All language subtitles for Minder s06e05 From Fulham With Love

Love you like you want me to.

I can be so good for you.

Love you like you want me to.

Yes, dear, I know, dear. But that is no
reason that... Yes, dear, but I can't...

Let me explain, dear.

Yes, dear.

No, dear.

What's bothering you, John?

Nothing that a skin graft wouldn't put
right.

Not with you, John. Just cut all that
John crap. My name is Harry.

If you have trouble with two syllables,
just call me Tell. What?

I mean, what's that going to look like
when you're middle -aged, though, with a

couple of kids and a mortgage round your
neck? The only thing I'm going to have

round my neck is this, right?

All right, my dear, if you insist.

If you insist.

All right, then, is it, Uncle Arthur?

Just because you are the perverse
offspring of her indoors sister does not

you proper family.

It makes him your nephew. That's proper,
isn't it? Only because of the peculiar

laws of marriage, Terry. What I mean is
there are no actual genes or corpuscles

of the daily blood responsible for this.

Mr Prime Minister?

This spectacle of degenerate homo
sapiens. Here, Uncle Arthur, who are you

calling homo? And do not call me uncle.
I do not want people to think I'm

related to you in any way whatsoever.

We are, aren't we? I have an image to
keep up, and bald punks is not a part of

it. Skinhead. What?

Your nephew Nigel here is a skinhead.

Isn't that right, John?

Right, John.

Right, John. What do you mean you've got
to get the tribal identification right

or they'll get the ump?

Roger? Oh, yeah, right.

Look, will you two return to planet
Earth and tell me what you are talking

about? Thing is, have I got a job or
what?

You can start by cleaning that lot.

I don't want to watch motors, do I?

Terry, will you try and communicate with
him, because I'm finding it very

difficult. It's all part of your new
employment duties, Nigel.

Why can't I be a car salesman or
something?

A shaven head, dangerous and threatening
footwear, and a swastika ramp between

its minces. I am running a service
industry here. I deal with the public,

wear normal clobber.

Confronted by you, I couldn't even give
them free meals.

Am I right, or am I right?

Right, Johnny.

See you again.

Terry, show Nigel where the necessary
cleaning things

are, will you? They're just behind the
door on the right there. I know that, I

know that, but he doesn't. Tell him.

Why don't we have a tea break? Look,
Nigel, let's get one thing clear from

off. Your mother has intervened with her
indoors in the hope that I can, in some

unfathomable way, help you to become a
normal human being.

Nothing wrong with me, might I tell?
Right, Nigel, right.

Personally, I am of the opinion that
such a transformation would take many

of deep therapy in a top security
institution.

As a personal favour to your mother, and
in spite of terrible feelings of

foreboding, I am willing to give you a
chance to earn what will undoubtedly be

the only honest crust you'll ever earn
in your miserable life.

What's the on about, Tell?

Don't know, Nige.

Still, look on the bright side of it. It
could like you, then you'd really be in

trouble. You are on a week's probation.

Any looning about, and you're on your
bite with your cards. Got it?

Oh, I forsook, Uncle Arthur.

So, what are you telling me? I'm simply
suggesting, Captain, that I think it

would be ill -advised.

I am the Captain, and I will decide it,
what is or isn't ill -advised.

Comrade Natasha Grigorievna Yushko.

John? Morning, Mother.

Good grief.

You looking for someone or something, Mr
Chisholm?

How about you, John? One new mother?

Who or what is that?

That is family.

Family? That is Arthur's nephew.

And now an employee of Daily
Enterprises.

Daily Enterprises.

Ian, is he?

Arthur? No.

Don't mind if I seriously doubt your
words, do you? You'd be disappointed if

didn't.

Say where he be?

No. Say when he be back?

No. What was a minor detail information,
eh, McCain?

Yeah. Got the time, have you?

Yes, thank you.

Interesting kettle, Terence.

Oh, do you like it?

Had it long, have you?

Well, three years, yeah.

Well, of course, you've got a receipt.
Leave off with the chism. Yeah, right.

Got it.

Old Bill John, right?

Right. Yeah, listen, right. I was
thinking of joining the force, right? I

dead Andy with the boots, didn't I?

What do you reckon?

Not trying to take the piss, are we,
Sonny? No, I mean it, don't I? I'd love

wouldn't I, right?

Serious? Right, right.

What a boil on the backside of humanity.

I would have thought that Arthur had a
skinner for a nephew.

Let me enlighten you, Jones.

Almost any antisocial misfit is a
candidate for Daly's kiss, kid and

I mean, I can cop the odd bit of gear
off her, obviously, but this case is all

about bulk buying. Know what I mean? A
real proper Russian, you mean?

Well, say what?

Ain't that the same as you and me?

The man's a punter. What's the
difference?

Well, I don't have to tell you, Ernie.
You know, a lot of my gear is a sort of

pedigree that wouldn't stand too much
scrutiny, if it were wise. You know what

mean? No, of course it don't.

