All language subtitles for newhart_s07e17_buy_buy_blues

Last of the sweaters.

What's going on here?

Stephanie is throwing out every stitch
of clothing she owns.

Ask a stupid question.

I'm getting rid of everything that
reminds me of Michael.

If he can make a fresh start, so can I.

Stephanie, Michael's in a sanitarium.
He's not making a fresh start.

He's making ashtrays out of clay.

You're throwing this out?

It's a Giannina Bruthese.

I was wearing it. The first night,
Michael told me he loved me. It must be

destroyed.

I'm supposed to take all these clothes
to the town dump and watch them burn.

And what else, George?

Oh, right. I have to dance naked around
the fire.

Maybe I'll wait till after dark and
bring a date.

Make a night of it. You guys want a
double?

Gee, we just danced naked last night.

Next time, give us some notice.

That's my sweater.

I know. It's got to go.

Michael and I used to laugh at you every
time you wore it.

He always said it made you look like a
human Tootsie Roll.

You went into my closet?

Of course not.

It was lying on your bed.

You really should learn to hang your
clothes up, Dick.

Only to keep them from being torched.

I don't care what she says, George.
You're not burning anything.

These are good clothes. Just take them
all to goodwill.

What if Stephanie finds out? So?

Joanna, you forget she knows where I
live.

Dick and I will see that no harm comes
to you. Right, honey? This is a great

sweater.

They don't make buttons out of shells
anymore.

Okay. Hey, Joanna, let's shop.

Daddy wired me a boatload of money.

It's Sunday. Everything's closed.

Not Peck's department store.

Mr. Peck was in Rome having a private
thing with the Pope, and Daddy made him

fly back to open the store for me.

Mr. Peck gave up an audience with the
Pope just so you could shop?

Well, the Pope will forgive him. It's
his job or something.

Wasn't that sweater tagged for burning?
I'm keeping it. This is a great sweater.

Fine. So what if it reminds me of
Michael? Keep it.

Sleep with it. Marry it. See if I care.

But be forewarned, I know where you
live.

Dump it, honey.

It does sort of make you look like a
Tootsie Roll.

Dick, what's going to happen when we
start reminding her of Michael?

Beards, George. We grow beards.

Hey, Michael.

Hey.

All of me.

Why not take all of me?

Baby, can't you see?

I'm no good there without you.

Thanks, old blue eyes.

You know, when I get out of here, I
ought to get you on Vermont Today. I

produce it, you know.

Look, kid.

I don't do local gigs.

I only do Vegas.

Get me Vegas will talk.

He's had an attitude ever since the
academy overlooked him for Ocean's

Michael, you're pretty chipper today.

I have you to thank for it, Dr. Kaiser.

Two weeks ago, I was a babbling blankoid
with a birth in the bug house.

And now?

I'm at peace with myself.

These are my people.

They really like me. I found a home
here.

Hey, Mikey, big ping pong game tomorrow.
You want to be my partner?

Sure, who are we playing?

Joey and Martina.

Who's Martina?

Joey's other personality.

He's got a wicked backhand.

Well, he sounds like a tough team, but
remember, we've got that two -body

advantage. Michael, you're being
released tomorrow.

Your two -week evaluation is over.

Oh.

Sorry, Charlie. I guess we'll have to
strike that match.

All right.

But you tell Martina.

Those steroids make her mean.

Dr. Kaiser, I can't leave. I had a
mental meltdown. My synapse has crackled

popped.

Michael, you had an extreme anxiety
attack.

But over the past few weeks, I've
watched you grow stronger every day.

You're becoming the kind of man I like
and respect.

I think it's time to face life out
there.

Well, can't I face life out there from
in here?

Besides, I can't go. I still have two
ashtrays and a kiln.

Michael, this is not junior achievement.

There are people who really need to be
in here.

Like Joey and Martina, to name one.

Well, I suppose I could give it a try.

See, you're sounding more confident
already.

I mean, what's the worst thing that
could happen? If I scatter my marbles

I can make a beeline back here, right?

Gang's off.

Joey and Martina eloped.

I used to have a silk blouse just like
that.

Of course, mine didn't gape.

But what you paid for it, the buttons
really shouldn't strain like that.

Well, I know it's a little snug, but it
was cheap.

I bought this at Goodwill for $15.

American dollars?

But it's 100 % silk. Mine cost a
fortune.

I guess some of us just know how to
shop.

What's Goodwill?

Something you have toward men.

Not that Goodwill, the store. She bought
that silk blouse there for peanuts.

Well, Goodwill is this wonderful
charitable organization that sells

clothes.

