Original subtitles

Hello, Shepard Inn.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Cook.

Yeah, we sort of expected you an hour ago.

Well, where are you now?

Lost.

You see any distinguishing signs or landmarks?

Uh -huh.

Yeah, I'm afraid a lot of stop signs fit that description, Mrs. Cook.

No, I'm afraid I don't know what color Vermont would be on your road map.

Well, I suppose if I absolutely had to, I'd guess green.

Goodbye, Mrs. Kirk.

Well, we're on our way out to build a snow step.

We're going to pack some white powder into five feet of cuteness. A monument

my muffin in ice.

You want to join us? I'll let you put the dimples underneath.

Darn, and my mittens are all the way in the other room.

So, do you have everything, Michael? You bet. I even have a button for your cute

button nose.

Kind of big, Michael.

How's this?

Perfect.

I make hats cold, but it's worth it.

I replaced that light in the refrigerator for you, Joanna.

Thanks, George.

You're looking at my 10 ,000th burnout bulb.

And this baby goes right in the scrapbook.

You put light bulbs in your scrapbook? Only those with strong sentimental

You should see my scrapbook. It tells the George Utley story from the very

beginning. The first nail I ever hammered solo.

The metric wrench set I bought when I fell for the conversion talk of the 70s.

Even my junior carpenter tool belt with training ball peen.

Sounds like it'd be hard to put down.

Sounds like it'd be hard to pick up.

I've got to go dust off the old book. I expect I've got quite a trip down memory

lane in front of me.

Joanna.

Our maid is outside building a snow idol to herself.

And our handyman is on his way to his room to paste a light bulb in a

When did we lose control of the hired help?

Morning, George.

Good morning.

George, are you okay?

I've been up all night looking over my George Utley scrapbook. And you know,

every single page was handyman stuff.

Are you sure you have the right scrapbook?

There wasn't a single photograph of me in there without a hammer.

Well, weren't there any baby pictures?

Sure, plenty.

Well, George, you always loved the idea of being a handyman. That's why you

became one, right?

Well, I used to think so.

But maybe it was because my father was a handyman.

And my father's father was a handyman. And my father's father... All right,

George. We're picking up on the pattern.

George, if you don't want to be a handyman, what do you want to be?

Nothing I can think of. Oh, except when I was a kid, I had a few ambitions.

Well, it's never too late to follow your dreams.

Don't worry. Last night I came to grips with the fact that I'll always be just a

handyman.

Well, I think before I start my day 13 ,612 of

my handyman grind, I'll just take a little walk outside and see if I can't

those old caretaker's blues.

George?

George, I mean, do you think a walk is the answer? I mean...

You know, look how a stroll down memory lane screwed you up.

Stratford Inn.

Um, Mrs.

Cook, yeah, we're beginning to worry.

Well, I'm sorry, but I told you Green was just a guest.

I did so.

Well, where are you now?

No, no idea, huh?

What's that I hear in the background?

It sounds like you got an ocean there, Mrs. Goode.

All right, what you do, get back in your car and drive, keeping the ocean on

your right.

You're welcome, Mrs. Goode. And good luck.

Michael. Oh, Michael.

What are we going to do?

What's going on? I just heard it on the radio. It's horrible.

A warming trend.

Okay, everyone into the basement. I'll get some lanterns and some bottled

Don't you realize what this means?

Everyone knows that's me out there. And even after the sun's deforming rays hit

it, they're still going to think it's me.

Of all the times for spring to hit, right on the heels of winter.

Well, you guys knew.

When you built this, did someday it would melt?

No, we didn't. We don't think that far into the future.

Yeah. I mean, who would have a baby if they thought about what it was going to

look like when it was 90?

Michael, what are we going to do?

I don't know.

Well, thanks.

Dick? I don't know either.

Well, I guess all you can do is sit back and watch helplessly as your snow step

slowly melts into a muddy slush step.

You're sick!

Jake, that wasn't very nice.

I know, and as soon as I can keep a straight face, I'll apologize.

Hi, guys.

George, where have you been?

Well, my cheering up stroll through town kind of turned into an all -day outing.

Looks like it worked. You're downright peppy. Yeah, I feel great.

Terrific. I got a new job.

What do you mean you got a new job? Well, I was about a mile into my walk

passed Seifert's Auto Barn.

They had a salesman wanted sign up. The job I've always dreamed of.

But, George, you never said anything about wanting to be a used car salesman.

That's because I thought Dick would laugh at my illusions of grandeur.

