All language subtitles for newhart_s08e19_georgie_and_grace

What are you doing out there, George?

Watching the snow fall.

If it keeps piling up like this, it's
going to engulf the inn.

And we'll be trapped in here.

And we won't have any food.

And we'll start eating each other's
flesh to survive.

George, the basement is full of canned
goods.

Dick, that stuff is loaded with sodium.

George, winter will be over soon. You
just have a mild case of cabin fever.

That's what Shelley Duvall said to Jack
Nicholson in The Shining.

Right before he buried an axe in Scatman
Crother's chest.

Okay, Dick. I made up those five silly
rooms for those five silly guests you're

expecting.

And did you clean up their five silly
bathrooms?

Well, all except the one at the end of
the hall. It has a defective mirror.

Makes me look pouty.

Life's a bitch, and then you die.

Couldn't we just cram these guys into
one room and charge them for five?

You know, maybe you should be the
innkeeper, and I should be the maid.

No, thanks.

People in sedentary jobs tend to get
those repulsive cellulite deposits.

Why do you think I wear slacks?

Did you put mints on their pillows yet?

You just love sucking the lifeblood out
of me, don't you?

Hi, welcome to the Stratford. I'm Dick
Loudon. You must be the party of five.

Are we that obvious?

Well, when you work behind the front
desk, as long as I have you, you know,

develop a keen eye.

and repulsive cellulite deposits.

Boy, Vermont sure is beautiful in the
winter. It turns you into a frozen

That's George Utley. He's our social
director.

We thought after we settle in, we'd like
to grab a bite. Can you suggest a good

restaurant? The Lusty Buccaneer out on
Route 14.

Waitresses wear hot pants and eye
patches.

Doesn't sound like the kind of
restaurant a priest would frequent.

not, but you guys should have a hell of
a time.

You mean you men are all... Are you
guys, the fellow holy

men, here to open a winery?

No, we're on retreat.

Occasionally we're able to get away to
do some self -examination, meditate.

And, God willing, raise a little heck.

All right.

Let's lay some ground rules.

There will be no rough housing in the
rooms.

No all -night beer parties.

And if I find one cigarette burn in the
carpet, Dick, I'll have you booted out

of here. Clear?

Yes, ma 'am.

Dick.

These guys are real loony. I just
thought I'm praying to their pancake.

Deputy, they were saying grace.

Do people still do that?

Yeah, there's still some loonies around
who thank God for their daily bread or

flapjacks.

I wouldn't know.

A vanderkeller never has to pray for
anything.

Excuse me, miss.

Could we trouble you for some more
coffee?

All right.

But forget about the grace. I already
blessed the pot in the kitchen.

Would it be a bother to ask for some
decaf? Yes.

All right.

Here's your decaf.

Dick, isn't it time to tell Stephanie
they're priests?

Joanna, let me enjoy this a little while
longer. I mean, there's so little in my

life that makes me smile.

So, knew what the gas station was right.
You are harboring five eligible

bachelors.

Uh, Miss Gaddard, I don't know how
eligible they are.

Then I guess it's up to me to find out.

Nick, tell her.

Not, not yet.

I'm smiling.

Hello, boys.

Hi.

I'm Prudence Goddard, the town
librarian.

I'm also the unofficial welcome wagon,
so to speak.

Friendly town.

Avert your eyes, John. I've seen her
type before, a hotbed of sin.

What do they call you, fella?

Miss Goddard, we're all men of the
cloth.

And I'm a woman of the sea.

Miss Goddard, I guess our priests.

Oh, this is embarrassing.

Are any of you drifting from the pond?

I see.

Well, I'm sure the church appreciates
the sacrifice you're making.

What a shame.

I was prepared to show you a whole new
kind of heaven.

Morning, George. Sleep well?

When's this winter hell going to end?

I slept well, too, thanks.

George.

If you're not too busy today, we'd love
to have you take us ice fishing.

Well, I was planning to stare at the
fireplace again today.

But heck, I can do that later.

How about it, man? A little ice fishing?
Excellent idea.

Gee, if I'd known we were going fishing,
I would have brought my boots.

Are you saying you could use the... the
shoes of the fisherman?

Oh, Stephanie.

Our guests are going fishing, and
they'll need box lunches.

You know, if you don't learn to do
things for yourselves, no woman will

have you.

