Original subtitles

I'm Al Smith.

I was just an average kid until an accident changed my life.

And since then, nothing's been the same.

My best friend Ray thinks it's cool.

My sister Annie thinks I'm a science project.

I can't let anyone else know.

Not even my parents.

I know the chemical plant was to find me and turn me into some experiment.

But you know something?

I guess I'm not so average anymore.

Nervous? Hey.

No context.

I was born to play Christian.

He's dashing. He's handsome.

He's me.

Cyrano?

She cast me as Cyrano?

What's wrong with that?

Cyrano's some ugly dweeb with a nose the size of Florida.

Hey, Anna, weren't you going to see if you got Roxanne?

There's no way I got Roxanne. How do you know?

Two words. Hannah Mercury.

Oh yeah.

I almost forgot.

Alex, you've got Captain Hannah's understudy.

Really? Yeah.

She's right there. Why don't you introduce yourself?

To Hannah Mercury?

No way. She doesn't even know I exist.

Come on, Alex. You're her understudy.

Time to bond.

You're right.

Hannah?

Excuse me, Hannah?

Thanks.

Um... I'm Alex Mack, your understudy.

Yeah, I saw your audition.

You were really good.

Oh, well, not compared to you.

And who's this?

Oh, hi.

I'm Ray. I mean, Raymond.

Whichever one's better, Ray or Raymond.

I found my name, Raymond, so it depends.

Anyway, I'm really looking forward to rehearsals. Me too.

But I hate to break this to you, Alex. I've never missed a performance.

Oh, that's okay.

Never? Sorry.

But just in case, I couldn't have asked for a better understudy.

See ya.

Great. I get to do all this work, learn all her lines, and I'll never go on.

Meh.

Forget it, Ray.

I know she's awesome, but she's totally out of your league.

What's with you?

Let's go, Annie. You don't want to be late on your first day.

Yeah, Annie, it's time to test your genius in the real world.

And she gets full school credit.

You two working together on the same research team, this is your dream come

true, isn't it?

Yeah. Ouch!

Stop clowning around, Lewis.

I'm just getting in character.

We'll practice in the mirror and not look behind, all right?

All right, everybody. Now, remember, when do we take the rubber tips off our

swords? Never.

Right. All right. Now, everyone ready?

Advance.

I really think you should just forget

about Hannah Rae.

Why? What'd she say?

Well, she didn't like how nervous and bumbling you were around her.

Bumbling? She said that?

Hey, you know that's not me. She messes me up. I think it's that I liked her so

much. You never told me you liked her.

I still think she's right for you. I mean, she seems a little full of herself

something. Well, she's beautiful, right?

Yeah. And she's smart and talented.

Yeah, but... She's right for me.

Well, her mere presence reduces you to a dork. I understand what makes a

sophisticated woman like Hannah tick.

Ray, I'll coach you.

You know what? Even if you could help him, as soon as he's alone with her,

she'll find out.

Besides, the only person who thinks you're charming is you.

Alex, you're in denial.

Girls love me.

Hey, you really think you could help me out?

Absolutely. Cool. In fact, I've got the perfect idea.

Ray, don't listen to him!

Janelle and Nick, remember my daughter Annie? Hi.

Oh, and you know Gordon Kramer. He'll be your immediate supervisor.

Morning, Scooter.

Uh, maybe you should just call him Gordon while we're at work.

Okay. Well, I'm off to the regional research conference.

Annie, welcome to the team.

This will be your area.

These are the daily reports from our clinical trials on GC -12.

Anything conclusive?

Not yet.

But it is lab policy that we keep meticulous records of each test.

Well, I'm assuming you need me to collate and chronologize your database

copy.

Think you can handle it?

Yes, I think I can handle it.

How's this, Ray?

Hannah. I can no longer hide my admiration for you.

I feel the time has come for us to rendezvous.

Meet me on the lawn next to the bike racks at lunch today.

Until then, ma petit chou.

Ma petit chou? What's that?

It's French, meaning my little cabbage.

