All language subtitles for newhart_s03e07_poor_reception

Here are your eggs.

They may be cold. I was on the phone.

Funny eggs, George?

Just thinking about my crazy friend
Dutch. He did it to me again.

What did he do this time?

We were having dinner last night in this
real fancy restaurant.

Well, I went over to put money in the
jukebox.

While I was gone, Dutch poured milk all
over my dinner.

George, that sounds terrible.

Well, thank goodness you can't ruin
steak.

George, he's always pulling that sort of
thing on you. Don't you ever want to

get back at him? Dick, revenge is
childish.

Honey, sometimes you have to fight milk
with milk.

Peter.

Miss.

All right, you want a juice? And
breakfast.

One thing at a time.

I wonder if I could pull a trick on
Dutch.

Nah, I could never fool him. I don't
think I could fool anybody.

Oh, sure you could, George. Dick.

Well, you ought to try. You might
surprise yourself.

George, can I have the salt? Sure.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Gotcha! George, you ruined my breakfast.

You said I could do it, and I did.

Thanks, Dick.

You've given me hope.

Pepper?

Hi, all.

Hi.

Got a cup of decaf for a hungry soldier?

Dick, here's that material on Sunday's
guest. Oh, thank you.

Here you are.

Oh, and could you put sugar in it?

Michael,

would you care for some breakfast?

I'd love to, but I can't stay.

I'm interviewing receptionists.

Interviewing receptionists?

For what?

For receptionists.

We need one at the station.

Well, I'm off.

What does your receptionist do?

Well, basically, she answers the phones
and puts on a pretty face for the

public. Miss, could I have some more
coffee? Michael, I want that job.

What about your job here? Yeah.

This job sounds better.

Well, no offense, Dick, but if I was a
receptionist, I'd earn more money, I'd

get to wear nice clothes when I work,
I'd be around you all the time, and I

wouldn't have to stick my hands in
anything porcelain.

What do you say?

Well, it's fine with me, but what
about... Oh, Dick and Joanna, you guys

responsible for every good thing that's
ever happened to me. You gave me a home

when I didn't have one, and a job when
no one else would, and you even

introduced me to Michael.

I just wish there was something I could
do to show you how much I appreciate it,

but there isn't, so I quit, okay?

Sentiment like that is thanks enough.

Well, then let's do it.

And you can start first thing in the
morning, Miss Vanderkeller. See you

Mr. Harris.

Oh, Michael!

My very own name.

This calls for a kiss.

Oh, a TV.

It's the news.

I hate it too, Steph. Just a bunch of
Captain Bringdowns.

Well, what else is on? Whoa, Steph,
don't touch that dial. This is Channel

this must always be Channel 8.

Well, can you tell them to stop doing
the news?

I can ask.

Oh, now, this is sort of your command
module.

Basically, the job is meeting and
greeting the public. When people come

out who they are, send them where
they're going, and then give them one of

patented Stephanie smiles.

Well, as they say in show business,
let's start work.

The process continues as the experiment
has not yet been completed.

One gerbil had locked the plane's
bathroom and the scientist has not yet

able to come to town.

And now, for the WPIV editorial, here's
news director Philip Jenkins.

Hi. Welcome to Channel 8.

Hi.

I'm Steve.

I'm supposed to be on your news program
and I'm late.

Where do I go?

Oh, that's easy. It's down the hall and
to the left.

Thanks, miss.

Michael, call for you in line one.

You're welcome.

Hi, it's me.

Yeah, I am a scam.

Could you come out here for a minute,
please?

Very important.

What is it, Steph? Time for your mid
-morning kiss.

Steph, you turn the volume down.

Let the voice of Steve be heard!

Michael!

Hi, Dick. Welcome to Channel 8.

Hi. Hi, Stephanie. How am I doing?

I just got here.

I know.

What do they have on? Tag team
wrestling?

Let go of my foot!

How can you let go of my hair?

That's Michael. And Steve.

Not Steve.

Steph.

What?

Now, don't be defensive.

But you can't just let every crazy off
the street into the studio. Part of your

job is to screen people.