You haven't told her about our vocation,
have you?

Not yet.

Does that make me a sinner?

How long has she been working for you?

Seven years.

Then you're serving your own particular
kind of penance.

Are people supposed to read those Bibles
we keep in the nightstand?

No, no, they're just for show.

Well, that's what I thought.

Maybe they're priests on retreat.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Hi, everybody.

Look what we caught.

23 of the scaliest perch ever to be
plucked out of Johnny Cake Pond.

why don't we take these fish into the
kitchen and start cleaning them?

They just came out of the water. How
dirty could they be?

Joanne, it means you have to cut off
their heads, rip out their guts, and

off their skin.

Ew!

Come on, Stephanie, just pretend they're
poorly dressed townspeople.

Thanks for taking George along. This
little outing really, really perked up

spirits. He was indispensable,
especially when it came time to remove

hook from Jasper's bum.

Thomas? say there's something about
Vermont that produces a special breed of

man.

Hi, I'm Larry. This is my brother Daryl,
and this is my other brother Daryl.

Then there's the occasional hybrid.

Rumor has it that Stratford is playing
host to a quintet of ecclesiastics.

If you mean priests, yeah. This is
Father Kent.

How can I help you, Larry?

Hi. We made this pilgrimage to obtain
papal authentication for several of our

holy relics.

The first one being the head of Judas
Iscariot.

The thick eyebrows and fleshy cheeks are
trademark features of the dark apostle.

I hate to disappoint you, Larry, but
this is a coconut.

with a monkey's face carved in it.

We do have another item that's bound to
catch your ecumenical eye.

The Trout of Turin.

The Trout of Turin? My brother Darrell
befriended this particular trout while

were touring the Canadian provinces.

He became so attached to it that he kept
it under his pillow.

I'm afraid of...

Fish staying on a pillowcase doesn't
qualify as a holy relic.

Well, Daryl, it appears as if our sacred
sack is sacred no more.

Come, let us part the waters of Johnny
Cake Bog and seek solace in that ancient

ark.

Excuse me, I feel a sudden need to go
upstairs and pray to St. Jude, the...

patron saint of hopeless causes.

Well, it sounds like you had a good day,
George. Oh, you bet. I never knew

priests were supposed to have fun.

Father John told this dilly of a joke
about a wayward Lutheran who went to

farmer's house. George, George, I know
the joke, but it was a wayward Baptist.

Baptist?

That's even funnier.

George,

I guess you're over, you know, your
winter blots.

Oh, it wasn't just the winter, Dick. I
was depressed because there wasn't any

meaning in my life. But that all changed
this afternoon.

Dick, I've decided to become a priest.

Just because a priest tells you a dilly
of a story, you're ready to sign up?

This isn't the first time I've
considered the priesthood.

When I was an altar boy at St.
Michael's, I was a hot prospect.

Then one Sunday, I dropped a 50 -pound
Bible on Father McNee's toe.

He couldn't genuflect for a month.

George, don't you think maybe you're a
little old

to be starting over?

Dick, what's age got to do with it?

From now on, I'll be answering to a
divine boss.

You know, I always thought of myself as
a...

Kind of divine boss.

Don't delude yourself. You're as mortal
as they come.

Greetings, master of the house.

Where is your minor spouser?

She's in der kitchen.

Now she's in der Lobby.

Guten Abend, my little schnitzel.
Michael, why are you talking fake

Here, Dick started it.

Dish not.

Oh, the pew, Steph. What stinks?

Me. I had to clean a ton of perch for
some fishermen staying here.

Oh, my malodorous muffin.

You were bullied by a band of barnacle
barbarians? Yes.

Were they cute?

Hey, Dick.

You want to watch going my way?

I've decided to model myself after Bing
Crosby.

He was a good priest and a heck of a
crooner.

Well, I hope they teach crooning at the
seminary, George.

Hello, George.

Hi.

Any reason for you to be here?

Well, uh... Let's see, I own the inn.

I live here.

No, none whatsoever.

So, George, is it true you're entering
the priesthood?

Yes, I'm leaving my sinful life behind.

I've taken the vows of poverty and
obedience.

I can't help but notice you left out
chastity.

Are you trying to seduce me?

Heavens, no.

I see.

In that case, I'd like to send you off
with a very special gift.

