Original subtitles

Yes, Karen.

I'm not well, though.

I sound fine?

Huh?

How do I sound now?

Terrible, yes, I know.

I don't know how I will be later.

So I can't make any promises.

Yes. Sorry.

Bye.

Hey! Stupid woman.

That was so easy. So easy. Easy.

Easy. Easy.

Easy. Easy.

What is the matter with you?

Jumping up and down like a hyena.

Dancing and making noise and waking all of us up. Potato, I am sick.

What kind of mysterious illness is this?

Because you look fine to me. No, no, Potato.

I am pretending to be sick so I can take the day off and do some security work.

Security.

Security work.

Why on earth would somebody allow you to protect anything?

How can you even protect yourself?

Tony has specifically asked me to be at the cafe during the official visit of

the mayor of London.

Without my protection, there will be no visit from the mayor.

That's right. So Tony was forced to hire you.

Forced, persuaded, all the same thing.

So... You mean you are leaving your job as a distinguished housing supervisor to

be running around after riffraff in the cafe?

This is not about distinguished.

It's about making money.

Money!

Tony is paying me double to be there.

Besides, I care to meet the mayor of London one -on -one. You know, give him

piece of my mind. Step up my political career.

Step aside.

Step aside.

That's right.

Gladys, now, check me out.

I'm so excited that the mayor, Maurice Johnson, is coming to visit our cafe.

The only bad thing is that he is going to be there.

The very fact that I am in the cafe will bring more prestige.

Tony is tired of serving all the commoners that you attract.

Yes. Are you conscious?

Be conscious what? Uh -uh. Amy, come on now. Look here, I will destroy you,

okay? I don't have time for your nonsense.

Today I am working under Her Majesty's security service, protecting the mayor

from your nonsense.

Do not show me up in front of my friend, Mayor Maurice Johnson, okay? If you do

anything stupid, make no mistake, I will remove you sharp, sharpest from the

premises.

Please, both of you, please. Just do your job properly.

And not go and show up this family in front of important people. Don't worry,

Potato. I have the situation under control.

Oh, and remember, if Karen calls, I'm sick.

Buff, buff, buff.

Buff, buff, buff.

You are such a calamity.

You must be under the weather.

Come on, pick up, pick up.

Yo, Shadi.

Hi.

Can I have 50 pounds?

But you're loaded with your student loan.

What? Spending on books.

More like shoes, you mean.

Come on, sis.

You know you're my favourite sister.

Well, I know you're my only one, but still.

Shadi, why you got to be so tight?

I mean... Sorry.

Hello.

Sorry. Yo!

Kevin C in a place to be. What's up, family?

What's up, Kev?

Toby, turn that frown upside down. I'm here.

What's the plan?

Man, I'm broke.

Nothing new there, Toby boy.

Unlike me.

You got the game.

How could you afford it?

One word, Toby.

Scratch card.

Kev, scratch card's two words.

Whatever, man, it doesn't matter. I'm on a lucky streak. This game is sick. I'm

on level three already.

You should join me in my scratch card adventure.

You can win serious money.

Ten pounds, hundred pounds, ten Gs, hundred Gs.

Scratch away.

Hold on.

This cost me a quid.

If you want half the winnings, you've got to pay half the ticket.

Okay, that's cool. Right, that's 60p then.

Kev, half a quid is 50p.

Maths was never my strong point.

It's looking good.

Just got to match up one more symbol and... A winner!

Boom! We're winning!

That's £10 in the bag!

That was too easy! I told... I told you, I'm a lucky guy and together we're a

lucky pair.

Maybe we should buy more.

We could win big. I mean, we could win 100 grand big.

True, true. I could put my five in, you could put yours in.

We could buy like 10 scratch cards.

Sounds like a plan.

Boom!

This is too itchy.

Let me put this one on. Let's try.

Too short, man.

I need to look good for the mayor.

A little help over here, Funke. The mayor's coming in under an hour.

What? Why don't you ask this pota for help?

Eh? Potake.

Funke get it right. I am head of security.

I can't believe that out of all the places in London, the mayor chose to

this cafe.

I know.

