All language subtitles for newhart_s05e17_unfriendly_persuasion

Hey, Stephanie.

How's everything?

Okay.

Ew, ew, ew!

What is it?

I got lemon wax on my hand.

Got it.

You'll multiply and moisturize and then
something like this happens.

I think we caught it in time.

And how am I going to finish this if I
have to work with a can that has a rogue

spray?

George. Coming.

Stand back.

Thanks, George.

You're welcome.

You know, that stuffed smell kind of
reminds me of this lye soap my mother

to make.

She always added lemon to take away the
odor.

When that stuff started boiling, it
smelled like... Well, you know how feet

on a hot summer day after you've walked
a couple of miles and you're wearing the

socks from the day before?

we decided it would be okay for you to
tell me childhood memories unless they

were about something awful like lye or
unwashed feet.

Oh, yeah.

Hi, fair maid.

Handy guy.

Michael.

Ah, I met a civil servant outside, so I
come bearing mail.

For George, an envelope full of coupons
and a letter from people who will give

you a toaster if you buy land.

And for my little shopper, the latest
Bergdorf Goodman catalog.

Oh, Michael!

Oh, I love that kiss the messenger rule.

What say we go out to lunch and
celebrate?

I'd love to.

Stephanie, did you remember to ask
Michael to bring me one of his ties?

Oh, George, I forgot. Sorry.

George, thanks for the gods of taste.

All my ties clash with plaid.

Well, I don't want to wear it with
plaid. I want to wear it with a suit.

Tonight's the big dance at the town
hall.

And Ida Powell, the bank teller, is
going to be there and I think she's got

crush on me. How come, George?

Well, last week I got stuck in line at
the bank behind Mr. Stebbins.

The blind man.

And you know how slow he can be.

Well, Ida opened her window just for me.

And she was on her lunch break. I know
because I could see her bitten bologna

sandwich next to a pile of tens.

Anyway... George wants to impress her
tonight. Can we go now?

Stephanie is going to help me put
together a look.

Steph, how giving of you. I know. He
sort of begged.

Oh, I can't wait for tonight.

I'm going right now to lay out my best
clothes.

Stephanie, we're going to knock Ida for
a loop.

See you later this afternoon.

Oh, Joanna, Michael's taking me out for
my lunch break, so please stay, okay,

okay? Fine.

Try to have her back before dark. It's
easier to see dust when there's still

some light.

Oh, here's your daily missives, mostly
Bill.

And a postcard from Dick's mom.

Michael, I'm feeling faint.

Well, gotta run. Low blood sugar calls.
Ciao.

Well, your mother's chicken scratch has
reached new lows.

Came here to St. Petersburg with my
woman's club. It's hot. My roommate

bathe.

Never been so miserable. Wish you were
here. Love, Mom.

Clear as a bill, you ought to have your
eyes checked.

Or get a secret decoder ring.

You know, I can't remember the last time
either one of us went to the eye

doctor. I should make an appointment.
Oh, that's okay, honey. If you want to

fine. But I'm very busy. I really don't
have the time.

Honey, this is the kind of thing you
have to make time for. Dick, I do not

an eye problem, and I will not be forced
to go to an eye appointment because you

have a mother who's crippled.

about this eye situation.

Dick. Honey, when we get older,
sometimes things aren't as sharp as when

kids. Like your mother's handwriting?

And sometimes we resist sharpening up
those things because we're, well, just a

little vain.

Dick. But remember, glasses don't mean
that you're going to look less

attractive. In fact, in some cases, they
make you look cuter.

don't want to go to the eye doctor has
nothing to do with vanity. That would be

silly. Then why won't you go? Because
I'm terrified of them.

Come on, honey.

You're serious?

Since when?

Since one of those goons first shone
that pen light in my eye.

Honey, why are you afraid of going to
the eye doctor?

Are you worried that the big E is going
to come after you?

other letters.

Honey, be reasonable.

An ophthalmologist is one of the truly
innocuous doctors you can go to these

days. I mean, there's no shot. There's
no nudity. It's a day at the beach.

Oh, yeah?

What about the pressure they put you
under when they say, which is better,

one or this one?

I could understand if you told me the
idea of having your teeth grinded by a

metal drill was making you nervous. I
mean, then I would say, I understand.

But when you tell me that reading a line
of letters with one eye is your

greatest nightmare, then I say we'd
better get you in a program.

Dick, I am not going back to one of
those optical houses of horror, and

final.

Have you seen Stephanie?