Very much like the one I bestowed upon
Tommy Anderson before he joined the

And like Danny O'Shannon before he
joined the Sideshow.

And Scotty Buck.

before he... I guess he wasn't going
anywhere.

Miss Goddard, you're trying to entice me
with your femininity.

Just think of me as your last supper.

I already ate.

Then think of me as your after -dinner
mint.

Miss Goddard...

I don't think priests are allowed to
snack.

You have more inner strength than I
thought.

You'll make a wonderful priest, George.

Thank you, my child.

Not even one quick game of woof -woof?

Just remember, sweet George.

I'll be waiting for you in the
afterlife.

I just withstood the greatest test known
to man.

Did Miss Goddard do her dance of the 17
veils?

Thank goodness, no. I would have been a
goner for sure.

Uh, any reason for you to be here?

Well, let's see. I still own the inn. I
still live here.

None whatsoever.

Hi, Father Kim. How's Father Jasper
feeling?

Better. Some people can eat perch and it
doesn't affect them.

Others break out in angry red blotches.

You know, I've been wanting to talk to
you, Father.

You're interested in becoming a priest.

Yeah, how'd you know?

You're holding the copy of Going My Way.

It's about as close as we get to a
recruitment film.

Tell me, when did you come to this
decision?

Right after Father John's story about
the nearsighted Presbyterian and the

goats.

That one brought the Archbishop to his
knees.

You know, George, you're seeing us at
one of our rare vacations.

Most of the time, being a priest is hard
work.

Yeah, I guess those exorcisms can really
wear a guy out.

Well, some exorcisms.

But a more time -consuming task is to
provide counsel.

Say one of your parishioners confessed
that he was being unfaithful to his

spouse. Do you mean like Officer
Shifflett and Miss Goddard?

See, he was going on a stakeout, and
Miss Goddard wanted to send him off with

very special gift, so... George, a
priest is supposed to keep all

confidence. Boy, if there's anyone who
can't keep a secret, it's me.

though I never told a soul that Joanna
has a tattoo of a seahorse on her thigh.

Joanna has a tattoo?

Well, since you know that much, I might
as well tell you the rest.

See, she was showering, and I was
outside on a ladder... Good, George,

I think we've concluded that you've got
a problem in the loose -lip department.

Well,

that aside, a priest must also have the
calling.

Who calls you?

God. What does he sound like?

Does he have a deep voice like Brenda
Vaccaro?

It's not so much a voice, George, as it
is a call from the soul.

Gee, I haven't heard a peep out of my
soul.

There are other ways to show your
devotion.

You could volunteer your time at St.
Michael's.

Well, I don't think they'd want to see
the likes of me again. We had a falling

out years ago.

The church is all -forgiving.

Unless you're that notorious altar boy
who dropped the 50 -pound Bible upon the

knee's toe.

Do you think they need any help over at
St.

Christopher's? I'm sure they'd be very
grateful.

Well, thanks for being so straight with
me, Father. Maybe I'll put off this

priest thing for a while.

I guess I'd better return going my way,
unless you want to see it.

No, thanks. I've seen it over a hundred
times.

Well, I've got all of Cheech and Chong's
films.

That's what's going my way.

I hope you had a pleasant day.

Oh, we did.

Now I know what hell is like.

Well, come on. I'll give you directions
out of hell.

So, I guess you won't be taking...

Taking George along?

No. Funny, seems like every time we have
a retreat, somebody wants to join up.

This time I thought it'd be you. Well, I
did consider the priesthood briefly

when I was a kid. Then I went to see The
Bells of St. Mary and noticed how hot,

how lovely Ingrid Bergman looked.

Say no more. We've lost a lot of
candidates for that movie.

Oh, you're checking out.

I better not find any Bibles missing.

Goodbye, Father Kim. So long.

Why are you calling him Father?

Because I'm a priest.

You are not.

Yes, he is.

I don't think you've met my little
daughter, Duffy.

I was going to name her Madonna.

Oh, she's lovely.

Bye now.

Did I tell you that my daddy is chummy
with the Pope?

How does Cardinal Ken sound?

I like it.

Come out to the car, we'll talk.

Look what I found in the side yard.

The first crocus of spring.

About time, George.

I'm going to take it over to the library
and offer it to Miss Goddard.

Woof, woof.

All right.

Who told those priests about my tattoo?