Original subtitles

Thank you.

see the freight dog in the next race? No, not a chance, Ray.

Before dog will skate it.

Hello, Arthur.

Come to take me to the cleaners, then, eh? No, Phil. I've come to share my good

fortune with you. Water for the glass.

It's not running, Arthur. No, no, no, no, no, Phil. I'm referring to some

exquisite stock I have just received from the Emerald Isle. Leave it out,

Arthur. I'm here to take your money, not something you feed glass.

What about Tommy on the book? Would you like a little pocket calculator?

Arthur, Tommy is a little pocket calculator. Now, come on, let's be

All right, £60 to £20 on the four -dog.

£60 to £20 on the four -dog for £9 .05.

Mr Arthur Daly.

How about you, Ray, eh?

Oh, no, thanks, Phil. Not on them prices.

I'm going to have a go on the tote.

I've got to get a result, Ray. Anything to change my luck.

We haven't sold a car for weeks.

It's months, actually, but who's counting?

My creditors are.

You doing the four, dog? The three, dog, Arthur. I'll be back in a minute. Yeah,

all right.

Hello, Sydney?

Arthur. Yeah, great news, Sydney.

I might even say tremendous news. I'd even go as far as momentous news.

I have just acquired three and a half hundred weight of the Great Wall of

stock for a kip on the way round. I can't take any more of this. That's

Harper. I'm just beginning to enjoy myself, come on.

I've got to do something, Ray. I'm ready to climb up the lock -up wall.

Except it's riddled with woodworm.

I mean, look at the day's post.

Four bills, three charity appeals, and a beauty salon offering to remove my

unwanted hair. What we need is someone to remove your unwanted cars.

And my unwanted stock.

I've tried everyone. Nobody's buying.

Bloody recession.

I know.

It's been so long since we've sold a car, you might as well hire them out.

Raymond, you're absolutely right.

Why didn't I think of that?

You will, Arthur.

You will.

Look, Arthur, how can you expect to compete with a major player?

Firms like, what's his name, we're thinking.

What can you offer they can't?

What can I offer, Raymond? That is the entire point.

What indeed can I offer? Remember, second -class motoring is better than

-class walking.

Who'd had them?

Excellent.

Virtually empty.

Couldn't be better.

Dave, large usual, please.

St. Clements for Ray and one for yourself.

Oh, thanks, Arthur. I've got to deal with a drink.

Remind me why I've come here.

What, having a bad time, Dave? You could say that, Arthur.

Oh, yes, likewise. I'm having a disastrous time.

Either way will be correct.

I've started talking to myself, you know. Why's that, Dave?

Oh, it's bloody lonely in here sometimes, Ray.

Oh, it's just recession.

Dave, as a minority shareholder in this club, I feel it is incumbent upon me to

do something to alleviate your problems.

I have been working for the past four weeks on the most remarkable business

arrangement. Four weeks, is it, Arthur? Seems more like four minutes. Yeah, time

flies when business is booming, Ray.

Dave, you are about to become an integral part of the Arthur Daly package

I can't afford holiday, Arthur. No, no, no, not that sort of package.

Share the experience, share the discount.

Iyer, the car of your choice. Full tank, competitive rates.

One week's Iyer entitles you to a free space in an Arthur Daly car boot sale.

It also entitles you to attend Appy Hour at the Winchester Club.

A car boot sale?

Happy hour?

It's a great idea.

One day a week, say between 12 and 1, when this place is as dead as a

we reduce the price of drinks by half.

So that was a great idea, is it? To reduce the price of drinks for an hour

half. That's it?

Why don't we go there all along and give them away?

No, no, Dave, you don't understand. By reducing the price by half, you get more

customers in here.

Well, that doesn't surprise me in the least, Arthur. If we made them free, the

place would be packed.

Yeah, but when the happy hour finishes, the price goes back to normal. Or

perhaps even...

Little above normal.

And the people will stay and continue to drink.

