Original subtitles

[plaintive music]

[moaning]

-Jimmy? Honey, I'm home.

Jimmy? Jimmy?

Honey.

-Oh, I can't help it, I'm cumming.

[moaning]

[dramatic music]

-Pretty penny, you don't understand.

-Oh, Jimmy, how could you?

How could you?

-Please, Farina, calm down.

-Oh, and I was really ready to quit and settle down.

Quit Molly. -Farina, you're cute, baby,

but you just don't get what it takes for -- -What?

[moaning]

[sultry jazz guitar music]

-Happy anniversary, you bastard.

-Are you a model?

-Oh, yes, and an actress.

I was real good in drama and Ijust know I can make it.

-I'II bet you can too.

I think you've really got what it takes.

I bet you're a real angel.

Come and see me when you get settled, okay?

-Okay, thanks.

-Keep smiling, angel.

-Okay, Charlie.

Wee.

Oh.

-Hi. I'm Farina Madison.

You told me to stop by.

-Hello, angel.

Sit down.

You definitely got what it takes,

angeL

but we're going to need a lot of work.

-I'm ready, Charlie.

-We're going to need new clothes, new makeup.

We're going to have to do something with your hair

and from now on, your name is going to be Formal Faucett—Minor.

-Formal Faucett—Minor.

I'm excited already.

-Well, hold on.

There's a lot of other things we've got to work on.

-Other things?

I don't understand.

-Come with me.

I'm going to ShOW you one of my other angels in action.

-What we're looking for is someone who can model lingerie and stockings.

It's important that we get the right look.

-Well, I'm sure I can handle that.

[moody music]

-There's other girls that I have to see.

Really, we have to get this right.

[moaning]

Oh, you're hired.

Oh.

-Wow.

Wow.

[phone ringing]

-Hello?

-Here, Charlie.

-Hi, Angel. It's Charlie.

I've got your first interview set up.

-Oh, that's wonderful, Charlie, when and where?

-It's a house on the hills, Angel.

2111 Hilltop Lane

at 11:00 AM.

The product is Ballzack Shampoo.

Got it?

Good luck, angel,

and keep smiling.

-Oh, Ballzack Shampoo makes my hair shine,

shine, shine.

-You know something?

I've got a really good feeling about this lady.

Yes.

-WOMV.

-Yes. WOMV.

The place where everyone comes from.

The hottest licking radio station in the whole universe.

Hey, baby, don't touch that dial, because here comes Mona

with the inside scoop on Tinsel Land.

Take it away, Mona.

-Thanks, Dick.

John Bank reopened his London restaurant from the ashes, three weeks

after a major fire, and gave one of the biggest faces

that trendy Mayfair crowd

that eats Chinese chow every chance it gets

had almost ever seen.

Five hundred freeloaded is shoved in and 2,500 bottles of wine

were poured down throats,

and no one had to have his jaws pried open, either.

Mrs. Bang,

dean of the trendies,

was all done up in a velvet, ostrich trim dress.

Sandra Hoes was caught admiring it out of the corner of her eye,

the sly puss.

Mary, the Duchess of Sanford, dropped a drink on Laura Honeycut's foot

and was heard to exclaim, "Isn't this fun?"

Mary does have a way with words.

Pop star Shiloh's punk hair style, a bright, red crew cut designed

for her by her husband, of all people, captures everyone's attention.

If she intended to go unnoticed, red was definitely not the right color.

Superwoman Diane Wagner,

super estranged from her actor husband, John Humphrey,

is finding consolation with Ray Wayne, one of the handsome hunks

from the hit movie, Laundry Room.

The TV movie Search for Affection will be made by that angel, Sheila Jensen,

who will be a busy girl during her time off.

She plans to do "Search" as well as another TV movie.

Charlie Andrews' angels all seem to be doing so well.

I wonder why.

Not all the good jobs are taken, girls, so don't despair.

Walla is still looking for a lovely to be the Ballzack Shampoo girl

and Jerry Klein is frantically searching for a sweet thing to be the Sweet, Sweet,

Strawberry Douche girl.

Better hurry, girls,

before Charlie sends his angel to capture these juicy plums.

Oh, while I'm on the subject of Charlie Andrews

and Juicy Plums...

John Sutton, associate producer of the new TV series, Pink Squad,

has just signed two of the three female leads,

who just happen to be represented by guess who?

Charlie's Angels really are little devils, aren't they?

This is Mona from Tinseltown, saying, "bye-bye."

-Formal Faucett-Minor?

“Lei?“

-Hi.

[waltzing piano music]

[moaning]

[phone ringing]

Hello.

-I'm really proud of you, honey.

Ballzack people just called

and you're their new choice as the Ballzack Beauty.

That's my angel.

Congratulations, baby.

You must have really impressed them.

They sounded so positive.

I know there are a lot of submissions for that one.

Yes.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

Shooting's tomorrow, angel.

Call me when you finish there, okay?

I've got some more go-sees for you in that part of town.

Now, get some rest for the shooting, my girl.

I want you to look really fresh.

The Ballzack Beauty, that's really something

for your first job.

Really, really something.

Good work, baby.

Hey, angel,

keep smiling.

[moody music]

-This lady's got magic.

She's going to go all the way.

[moody music cont]

-That's wonderful, Charlie.

Thanks so much.

Thanks so much, Charlie.

I'll call you.

[moody music]

[moaning] That's so good.

[moaning] Suck it.

[moaning]

Good. That's so good.

Now, come up here.

Send that lovely cock.

[moaning]

-Oh, yeah. [groaning]

[moaning]

[heavy breathing]

-Oh, yeah.

