Original subtitles

Hey, Gladys.

Look at this head.

Look at this.

This great politician's son booted back to Nigeria.

What did he do?

Drunken and disorderly behavior.

Can you imagine? And the boy actually went to Sade's university.

It happened on her campus.

You worry too much.

Her daughter is not like that.

It's not Sade I'm worried about.

It's all that bad influence.

Oh, thank God that she's living with us here at home. Because if she's on the

campus, only God knows what will happen.

But you don't have to worry. Shadi will be safe here with us.

Hi, family.

Oh, hello, Shadi. How are you, my darling?

My baby.

I have some great news.

Oh, tell us, tell us. I went to uni and I had a look around some of the

accommodations.

And I kind of liked it.

So, I'm moving in.

What? What?

Shadi, I thought that we discussed this.

You said you'd be staying at home and looking after me.

Looking after your parents.

Dad, I'll tell you a lot of things, but this place was available, so I'm moving

in. When?

Today. Today?

Today.

Ah, any?

Any.

Shadi, this doesn't make any sense at all. At all. Where are you getting this

money for this accommodation?

Mum, don't worry.

It's called student loan. It takes care of all of that.

Why get a student loan when you can live with us for free? No loan required. I

mean, we're just 30 minutes away from the university.

Mum, that's 30 minutes too far.

That's two buses and one train ride away.

I mean, I just want to wake up and fall into class.

Kelly, zip it.

As the head of this house, I am forbidding you to leave this house.

I'll start living on the university with all those bad, bad, bad people. As long

as you're under this roof. That's the point, Dad.

I'm not going to be under this roof.

So, technically, you can't tell me what to do. Hey, help me.

If Dad moved everybody to Nigeria three years ago, this would not have happened.

You have spoiled her.

Mum, Dad.

I'm out.

Shadi? Shadi, where are you going? I'm still talking to you. Shadi!

That's it.

Nobody listens to me.

Nobody respects me.

Can you imagine?

My own daughter living in my house without my authority, without my

Bayo, what are you saying?

Oh, you see? Point proven. No respect.

Bayo, maybe this thing is for the best.

You will allow her to be a grown woman and take more responsibility.

Grown woman?

Gladys, she's my baby.

Okay.

Don't worry.

I have a plan.

Plan?

When am I going to find someone to write a song for, eh?

Roll up, roll up, this is your lucky day.

Some people would spend a fortune trying to buy this aftershave, but today I'm

here to sell it to you.

Fix it, no one's here.

Now, why doesn't that surprise me? Here, Tone, would you be interested? No!

Hold up, Tone, give me a chance. Let me pitch it to you first.

No, thanks. Every time I buy something of yours, I either lose something or

broken. Tony, I am offended.

Look at that radio I sold you.

State of the art.

Top class.

Don't do refunds. See?

I'm done buying stuff from you.

See, you can take your dodgy spray.

Things are bad enough as it is without me smelling like a swamp.

No one's going to help my love life. Ah, that's where you're wrong, Tony.

One spray of this, and the ladies won't be able to stay away from you.

They won't be able to keep away, all right? Away from running. On your bike,

it. There comes Tony. I'm now in a relationship.

Because she's either imaginary, who can't smell, or she's mental. Or all of

above. No, no, no, Tony. No, I met her online.

Online dating?

Yeah, yeah.

I found this website.

Perfect success rate.

100 %?

Well, can you sign me up?

Oh, I don't know about that, Tony.

Why, what would you want in return?

Tone, I've been trying to ship these aftershaves all day, but I can't seem to

sell them. Well, that's hard to believe.

All right, but you've got to get me a date.

That's no problem, Tone. I tell you what, I'm not just Mr Fix -It.

I'm Mr Cupid.

Isn't that my old friend?

I know the first.

The famous drummer.

Hey, hey, hey.

Performing for the new president.

And you're the first of Malama.

Who much money? Who much money?

OK,

these are all my books. I'll come back for my clothes later.

I'm going to need a lift, Dad.

Dad,

can you help me carry my books?

I'll take the books.

Whoops.

Dad, what's the big deal?

Dad, I need your help. Sade, quiet your noise.

Well, don't ignore me then. Will I be there to help you when you are at uni?

Dad,

it's just a lift. Just a lift.

Will you have a chauffeur when you are at uni? Or does it come with the

accommodation? No, no, no, Sade. If you want a lift, go to Beckham High Street.

Get number 136 bus.

How am I supposed to carry all of this on the bus?

Oh, Sade, I'm not here.