Normal people like me and Dick, you let
in.

Very crazy people.

Like Steve.

You call the police.

Okay? Are you unhappy with me? No,
otherwise you're doing terrific.

Right.

Welcome to Channel 8 was right on the
money.

Hi, Joy. Any luck finding the new maid?
No, the ad ran in the paper this

morning, but nothing yet.

What's all this?

I finally figured a way to get Dutch.

We're going bowling this afternoon. Now,
picture this.

First chance I get, real casual, like
I'll say, Dutch, a piece of gum?

Sure, I'll have some gum.

That was Dutch talking.

Oh, oh, is that hot?

It's pepper gum.

Then, when he looks around for something
to drink, I'll give him this.

Thanks, buddy.

Get it? It's a dribble glass.

Now, he's got juice all over him, and
when he looks around for something to

it off with, I'll say, here, use my
handkerchief.

You're a lifesaver, George.

But it's a gag handkerchief.

Now, his shirt's all stained, his hands
and face are black, and his mouth is

burning. Is he going to look like a fool
or what?

Yes.

Nice. That's all I wanted to know.

Harley? Harley Heston?

Hi, Joanna.

Hi, Beaver brother.

Hi, Harley. You're looking good. Well,
thanks.

You too.

Can I do something for you? Oh,
actually, I'm here to see Joanna.

Okay. Then I better go find some
turpentine. They say this stuff is

to get off.

What is it, Harley?

Well, I saw your ad in the paper, and
I'm applying for the position.

Of maid?

Yep, I'm your man.

But I thought you had a job.

Yeah, I was in door -to -door sales.

But a surprising number of people don't
like to buy veal door -to -door.

Really? Anyway,

when that fell through, I got kind of
despondent.

But then I saw your ad and it was like a
beacon.

Harley, do you know anything at all
about being a maid? No.

Why, is that a job requirement?

Well, kind of.

Oh, dear.

I suppose now if I told you I knew all
about it, you'd know something was

Yes. But I can learn. Every bird has to
fly for the first time.

Except penguins.

Harley, this doesn't seem... I work real
hard. I know. I'm all for life to be

around. Harley, I'm sorry.

I just don't think it'll work out.

Oh, that's okay.

I guess in this world, somebody's got to
be the penguin.

You want to talk to Michael?

Could I ask who's calling?

Mimi?

He's not in.

Oh. As a general rule, he's not in for
anyone named Mimi.

I'm sorry, I don't have time to take a
message. I have to get back to my

That was pretty rude, wasn't it?

She certainly was.

Excuse me.

You can't go in there.

I beg your pardon?

Every crazy on the street is trying to
get in here.

I'm under specific instructions to keep
them out.

Do I look crazy to you?

I guess not.

Though I can't explain that dress.

For your information, I paid $200 for
this dress.

Then you are crazy.

You can't go in there without me.

Who are you?

I'm Stephanie.

The receptionist. Who hired you? My
boyfriend. Who's your boyfriend?

Who wants to know? The station manager.

Do you work for him? I am him.

I have to go to the ladies' room.

Michael!

Stephanie?

Oh, hi, friend.

I like the peekaboo look.

Your girlfriend is a dreadful
receptionist.

And she tore my dress. Dump her.

Fran, I'm not sure those sound like
reasons to break up with the girl. Well,

don't care if you break up with her.

I just want you to fire her.

Oh.

Oh.

interview questions for microbiologist
Dr.

Georgia Duckett.

Question number one.

Tell me Georgia

Georgia

have a problem.

Really? What is it? Fran says I've got
to fire Stephanie.

Michael, that doesn't sound like a
problem we have.

What happened? How should I know? We're
probably into the incompetence thing.

Dick, I can't fire my steady.

Well, it isn't going to be easy. She
loves it here.

You don't suppose you could offer her a
massive raise to come back as a maid?

Then I'd be into the incompetence thing.

Dick, if I fire her, she'll hate me. She
won't hate you.

I mean, not if your relationship has any
depth or maturity.

Well, Dick, now you're just scaring me.

