Original subtitles

A whole lifetime of lying.

Broken promises.

She had to go.

I have just stood there and watched you sell a paint in your stolen car.

No, no you haven't.

You watched me sell two stolen cars welded together.

Oh, help me pick, Mary.

Find me a looker. Sorry, you are?

Jane.

His ex -wife.

Mother of his daughter.

He gave me his number.

And he said I'm to call him any time.

Between two and three.

Morning, John.

What time did Paulie leave last night?

Dunno. Around midnight.

Did she really burn all of Charlie's things?

Everything, Baz.

Right down to his socks.

It's called purging, Dad.

She purged, and good on her, I say. He knew he was on his last chance.

I know, I know.

Fool me once, shame on me.

Fool me twice, shame on you.

Me? What?

What? No, don't confuse him with Proverbs, Lisa. He's only just got up.

Yeah, but he's not.

What are you, laying about clothes?

Taking the day off, aren't I? Oh, are you now?

All right, that's all.

See you, Dad.

No, I think I deserve a day off.

I've been under a lot of pressure.

Need I remind you, I am now the product of a broken home.

Again. It's a hard knock life for us. It's a hard knock life. Too soon, Baz.

Yeah, I think that's a bit inappropriate, Dad.

Sorry, sorry.

Anyway. You think he's gonna be all right?

I don't know.

Probably not for a while.

I mean, you don't just get past something like this overnight, do you?

Oh, God, it wasn't all a dream, then.

Morning.

Roger, could you give us a minute, please?

Do you mind if I finish this in the sitting room?

Come here, you.

Now, did I tell you last night how beautiful you are?

Yeah.

Come here.

God,

you've got a big hug.

Why don't you go through there and watch some cartoons with Uncle Roger?

What?

Fergie, who is he and why is he living with you?

Well, that's not really the question of the day, is it?

Now, you said you'd explain everything in the morning. It is now 8 .30.

At 8 .45, I'll be leaving for work, so I'd start now if I were you.

It's my husband.

Wayne. Warren.

Warren. Wayne. Whatever. Why are you here?

What is it? Has he left you?

No. God hasn't left me.

I mean, technically we are apart, but that's not by choice.

He's been indicted.

All right.

Tell me what's happened.

Right. I'm off to work.

Give us a cuddle. I wish I could take you with me.

I should take you to work with me.

I'm the co -managing director.

We should insist on a creche policy.

Er, no.

What about me?

Oh, I don't think you'd get away with being a toddler, Dad.

Maybe if you lost the tash.

Look, I meant, what do I do all day while you're whisking her off?

There's your answer.

Shut up.

Have you given her a...

No.

You must have forgotten to lock it when Pauline left last night.

Dan, if you left the door open all night, anybody could have wandered in.

what's new?

Barry! Right.

I'm off to work.

I'll see you later tonight.

Look, it is in there.

Oh.

Oh, there you are.

Didn't you hear me shouting?

Go on and get your computer, the laptop thingy. It's through here.

We're going to see if I've had any replies to my dating application.

Great.

The house.

It was under the firm's name. Everything we had was under the firm's name. And

it's all been frozen, all of it.

Pending investigation, whatever that was. You know full well what that means.

means he's being investigated.

They tend to do that when the head of an accountancy firm gets charged with

embezzlement.

It's all just a misunderstanding, that's all.

Our lawyer says it'll be out by the end of the month and then we'll sue them.

Sue who?

Whoever. I don't know. Anyone.

And until then?

I didn't know where else to go, Fergus.

It was either here or... ..my mother's house.

You do remember my mother, don't you?

God, yeah.

I could hardly put Emily through that, could I? God, no.

Jane,

this is all true, isn't it?

What is that supposed to mean?

Well, you do have something of a track record when it comes to telling the

truth. Well, I'm not the only one, am I?

How is Denise?

Touché.

