Original subtitles

Oh, no, not another mystery novel. Honey, haven't you given up on those

I think I'm getting pretty good at figuring them out. Here, your solution

turn to the last page and see who the murderer is.

Not this time, Dick.

This book has the solution inside a sealed envelope. There is no way I can

cheat.

Honey, this wouldn't keep out the Smurfs.

Dick, I swear I'm not going to open it until I've positively solved the

Maybe you better hide it for me.

Consider yourself frustrated.

Hi, Harley.

Hey, Joanne.

Hi, Dick.

Got any jobs available?

Harley, I thought you had work.

No, I lost that job with the wrecking crew. Turns out they're real sticklers

about getting the addresses right.

I'm afraid there's nothing at this address either.

Good morning.

Hi, Harley.

Well, I'm off on official volunteer fire department business.

Doing what? Putting out volunteer fires?

That wouldn't go over too well down at the firehouse, Dick. We like to treat

this whole matter more seriously.

Our motto is, fire can burn.

Well, I've got fire inspections to conduct.

I'm covering the east side, starting with the Minuteman Cafe and working my

back to home base.

That means you'll be inspecting here?

In layman's terms, yes.

Wait a second.

When people have fire inspections, they're sometimes not up to code.

When they're not up to code, they need repairs done by competent repairmen.

But if I get there first, they'll hire me.

Larry, this fire extinguisher is a mess.

It ain't our fault.

It got burned up in a fire.

And why do you have that pile of oily rags back here? It could go up just like

that. That's what we use to start up the stove.

Hello there.

Got a cup of java for a freelance repairman specializing in fire safety?

Sure. Darryl. We got some Joe to brew.

Throw a rag in the stove.

Grab a seat.

Great. Now I can take a load off these weary repairmen specializing in fire

safety's feet.

Hi, I'm Larry.

This is my bro. Yeah, great.

George, how fortunate.

Hi, Michael.

Word has it you're going to be inspecting me casa.

You mean your domicile?

Well, let's talk English here.

My apartment.

You might find one or two irregularities in the wiring system.

That's something you'll have to take care of, Michael.

Exactly.

I, uh... I found this for you outside.

Wow, $30.

You could buy a lot of plaid shirts with that, couldn't you, George?

Well, yeah, but I gotta give this back to whoever lost it.

Well, George, whoever he was, he obviously intended it for you. The

your name on it.

That's true.

Well, then, do we understand each other? Well, sure, Michael. We are talking

English. Exactamente.

Adios, amigo.

Larry, you've got a huge octopus behind the jukebox.

All right.

Darryl, grab a pot. I think we got our catch of the day.

Not that kind of octopus. Sorry to go technical on you.

Laymen would call this a lot of wires.

I'm afraid you're going to need electrical work done.

You know, I think I'll rest my circuit tester right here on the table while I

drink my coffee.

Okay, Larry.

You'd better get these violations fixed or we'll have to close you down.

Whoa.

Just as we were starting to do volume business.

I hate to tell you, pose on a customer, but did we hear that you do freelance

repair work?

Perhaps. Why do you ask?

Oh, my.

It's just like they say in the brochure.

Quaint, peaceful.

Hi, welcome to Stratford.

Friendly.

We're the Nelsons. Oh, yes.

Room 7 is ready and waiting for you. It's so nice to get out of the noisy

We're just going to lie down and let the wind and the birds lull us to sleep.

Those darn teenage birds.

I think that's our neighbor's jukebox. I'll take care of it.

Larry, what's going on over there?

You're rewiring.

Can't you find a quieter way of testing your circuits?

No, I don't think Johnny Mathis is the answer.

Larry?

Larry?

Come back here.

What is it?

Oh, Larry's playing disc jockey and I'm phoning in a request that he shut up.

Larry?

Larry, get your tail back here.

Dick! Joanna!

Larry's dead.

What? He's dead, eh? He was talking on the phone, helping me rewire a circuit,

and suddenly there was this big flash, and he lit up like a sparkler. It was

terrible. Oh, my God.

