Original subtitles

And the boiler is not working.

Yeah, yeah. But we don't have any engineers.

They're all busy.

We are inundated.

Yeah.

It's going to take time.

I've got it. I've got it.

Ah!

That useless carrying bin on a holiday.

It's like a holiday for us.

Freedom!

Well, I must admit...

All this hard work is exhausting me.

But I think you might be overdoing it a bit with your clothes. My friend, I am

fed up with wearing a shirt and tie to work.

This is our day off.

But that's your problem, Bayo.

It is not our day off.

Karen has given us specific orders to carry out. I will do them later.

You said that last week.

What about the most important thing on that list?

What list?

You see, you haven't even read it. We are meant to be refurbishing that

that was destroyed. Get it looking brand new by the time Karen gets back.

Frank, will you relax and enjoy our holiday?

We have plenty of time. I can do it later, Joe. Karen is gone for two weeks.

weeks! You better.

The way we deal with that property will be used as judgment towards our annual

performance review.

If we mess this up, there's going to be some serious problems.

So you want to do it now?

Now, now.

Now, now, now.

Five minutes after the footy has started?

You're right.

The property can wait.

That's the spirit, Franco.

Franco de Franco.

Franco de Franco. Hey!

Hey! Let's go there. This is my favorite place. Look at that. Hey, come on. Pass

the ball, pass the ball. Let me get my glasses. You good.

Who is your mother?

Are you playing cricket?

Hey, hey, hey. Run away, Joe.

What's going on?

Is this not the matter with us?

Oh,

Frank, what about the squad? I can feel it.

Frank, what's the matter with you?

30 in the morning. Oh, is that the time? Oh, sorry, Karen. It's just that we

have been working since the early hours.

We have?

Well, work doesn't start till 8.

Nobody asks you to do that. And, Pio, why?

Why are you wearing stupid multi -coloured fancy dress?

Stupid fancy dress? This is my cultural address.

Why are you here?

You are meant to be on holiday for another week. Yes, one week, two, three.

Well... Turns out, holidaying in a caravan in the Midlands on your own

can get quite lonely and boring.

I came back. Back to you two lazing about.

Lazing about?

Karen, did you say lazy? We are absolutely knackered. We are just

We are?

Yes, with all the work that you gave us. What work?

Um...

Yes, fixing up the derelict property. Yes, it has worked us to the bone.

Really? So you're finished then?

But of course. You see, that's why we're taking a break.

Isn't that right, Frank?

Really? So you're telling me that that property is fully refurbished? The walls

are done? The ceiling fixed? The floorboards replaced? The kitchen

Vermin.

Removed?

No, didn't think so.

And what about the windows? They cleaned? Garden done? Done and dusted.

Well, I believe that when I see it.

Turn this nonsense off.

You know you can't drink in the office.

Get on with it!

Bio! What have you got us into?

Don't worry, Frank.

I have a plan.

A plan!

We'll have to go to the property.

Today, today.

Today, today. And get it refurbished. Me? That's right.

Today, King? Yes, sir.

It was your fault. You wanted to watch the match. I was trying to do some work.

I need to get on with things. I'm so busy. Shut up.

Remember, we are in this together. We are watching the football together.

Remember the spirit of Africa. One Nigeria.

My battle, your battle. Don't worry about it.

I will not let you bring me down.

How can we get all the painters, the cleaners and the plumbers all in there

work in one day?

This is mission impossible.

Then in that case, we will just have to be 007.

Second, not third.

And we'll do it ourselves.

Papayo, I don't even know how to put up myself.

Okay.

I will be 007 and you just be handy frank.

Can that be so hard?

Come on, get on with it. Sharp, sharp.

Yes, Toby.

You're the man. The man who's got a date with Charlene.

Charlene.

Get back and relax.

Oh, my God. What is that? Mail!

There's no food off here.

The thing is empty.

Where is that smell coming from?

It must be coming from the living room.

Toby,

have you got a dead rat in that sofa or something? What is that smell?

Dead rat? Where?

Toby, why are you smelling like a pigsty?

It's dangerous.

Mum, I smell fresh.

Fresh? Call Fresh Snee. You stink.

Stink? I've been using the deodorant you bought me.

It's not the deodorant. It's your B .O. problem, and it's getting worse.

