Original subtitles

Oh, Frank, my darling.

How was your day? Not now, Funky. I'm not in the mood.

You're still playing hard to get. Look, I'm not playing anything.

Listen, don't worry.

When common sense knocks your head, you will realize that I am the woman for

you. Look, I have just come here for a quick sandwich. Leave me alone.

Oh, Frankie, darling.

And your sandwich needs some Funky filling.

Okay.

There you are, my Funke.

Looking all wide -eyed, bushy -tailed. You are the animal in me bushy tail.

do you want?

Calm down, hot stuff.

Funke, I have acquired two tickets to go to the opera.

Now, I need someone to take with me. Someone hot, sexy and spicy.

Think yourself.

I was actually thinking of taking you.

I'm washing my wings. I'm very busy.

Funke.

When are you finally going to realize that I'm the man for you?

Lie, lie.

That will never happen.

You all

right

there, Frank?

That's the problem with these women. They don't realize when they've got a

man. OK.

I'm surprised you see her as a woman at all.

A woman that can cook.

A woman that could take charge.

I don't know, Frank. I don't know what she sees in you.

Look, I wish she didn't see me at all. My life would be so much easier.

Frank, you could be the answer to all my problems.

How? For some reason, Funke seems to have the hots for you.

Now, if you could persuade that sugar lump to go out with me, that I'm the man

for her, that'd be fantastic.

Would you like to spend a day with Funke?

Over my dead body?

I'll pay you over your rich dead body. Look, no amount is worth that softly.

£50. That is torture.

£100. That is immoral.

£500.

It's a deal.

Goodbye.

Now, what you've got to do, Frank, is to convince Funke that I'm the man for

her. You've got one day to do it, Frank.

One day to get Funke to fall in love with me. Don't you worry.

When I have finished with her, she'll be madly in love with you.

Oh.

He had a banjo.

Bayo, you won't believe it.

Is your weekly prayer meeting in this house cancelled?

Hallelujah. Because now I can watch my football in peace.

Why would I cancel that?

No, it's good news.

So why don't you and I go upstairs and you can deliver this good news to me in

person? You, this man. Must your mind always be in the bedroom? No, it's not

that. Gladie, unless somebody's paying the mortgage, or Arsenal have won the

World Cup. You can't disturb me, right? We have just received a letter from MTA

Productions. MTA? Who's that? I've never heard of them.

It's the company that produces your favourite quiz show in Nigeria.

Home Advantage?

Home Advantage?

Hey! You two can win lots of naira, pounds, dollars, sterling, from the

of your living room. Yes, Bayo. You're such a calamity. That's great.

Why are they writing that? Well, they are producing a special show here in

London. And I applied for us to take part. What are they saying?

I don't know. I haven't opened the letter yet. Open it, woman. Open it now.

open it.

Home advantage.

Congratulations to the Adebanjo family.

Your family has been selected to participate in Home Advantage. The quiz

will be broadcast to millions of Nigerians.

Potato, we are famous.

The crew will arrive at your house on Saturday night.

That's tomorrow. I'm famous.

The TV star.

Ready?

We have to brush up on our general knowledge.

And I must go to the barber's and shave. Sharp, sharp. Snip, snip.

Oh, no.

What's the matter? Don't worry. You can get your hair done.

But as long as you go to Yasikera on Teckham High Street, the one that does

pounds, two pounds per weave on. If I'm going to do my hair, I'm going to talk

to him. Okay, okay. Go, I will pay. I want you looking gorgeous for all of

Lagos. It's not that.

It says that some of the questions will be asked in Yoruba.

Gladdy, that's fine. No problem at all. I am the most famous scholar in all of

Nigerian languages.

Yoruba is too good, too hot, too fantastical.

Yes, Mr.

Fantastic. But Shadi and Tobi can't speak Yoruba.

Oh, no.

What are we going to do?

We'll have to cancel.

This is 5 ,000 pounds of Stalin. We're talking about Stalin.

But our kids can't speak any Yoruba. What if they can't answer the questions?

We'll be the joke of Nigeria.

Says the woman who set this whole thing up.

You are blaming me. I can't blame myself, can I?

Maybe they picked up a few words when we speak it.

Exactly. That is how I learned to speak English. By picking it up when other

people spoke.

And watching James Bond over and over again.

