All language subtitles for secret_world_of_alex_mack_s04e17_without_feathers

I'm Al Smith.

I was just an average kid until an
accident changed my life.

And since then, nothing's been the same.

My best friend Ray thinks it's cool.

My sister Annie thinks I'm a science
project.

I can't let anyone else know.

Not even my parents.

I know the chemical plant was to find me
and turn me into some experiment.

But you know something?

I guess I'm not so average anymore.

So little is known about Maine.

You know, it's actually my favorite
state. Over 90 % of it is covered with

forest. Can you believe that?

And the entire population is barely a
million.

Think about that.

Maine is as populated as 12 Paradise
Valleys.

Now here's the weird part.

Fishing is a major industry, exporting
over 20 million pounds of fish products

year, which by my calculations is
roughly 190 pounds of fish for every

woman, and child in the state.

Hey, look, there's Jen and Christy.

Yeah. And why don't you go on over
there? Go and work some of the Driscoll

magic.

Yeah, right.

No, come on, I'm serious.

Alex, allow me to inform you of
something.

There are two types of people in this
world.

One group who find happiness and romance
in high school, like you guys. And

another group, like me, who prefer to
focus on our careers during high school

and even college.

I'm not getting married till I'm in my
mid -thirties, so I don't even plan on

thinking about girls until sometime in
the next decade.

Lewis. Sorry.

Oh,

jeez. Look at that.

She's the day, Lewis.

All right.

Here goes nothing.

Hey, ladies, how's it going?

Care for a third?

You know, frisbee is kind of my thing.

Look.

I've hit the big time.

No more newspaper routes, no more mowing
lines, no more blisters, no more sweat.

Where are you, you dirty son of a gun?

They say I can make 20 to 25 bucks a
night in tips.

My chicken.

And guess what I get to wear?

A tuxedo.

A tuxedo.

I start my training today.

Peter, I found it.

I knew it was up here somewhere.

Now, Raymond, I would think the folks at
Maurice's would want you to have some

sort of restaurant experience.

Yeah, well, I kind of told them that I
worked over at the Chowder Palace.

The Chowder Palace. Well, I remember
that. Good chowder.

Too bad it burned down.

Exactly. What they don't know won't hurt
them.

I'm just a pepper guy. How tough can it
be?

Good luck.

Thanks, Mr. Mack.

I really feel sorry for Lewis.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I
do.

Has he ever had a girlfriend?

No. I mean, look at what happened today.
He has no confidence.

And other than hanging out with me and
Ray, he really has no life.

Well, at least we know more about the
great state of Maine.

Who could we set him up with?

You don't want to do that, Alex.

It's 4 .58. I've got to be home at 5.

You're not going to be late.

We think about how much fun we have.
Wouldn't that be great for Lewis, too?

I know.

What about Lisa Greenman?

Let's worry about Driscoll's love life
tomorrow. I gotta be home.

Come here.

Hold on.

Raymond Alvarado, this is it.

This is it.

A nice hunk of wood.

Is that a dial master?

May I?

I used the Dearborn XL50, but I modified
it.

Dual port pepper hole.

Who are you?

Kenneth. Kenneth Dahl.

Kenny, fine. Not Ken.

I'm the pepper steward here.

I mean, we have other responsibilities.

We make salads. We make sure that the
bus stations are stocked. But basically,

slinging pepper is our game.

I'll be showing you the ropes.

Ropes? What ropes?

It's just pepper.

Yeah.

Right? Well, I don't know what you guys
did down at the chowder palace, but

here we take it pretty seriously,
Raymond.

Just pepper.

So let me get this straight.

You and Alex want to go on a double date
with me and a girl.

Yeah, something like that.

Are you nuts?

It's no big deal. Look, Alex said she'd
even do the asking for you. You know how

it is. If another girl sets you up,
sometimes it can make things easier.

Hunter, let me tell you a little story.

Back in the sixth grade, I asked a girl
named Rochelle Friedman out to the

movies.

It was fun.

She ended up sitting four rows in front
of me, but overall it was a pleasant

evening.

That right there is the full extent of
my dating experience.

Well, let's just say, in theory, we were
going to go ahead with this.

Who would I, you know, who would the
girl be?

How about Jenny Knoblauch? She's cute.

No, I'm not into the ponytail.

It's the 90s, man.

I'm saying it's cool.

Yeah, if you like watching paint dry.

No, I need a combination of beauty and
attitude.

Brains I'm not picky about.

Okay.

Angela's nice. I know she's getting a D
in geometry.

Hmm.