He wants to meet small business owners like myself.

Today is the proudest day in Tony's Cafe's history. That's right.

Not many of us will have this.

I need to go to Peckham High Street to get another win.

I have to look good for the mayor.

Look good for the mayor. Go, go, go.

Tony, how long do I have till the mayor, my friend, Morris, comes?

Less than an hour. Oh, OK. Now, I'm putting on my running heels and I'll be

in one hour. Less than an hour.

But, Fonke, there's still so much to do.

It's all right.

Got one of those free coffees going.

Where do you think you're going?

To get my coffee. Like I do most mornings.

What's your name?

Frank. My friends call me Hobo Frank, though.

Ah, well, your name is not on the guest list.

Guest list?

In a cafe?

Only the mayor and a few specially selected people are allowed in here

you think the mayor wants to hang around a hobo like you? No, I don't think so.

The mayor is allergic to poor people.

Who's he going to come to a cafe like this for then? My friend, I give you

seconds to remove yourself or I will physically, physically, as security,

you to your back bench.

Actually, I'll leave you in the supermarket doorway.

Shut this. I don't want to meet with the stupid mayor anyway.

Is that right?

The mayor doesn't want any customers around?

Of course, Tony. He's too dangerous.

Tony, that's why he chose this place, because nobody comes here.

Yeah, I was thinking, like, maybe seven Ferraris. Yeah, I might get like 10 or

12, mate. I think that's a... You're over the top, man.

Who drives a leak?

Sade, hashtag looking fine as ever.

Sophie.

Hashtag, stay away from me, you complete and utter freak.

Toby,

still begging for money?

Got some of it.

What, mum and dad gave you money?

Nope. Sade, I won it.

Freaks on a winning streak.

You two are stupid.

Those things never work.

Uh, it just did. Mm -hmm. We just bought ten scratch cards.

Invested. Oh.

It was probably good luck or a one -off. I would hardly call you invested.

Well, we'll see.

It's got the match -up, these symbols, and... Winner, winner, chicken dinner

with jello fries!

So what is that? Is it another tenner? No, Toby!

That's a hundred pounds!

Get in!

You guys want £100?

Well, of course we did. Just like that.

Winning streak continues.

We can use this £100 for more scratch cards. I'm talking big money. What, like

one grand?

Maybe more.

Look, I want in.

You've got to give me a kiss. Keep dreaming.

If I put in £100, then we can buy double the amount of scratch cards and get

double the winnings.

You have a hundred pounds.

Uni loan.

The joys of being a student.

But I want half the winnings.

No, that only leaves me with 10%. Kev, that's 25.

Math is never my strong point. Kevin, life isn't your strong point. Maybe we

could have more money and get a higher stake.

Like it. Nice.

I could sell my PS3 and we could get, what, a hundred pounds for it? We could

split it three ways of winning.

Sounds like a deal. Yeah. This has became a family business.

Oh, hashtag never gonna happen.

Ha!

They couldn't.

They couldn't.

Don't.

Give me yours here.

Come, there you are.

Back to your position, please, security.

Wonderful to meet you, Mr Mayor.

Yes, yes, yes.

Great.

When I said I wanted to meet small business owners, I wasn't talking about

height.

Look, I hope you don't mind, but we'd like to use your cafe for some meetings.

I'm meeting somebody from the local housing team.

Of course, Mr Mayor. Please, make yourself at home. Anything I can get for

What have you got? The mayor is allergic to nuts.

Have you got any caviar?

No, but I can get some. Two seconds.

Pio, I need you to hold the fort.

Go now, my security.

I've got to go to the cash and carry and get Mayor Morris his caviar. I can't

let him down.

Whose idea was it to come to the dump?

Yours. Next time I have an idea, ignore me.

Right.

Ah, my mayor.

Oh, Gandhi top.

I greet you.

I think the housing officer should be arriving shortly.

Great.

What am I supposed to be saying, then? You're saying this.

Ah, yes, yes. Thank you.

Oh,

hello. Hi. Nice to meet you. Hello.

Please may I introduce Mr Mayor Morris Johnston.

Oh, yes. Yeah.

Hello.