You mean someone would actually pay to
wear other people's filthy clothes?

Ew.

Well, I'm sure they're worse than before
they sell them.

I mean, don't they?

I don't think so.

Ew.

By the way, Dick, I'll be needing some
more cash.

I just gave you a month's advance.

Okay, give me a raise.

You don't deserve a raise.

That's not the point, Dick. The point is
I need more money to shop.

Stephanie, I think you've bought enough
clothes for a while.

Oh, Joanna.

Sometimes I wish I could be more like
you.

It doesn't bother you at all to wear the
same clothes over and over and over

again until they almost fall off your
back.

I don't care how much you give her, just
get her out of here.

All right, just one more advance.

Thanks.

I don't need food.

Fast will do me good.

Yeah, I was going to mention that weight
gain, but I didn't think it was my

place.

It isn't.

Don't ever wear that blouse to me. this
town again.

Wow, another ashtray.

Thanks, Charlie.

Been looking for a reason to start
smoking.

A toast to Michael and his life on the
outside.

To Michael!

Thank you. Thank you, folks.

You know, filming Ocean's Eleven was a
swinging party for me.

I want to thank Sammy.

You know... I think they want me to
speak, Frank.

Sam.

You know, when I first arrived here at
Ridge Valley two weeks ago, I was a

broken shell of a man. But each one of
you welcomed me in your own special way.

I haven't been close to many people in
my life, but...

You've all shown me such warmth and
affection that I'll always cherish this

place. Hey, everybody, Geraldo's on.

Hello,

Michael. Dr. Kaiser.

Well, as you can see, the gang threw a
bit of a bye -bye bash for me. Can I get

you something?

Some punch? A placebo?

Some ashtray?

Maybe later.

I stopped by to have a little talk with
you, Michael, before you're discharged.

No need to drop more quarters in my
confidence meter, Dr. K.

With your guidance, this guy's geared to
get up and get out.

Michael, tomorrow I want you to give Dr.
Lyons a call. He's a wonderful

therapist, a good friend of mine.

But what do I need him for?

You're my doctor.

I'm afraid I have to withdraw from your
case.

Oh, what, now that I'm a loony on the
loose, you're throwing me to the lions?

It's not like that at all, Michael.

You see, I've been having these...

Feelings for you.

Feelings that a doctor should not be
having for her patient.

You mean you don't like me?

Quite the opposite.

You mean I don't like you?

Michael, I'm attracted to you.

Huh?

Isn't it ridiculous?

I know it sounds crazy.

I usually fall for professional men, men
with careers and futures.

But there's something, I don't know,
erotic about you.

Did you say erotic or neurotic?

Oh, what difference does it make?

I can't see you anymore. It's just not
right.

Good luck, Michael.

I'm sure you'll be just fine out there.

Did you notice anything different about
me?

You switched heads with a guy in a peach
jumpsuit?

No. Stephanie bought this for me. She
said it screamed George.

It's screaming something else to me.

He wouldn't get rid of the stupid hat.

It needed something macho to offset the
shoulder pads.

Good choice.

You're buying things for George now? I
found out that shopping is just as much

fun for other people as for myself. It
gives me the same rush.

George, you look like an astronaut.

That's exactly what the salesman said.
Only he didn't say tronaut.

Aren't you Chuck Yeager?

Chuck, Chuck doesn't wear peach.

You know, it's a pity so few men are
secure enough in their masculinity that

they can wear pastels.

My ex -husband used to dress like him.

Where did you get that sweater?

Goodwill. Again, Goodwill. Okay, how
much? Eight dollars.

It's true.

They even threw in these Italian boots.

How can they afford to do that?

Well, they said some older gentleman
dropped off box after box. You know, I

not be Chuck Yeager, but there was a
time when I bucked the speed limit.

You want to hear about it over lunch?

Sure.

But I'm glad I did. It matches the one I
got yesterday.

Well, you know what they say, you can't
have too many, um... What the hell is

that?

A mink muff. You wear it ice skating.

This is April, Stephanie. There's no
ice.

Then I'll wear it roller skating.

You know, Stephanie, we're starting to
get a little worried. I mean, you have

always been quite a shopper, but lately
it's like you're on a shopping rampage.

Every time we see you, you're coming in
loaded down with shopping bags.

Well, thanks for your concern, but I've
already recognized the problem and I've

decided to do something about it. Oh.

Good for you. From now on, I'm having
everything delivered.

Well, now with that major problem taken
care of, we can concentrate on this

little... this little shopping
addiction.

I think you're both overreacting.

Stephanie Vanderkeelen?

Yes? Uh, hey.

