Original subtitles

I would have knocked Bjorn, but I was otherwise engaged.

It is not the asking, but the bidding, as we say at home.

I couldn't agree with you more.

You have the desktop agitation with the levers?

The very latest model.

You can feel the worries queuing up to jump overboard, can't you?

There's a mistake, surely.

Bung one of those on your desk, Bjorn, and your agitation levels will be in the

basement before you know it.

Mr. Daly, desktop meant for a computer.

Advanced graphics, VGA.

Bjorn, computers do not relieve stress. They cause it. Ask anyone.

I hope Mr. Jorgensen agrees with you.

It's the brave man who walks backwards into the cave of the snowcat.

The list is down to one page.

Bjorn. I detect a note of dread.

No need. By the time Mr. Jorgensen makes his recce, daily enterprises will have

delivered. He arrives at six tomorrow.

Everything will be here on time. You have the daily guarantee.

That is good.

Because if the goods are not here, you will not be paid.

Have I got a treat for you, Ray.

Nice body work.

It's a lovely little vehicle.

There's nothing wrong with how it looks, Tiny.

All right, so the steering's a bit on the heavy side. And I'll admit, the

have got a touch of the old Telly Savalas.

But basically, it's a sound car.

Five. I'll give you three.

Four. Three -two -five.

Three -fifty, and I'll sling in a logbook that swears that Elvis used to

Oh, she'll miss this little motor.

It's a thoroughbred, Ray.

Are you sure you're not getting out of your dip?

The secret of business success, Dave, is never to be intimidated by the matter

in hand.

You do not climb Everest by standing at the bottom and thinking how slippery it

looks. But what do you know about aqua massage pools?

Very good if you do a lot of heavy lifting work. I thought you might stick

in that cubbyhole by the cellar.

I don't see what's wrong with that bar to drop a ride on. I couldn't agree

Dave. But the fact is, there are thousands of jittery individuals looking

professional help on the unwinding front.

And they pay good money.

These low prices you're charging. I mean, don't pay for the instruction

and art with these things.

Well, that's because I got most of the stuff through my usual outlets. I didn't

have to go through the official channels.

You sure, Arthur?

You cannot tell the difference, Dave. I mean, these brochures are all right for

giving you an idea of what the customer has in mind.

But you only use them as a guideline, not gospel.

I'd better see if I understand those orders.

Is Ray delivering this stuff?

Yeah, with outside help.

Who are you using?

Dipso Pete.

You're joking. No, no, no. He's off it.

Well... Most of the time.

Well, best of luck, Arthur. I shall keep my fingers crossed for you. No need,

Dave. In the words of Sir Edmund, nothing is insurmountable if you've got

sherpas.

What are you doing?

Charlie brought it in.

It's not brilliant, but we'll make a few quid on it. How much you pay?

Three and a half.

you'd have a completely different attitude to life, Ray, if you'd suffered

indignities of rationing. Yeah, what are you doing?

You'd be less likely to register as a charity and more inclined to hang on to

your assets.

Arthur, that is far too high.

Price one car low in a collection and you cast aspersions on all the others.

Yeah, but come on, Arthur. I mean, there's mark -up and then there's mark

couldn't agree with you more.

Yorn's getting in a twitch about everything arriving on time. You did

-check them lists, didn't you? Travel -checked. Good. Pop hold of this. I want

you in constant touch.

What for?

I'm not taking any chances.

All history's great disasters have been heralded by a moment of seemingly

inconsequential risk -taking.

I mean, think of our cricket team.

One man's bowl of prawns becomes a nation's humiliation.

Look, I've been through every single thing on Bjorn's list. Good boy.

All that reminds me, all that bump you put together about stress management

down very well at the American end.

You, uh... You might find a little something extra in your wage packet at

end of the month.

Look, I'll pop over to Axel or Addie.

You sort out the jacuzzis with Fitness Freddy, all right? Yeah, I thought we

weren't supposed to call them jacuzzis anymore. Only in front of people who

for aqua massager pools.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Oh. Are you collecting?

Pardon? I do apologise. I don't think we got the envelope.

Here. Always happy to help a lady of the cloth.

Thank you. Now, when you've done that... I like this one.

I'm delighted. We do have a fairly extensive range.

I'd like to buy it.

