Original subtitles

Dad. Brilliant news.

Spit it out, son. I managed to make it to the Crystal Palace football trials.

All the big scouts are going to be there from the premiership.

But this is amazing.

Amazing.

My son, Toby Adebanjo, the footballer. No, no, no.

He dribbles one.

He dribbles another.

One -on -one with the keeper.

In the top corner of the goal, Iboza.

Adebanjo.

Adebanjo.

Is all this commotion?

It's my boy, my son.

You mean our son.

Mom, I've been selected for the Crystal Palace football trials. Ah, thank you,

Lord. Ah, I'm so proud of you, son. Something told me you get it. Are you

Move over. We'll ruin it. Ronaldo.

Toby Adebanjo is in town.

Yeah! I declare prosperity at these trials.

Yeah! I'm going to show them my skills this Sunday.

Yeah!

I don't think you understand.

I've been selected from over 10 ,000 footballers. I have to go.

Out of 10 ,000, he has to go.

This is the London Family Prayer Crusade, which this family needs to

Mum, these are the big football trials.

Yes, Gladys, the big football trial.

Bayo, how can you say yes when we've already agreed that this family needs

prayer, this family needs blessing, this family needs deliverance. This family

needs money.

see money.

What about being a doctor or a lawyer? Not this football.

When 99 .9 % of the boys don't even make it. But my boy will be that 0 .1%.

Yeah! Imagine how much money I'll be making when I become a footballer. Yeah!

Yeah!

The Alpha and the Omega will understand.

Maybe even in the Bible it says that the Lord says you must go to tribulations

and triumph.

Why is it the only time you know how to quote scripture is when it comes to

football?

Toby, my dear, you just have to reschedule. Eh?

Reschedule what?

There's no such thing as rescheduling.

This kind of thing only happens once a year.

No, that's the end of it.

Women.

Dad, I can't miss these trials.

No, son, you cannot miss those trials.

Do you know how much footballers make?

Minimum 100K per week.

And those are the only ones sitting on the bench.

Really? They earn that much? And their agent earns 10%. Agent? But I don't have

an agent. You do now. Me.

My son, I came to this country to make my mark.

You will now take over the battle.

Don't worry, my son. I will talk to your mother and you will be going to those

trials on Sunday.

Mark my words!

Check me out!

Yes!

Blended!

Fantastic!

Now, all I need is tight leggings to show my contour.

to impress anybody.

We're going there for revival.

Oh, yes, ma 'am.

Oh, I need revival in my love life.

Mom, auntie, guess what?

I don't tell you until you have trials.

Trials? No.

I've got a job.

Wait,

don't, wait, don't, wait, don't.

Shanti!

Now, welcome to the world of working. So, yeah. you working?

New look.

New look? Wow!

Wow! Yes!

I can't wait to start looking new!

Now, when does the staff discount kick in?

I need a new dress! Oh, look, someone has to go to church in silence.

Aunty, I don't think they have anything in your style.

They usually have things for 16 to 35 -year -olds. So what are you, nonsense

you talking? You know I'm 35.

Aunty, you've been 35 for the last 10 years.

Talk in your lips.

You, this young girl.

You think you can outdo me? No way.

So when do you start?

This Sunday.

Sunday? You told them you couldn't walk, right?

No, why would I do that?

Because the whole family is going to Wembley Arena.

Oh, my God, are we going to go see Tiny Temper?

It's not about that jaga -jaga music. We are going for the annual family

convention.

Why? Because this family needs deliverance.

Mum, this is work. I can't miss it.

Besides, all I do with those crusade thingies is play on my phone and fall

asleep. My friend, it's not up for discussion.

You better call them and reschedule. You are coming to this family convention.

Mum, this is so not fair.

Why do you always do this to me?

All these girls talk nowadays, eh?

Sade! Sade!

Do I still get to touch this crown?

My sweet potato, eh?

Gladys, have I told you today how beautiful you are looking?

Like Naomi Campbell, eh?

Reading the Bible.

Such a virtuous wife.

Such a god. Can I not compliment my wife? When's the last time you

me? Last week.

Last month.

Last year.

You can't even remember.

Well, this is a serious matter.

You know, Toby, he's not that applied.