-All right, now.

This is the last shot of the day.

We're going to get it right and we're going to hurry up.

We're not going to stand here all day.

Everybody, get ready.

Who's talking?

You know how I can't stand any talking on my set.

Cut that out.

Sound?

Sound, would you get ready?

Come on, get that camera over here.

We've only got minutes left to get this thing done.

Okay, girl.

Just do it right for me one time.

That's all.

Everybody, standby.

Action.

-Mary, you look so sad.

[whispers]

-Oh, it's Bam.

Oh, Jean, we used to be so close.

Now, he won't even come near me.

-I think I know what the problem is.

I went through the same thing.

-Really? What did you do?

-I switched to a Sweet, Sweet Strawberry Douche.

Now, everybody wants to get close to me.

-Do you think that would work for me?

-Mary, believe me.

Sweet, Sweet Strawberry Douche and the whole world will want

to get next to you.

-Oh, thank you, Jean.

I'm so glad you're my friend.

-Sweet, Sweet Strawberry Douche,

the only friend a girl really needs.

-Cut. Oh, great.

Beautiful, girls. Beautiful.

That's great.

I got time to get to my hair appointment.

Thanks a lot, girls.

-That was fantastic.

I'm so excited.

-To tell you the truth,

I get horny every shoot I'm on.

-Let's get the director.

-I don't think he likes girls.

-Well, let's teach him.

-Right on.

-What are you doing? What are you doing?

-Quit crying like a baby.

Shutup. -Give me those glasses back.

I can't see.

What are you doing? -You'll love it.

-Stop this. Stop this immediately.

Hey. Help.

Help. -Quit your fighting.

-Hey, give me some of that rope.

-I've never been with a woman before.

I'm dead serious.

-Oh, boy.

-Let me go. Come on.

Stop it.

-Hey, just shut up. -Help.

-Just shut up. -Hey.

[groaning]

[laughing]

-We got him now.

-Yeah.

[groaning]

-Shh, just shut up.

[moaning]

-Sweet, Sweet Strawberry Douche.

The only friend a girl ever needs.

Oh, oh.

[traffic humming]

-All right, Angel,

this is it.

The big one.

Yes.

This is the opportunity we've really been waiting for,

a series.

I've got a man really interested in you for the lead in a TV detective show.

This is really it, Angel,

the big break.

Now,

I'm going to have you meet the executive producer tonight.

You've got to get through this man, Angel.

I want you all dolled up and ready for action at 4:30 sharp.

He's sending a limousine for you.

Just be ready for anything.

Show him your stuff and really charm him.

Okay?

[chuckling] Yes.

Well, you're doing fine so far.

You've got two big commercials on the board.

Huh?

This is really it.

If you get this one, you're on your way.

Huh?

Okay, Angel.

Oh, I will, I will.

Oh, that's beautiful.

Huh?

[laughing]

-Yeah, huh?

Oh, I don't have to tell you anything.

I think you know exactly what to do.

Right, Angel?

I'll call you in the morning.

Is that okay?

You're going to be a big star, sweetheart.

Yes.

[laughing]

Piece of cake.

Okay.

Don't forget, this one is really important.

I'll call you in the morning.

Bye, Angel.

[moaning]

-That's my angels.

Oh, that's my angels.

[moaning]

-Oh, yeah. Very nice.

Very, very nice.

[moody music]

-Oh.

That's my angels.

-Thank you.

Thank you.

-Freeze.

I've got you covered.

Don't move.

I'II blast you.

[laughing]

-You're being considered for the featured lead

in a new series, called the Pink Squad.

The girls who make up this special team

are exposed to dangers of all sorts.

All sorts.

Through their ingenuity and their talents,

all their talents, they vanquish all criminal challenges put to them.

-You don't have to worry about me, sir.

I'm a very ingenious and talented girl.

-Show me.

-Ah, thank you, Ms. Minor.

That'll be all for now.

You will be hearing from us.

-I don't care how dangerous it is, Chief.

They're lice and I won't rest until they're put in the Slammer.

[phone ringing]

-Hello?

-Ms. Minor, this is John Sutton.

I'm the associate producer of The Pink Squad.

I would like to lock in my cast.

Would it be possible to see you tonight?

-Absolutely.

Where do I go? -6969 TV Road.

-Got it. Thank you.

I'll be right there.

-Watch out, world.

Here comes Formal Faucett-Minor.

-I'm Formal Faucett-Minor.

Mr. Sutton is expecting me.

-Please, wait here.

I'll be right back.

-Is Mr. Sutton going to see me?

-Oh, don't worry, child.

Mr. Sutton will definitely see you.

Why don't we just sit over here and you can tell me a little bit

about yourself.

-Well, I got here about six months ago.

I had to hitch from Texas.

Fortunately, Charlie Andrews picked me up right outside ofAmarillo.

Since I've been one of his angels,

the whole world has been opening up for me.

I've been the Ballzack Beauty, the Sweet, Sweet Strawberry Douche girl.

Isn't Mr. Sutton going to --

[moaning]

-Is it over? -No, it's only just begun.

I think you're going to be a very valuable asset

to the production company.

[moaning]

[plaintive piano music]

-I want us all to give a big congratulations to my new angel.

1, 2, 3. Congratulations.

-I'm so happy for you.

[laughing]

Ooh.

[indistinct chatter]

[moody music]

-Let's party.

[indistinct whispers]

[indistinct whispers]

[moaning]

-Oh, I made it big.

Fuck you, Jimmy.

[moaning]

[laughing]