It's exactly what I've been looking for.

Would you care to sit in?

Bless you.

And that is a very competitive price, as I'm sure you've already noticed.

Arthur! It's not worth Arthur.

Ray, worth is measured by what people are prepared to pay for something.

Now, come on, on your way. The clock's ticking.

Arthur, she's enough.

That fact had not gone unnoticed.

That motor is the perfect little runaround for her.

Arthur, you couldn't... Watch.

Arthur's got his hands full, Freddie. He wants me to check that everything's

ready to go for tomorrow.

You can wheel them straight out the doors.

I wouldn't recommend lifting them without a winch, though.

They're into hernia territory, Ray.

How come you never fitted them? I started thinking about the bacteria.

All that hot water and all them different people getting in and out all

Yeah, but the chemicals would kill everything.

It's easy for you to say, Ray. Strapping lad, fit.

You've got to think of God's more fragile creatures.

Come on, I'll show you the fitment.

It's a lovely saint.

And the matching colour's very agreeable, if I may say so.

I'll have it. You won't regret it. Will you take a check?

Ah, er, er, er... Yeah.

Oh,

er, would you excuse me a moment, madam?

Arthur, I don't believe it. Is there a reason for this visit? Or have you

decided the deadline we're working to is a bit on the generous side? Arthur,

you're ripping her off.

Sister Angelica is delighted with her purchase. Who am I to stand in the way

such happiness?

I just hope nothing goes wrong with it, Arthur. You've got to remember who she

works for. Don't be ridiculous.

You thought a mason's looked after her own. You just wait.

Ray, I have personally ridden in that motor, and it is well worthy of its

stamp of quality control.

Arthur, you gave one of them a Ronnie Clark's cabriolet.

Freak Gus the Wind Ray. How was Freddy? The jacuzzis are fine. Well, he's a bit

worried he might have rabies.

Here you are, Mr. Daly.

All present and correct.

Excuse me.

You sure you don't want to try one of the others? A cheaper one?

No.

That's the one.

A connoisseur of a fine automobile, Ray.

Well, would you like to step into the office, my lady? I'll deal with the

documentation.

And if you can square it with your conscience, I'd like you to check out

once more. As soon as I've done the paperwork, I'll nip over to Axor.

Good morning.

Boy, what a day.

Good morning.

Mr. Santos says to remember that today is the day.

Or you know what to expect.

Okay?

Tell him they'll be there on time.

As promised.

I can see you're a man of your word, Mr. Daly.

Marmot, there has always been, do unto others as they would do unto you, if

had the chance.

Oh.

Do you happen to remember a song called Blue Suede Shoes?

wear something over your ears, that's all.

Never seems to bother me, Arthur.

I bet you got used to it. Mouth down.

What can I do for you?

Oh, I just thought I'd pop in, see everything was going according to

You know, the relaxation tables.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Have a look.

Thought I might as well crack on while I've got a bit of spare time.

What's that?

Well, it'll be the bait.

I'll have to divide it and then... Where's the rest?

How do you mean?

It should be all padded out. And there should be a motor.

You've got to get the basics done first, Arthur.

Brain work.

But he's being picked up tomorrow with another of the same.

Right.

Anyhow, I reckon I've just sat the best way I fit in the gearing system.

Axel, I think you're bringing the mistake rising panic with leg pulling.

You are?

6am.

Pete's Vehicular Services will be here to spirit two relaxation tables and a

full of grease to the Stress Management Centre.

Next month, Arthur.

16th of July.

16th of June, Axor. Tomorrow.

I remember telling you. No, you said July, Arthur. I remember.

I heard you clear as a bell.

I've given guarantees.

Signed bits of paper.

Keep calm, Arthur.

Right, calm is something you do not have when you've got a financial disaster

hanging over your head.

And I'd like to point out, I've already forked out considerable sums of cash to

fund this operation.

We won't see a penny of that back unless we complete the job on time.

You could try one of the main suppliers.

Pay the book price.

Who's cracking up now?

It was precisely because I knew I had an alternative source of equipment that I

was able to tender so low. Here.

What's that?

That's from Nobby.

He can't get hold of the VCRs for Chico until tomorrow morning.

Oh, my God.

That's all right. We've got one of Pete's boys to pick them up, drop them

first thing. Chico ain't going to get upset because they're 12 hours late, is

he? He's already upset. He sent one of his polo team round to say so.

