Original subtitles

Okay, Dick, what's the surprise?

I finally got rid of my manual typewriter, and I've stepped into the

-tech wizardry.

Dick, you got a computer!

No, an electric typewriter.

Oh, wow.

Oh, watch. Watch this.

Before, I used to have to do that by hand. Now...

Now I can knock out my books in whiz time.

Dick, you type slowly on the manual. You're not going to automatically leave

skid marks with an electric.

Oh, really?

Just watch these kids dance.

It says the quick

brand fits.

Oh, so it does.

Yeah, but look how quickly I can exit out.

Oh, he'll be back soon, George. He's registering for a typing class.

Why, he seemed really good at X -ing things out.

Hi, everybody.

What's with him? We just came from a Tom Cruise film festival.

Michael was emotionally moved by it. and now he wants to try to be more like

him, and I said okay.

Yeah, I'm through blending into the woodwork.

Yeah.

Tom Cruise, does this mean you'll be dancing in your underwear, Michael?

That was one of Tom's earlier movies, George.

Since then, he's gotten much cockier.

Boy, he is cocky.

Stephanie, you actually like Michael?

Joanna, there's nothing more attractive than a man that's sure of himself.

Hey, when she's right, she's right.

Overconfidence and self -absorption is the 80s attitude.

Don't you just love it when he's full of himself?

Michael, I'm gonna go upstairs now and buff my nails.

Nail buffing!

Is it just me, or are they getting worse?

So, honey, when does your typing class start?

Uh, Tuesday night.

Oh, and guess who my instructor is? It's incredible.

Mr. Bruni.

Who's Mr. Bruni? He was my sixth grade teacher in Allentown, Pennsylvania.

I haven't seen this guy since I was 11 years old.

Looney Bruni.

You made up nicknames for your teachers? That could go on your permanent record.

George, he deserved it. I mean, at the slightest misbehavior, he'd make you put

your head down on the desk.

Boy, Dick, sounds like a real sadist.

Honey, the worst thing you can do to an energetic 11 -year -old is to make him

assume the nap position.

Actually, that was my favorite part of the school day.

George, you wouldn't have liked Bruni.

I mean, he'd call on you when you didn't have your hand raised.

And when he'd pass out, you know, fresh mimeo sheets, he wouldn't let you smell

them.

And as if that weren't bad enough, he flunked me.

Subject? Geography, just because I didn't remember a couple of state

Which ones, Dick?

The point is, Joyce, that he flunked me.

And he always said that I'd never amount to anything.

Well, Dick, if you're this uncomfortable with a man, maybe you shouldn't take

the course.

Honey, are you kidding?

I mean, how many times in your life do you get a chance to show someone that

they were totally wrong about how you'd turn out?

And this former 11 -year -old turned out great.

Mr. Bruni? Yes?

Remember me?

No.

Cunningham Elementary?

You went to Cunningham?

Dick Loudon.

Richard Loudon? You're not still making those armpit noises, are you?

I never made those noises. That was somebody else.

Of course it was.

Why don't we start, class?

Richard, why don't you hand out these papers and make sure nobody smells them?

Good evening. We're all here to become better typists. Now, you'll see by those

handouts that you will have a test every second day. I will not tolerate absence

or tardiness.

And it is very important to remember posture.

It's important in life as well as in typing.

Don't be late. Sit up straight.

Matriculate.

Mr. Bruni, Barry Drobes. Will we be getting any homework?

Oh, indeed. There will be homework assigned, and I want to thank you for

reminding me, Barry.

All right, friends.

Back straight.

Elbows above the keys.

Fingers in the home position.

Ready... Begin.

A -A -A -S -S -S -D -D -D. A -A -A -S -S... Did

I

see

you hunting and pecking?

Yes, you did. He was hunting and pecking.

I saw him.

I guess I was.

Richard, I'm not up here for my health.

This is a touch -typing class. We do not punt and peck here.

Well, I mean, it's just the first day.

Oh, I see you haven't lost your penchant for backtalk, have you?

All right, now, class, we will continue this exercise for the remainder of the

90 minutes.

Mr.

Bruni, aren't we going to get a break?

Mr. Sethler's class gets a break.

If Mr.

Seth Lowe's class decided to jump off a cliff, I suppose you'd tag right along

behind them, eh?

Not me, Mr. Bruni.

He hasn't changed. He's still Looney Bruni.

What was that, Richard?

Uh, nothing.

Are you sure it wasn't something you'd like to share with the whole class?

I don't, I don't, I don't think so.

Well, since Richard seems to be showing us his stubborn side, I suppose the

entire class will have to suffer.

All right, everyone put their heads down on their desk.

This is ridiculous.

We're a...

Richard,

are you going to be the one that keeps the class here even longer by

Mr. Bruni, did you notice I put my head down first?

I'm troubled.

Could I talk to you, girl to woman?

Who can resist an offer like that?

I'm not sure I'm crazy about Michael, this new cocky way.

I never realized it before, but the sound, yo, can really grate on you.

Well, why don't you just tell Michael that you want him to go back to the

Michael?

But I'm the one who encouraged him. If I told him to stop... it would be like

admitting I was wrong.

Which Michael would refuse to believe, though he'd never listen to me anyway.

Have no fear.

Your top gun is here.

Hey, that rhymes.

You know, Steph, this new hey, look me over attitude is going over big.

You know, Michael, a lot of people feel that a touch of humility is an

attractive trait, too.

That's profound.

You've made me think.

Come on, Steph, I want to try out my new strut.