And they stay and continue drinking because by then, they are a little

By then, they will be warming to the sense of the occasion.

And they are, quite frankly, by then, Dave, half Brahms.

Who's this lad you've got helping you push the leaflets through the

That's a good mate of mine. None in four ages.

And what's his name?

Winston. Oh, now there was a leader.

Winston. They don't make them like that anymore.

Hey, Ray, there's someone trying to break in the lock -up. Get out and whack

him. It's all right, Arthur. That's Winston.

Here you are, Winston.

Where do you want them?

Hang on.

It dumped down over here.

Ray? Yeah? I have a word.

Yeah, all right.

It's living there.

Yeah?

Just a minute.

Would you come in here a minute, please?

You know, Arthur, I think you're right.

He is black. You might have told me.

I'd never give it a second thought. You should have done.

Why? Well, it's not me. I mean, it's my customers. I've got some very funny

types. I mean, how are they going to take it?

I mean, it's nothing personal. You do understand that, Winston?

Yeah, of course, Mr Daly.

It comes in all shapes and sizes.

Ah, no, no, no, no. Now, don't misunderstand.

I have a great regard for your people.

They have turned out some of the finest netball players in the world. Arthur,

he's not one of your people. He's one of our people. He's like me. He was born

here.

Yeah.

Well, I run a very tight team.

I expect very high standards.

Standards? Yes.

No drugs, no extramural activities, and no saxophone playing during working

hours. Fair enough.

So what wages are you going to pay me?

Wages, Winston?

Wages? We'll talk about wages when we see how you work out, Raymond.

You'll be putting all the wrong ideas into this land's head.

Now, come on, let's get on with work.

It requires great skill and ability.

I only hope you're up to it.

Oh, I thought you were the meltman.

Lucky milkman.

What are you selling then? Double glazing?

No, something much more exciting, love.

Here you go.

Oh, well, why don't you come in and have a cup of tea and tell me all about it?

I might be interested in hiring a car.

Yeah, I'd love to.

And no sugar. I've got enough energy.

How's that report coming on, Phil?

Nearly there, Sarge.

Is that all right? Personal crime wave on here.

Nine burglaries in our target area in the last week.

Wherever it is, they're professionals. No prints, no one seen entering or

leaving. Not youngsters.

They're not nicking tellies and videos.

It's all jewellery.

Got to be fencing and stuff.

Well, look at it this way, Sarge.

Buckets of overtime.

For you, maybe, all I'm stacking up is days in lieu.

More issue, I think.

Right. We're on our way.

Looks like we're in luck.

Uniformed her just next time Joker doing a break -in, right in the middle of our

little patch.

Come on.

Are you sure this is going to work, Arthur?

This is a winner, Dave. I know.

See, what I'm doing is I'm taking a leaf out of the government's book.

Playing on people's avarice.

Letting them have something for nearly nothing.

I've discounted the hire charge, thrown in a free car boot sale.

Bait, talk them. Some of them will buy in the end. Mark my words. I was

referring to the people staying on and paying full price.

What, for the drinks?

Yeah. Yeah, of course they will, Dave. Same principle.

I hope you're right, Arthur.

Dave, as we speak, my highly skilled operatives are launching a major

campaign. Now it's just a matter of time.

Where's Mr. Club?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, he's here.

Oh. Yeah, right.

I'll tell him.

That was Detective Sergeant Morley.

It seems that one of your highly skilled operatives has just got himself

arrested.

Raymond Daly still working for you?

Yeah, of course he is.

Thank you for helping the police with their inquiries. You're free to go.

Just a minute.

You drag me out of a crucial business meeting, ask me about one of my

executives, and then tell me I'm free to go.

Why don't you ask me something really important, like what you ought to have

dinner tonight?

Come on, I demand an explanation.

We live in a field.

Might as well charge him now.

Charge you? With what?

Oh, just someone we caught red -handed doing a break -in, that's all.

Says he works for you.

Winston, what's going on? Ah, so you do know him, then?

Of course I do. He works for me.

