Original subtitles

Toby, you know it's your dad's special birthday surprise this weekend.

Yeah, Mum. So I need you to focus and concentrate so we can make it a big

Toby, are you listening?

Yeah, Mum.

Toby, you're not listening.

Yeah, Mum. Toby, concentrate!

Mum, for the 15th time, I know to take Dad to Tony's and bring him back at 8 o

'clock for the surprise.

Are you sure he's not going to figure out our plan?

This is your dad we're talking about. He won't figure out anything.

Just tell him it's free food.

Put everything away.

Hi,

Dad. Hello, my darling.

Something is going on here. Why is everyone so happy to see me?

Nothing is going on. Can't we just appreciate the man of the house? Well,

something smells fishy.

Aha!

So you guys thought you could hide another surprise birthday party from me,

Toby, silly boy. I told you to hide the decorations.

Sure they didn't charge the decorations.

Shut up, Toby.

Well, well, calm down, guys. This year I'm not going to have a birthday party.

Yes. This year, I am going to do something extraordinary and elaborate.

What is it?

This year, I'm going to play golf.

Golf?

Golf. What do you know about golf?

Dad, do you even know how to play golf?

Yeah, this will be like all the other times. You took things up and you never

followed them through.

What didn't I follow through? Tell me. Tell me.

What about the time you set up the neighbourhood watch meetings and you

go to a single one? How can I cancel my work to attend neighbourhood meetings?

Are they paying me?

Dad, remember the time you signed up to be a referee for the church's youth

football match?

How can you expect a man of my age to be running up and down the football pitch,

chasing you young people in that cold? That's nonsense.

What about your Ph .D.? Oh, gladi.

Must you always be a messenger of the past, eh? I know that one day I will

surely be there.

And you will be calling me Dr.

Bayo.

P -H -D -M -A.

As Obama says.

Where there is great men, there is great opposition.

It's because of that Obama book you've been reading all month. That's why you

want to start playing golf. Of course.

Chapter 8 of the book says that Obama started his campaign on the golf course

due to the wealthy individuals he met there.

And God knows I need my own financial backing.

Golf is for rich people.

You can't afford it. You can't even afford the hats they wear. Or the tea

drink. You don't know your father.

You don't know your father.

I'm very rich.

Very rich.

Rich with what? Because we ain't talking about money. My friend, shut up. Stop

talking nonsense.

Okay, Dad.

But really, how are you going to afford it?

Well, I have been saving these coupons from the Metro newspaper.

And for one day only.

They're offering a one -day course at the prestigious Windsor Club, where the

royals play.

Oh, my God, we're going to play golf with the royal family.

Oh, my God, I'm going to get to meet Prince Harry.

That's the ginger one, right?

The one that went to Vegas?

Shut up.

Talking about me, not you.

Let's all go. Let's make it a family day out. Oh, no, Gladys, this is a special

offer. I only have one ticket.

Nikki, it's been ages since we last spoke at Unilag. I know.

We used to have such a good time on campus.

But, Tunke, it's weird how I never remember you graduating.

Of course I did.

It was the class of 1980.

What year?

See, please, see.

I'm choking. Are you okay?

Yes.

Enough about me now.

I hear you're doing very well for yourself.

MD of a bank.

Yes. Master's in business and economics.

Don't forget the master's in archaeology.

And I hear you have found yourself a very successful, big, rich lawyer.

He's not just any lawyer. He is the lawyer to the former governor of Lagos

State. Ah, man, well done, man.

Well done.

Give me five, man.

But, Funke, I hear through the grapevine that you are staying

here with the Adebanjos.

Living here?

With the Adebanjos?

No.

I'm just staying here till my luxury penthouse in Chelsea is being renovated.

A little bit cramped, but we must manage.

And what are you doing for work? Are you still catering for weddings?

Nicky.

Look, I'll have you know that I own my own establishment of high delicacies

around London.

That's amazing.

Yes. It is.

And your marriage settle?

Look, I'm too busy for that.

When you run a chain of restaurants, you don't have time. I have no time.

Okay. You must let me come down to one of your establishments before I fly out.

No. We are very busy.

This is not even the right time of the year. Nonsense.

It definitely makes sense.

I know.

We are very busy. We don't have time for visitors.

Okay. It's a restaurant.

We are closed.

Isn't that us?

We can have a nice meal with just the two of us. No, no. I always like to eat

exclusively myself.

No.

Look, I will take you somewhere else. I insist.

I will come down to your place this weekend and that's that.

No, Pastor Michael.

There will be no jollof rice.

No gizzard.

No puff puff.

Yes, I'm sure it's definitely been cancelled.

Why don't you understand? It's cancelled. That means there's no food.