Here you go.

Oh, I forgot to tell you, Arthur.

Chisholm was asking after you to start
it out.

Chisholm? Yeah.

You say what?

No, no, he wouldn't, would he? Just
sniffing around, you know. Where would

be at that time? Would you be here this
evening?

That sort of stupid thing.

Who's this Chidham, then?

Local plod.

Gives me more than enough aggravation, I
can tell you.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I'm not sure I want to encourage
any more by knocking out gear to Russian

Matalos. I mean, they have a different
system to ours if it all goes boss

It's a bash on the Bond Standard Art
Alley at night and off you go.

Salt mines and Archipegalos. Not very
nice at all.

Turn it in, Arthur. I'm talking about an
ordinary seaman off an ordinary cargo

ship.

we're always knocking out bits and
pieces to them down the docks, having

for yonks.

Oh, I don't know, Ernie, I don't know.

Listen, I'm not trying to get a drink
out of it, that's what's bothering you.

No, no, no, no. I was trying to do you a
favour. I appreciate it, Ernie, I

appreciate it. In that case, I won't say
no if you do put me in, will I?

Oh, Dave, Ernie will look after this.

Cash customer, eh? Yes, sir.

Point of interest, what sort of gear is
this Soviet citizen interested in?

Well, um, they're very big on quart
watches.

All right, tell me... Hello, Mickey.
What are you doing round here?

Hoping to see Arthur, is he about?

No, I think he's gone to see his
accountant this morning.

Do you want me to give him a message?

Well, I've got these samples he was
asking about.

If he's interested, tell him to give me
a bell, all right?

Yeah, all right, yeah.

Hello, John.

Want a new motor?

Oh, er, this is Nigel, Arthur's nephew.

Is he kidding?

No.

Why did you leave it at the car lot?

Forgot it, that's all. Oh.

Well, I sent Nigel back for it.

You let that airless oaf have the key to
the office?

It's all right. It is not all right. Who
knows what he might damage or disturb

or thieve?

But Arthur, he is family. I mean, how
could he do a thing like that, eh?

Anyway, what's in the parcel?

Samples. Kettles.

Quartz. That's a quart to the price.

Yeah, well, coming from Mickey Coyne,
they've got to be oaky, haven't they?

It's all right to feel he feels.

Oh, look, just because a man's been
fitted by plot a couple of times doesn't

mean he's at it.

He is an honest entrepreneur, like me.

Exactly.

You know Chisholm was around the car
lot, don't you? Yeah, yeah, and Dave

he was around in Winchester, too.

I wonder what he's after.

Dodgy digitals, probably.

What makes you say that?

Well, he took more than a passing
interest in mine. Yeah, but that's

I know this isn't.

But it don't take the brains of Lloyd
George to work it out, does it, eh? Work

what out, McCann?

A two and two are four.

Or if it's dodgy, it's got to be daily.

I wonder what you're trying to imply, Mr
Chisholm. No implication, Arthur.

Simple statement of fact.

I would like to point out to you that
that is the sort of litigious remark

my lawyer would be only too happy to
pursue.

There is nothing dodgy about me or my
stock.

And you won't mind us having a look
round, will you?

Ask him, Terry, will you?

Have you got a warrant?

Tell him, will you, Jones?

Warrants are a time -consuming
formality, Arthur.

We simply tell any magistrate any damn
thing we like, and they'll sign on the

dotted, no question.

We know it.

You know it.

Everybody knows it.

So why should we bother, eh?

Particularly when it's someone as
patently dodgy as you.

Well, when it's put like that, it does
have a certain forceful logic about it.

Thank you for pointing that out to me,
Terry, yes. Yes, it does, doesn't it?

I suppose there's no point in asking
exactly what it is you're looking for,

Chisholm. Just a little, Arthur, none at
all.

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Uncalled for, Mr Chisholm, uncalled for.
I should have a word with your

suppliers, Ripper.

Oh, very good, James. Lovely way to earn
a living, innit?

Invading people's privacy, searching
their premises, vandalising it.

Uh, Nigel?

No, I should have a look over there.

Who gave you permission to drive that?
Get out.

Don't bring it in the car.

Terry,

get this back to the car lot, will you?

I want a word with you inside.

Sorry about this, Mr Chisholm. One of
Mother Nature's genetic freaks. Stop

there, Daly.

Oh, yes.

I can see the family likeness.

Oi!

Something wrong, Mr Chisholm?

Something certainly smells wrong. I
know, I keep talking to you about

hygiene, but you don't listen to a word
I say.

Right, if I can, let's see the boot.
Jones?

Yours? Part of my stock, certainly, yes.

Got a licence?

Has it?

Of course not, have I?

Oh, a minute.

Name? How do you stand it, Taff?

Celtic willpower.

And a morbid fear of unemployment.

I don't know, Mr Chisholm. Violence and
villainy running amok on our streets.

