Original subtitles

Excuse me, Joanna. Is that the morning paper?

Yes, it is. Can I have the financial section?

Sure, why?

I want to spit out my gum.

Hi, everybody.

Oh, there you are. You worked down for breakfast this morning.

Oh, I'm sorry, Joanna. I guess I should have told you.

Something terrible has happened.

Can I have the rest of the day off? Of course. What's the matter? Yeah, why are

you wearing the dark glasses? Have you been crying?

Yes. Stephanie, what's wrong?

It's just this whole year.

I've had an unbelievable string of bad luck.

First my marriage broke up, and then my family cut me off, and... Now

this.

What?

You mean that pimple?

You're upset about that?

Joanne, I've never had a pimple in my life. It's nothing to be concerned

Oh, yeah? What if it never stops growing?

I only saw it for a second, but it didn't look that big.

Well, it looks big to me.

It's going to look plenty big to anybody I might be flirting with.

What am I talking about?

How can you flirt with anybody with a walnut on your nose?

Not a walnut.

Well, it's more like a raisin.

I really wouldn't worry about it. Well, I'm not going to let anybody see me like

this. I'm going to go out and buy every skin care product I can find.

And then on the way back, I'm going to stop by a church and light a candle.

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. I never had a pimple. You are lucky.

I had warts.

I had corns, I had ringworm, but I never had a pimple.

That's good.

Yeah, I had cold sores, I had liver spots, I had boils, but I never had a

pimple.

What have you had?

Enough of this conversation.

Ah, George, just the man I wanted to see. Hi, Gert. Not now, this is

George, I need a favor from you.

You're on the business permit committee with the town council? I am? Yeah, and

the thing is... What's the business permit committee? It's a committee that

votes on whether or not to allow new businesses into town.

How come no one ever told me I was on the committee? Probably because there

haven't been any new businesses.

How long have I been on the committee?

I don't know. Probably since it was formed. When was that?

1685. You've been on the committee 300 years. What's the difference?

The point is there's a new business trying to get into town, and if it does,

it's going to wipe me out. What business is that?

Rocket Burger. It's this huge fast food chain.

Their motto is, every seven seconds, someone dies, someone gives birth, and

someone eats a Rocket Burger.

George, tomorrow night, there's going to be a special town council meeting, and

they're going to ask for a vote.

I'm asking you to vote no.

In fact, I'm willing to pay for that vote.

Kirk, I'm not going to take your money.

Then what are you going to do? I'm going to go to the council meeting, hear both

sides of the argument, and base my decision on whatever I think is right.

insane. Is Dick in his study? No, the floor was just waxed. He's in the dining

room. But he's working.

I'm not going to bother him.

Dick, stop working. I'm not going to stop working. Come on, don't be rude.

What are you doing? Don't worry, I'm not going to ask for some outrageous favor.

What do you want?

I want you to fire George if he doesn't do what I ask.

Hear me out.

Listen, Rocket Burger is coming to town and you may be the only person to stop

it. You're speaking, of course, of my famous anti -Rocket Burger Ray.

I'm serious, Dick. If Rocket Burger moves in, my business is finished.

no way I can compete with them.

What do you want me to do? George is on the permit committee. You've got to make

him vote no.

I'm not going to tell George how to vote.

But he listens to you. He respects you.

you can twist his mind easier than wind bends a tree.

Forget it, Kirk. I'm not going to tell him how to vote.

All right, Dick.

Let's put George aside for a second.

Let's talk to his neighbors.

As members of a quaint New England community where children walk by white

fences to red brick schoolhouses and Sundays after services in the old

church people gather in the historic town square or the...

rustic band show and celebrate the last vestiges of Americana.

And picture in the middle of this a 35 -foot aluminum rocket ship sitting

upright on its tail with a red neon rocket burger sign revolving around its

cone.

I mean, is this what you want for your town, Dick? A big flying saucer that

smells like french fries?

It's not what I want.

I don't think it's what Joanna wants. And if George had a brain, I don't think

it'd be what he'd want.

I'm not condoning Rocketburger, but I'm not going to strong -arm George.

Well, will you at least agree to be on my side at the council meeting?

Well, I've always considered myself on the side of small business, and I

certainly qualify for that.

I guess that puts me on your side.

Will you sit with me at the meeting?

I'll even sit with you at the meeting. Will you give a speech?

If need be. Kirk, I will do whatever you want, if it'll help.

George,

Joanna, get in here!

Dick, I'm not going to forget this.