Look, I really do have to go, OK? But we'll talk about all this tonight and

out what we're going to do.

So, we can stay?

Well, I'm hardly going to throw my own daughter out on the street now, am I?

Even if she does come as part of a package.

Where's Emily?

Oh, my God.

Where's she gone?

Did you see her?

She must have, you know, wandered through the door and I accidentally put

lock on.

Daddy's got a lot of work, OK, but why don't you come with me?

So, did you find out why they're here?

Yes. Well, and? Well, I'll explain it all to you later. I've got to get to

Yes, but how long are they staying?

I don't know. How long are you staying? How long is anybody staying?

See? It's supposed to be my bachelor pad.

Casa del Fergus.

I think you mean Casa de Fergus, because Fergus is the mascot.

Find a job.

St. Francis of Assisi.

Who?

Is Greg decent?

No, he's a stark bollock naked.

Come in and see for yourself.

He's in the bathroom.

So, did you two manage to sort your differences out last night?

Nothing to sort out.

Right, well, don't forget the vicar's coming over today to talk you both

preps, and Greg needs to speak to Dan about best man duties, and you need to

start writing your vows. Oh!

Can't you do it?

Haven't I done enough?

I'm practically PA, stroke wedding planner, stroke guidance counsellor, as

is. And a very beautiful -looking one at that.

I'm not eight, Mum.

That doesn't work on me anymore.

I bet it does a bit.

Ella, I know you must be angry about your dad.

I'm not angry.

Well, upset then.

He said not everyone gets closure and not everyone deserves it. I mean, what

does that even mean?

I suppose it means what it says.

Mum, you are happy, aren't you?

You don't regret it? No, no, I don't.

He's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Present company accepted.

He's also about to come out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel

and some soap, so... Right.

Um, vicar, best man, vows.

No excuses.

Not funny, Jo.

It is.

Who exactly was he texting?

His mum.

Anyway, it wasn't a complete loss.

We got the perp's car, at least. You can call it that.

Two hatchbacks stitched together.

Not a bad job, actually.

You can hardly see the seams.

So that's a much bigger deal than someone driving without papers.

And definitely worth following up.

Sooner get the crew putting those things out on the road than the morons who

actually buy them.

Finn?

It's ten o 'clock.

Yeah, I know.

What time does your senior bar manager normally arrive for work?

I'm the senior bar manager.

No, you're not. You're the landlord.

There's a world of difference.

Right, now, I'm not wearing one of them T -shirts you've got your dolly birds

wandering around in. Or if I am, I want it to be a different colour. One that

denotes superiority.

I feel like I'm missing out on the middle part of the conversation here.

taking you up on your offer.

I'm accepting the job.

I thought you were going away on tour.

Circumstances have changed.

The tour's cancelled and the senior bar manager position has been filled.

Hmm. I remember the word bar. I don't quite remember saying senior or manager,

though. I know. That's because we're negotiating.

We are?

Yeah. And no offence, but you're not doing very well.

You haven't told me yet how much more per hour I'll be earning than the rest

the staff.

Five pounds.

Six. Plus, I want first dibs on overtime.

Welcome home.

So how long's she staying?

No idea.

Gonna have to just talk it all through with her tonight.

I'm gonna have to start trying to find her a flat or something.

And not yet.

Got to get him a place, not to mention a job.

Two weeks at me new house, Lisa, two weeks.

Now it's full of waifs and strays.

I feel like Oscar bloody Schindler.

Well, you do like making lists.

So, um, does Denise know about Jane? I mean, them two never exactly... No, no,

she doesn't, so let's just keep that in the down low, OK?

I've got enough things to be worrying about.

Oh, here she is now, so let's just stop it. There.

What are you doing?

Texting Jenna. Why?

Yeah. Oh,

what are those?

Ah, they're for you. They came this morning.

Oh, they're from Adam.

Probably from his secretary.

So tonight is it a little date?