Michael, there's some things you just
have to work out for yourself.

Thanks a lot, Dick. You can buy pillows
that say that.

Where was I?

Rewind.

What a first day in the job.

Yeah, I hope you aren't too
disappointed.

Are you kidding? I love this place.

You do?

Didn't you talk to Michael?

Yeah, just now.

Isn't it exciting?

What is?

That I've been promoted.

Promoted to what?

Your secretary.

Right.

Would you wait here for just a second?

Michael!

Michael!

Michael!

Michael!

Yeah?

You are the lowest form of life. Do you
know that? You're a miserable, sneaky,

conniving coward.

Problem, Dick?

You know it. You told Stephanie she was
going to be my secretary.

Well, correct me if I'm wrong, Dick, but
haven't you been begging for a

secretary? Not Stephanie.

Why not? She's an experienced
receptionist.

She's been a receptionist for 90
minutes.

I'll tell you what. Why don't you just
give her a chance? No.

Well, then I guess you'll just have to
fire her.

No way you fire her. Dick, I can't. I
know Stephanie.

Lips that give notice will never touch
hers.

Basically, you've got a lot less to
lose.

Look, I'm not going to be the one to
fire her so you can have happy lips.

Great, then she'll stay.

She can't. She'll keep showing up here
every day at the office and we'll still

have a problem.

Gotta be honest with you, Dick. It
doesn't seem like a problem we have.

Stephanie, I think we better... What are
you doing?

I'm typing up your notes for you.

What notes?

Georgia?

You don't have to do that. Oh, I don't
mind. I'm fulfilling myself.

This morning, receptionist, and now
secretary to an on -air personality.

This is great.

I finally found something I'm good at.

Georgie on my mink?

Stephanie,

maybe you still haven't found that
elusive something you're good at.

What do you mean, Dick?

What I mean is you're not going to be my
secretary.

I'm not.

No. Am I going to be promoted again?

No. Then what am I going to be?

Um, fired.

What?

Michael was supposed to fire you as
receptionist.

Michael wanted to fire me?

No, the station manager told him to, but
he couldn't do it, so he hired you as

my secretary.

Oh.

Well, who's making you fire me? The
station manager?

Uh, no.

Not Michael?

No.

Well, that certainly narrows it down.

Michael was supposed to fire you in the
first place.

But he's too much of a man to do your
dirty work.

Well, I hope you're happy.

You're to blame for all this.

I don't have a job.

I have no money.

I have no future.

And I have a great year!

Stephanie, please don't cry.

There's nothing sadder than a perky
blonde on the skin.

Look, how about you come back to the inn
and work for us?

as the maid.

But I've done that.

Not really.

I can't go back to maid's work.

That was just taking orders.

Here at the station, I had
responsibility.

But here at the station, you don't have
a job.

I have my memories.

How... about me giving you a raise, say
10%. I don't want your guilt money.

It's not guilt money. We need you. I
mean, the place hasn't been the same

you left this morning.

You're just saying that. No, no, no, I'm
not. You're the best gosh

darn maid we've ever had.

So you really do need me?

Yeah.

Then I'm worth more than 10%. Make it 15
and you've got me.

I guess I got you.

Oh, bye!

I'm going to take Michael out to dinner
to celebrate and to thank him for

standing up for me.

I'll use my first week's raise, so...

It'll be kind of your treat.

Hi, I'm back. Hi, Stephanie. How was
your first day?

As what? A receptionist, thick
secretary, or your new maid?

Our new maid?

Yeah. I'm really back.

How did this happen?

Honey, it was awful. Stephanie's a
terrible receptionist. Michael stuck me

the job of firing her. And I just didn't
have the heart to not take her back

here. Well, I understand, Dick, but
there is a problem.

What? I hired a maid today. Now, don't
worry. It was just on a trial basis, and

it's not working out. But I can't bring
myself to do the firing, could you? I

can't. Oh, please, Dick.

Honey, one firing a day is enough. This
one is yours.

Okay, I'll try.

hey boss Joanna said

you wanted to speak to me

Meow.