This may be the biggest thing you've ever done for me.

do you want, Kirk? I just want you to know that you are married to a giant of

man. Thank you.

Okay, everybody, sit down. We might as well get started.

On behalf of the permit committee, I call this special town council meeting

order.

Now, as you all know, we're here tonight to hear the arguments for allowing

Rocket Burger to open a franchise in our town.

Representing those opposed to this idea will be Kirk Devane, owner of the

Minuteman Cafe, and his neighbor, Dick Loudon, owner of the Stratford Inn.

Representing Rocketburger is the vice president in charge of marketing and one

heck of a nice guy. We were just talking to him before the meeting.

John Payne.

We'll begin by hearing the arguments against the move. Who wants to start?

Well, maybe I'll start.

Ladies and gentlemen, I did not come here to oppose Rocket Burger, which as

organization will continue to flourish regardless of your decision here

But rather I came to defend the small businessman, the individual,

the unsung hero who...

in my opinion, is a true backbone of the American way of life.

And who, I feel, stands to lose a great deal based on your decision here

tonight.

Thank you, Dick.

Chester, I'm not finished.

I'm sorry.

I would like to go on record as opposing this permit.

I do not believe that the...

Small businessmen should be pushed aside by giant conglomerates who take no

interest in the community other than what it can do for them.

Mr. Loudon, I think I'd have to object to that statement.

Would you?

When my wife and I moved here from New York, we wanted to fit into the

community. Can Rocket Burger make that same claim, Payne?

Yes, we can.

You call erecting a 35 -foot aluminum rocket ship fitting in to the community?

Mr. Loudon, we feel our rocket ship enhances any area where it's placed,

it be a big city intersection or a tranquil town square.

May we see the model, please?

Ladies and gentlemen, members of the committee,

Let me see. That was Hardy, George, Chester, and Emma, wasn't it?

Wow.

Rocketburger always tries to enrich the communities we land in.

And would you kindly tell Hardy, George, Chester, and Emma exactly how you plan

to do that?

By building a youth activity center, buying band uniforms for both the high

school and the junior high school, and making a generous donation to your

community welfare board.

Wow.

Please, don't think of yourselves as being lost in the arms of big business.

Think of yourselves as being... embraced.

That's nice.

Well, Mr. Payne, you've certainly given us something to think about.

Dick, did you want to say anything in rebuttal?

Only that we ask ourselves the question, can we be bought?

I, for one, cannot.

What about you?

Well, the committee will adjourn to make a recommendation.

But I can tell you right now, looks awfully good.

Why doesn't everybody grab a fast cup of coffee? We shouldn't be long.

Well, Dick, I'm ruined.

As soon as Rocket Burger moves in, I'm out on the street.

That hasn't happened yet.

When it does, can I live with you?

If that happens and you need some place to stay for a while.

But we're both too upset to think rationally.

Excuse me.

Nice speech.

Dick, isn't it? Yeah.

Well, how do you think it's going in there?

Well, if all face support is any indication, I would say you're in pretty

shape.

You know, Mr. Devane, it's Kirk, right?

I wouldn't feel too badly if I were you.

Oh, you wouldn't, huh? No, you stand to come out very well in this thing.

How's that?

Well, we market test an area rather thoroughly before we decide on a site.

And our research indicates that the best location in town for our restaurant is

on the site of your cafe.

My cafe?

You're kidding.

No. In fact, it's really the only site we're interested in.

So you see, we'll want to buy you out.

And believe me, we will be more than fair.

Wait a minute. If he doesn't sell, then there's no Rocket Burger?

That's right.

That's great.

Yeah. How soon do you want me out?

I don't want to hear this. You're going to hear this.

What are you doing? What happens to community and van stands and white

fences and preserving Americana? What is going on?

Let him tell you. I'm too upset to talk.

Oh, come on. You've been whining all the way home.

George, what are they talking about?

Well, the committee voted to give Rocket Burger a business permit, but then it

turned out the only place Rocket Burger is willing to build is on the site of

Kirk's Cafe.

Which Kirk is going to sell to them.

You mean there's going to be a Rocket Burger right next door?

Only if the town council accepts the committee's recommendation.

Which you know they will do.

I'm going to be rich. I'm going to be rich.

do this? Didn't you ever think of us? Yeah, I don't want to have a 35 -foot

aluminum rocket ship next door to the Stratford Inn. Why not? It would be

for you guys. People drive up, stuff themselves, then they need a place to

down. You'll be swamped. We'll all be rich.

I don't want to be rich. All I want is a nice, quiet inn in a nice, quiet town.