Yeah, we're going to Maluti's. Oh, posh. Not that posh.

Hello. What are you doing here?

Oh, you know, just passing.

Just passing?

You work next door.

Well, we could have a quick coffee before we start the day.

Oh, what a good idea.

Let's go into my office.

Would you like to join us, Denise?

Um, yeah, OK.

Lisa?

It's an infection, Perk.

You can't put that.

Why not?

Because it's too suggestive.

It's not too suggestive. He started it. He messaged me first.

Yes, but his message didn't sound like a scene from Fifty Shades, did it?

You're too old -fashioned, Barry.

This is how we silver surfers roll these days.

Get with the times, Grandad.

Done.

She's more interested in all kinds of sport.

Football, comma, hockey, comma, bedroom.

She's even underlined bedroom.

And then she's put a winky smiley. It's too forward, isn't it?

Dan? There.

Thanks.

You sent it?

All right, mate. One drink for you. I'll try it in a minute. Of course I have.

Cal, great.

Brother, I'm off now.

Bye.

Actually, I mean... Yeah, yeah. Good idea. What have you... Hey.

We worry about you.

Worry about me?

You're not my mum, you know.

You're not my big sister, neither.

Hang on.

How come she gets to be the big sister?

She doesn't. Neither of you get to be anything. That's my point.

Yeah, well, I know that.

But if you're going on age, then... Either you or the mum deal with it.

And Denise, we're not trying to lecture you or anything.

Yeah, you are.

You're trying to tell me who I should or shouldn't date.

No, we just don't want you to limit your options, that's all.

He's handsome.

He is.

He's got a good job. He's got a future.

And he's single.

He sent me flowers. He's asked me out for a meal.

What's wrong with that?

All the blokes I met when I was modelling every day was trying to get me

hotel room.

Denise, I know him.

No, you don't know him.

You just don't like him, cos when he lived next door, he made you cut down an

apple tree or something.

Plum?

You don't like him, cos he cut you out of a photo and called you Linda.

Barely give that a second thought.

If he turns out to be an armpit... What?

Denise doesn't swear.

If he does...

then that is something I am quite capable of working out for myself.

I'm not a little girl, and I don't appreciate being patriotised.

It's the, um... It's the light in here.

And you wear more make -up than me.

Whatever you say.

Mum.

Something on your mind, Margaret?

What do you mean?

Nothing.

So, what's up?

Oh, not a lot. I'm supposed to talk to you about best man duties, but listen,

it's not a big deal. We don't want a speech. We don't want... No!

Greg, you haven't, um, actually asked me to be your best man.

Just assumed it was obvious.

Who else would it be?

That's not the point.

You need to ask me.

Shall I get down on one knee, too? That won't be necessary. Just ask me

properly, Dan.

Would you do me the honour, et cetera, et cetera.

Dan, would you do me the honour, et cetera, et cetera. Look, can we just get

please? I'm strapped enough about this wedding as it is.

Don't tell me you're getting cold feet.

No, no, no, it's just... Things are weird, that's all.

Everything was perfect, right up to a month ago when we actually set the date,

and now... You know Bradley's not coming, don't you? Good. No, it's not

Dan. It's weird. Just like everything else.

The way him and her are together now, it's just... I don't know.

The minute we set that date, he changed and she changed.

With each other.

Overnight.

You're not saying that you think they'll, um... You've got 20 years of

Dan.

16 of which were spent on the run.

I doubt either of them look back on it fondly.

Pre -wedding paranoia.

That's all this is. There's nothing going on there.

You and her are still good, aren't you?

Actually, I don't know. I don't even laugh at night.

You make it sound like it's the first one you've ever had.

Seriously?

In two years?

Yeah.

Well, any kind of tension, usually, and we just sort of laugh.

I have a big laughing fit.

No, we haven't done that for about two weeks either.

Greg, I want to make sure I've got this absolutely clear.