All right, we're still stunning out. Ray, you don't know Chico. His recent

return to South America was not because he was missing the alfalfa.

That man has been concerned in some very unpleasant deals.

Yeah, like what?

Never you mind.

Suffice it to say, he hasn't touched a scrap of corned beef since Shergar

disappeared.

It never rains, does it? Just when you think you've sent victory.

Look, Arthur. On it, Rand. Explain that we've been let down.

You better. Those videos were by way of remuneration, and I do not want Chico to

think I'm reneging.

I'll check with Gunther about the exercise bicycles. We cannot afford any

cock -ups.

Lake to lake.

First thing tomorrow.

First thing next century.

What's the difference?

I needed them today.

We've been let down, Chico.

Cash, then?

A bit stretched at the moment.

We just had to put a lot up front for a new job.

We don't say.

Listen, Arthur pays me in videos, Arthur pays me in cash, Arthur pays me in

gold. I don't check.

But Arthur pays me.

And he pays me on time.

Eleven before breakfast.

Guaranteed. Look, if anything was dodgy, I wouldn't have bothered getting in

touch with you.

No way to end up, is it, Rick?

Modest. I thought they were collector's items.

Not the car ring.

That's a four.

Large BAT, Dave. And the executive lunch.

That'll be three pound for cash, Arthur.

Don't be silly, Dave. Put it on the tab.

What if you couldn't pay?

What if something happened to you?

Like what?

I don't know, usual things, like a plague of locusts or turn it into a pit

salt, you know, that sort of stuff.

Dave, what is all this about?

That motor, Arthur.

The one you sold to the nun.

Ray's been in. That boy has no sense of urgency. I know business is business,

Arthur, but you've got to realise... Look, she came in of her own free will

drove off in the car of her dreams.

I know that, Arthur, but the fact remains that that motor was priced well

the odds.

You know that, Ray knows that, and he knows that. Dave, if you and Raymond...

Had a long history of ecumenical involvement, I could understand this

But as it is, I find your sudden desire to fight the good fight rather baffling.

I have also served, Arthur.

You what?

Don't you remember? I was the altar boy at St Saviour's.

Benedictus, Benedict.

As I remember, you lasted two years and were slung out for peddling seditious

literature behind a vestry.

Yeah, but it stays with you, Arthur. Who knows what I'm talking about? It's

divine retribution.

I have done nothing wrong.

And I think you'll find Celestial Retaliation went out with the

And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm running into a very tight schedule.

Oh, please yourself, love. I mean, you might be lucky, as long as that motor

keeps going.

I'm sorry to rush you, Smiler, but unless everything's bolted down by six

tomorrow, they won't pay.

Fair dues, Arthur.

It came to me out of the blue.

That Christmas party a few years back, Charlie Andrews and then Gaspar's missus

were, um... Yeah, yeah, yeah, wholly inappropriate, Arthur. Oh, I quite

Smiler, I quite agree.

The thing is, have you still got them?

Not the same ones, Arthur, but I have got the replacements for the ones I

replaced them with.

So I upgrade my stock every couple of years, Arthur. I wouldn't have thought

had them, Smiler.

I mean, it's not as if your customers are going to up and complain, is it?

Pride, Arthur.

When I send somebody off, they get the best.

I tell you what, the facilities I got out back, I stayed in worse hotels.

What do you reckon?

Are they adjustable?

Plug them straight into the mains.

They don't move that fast.

I never had much need.

I think they'll do very nicely, Smiler. I'll get Ray to fit turbos where

necessary. Now, uh...

How much did we say?

I can't tell you what a jam you got me out of, Smiler.

You'll pick them up first thing. It's all arranged.

Right. See you soon, Harper.

What's he winking for?

Oh, no.

I don't believe it.

Catch me!

What's up? Don't I look like a tip?

Completely unprovoked.

Where's the car?

Slight territorial contretemps with the law. You'll have to sort it out.

Everything all right here?

Depends on what you're used to.

Chico's giving a still tomorrow morning. If not, it's one of us in the crusher.

Oh, Ray, you have done well. Yeah, and Bjorn's called to say he needs them

exercise bikes and he'd buy two at the latest. He's got some sort of press

Aren't we under enough pressure as it is? Well, what about the tables?