Dad, all I needed is a little bit of help. You're just sitting there watching

Nollywood. I'm trying to start my new life and you're being an enemy of

progress.

Enemy of progress.

Ah, okay. Let me tell you something, my dear. Life is not fair, especially at

university.

But if you decide to stay at home, things will remain as comfortable as

were.

Abishi? Mom.

Dad is being so annoying.

Mom, I need some new clothes for Friday's week.

Can I make money, please? Shadi, no.

Use your student loan.

But that's for the rent.

Then, Shadi, you need to cut out your finances now that you have your own

Please, Mom. It's just a few pounds. No, Shadi. You need to learn that you

cannot have money always on tap.

If you want some new clothes.

Take some of these.

What's this?

Some of my old clothes. I was going to give them to a charity shop.

Charity?

Well, unless there's going to be some sort of 80s night.

I don't think I'll be seen dead in this.

Your luck.

This is so ridiculous.

You see, Gladys? It's working.

I feel a bit bad.

Bad? Gladly.

This is about our daughter staying at home.

And this is only just the beginning.

You sure about this, Fix -It? Yeah.

Helen, this laptop's absolutely useless.

Who sold it to you? Who do you think?

Oh, it's working perfectly now.

See? Says you've got an email there.

Open it up, let's see.

Blimey, she's gorgeous.

Said she was a date tonight.

What did I tell you, Tom?

See what I mean? She's gagging for it. This is brilliant.

Tony, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I'm a little bit late.

Since when did little mean three hours?

Did I miss anything?

Look, you should be lucky that I am here.

See, I had a headache after the party last night.

Serious migraine.

But because I love my job, I came in.

You're still getting half your pay.

Tony, why now?

Ah, fungi.

I didn't realise that you still work in here.

Look, Fixit, don't make my headache worse.

To you, I'm Mr Cupid.

Mr Cupid, that name suits you.

OK, Fixit has helped me put an online profile.

I've got a date tonight.

Yeah, talk to the witch phone.

Since I helped you out, I want you to help me out. Now come with me and help

sell these perfumes.

Fair enough.

Fonke, I need you to look after the cafe for an hour while I help fix it. Oh,

and I'll need you to stay late tonight for my date.

Are you going to pay me extra?

I already told you, I'm docking your pay.

Why are you docking my pay? What do you want? Why should you dock my pay?

That's my pay for work.

You want me to work extra and you dock my pay?

You want a date? Ha!

You will see.

Amen?

What happened? Have we been robbed?

This place is a mess.

It's not that bad.

Not that bad?

It's disgusting. I mean, look.

I just chugged on a diseased banana peel.

Yeah, that was my snack from earlier.

Any more left?

It's mine.

She's going to go ballistic. Shardy, listen.

You need to get used to this. This is what uni life is like.

Shut up, Jo.

You need to get used to a hoover and clean this mess up. Yeah, well, I'm

to be taking your room and I'm going to be decorating it this weekend.

Is this the remote control?

Duh. Mum and Dad are going to kill you.

Hey, student freshers.

Welcome to the Adebanjo student household.

Give me a high five.

Is this really happening?

Oh, yes.

Tommy, it's freshers party time.

Put on some fresher tunes.

Hurry.

Ladies and gentlemen, Sam and DTW Chief. Tommy,

join in.

Dad, I'm all right.

No, I...

For goodness sake! I just want some peace and quiet when I come back from

Peace and quiet.

Peace and quiet. Peace and quiet!

Oh, Sade, you are a student now. No more peace and quiet again.

Oh, I'm going to my room.

Why are the pages missing from my textbook?

Oh, yeah, about that. Well, I ran out of toilet paper, so...

But the party Funk

I

had our look

You look like Tony.

Is that good or bad?

Do you really want to know?

Don't play any of that stuff.

It smells like dog's breath.

Probably why Fixit is giving it away.

Light the candles.

Funke, get this place in the right mood.

And a nice bit of music, yeah?

And you'd better smile, Funke.

And no interfering.

I will.

You must be Tony.

Yeah, Kelly, right?

Welcome to my palace.

Take a seat.

Thank you.

You smell lovely, by the way.

Really?

Bio, so you are sure she got the message?

Off. Of course, Gladdy. There's no way she would want to live like that at uni.

My baby girl is staying with us.

Shadi?

Shadi? Where are you going?

I'm leaving.

So you mean you haven't changed your mind?

Do you really think I would have changed my mind?

I thought about it.

Considered it. But you made my mind up for me.

You guys are crazy.

