Original subtitles

That's it.

They're all coming.

I'm sorry he's just excited because he's having a reunion with his college jazz

band.

All four jazz tones will be together again after 25 years.

Apparently he's still excited.

Dick, will this reunion be a bunch of grown men carrying on like college kids?

If we're lucky.

You know, some of the wildest times I've ever had in my life were with the Jazz

Tones.

One time, Sheik and I... Sheik?

Yeah, he was a real, real lady killer.

You know, when he played his sax and did his pelvic thrust, well... Honey,

just remember that you're married, okay?

Anyway, one time, Sheik and I took Hogg... Hold it.

Someone actually let you call him Hogg?

Well, what else are you going to call a guy who, on a bet, scarfed down five

pizzas, a rack of ribs, two dozen donuts, and a bicycle seat?

What did Sheik and Hogg call you?

Slats.

Must be a zany story behind that.

Well, I always wanted a nickname, and we just made that one up.

But, I mean, if you want to talk crazy... Our piano player was the

king of the looms.

I mean, he was a natural leader of men. He could get a food fight started at the

Vatican.

I almost don't want to know what you called him.

Phil.

Well, he was beyond nicknames.

Wait till you see his entrance. He may come in swinging on a rope. He may come

down the chimney.

You may find him buck naked in our shower.

Dick. Are you still closing the inn next weekend because your annoying friends

from college are coming?

Uh, no.

Then I'm going to go to Boston to get away from them. No, you're not.

You'll still have to wait on Dick's friends.

Oh, Poe.

Hi, all.

With an extra kiss -kiss to one in particular.

Please let it be me.

I was referring to my wonder wench.

Save it, Michael.

We can't go to Boston. I'm about as depressed as I get.

Would a fancy lunch and an afternoon of compliments cheer you up?

Yeah.

Boy, do we know how to cope with crises?

As long as we're together, you'll never catch us throwing away money on

analysis.

Yeah, you're the mental health poster kids.

One thing before you go. I'm having a slight negative cash flow problem. Could

you see yourself clear to make me liquid again?

Sure, go in the kitchen and hop in the blender.

Need I explain? I meant cash.

Michael, I don't want to let money mess up this great relationship that we have.

Kiss, kiss.

Hi, Michael.

George.

You and I are close friends, aren't we?

No.

I like you, but we really don't spend enough time together to be considered

close. Yeah, well, but we have a relationship, you and I. Not really.

We never go anywhere together.

We don't have a single thing in common.

Right. And you wouldn't be able to lend me $500 until next week.

Sure.

Why not? I trust you.

George, I think you and I are going to be great friends.

You mean we'll have long talks and go places together?

Well, let's not OD on each other.

Excuse me, maybe you didn't see the sign outside. We're closed this weekend.

Clats!

Hog? Sheik?

Sheik?

Oh, sure, sure. You know, I was just fooling around.

Same old slats. You haven't changed a bit.

Well, you haven't either.

Slats? I've lost 120 pounds.

Except for that.

And I've started to get a little bald spot on top.

Really?

Is Phil here yet? No. Oh, great.

We got here in time for his entrance. Have you checked the shower?

My friend and handyman, George.

George, this is Al Sheik -Fraser, and this is Walter Hogg Ambrose. Oh, I've

heard so much about you guys.

Dick said when you were together, a minute never went by without something

happening.

Well, I guess we better get the rest of our luggage. Oh, that's okay.

I'll take care of it.

So far, they've been a letdown, Dick.

Oh, this is my wife, Joanna.

Here they are, Sheik and Hogg.

Nice try, Dick.

Hi, Hogg.

Hi, Sheik.

Dick told me you guys are always fooling around like this.

No, really, I'm Sheik, he's Hogg. Oh, stop.

Honey, we're not kidding.

Oh, sorry.

got a weekend planned. What do you want to do first? Eat, drink, or swing from

the rafters? I'd like to take a nap.

Oh, that's a good idea.

You're serious?