She's supposed to help me pick out what
to wear tonight, and it's getting late.

So I thought I'd bring my stuff over
here, since she hates going into my room

anyway. She says the stove scares her.

See? People fear many things.

She isn't here, George. She called, and
she's taking the rest of the day off.

She did?

Yeah, it was kind of hard to understand
with all her squealing, but it was

something about Paris fashions and...

Michael's extended credit limit.

Oh. Well, I could help you pick out
something, George.

No, that's okay. I think I'll just go be
mad.

Well, that's Stephanie.

Yeah.

Inconsiderate.

Childish.

Irresponsible.

And yet not afraid of a mere eye doctor.

Well, this was a first, Steph. I don't
think I've actually ever seen a credit

card start to melt from use.

God, we know how to have fun.

Good night, Steph.

Stephanie?

Good grief, George. I have breakables in
here.

I need to talk to you.

Okay, but better make it brief. You
know, I need my beauty sleep.

Well, I don't actually need it, but I
like to go through the motions.

You didn't help me pick out my clothes
for the dance.

Oh, George, I forgot.

Michael and I ran into quality wolves at
bargain prices.

Did you get Joanna to help you?

No, I was way too upset.

George, we are still talking about a
dance, right?

With a woman named Ida?

Yes, and it was important to me, and you
forgot. You're always forgetting me. If

I ask you for a second cup of coffee or
to pick me up something at the store,

you forget.

I think someone is a little tired and a
little grumpy.

Stephanie, I've thought about this all
evening, and believe me, it's as hard

me as the time I had to kick Jimmy Bibb
out of my yard for hogging the ball.

But I've decided.

I can't be your friend anymore.

What exactly does that mean, you won't
be my friend anymore?

Well, it doesn't mean I won't still be
nice to you or help you dig your car out

of the snow or run an errand for you if
you need me to because I do those things

for anybody, friend or not.

So... basically things will be the same.

No, they won't. From now on, when I do
something for you, it will be not as a

friend.

But you will still do them.

As an acquaintance.

Okay, George.

If this is how you want things.

I think it's best.

Good night, Stephanie.

Good night, George.

Sorry I can't throw in a sweet dreams.

That's all right.

Okay.

Don't let the bedbugs bite.

But that's the best I can do.

Morning is fine.

In fact, if I could bring her in while
she's still asleep.

I didn't think so.

I'll see you Wednesday.

Oh, honey, I found you an eye doctor.

Don't start.

Now, I couldn't find one who
specifically catered to cowards, but I

who didn't laugh when I told him.

I'm not going.

Honey, you have to have your eyes
checked. No, I don't. My eyes are fine,

drop it.

Joanna, I don't do this often, but I'm
putting my foot down. You, young lady,

are going to the eye doctor.

Didn't work.

I know it didn't.

That's why I don't do it often.

Dick, where's that wobbly table leg?

This one, George.

Poor leg. Started out fine.

What makes one go haywire?

Peer pressure.

How

are you,

George? Fine.

Are you fixing a table?

Yep.

George, wouldn't you like to tell me
about one of your childhood memories?

Not really.

All right, George.

I thought about this clothing problem we
had last night.

And... Sorry, sorry, sorry.

There.

You always... I always say you're sorry,
Stephanie, but you never act any

differently.

I really think it's better that you and
I not be friends.

All right, fine.

Be that way.

Lord knows I try.

And your eyes will get so bad you won't
be able to drive. And you'll have to get

me to read to you. And you always hate
my inflection.

And you'll begin to squint more and
more.

Until you finally walk into a wall and
break your nose. All right.

I'll go.

Good. On one condition.

What?

I want you to finally model that
Valentine's Day underwear I got for you.

Uh -huh.

Oh, okay. Okay, but after this, the word
selfless better pop up a lot in my

eulogy.

The fashion mag has just hit the stands.

You want to take a break and play
critique?

What's wrong?

I got spray wax on my hands.

Poor Steph.

Do you want to go bathe?

No.

I'm okay.

This will make you feel better. Here.
You go first.

I'll open at random. And you spot the
fashion faux pas.

But, Steph, critique is your favorite.

And just look at the choice of
accessories.

Nitpick away, sweetie.

Her earrings are too large for her head.

I'm just not enjoying this.

Steph, I know you, and this is more than
just a reaction to a cleaning agent.

Is it me,

Cupcake? Level with me. Is it a breath
problem again?

I think it's George.

George is having an effect on your life?