Oh, Smiler can oblige with those, but they will need some work done after

they've been delivered. Look, Arthur, you don't think we're a bit enough more

than we can chew, do you? Oh, please, Ray.

Nobody likes a doubt in Thomas.

In your own time, Ray.

I must be left behind a latch.

Here Arthur, you've got your keys, mine are inside.

Ray, it is matters of ill planning like this that can cause untold damage to

hitherto smooth running operations.

Here you are.

Sorry.

Come on, let me try.

Smash the window.

Are you sure, Arthur? Well, we can hardly conduct a highly sophisticated

production and delivery operation from out here, can we? Well, don't come

these windows. Smash the window, Ray.

I don't believe it.

The day is going swimmingly.

Then suddenly, out of the blue, for no reason whatsoever, things start to go

wrong.

Does he play a lot of basketball? Eric!

Be careful.

I am.

Chico is expecting Premier Service, Pete.

We don't do no other kind, Arthur. I'm very glad to hear it.

Eric! They're delicate.

How do we handle delicate items?

With fitness.

Finesse, Eric.

Look, I can't hang about, Arthur. You're tying up two of my fans already. I need

this one. Look, I know time is tight, Pete, but I'd be very grateful if you

would ensure... that the boys don't unload more bits than they slung on. All

right.

Eric!

Oh, do you know anything about these?

No, not like mine.

We say you must first catch the bear before you can skin him, Mr Daly.

Always thought of you as a nation of animal lovers, Bjorn.

It is as well you're early.

Well, no point in leaving everything to a mad dash at the end of the day, is

there? The Aquaman project.

Excellent. How are they? Up to scratch.

Keep your cup.

Cheers,

mate. All right.

There you go.

What are they?

Well, I don't know what you'd call them.

I'd say they were bikes.

Mr. Jurgensen will already be on his plane, Mr. Daly.

And as yet, there are two holes awaiting him. And a full page.

That's a perfectly reasonable explanation, Bjorn.

Mr. Jurgensen lists as the three things he most expects of his employees.

Success, success, and success.

This hardly falls into any of those categories.

Excuse me a moment.

My deputy and me are in constant touch.

Hello, Ray?

No, madam, wrong number.

I won't be a minute.

What is the matter with you?

Good morning.

Ray, thank God.

I keep getting her indoors.

I am using it properly. It's kaput.

Now, where is everything?

Bjorn is going positively evangelical.

I don't know. You saw Dipso last.

Yeah, Arthur, that ain't the half of it.

Gunther's bike.

Yeah, yeah, well, they're here, but... Well, it ain't quite right.

What do you mean, not right?

Yeah, look, I'll come over.

Unlucky is not the word, Ray.

Ray? Ray? Ray?

What is going wrong?

Are you all right?

Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm perfectly all right. It's just the phone that wants a

kicking. Look at that.

Black Monday.

Pardon? You get up in the morning, all the world's your oyster, then pah!

You're not worth the time of day.

You take comfort in drink, recreational drugs, casual sexual affairs, anything

to deaden the pain, to release you from that abject feeling of failure and self

-loathing. I'll fit in the jacuzzis.

Of course you are.

I'm second door on the left, top of the stairs.

Gunter. I specifically asked for exercise bicycles.

What do you mean you ride them and they give you exercise?

Now, look, forget it, forget it. I'll sort something out.

This job's jinxed, Arthur. Don't be ridiculous. You cannot expect to bring

business coup of this magnitude without the odd itch. You'll just have to

customise them. Eh?

All the deals we've done and he has to leave it till the 11th hour.

Who the hell are you? Mr. Santos asked me to call. You ever heard a knocking?

Mr. Santos was expecting a delivery this morning.

And? No sign when I left.

Well, it's all in there now. I saw him loaded. Mr. Santos thought you might

appreciate a reminder in case it had slipped your mind.

If you're trying to put the fright on us, you better say so. Then we all know

where we stand, don't we?

And you can tell Chico we'll get his videos if there's any delay to be the

traffic. In the meantime, he's not the only bloke we do business with.

And we're a bit too busy at the moment to get involved in all this macho crap.

You got me.

Mr Santa does not like his time wasted.

Yeah, nor do I.

Shut the door on your way out.