Well, sure, sure. You know, I'm going to get some rest, but be down here for

dinner because we're cooking up a real gut buster. Oh, yeah, well, that reminds

me. Here is a list of my dietary requirements.

I can't eat anything that's difficult to digest.

I'll show you to your rooms.

Well, I hope there's a phone in mine.

I gotta call my wife.

Oh, tell me about the missus. She must be some knockout to a corral, does she?

Oh, not now, Slats. I was supposed to call her ten minutes ago.

I gotta hurry before the grace period ends.

Are they a couple of crazy nut buckets or what?

Here, let me help you with that.

What's in here, anyway?

It's a brand -new color TV with remote control and stereo sound. Michael bought

it for me.

Oh.

Oh, he did. Well, uh, gee, it must be your birthday or something.

No, he bought it for my favorite reason, because I saw it and went... George,

will you hook it up to the antenna for me?

Uh, sweet knees, let's not impose on George now. He can hook it up tomorrow.

Isn't he considerate?

Where are you going, George?

Up to my room to watch my old fuzzy black and white mono TV with no remote

control.

Kind of a cynical old guy, isn't he?

Well, Slats, that was a terrific meal. Yeah, my special diet sure didn't cramp

Joanna's cooking.

Yeah, Joanna could always, uh...

Make up a mean platter of rice and strained pears.

It's too bad it's not sitting too well.

I think I overdid it on the milk.

Yeah, I was gonna say something.

Remember the time that Phil rode the swivel chair?

One of those there.

Anthropon, stomach relaxer.

You ever tried diazodine?

I use it for my back spasms. Sure, I always carry some.

But you know what's really good? Guys, why don't we just set out a buffet?

Come on, guys. What do you do for fun these days?

You know, I've gotten into something a little crazy.

Yeah? Model railroading.

You have these little buildings and trees, even tiny people.

And if you're not careful... that train can go flying off that track and doing a

whole mess of damage.

That's a... That's a big responsibility.

Well, uh, I tried a bunch of home hobbies.

And then I felt I needed something more.

Something to get me out of the house and into the world.

All right, Sheik.

So I joined a gardening club.

This was fun.

Well, the only thing that can top this is to play some music.

But Phil's not here yet. Yeah, but he will be. And if he walks through that

naked, he's going to want something to dance to.

All right, let's give it a go.

Good. I can't wait to hear you guys play. Dick was always telling me how

the band was.

Okay, let's try the start of something big.

Okay, Cheek, make the tell this talk.

I'm back.

Oh, dear. Cheek.

First my stomach, now Cheek's back.

This crazy weekend of yours is going to kill us.

I'll be okay.

Okay, that's it. I'm going to find out what's keeping Phil. It's still early on

the coast. Maybe his office knows where he is. I'll be okay. Somebody please

reach in my pocket and give me two blues and one yellow.

Hello, I'm calling about Phil Bradley. We're having a reunion in Vermont.

Could you tell him to hurry on down? We need a massive injection of silly.

I see.

When?

Thank you.

Well, when's he going to get here?

Oh, it could be a while.

Phil died three weeks ago.

You still can't sleep?

No.

Well, honey, losing a friend is tough.

Yeah, but that's...

Even though Phil's dead, I mean, he's still the liveliest member of the Jazz

Toms.

Dick, don't say that.

Joanna, people I remember as total wild men have gotten bald, henpecked, and

think gardening is living on the edge.

Well, Dick, everybody gets older.

I'm better at this wide awake.

I want to face it, my glory days are behind me.

I remember when I used to climb stairs two at a time.

Now it's one by one.

Soon I'll need one of those little chairs right up the banister.

Honey, you're forgetting the positive things about getting older.

You have security, accomplishments.

With this...

Maybe I'd better go back to bed.

What's this all about, Sweat? Yeah, getting up before eight screws up my

regularity.

Just because Phil is gone doesn't mean it's all over for the jazz tomes.

You're not going to make us play again.