Hmm. I don't think so.

Lewis, come on. It's just a dinner. Be
realistic. You said it yourself.

You haven't been out since the sixth
grade.

Can't you think of anyone?

Bingo.

Hannah Mercury?

Excuse me, madam.

Care for some freshly ground pepper?

It's imported by the G .E. Williams
Company, Boston, Mass.

That's quite all right.

No offense taken.

You say potato, I say potato.

Uh, sir.

My name is Kenny, and should you require
anything further, or should you change

your mind, I'll be in the pepper
station.

What? Well, my grinder was set for
coarse grinding.

I probably should have gone with the
medium.

Yeah, the fried medium.

I gotta hand it to you guys. I was a
little nervous at first, but now the

has come to take what's mine.

I've been reading those women's
magazines, and they say the one thing a

values most in a man is a sense of
humor.

Hello, Louis Driscoll.

Yeah, but isn't Hannah going out with
Ethan Miller from Pittsburgh Gardens?

Aha! Trouble in paradise.

They broke up.

And I'm not above getting Hannah on the
rebound.

Yeah, but, Lewis, as a friend, Hannah's
like the most popular girl in our

school. I mean, she's beautiful, she's
smart, she's funny.

And you're... What?

Never mind. I guess I could talk to her
for you.

Now, whatever you do, don't tell her
I've never had a girlfriend before.

Okay. Tell her that I'm excellent at
pole vaulting. You know, if she asks.

All the unmilled product goes into this
airtight container here.

And I like to label it with this ink
pen.

Date it.

So that I can rotate my stock.

Got it?

Got it.

All right, now Raymond.

This is my own special blend.

It's tart.

Kind of playful.

And someday, Ray, you may have your own
special blend.

Yeah, right.

Hey, mister.

I don't like that attitude.

Let's be serious here, all right?

Yes. All right.

Do you have any other questions?

No.

Now remember, Ray, you're soloing here
Saturday night.

She forgot to mention that I plan to
join the Coast Guard.

Don't worry, Alex can handle it. Don't
worry, I'm incredibly worried. She's not

mentioning any of the stuff I told her.

Trust me, it's not like a date date.

Well, I haven't been out in almost two
weeks.

You know, me and Ethan broke up about
two weeks ago.

Yeah, I heard.

But this would just be, you know, for
fun.

Louis Driscoll.

What's he like? I mean, I know him, but
I've never thought of him as, like,

going out.

Well, he's nice.

He's a little shy around girls.

And he's, um, very knowledgeable.

Knowledgeable. How sexy.

She could have dinner with a set of
encyclopedias.

The Coast Guard. Why couldn't she have
mentioned any of these other facts about

me? Pole vaulting. I'm bilingual.

You're bilingual?

Si, senor.

Luce. What?

She's a very nice girl.

Yeah, yeah. Did you ask her about Friday
night?

Mm -hmm. She's busy. I knew it. Why
couldn't you mention any of the stuff I

you? The Coast Guard. Women love the
Coast Guard. And I have every intention

joining it someday. I'm not finished.

She'd love to go out Saturday.

Yes!

Thank you.

No, things are already getting way out
of hand.

Louis called me this morning at 8 o
'clock wanting to know if he looks good

leather.

Yeah, I don't know. He said he could get
some great deal on these leather pants,

but he needed to know right away.

Oh, and you know what else?

What? Louis is planning on using his
birthday money to take us to Maurice's

tonight. You got a little on my arm.

Really? Yeah.

You are working tonight, aren't you?

Yeah. Hey, Ray. How's the new job
working out?

Good.

Maurice's. Honey, we've never been to
Maurice's.

What's the ambiance like?

Well, I don't know, Mrs. Mack. They
don't let me eat the food.

What?

I know it's embarrassing, but I've
decided to, uh, have it with you. Hey!

I mean, uh, hey, uh... Um, do you want a
pepper on that stuff? I mean,

do you want me to put pepper on it?

Oh, okay, okay.

Really? Yeah.

Ow! Hey!

Excuse me, you just hit me in...

The head with the pepper, Mel.

It's my first day. I'm sorry.

Pepper.

It's a...

Hey, that's great.

Thanks. Yeah, sorry about the hair
thing.

16, 17, 18, 19, 20.

Lewis, Hannah shouldn't be here for
another five minutes. She could probably

some sit -ups in, too.

Don't encourage him.

I think we should all just relax and try
to have a nice time.

Actually, I've got exactly enough time
to get in some current events.

Don't want the conversation to lag.

By the way, I really want to thank you
guys for everything you've done here.