Those videos should have been there hours ago.

Yeah, I'll see Pete. You cope with the bicycles.

How? Well, use your imagination.

Splash a bit of bright paint on them. Stick one of those Speedo things on the

handlebars I got from Larry.

They're all to meet us, Arthur.

Well, not anymore, they're not.

You should have called, Arthur. Save yourself a trip out.

I'm having one or two telecommunication blips at the moment, Pete.

You've actually dropped a steady of nerves. No, no, no. My nerves are all

I just want to know where two jacuzzis and 53 video recorders have disappeared

to. That's easy. Like I said, Arthur, you should have saved yourself a trip.

In transit.

Still?

Look, have I made myself perfectly clear, Pete? I am working on an

tight schedule.

And in Chico's case, a short list of one to make the inside of a tin of frayed

bentos. Well, I can't tell you exactly where the gear is, Arthur.

It's definitely on the way.

It's somewhere between its pick -up point and its destination.

Problem solved.

Oh, for once they're out on the road.

Spear me the details. Just sort it out.

Everything all right?

Oh, a couple of transportation blips, that's all.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that reminds me.

Raycord. Them jacuzzis. They have just been delivered back to Freddy's gym.

He wants them shifted.

Apparently they are confusing people.

He's already caught a bloke trying to deadlift one over his head. What have I

done to deserve this?

Good

afternoon.

Yeah, what are you doing here? I want them bicycles finished. It's all right,

they're done. Pete sent a van round to pick them up. I tried to call you. Ah,

switch it off, Ray. It was upsetting my digestion.

Here, Arthur, there's something you should know before you go in there.

You know how sometimes people joke about those days when nothing goes right?

You haven't seen him? Yeah. How was he? Fine. He was more concerned about the

relaxation tables.

It's formaldehyde.

Preserves the bodies.

Can't you get rid of it?

We tried, Arthur, but it's ingrained.

You've got to realise these tables have seen a lot of action.

Spare me the details.

Yeah, that's not all, Arthur. These motors are knackered. You try and tweak

up and they overeat.

That's good news going out of fashion.

We could try flinging something on top, Arthur.

Mask and pickling gear. Whatever it takes, Myler. I tell you, Arthur, we're

cursed. Look, it's beliefs like that at our forefathers slinging anyone with a

squint on the bonfire.

Now, get on to Dipso.

Tell him I want those videos round at Chico's within the hour.

Otherwise, the next slammer he experiences will not be the alcoholic

I'll get Dave to sort out the motors. Dave?

What he can't do with a drop of DW40 and a posi -drive.

But you're sure he'll turn out, Arthur? What do you mean?

Well, I gather that he thought that being near you right now was like

under a tree in an electrical storm. I have already broached the question of

Dave's ridiculous superstitions with him. Don't add fuel to the fire.

Ray Daly?

Pete, just the matter... You what?

Yeah. Yeah, I'll let him know.

Well, the jacuzzi's around at Chico's.

He's refusing to let them go until he gets his videos.

I've got nothing to feel guilty about. I've done nothing wrong. I am innocent.

Of course you are, Mr Davy.

It's not your fault. The feelings of disgust, revulsion, sexual inadequacy,

they're all quite normal responses to failure, but you're quite right. It's

your fault.

Anybody can foul up. I'm sorry, I'm too busy to chat right now.

Mr. Daly.

Mr. Daly.

My door is always open.

Ridiculous.

Hysterical.

I've sung in a school choir.

My credentials are impeccable.

Don't mind me, I've got all day.

I believe.

Hey, Arthur, what's up?

I've had an experience.

The road to Neasden.

Wallop. Yeah, you look terrible.

Come on, sit down. No, no, no, no time, Ray. I've seen the light. We must press

on. No, no, it's all right. I've done them all. No, no, no, not that.

The nun's car.

That's the only way we're going to pull this off.

What are you talking about?

I want you to go over to the monastery or wherever she lives and tell her you

are going to give her motor the daily in -service once over. Yeah, what's that

mean? Check it out. Every nut, bolt, screw, engine, interior, whatever needs

fixing, fix it.

Wax it, polish it. Full tank of petrol, get back here as soon as you can. Yeah,

but Arthur, it's not a new car. There are bound to be things that I can't do.

don't care, Ray. Whatever it needs, do it. By the time you're finished, I want

that motor immaculate.