And all we can find time for is to
harass the innocent.

I want you, Ryan and Nick.

Driving licence, documents and the
insurance.

Nevertheless, considering the dismal
clear -up rate by the Met in this great

city of ours, I suppose...

Spare wheel and Jack.

That's all, Gaff.

I hate a disappointment.

Don't you?

Jones.

My friends.

You've got something for me, yes?

Could be, comrade, could be.

What are you drinking, vodka?

Whiskey. Your vodka's like a piss water.

Large scotch, Avril.

Do some business and I will give you a
bottle of real Russian vodka, eh?

And remember, Terry, diplomacy is
obdience.

Diplomacy? What are you talking about?

We are dealing with a citizen of the
Soviet Socialist Republic.

You're an actual communist.

But not only that, he's a foreigner.

So what's that got to do with it? Terry,
we are in effect ambassadors for our

country. Ambassadors?

And as such, we must conduct our
business in a proper English way.

And what's that?

Sympathy and understanding for the
oppressed citizen of foreign parts, but

remain sure and firm in our capitalistic
ideal.

Not ripping the punter off for every
ruble you can get, eh? That ideal.

Hey, listen, what are you going to tell
Chisholm that Nigel was family for?

Chisholm, of all people.

Just wanted to impress him.

Impress him?

Not even vaguely funny, Terry.

I shall have to put up with jibes about
my kith and kin for the next ten years.

Which is just about what you're going to
get if you're captured selling ooky

watches to the Russians.

I told you they are not ooky. I know.
Well, what about all that at the car lot

with Chisholm, then? I was simply trying
to protect Nigel from a confrontation

with the forces of law and order.

They have a very strong bias against the
youth of this country.

The boy's obviously simple in the head.
He could have said anything.

You're lovely, you are.

Here we are.

Listen, any sign of the KGB moving in,
you'll give him a right hand and give me

time to leg it, right? Oh, I see, yeah,
yeah.

Diplomacy, eh? Yeah. Ambassadors of our
country, huh?

Bullshit!

A leg.

Right, we've got a deal, then.

Three dozen at the aforementioned price.

A deal. I can let you have these and the
tracksuits more or less immediately.

Comprendez -vous?

Comprendez -vous? The guy's just
Russian.

Terry, am I communicating with a man or
am I communicating with him?

You savvy, don't you, Sergei? I don't
need lessons in linguals. There is a

common language that we all understand
and work in international trade.

Gold, Elvis.

Sorry about that, comrade, but you
understand about peasants, don't you?

He has good sense of humour, this lad of
yours. I like.

He likes you.

We do good business.

Terrific. Let's all have another drink
on the strength of it, eh?

Oh, and don't worry about the emotive
thingies.

I believe I have the genuine, similar
American article. Stars and stripes,

You're guaranteed to get striped by him.

And how's the salt market over there, by
the way?

Oh, I like!

Yeah, great!

I wonder what he's bought this time.

Perhaps we should ask the captain.

Last time, our comrade Sergei got me
some very nice degenerate underwear.

I will show you if you like, Vladimir.

Oh,

by the way, I was checking the
conversion rate of the ruble vis -à -vis

pound sterling in the Financial Times.

95p, I believe.

Yeah, what you might call the quid pro
copac, eh? Please, Terry, we're trying

talk global currency exchange.

We do not want to instigate a diplomatic
incident because of a misunderstanding

about the proper ratings, comrade,
right? Yes, yes.

Sergei Zhukovsky.

Why are you not for the rest of the
crew?

What's the point in learning English,
comrade, if I'm restricted from

the cause of exploited working classes
in the West?

Absolutely, absolutely.

You can introduce yourself.

Okay, Terry.

I'm Natasha Grigoryevna Yushko.

I'm pleased to meet you, Terry.

I am the bosun on the Ushenko.

Bosun? You?

You can't be a bosun. You are surprised
because I am a woman, yeah?

In Russia, women often do jobs like
this. Terry, I think we ought to be on

way. Arthur, hey, where's your manners?

What's all that about diplomacy, eh?

Ambassadors of our country.

Let me introduce you. This, Natasha,
yes?

Natasha, this is Arthur, and this is
Ernie. How do you do, Arthur?

Yeah, they're workers of the world.
Unite them.

Listen, listen, I've got to ask you
this. I've always wanted to ask a lady

of a ship.

Look, come over here. Come on.

Terry.

Is she really the bosun?

Yes. She's also party member and ship's
political officer.

Political?

KGB leave off.

Political officer's the same thing,
isn't it?

Cloak and dagger, you mean, eh? Funny
big hat, poisoned umbrellas, all that.

It's all very well to mock, my son, but
when it comes to the way the Ruskies

operate, I have read all my Len Dayton,
and I've listened to all Ronnie Regan's

speeches. I've seen too many James Bond
films.