You're worried because your fiancée isn't speaking to her psycho ex.

You've had one argument in two years, and it's been 14 whole days since you

thought about laughing like a couple of loonies.

Well... Yeah.

You're an idiot!

This is all going in me best man speech.

We don't want a speech.

Tough. And don't let your Freudian slip get cold.

Yeah.

I don't see what the big problem is.

And this guy buys these parts from how many other garages in the area? How

should I know?

What does it matter?

It matters because they're going to trace them back to him, aren't they?

And they're going to want a lift.

If he was helped, it's ten places, then we'll probably be okay.

Five, and we're pushing it.

One, then we're all off to fucking prison, aren't we?

Christ's sake!

I think nothing that can be traced back. What's wrong with you? Hey, I am still

your boss, you know. Oh, what are you going to do?

Port me to HR?

Huh?

I'm the second wreck that they are.

You can't do that.

I can.

Because I need to think about how to handle this.

Since you obviously can't.

Ben, what's going on?

Nothing.

I need a drink. Come on.

Excuse me?

I was sitting there.

Well, now, that can't be true, can it? Otherwise I'd be sitting on you.

Why is it staring at me?

She likes you.

Why? I have no idea.

I'm going to go out now.

I'm going to do some job hunting.

Job hunting? Oh.

So you mean you're not Fergie's living money?

No, I'm not.

Hello.

Look, don't even want to talk about it, OK? You've made your mind up. That's it.

Have two bottles of lager, please.

Is he driving?

He can have a bottle.

Well, that depends who's getting in the car with him.

Here you go, Somby. Mrs J, you're back.

Was there ever any doubt?

On the house.

Excuse me.

On the house.

Why, thank you, Dad.

Afternoon, Pauline.

What? I'm back.

Right.

Have you been somewhere, then? Oh, it don't matter.

How are you, anyway?

Still off the booze, I hope?

Well, I'm off the spirits.

I occasionally allow myself a half pint in times of extreme stress.

Oh, yeah?

Half pint, please.

Barry! Barry!

I was obviously coming back, wasn't I?

Shut up, look!

Right. Hang on. What do you mean, we?

I need you to come with me, don't I?

You can sit discreetly nearby.

What for?

Barry, I don't know this man from Adam.

He could be one of them serial killers you sometimes get.

They don't look like a serial killer.

They never do, do they?

This is how them can get away with it.

How we done?

Best man talk.

As per our instructions.

Yeah, and Grace will be all right to hang out here for a bit. There's a

next door. It's a madhouse here. There's a sodding vicar in the living room.

She's been waiting for half an hour.

Oh, pissing hell, I forgot about that.

Excuse me.

I can hear you all, you know.

Right.

Bye.

What are we going to do?

Get it back.

Get what back?

From the impound lot?

It's not Pleasantella.

Not the Met.

There's nobody in the car park at night.

I've been there with Dad loads of times, and there's a button for the gate in

this little security hut thing.

I know he's got a spare key for it at home, but it's not a problem.

Stealing a car from the police station isn't a problem.

Stealing it back.

I'm leaving in three months and I'm probably going to have to spend that

visiting you in prison.

Look, Ella, it's risk -free.

I promise.

Why?

What time are we going to do it then?

Sorry?

Ella, you're not coming with me.

Why not?

Finn, either it's risk -free or it's not.

So which is it?

So you're living with Ferger?

Yes.

And you're not a novelist?

No. Well, what are you, then?

I don't know.

I wasn't supposed to be like this.

You know, when I left the church, I thought, I don't know, I might not

in what is named.

upstairs anymore, but I still believed in fate, destiny.

I never assumed that I'd find something.

I assumed that I'd be here for a reason, a purpose.

A calling.

Oh, yes, like a calling.

Oh, get off!

Mrs Roberts, how are you?

That new vicar told my Lionel to take his wig off.

Oh, that... That's a week.

She said it counted as headwear.