Hear that, Field? Get your notebook out.

Sorry about this, Mr Daly.

I did tell you that it comes in all shapes and sizes.

Did you get that, Field?

Looks like we've got the fence as well.

Winston, Winston, you will come to realise that Mr Morley has been

the first brain transplant operation.

Why is it everyone seems to take such an instant dislike to me?

Saves time.

I blame you for this, Raymond.

Leave it out, Arthur. I will not leave it out. When Winston had finished his

letterbox drop, you'd vanished.

He goes looking for you, knocking on doors, peering in windows, wandering

through gardens.

Next thing, some overexcitable member of the local neighbourhood watch felled

the police.

He had no leaflets left, and you weren't there to explain.

The result that Morley starts behaving like knacker of the yard.

What exactly were you up to? I was giving me sales pitch to a potential

customer. Using me initiative like you told me to. You sure it was only your

initiative you were using? She's promised to come and hire a car. She?

I knew it was a bird.

Look, it's all right, Mr Daly.

I'm sure you won't want me working for you after all this.

Why not?

Nobody tells me who I can employ.

And certainly no one like that Mellon Morley.

Look, get some more leaflets.

Put one in your inside pocket so that if you're stopped, you've got one.

All right? All right. And Ray?

Keep your initiative under control. Get down the car lock.

Come, I'll give you a lift.

Thanks, Ray.

I've parked it out front for you. And remember, if you want any servicing

well, just bring it back. And don't forget, the car boot sale is free for

hirers. Oh, I hope to see you before that.

You've, uh, got my number, I think.

And as with all Daly to Europe cars, madam, you get a full tank of petrol.

They're the keys.

Thank you.

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon, Mr Daly.

Bye.

Bye.

That's the sort you want to be turning your charm on to, Ray.

I'll try and remember that, Arthur.

Well, one down, 33 to go. Good boy. I'm just going over the road for a quick

one.

It's Klondike time, Dave. I can feel it in my bones.

All I can feel in my bones, Arthur, is chronic arthritis.

Here, I'll show you this ladder, will you? Yeah, of course, here.

Is that right?

Hey, Winston.

Yeah? The red fox off to Mr. Jarvis. Right.

Excuse me.

There you go, Mr. Jarvis. Happy motoring. Excellent.

Thanks for your help. Lovely.

Here you go. Thank you.

Right, who's next?

Oh, look, good day. This place will be packed, you see.

You'll have to get some temporary help in.

Temporary help?

The last time I had temporary help in here was when Chelsea won the cup.

Faces awash with flare trousers.

You're getting plenty of food. You know, pickled trout vol -au -vent, kedgeree

on fried bread, cordon bleu stuff. I'm just going to check on the lads.

Raymond, my son.

Winston, my lad.

I knew it, I knew it.

Wasn't that a great idea I had?

All gone?

All hired? Every single one, Arthur.

Except for the old cool Tina. Nobody would be seen dead in that.

We just thought we'd come over to tell you the good news.

Well done, boys.

There'll be a bonus in this for both of you.

Right, where have you parked my Daimler?

Your Daimler?

I'm sorry, Ray. It's all my fault.

Don't worry about it.

Well? It was a false address, Arthur. Never heard of him.

You mean he's done a roadrunner in my Daimler?

It looks like it.

Have you been dumped on me by one of my rivals?

I'll work it off, Mr Daly. Work it off? Work it off? You'll be at your doomsday

to do that.

I really am very sorry.

Being sorry won't get my car back, Winston.

How could you let him hire my car? How could you?

What am I going to drive?

Well, there's still the Mark II Cortina.

I've got the number, Sarge. You don't need that number. Don't you know that it

is?

Call that last lot out to me and I'll check them against the report.

Right.

Pearl necklace, no distinguishing characteristics.

One ring set with three rubies.

Victorian brooch.

Ray, can you calm him down?

Raymond? I'd be obliged if you could stop him giving us his Richard III,

swearing up my Wilton. Hello, Arthur. I think it might be time to leave, eh?