Huh? Shadi, come back here right now. Who are you going to get crazy?

I don't know how many times I will tell you, I am the authority of this house.

We are not leaving. No, no, no, no, no. I am in charge.

Bye.

Shadi.

Shadi.

She's gone. She's gone. She's gone.

A little girl has left.

What a lovely meal.

I've had a lovely time.

So have I.

Really? Of course.

I'm shocked that you're a fool.

Well, maybe I won't be for long, eh?

Thanks.

Thanks, Uncle.

I'm fine, Funko. I'm stuffed.

That you are.

Can I tell you something, Tony?

I can see us being together for the rest... of our lives.

Really?

One moment. Hold that for me.

I'm sorry, the cafe's closed.

Oh, I'm here for the date.

With who?

Tony.

I'm Tony.

Oh. Bit different from your profile picture, but... So what's the plan?

Sorry, I'm confused. What are you talking about?

You set up the date for tonight.

At what time?

About four.

I was selling off the table. Fix it, then.

Tony, are you OK?

One moment.

Tony,

I've had a lovely meal.

Why don't we leave and finish off this wonderful evening together?

I'd love to.

Who's that?

Don't worry, that's nobody. What were you saying again?

I'm not nobody. I'm his date.

No, I'm his date.

about to get married.

Married? You didn't say you were engaged on your profile.

I'm not.

Yet. Well then, why don't you just leave me and Tony alone?

I was here first.

Why don't you leave us alone?

You're joking. You can't just poke me like that. You can't just barge in on a

perfect, absolute... Two women fighting over me. I could get used to this.

Tony, why don't you tell her? Set the record straight.

What is going on?

It wasn't me. It was Funke.

Oh, come on, Tony. My love.

My husband.

So, there's another woman. Oh, not another.

The main woman.

His wife.

Oh, come on, Tony. Don't tell me sugar.

So, you are married.

Why are you doing this? This has got to stop.

Oh, you can't deny our love. Unbelievable.

So, you married your waitress.

I knew you can't trust men.

They're all the same. Girls, please!

Can we go to the pub? Yeah, why not?

Go, go!

Why have you done this?

What's wrong with you?

You see what happens when you mess with Funke's money?

Gladly.

Our first night without our baby girl.

It's not going to be easy.

You will have to look after me.

At least we can spend some more quality time.

Shadi, I thought you were leaving home.

Leaving, Cor? I'm staying.

I've had the worst night of my life.

You should see the thing I had to share a room with.

This sweaty, smelly, horrible, horrible woman.

And we had a bunk bed. And she was on the top bunk.

How dangerous is that? I could have been squashed.

And she kept farting.

The smell.

Do you know what that would do for my reputation?

I couldn't sleep.

And when I did drop off...

I swear I thought a rat ran across the room.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I've moved out.

I mean, Dad, you might have been mean, but at least you don't have four legs.

I'm traumatised.

Oh, my baby girl is back. It's been so long.

Daddy, I thought you were this big, strong, independent woman.

Mum, she was shaving her hairy legs on my bed.

Look, Potato, are you not happy our daughter is back home safe?

Of course I'm happy, but I didn't like the way she left so abruptly.

Well, I'm back now.

Everything's back to normal.

Mum, I've got some laundry for you. Dad, I'm going to need a lift tomorrow.

Now all I need is a decent meal.

Yes, Shadi.

You're right, everything is back to normal.

Shadi? Life is unfair.

Sugar.

The bath.

I can't carry the bath.

Carry the bath.

You want to carry the bath?

Carry the bath if you want.

Student loan.

Why'd you take us to that moon?

It's fine.

I mean... Shadi?

Sorry, have we missed something?

No, we haven't. We're on the road. Just keep going. Your next line is yours. No,

we missed something.

Me? Yeah, it was you.

Oh, shit!

Oh, my God! You jumped it. Oh, my God!

Please, Mum.

Just a few pounds.

No, Shadi.

You need to know when...

That's a Will Smith song, yeah? When he was a French prince.

French prince.

Then how comes Poe aren't in a relationship?

Because she's either... Did I miss any... Did I miss anything?

See, we should be... Lucky.

We should.

Look, fix it. Don't make my headache worse.

It's Mr...

God, what's the word? Cupid.

No,

no, no, no, no. It's Mr.

Cupid. Cupid.

It's the students to teach me.

Me too.

I'm running the Hollywood movie marathon.

Shadi, come back.

Sorry, I forgot.

Freshers!

Come on.

Pressure time.

Hey!

Luby, don't get too used to this.

Cut. Cut.