You didn't mention to her about that bit
of business I'd done with that Sergei

Geezer, did you? You? No, no, no.

No, we traded in more important
information.

More important what?

What? Well, vital statistics, that sort
of thing, you know. Oh, very droll,

Terry, very droll.

Hey, keep your eye open for a chemist,
will you? I'm going to get some corn

plasters. Corn plasters?

It's well out of order, Uncle Arthur,
well out of order. Why have I got to

this? Because it offends my
sensibilities, and I told you not to

Well, I get a walk down the road... You
remove that, and you remove yourself

from my employ, understand?

People will laugh, won't they?

Well, it's better than reeling back in
horror and disgust. Here, come on, get

with sewing on these motor things. The
man's waiting for delivery.

I made a right ricket telling you I did
sewing in a bleeding detention centre,

didn't I? Well, never mind about that.
Just treadle the pedal.

Yeah, but for the sort of money you're
asking off of Arthur, they've either got

to be snide or bent, haven't they?

Well, does it matter?

He does witches and makes himself busy,
yeah. Don't worry about him. He's just

on his rounds trying to get lucky.

All right, then.

I'll take your word for it that you
don't actually know who's stormed the

witches.

But you do know who's punting them,
don't you?

I only know what I get told, Mr Jones.

That's why people like me tell you.

I mean, let's have it right.

No harsh root villain's gonna whip any
heavy stuff in my ear, are they?

This is your bottomless pit of
information, is it?

Deep gob.

Your own personal direct line to the
activities of the manor's major

Look, Gary.

The quality of grafting isn't what it
used to be.

What, with the judges giving them
porridge these days?

A name, you lowlife.

There are only gas meters outstanding on
our lots. We'll be fitting you nicely,

if you take my meaning.

Another cup of tea, lad, please.

It's lovely, isn't it? I mean, just want
to give her a bit of help.

How's it going, then?

Finished, isn't it?

Very good.

There may be a glimmer of hope for you
yet, my son.

Well, I folded and stuck them in a box
like what you said. Oh, lovely, lovely.

Terry, have you got any Duke of York?

Oh, and get me them Walkman thingies,
will you? Get me the lid of the box,

you, Nigel?

There you go.

Ta.

Oh, yeah.

Very subtle after. Very subtle.

Put them in there.

More overpriced Western merchandise for
our new petite bourgeoisie, eh, comrade?

Aye, Captain.

If the party must eventually give way to
capitalist market forces, eh?

They are the market forces, Sergei
Zhukovsky.

Or at least their offspring are.

Not like you.

What? Parting with the goods before
you've seen the reddies.

Ernie's on a drink for delivery and
collection.

I've known him for years.

You wouldn't turn me over, would you,
Ernie?

All done.

Large scotch. What else?

Large scotch, but he's paid on no
bother.

He's broke sales in a couple of days.
That's it. Arthur, what he'd really like

to get hold of is a cotter of trainers.

You know, those with the stripes down.
Keeps going on about Adidas. No trouble.

Well, sir, that's a done, isn't it?

Are you sure? That's not what we agreed.
What's wrong?

Nothing's wrong. Yes, we don't.

It ain't sterling, is it? Of course it's
not. It's rubles, isn't it? Rubles?

What the bloody good's rubles to me?

You're getting a flap, Arthur. You just
change it to bank.

You know, like any currency.

But how do I know that is the right
amount?

95 pence a ruble, that's what you said.

We worked it out from there.

Right.

Money's money, isn't it? Yeah, I suppose
so.

What's the matter?

Look, I don't understand.

Would you... That is, do you mind
repeating that?

It's forbidden currency, Mr Daly.

Forbidden currency? But I have an
account here. They can't forbid it. It's

I want to see the manager.

He'll only tell you what I'm telling
you.

There are certain currencies that we
don't recognise, and Russia is one of

But I've... You've been turned over,
haven't you? No, I have not.

That is not faintly amusing, Terry.
Please, don't go away.

Look, what we are talking about here is
one and a half grand in my capital. And

what is my whack?

Moscow monopoly money. Yes. No, no.
Look, are these or are they not genuine

banknotes? They appear to be genuine
rubles, yes.

And does this country conduct business
with Russia?

I understand what you're saying, Mr
Daly, but that is conducted more on an

exchange basis. Our goods for theirs,
you know.

I'm afraid we simply do not exchange
actual sterling for rubles.

Unless... What, what?

Well... You could try going to the
foreign desk of our main branch and

they would accept the money on a
collection basis.

Collection basis? What's that?

Well, briefly, it simply means that the
bank sends the cash, in this case your

roubles, to a Russian bank in the hope
that they will return the equivalent

amount in sterling. In the hope?

Sometimes they're cooperative and
sometimes not.

Well, it's sort of potluck, really.

Potluck in a bank?

Theirs, not ours.

Hardly the British way, is it? No, it is
not.

They have their little idiosyncrasies.