It's not enough I get my pride and joy nicked by some Jack the Lad, is it? Oh,

no, no, no, let's turn the rack a bit more.

I couldn't get you run -of -the -mill car thief, could I?

Like to get some pocket desperado who thinks he's Britain's answer to Ayrton

Senna. Roaring all over the town, perpetrating traffic offences at the

light.

But that's not enough, Raymond, is it?

Isn't it? Oh, no, it's not. Inspector Clueless here pulls me in and starts

charging me with a string of traffic offences.

I demand that you come and see what I am currently driving, Morley.

Help yourself, Sergeant.

Observe the furry dice, the furry upholstery. This is what I am reduced

I must say, Arthur, I think you're getting a bit old for the furry dice.

I think he's telling the truth, Sarge.

Thank you, Constable.

His dame has just been reported speeding up the M1.

Patrol car gate chased but lost him.

He's really shitty.

If my car is damaged while you lot are playing cops and robbers, questions will

be asked in the house.

Ray, I'll see you back at the lock -up.

You'd better see my insurance, Ray.

Do you want to push?

Arthur, are you there?

Ray! Hello, Mr Cooper.

I'm looking for Arthur. I've been down the car lot. There's no sign of him or

his cars. Has he retired?

Oh, no, not at all.

He'll be back later.

What can I help?

Well, I'm interested in that red box, all of his. Don't tell me it's gone.

No, it's out on a test run.

Well, what about all the other cars?

Well, they're all out on test runs. All of them? Yeah. We've had a bit of a run

on lately.

I shouldn't have hesitated.

It's always the way, isn't it?

See, Mr Cooper's a regular, Winston.

Always buys his cars off of Arthur.

You'll pick up that clipboard for me, will you? Yeah, always bought them from

him. Looks like I'll have to go somewhere else this time. Pity. I was

on that Vauxhall.

Look, if you're a regular customer, the least we can do is look after you.

Give us your phone number.

I'll persuade the guy that's taking up the Vauxhall for a drive to try another

car. Really?

Yeah. Look, here's my card.

I'll see you all right for a drink, eh?

Leave it with us, Mr Cooper. I'll give you a ring as soon as I've got my hands

on it.

Great. See you, Ray. Regards to Arthur.

Yeah, later.

And just how do you propose to accommodate the man? The Vauxhall's out

It was due back this morning.

That punter only hired it out for a day.

I remember him saying that if he liked it, he'd be back to extend the hire

period. He hasn't come back.

So? So, we repossess it.

You mean we teev it?

No, not exactly.

I feel really bad about Arthur's car.

This'll help make it up to him.

There you go, my love. Now, remember, it's pellets for the ferrets and carrots

for the rabbits.

If you've got any left over, have a fryer.

The point is, Tony, am I covered if my car is mistakenly hired out to a man who

does a runner and crashes it?

Is that what happened?

No, but it's imminent.

Now, come on, you're my insurance brother. What's the situation?

All right, this kid could have done a runner. How did he pay?

I don't know. The boys hired it to him. Why? Does it matter?

Well, yeah. If he paid by a cheque and the cheque bounces, you're covered.

But if you're paid by cash, you could be in stupor.

Well, I know you gave a false address.

Oh, well, that helps. Yeah, but it don't help me.

Leave it to me, Arthur. I shall make inquiries. Now, while you're here, could

interest you in a tortoise? Fresh in today.

Too frenetic.

There it is.

Just down the road. Pull in, Ray.

Wait a minute.

It's not a problem.

I'll tell him the car's due back.

Well, I'm assuming he wants to hire it out for a long time. I've got the

patience. A nice clean bit of reed pad, that's easier.

We just have to pick our moment.

I'll get my hand on that joyrider. He'll be driving a Robin Reliant.

I've got to pick her indoors up in a minute. Can you imagine her reaction

she sees me sitting in a Mark II Cortina?

I've just had a check run on the PNC, sir.