I'm going to have to exhume the whole house before you poison us with your

fumes.

Go and cut it out, and don't come back until you do.

Butter, put me down.

You can't kick me out for sledding. Oh, watch me.

Butter, butter.

You see, Bayo, I told you.

It's impossible.

How can a place be so bad?

And what about the bathroom?

I can never sleep again.

It's going to take weeks to bring that place up to scratch.

We just have to make Karen forget about the hotel.

Yes. And how can we do that?

If she sees that place, we will be fired.

No job, no money, no home. She's going to make us squat in that hellhole.

Frank,

why are you wearing a toilet seat?

I had Tony's special sandwich. You can't be too careful.

No, it's a fly in the office.

It's a mosquito.

Oh, this place is a madhouse.

Fio, you said that property was finished, right?

Yes, yes.

Right, I'm going to use that to judge both of your annual performance reviews.

See if I can't flush you both down the sewers.

Flush you down the sewers, Amy.

Okay, but give us some days, months, years. No.

Bio, you said it was ready. So we're going to do it today.

Huh?

Today? Yeah, today.

I can see all of that hard work you've been getting up to.

Oh, and clean yourselves up. You're a right mess.

Mess, eh, me?

Hey, me buyer, come back here. I will show you men. I will message you.

Yes.

Buyer.

Good.

Well, let's keep it that way, shall we?

Ah, the 90s and 80s. Those were the days.

Ah, tell me about it, son.

I was skinny back then. Right there, down ahead, a lady's at my feet.

I was a rock star.

Tony the Turbo, they used to call me.

I was fast and unpredictable.

And now you're Tony the Snail. Slow and lifeless.

Cheers for that.

Well, I'm going to do something about it.

This is the year I thought myself out. Tony the Turbo is making a comeback.

I'm going to shift some weights.

Live footloose and fancy free, just like I was 25 again. I might even try and

grow that hair back. Well, I tell you what, Tone, this might be your lucky

I do think I might just have something for you. Really?

Well, you know me.

Fix it by name, fix it by nature.

Oh, no!

Oh, I'm not running!

Hey, fix it.

High five!

How about a low zero? You don't half stink!

It's just a little B .O. problem.

Nothing a little de toilet won't fix.

Toby, you smell like a toilet. My son, you need some serious work. However, I

might just have something for you.

Please, anything.

Save us.

That would be great.

I've been trying to sort it out for days now.

I mean, my mum has chucked me out. And to make things worse, I got a date with

Charlene tonight.

Mr Fix -It, you better live up to your name.

Say no more.

Smell no more.

You know me. I can fix it. Fix it by name.

Fix it by nature.

I tell you what.

Toby, you see this, my friend?

No air.

No smell.

This will do absolute wonders for you and your date tonight.

Thanks, Mr Fishby. I think you should try it first.

Yes!

at your own risk.

Apparently. Whatever.

I got to look sweet for my date, Charlene.

Okay, let's try it in here.

Ooh!

Okay.

Okay.

Might as well just go for it.

Ooh.

Smells better already.

Hope Charlene is ready for me.

Because I'm ready for her.

Charlene?

Come in, Karin, into the newly refurbished property.

I told you I have it all under control.

It's OK, OK, OK. Now, let's go. Whoa!

Teddy bio.

Is there a problem?

Yeah, I need to do my inspection.

Um, who did you get to paint this place?

The usual people.

And did you allow them to paint it this hideous colour?

Hideous? This is good African interior design. Yeah, well, I don't want it

African. I want it white.

Huh? Don't take that the wrong way.

I thought I would add some colour to spice it up, you know.

What are you doing over there?

I thought I would get a good view of the room.

No viewpoint will ever make this place look any better.

It's like going back in time. I mean, look at the awful furniture.

Awful? Karen, my furniture is stylish.

Your furniture?

Oh, I mean the previous tenants.

It must have taken five minutes in and out of a charity shop getting all this

lot. It's disgusting.

And what's that smell?

Toby. What, Bunny? Oh, nothing. Karen, let's just leave this newly republished

posh property.

Yeah, all right. Well, I suppose the walls are still standing and it's warm,

that's an improvement.

Does that mean I pass?

Yep.

However, there is one problem.

There is?