Wait a minute.

If I leave my job here, it'll be the first time the Stratford has been

an Utley handyman.

I'm sure we'll stumble through.

But who'll handyman?

I'll handyman.

I guess you will stumble through.

Well, now I suppose that the first thing I've got to do is find a place to live.

Oh, what do you mean, George? Of course you'll live right here in your room.

But that's for the resident handyman.

No, that's for the resident Utley.

Oh, thanks.

But I won't feel right unless you let me pay for my room and board. George,

don't be ridiculous. I insist, Dick. I do have my pride.

All right, how about, uh...

$25 a month.

Boy, you sure know how to exploit a guy's sentimental attachment.

Michael, any news on the

snow, Steph?

All NG, living, breathing, Steph.

And the forecast says continued warmer.

Michael, you're really letting me down as a boyfriend not being able to control

the weather and all.

Sorry, Seth.

I know. How about we start calling it a Snow Joanna?

That way it'll just be something on the lawn.

Michael, the melting of snow is a natural phenomenon and in its own way

very beautiful.

I'm sorry. I wonder if you could settle a bet.

That snow sculpture outside, is that supposed to be a gargoyle or a lawn

It's supposed to be her.

Oh, yeah.

Michael, I don't care what it takes.

Fix me, fix me.

You know, I just can't believe that George is going to go off to work.

I mean, I'm really going to miss having him around all the time.

Honey, it's just a phase he's going through. I predict his...

His hammer hand will be itching before lunch.

Don't you look nice.

It's so neat to have to dress up for work the same way you would for a big to

-do.

And look, you guys realize this will be the first time I've had to pack a lunch

for work?

It's exhilarating and scary all at the same time.

And I've been boning up on my blue book values.

Go ahead. Give me a model and year, and I'll tell you the price.

Um, 84 Mustang convertible.

That's an easy one.

Six or eight cylinder?

Oh, let's see. I'm already open to the six cylinder page, but I don't want you

to pull any punches just because it's my first day.

Okay, then eight.

GT or LX interior?

George, I'm really not that interested in a Mustang.

You're not?

Then what'd you put me through all this for?

Oh, I hope all my customers aren't like you, Dick.

Wow. Even the lulls are exciting.

looking for a car, and my friend said I should be sure to talk to the man who

sold her a car yesterday, Honest George. I'm Honest George.

Your name tag says Bill Dryden. Okay, I lied. I'm Honest Bill.

When I told your friend that car yesterday, I just told her my name was

George. Hi, I'm George Utley.

You must be Mrs. Leeds' friend.

Hello, George.

Sherry said you'd tell me the truth about your cars.

I'd be glad to.

Welcome to the auto barn.

I'm looking for George. I'm George.

No, you're not. I know what he looks like. I was in an accident and I had

plastic surgery.

I'm not here to buy anything.

I'll get him right away.

George to the showroom.

Hey, you smudge it, you bought it.

Oh, George, I hope I didn't pull you away from a customer.

Oh, it's okay, Dick.

She wanted a station wagon, but the only one we've got has a bad exhaust system,

so you get dizzy when you drive.

When I pointed that out to her, she lost interest.

Did you show her the VW van?

No, the accelerator sticks.

Hey, lady, wait!

And if your friend smudges the Plymouth, it's my sale.

Dick, what are you doing here?

It's not already the first of the month, is it?

George, I'm not here to collect the rally.

Happened to be next door picking up a new fuse, and I thought I'd drop in. New

fuse? What's wrong?

Nothing. Michael and Stephanie overloaded the in -circuits by trying to

a dozen Mr.

Snowcones in the outdoor outlet.

Did you get to use the new fuse tester?

You're starting to miss the handyman life, aren't you, George?

Are you kidding?

Look around. I mean, is this place great or what? It's like a cross between

Disneyland and Disney World.

It's a kind of hard combination of picture.

Look, Dick.

Here it is.

The time clock.

Wow, up close and everything.

Hey, George, I sold the van.

She wanted it? Not really, but she smudged it.

You know, I'm not sure Bill should be in the used car business.

Some of the things he does border on the dishonest.

Well, I better go help her out of this fix. And also, I am on the clock.

Yeah, I better go, too. I don't want to smudge my way into the poorhouse.

If you really want to see something, come back in three hours.

What happens then?

I punch out.

working porch light again and i have page one of dick loudon's scrapbook

re -replace the porch light could you take a look at

the fireplace flu sure what's wrong i don't know but this just fell out which

i'm pretty sure is wrong yeah i'll get right out

Hello, Stratford Inn.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Cook.