No, but we have to do something.

What?

Anything.

Wouldn't you like to do something that made you feel like... like you did in

old days, something wild and insane?

Well, would our insurance cover it?

You're missing the point.

Listen, if you don't do it for me, do it for Phil, in honor of

what he meant to us.

Well, what kind of thing do you want to do?

Anything. I mean, you guys decide, as long as it's wild and exciting.

I was thinking of something with a little more of an element of risk.

Let's eat Mexican.

I don't think you've got the right spirit yet. Think danger, risk, water

Keeping in mind we're in Vermont in winter.

Slipping! Wait, but he had tobogganing. Really?

Yeah, it's perfect. It's exhilarating, it's exciting, and there's a place just

few miles from here.

You know, I feel nuttier already. Me too.

The jazz tones are back in action.

I'll bring plenty of antacids in case we stop for food. Yeah.

We want to take a run.

You guys look kind of old for this sort of thing.

Hey, we're the jazz tones.

Jazz tones?

Meet the Widowmaker.

Will you put those away?

Okay, you start right here on Whiplash Way.

Then you hit parallel. point, shoot into the slingshot, and then slip under

guillotine bridge.

It'd help if you ducked there.

That sounds good.

For a start.

You are the jazz tone.

Okay, what's your pleasure?

Lightning, rocket, or pokey?

Lightning.

Flats. Pokey sounds kind of cute.

It got its name when someone took a branch in the eye.

Lightning it is.

Slats, this is dangerous.

They wouldn't let you do this if it were dangerous.

You'll have to sign this waiver.

We fully release the management from all liability for any death or injury,

including but not limited to the loss of limbs.

And or head.

Yeah, we had to add that last one.

Our heads!

All right, so there's an element of risk.

But that's the whole point.

To do something daring. Something that lets us know we're alive.

And dying's gonna do that?

My wife married me for my looks.

She'll kill me if what's left winds up on a tree.

Listen, guys, if you chicken out now, you'll have to admit to yourselves that

you're old and old is less.

We can admit that.

Old is less.

Okay. Can we go now?

Guys.

For Phil.

bump into you here, I would have brought the money I owe you.

Oh, that's okay.

It'll keep.

Thanks.

Boy, if you ever open a bank, you can count on a lot of loan business from

guy.

My car is gone.

You're kidding. What did it look like? You know my car, George. It's a red mint

condition Turbo Z.

Did it have a distinctive...

Where did you get that?

Same place I got this.

My custom -spoked hubcap with curb cutters.

You took the pine tree and hubcaps off my car?

Among other things.

Oh, no.

One of those things from the engine.

George, I want those back, and I want them now.

Well, they are yours, Michael.

For $500.

expect me to pay $500 for a deodorant, a hubcap, and a smudgy black thing?

Well, maybe not.

But what if I threw in one of these?

Forget it. I don't need any of those things.

Now, where's the rest of my car?

In the garage.

Of course, if you drive without a door, you could freeze to death.

But then you'd warm up as soon as the engine explodes.

you a check. Fine.

We'll go to the bank and cash it.

You better take my car.

Well, let me tell you something, George. This is the last time I ever borrow

money from you.

I know.

You did a dangerous thing like that without telling me first?

Damn right.

That's what you get when you marry a jazz tone.

What a ride!

That was the greatest 20 feet of my life.

You only went 20 feet?

Careening wildly.

We were thrown off the course at the first curve and we crashed.

head, headlong into this snowbank.

Yeah, it was like running right into a big comforter.

Yeah, only we didn't know that until we careened wildly into it.

Yeah, it was, uh, it was scary.

Yeah, but exciting.

Oh, look at this.

I was supposed to call my wife 27 minutes ago.

Could someone help me to the couch? I don't think I can walk it. Oh, my God.

While you guys have been celebrating, this man is obviously hurt. Oh, no, no,

no. This had nothing to do with the toboggan.

Afterwards, we did something that took even more guts.

We ate Mexican.