It's our only hope.

Mr Daly?

Mr Angelica's had to pop out for a while.

She asked me to make sure you're well looked after.

Great.

Is anything wrong?

No. Do you need anything?

No, thanks, sir. Got it all under control.

Do you mind if I watch?

No, sure.

Sister... Virginia.

Virginia.

Arthur, you are putting a record straight.

Ray is there now, checking that if we did inadvertently sell at a slightly

inflated price, the motor is guaranteed trouble -free for the rest of its

natural. It's the right thing to do, aren't you? Yeah, well, meanwhile, the

clock's still ticking. We've got one or two of our own problems to sort out.

Yeah, well, fair enough. Now, where are these tables?

Down that corridor.

Turn left.

Follow the smell of Sal's derrins.

Could you pass us a screwdriver, please?

Cross or slot?

Eh? Phillips or ordinary?

If it's the alternator loop, you want the small crosshead, won't you?

The alternator's damaged, isn't it?

Yeah, but... Sorry, shouldn't interfere.

But when there are obvious things... Obvious?

Well, the thermostat housing's cracked, the solenoid needs replacing, and I

think the high suspension needs looking at.

You sure?

I'm not absolutely certain about the suspension.

It's an educated guess.

Chico, how nice.

I was just on my way round.

You have your passport in the glove compartment.

I am not a runner, Chico. I know there's been further delay, but I personally

saw the videos loaded on at the site of my other business.

So where are they? In transit.

Your boy gave me guarantees.

In the supreme belief our carrier would not let us down. I want the videos,

Arthur. I want them now. Trust me, Chico.

They're on their way.

I counted them out.

Very well.

It's very public -spirited of you, Chico.

It puts that whole business of Sir Ralph Ramsay and ratting into perspective.

I want 1 ,000 compensation for the day so far, plus 500 for storing your

jacuzzis. You can arrange for them to be picked up whenever you want.

1 ,500?

Fidel is all for physical penalties.

Arm -twisting, leg -breaking.

Yeah, I know the sort of thing.

But I'm sure we'd both much rather avoid that. Wherever possible.

1 ,500, then.

No checks?

All credit cards.

So why didn't you help her choose the car?

I'm still a novice. Not allowed out of the grounds.

Besides, Sister Angelica said she'd know straight away if the man she was buying

from wasn't trustworthy.

So where did you learn about motors, then? Voluntary service.

In Africa.

Specialised in vehicle mechanics.

Is that where you got converted?

I'm not a gas servant.

Sorry.

Stop apologising. It's all right.

Right. It's just I'm not used to, you know, you being a... I won't bite.

No.

No, I reckon if anyone can resist temptation, I'm sure you can.

You really prepared to service everything?

Uh -huh. You think the head gasket's seen better days?

Head gasket?

There's a fortune there in new parts.

It's got to be done.

Arthur and sister and all his customers getting value for money.

Yeah, it's like your sister said.

He is a man you can trust.

Thank God, the bicycles.

I was about to send out a search party. I can't hold up.

Dad says I've got to tell you you've had a call at the office.

Someone's trying to get in touch.

It was a woman.

I forget her name. Personal matters. It'll have to wait till this job is

cracked.

Didn't you check?

Eric packed it. Yeah, one of his lighter loads. I mean, it wasn't my delivery. I

picked it up from the depot last minute.

Eric wasn't too well. He'd had a dodgy doner. Remind me to send him a card.

shall I do? Get back in your cab, depress your right foot, and don't relax

till you see my locker.

I want those bicycles back here within the hour.

Go!

Mr. Daly, what is happening?

Bjorn, I'm glad I called you. Everything is in chaos.

Mr Jorgensen will soon be touching down. Nothing is ready.

Everything is gelling together very nicely.

There's no evidence of it. Bjorn, when you've been in the stress game, as long

as I have, you come to realise it's the result that matters, not how you look in

the dressing room half an hour before kick -off. I mean, I accept we've had

or two hold -ups, but we're back on course now.

There are barely four hours left. That is time aplenty.

However, I appreciate the necessarily frantic nature of the day has taken its

toll, and I thought... you'd appreciate a little gesture of support from Daley

Enterprises. Please, I'm not sure... Beyond, beyond, beyond!