What is wrong with everyone today?

That's the sixth person I've had to inform.

I didn't realise your dad was so popular.

Mum, dad ain't popular.

Your food is popular.

My sweet potato. Check me out.

The new, improved,

and distinguished Lord of the Manor, a .k .a. Bayo.

Dad,

you're looking on point.

Hold on. Dad, is that a designer top?

You know your father has to dress to match with the aristocrat.

Oh, check out these golf clubs.

They're thick. Only the latest and the best.

Dad, you left the tag on.

400 pounds for a golf club.

And £150 for a hat.

Bayo, when you told me to cancel your birthday party, I accepted.

But for you to spend all this money, money we don't have, on clubs and one

shirt. This is madness. I can't accept it.

Gladdy, you know me better than that.

Why do you think the tags are still on?

I'll just wear them for one day and return them.

Bayo, you're such a calamity.

Happy birthday, Bayo.

Are you sure you don't want me to cook something for you?

Gladie, for the twelfth time I've told you I'm going to Windsor.

By the time I get back, it will be too late for any celebrations.

So let me pack some pounded jam, a goosey soup with crayfish and broccolato

you can share with your friends in Windsor.

Gladie, are you trying to embarrass me?

This is the Royal Windsor Club.

Where Prince Harry and William are nibbling on crumpets and tea.

You want me to go there and open my container stinking of fish and stew and

broccotto? So when you are licking your fingers at home, you don't have a

problem with fish stew, but now it is stinking.

I know, but this is the royal way, sir. With the royals.

You want me to go there and start advertising to everybody that I am a

Nigerian man?

You have really lost your mind. In fact, I should come there with you. I'll show

them what real good food tastes like. You see, Gladys, this is why I'm telling

you to stay at home.

You want to embarrass me.

You just don't fit into this type of class.

Me, embarrass you?

Never lie, lie.

Bayo, all this golf madness has gone straight to your head, which has made

think you're better than everyone else.

But, Gladys, I'm just trying to make a point.

Points call, points need. And with that attitude, this is the last time you'll

be tasting my food. And when you come back from Windsor tonight, you'll be

sleeping on this couch alone, by yourself. So no beddy celebration.

Hello?

Yes, this is Bayo Adebanjo, a .k .a. Bayo Woods.

Yes, just calling to let you know that I'm on my way to Windsor. Yes, I will be

there shortly.

What do you mean there is a problem with my applications?

You are not taking residents from the Peckham area? What is wrong with

The people from Peckham do not fit into the esteem of your club?

What rubbish, my friend.

Let me speak to your manager.

Put your...

You are the manager.

Okay, let me speak to your CEO.

Yes, your CEO.

Hello? Hello?

Hello?

No, man, Tony. Tell Funky to make me some of that pepper soup me like.

I'll be back to pick it up later.

No problem, Brett. We ain't anything you want.

Respect, Tony. You're the big man.

Respect.

What's happening, Funke? Have you got another job as a manager?

Oh, no, Tony.

Big boss.

Big boss, big boss.

I really need a very big favour from you.

What do you want, an advance on your paycheck?

No.

A month off to visit your family in Nigeria?

No. I know what it is. You want to use the cash for your side catering

Maybe, but not this time.

Look.

I need you to upgrade me to the CEO of this cafe.

Immediately. What do you mean CEO?

Are you mad?

Look,

a friend of mine is coming in from Nigeria.

I may have told her that I'm the owner of this cafe.

You're making me laugh.

Why would you say such a silly thing?

Look, in Nigerian culture, it's all about status.

Look, she's a big -time banker in Lagos.

How can I tell her that I'm a cooking assistant or kitchen assistant?

No, I can't.

I'm sorry, Funky. I can't help you out. You're on your own on this one.

Please, Tony, you have to help me.

Absolutely not. No way, Funky.

go off sick or be suffering from depression when she disgraces me.

Oh, no, please.

You have to help me, Tony.

Look, I'll do anything.

Ah. Anything?

Anything. Oh, so you're coming on Saturday to do extra hours?

Yes. You'll open the cafe on Sunday?

Yes, sure.

No, no time.

You know how long it takes to look fine like this.

Look.

I'll cook you your favourite meat for a month.

And deliver it to my door?

Yes.

One day, eh?

All right, for one day only. And make sure that my steak pie is done exactly

I want it.

You got it.

Thank you, Tony.

Now, in light of the recent development,

I think I will do this.

Ah, Gladie.

Gladie.

Gladie. In light of what you have said, I am willing to forfeit my prestigious

golf trip.

Spend some time with you and the family.

Don't even try it.

I heard you shouting earlier.