I think you might find this interesting.

Well done, Field.

news about my stolen car, then?

Depends which one you're talking about.

What car?

The Daimler.

One hour ago, it was driven into the Newport Pagnol Service Station.

Thank God for that. It's all right, then?

Don't know.

The driver filled up, then roared off without saying.

Hang about. What do you mean, which one?

Only one car, wasn't it?

Oh, no, Dave.

This car you're driving, you say it's yours?

Yeah. According to our computer...

It was stolen two months ago in Brighton.

Now unless you've got a very good explanation, I'm going to do you for

a stolen car.

Are you sure I can't give you boys something for all this trouble? No, it

trouble, Mr Cooper.

All part of the Arthur Daly deal, Mr Cooper.

I hope it gives you a great deal of pleasure. Thank you.

Happy motoring.

Touch me.

West Midlands... If I understand you correctly, you claim you don't know how

long you've had this. Why is it that reporters and police officers always use

claim when they should say say or state?

Claim sounds iffy, doesn't it? That's why you lot like it.

With claim, you've got some poor sod halfway to Dartmoor before you're even

warmed up.

You, hey, you don't know how long you've had this cortina. You, hey, you haven't

got the logbook. You, hey, you don't know who told it to you. It's all a bit

vague, isn't it? Just got another report on the Dame Lesage. She's been going

the wrong way up a one -way alley in Birmingham.

Eluded pursuing patrol car.

That's all right, I've got it.

Hello, Daly. Oh, hello, aren't they?

I haven't seen him for some time.

Yeah, hold on, I'll make a note.

Outside the Shopman Arcade.

Right, I'll let him know when he comes in.

Yeah, bye.

Not looking good, Daly, is it? It's obvious what's happened. If it was

we wouldn't have spent the time of day in your private zoo, would we? Look, the

bloke who done the roadrunner in my daimler. What about him? Well, he's your

man. Instead of editing me, you should be charging up the motorway and catching

him. Yeah, but he's in your Daimler, isn't he? Not in someone else's Cortina.

God, I'm going to have to draw pictures. I can see that.

Look, before he went on a rampage in the Daimler, he must have had the front to

dump the bent Cortina in my car lot.

Diabolical liberty.

I think you'd better come back to the nick, don't you?

Don't you, Mr. Thelford Dibbly?

Can I just do an appearance, Sergeant?

You wait here, mother -in -law. I know what you need.

I won't be a minute.

Hey, look, thief!

You! Thief!

Can't someone call the police?

You! Thief!

What are you talking about?

Thief!

Thief!

Don't upset yourself.

Bloody lunatic.

You're all becoming a great cause of aggravation to me, Damon.

You can always drop me on the corner.

I've got a lot on my plate.

I don't have to worry about you and some Benkari you're involved with. I am not

involved with some Benkari.

I don't want to see my solicitor.

For everything there is a time, for everything there is a... What's that

supposed to mean? You can't see your solicitor.

That's one of mine. Yeah, Phil, there's two big cars you've got. I'm going to

give you an official fortune down the state, and then you can make a stake.

And if you're very good, I'll let you see your... Look out!

I

want

a police officer!

I want a police officer!

Then you've come to the right place, my old sunshine.

I wonder what's happened to Arthur.

I don't know. He'll turn up. He always does.

He'll be right chuffed about that Vauxhall, though.

He'll probably give us a bonus for filling it. He didn't get the last one.

Remember that.

You're right, though, Winston. I'll have to remind him about that.

Ladies? I don't know. You invite us out for a drink and all you do is talk about

work. All right, then. What do you two do?

Apart from chatting up two handsome young men.

We do a bit of work with Linda's brothers.

Come on, you lot. Let's go.

In the back.

I'm sure you don't think I'd steal a car and then take my mother -in -law for a

drive in it.

Mr. Dean Cooper, I am constantly surprised at what people do.

You were clocked doing speeds in excess of 70 miles an hour while attempting to

escape a police car in pursuit.