Where are you now?

Well, can you find someone to ask directions?

Everyone's speaking French.

Yeah, I think you overshot us, Mrs. Cook.

My guess is Canada.

Yeah, were there guys in uniform who stopped you and went through your

Yeah, see, that's the border.

You know, Mrs. Cook, maybe you ought to just ask for a room there.

Au revoir, Mrs. Cook.

Cross off, Mrs. Cook.

Come on. Just take one more look for me.

Michael, I already looked out this morning, and it was nothing but an ugly

-foot lump.

Well, take one more look. You may be pleasantly surprised.

Michael, she's gone!

You're right, Steph.

What happened to her?

I think the only explanation is that Snow -Steph pulled a frosty on us, came

life, and danced off to the North Pole.

Do you really think so?

It's the only theory science will support.

that little button nose embedded in your grill work?

Well, as I say, either she came to life or I accidentally mowed her down with a

Turbo Z.

Hi,

George. How was work?

Great. I just came here to throw something into my brown bag for tonight.

You're working tonight?

You bet. We're having a midnight Pacer mania sale.

Balloons, button, and we'll... Stay open until we finally sell that stupid

pacer.

Sounds exciting.

Yeah. By the way, the porch light's out.

Yeah, I know. As soon as I finish fixing the flu, I'm going to get out again.

You're kidding. The flu broke?

I've been waiting 47 years for that thing to give in.

Figures. You wash your car, it rains.

You change careers, the flu breaks.

George, you wouldn't by any chance want to help me with the flu?

No.

hung up the overalls. I figured the best way to give up handy manhood would be

cold turkey.

Sure beats checking into one of those fenners.

I thought I heard a creaking noise out here.

Probably this swing.

Who, uh, wants...

Want some company?

I guess.

Damn, I've already replaced that light bulb twice tonight.

Probably using a regular bulb.

You should use special ones in winter.

Ah.

Well, I hardly ever sit in this swing.

It's nice.

Noisy, but nice.

Thanks. Dad and me put this up when I was eight years old.

We used to sit in it at night, staring out over the lawn, talking about stuff.

Things sure have changed.

Well, it was 40 years ago.

No, I mean since this morning. No, Stephanie's gone.

Michael ran over it.

I feel pretty silly moping about my own petty problems.

Well, I guess since I'm the handyman, I'm going to have to oil that thing in

morning. I wish you wouldn't, Dick.

Why not?

Well, I know this is going to sound crazy, but the creaking was starting to

sound a little like my father talking to me on the swing again.

What creaking? What was he saying?

He was saying you can't fight generations of breeding, that I should

being the Stratford handyman.

George, you should probably listen to your heart on this, not some squeaking

porch swing.

I think that is my heart, Dick.

The swing was just saying it out loud.

You know, Dick...

All my life, I thought being a used car salesman was just about the greatest

thing in the world.

Time clock, those little plastic flags snapping in the wind, painting big white

numbers on windshields.

But after about a week, all that glamour fades into a glitzy routine.

Well, I have to tell you, George, from the outside looking in, you'd never

guess.

I thought I'd live out every man's fantasy.

Selling used cars is not really that much fun.

And then tonight I couldn't concentrate thinking about that fireplace flu.

How would I fix it?

Would I just weld on a new faceplate or... or replace the whole mechanism?

You, uh...

You wouldn't have just jammed it back into place.

Are you kidding?

George, you know, I would have let you help me fix the flu.

Oh, it's not just that, Dick. I miss setting my own hours.

I miss the feel of a plaid flannel shirt under fully stocked overalls.

And I miss the feel of being necessary at the car lot.

There's me and Bill. I'm just a number there.

But here at the Stratford, without me, the front porch would always be dark and

the damper would be flip -shottily jammed into place.

George, you know, we really miss you, but I thought you wanted to do something

else besides, you know, handyman stuff.

I've done it, Dick. And after tomorrow, there's going to be a name tag.

A time card and a midnight Pacer mania button in my scrapbook to prove it.

I quit, Dick.

You're sure about this, George? You know, it's not too late to go back.

It's still not too late, George.

And don't worry, Dick. Before I go to bed tonight, I'll put a new bulb in the

porch light.

And would you give the flu the once -over?

I was going to, Dick.

You know, it's good to have a nutty back at the Stratford

again.

Ten thousand and one.

Meow.