And if that isn't enough, this bird at
the bank tells me that Soviet officials

can get very curious about how large
lumps of their currency have ended up in

democratic hands, if you see what I
mean.

Well, a grand and a half in roubles is
hardly the sort of small change you'd

bring back from holiday over there, is
it? Exactly.

A man in my position could end up in a
web of international intrigue with...

knows what plots of red revenge on my
person.

Yeah, I can see that, Arthur.

I am serious, Dave.

Of course you are.

Yeah, well, and that isn't to mention
the unhealthy interest we'll be taking

me by our own, you know... Secret
service, huh?

MI5?

The professionals?

There are other clubs I can spend my
hour doing, you know, Dave.

Not if it's Ruble, is there?

Hello, Perry.

How did you find me? I mean... Oh, no,
sorry, sorry. Come here.

Thank you. Yes, straighten it. Here you
go.

So, how did you find me?

You gave me your phone number, remember?

Oh, come on, sit down, make yourself at
home.

Thank you.

Yeah, but I'm not lifted in a book or
anything.

Oh, that was no problem.

Our embassy is very efficient in these
matters.

Oh, dear.

I don't know whether to be worried or
flattered.

Why didn't you just ring me?

I wanted to surprise you.

Well, you did, yeah.

Listen, what do you drink, eh?

Have you got the Zubrovka?

Pardon?

She wants to know what?

If you happen to know where Sergei is.

What, the Russian matalo that I, um...
Yeah, that's the one, yeah. You know,

bloke we had a chat with in the pub with
Ernie.

Well, why should I know where the...
Something's not happened, has it?

Nothing's come on top, has it?

No, no, I don't think so, no.

Terry, the tone of your voice does not
give me confidence.

Well, the truth is that they, I mean,
the bosun, you remember, Natasha, she

thinks that the geezer has defected.

Oh, my good God.

And the Ruskies have stuck my name in
the frame, eh? They think that I, I

you... Is she still there?

Yeah, yeah.

Alone?

Terry, please.

This could be very dodgy indeed.

Well, it did cross my mind, Arthur.

Listen, don't mention my name on the
phone.

You never know who might be ear
-wigging.

That little firm under Chelsea Barracks
in the KGB can plug in at any trumpet

they like.

Oh, my God, what with this hand of
rubles.

I tell you what, do you want to talk to
her?

Talk to her? What, have you gone potty
or something?

Hello?

Oh, God.

Oh, hello, hello.

I was just... I would like to talk to
you about Sergei Zhukovsky, the seaman

from Dushenko, who you were talking to
with your friend Terry in the public

house where we also met.

Oh, yes, yes, I do vaguely remember.

I was just explaining to my comrade. I
don't think I can help you there.

It was just a brief encounter, a chance
meeting, grafters of the world

exchanging words of mutual
understanding, so to speak.

I do not think that is all you
exchanged, Mr Daly.

You know my name.

I think maybe we should meet and have a
little talk.

Sergeant Chisholm.

Yeah, right, yeah.

Asked me to come down personal, like,
didn't he?

What's it about?

I've got some information for him,
haven't I?

Information? Yeah, information.

Know what I mean, John?

I'll see if he's here.

Here, John.

It's Sergeant to you.

Oh, yeah, right.

Listen, are you allowed to wear what
sort of boots you like in this job?

Say, game or drug, I'm going to take you
up west.

Up the west? Yes, up the west! No, no,
no, not up the west. Up west.

West end.

You know, show you the sights.

You know what I mean.

I like you, you good man. We do good
business, eh?

Yeah,

yeah. Come on, up west.

What is what?

What do you want?

Oh, yeah, I'm here, aren't I?

So? Bring me documents, like you said.

You're supposed to produce them to him.

You said to produce them personally.

Yes, to the uniformed officer on duty.

Creepy. I was asking him about the
boots.

Boots? Well, if I do decide to join the
force, right, I want to wear them as

DMs, right? People respect them, know
what I mean?

Sergeant, I want this lad arrested.

Now. Here, hold up, John.

What am I supposed to arrest him for?

Wasting police time and carrying an
offensive mouth. Does it matter?

Get out, John. Leave it out.

I'm not sure about this, Charlie.

This way.

This ain't right, right?

Resisting arrest. Leave off.

Assaulting a police officer.

Found an abusive brain in a public
place. Do you want it or not?

I've

got

him here with me.

Where? Where is he with you?

Oh, we're in a phone box up west.

You've been showing him round Soho,
haven't I? Oh, that's nice, isn't it?

man stripes me for one and a half grand,
I've got the KGB on my Gregory, and

you're schlepping him round Soho.

Stripe?

KGB?

Hey, what are you on about?

What am I on about? I'll tell you what
I'm on about.

Do you think he will come?

Oh, yeah, yeah, well, he said he would,
didn't he?

This is a serious matter.

It might be serious to you, but...

Arthur and I don't know anything about
your missing sailor. But you are his

contacts. You are the one he was
friendly with.

