All language subtitles for newhart_s02e05_the_girl_from_manhattan

Why are you being so stubborn? I'm not
being stubborn. I'm just saying no.

Why won't anybody in this inn ever do a
favor for me?

What are you guys talking? I want to
borrow George's truck and he won't let

I won't let you because you're a
terrible driver.

You don't know that. You've never even
ridden with me.

Why do you need George's truck? I
wrecked my car.

You're not getting my truck and that's
fine.

Fine. Then our friendship is over.

Dick, give me your car.

I can't. Joanna's at a community theater
meeting. I promised I'd pick her up.

Why do you need a car tonight anyway?

Because I have a date and I'd rather not
pick her up on a bicycle.

Well, if nobody needs me to do anything,
I'm going to drive into town and try

out my new sweater.

How do you try out a new sweater?

Well, you walk down the street and see
if anybody asks you out.

Can I give you a lift?

Sure, thanks.

Mind if we use your car?

Oh, I better get going.

So Joanna's going to be in a play, huh?
I guess. You know, I was in a play once.

Oh, really? Yeah, it was a Christmas
pageant.

I played a shepherd.

Sounds like a good part.

Shepherd Bill.

Okay, good idea.

Okay, now, the next order of business is
refreshments for the intermission.

Chester, can we count on Dora making her
hot cider again this year? Oh, yes,

she's already laying in a supply of
cinnamon sticks.

What about your brownies, Shirley?

They'll be here. If I don't eat them all
first.

I'll take care of the programs.

Good, then we're all set there.

What about tickets?

Do you like to handle that this year,
Joanna?

No. Well, I mean, I will, but that's not
why I was raising my hand.

I had a question.

Oh, what's that?

Well, we've been sitting here for over
an hour talking about publicity and

refreshments and all that, but I haven't
heard anyone mention what play we're

going to do.

Oh, we're going to do the same play we
always do.

Oh, what play is that?

My Fair Lady.

You do My Fair Lady every year? Since
1956.

I'm Henry Higgins.

I'm Colonel Pickering.

And we were hoping that this year you'd
be Eliza. Me?

Eliza Doolittle?

But that's the lead.

Clara Mosby usually does Eliza, but she
can't get around much anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered.

The trouble is, I don't really sing.

Don't worry about that. We don't do the
songs.

You do My Fair Lady without the music?

Well, wait till you see it. It really
zips along.

What we do is Pygmalion. It's just that
they prefer to call it My Fair Lady

Without the Songs.

Uh -huh.

Uh, look, I... I don't mean to toy with
tradition, but have you ever considered

doing another play?

Another play?

Do you think anybody'd come?

I'm sure they would.

It's just that everybody knows My Fair
Lady Without the Songs. They're used to

it. Towards the end of the play, the
whole audience usually says the lines

along with it.

I can't think of another play they'd
enjoy as much.

Say, what if Dick wrote us a play?

What? Well, now, wait a minute. That
could be a thought.

Sure.

Everybody in town knows Dick. Now, wait
a minute. Can you imagine the excitement

if we were doing a play by our own Dick
Loudon? Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Dick doesn't write plays. He writes
books.

Oh, a play would be a lot easier to
write than a book. It's lots less words.

That's true.

Well, I could ask him, but I really
wouldn't count on anything.

That's the spirit.

Myrna, you better get busy changing the
programs. It's going to be a play by

Dick Loudon this year. I didn't say
that. I said I'd try.

Well, how's he going to turn you down,
Joanna?

Well, I don't know.

Ask a dick.

What's that?

Dick, could I talk to you in private for
a second?

Joanna, if this has anything to do with
community theater, I don't want to get

involved. They want you to write a play.

That's involved.

I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't for
the fact that I happen to know you

have a play.

Are you talking about the girl from
Manhattan?

Yes. I wrote that 16 years ago. It's
corny. I think it's wonderful.

Well, of course, you think it's
wonderful. I wrote it for you. The main

character's name is Joanna.

That has nothing to do with it.

Besides, it's cute and funny.

And like you said, you did write it for
me, so I don't see why I shouldn't be

able to give it to them.

Look at their faces.

It would mean so much to them.

They do love me.

Please, honey.

All right, I don't like it, but...

You can have it. On one condition.
What's that?

That I don't have to rewrite it, I don't
have to direct it, and I don't even

have to come to see it.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Okay, quiet, everybody.

Director's trying to speak.

wants to audition now.

I will.

All right, Myrna, what are you going to
do for us?

I'm going to do the same thing I did in
My Fair Lady without the songs.

There will now be a ten -minute
intermission. Thank you.

Thank you. That's a very important part
of any play.

Okay, who's next?

George,

you want to audition?

No, I wanted to ask if I could make the
sets.

Anyone else want to make the set?

It's yours.

Okay, next.