He doesn't show much determination.

But for this football thing, he has shown so much commitment.

And I think it is our duty as parents to support him.

So you want to support him.

Don't you remember Antetola's son?

That stupid boy, always wandering around with his head in the clouds.

Didn't he too want to kick ball around?

Where is he now?

All I see him doing is kicking his feet to the job centre.

My Toby will not be like him. No, no, no, no, no. My son will be like Beckham.

Even better than Beckham.

Messy. He will be like Pele.

The truth of the matter is this.

You have a better chance of winning the lottery than playing in the Premier

League. But to be special.

Bayo. Huh? If you're going to be a responsible father, why don't you push

into his studies and not push him into playing football?

What type of example are you leading for him?

So the answer is... No.

everyone trying to get out of Sunday?

I don't know. They haven't got any commitments at all.

Well, as for me, nothing is going to separate me from serving the Lord this

Sunday.

Hello?

Tony?

Oh, hello.

You want to speak to Auntie Funke?

Okay, hold on.

I'm just going to get it for you.

Hello? Tony.

Emergency?

What favor?

You want me to work on Sunday?

No way.

Look, I'm going to a special church service.

Yes, at Webley Arena.

Yes.

I'm sorry, I can't.

I can't.

You say what?

Triple! Antifunke!

No, wait, no, no. I'm sorry, I can't.

Toby, you've got your kit, yeah? Yeah, of course, bruv. Got your trainers?

Yeah, of course, bruv. Got your new business cards for your new agent?

Yeah, of course, bruv. Huh?

Agent? Yeah, man!

I'm your new agent now, so I've got to look after you, innit? Kevin, he only

one agent here.

That's me.

Okay, but please, make sure you look after me when you get to the top, yeah?

Yeah, of course, man.

Bros for life. Bros for life, man. Bros for life.

No.

Dad, did you mention to speak to Mum?

Not quite, son, not quite. But I'm still working on her.

Dad, why don't you tell her we're going?

Yeah, Bayo.

Kevin, who's Bayo? Am I your mate? I mean, Uncle Bayo.

Aren't you the man of this house, though? Doesn't she have to listen to

say? You, this small boy, you don't know anything.

You think it's easy to control women in London?

In this country, women are not just growing wings. They are now aeroplane.

What do you mean?

They have rights.

Ah, they can divorce you anyhow.

They will make you leave the house you are paying for. They will even make you

sleep on the floor in your own parlor.

That's good for your back, though. Tell me, shut up when I'm talking.

These things will never ever happen back in Nigeria.

So then, what are we going to do, Dad? You have to use finesse. And I'm still

fine tuning my strategy.

This is a job for a man with exceptional IQ and intelligence to make a plan.

Like you.

Like me? No, like me.

Yes, I've got a plan that just might work.

Oh my gosh, Monica, new look.

I can't believe it.

But mum wants me to go to this church service.

I'm gonna go.

I'm just gonna sneak out 10 minutes into the service.

Yeah.

I mean, I have to go to work, right?

I have to make the money.

Hi, Mum.

How much of that did you hear?

Not much.

Just the part where you said you were going to sneak out from the church

service.

Mum, I don't want to go to the service. I want to go to work.

Shadi, you will be at the service.

All of the service. Even if I have to chain you to my seats myself.

Please hurry up. I don't want us to be late.

Yes, old gladi.

We need to get to the front so that I can count out those fresh bubbles.

Wait, Toby.

Toby!

Shadi, can you please go and fetch your brother? I hope he hasn't over -slept. I

don't want us to be late.

Not in his room and his football kit's gone too.

What? You mean that boy had the effrontery to deceive us when I told him

can't go to the football?

Gladdy, you see, this is the problem with Kim these days.

That's not true. I couldn't go to my job today because of this annoying service.

Buddy, can you just watch your mouth?

I cannot believe this boy.

Bayo, this is all your fault. Encouraging him to go and play ball

showing him the importance of church. Gladdy, you are right. It's my fault. I

accept responsibility.

Don't worry, Gladdy. I will go and find him from that football, bring him back

to the service so we can all receive our blessings.

Now, kickoff should be 1 .30.

What was that? Oh, no, I said praise be to God Almighty.