Uh -uh. I'm not gonna call her that.

It's an endearment, Alvarado.

Trust me here.

Hey, Al.

You think this is gonna work?

No chance.

Ignore her, Ray.

Alex, you got the envelope, right?

See you after class.

Don't lie is hitting you in such a beautiful way.

Is it?

Yeah, it's like a golden halo around your head. Isn't it nice to dine al

Isn't it nice to dine with al fresco?

With al fresco?

Not with al fresco.

Just al fresco.

I meant, isn't it nice to dine al fresco?

You speak Italian?

I love a man who can speak a foreign language.

Say something else in Italian.

Hmm. Say something else in Italian.

What else can I say in Italian?

I'm all out of time, Ray. Just ask her out for pizza Saturday night.

How about pizza Saturday night?

I would love to.

Good.

All I need is a little harmony.

Theron, oh, I love you.

Don't die.

Stay with me.

Okay, Lewis, I think we're done.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Um, mind if I ask what you like most about Raymond?

He's amazing.

He's totally charming.

He writes me beautiful poems. He speaks Italian.

He packs great picnics.

Oh, how could I be so lucky?

You snagged Hannah Mercury for yourself with my personality.

Yeah, I couldn't have done it without you. You're really great at the pizza

parlor. Thanks.

Let's go.

Thanks.

That's all I get.

Yeah. What else do you want?

Hannah.

Hannah? But what happened to every woman in the Mack family?

Forget them. I'm in love with Hannah.

We've worked together. We've bonded. The oldest story in showbiz.

I've fallen for my leading lady.

And I know she likes me.

Likes you?

Yeah, I'm the one she wants. You know it and I know it.

The only person who doesn't know it is Hannah, but that'll change when I tell

her the truth. But you won't. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't.

Because you're friends?

I'll go back to being his friend as soon as he stops being my girlfriend.

Lewis, how could you do this to me? All's fair in love and war, dude.

En garde.

Chips off.

What happened?

You guys are ridiculous.

Is Hannah Mercury really worth all this?

Yes.

All right, Ray. You want her so badly, she's all yours.

You're on your own with Hannah Mercury.

Fine.

I cross -pollinated two obscure compounds with your GC -12 control

results are fascinating.

Interesting. But I really need you to finish cataloging those reports I gave

you. All done.

And since I finished early, I developed a new system to interface more

efficiently between workstations, so there's not as much overlap.

Really?

Where is everybody else?

Uh, let's see.

Pierdon had a dentist appointment, and Tappan had to pick his daughter up at

school, and McPherson, he had to take a car in. I didn't authorize any of that.

You really shouldn't be here without any backup, Annie.

I pretty much think I have everything under control, and you could even leave

early if you want.

My daughter does have a big soccer game this afternoon I'd love to catch.

Well, that's important.

And since we're ahead in our work, you should go be with your family.

I think I will.

I will see you Monday.

Is Kramer around?

He just stepped out.

Well, where's everybody else?

They just stepped out, too.

Okay, well, when Kramer comes back, tell him I want him to run a complete

diagnostic on GC -27 and have it on my desk by 9 o 'clock tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow? Tomorrow's Saturday.

You are bright, aren't you?

Well, what if he can't get it finished by then?

Then your department head will find his job in serious jeopardy.

You mean you'll blame my father?

With power comes responsibility, young lady.

Post the theater house tonight?

What am I gonna do?

Alex, you gotta help me.

Okay, get over her.

Alex, I'm serious.

So am I. If she doesn't like you for you, then you don't need her. You're a

great guy.

Shows how much you know.

Hey, how come you can't be my behind -the -scenes drama coach?

No way, I wouldn't know what to tell you.

Just come with me.

On your date? Yeah.

Yeah, what am I supposed to do, hide in the bushes?

Why?

Why didn't you ring the doorbell?

Uh... Because this is how a knight calls a lady.

Uh, because anyone can ring a doorbell. And this way it's like you're a lady and

I'm your knight.