Sicking. not stand second toby chad

toby yes and

toby

oh my god it's finally happened he's got dementia

it's okay i

know you're confused it's your age so you mean you don't understand the word

your father is saying of course not why would we wait wait I know some Yoruba.

Hey, thank God. Gladys, at least you brought up one of our children

That's my Toby. That's my Toby.

Show your mother. Show your mother.

Come here.

That's what you used to say to us when we were kids.

We are finished.

Gladys, don't worry. By fire or by force, we will do this quiz.

Quiz? Yes, this TV quiz, and we are going to win lots of money.

TV? Yes. I'm going to be on TV? Yes. Dad, oh, my God, I have to get a new

I need to go get some new shoes, make -up. Dad, my... Shut up.

You and Dodie have one day. One day to learn Yoruba.

One day? To learn Yoruba.

Not Yoruba.

Yoruba.

And to get the Yoruba along, you will learn it.

So when do you want me to start with Operation Funky Fault for 50?

Listen, I want you to start right away, Frank.

Look, it's 250 now.

And I promise you, I'll pay you the rest later.

Now listen to me, Frankie.

I have faith in you.

Don't you let me down.

Funky.

Funky.

Funky.

Yes. Common sense has finally knocked your coconut head.

You have fallen for your wife.

You're funky, fabulous.

Yeah, well, I wouldn't go that far, but I've had a change of heart.

It's time I got to know you.

I would like to spend the day with you.

Oh, my God. Thank you, God, for answering my prayers.

Oh, I will marry this year. No, I will marry this week.

Sit down.

I want to process you well, well.

Process my husband.

Yes, my love.

But we need to talk about Mr. Fix -It. No, forget about Fix -It. We need to

prepare our marriage.

Look, go and fetch my shoes.

Where are you going?

We need to go to the registry office.

Sharp, sharp.

Oh, my God.

Funke. I know you like to be treated.

Taken out.

To places where the elite go.

Such as the opera.

Frank.

me to the opera. Oh, God. I will die.

No, but I know someone who will.

If you mention that fix it one more time. But he's a very nice man.

Yay!

Are you okay?

It's my leg.

Help me to rub it.

And I thought it couldn't get worse.

Oh, come on, my husband.

Help me.

I can't do this.

Going somewhere, Frankie?

Fix it.

Have you been spying?

Don't be stupid.

I just want to make sure that you're keeping up your end of the bargain.

Look, I've tried, my friend. I can't handle this.

Frankie, we had a deal.

Look, you can take your money.

Frankie, are you being serious?

You're doing all that child support you've got to pay.

I'll tell you what.

Do me three more hours and I'll put extra on top of what I'm paying you.

hours?

That's a life sentence.

Frankie, remember our deal, baby?

Don't let me down. I've got faith in you. Get in there.

Funke, Mr. Fixit, you know, he's a very nice guy.

He's no friend. Yeah, I know, I know, but say I was unavailable. You should

consider... You are not unavailable.

You are a wanted man.

Wanted by me.

Now sit down.

And let us spend this time you have together.

I'll make you some good food.

You like to eat?

Well, now that you think of it, I am a bit hungry.

See?

Now, Sade, let's start with you.

I'm going to teach you to say, my name is Sade in Yoruba.

Okay? Are you ready?

Very good.

Orukomini Sade.

Orukomini Sade.

Sade, what was that?

Are you from India?

Say it again.

Orukomini Sade.

Orukomini Sade. You are speaking through your nose. Where is your accent?

In London, where I'm from.

Toby, your turn.

I want you to say, I am from Peckham.

Are you ready?

Don't say it, my friend.

What was that? You sound like a washing machine that's not working.

Look,

Dad, this isn't going to work.

You're just going to have to cancel the quiz.

I don't want to look stupid.

Yeah, Dad. I mean, how do you expect us to learn a whole language in a day?

I mean, I studied French for five years, and all I know is gracias.

Hola, bro.

Yes, hola. Oh, Shadi. That's very good. Good start. Yes, hola, dude. That's

good. This is getting ridiculous, Dad. I'm out.

Yeah.

Kids, where are you going? I mean, has this lesson finished yet? Oh, dabo.

Oh. Toby, that's good. That's a good start. You see, my training is working.

What am I going to do?

How will these children learn Yoruba?

He's hilarious.

You know we have so much in common.

That's because we have not talked properly.

We like the same movie.

Yes. The same comedy.

We love to travel.

You like romantic novels like me.

Yeah, well, keep that one to yourself, okay?