It seems as if you are not good enough to fit into the golf club yourself.

Well, I just want to spend some time with my beautiful wife. Don't even try

me, Bayo. I am going to my own prayer group with my own friends who are not

fake, who appreciate me for who I am.

But, Gladys, it's my birthday today.

Well, I am leaving you alone.

To think about the choices you have made. With no birthday celebration.

Gladys?

Oh, Funke.

What a charming little establishment, eh? We are trying, you know.

That is my sandwich servant.

She means head waiter.

Oh, don't mind it. He talks too much. Too much drama.

Look, go and make some sandwiches.

Pronto. Quick.

Go on. What a lovely decor. It reminds me of a place me and Wale went to when

were in Italy.

I go to Italy?

Ah. Oh, yes. For inspiration.

Really? Where do you stay?

Somewhere near Eiffel Tower.

but isn't that enough forget about that one come and sit down i

will give you some of our special delicacies tony the olives

You make my pepper soup for me?

Funke, my favorite cook in the world.

Cook? My face? Shut up! Who is your cook?

You are cranny and right now my belly rumbling.

Did you get me cooked pepper soup yet?

How about you get to the kitchen?

Hey, sister.

I'll see you in a minute. Excuse me.

How dare you talk to me, the CEO of this establishment like that?

Just get out, you.

What's wrong with you? You can't talk to Levi like that. He's one of our most

regular customers.

As the CEO of this cafe, I can do as I please.

Now you get back to work, but from your boss.

How can you question your boss like that?

I love it when a woman takes charge.

Oh, yes, of course, now.

Ah, Bayo, how are you? And happy birthday.

Thank you, Jerry.

At least somebody remembered.

Happy birthday to me.

Oh, happy birthday to me.

Happy birthday to me, me.

Happy birthday to me.

Bayo, what are you doing here? I thought you'd be playing golf with the Royals

at Windsor. So did I.

Glad you told me she had a big surprise planned. I was even going to bake a

cake. Tony, I messed up.

I messed up.

Just to fit in with those posh, pompous people at Windsor. I disregarded my

whole family.

Now look at me. All alone in a cafe when I could be eating jollof rice, fresh

fish, enjoying at home.

Tony!

Will you stop the talking and give us some more Ultimals?

Tony.

What's wrong with this woman?

Bayo, don't worry about it, mate.

Tony!

Service, please!

I know she's big, but she's getting a bit too big for her boots. Bayo, you

understand. It's actually... No, no, no, no. I understand everything.

Tony, I will not allow you to be disrespected anymore.

Funke?

Funke?

If you love yourself, please.

And you love your job. Show your boss, Tony, some more respect. I mean, who do

you think you are?

Bio.

Believe.

But out.

Excuse me. You cannot talk to the CEO of this establishment like this. Show some

respect.

Sandwich boy, Joe. Kick him out.

CEO?

Sandwich boy?

Respect?

Respect yourself.

So you have been lying that you are the CEO of this cafe when you are just a

waitress.

Come on, waitress. Ah, a waitress?

Funke, why did you make up all of these stories?

Yes, Funke. Oya, explain.

I had to.

When a big girl like you coming from Nigeria with your big banking job,

Your lawyer husband, who was working with the former governor of Likor State.

Wait, wait, wait.

Isn't that lawyer Ashego?

Yes, he is.

Isn't he bankrupt?

I was reading the Nigerian watch that he lost all his fortune on a big deal on

the stock market. Thank you, Mr. Loudspeaker.

D .K., what is this?

Nothing. Just some small issues.

Small issues?

Big issues.

He lost his business, his home, his... Okay, okay.

Okay, I may have stretched the truth a little myself.

Things are not so rosy in Lagos.

What do you mean?

Bayo, disappear.

Well, since my husband squandered our finances on that dodgy deal, I was so

desperate for work.

So my bank job in Lagos is maybe not so much a bank manager,

maybe a bank clerk.

Bank clerk?

A common bank clerk.

And my husband's job with the governor ended five years ago. Until then, he has

been unemployed.

We are still believing and praying to God that he will give him some work.

Wow!

I can't believe it. In Nigeria, impression is everything.

We are right there, sister.

We have to fake it to make it.

Bloody? Yes?

yeah definitely hmm okay i will do that all right

okay okay bye bye

why

are the lights switched off i hope i pay this electricity bill

We did it all for you. Oh, my potato.

You did this for me?

Oh, lovely.

I'm sorry for everything I said. I have come to realize that family is the most

important thing. And being yourself.

And on a day like this, I cannot think of more important people to celebrate my

birthday with.

And I've also got a surprise for you. My favorite musician, Ayong Bifan!

Ayong Bifan!