Contacts? Chance meeting in a pub?

You've got to be kidding.

Kidding?

Yeah, joking.

Not serious.

Oh, no, no. No, no, I do not joke about
this.

I also know that you sold him various
articles.

No, no, no. Not us.

No, Terry, it is common knowledge on
board the ship that Sergei Zhukovsky

Western goods and sells them at home for
exorbitant prices.

But I thought all you Russian visitors
did that.

He exploits his comrades and betrays the
principles of communism.

You do take things seriously, don't you?

Don't you ever let your hair down?

But I have let my hair down.

No. No, no, what I mean is relax, you
know, have a good time, have a giggle.

Yes, of course.

When my work is done.

It's another... Yeah, of course you
don't count them.

How long will it be before he comes?

Not long enough.

How long are you going to keep him, Dub
-Dub Finger?

Long enough.

Then we'll have a little chat to him
about his Uncle Arthur.

Um,

what's that?

Don't show your ignorance, Terry. This
is a chap car.

The people's popular Edgier of our
Soviet friends.

Oh, friends is it now? I see. From the
right of Regan to the left of Lenin in

one fast swoop. Terrific. Is she here
still?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I think the time
has come for some delicate

international negotiations in the art of
detente.

Well, sounds very impressive. What's it
mean?

A slippery slav in return for my
sterling.

Better come in tonight.

OK.

Keep it under your chapka.

See? The thing is, Conrad, there's no
way I could take you home to my place.

My wife would go potty.

It's the nice thing about foreigners,
you see.

I must report to the authorities.

Ask for political action.

Asylum. No, no, no.

Not yet, anyway.

Let's see Harper first.

He'll help you out, don't worry.

That's why I rang him. Sold the earth,
hasn't he? My friend, Arthur. Sorry,

Jess. Get a cab.

Yeah.

Taxi.

But first, we have another trick.

No, no, you misunderstand, my dear. I do
not know where your shipmate is.

I'm simply offering what assistance I
can as a sympathetic citizen who has

his vote for socialism all his working
life.

I do not think I believe you. It's true,
I swear it.

Clement? Our old Jim? I campaigned for
all of them in their time.

You tell her. No, no, no. Look, look,
Natasha means she doesn't believe that

don't know where her shipmate is.

Oh, I'm from Working Stock myself, my
dear. I'm a man of honour. I couldn't

Porky's to me own.

But how can you help me if you do not
know where he is?

Modesty forbids, my dear, but I'm not
exactly unknown in the underworld. I'm

underground movement in this city.

I have many contacts.

And that is why it is vital that there
should be our little secret between us.

We don't want to bring in the
authorities.

No, that could be very embarrassing for
all of us, Mr Daly.

Yeah, yeah, I suppose discretion is
the... Pardon me asking, comrade, but

come you know my name?

Is that so important?

No, no, no, no.

Oh, there is one other little thing.

No? What is that?

Well, I don't have to tell you, my dear,
that unfortunately this is a wicked

capitalistic capital.

And as such, a quest of this nature will
incur heavy expenses.

In pounds sterling, I hasten to add.
Leave it out, Arthur.

I'm afraid we cannot possibly pay you
for this, Mr. Daly.

Arthur, call me Arthur.

I'd rather not, Mr. Daly.

Perhaps we should call in the
authorities in this little matter.

Um, no, no, no, no.

Natasha, look, Arthur didn't mean...

He wouldn't want any payment or anything
like that, did he? No, no, no, no, no.

Whatever gave you that impression?

No, no, I will bear the brunt of the
financial burden, have no fear.

As long as we're agreed that we keep out
the heavy mob.

The heavy mob?

Plod.

What is this?

The police.

The private army of the establishment.

And your lot with the furry overcoats
and the dodgy brollies.

I think he means the KGB.

Yes, I understand your nervousness.

in this matter.

Tell you what, I'd join the party to get
hold of that.

Can't you keep still now?

Well, I don't know. I mean, you're the
expert in how the Ruskies think, aren't

you?

Well, where is he, then?

Where is who?

Arthur, you're talking to me, remember?

He's with Ernie.

Where? Highgate.

What a place for a meet, eh?

Yeah. Full marks to Cole.

Oh, very good, Terry, very good.

But this is ridiculous.

Why? Well, why can't we meet in a nice
warm boozer or something, eh? Because if

any of the odd lot descend to claim us,
we can deny all knowledge of a defector.

We simply say we're showing Comrade
Sergei the resting place of the father

the revolution.

Well, yeah, that'll convince them, won't
it?

I don't know if you've noticed or not,
but Ernie and the Russian Patriot ain't

here, are they? No, they should have
been here before us.

Probably been captured and getting the
old treatment now.

What treatment?

Well, you know, the electric probes on
the nuts, all that sort of stuff. Terry,

please, I hate that sort of imagery.

Yeah, I'm not hanging about here.