You'll make yourself ill. Look, look, look, wife, why don't you... Why don't

bung on a bit of abba, stick your feet up on the sofa and have a little sleep?

Daley Limousines have arranged to pick El Supremo up from the airport and

him here in some luxury as a gesture of goodwill. It is the faithful man who

defrosts the snowplough.

He will travel by taxi.

No, no, most unreliable, Bjorn. And we do want him here on time.

Besides, taxi versus a limo?

I won't hear another word.

Schmorgasbord.

Arthur, I need a word. There's more things wrong with that car than you

realised. Whatever it takes, Ray. No, no, it's long -term stuff. You need to

an expert to spot half of it. No, Arthur, no -one's going to blame you if

Everything, Ray. There is no way forward till that number bill is A1.

Now, do your best. I know it can't be much fun over there, but I'm counting on

you.

Can't I leave you alone for five minutes?

Having a test run, Arthur.

We solved a problem, Arthur. It's going to take a while to sort them both out.

Oh, marvellous. The American end is about to nip through the green channel,

short trip up the motorway, and daily enterprises can kiss goodbye to a

lucrative few years in the breakdown business. I know, that reminds me,

Pete called to say that Clive had run into one or two fuel -related problems

his way back with the jacuzzis. That's it.

That's it. Look, Dave, I thought gentrifying that motor was supposed to

things better.

Not create more mayhem.

I need professional guidance.

Hello? Hello, are you there?

Ready when you are.

Sorry? I'm ready.

Fire away.

Please, try not to be nervous.

I'm sorry, but it's been a while.

Ah, very well. Now, how long is it since your last confession?

Oh, must be about a year ago.

I admitted to Ray that I'd forgotten to shut the lock up once when we got

burgled. He was beginning to feel guilty.

I couldn't get any work out of it. I mean, your last confession here.

Oh, I've never been here before.

Well, your own church, then.

No, they don't do it where I go. Well, at least they didn't in 1946.

Well, then again, I might have missed it. You know what it's like when you get

married. No.

The fact is, I am not actually a left footer.

I'm not nothing at all.

My dad was Disestablishment Church of North London.

But they packed it in.

Well, could you tell me why you are here?

I've done something wrong.

And I want to know what I should do.

Very well.

I sold a car to a nun.

And the value of said vehicle was not concomitant with the price she paid.

She got a bad deal.

Oh, no.

The scales were slightly in my favour. And since we'd done the deal... My share

of luck has fallen faster than a pound.

Look, I don't quite understand. I'm doing my best. My boy's with her now,

the motor.

Customising it, tweaking it, all thoughts it might have.

The car in question is a black Austin Allegro, is it not?

Oh, it's true.

He is all seen.

Sister Angelica gave me a lift to Mass.

She seemed very pleased with the vehicle.

But I did have my suspicions when she told me how much she'd paid.

I wish I'd never sold it to her. I've learnt my lesson, I can tell you.

No longer will I leg it across the road when I see that bloke with the sandwich

boards and the close -set eyes coming towards me. I will give him a fair

hearing. Please, look, you're sorry for what you've done and you're trying to

make amends nobody can expect any more.

I'm sure when your assistant has finished, Sister Angelica will have a

which she can be proud.

Please. Put your mind at rest.

You mean I'm forgiven?

Yes. Oh, Your Honor, I can't tell you what a relief that is. I'm glad I could

help.

Go in peace.

Well, look, I'm a bit pushed for time, but while I'm here, there are a couple

other things.

Fair enough. I know what's required, Arthur. I won't let you down.

For Christ's sake, what is this? The road to Never Never Land?

M25.

Famous for it. It's a big tourist attraction, like Buckingham Palace.

What speed are you doing?

Twenty -nine and a half.

Jeez.

I could slow down if you feel sick.

Mr. Dilly, I need to check progress.

You'll be the first to know. I have to make the leash. Of course you do. Your

men will not let me into any of the therapy areas. Regulations. Health,

security.

They've arrived.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Plus the tables are up and running. We're almost there. Wow.

What's the matter?

You did tell the truth.

How dare you? Only we're still having troubles.

What's wrong with them?

That is hardly going to pummel away a week's worries.

What about the other one?

I think she needs to do something about the valve after what controls the flow.