Kind of.

A few days ago, he told me that we
couldn't be friends anymore.

And even though I begged him to forgive
me, he said he still can't be my friend.

What a mean thing to say. I can see why
you're so upset.

You can?

Well, of course.

I mean, when I'm not around, George is
sort of on call.

I mean, who'll do stuff for you?

He'll still do stuff.

But less stuff.

No, all the stuff I need.

But not when you need it.

Uh -huh.

Help me out here, Steph. Where's the
problem?

I don't know.

It doesn't make sense. But I still feel
blue.

Stephanie, you know what I do when I
don't understand an emotion?

I suppress and deny it.

Michael, I think I'll just go upstairs
and pout in a hot tub.

That's a good first step.

So, how was the eye doctor?

Horrible. Oh?

I went through all this misery and
anxiety to discover that my eyes are 20

just like I said they were.

Yeah, but doesn't it make you feel
better to see it written on a chart by a

professional?

Excuse me, George, I have to go upstairs
to our bedroom and find a little

something for Dick.

Well, at least your appointment was
okay.

Are you kidding, George?

After all of Joanna's horror stories,
who could relax?

I mean, when he came after me with that
pen light, I was afraid he was going to

accidentally poke my eye out.

Then I had to read that eye chart.

The big E does kind of loom.

Dick, please, you're ruining my favorite
doctor.

Oh, Dick!

Well, at least I'm not forcing you into
silly underwear, George.

And don't think I don't appreciate it.

Morning, George.

Good morning.

You looked very cute last night.

So you said.

And I don't think selfless is the only
word that will show up at your eulogy.

Yeah? Yeah.

Maybe Little Red Heart's Army.

Good card game last night.

Right. Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks. Oh, just stop it! Stop it! Stop
it!

What was that?

I guess I was a little rough on her.

Stephanie.

What's going on?

You saw the way George treated me.

Yeah, and if he doesn't stop this polite
business, he's out on his ear.

He said thanks.

But he didn't say yum like he always
does.

And that's not the only thing. He
doesn't go on and on about his

But you hate that. Yes, but he doesn't
do it anymore.

Do me a favor and try and make sense.

It's all George's fault.

He told me that he and I couldn't be
friends anymore and...

For some reason, it bothers me.

Well, of course it bothers you. But
he'll still do favors for me.

Stephanie, there's a big difference
between acting like a friend and

being a friend.

When you're someone's friend, you know
that they have a place in their heart

you. And when they stop being your
friend, it's like... Like

you've been asked to leave your
sorority.

Exactly. And even if they still let you
attend meetings.

Dick, not after you've been blackballed.

Oh. Well, even if they, you know, they
still spoke to you. But they wouldn't.

Pretend they would.

I mean, even if they let you do sorority
things, you wouldn't feel like a

sister. But it's not fair. When I was in
Kappa Kappa Gamma, I knew I was a

sister. I never knew.

George was a friend. I just thought of
him as George.

Sometimes you don't miss something until
it's gone.

Well, isn't life a picnic?

I didn't miss having a friend until he
stopped being a friend and now he

to be a friend so I get to be miserable
forever.

Why is it always me?

You could talk to George.

I tried that. I told him I was sorry.

No, I'm just going to have to mull. and
be unhappy.

And then one day I'll die.

Look, Stephanie, I don't do this often,
but I'm going to put my foot down.

You, young lady, are going to talk to
George.

I guess it couldn't hurt.

I'm batting 500.

Come in.

Stephanie.

George, I want this not being friends
business to stop.

We've been through that. I get my
feelings hurt less when we're just two

who work at the same inn.

I'm not buying that. You did not get
this reputation for being nice by being

stubborn. Now stop teaching me this
stupid lesson and tell me what I have to

Please.

Just say you're sorry.

I already did that days ago. Do you mean
we went through this hell just because

you forgot?

I want you to say you're sorry and
really mean it.

Oh.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Sorry, sorry.

I think maybe we're better the way we
are.

to forgive me. I'm new at being a
friend.

Now, what can I do to show

Stephanie, thank you.

I've been so miserable.

You've been miserable, too?

You bet.

Then I guess that not being my friend
wasn't the best idea, huh, George?

Yes, it was. Now I know you really want
me as a friend. And right now I feel

loads better than when I let Jimmy Bibb
back into the yard.

I remember... George.

Are you going to tell me another
childhood memory?

Yep. Then could we go somewhere else to
reminisce?

This dough really bothers me.

Meow.