Yes, this place is supposed to be unfurnished. You didn't get rid of all

furniture? Ah, don't worry, Karen. I have it under control. It's all right,

I've got the removal men here.

Terry, Clyde! Huh? Get in here.

Get rid of all this lot, will you? And don't worry, nothing needs to stay.

No, no, no, Karen, Karen.

I have it under control. It needs to stay. Please, I can handle this.

It's all right.

You've ruined me, and I'm meant to be on this date tonight.

Hold up. From where I am, you smell so much better.

Better? What are you talking about?

Fix it. You were supposed to make my hair grow back.

Yeah, hold up, Toad. Of course, I sold your hair growth, didn't I? Well, you

clearly didn't. It's falling out.

Look, I've got an afro under my arms. More hair than the Jackson 5.

Sade asked me to cut it off and use it for her weave.

Toby?

Charlene, it's not my usual look. Oh, my gosh, you look like a gorilla. That is

disgusting.

Such a turn -off. Charlene, wait, wait.

Now, calm down, Tobe.

You know me.

I know I can fix it. Big mistake.

You know me, Stone.

Fix it by name.

Fix it by nature.

Oh, my God.

Dad, where's all our stuff?

Toby, calm down.

Have we been robbed?

Ole! Ole!

Not quite, not quite.

Oh, the babies.

What bill did you pay this time? No, no, no, son.

I've just made a slight error, but don't worry, I will fix it. Look, just make

sure that your mother doesn't come home, OK?

And how the hell do I do that?

I don't know. Think of something.

Sharp, sharp.

But...

Please, Mr. Finchley, I know all about your boiler. I've made notes, but we are

very busy today, and we also have a performance review inspection.

Everybody is tied up. We'll try and do it tomorrow.

Please, bear with us. We will be with you.

Hello?

Hello?

Hey, Bayo, Bayo, I'm very impressed.

Despite all your shenanigans... Hey, we have passed the performance review.

Hey, I'm going to celebrate.

Celebrate? That review cost me all my belongings and maybe my marriage.

What are you talking about?

Karen ordered the removal men to clear out the whole property.

Everything. Even my TV.

The only thing they didn't take is me.

Well, they only take the stuff that is worth selling.

I have to get all my stuff back before my wife gets back or else I am a dead

walking. Frank, where did they take all your wanted furniture?

They throw it in the temps. Hey!

No, I'm joking. They put it in the skips.

Joking? You are joking? You think this is funny?

This is not trash. This is my stuff we are talking about, Frank.

What am I going to do? Now that I think of it, Karen was talking about an

auction.

Auction? You mean they are going to sell it?

My stuff is going to be sold?

Bio, what are we going to do? Frank, we don't have much time.

We will have to buy my stuff back.

Bye.

Remember, backbone, one spirit, one Africa. My battle, your battle.

Bayo.

Child maintenance, alimony, bank charges.

Okay, Frank, I will buy my stuff, sir. Feeding, council tax.

Frankie, I've heard you.

I will buy my stuff back.

You, you buy the stuff?

Yes. You don't have much money, Bayo. How are you going to do that?

I don't have much choice, do I?

Why don't you just stand there like Mumu? Let's go. Come on.

backbone one nigeria one spirit sharp sharp let's go

I can't believe you dragged me all around the spot shop, and you didn't

anything. Hello, my sweet potato. Welcome to your beautiful... Mom, I just

to have a look.

Okay, it's all right. It's not too bad.

You wasted my time.

Okay, what have you done?

Something is up.

Ah, gladi. What makes you think that?

Because you're acting rather strange, and why have you moved the plant?

Huh? Did I?

Um, feng shui.

And whose is this?

Is it not ours?

Of course not. I've never seen it before in my life.

It's mine.

Yours? Yeah, Mum.

You know how much I love elephants.

You do? He does.

Why do you think they call him the Elephant Man? Mum!

Mum!

Take it upstairs to my room if you don't like it.

Ah, Gladys, you see, everything is fine.

Hiya.

Something is up. Don't be silly.

I know it. No, my point.

I can tell.

How? Because you do not have an armchair. It's not?

But they all look so similar.

Bayo, you're such a calamity.

What have you done? Speak up now.

I can explain.

One take guys, one take.

The

viewing,

scene nine, slate two, take three, pick up. It's so distracting.

He does.

Chop -chop! Let's go!