All right, you call the paramedics. I'm going over there.

Oh, my God.

Daryl, is he... Hi.

I'm still Larry.

Harley said you were dead.

I was, but only for two minutes.

You were dead and you came back?

Yeah. I heard a voice calling, urging me back to life.

It kept saying, Larry?

Larry. Larry, get your tail back here.

That was me on the phone. I know.

Even dead, I recognized your choice of syntax.

They're on their way.

Larry.

You're alive.

Hi, Miss Joanna.

Hi, Miss Stephanie.

Larry, are you all right?

Previously dead, but better now, thank you.

It was one of those two -minute deaths.

What was it like?

Well, first, I felt myself floating up outside my body.

Then I looked down and saw myself laying there, dead as a truck -pressed

pheasant.

Next to me was my brother Darryl, swiping my hat.

And my other brother Darryl pulling off my shoes.

Then they started grappling over my coat.

They stole your clothes?

Well, in all fairness, I was dead.

I'd have had to meet my maker like this.

Larry, do you remember anything else?

Well, I noticed a bright light that enveloped me in a feeling of serenity

peace.

It was at least 75 water.

Then I saw a magnificent present beckoning to me with open arms and

love. Larry, that's amazing.

What did this present look like? You know that girl on Facts of Life?

Tootie?

Yeah, kind of like her.

Then what everyone says is true.

Anyway, just as I was getting my heavenly legs, you called me back.

Larry, look, you've had a big day. You rewired the cafe.

You've been dead.

Why don't you go to bed and take it easy?

No. I can't be getting any rest until I've done it.

It? My mission. There's some task you're going to be needing done.

And the reason I'm back on Earth is to do it.

What is it?

Can't say.

Tootie works in mysterious ways.

But I'll know in my gut when I do it.

Wait a minute. You got something on your sweater.

This could be it.

Lent? Nope.

Weren't it.

Larry, do you have any idea when this it is going to happen?

Can't say. Could take a day.

Could take a lifetime.

Weren't it?

Okay,

Dick, I'm ready. Here goes.

It was my considered opinion that the murderer can only be Bjorn the ski

instructor.

The motive? The oldest of all. He couldn't bear to see Lizzie in the arms

Raoul the gardener.

Well?

Well, it looks like Bjorn didn't take this Raoul thing as hard as you thought.

He didn't do it?

No, the real murder is... No, no, no, wait. Don't tell me. I can do this

your help.

Without my help, Bjorn would spend the rest of his life stamping out license

plates for Volvos.

Just give me one more crack at it. Put the solution back in the envelope and

hide it for me again.

I'm Larry.

This is my brother Darryl, and this is my other brother Darryl.

Larry, what are you doing here?

Making certain that whatever it is I have to do for you, don't get done

me.

Go home.

Sorry, I respect you, but I answer to a higher power, Tootie.

Larry, come in here.

The thing you're supposed to do for me is this vase.

It's the most important thing in my life.

I mean, go along with me.

In fact, it's so valuable that I'm terrified of taking it downstairs

where it belongs.

Now, if you could do that for me, then...

You would be doing the thing that you've been brought back from the dead for.

Sounds important, all right.

Okay.

Darryl, here, catch.

Oh, dear.

But don't worry, it weren't it.

The kitchen checks out. I've got to inspect the basement.

George, could you explain this?

It's a citation.

Your apartment is in violation of code.

It was a tiny infraction.

You were siphoning off electricity from other tenants.

The lady above you couldn't even recharge her wheelchair.

George, I thought we had an understanding.

What about?

You remember that $30? That was to encourage you to not look too closely at

fuse box.

But if I didn't look at your fuse box, Michael, I wouldn't have found these

violations and I wouldn't have... Wait a minute. That was a bribe.

Bribe is such an ugly word.

Too bad it's so damned appropriate.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to return your money and I'm going to cite you for

attempting to bribe a fire inspector.