I don't know what you expected to gain
from the meat anyway.

Well, where'd a man turn me over for one
and a half grand?

I bet he didn't think that.

Listen, that was real money to him,
wasn't it?

He could take that back to Mother Russia
and buy whatever he wanted with it.

Yeah, but look, if I can't have the
proper English readies, I want my gear

And how am I going to get that if he
defects and leaves all my goods on a

bound for the Baltic?

So what's the plot then, eh?

Well, what are you going to do, graft
him to Natasha so she can get a couple

evils from the Russian embassy to swag
him back against his will, eh? I am not

grass, Terry. I just want the man to
honour his deal.

That's all.

I mean, he can go back on board and say
he's been...

Mugged by a running dog, capitalist
hooligan, and woke up unconscious in a

or something like that.

Yeah, then what?

Well, then he can slip my good swirly on
the dockside.

Then as far as I can discern, he can
jump overboard and swim wherever he

to. Don't talk so much rubbish, Gordon.

Look, do you think they're going to let
him off the ship once he goes back on

it? Why not?

Well, they take it very seriously when
one of their citizens scarves it. Oh,

expert on defective Russians now, are
we?

You two are were elephants, aren't you?
Dave, Dave, I want you to meet, I want

you to meet... I forgot your bleeding
name, didn't I?

Yeah.

He's Russian.

I'd like to see him going slowly.

Yeah, yeah. Look, I was supposed to meet
up with Arthur.

Got a bit sidetracked. He's not in here,
is he? Oh, for ain't he?

No offence, Ernie, but don't ask me to
serve you and your pal any more booze.

Point taken, point taken, David. Just
for that one thing, got a bit of a

problem. I can see that.

No, no, no, it's not that.

It's him, you see. It's him. I've got to
get... I'm going to be sick.

I've really got to try and get myself a
better class of clientele.

And there's another thing you don't
know. Yeah, what's that? When these

defectors flop themselves in the West,
they have to undergo interrogation by

experts in psychotherapy warfare to make
sure they are not double agents.

Double agents? What are you talking
about?

After the man is the second stoker or
something on a merchant ship, he's just

hustler like you and me. That just shows
how little you know about the

netherworld of Smiley's people.

So even if you're right, and I'm not
saying it's not a possibility, he would

still have to undergo the interrogation.

They all break down in the end.

Confess all.

But, Arthur, he's got nothing to tell
them, has he? What about that little bit

of business we done with him?

Oh, you, Arthur. You done with him? Oh,
I see you're no longer on the firm. I'm

innocent, officer. It was him.

Arthur Daly. Nick him. Is that what
you're saying?

Pardon? You heard.

Hi, Joe.

Why aren't they cleaning the cars?

What?

What are you doing?

If there's one missing, I'll kill him.

You get that, will you?

Yeah, all right.

Given utterance, has it?

The odd Neanderthal grunt.

That is all, then.

Hmm.

You don't like being locked up, do you,
lad?

I ain't done nothing, right?

I want me Uncle Arthur here.

So do I.

So do I.

Yeah, well, ah, it's Dave.

Dave? What's he want?

I think I'll let him tell you that.

Dave?

Dave?

Perhaps now we should contact our people
at the embassy, Captain.

We can handle this ourselves, without
their bloody interference.

And what if something should go wrong?

If this is reported back to your
superiors, I think your ambition to

party ladder will be short -lived.

It was your idea to give them shore
leave, Captain. Under your supervision,

Comrade Natasha, I will arrange a couple
of the crew to accompany you.

So who did you actually speak to?

Well, the harbour master, and he said
he'd inform his captain. Oh, Dave, how

could you?

How was I to know he's some bleeding
defector you was doing business with?

I know, and he just threw up all over
the car seat in Scarborough without

telling me nothing.

What made you phone up the docks?

Well, I went through his sky and found
some identity, saw he's a merchant

seaman, and figured out he wanted to get
back to his ship.

And I wanted to get home to bed, and I
still do.

I could become the target for a KGB
assassin, and he's whining about getting

home to bed. Can you believe it?

Oi, oi, oi, listen, you.

We've still got to get him out of here a
bit lively. I mean, they're still going

to try and find him, aren't they? Come
and claim him, all that.

Yeah, and we've got some negotiating to
do soon.

Yeah, it's what I call a diplomatic
approach.

Very sensitive.

Tactful. Discreet. Yeah, considerate.

Ah!

Ah, my friend!

Seems to work.

Track suits.

Yeah. I saw the motors on, didn't I?

That's some Walkmans. Pocket stereo
things, you know.

Quartz watches?

Quartz watches.

Tell the time, for those of us who can
read it.

I don't know nothing about them. Never
saw one of them, thank you, Finn.

But he's all legit, isn't he? My uncle
Arthur told me.

Proper businessman.

He's in the service industry, isn't he?

You say he sold these items to a Russian
gentleman?