This is a place, Humphrey.

Pretty white, your aquarium.

I bought an aquarium?

Yep. And 20 pair of Siamese fighting
fish.

Come in.

Dr. Kaiser, thanks for squeezing me in.
I really need your help.

Well, you sounded so distraught.

Oh, then I canceled my group with the
severely depressed.

What's the problem?

I shop too much.

Most people have the nerve to complain
just because they have no reason to

Dr. Kaiser, I'm so scared.

One minute I was in a taxi on my way to
Peck's department store, and the next

thing I knew, I was in that tacky
factory outlet between the Green Stamp

Redemption Center and that Bill Bond
place.

You blacked out.

But that's not the scary part.

When I came to, I was fighting off two
chubbles for a pair of polyester capri

pants.

Oh, there, there, there. Now, just
relax.

Now, tell me, when did you first become
aware of this problem?

Well, I used to be just a social
shopper.

Two, three outfits a week.

And then my boyfriend dumped me.

Well, suddenly, two or three outfits
weren't enough to satisfy me.

I needed it more and more.

The urge to purchase was overpowering.

It began to control me. It became more
important than my work.

Well, actually, anything is more
important than my work.

Do you know, it's funny.

When you buy one blouse, nobody really
pays any attention.

You're invisible.

But when you walk up to a sales clerk
and say, I'll take 25 blouses, let me

you, they look at you in wonderment.

Like you are somebody.

And at that very moment, you are on top
of the world. There is no higher high. I

mean, you feel like you are Robin
Givens.

And then, the next morning, reality
slaps you in the face.

You wake up alone, surrounded by
crumpled tissue paper and straight pins.

And God, you wonder if you can make it
through the day.

And then,

see those empty shopping bags and you
know you won't be complete until you see

them filled again.

And there you are, back on the street
again, headed for the mall.

Well, it seems to me that all this
mindless accumulation is simply a

for the love you're missing.

What is this?

A cordless power drill. It's mine. Put
it back.

Look, I know you feel powerless, even
though you own a drill.

But you have to learn to overcome this
obsession.

You have to try to control this
dependency.

I used to have a sweater just like this.

Oh, it's a Jeanina Brzeezy.

I just picked it up for four dollars at
Goodwill.

Four stinking dollars.

Of course, it's been on someone else's
disgusting body.

Wearing mine the night he told me he
loved me.

I think we have to end this session.

I don't think I'm cured yet.

Look, I've got problems of my own, okay?

See, you see, I've been treating Michael
at Ridge Valley for the past two weeks.

Oh.

He's the reason I can't be your
therapist.

You're choosing Michael as a patient
over me?

Why? Because he's more neurotic?

No, because he's more erotic.

Did you say erotic or erratic?

Erotic. I kissed him, okay?

What?

I kissed him, I kissed him, I kissed
him.

There.

I feel better for saying it.

And I hope you're not too upset.

Why should I be upset, Dr. Tramp?

He didn't give me a chance to be a
tramp.

What is that supposed to mean?

Well, to put it in his words, I don't
Peter his O'Toole.

I'm not surprised.

He never was attracted to thick ankles.

It had nothing to do with my ankles.

Obviously, he's just not used to a woman
with a mind.

You can't talk to me like that.

I most certainly can. I'm not charging
you for the session.

Well, good, because I don't need your
help.

I can lift this shopping thing on my
own.

What is that?

My tax charge card. Go and buy yourself
some new clothes.

Maybe you can give that sweater back to
the poor slob who was stupid enough to

throw it away in the first place.

Joanna Loudon?

Where's your jumpsuit, George?

Oh, I put it away.

It was too radical for this town.

What do you mean?

Oh, there's just so many times you can
hear, Hey, Peaches, where's your cream?

Hey, Peaches, nice cobbler.

And hey, George, how's it going?

That last one didn't bother me as much
as the others.

Well, I guess, you know, they feel less
threatened by you and your overalls.

Dick, am I too hip for this burg?

Yes, George.

Thought so.

Maybe I'll hang on to my jumpsuits. Who
knows, one day I may get to Montpelier.

Good idea.

It's a peach town.

Stephanie, whatever those are, return
them. There's no more room if he ends.

All right, Joanna.

These are from Goodwill.

From now on, I'll be doing all my
shopping there.

Really.

And look at this great dress I got for
only $10.

It's just like my old one.

And it won't remind you of Michael?

Michael who?

Boy, I wish I hadn't burned all my
clothes.

How long can we keep this from her?

Oh, by the way, Dick.

I have a sweater there exactly like
yours.

Right down to the dry cleaning tag with
your name on it.

Meow.