I thought that's what you wanted, too. That was what I wanted, but now I want

money more.

Whatever happened to being good neighbors?

We're not going to be neighbors. I'm moving.

Okay, you go and sell out. But before you go, let me tell you one thing. Don't

ever come to me for help again because from this moment on, our friendship is

over.

Stupid face again?

I don't think so.

Why not?

Do you realize what this is going to mean for us? You're not going to have to

work anymore.

Better yet, I'm not going to have to work anymore.

Kirk, are you sure you're doing the right thing?

Cindy, we stayed up half the night talking about this. What did I say?

You just kept saying, I'm going to be rich, I'm going to be rich.

I am. How can that not be the right thing?

Okay, have you thought about what you're going to do after you sell the cafe?

That's the great thing about being rich. I can do anything I want.

So? do you want to do? I don't know.

That's my point. You haven't given this any thought.

Well, why do I have to decide this now? I'll find something to do. I mean, I'll

open another business.

What kind of business?

God, all these questions. I don't know. I'll take skiing. I'll grow wine. I'll

make things out of shells.

What's the difference? At least I'll be out of this stupid cafe.

And into some other business you don't care about.

Kirk, what's the most important thing that's happened to you since you've been

in this town?

Finding you.

Good answer.

What second?

Oh, I guess the one Christmas Eve when I was alone. I went out to

church by myself and I found ten bucks in the pew.

I was thinking about your friendship with Dick.

Oh.

You told me he's the only real friend you've ever had.

Are you really going to give that up?

Cindy, there's something you should know about me and Dick.

All those times I told you we were best friends?

Well, he never said I was his best friend.

I only said that.

The truth is, I don't think Dick ever thought of me as a friend at all.

Well, maybe the reason he didn't is because you were always doing things

this.

I was hoping there'd be a better turnout.

Yeah, people seem to like you.

Maybe that's why they're staying home. They don't want to vote against me.

Maybe they all broke out.

By the way, Stephanie, I appreciate your coming in your condition.

Well, good evening, George.

Evening, Dick.

Dick, I don't think I've had the pleasure of meeting your lovely family.

my wife, that's our maid.

Hi, John Payne, pleasure to meet you. Nice to meet you, Mr. Payne. Hi, how are

you, John Payne?

She's awkward with strangers.

And she has a pimple.

Listen, Dick, I just wanted to say that regardless of what happens tonight, I

hope that when this is all over, we'll become good neighbors.

I hope you understand I didn't object to a restaurant next to the inn.

It's just I had a problem with it, you know, being a spaceship.

I understand.

But you're going to build it anyway.

Absolutely. Well, it was good seeing you, Dick, George.

And it was nice meeting you, Mrs. Loudon. Nice meeting you, too. And nice

meeting you, too, young lady.

Everyone take your seats. We're ready to begin.

On behalf of the permit committee, I call this special meeting to order.

The committee has heard arguments for and against the Rocket Burger being

in this town and has recommended to the town council that Rocket Burger be

granted a permit.

It's now time to put this to a public vote. So without further ado, all those

favor of granting the permit, raise your hands and say aye.

Aye.

All those opposed, raise your hands and say nay.

Nay. Motion is carried.

Let the record show... Well,

there's no one here to record this, but we'll just try to remember it.

That Rocket Burger is now granted permission to operate in this town.

And with that, I understand from Mr. Payne that Rocket Burgers will be served

the lobby for everyone.

Oh, boy.

Everybody?

Would you please not leave yet?

This matter isn't quite settled.

What are you talking about, Kirk?

Mr. Payne, am I right that if I don't sell the Minuteman, then you're not

to come into this town after all?

Well, yes, that's correct, but I understood that you were going to sell.

whether I am or not, the point is it's my decision, right?

I suppose so.

Kirk, what are you doing?

I've been doing a lot of thinking, Dick, and I realized something.

I'm in a town I like living in.

I have someone who loves me.

And up until yesterday, I had great friends next door.

On the other hand, I have a great opportunity, but I don't think I could

if I thought it was going to hurt my best friend.

So I guess the thing I need to know before I say the thing I think I'm going

say is... Are you my best friend?

What?

I won't sell the Minuteman Cafe if you say you're my best friend.

No.

You won't? No.

your best friend.

Say it with me.

That's good enough.

Just hug me.

What? Hug me or I sell.

I'll, uh, I'll shake your hand.

Fair enough.

Dick's my best friend. I'm not selling. What?

He said he's not selling. Go home.

picture of me with my best friend.

Everybody smile.

Meow.