Yeah, that's all right.

A punter's a punter, my uncle Arthur
always says.

He wants me to learn the business,
doesn't he?

How do you feel? You all right now?

Yeah, it's a head pain. Oh, yeah.

Where are you taking me? Somewhere we
can discuss business, comrade.

A little matter of forbidden currency.

Hold on, look at that. It's all on us.

Oh, Terry.

It's her.

She's with them.

Trained Soviet killers, I can tell.
Don't talk rubbish.

Get off the ship. That's all. I saw them
in the pub. What is this? You have

betrayed me. Who betrayed you? I'm the
one who done his dough.

Oh, my God, it's George.

Hello again, Terry.

Natasha. Arthur.

Listen, listen, look, before we get any
further... Terry, Terry, Terry. They may

be carrying ice picks. Will you calm
down?

Look, you see, this is a free country,
you see.

Now, if he don't want to go anywhere, he
stays here with us, all right?

And this, Terry, is none of your
business.

No.

So, Sergei, you really think the British
authorities will let you stay?

Why they shouldn't?

Oh, don't be such a fool.

You are an ordinary merchant seaman of
absolutely no political consequence.

And you have been doing illegal actions
with English criminals.

You will be sent back home in disgrace,
Sergei.

And you will not be able to sail again.

And what of your family?

Have you thought about them?

Natasha, they should forgive you if you
come back to the ship with us now.

Well, it's down to you now, isn't it?
What do you want to do?

I don't know.

Perhaps they are making sense, huh?

Sense? What about my goods?

And what about these rubbish rubles?

You have betrayed a British working
class by turning me over. What do you

him up at Eget would say if he knew?
Well, well, well.

What have we here?

They are not mine. They are rubles.

That will do nicely.

This way, ladies and gentlemen, please.

What's going on?

Who is this man, Paddy?

That man is old Bilski.

So is that one.

Do you speak Welsh?

misunderstanding, Mr. Chiswick. Bleeding
liver, take it. Yes.

You are making a big mistake, officer.

We are Russian citizens on a sightseeing
tour. Move along, please. I was just

helping him find a bureau of exchange.

Isn't that right, sir? I want to see you
superior.

I demand that you contact the embassy
immediately. All in good time, madam.

God's sake, what were you thinking of?

Are you sick? Is that it?

Are you suffering from...

If I could just put this matter into
some kind of... I've had them all on to

Perspective. The yard, the home office.

What are we doing arresting Russian
nationals?

What do I tell them?

That on what appears to be no evidence
whatsoever... Sir, that's not quite

I do not wish to hear it. I don't want
to hear it.

This obsession you've got about nicking
Arthur Daly is getting totally out of

control, Sergeant. Totally.

A relative of mine of grass. The shame
of it. Leave it out, Uncle Arthur. Ain't

no grass.

They didn't tell him about the dodgy
watches, did they? Oh, bloody hell. Oi,

oi. Turn it.

No, it's all right, it's all right.

Get out of me. You got a right result
just getting out of me, didn't you? A

right result? Yeah. I'd done one and a
half grand. I couldn't even claim the

rubles back as mine.

Chisholm took them and gave them to the
Ruskies and they've done the offman.

Don't worry about it, Uncle Arthur. I've
done them right, haven't I?

Terry, hit him.

You'll enjoy more than I will.

Yeah, yeah, I will.

Bunged them over the side just before
they sailed, didn't he?

Shared out something about insulting the
memory of 20 million comrades in the

war. Still, at least you got something
back out of it, eh, Arthur?

Now you're in the international market,
aren't you? I mean, it's bound to be

some punters who want them somewhere.

Yeah, but where?

Bolivia? Argentina?

Paraguay? So it's large vodkas all round
then, eh, Arthur? No, it is not, Dave.

All right, Sal?

I do not believe it.

Neither do I.

Sorry, mate. This is members only.

Leave it. I'll come see me Uncle Arthur,
ain't I?

Oh, you're joking.

Don't you see the likeness? How many
times have I got to tell you? You are no

kith of mine. You are an unrelated oaf.
Probably an anonymous donation to a

sperm bank. Now, I'll be.

What sort of thing to say about family,
eh? He is not family.

Oh, he really is your nephew then, eh,
Arthur? You still here?

Come for me wages, ain't I?

Wages?

Forgot to pay me, Uncle Arthur, didn't
you?

I'll pay you all right. Dave, you've got
that truncheon you keep behind the bar?

If you're going to get by it, Uncle
Arthur, I think you'd better talk to me

first. Your mum?

Lily?

Mummy? Uncle Arthur is down here.

You're winding me up, aren't you? No.

Oh, my God.

Have you ever thought of defecting,
Arthur?

Do you think that boat's gone yet?

Your bottle has.

Nazner of you.

Cheers, comrade.

If

you

want to change the situation...

I've got a good idea Just you keep me
near

I'll be so good for you I could be so
good