So what do we do now?

Don't worry.

Let me go and find him and bring him back in time. That silly boy.

This is terrible. You need to be at this service. I know. I'm so frustrated that

he's making me miss out on the Lord's blessing.

You know what, Gaddy?

It's a family event.

Let me go and look for the boy, and you and Bayo can stay together.

No need to be so helpful. I have this under control.

I see.

Please, just this.

Stay and let me go.

It is no trouble.

This is family, and you are family, and we all need prayer, so please just mind

your business and stay.

Why are you acting rather strange?

No, darling, I'm just concerned about Toby. Let me go and find him.

What a wonderful feather.

The pastor was on fire. I felt it in my bones.

Well, my back is still stiff from all the jumping and shouting hallelujah.

But I guess the service is kind of all right.

Shadi, were you paying attention?

Of course I was. To all those guys.

Did you see the lead choir boy?

Don't you ever let me hear you say that word.

Until after you finish your master's degree.

Actually, after your second master's degree.

And did you pray for our blessings?

Of course, Mum. I pray for a new job.

Let's hope God delivers a better one than before.

Welcome to Aunty Funke.

She left midway during the service.

Something about helping Dad find Toby?

Hello?

This is C.

Oh my gosh, that would be amazing.

Yes, I'll be there tomorrow.

Thank you so much.

Okay. Thank you.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Mum, that was Zara.

They called me to come for an interview tomorrow.

Oh my god, this is so amazing.

This is much more me.

You know, sophisticated.

He can always deliver.

What happened to the... Everyone else?

Oh.

You alright, Auntie?

Yo, my beautiful Nubian princess. Shut up, Kevin.

We already think you're an idiot.

You don't have to continue talking to prove it.

Is Toby and Mr. Eddie Banjo back from football yet?

Football?

Did I say football?

Fuck's sake.

Yeah, I... I am in retard mode. I meant to say... Church.

What do you know?

Nothing.

Mum, he knows something.

Start talking.

I'm not a snitch.

There's no way you two are going to get me talking and grasping him up.

You're not a snitch, eh?

Where's she gone?

Where are they? Where did they go?

Kevin?

Auntie?

Kevin, if you ever want to eat in this house again, start talking.

Okay. Okay, I'll talk. I'll talk.

Things I'd do for Jell -O rice, man.

I'm going to leave, Dad and Toby, after everything I've given up for this.

Naya, where have you been?

Gladie, I have been walking all over London for six hours looking for this

disobedient boy. You don't know how annoyed I am that he made me miss the

service.

And after all of that, he didn't even pass the first round.

Dad, that wasn't even my fault. You saw what happened.

It was just a bad day. Eh, bad day? Look, he was so rubbish, they had to

him a kit assistant cleaner role.

Glorified laundry man.

Look, I didn't say what the trial was specifically for.

I was going to work my way up. To what?

Head boy cleaner?

Bloody,

you were right.

Focus on your studies.

No mouth would bow from you. What?

That wasn't part of the plan. Shut up talking about the plan.

So, Toby, you decided to defy me and go to this trial.

Yes, you defied us, your parents.

This kind of action deserves discipline.

Bloody serious discipline.

Shut up.

But before you discipline him, can I have some of my jollof rice?

If it's jollof rice you want, jollof rice you will get. Oh, baby.

Kevin!

Kevin.

Kevin, what did you tell me about Bayo's plan to go to the trials with Toby?

Can't win?

What? They pried me with food.

And it tastes good.

Bayo, I can't believe, after all we discussed, you decided to conspire

me with the boys. Bloody, I don't know what came over me.

I should have listened to you.

Hey, Bayo.

Definitely not man of the house, man.

More like mouse of the house.

Yeah, mom.

Dad was the one that convinced me to go into the trials. Toby, shut up your

mouth before I shut it for you permanently.

Gladdy, look.

Bayo, don't even try it.

I can't believe you conspired against me.

And what about poor Antifunke walking the streets of London looking for Toby?

I've been searching all over.

Oh, Toby, there you are.

I'm so glad.

I've been walking from zone one to six, looking for you, man.

Walking from zone one to six, looking for Toby indeed, with your cafe

uniform.

disappointed me.

Can I believe anything you say