Dave. I hope what I'm witnessing here is a divine time lag between repentance

and the calling off of hostilities.

Do you want them all going on the same bill, then? Yeah, why not?

Mr. Daly, you're finished.

One way or another, yeah.

Sister Virginia says you've been extraordinarily conscientious.

Yeah, well, I'm sure I couldn't have done it without her.

I'm going to take it for a little drive right now.

Come in for a coffee.

Mr. Daly, I want an explanation.

The bicycles. I told you they'll be here on time.

They're not exercise bicycles.

Look, you go and pedal one for half an hour.

Hey, you don't know what the traffic's like on the North Circular, do you?

They're not as I highlighted on the brochure. You are thinking of the

model. Mr. Daly, I have just now ordered the correct bicycles. They will cost

you an arm and a leg.

The amount will come off your fee, Mr. Daly.

I have had enough of this behavior. You are driving me mad.

Mr. Daly. Ah, Dr. Jarvis.

I think you're concentrating on the wrong man.

Why don't I suggest you turn your attention to the Scandinavian gentleman?

Unless I am very much mistaken, he is teetering on the brink.

You should be wearing a dust mask, really, Dave.

I remember this blood... Look, Freddy, we've got 15 minutes on the outside.

Would you please try and be constructive?

Health and safety, Arthur.

You can't cut corners there.

Madness needs attention.

Sneaking in through French windows is not the behaviour of a professional

person. Now, slim your hook. Go on.

I must not. I nearly asked.

Arthur, have you fixed it? Like you. Sister Angelica thinks it's a different

car. Well, it is practically. In the nick of time.

I've been stitched up.

I'll blame you, Dave.

Ray has done everything necessary.

And the jacuzzis are still up the spout. And Jorgensen will be here any minute.

Never, never, ever again will I enter into a commercial transaction with a

religious fraternity.

It must have been something you said, Arthur.

Thank heaven for that.

That has got to be the crummiest, most two -bit, godforsaken experience of my

entire motoring life.

You can't live in this country without getting screwed up. It's impossible.

Of course.

We should have opened up two of the goddamn centers.

What's that smell?

Ah, Mr. Jovinson.

Pleasure to welcome you to our scepter dial.

Mr. Jorgensen was wondering about the smell.

Oh, I'm delighted he noticed it. The beds are, in fact, impregnated with

aromatherapy oil.

We're still waiting for the patent.

Nice idea.

Well, it's good to have you aboard, Daly. I was beginning to wonder how a

country like this ever got it together to run an empire.

Oh, we do have our moments.

There is a problem with the aquamattage pools, Mr. Jorgensen.

Oh?

What's the problem? Looks all right to me.

What's the problem?

Wasn't there, Mr. Daly? Bjorn, we have a saying in England.

Once the pigeon has flown overhead, the danger has passed.

I hope you're getting some of this.

I couldn't hold out any longer.

I understand, Bert. You did a good job. All together.

Nice work, Mr. Dales. Oh, thank you.

What happened to the bike?

They're on their way.

Well, the ones I selected, Bjorn didn't like, so he sent them back.

You did what?

They were road bicycles.

Indeed they were.

Customized by my boys, so you get the outdoor feeling even when you're

I like that concept.

Well, a good employee is an innovative one. But I couldn't agree more.

So where the hell are the replacements?

The delivery company let me down. They were all right by me, Bjorn. I'd never

have recommended them otherwise.

Well, Mr. Jorgensen, you have my number.

We'll be on our way.

Come on, Ray. This way.

No, the bagger knows.

He should get a grip.

Still, this place takes off. Rich begins for us. And hopefully they'll cough up

up front next time.

The wings is the ray. I need serious therapy.

You will when you've seen this.

It's for all the work I did on the car.

I said mend it, not buy a new one.

How much we got left out of the fee?

Well, that's Les Chico's commission.

No, no, you've got the decimal point in the wrong place.

Sorry, Arthur.

This has cost me a fortune.

But the point is, Arthur, what you did was right.

True, true.

And if I omitted to notice one or two small defects, because my mind was on

other things, they have now been fixed to the satisfaction of all concerned.

And I mean all.

We can now go about our normal business without the constant fear of

aggravation.

Don't think that clutch needs adjusting, do you?

Thank you.