shirt.
Let's get a look at it.
No.
Go on.
Pull up your shirt.
No.
Sierra.
Oh, no!
Now, George, take it easy.
You know you're not well.
I am too, Mr. Farrar.
I'm too well.
I've been well for a week.
Oh, let me in my pants.
Now, lie down and relax.
Go on.
Oh, what's the idea of keeping me here,
making out like I was dying?
Hey, Sierra.
I can get up, can't I?
No, George, my friend.
You must not get up.
There, you see?
We're your friends.
We know what's best for you.
Well, when can I get up?
Oh, today, maybe.
As soon as the preacher goes away.
Preacher?
What's the preacher got to do with my
staying in bed?
It's very simple, George.
Today the preacher is in town.
Tomorrow he will be gone for three months.
Huh?
Sure, my friend.
And without the preacher, how can Gil marry
the beautiful Miss Sharon?
Are you accusing me of trying to jilt
the most wonderful girl in the world just
because I have to set up night and
day with a wounded pal?
It's a fine thing when my two best
friends want to misunderstand me.
You know how I feel about Miss Sharon.
She's the sweetest, loveliest, most unusual girl I've
ever met.
I'd marry her in a minute if I
didn't have to stay.
Oh, it's good you feel that way, Gil.
Because she's waiting with the preacher now.
She is?
Si, amigo.
Now, therefore, I pronounce you husband and wife.
Oh, Gil, my friend, I'm sorry.
I just remembered.
I forgot to tell you Miss Sharon's message.
What message?
Oh, she said many beautiful words.
But mostly she said that she wished very
much that you would be very happy and,
and what?
Oh, I forgot what she called it.
Come on.
Oh, yes, I remember, amigo.
It was something about, about the other me.
Lucky, would you like to kiss the bride?
No, go ahead.
I hate you.
Mucha vida, guapa.
Mucha felicidad.
Gracias.
Y muchos deditos.
Hey.
Hey, fellas.
Wait a minute.
Three days ago you said we was in
California.
Are we still in California?
Yes, we will be for a few more
days, George.
Well, anyhow, my feet don't hurt.
Transcription and translation (AI) for english by Kasamaruti/GM JUL 2025
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