Hey, that's so beautiful.

What are you still doing here?

Well, this urgent deadline came up, and Danielle needs a complete diagnostic of

GC27 by first thing in the morning, and everybody went home early.

Everyone? Even Scooter?

That's strange.

Why? I kind of told him that I had everything under control.

Everything? Everything?

Do me a favor, Annie. Go home and tell your mother that I'm going to be working

through the night.

But I can help you.

Don't you think you've already helped me enough today?

Oh, Ray, I know you must love poetry.

Poetry? Yes, heck yes.

Would you compose a poem for me?

Yeah.

Alex, help me.

If our love is true, then the heavens above will shoot a star over our heads.

If our love is true, then the heavens above should have started over our

You are so mysterious sometimes.

So, uh, can I come in now?

After you finish the poem.

Well, that was it.

That was it?

No, of course not.

Oh, for you too.

There's only one thing that would make this moment totally perfect.

What's that?

Would you serenade me in Italian?

Serenade you in Italian?

Um, yeah, just a moment.

Uno momento.

No way, I don't know Italian.

Shooting stars, floating flowers, not this girl.

Let's go, she's not worth it.

No, look, Alex, I'm in deep here now. I can't just leave.

Yes?

Raymond, you're acting a little strange.

Are you okay?

Yeah. Well, no. I guess I'm just not my old Italian self.

Guess not.

You know what? I just remembered I have lines to play tonight, so maybe I better

just see you tomorrow.

Well, okay.

Good night.

Sure I do.

Fettuccine, linguine, vasili, rigatoni.

This isn't my fault.

Yeah, I know it's not your fault, Alex.

It's my fault.

It's not good enough for someone like him.

Okay, if I sit here?

You know, you haven't said much to me this past week.

I just wanted to be a good intern.

Okay, I wanted to be a great intern.

In this case, being a great intern would have meant being a team player.

I've been so hot at team stuff, have I?

On a team, even the best player can't play every position.

I guess I try too hard.

I do that a lot.

Don't you know how proud I am of you already?

Thanks, Mac.

I'm so sorry.

Be careful in the future. I wouldn't want to have to fire my own daughter.

Annie, you're here.

Good evening.

Thank you all for coming to the grand opening of Edmund Rostand's...

Heroic play, Cyrano de Biltrock.

In tonight's performance, due to a freak accident, the role of Roxanne, normally

played by Hannah Mercury, will be played by Alex Mack.

Fine creatures, shine upon us.

Blossom as the flowers of our garden.

Inspire as the soft music heard in slumber.

Beam your enchantment, but do not condemn, I pray.

They are going to pray now.

The bell toll.

Sister! Sister!

Do not go, Roxanne.

I fear that I will leave you before you return.

I've loved one man in my life, and twice I have lost him.

Here lies Cyrano de Bergerac, a lover he who had won no love.

I must go now.

I cannot wait any longer.

Cyrano!

Hey,

congratulations. You did really great. For an understudy?

I wasn't going to say that.

Acting's tough.

It's hard being someone you're not. Tell me about it.

Hey, bet you're glad to take that thing off, huh?

Yeah, whatever.

Guess you're going to go meet up with Hannah now, huh?

Nah, Hannah's history.

Hey, I didn't say anything, I swear.

Hey, it wasn't because of you. It was because of me.

It was a bad match anyway.

Let's just face it.

I've got to be myself.

Yeah, I kind of miss that guy.

Tell him I'll see him at the cast party.

All right. You did a great job.

Thanks.

Sorry about that kiss.

Attempted kiss?

You were supposed to be dead.

Hey, I've got to grab every opportunity.

I got these for my leaving lady.

Wow, they're beautiful.

Hannah's going to love them.

I meant you.

Thanks, but I don't deserve him.

Alex, you were as good as Hannah.

Maybe even better.

Don't lie. I'm no actress.

You're the one who's lying, Mac.

I'll just leave him here.

Hey, Alex, you coming out or what?

Yeah, I'm stuck.