Where does it say in the Bible you're not allowed headwear in church?

Oh, I don't know. The footnotes?

We don't like her.

That, that is not my calling.

Here we go.

Once again, I'm very sorry about the sodding vicar and the pissing hell

Why are you repeating it?

She doesn't mind.

I'm sure she's heard worse. I bet everyone goes a bit mental before their

wedding, don't they? Not everyone.

No.

So, you've both been married before, then?

Yes. Plus, Greg's been engaged a couple of times before, haven't you, Greg?

Three times, actually.

Yeah. So, you know. We know the drill.

Right.

I haven't actually got your divorce date down on here. When was it?

God.

I don't know.

I lose track of time. When was it? Was he still in Britain, then?

Britain? Oh, he's out now.

He just bought a pub up the road, the Dog and Dart.

Is that the one that burnt down?

Yes, that's the one. My daughter was in that fire.

It's all right. She got out.

Oh, um... Why don't you two tell me how you first met?

Well...

I'm off.

Denise?

I'm sorry.

OK?

It wasn't my place. You were right.

I hope you have a nice night.

Thank you.

I'll text you later.

He is a prick, though, isn't he?

I'm not stupid, am I?

He is a prick.

He did seem like one, yeah. Exactly.

And Jenna doesn't look younger than me, does she?

What's that got to do with it?

I suppose we'd better head home now, too.

I suppose.

Come on.

Give us a lift.

It'll let you put off the inevitable for another ten minutes.

Through.

I'll get my stuff.

I'm exploring my options. Right, I'm cooking.

Well, so?

So, it's a special meal for all of us. It's just a little thank you to Fergie

for letting us stay.

I like to cook alone.

Besides, looks like Emily wants to play a little ball game there with you.

Oh, what?

Thank you.

Yeah, I think we're both in tonight. Why?

Because I've got to go in and run her a date.

You do? What for?

Oh, God.

You're not getting into swinging, are you? No, I am not.

Hey, I watched a documentary about that lot the other night.

How come they're always fatties?

Barry, why are you going on her date with her?

Because she's worried that this fella could be a serial killer.

Oh, I see.

Fair enough.

Just out of interest, if he is a serial killer, what exactly does she expect you

to do about it?

I don't know, really.

He's probably not, though.

I think they're quite rare.

Hmm.

Yay! No, no, no. You threw a five, not a six.

So, there.

Now, look here, bride of Chucky, if you continue to cheat on me... You are so

clever, isn't it? Well done.

She beat me. She beat me.

Where's Jane?

Hey! You're home!

Yes, I am. So why don't we go into the other room and have that chat? Later.

Later. I have cooked us all dinner.

Mum!

Sit! Sit! There you go. It's all good.

I don't want any of it going away.

When exactly did you learn to do all this? She used to burn coffee.

That's in five years, you know, Fergie.

People do change.

I mean, look at you.

Come on, then.

Tuck in.

Get out of here.

Go.

To you.

8 .30 then.

I'll meet you out here.

You think tagging along is somehow going to stop me doing it, don't you?

No. Eight there.

Are you Ella?

Yeah. Poor child.

It's not gone.

Oh, dear.

Not especially.

How about yours?

Well, we... Yeah,

I'm just going to be upstairs, OK?

You look wow.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Well, no.

Yeah, I'm actually with them.

Yeah, well, just give me the short version.

There he is.

Hey.

Pleased to meet you.

All right.

What are you doing here? Having a life.

What about you?

I'm a wingman.

Well, that's not tragic at all.

Pine? Yeah.

Hey,

you do realise she fell asleep ten minutes ago?

What?

No, I was reading one, so why didn't you tell me?

I kind of wanted to know how it ended, Michele.

On his first sleepover.

How did you think it was going to end? A car chase?

Hey, this must be the first time we've had an evening to ourselves since...

I'll run the bath.

I'll get the wine.

All right, bye.