George, stop writing. I've learned my lesson. How much would it cost for you

forget the whole thing?

Larry, maybe the thing you were supposed to do for me is take a lap around the

county.

Worth a shot.

Certainly makes more sense than that crazy vase idea.

Dick, Dick, I think I'm onto something here. Now try to follow me.

Everyone who's ever stayed in room seven was murdered, right?

Right.

Did you hear that?

We're in room seven.

Twelve people hacked a bit inside of a month. And the only person with easy

access to that room was the maid.

I broke one of the yolks. Can you live with it?

Yes, it's perfect.

We love it.

I'll warm up the car.

Bad news, Dick.

I'm going to have to cite you unless you get the basement cleaned up by the

15th.

Okay. George, you have until the 15th to clean up the basement.

Gee, Dick, you're not giving me much time.

I'm kind of busy with these fire inspections.

High potential charred remains.

I couldn't help overhearing you might be in need of my services.

I got this unsolicited letter of recommendation from my last employer.

Harley Esten is a good worker, and in no way do I hold him responsible for my

death.

Well, that's such as it. Looks like you got yourself a job.

Thanks, boss.

Boy, this is my passport to anywhere.

man over there is smoking a cigar.

Why don't you tell him to put it out?

What, and risk having a smoke ring touch my hair?

Well, I guess somebody has to protect the hair of our women folk.

This room will need 15 minutes to air out.

I'll need 30.

Uh, Mr. Jessica, I'm sorry, but we don't permit cigars in the end. Why not?

Well, uh, some of the other guests think they're...

Well, disgusting.

This isn't disgusting.

This is disgusting.

Are we still

going to the drugstore this morning?

Yeah.

Drugs. Of course.

If he had been drugged...

count for the missing ten hours.

Stephanie, I think you can finish clearing away the place now. But I still

smoke. Stephanie, the man put a cigar out a long time ago.

Can't wait!

Oh, my God! Fire!

I told you I smelled smoke.

And, Daryl, if you don't mind medium rare, lunch is ready.

Oh, no.

And I inspected this room.

I'm going to have to turn in my badge.

No, you won't. Here's your culprit.

A carelessly discarded stogie.

Looks like it's got a couple of good puffs left in it.

So does this room. Come on.

I guess I owe you an apology. You kept saying you were called back to life to

me a favor.

And I doubted you.

But if you hadn't been here, we could have lost the end and maybe our lives.

And that's what you were called back to do. And I'm glad that you were here to

do it.

Glad I could help out.

But this weren't it.

Of course it was.

I gotta go with my gut, and my gut's going no way.

Larry, you saved the end. This was it. No, it weren't. Yes, it were.

Nuh -uh.

Larry, you risked your life to save me and the place I love.

No one has ever done such a thing for me in my life.

And I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Now get out!

I'm off the case.

But you're doing a whole nose full of thumbing into metaphysical.

Well, that room's a mess.

Harley, I have some mops and pails in the basement. Come on.

Right behind you, boss.

Gee,

good thing I wasn't right in front of him.

You left your toolbox at the top of the stairs?

In retrospect, it's looking more and more like a bad decision.

Are you all right?

Hold on.

This was it.

What is it? This toolbox.

I was supposed to move it out of harm's way.

That's what Tootie sent me back for.

Larry, at this point, who cares?

Well, how did we get to this point?

When I could have done some good, you kicked me out on my keister.

Come on, Daryl.

Man comes back from the dead with a mission, but will anyone let him do it?

Oh, no.

With the bleach chairs on the sofa and the murderer of Lizzie Poteet had to be

the fat triplet.

That's right.

I must say I'm impressed.

You set your mind to it and you solve the mystery.

Well... You cheated.

But finding where I'd hid the envelope, I mean, that took some pretty good

detective work. You're looking at a world champion hider.

I'm still proud.

Well... What? I didn't exactly find the envelope.

I went to the bookstore and bought another copy of the book.

But you found the bookstore all by yourself.

That's resourceful.

Damn right.

Meow.