Mr. Mayor, it's a pleasure to meet you.

I'm Karen Miller, and I'm in charge of Peckham Social Housing.

Please, take a seat.

Thank you.

Yeah?

Yeah, yes, we're in some... Can we get the mayor a glass of water, please?

Yes.

And a muffin.

Look, this is unacceptable.

The mayor expects service.

Take it to his table.

the news that you want to hear, but we're going to have to make them cut.

But Peckham desperately needs more helping.

We're in a crisis.

Excuse me. Come back, please.

You work in Peckham, right?

And whereabouts do you live?

Familiar. Well, you know... We all look the same.

That's true.

You can't talk like that.

I'm not on record, am I? No, thank God.

The mayor apologises for what he just said.

He's a bit of a joker, really.

We bought 200 scratch cards and not one of them's a winner.

Kevin, we bought over 300 scratch cards.

I know, I know. Math is never your strong point.

Charlie, this is bad.

Bad? Bad?

You've just lost what you've won.

I've lost my uni money.

And what's worse is my nails are ruined from all this scratching.

Charlie, don't be so selfish.

I've sold my PS3.

How am I going to live without her?

Kevin, you never put any money in. Hey, that first scratch card was half mine.

That's seed money. I've lost two.

It was a pound.

It was my pound.

I've scratched so many cards. When I close my eyes, all I see are cherries.

That's what we need.

Three cherries and we would be winners right now.

What? Three cherries and we've won?

Yeah.

I was looking for oranges.

I had a card with cherries on it.

What?

So, we're winners?

I guess so.

It must be here somewhere.

We've got to find it.

Charlie, how could you not know that we needed three cherries to win?

I'm new to this. Remember?

I'm looking, it's got tears from where... What

is

going

on in here?

It was Johnny!

Are you kids gambling?

Wasting your money on all this junk?

How can you be so foolish?

Wait till your father hears about it.

Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.

That's the winner. That's the card.

Mum.

Mum. Keep calm.

No sudden movement.

Just put down the scratch card.

Nice and easy.

You think this is how you make money, eh?

Relying on luck and gambling.

Do you know how many people's lives have been ruined by gambling addictions?

You want to make money, you work hard and you earn it.

Why do you think you go to school, eh?

My friends, clear up my table now. Kevin, go home.

And where do you think you're going?

The mayor's glass is empty.

Oh, Tony, where are you? This day cannot get any worse.

I'm... Sorry, the mayor is busy.

No visitors.

I'm not a visitor.

I'm here to see Morris.

But, sir, I can't... Mayor,

it's time we talked.

I'm sick and tired of you taking money from the poor and making your rich mates

richer. Now, stop today!

Look, just calm down, sir.

Yes?

There we are.

See, I'm not making a bang!

Hey! Lady?

What do you call a lady?

What are you doing here in a wig?

You told me you were sick.

Yes, Karen, I'm very ill. What?

What an important day like today. A day when you knew I was meeting the mayor.

What if I knew you were here for a meeting? I wouldn't be here.

Maybe if you listened more at work, you'd have known.

This is unacceptable.

I've had enough. This can't be tolerated.

Finally, a reason to get rid of you.

Bio Adabanjo.

You're fired.

Hold on, Karen.

I think I need to thank you for being so brave and protecting me.

In fact, I think you saved my life.

That's right, Mayor.

As a sign of my gratitude, I shall ensure that Peckham doesn't suffer from

cut. that is protected in the future.

You can't fire this woman.

No, I'm a man.

Really? Are you sure?

I'm positive.

You can't fire this man. He just saved Peckham from the biggest budget cuts in

years. And in fact, I would do whatever you could to keep him.

Yes, um...

Maybe I did jump the gun just a bit.

You see, Karen, the mayor is right. I'm a hero, Karen, a hero.

Wait till the guys in the office hear about this.

Including how you dressed up as a woman.

Maybe we shall leave that bit out.

Up you get.

Come on, it's safe now.

Let's get out of this hellhole.

This day can't get any worse.

Look at that.

I like your hair. Same to same, see? You like my hair?

Let's take photographs.

Same to same.

I think I spoke too soon.