I've been telling you all along that I'm the woman for you.

Hello, Funky, darling.

Are you all ready for your big night at the opera?

Of course not.

Well, don't hang about then. Hurry up. Go on, get your coat.

I'm going with Frank.

Frank, can I just have a little word, mate? Yeah, yeah, hold on a sec. I just

wanted to tell her about... No, Frank, I like a word on your show like.

Oi!

What did Funky just say? What does she mean, she's going to the opera with you?

She said, it's not my problem.

She chose me instead of you.

Ah, but Frank, don't you remember?

Me and you, we had a deal. I know, and I tried, but circumstances have changed.

How? Well, I think I've finally started to see the woman that you have been

seeing. Funke is one of a kind.

Oh, my happiness, the girl is mine.

Hey, Funke, Frank is using you.

I long to be used by Frank.

Funke, I'm not using you. Wait, yes, but no.

I can explain. Yeah, no, no, no need to. I can explain.

I paid Frank money to spend the day with you.

I don't believe you. You're an enemy of progress.

Let me explain, Funke.

I paid him to convince you that I should be your man. Now, for some strange

reason, I knew you'd listen to him.

It's not like that, Funke.

How much did he pay you?

I'll tell you that.

£500? Yeah, I actually only paid £250.

I don't believe you.

£500?

Is that what I'm worth?

Funke?

I feel differently now.

No, no, Funke, no. He actually said that he wouldn't die, no, sad.

manly, lonely -looking woman. He went as far as saying, over his dead body.

All right.

A woman has to stand up for herself and not allow this nonsense.

You disgraced me, Frank.

My heart is broken.

Funke, Funke, I feel differently. Funke!

Welcome back to Home Advantage.

The Ade Banjo family are doing extremely well. And they've just passed the

Yoruba round.

And they've banked themselves £1 ,000.

Fantastic.

Let's play the next round. Mum and Dad are doing so well.

Yeah, and we're going to lose them all this money. Dad's going to kill us.

Toby, Dad said he had a plan.

Remember?

Well, let's plan a better work.

Bayo, it's a politics question. Ah, this is my area. Hey, Baba.

How do you go? Who became Britain's Prime Minister for the first time in

Pastor Gladys.

Tony Blair.

Tony Blair is the right answer.

Hey! My word, Ba, you've got yourself a smart one. This matter.

Okay, that's the end of that round.

Parents, I can say that you have banked 2 ,000 pounds.

Hey! I don't get a letter. God, do we know.

I don't get a letter.

But the question is, can your kid win

that money for you?

It's down to them.

Bayo, Gladys, are you confident?

So we're back with the Ade Banjo Kids.

Now, first question is for you, Toby.

Here goes.

What is the favorite dish for the people of Lagos State?

Jollof rice.

Jollof rice.

Jollof rice.

Correct answer.

You're watching Home Advantage.

This is going so well.

The kids are actually getting the questions right. Gladly. Give credit

credit is due. I told you I had a plan. Ah, we've hit the jackpot. Yeah, baby.

Yeah, baby.

Next question to you, Shade. Shade Adu.

Chinni etumor N -T -E.

Nigeria Television Authority.

Nigeria Television Authority.

Oh, just say it. Oh, Gladys, why do you have to go to the toilet at this time?

Oh.

Pique?

I was wrong.

I'm going to pass that question now to Toby. Nigeria Television Authority. You

stupid buffoon, Toby.

Red. What's wrong with this stupid phone?

Also a wrong answer.

Fix it. Next time you sell me this kind of phone, I'm going to fix you. As a

fixer, I will fix you.

Okay,

you struggled on that.

And you lost a bit of money.

But don't worry.

It's now time for the English questions.

This connection is lost.

Gladio. My God, money is going.

So.

If you had known Yoruba, none of this would have happened.

By now we'll be celebrating our victory in a posh restaurant.

Golden Ramses, the EV.

The IV.

Whatever. Such a calamity.

Anyway, not to worry. The film crew said they will re -film the quiz next year

and definitely we will win that jackpot. Dad, we can't. It's too risky.

That is why you are going to start learning Yoruba online.

You have a whole year to be fluent.

But, Dad, I've got so much uni work.

Yeah, Dad, it's really, I mean, it's stupid.

If we win this jackpot, I promise that we will share the money with you.

I won it first. No, no, no, me.

Go on, you gladi.

If your children are so money upset.

I wonder where they get it from.