I didn't know they were police. I assumed it was that maniac who attacked

the high streets, and I hope you're going to charge him. At the moment, I'm

considering charging you, eh?

I've got a nice list of offences, starting with the theft of a car. It's

I bought it. Don't tell me you bought it off a bloke in a pub.

You haven't got the documents. He's going to post them on to you, but you

know what his name is.

Why are you saying that?

Let's put it down to years of experience in the job, Mr Cooper.

A very nice touch, nicking it with your mother -in -law.

Eh? Such a charming old lady.

What have you done with her?

She hasn't been charged.

No, not yet.

She's been looked after by one of my WPCs.

Whether I charge her or not is largely down to you.

Down to me?

Well, if it's insanity, why is it down to me?

You put your hands up to stealing that car and I will look very reasonably upon

your mother -in -law.

Do my best to give her out the case.

Look, I did not buy that car from a man in a pub.

I have got the documents at home and the man I bought it from was called Arthur

Daly.

Look, Mr Jarvis, either it's your car or it isn't. Which is it? I'd hired it

from a man called Arthur Daly.

You do well to pop up and tell Morley to stop minning around West London and

centre his investigations in Rome and Brussels.

I'm very big on the continent, you know. I'm into Europe.

This is obviously the work of my business rivals.

You don't really think I'll go swanning around in a bent car with early indoors

perched on them fur -lined seats, do you?

Oh, God.

I'll get him in.

Right. Right, then. What's everybody having, then? Much though it pains me to

turn away custom, it appears that Arthur is in need of your help.

What's the problem? Difficult to tell, really. He's down at local Nick. He's

been on the phone to me demanding lawyers, insurance brokers, Amnesty

International.

You can't go in there, old son. Yeah, there's a perfectly simple explanation

all of this.

It's been a completely... The DS is querying an item on the list of stolen

on that last report.

Which one?

Um, one lady's wristwatch.

You're being a bit previous, aren't you?

Reprocessing a car that's only a day overdue? Of course it wasn't. I'm not

running an Oxfam shop.

And no one of my major executives has cleared up this matter. I'll take your

apology as read, and I'd like to vacate these premises.

You're free to go.

So, for the moment... I shall be making further inquiries. I'd like the keys to

the Cortina. The Cortina stays here. It's stolen property.

And you should know that two of the cars you've hired out have broken down in

the street on our ground. And we've stopped a further five that are without

current MOT certificate.

By the way, Arthur, I think you should ring Aunty. She seemed a bit put out.

Oh, well, it never ends.

Now,

apart from all this, after that conversation I've been listening to,

indoors had with herself, I have now got nowhere to sleep tonight.

Now, I know, I know, in each life a little rain must fall, but that doesn't

you two the right to pour Niagara on my careworn Philby.

Leave it to me, Arthur. You've had enough for one day.

Yeah, hello? Dalian... Oh, yeah.

What?

Yeah, right.

I'll tell him.

That was Morley's office.

The Daimler was seen 30 minutes ago travelling high speed through a

precinct.

In Liverpool.

I'll tell you, if we don't find who's responsible for these burglaries soon,

going to be facing a divorce.

I can't see any patterns. Some are day, some are night, some are forced entry,

some look like they've gone through the front door with a key.

Who are you dealing with, man, Sarge?

Take five minutes off.

And on top of that, I've got Arthur Daly causing bloody havoc with his hired

cars.

Just a minute.

We had a member of the public saw a grey Fiat to park round the back of that

left house to be done over.

That's not been eliminated yet.

Get a list of all daily stock.

All the cars he's hired out. See if there's a grey Ford Fiesta on it.

Now? Yeah.

We're awake.

That's why he should be sleeping.

Don't seem to get many people in here, do they?

Don't start Dave off. You get 20 minutes on whatever happened to the drinking

classes.

So where do you reckon Arthur's going to spend the night then, Ray? I don't

know. He'll probably go home.

So, who's for another then?

That's all right. I'll get him in. No, you won't. It's our turn.