Sorry about that.

It's OK.

I'm doing some building work in the park.

The old one, you know?

Seems to have upset a few people.

Not many.

Just my boobs, probably.

Um... You do know I'm a mother?

You? No. Huh?

Yeah, uh, Josh.

He's four.

Right.

He's not playing at yours tonight, though.

Uh... No, he's, uh... He's at me mum's.

Right.

Huh?

Do you need a couple more minutes?

Yeah. Um...

Oh, actually, I'm ready to order.

Um, I'll have the chicken cacciatore, the turkey milanese and

the garlic poquette, please.

That three main courses?

I like to pick a mix.

You, um, don't mind, do you?

Well, whatever the lady wants.

And a bottle of... Champagne, please.

OK.

Complete washout, especially my potatoes.

Anyway, after the flooding, I had to get myself a third allotment. And you'll

never guess where that one was.

Up the Deans.

What? You know, where I'd had my first one. I'd gone full circle.

Oh, right.

Unbelievable what life can throw at you.

I really should have rang to check

on her earlier. It's in my head now.

What part of this scenario made you start thinking about your mother?

She likes candles.

Daniela!

It's Bradley.

What?

Bradley.

Oh, give it here, you great blouse. Hello.

Bradley? What are you doing with Pauline's mouth?

My new senior bar manager is currently serving a customer.

So, um, she's all right, then?

Yeah. Is there any reason why she shouldn't be?

No. No, no, no, great.

Friday, or he's going to send her the finger.

What?

She's fine, you twonk.

She's got a job back at the dog.

She's what?

Can we move on from your mother now, please?

She's working for him. I don't really want to think about Bradley right now,

either.

Mind you, he has got that dark, brooding, dangerous kind of thing. Yes,

thank you.

Maybe we should get back to us.

Maybe we should.

Your three courses.

Yummy.

Yeah, I'll take that. Thank you. I'll go and fetch yours.

Enjoy.

thank you for a lovely evening you are?

I've got your number bye

Gone to the toilet.

Unfortunately, he'll probably come back.

I've salad less boring than him.

So, sack him off.

Oh, Eve, too nice.

I don't want to hurt the idiot feelings.

Oh, well, maybe you'll get lucky and he'll sack you off.

Hello.

Right, listen.

I've got an idea.

Why are you doing this?

Finn, you're wasting time.

Yeah.

We wouldn't want to do that, would we?

You don't think we can make it where long distance, do you?

No, Finn, that's what you think.

Ella.

Have you seen you?

Do you know what other people are there?

You coming, then, or what?

Uh, hello.

Arthur, this is Barry.

What's crack -a -lackin'? Nice to meet you.

So, are you two friends, then, or, uh... Oh, Barry's my husband.

What?

Sorry, I'm a bit confused. Barry?

You'll never guess.

Arthur's owned three allotments.

Three? Yeah.

Look, what's... You'll have to tell us about them.

Back at ours.

Listen here.

Look. I think you've got hold of the wrong end of the stick.

I'm not... I don't... Excuse me.

Sorry. Excuse me.

I love you.

I love you too.

So, I don't think you've got anything to worry about, do you?

Apart from being in the stolen car, I mean.

Oh, shit!

passenger. And I ride and I ride.

I ride through the city backsides.

I see the stars come out of the sky.

Yeah, the bright and hollow sky.

You know it looks so good tonight.

passenger. I stay under glass.

I look through my window so bright.

I see the stars come out tonight.

You're going to have to have a word with Lisa. She'll have to get in every

bugger stopping over tomorrow night.

What's he playing at, Dan? No end parties, we said.

When you find him, all the bad ones that came before, they just won't matter

anymore.

Hey, I'm watching that, isn't it?

You don't think so?

That's the next time I see you. I'll be in front of the vicar.

Catwoman, yeah?

Hey, where's the bride?

Things get quiet this evening. Is she all right?