It really means a lot.

I'll get the door.

Oh, wait.

Wait. I'm not ready.

Okay. Oh, wait.

Okay. Wait.

Okay.

I hear the food is the best. Yeah, me
too.

You look great.

Man, I am starved. I haven't eaten all
day.

Lewis! Anna's here.

Hey, Lewis.

He's a little nervous.

Tis but a starry night before us, but we
shall reacquaint thy meal and drink of

thy nectar.

I lied on my application.

I never worked at the charter palace.

I delivered newspapers.

That is rich.

Well, it's just that I've been telling
things being this fancy.

Raymond,

you could go back to your paper route.

It'd be fine.

But I feel like I should tell you, you
have what it takes to be a first -rate

pepper slinger.

Nah.

But you're going to have to trust me.

All right?

All right.

Mister, you're under arrest.

Me? What are you talking about?

That's right.

We've been watching you ever since you
got out of the slum.

What's he talking about?

I'm not sure.

So then Clint Matthews turns to
Inspector Dunhill and says, That's the

my life, buddy boy.

Man, that was a great movie.

Story of my life, buddy boy.

Lewis, what movie are you talking about?

The Chariots of Autumn.

It's a classic.

Oh, I guess I never heard of it.

I'm afraid I haven't either.

Huntmeister?

Whatever. It's rentable. How about a
little sleight of hand?

What? You know, magic.

Um, no, I don't think so. Does everyone
know what they're getting? The chicken

could be yummy.

Hannah, what's that in your ear?

Uh -huh.

Wow, Lewis, that's great.

It's for you.

Um, would you excuse me? I think I need
to get some push here.

Adios.

For now.

What? Don't you think you're coming on a
little strong?

No. No, I don't think so at all.

In fact, I think she's warming up to me.

You just watch.

I think she might try and put some moves
on me later on.

Timing is everything.

Right?

Remember, we hover, we hover, but then,
when there's an obvious

lull in the conversation, make your
move.

Got it?

Yeah, but what if they never stop
talking? You're the man with the lumber.

Trust me, there will be a low.

Now get out there, Ray.

There's a deuce in the corner that's in
need of your services.

I can't believe how good this was.

Yeah, thanks, Lewis.

I haven't had lobster since I visited my
grandparents in Maine.

Ah, Maine.

Also known as the land of many forests.

Really? Well, fishing is Maine's number
one industry.

Huh. I did not know that.

Well, I know lots of silly things about
Maine.

Hey, Ray. Hey, guys.

Oh, hey.

You're doing a great job. Nice cut.

Thanks. Um, Hannah, there's a gentleman
by the name of Ethan Miller in the

reception area waiting for you.

I'm really sorry, you guys.

What's he doing here? She said they
broke up.

Sure, it's no big deal.

What are you doing?

When she gets back, if she gets back,
tell her me when's the 16th dated minute

to the union.

Night, Skip.

All right, guys.

So, you sure you're calling it quits?

Yeah.

I'm not cut out for this world.

I mean, the tuxedo, the pepper.

It's just not me.

I can see that.

More Reese's is not for everybody.

Can I ask you a question?

Sure.

Well, when I first met you, I didn't
know what or... I

know what you're going to say.

Well... No, I know. People have said it
before. I'm a strange human being.

I know that.

But let me tell you why.

See, most people, they don't care about
what they do.

They don't have any pride in their work.
But I'm not like that.

I don't care if I was mowing lawns or
swinging pepper or being an auto

I work every table like that's what I'm
going to be remembered for for the rest

of my life.

That's my art.

If that makes me different from other
people or if that makes me strange, then

so be it.

Now, how about that special blend?

Okay. Special blend.

I feel so bad, you guys. I had no idea
that Ethan was going to show up.

He gets really jealous.

It's okay. Don't worry about it.

It's my fault.

Well, I guess I'll see you guys Monday.

Bye. Bye.

Bye.

You know, in third grade, Marty Claycorn
threw up in my arm in recess.

Yeah? And until now, that was one of the
worst experiences of my life, but

tonight ranks right up there.

What a disaster.

Well, as bad as you feel, Lewis feels
worse.

I'm gonna get something to eat.

I just hope he, like, survives.

So keep in mind, the hand is quicker
than the eye.

Voila! Huh?

So, uh, I'll be needing all your
telephone numbers.

Hey. Hey.

What's up with Lewis?

I don't know. I think we did it, Alex.

Did what?

The board got out that Lewis went out
with Hannah.

Now he's a big man on campus.

Ha!

Wow.

Who knew?