I'm looking for Arthur Daling.

So? Well, you tell me.

You're his minder.

I'm off duty.

Tried his own?

Yeah. One irate wife, no Arthur Daling.

Do you want a drink?

Not while I'm on duty.

Like Ray said, Sarah, we're not on duty.

All right.

Can I have the same again, please?

Yeah, of course.

That'll double my takings for the night.

What's going on? Where's Ray?

Raymond?

Oh, this is nice, isn't it? I'm tramping the streets looking for a cardboard box

while my staff are having a bacchanalian orgy on my premises.

Arthur, I do happen to live here. What do you want? What do I want? I want them

out for a start.

Oh, right.

We can take a hint.

Come on, Sarah.

Hold on, Arthur. Hold on, girls. I mean, Arthur, this is my home. On which I

hold the lease.

Yeah, but there's nothing in the lease that says I can't entertain guests in

evening. There will be tomorrow.

Yeah, I'm not.

Forget it, Ray.

Yeah, but Linda.

Then we can get off from, will you?

Get it together, mate.

That's a shivunking and a fantail, isn't it?

Is it?

Yes.

Look, I'm sorry about this, disturbing you at this time of night.

It is urgent, and I can't find Mr Daly.

It's just late, Arthur.

When you don't want him, there he is.

Selling your musical rocks and underwater windmills.

Underwater windmills? Exactly.

I've still got two gross of them left.

Wouldn't it be easier doing that with the light on?

What, and have your Sepulchre awake half the night?

You're bang out of order, Arthur. You've just ruined what was turning out to be

a blinding evening.

It's time you showed a bit of maturity. I've started thinking above the waist.

Arthur, you might have taken a vow of celibacy. It doesn't mean the rest of us

have to. I am surrounded on all sides by major aggravation, and all you think

about is getting your leg over.

It's not good enough.

It's still a liction of duty.

If this were wartime, I could have you taken out and shot.

Charming. It's all down to me, then, is it? Yes, it is. Whenever anything goes

wrong, it's always my fault. Whenever it goes right, it's down to you. Thank

you, Raymond. I'm glad at last you're seeing how things really are. Oh, I see

how things really are, Arthur. I've had it up to here with you.

You can get yourself another mind. I'll work all the hours that God give me for

what, eh?

Third world wages and first class crap.

I should live to hear family talk to me like that.

All right, if that's what you want, that's what you'll get. When all those

are back and that car boot sales out of the way, you can leave.

And don't come back looking for a reference.

A reference?

Don't worry. I'll be looking for a decent job, not ten years inside.

I'm going to bed. You can kip on a couch.

Right.

Got them from Daly's insurance broker.

Thought they'd brighten up the office.

Good God, Field.

It's just as well he hasn't got a sideline selling garden manure, isn't

I don't want livestock clattering up the office.

Well, what shall I do with them, then?

Well, you can take them down to Canteen Arkham to grill them for you.

Where's that list of cars?

Daly currently owns three Ford Fiestas.

Two of them are grey.

Here you go, Arthur.

A blanket and a nightcap.

Large vodka.

Good night, Rain.

Good night, Arthur.

Hanging. Hanging on the doorknocker. Not even a note.

Whatever happened to love, honour and obey?

A bit like me, Arthur.

Redundant. Hey, what are you going to do?

I'll change later.

Oh.

I meant about auntie.

I shall maintain a dignified silence that always unnerves her indoors.

Come on, move.

My big day ahead.

Car boot sale.

Happy hour at the Winchester.

Happy hour.

King Cone, madam.

One for you, love.

There you go.

Yep, another one here.

Look, look, I don't want any more trouble from you.

First one here gets first choice of pitch, right? If you don't want any more

trouble, there better not be any ice cream in that canteen.

Hey, hey, we can't take these in the car boot sale.

Oh, yes, we can.

He hired a car, I bought one. We're entitled to a free pitch. Too right. So

about opening these gates?

What about all these lorries?