Joanna, it's nearly 8 o 'clock. Has Dick left for his typing class yet? Oh,

Dick, you're going to be late for school.

I'm not going to school.

a stomachache.

Dick.

Joanna, it really, really, really, really hurts.

Dick, you're an adult now. You don't have to make up silly excuses.

Oh, good.

Because I hate school.

I feel like I'm back in the sixth grade again.

I mean, I don't care if I type three words a minute. I'm quitting school.

Dick, don't. You'll wind up pumping gas George I

already have a career yeah until they hear about this dropout thing Dick you

quit but won't it always bother you that Mr. Bruni still thinks you haven't made

it well look why don't you invite Mr. Bruni over for dinner and

show him how successful you turned out I think once you get Mr. Bruni in a

social situation he'll Loosen up.

He's probably a decent man.

I doubt it.

But I'll... I'll give it a try.

A teacher coming here?

I'd better go to my room and bone up on my phonics.

Hi, Michael.

Bad news, Steph.

I... I... I went a yeah too far.

Michael.

Maybe we should take...

As a sign.

Of what?

Michael, you know what I liked best about Tom Cruise's cockiness?

It only lasted 90 minutes.

You mean you like me better like this?

Humble and hoarse?

Well, humble. I hate hoarse.

Steph, you want humble, you've got it. The old...

Oh, no.

I've got gum.

Mr. Bruni, this is my wife, Joanna, and this is our handyman, George Utley.

Well, pleased to meet you.

Oh, that is an exceptionally fine wine.

Well, thank you. Since you were a teacher, we didn't know if we should

Chardonnay or milk and cookies.

inviting me over. I am new in this area, and I, well, I don't get out much

socially. Oh, you're not from these parts?

No. As a matter of fact, I was brought up in Delaware.

Delaware. I've always wanted to visit there.

I'd especially like to see its state capital, Dover. That's very good,

And after visiting Delaware, I would like to visit its neighbor to the west.

Very land.

Its state capital is Annapolis, and its chief export is... Okay, George, okay.

Well, I really should be going. It's been a pleasure meeting you, Mr.

Brunia. May I be excused?

George, you don't have to ask permission.

Oh, it doesn't hurt.

You may go, George.

Seems like a nice guy to me, Dick.

I'll get the hors d 'oeuvres.

Tell me, Richard, how are you feeling?

Fine.

Really a remarkable recovery.

Since you were so terribly sick, you couldn't make it to school yesterday.

Exactly what was wrong?

I had a stomachache.

Seems to me you used to have a lot of stomachaches. You're not playing hooky

again, are you? No, no.

Tell me.

Did he have a stomachache yesterday?

Yes.

Uh, Mr. Bruni, it may interest you to know that after sixth grade, Dick became

an executive in advertising.

Yeah. Uh -huh. And then he left that and went on to become a very successful how

-to writer.

Well, certainly very interesting. You know, your classmate, Craig Shumway,

it out in advertising.

Now he's the president of his own agency.

Craig Shumway was the one who made the armpit noises.

Honey, why don't you show Mr. Bruni some of your books?

Oh, a good idea. Yes.

I'm particularly proud of this one. Uh -huh.

My, my, my, my, Richard. The first page I open and already I read...

Sentences. Oh, no. C minus.

C minus?

Has Dick told you about his television show? Television is bubble gum for the

mind.

Haven't I impressed you with anything I've done?

No.

And I am particularly unimpressed with this little charade.

What? What charade? Inviting me to dinner just to get a better grade. It

work when you left that...

I never gave you a pecan log. That was Craig Shumway, too.

Richard, I should think by now you would have learned that squealers never

prosper.

Are you with me?

I'm in.

I'm in. I'm in. I'm telling.

All right, what we're going to do is finally stand up to Mr. Bruni.

And not let him intimidate us with his hickory stick mentality.

I think we can do a lot to this guy.

But after our grades are in.

What I think we ought to do is the next time he doles out one of those demeaning

punishments, that we should flat out refuse to do it.

Are you with me?

Good evening, class.

Tonight we will be covering vertical centering.

Please turn to page 47, and each of you try to center your own name. Ready?

Begin.

What was that horrible sound?

Did I hear someone try to pull their paper out without using the paper

lever?

That, uh, that would be me.

Well, Richard, since you don't seem to be very familiar with the rules, perhaps

you ought to type, I will always use my paper release lever 100 times.

I'm not going to do it.

Well, since Richard is not going to do what he's told, I'm afraid it's going to

cost the class an additional problem. Everyone put their heads down on their

desks.

We're not going to do it.

Here are two dimes. Now, I want you to call your mother and tell her that there

is serious doubt you will ever become a touch typist.

I'm not going to call my mother. I'm not going to put my head down on the desk.

I'm here to learn typing, and so is everyone else. Well, it seems to me as

Richard is just bringing still more trouble onto the class.

Maybe we'd all enjoy a pop quiz.

Ready?

in their home position.

little revolt.

Yeah.

All we were trying to do with the disobedience and the rhythmic typing and

panning of Barry was to prove that we were adults.

I mean, it was bad enough when you treated me like a kid when I was a kid.

I've had some time to think while I was huddled in the cloakroom.

Maybe I have been unfair, too rigid with my students. Maybe it took this coup to

bring all that home.

It's almost worth the 40 -year wait.

And I may have been particularly hard on you.

I mean, when I flunked you in geography.

Maybe you thought that was unfair, Richard.

Just totally.

Maybe, maybe it was. But I do appreciate what you have done here.

Yes, I do. And I've really enjoyed our little talk.

Dick.

Thank you.

Of course, I'm still going to flunk you.