They belong to people who hired one of your cars.

Same thing applies.

Bloody professionals.

Ray, get over the lock -up. Load up as much stuff as you can.

Paris originals, Turkish towels. Two can play at this game. We'll knock them out

from the back of your car.

Right. Winston?

Yeah? Get those gates open.

Right.

Winston, women first.

Wrap yourself in one of these. I'll be back in a minute, Wyn. I'm just going to

have a look round, yeah? All right.

£8 .99.

How are the Turkish towels going?

Slow off. I'm not surprised. Blank on that lorry, selling them a pound

Right, not two quid off ours. Right.

Here, Wyn.

Wyn, two quid off ours. Yeah.

£6 .99.

Linda. Right.

Hello, young man.

How are you?

Limit for your girlfriend?

No, for me mother, actually.

Had a result with the dogs the other day. It's been yours for me.

What?

I don't know.

It's nice.

That is love. How much is this?

Two, Ray.

You can have it for 20 quid.

20 quid?

Yeah, me mum would love it.

Done. I'll take it.

It is a girl, innit? It is.

Yeah.

20 notes.

There you go.

Right, lads. Stick them behind the bar.

All this stock.

I hope half is right.

I'm just going to the Winchester to change.

When you've finished here, hop over to the car lot, get all the vehicles back

site. I've had enough of car hire.

I'll keep you a minute.

Here, Winchester, have a look at this.

H -D -A, got it from me mum.

Where did you get this?

I bought it from Linda.

It's nicked. Are you joking?

Yeah. When I was waiting for you and Arthur at the station, they were going

through a list of stolen goods. They were having a joke about this.

She typed pimple instead of dimple.

Surely not. There must be hundreds of them. All in this manor, where one's

been nicked in a burglary.

You're right. For this watch, it's been nicked. So has my suit and shirt. Did

you sell them? Of course I didn't. Then they'd be nicked. Stop your suit. What

about this watch? That Linda sold me a dodgy pedal.

Still thinking of crumpets. Just as well you're leaving. Come on.

When's it the club?

I've changed my mind. I don't want to go to the Winchester Club.

Take me to the Arthur Daly car lot and wait for me. Yes, sir.

Take my advice, you won't buy a car from him.

Linda Dealey, 31 Indleswick Road.

It hasn't been the same since they abolished caning, birching and hanging.

I had an MP in the back last week.

Oh, yeah? Look, I want to get to Indleswick Road in a hurry. Does this

more than 30 miles an hour?

See, what I want to know, Linda, is where you got this watch.

It's bent.

Now, what you do is your business, but when you're selling me yucky watches for

my mum, well, that's mine, ain't it?

You greedy cow, I gave you that to keep.

Knock out with the rest of your tap.

Now get out of the way while we're giving this paramedics a go.

This modern generation, they're all wimps. Can you imagine them fighting in

war like this? Yeah, yeah, all right. You wait for me and tell me when I come

back.

What are you doing here?

Someone's got to look after you, Ray.

You'll find another poo in the living room.

You'll also find the stuff nicked from those house burglaries.

I blame you for this, Field.

If you hadn't suggested going to that other address first.

Arthur Daly will now be claiming the insurance reward, and that pains me.

pains me greatly.

Uh, Mr. Morley, you, uh, managed to clean up the mess all right?

Ray, Winnie, come on.

I didn't know you knew karate, Arthur.

Ah, there's a lot of things you don't know about me, my son.

Perhaps I should dig around while you teach me, eh?

Yeah, perhaps you should.

Insurance reward, eh? That should make a tasty little earner. Split three ways,

Mr Daly.

Arthur?

Yeah, of course. Split three ways, Winston.

Oh, come on, Ray. Hurry up. Move.

We'll be late for the happy hour.

I think I hear the end of your happy

hour.

Thanks Arthur.

What you been doing with my car?

Driving it around England.

If you take my advice, you'll get the timing checked.

It gets a bit noisy at, um, 130.

Thanks for the help.