Stephanie, I didn't know you were going
to audition.

Oh, well, I'm not really.

I just realized that I've probably seen
a lot more real theater than most people

here. I mean, I've seen My Fair Lady
with the songs.

I've seen... West Side Story. I've seen
Camelot.

That I saw in Switzerland, by the way,
with subtitles.

So I've really seen theater all over the
world.

Anyway, I'm here if you need me.

Thank you. I feel better already.

Okay, who's next?

Well, Jim, I guess it's you and me.

We have an audition since 1956.

We thought we'd do the same thing we did
then.

Fine. It's a duet.

Are you ready?

One, two... You like potato.

And I like tomato.

You like potato.

And I like tomato.

Potato. Tomato.

Potato.

Tomato. Let's call the whole thing off.

We didn't get that right.

It was... It was fine.

Anyone else? Would anybody mind if I go?

What are you going to do for us? Well, I
thought I'd do the first scene in The

Girl from Manhattan where Joanne and her
mother arrive in New York and see their

apartment for the first time.

You have someone to read with? Yeah.
Shirley Dixon's going to read Joanne's

mother. But I'm not auditioning.

Fine. You ready?

Anytime you are. Okay.

Oh, Mother, look.

Isn't this the most darling apartment
you've ever seen?

Yes, dear, it is.

Oh, and look out the window.

You can see all of New York.

I can't tell you what it does for me to
see you this happy.

Are you as happy as I am?

Yes, dear.

I'm happier because I know you're so
happy.

Then this is truly a happy day.

I'm going to have to fix some of that.

and I'd just like to thank you all for
coming. I thought you were all very

I just wish the play were as good as you
were.

Oh, that's nice.

Well, I think I've seen enough to base
my decisions on.

For those of you who get into the play
but don't get the leads, I want to

you there's no such thing as a small
part, just small actors.

Okay, with that in mind, the cast is...

Woman number one, Myrna Peck.
Congratulations, Myrna.

Good choice.

Mr. Ackley, the Broadway producer,
Chester Wanamaker.

The mayor of New York, Jim Dixon. Oh,
the mayor, huh?

In the part of Joanna, Stephanie
VanderCullen.

Joanne, all out.

So why don't we take a short ten -minute
break and have some refreshments, and

then we'll come back and read the play.

Honey, could I see you in the study for
a second?

Sure.

You first.

Joanna's a 22 -year -old girl.

But you wrote this play for me. It's my
life story.

No, it isn't.

Joanna and the play stars on Broadway
and meets Samara in New York. You never

did those things.

Look, Dick, you may not realize it, but
in the back of my mind, I always had

this fantasy that someday we'd do this
play in some little theater and I would

play Joanna.

You did?

I mean, I'm the only one who tried out
for the part and I still didn't get it.

I know, but Stephanie was the only girl
in her 20s out in that room.

Honey, I would do anything to give you
this part.

But unfortunately, you're just too darn
old.

I mean for the part, not in real life.

Fine, Dick.

You're the director.

What are you talking about? I don't want
to discuss it anymore.

We'll just go out there and put on our
happily married faces.

And no one will ever know that you broke
my heart.

I love the theater.

Hi, Mom.

Everything all right?

Everything's fine.

We're all ready, Dick.

Why doesn't everyone have a seat?

I'll read the tape for everyone.

Okay, the girl from Manhattan, act one,
scene one, the time is 1966.

The setting is a small apartment in New
York City.

As the curtain goes up... Actually,
Dick, our curtain doesn't go up, it

sideways.

Okay, as the curtain opens sideways... A
beautiful girl,

Joanna McKenzie, enters, followed by her
surprisingly young mother.

doesn't, that's something else I'm going
to have to fix.

Should we start?

Go ahead.

Oh, Mother, look. Isn't this the most
darling apartment you've ever seen?

Yes, dear, it is.

Oh, and look out the window. You can see
all of New York.

I can't tell you what it does for me to
see you this happy.

Are you as happy as I am? Yes, dear.

I'm happier because I know you're so
happy.

One page. I think we're due for a break.

Joanna, could I see you in the study?

Which Joanna are you referring to?

The Joanna who begged me to do this
play.

Excuse us.

Is there something wrong?

Joanna's mother is supposed to be the
sweetest, kindest, most sympathetic

character in the play. So?

You're playing her like Vampyra.

Now look, I made a perfectly logical
casting decision.

I want you to go out there, stop acting
like a child, and do it right. And what

if I don't? Then you will never work in
this town again.

tomorrow night.

And I've only got one more thing to do
on the set. I just thought I'd check

you first.

What's that?

Well, it says you're supposed to see New
York out the window.

What does New York look like?

Well, George, it's one of the largest
cities in the world. You know, it has

rivers and bridges and hundreds of tall
buildings, millions of lights.

Maybe I'll just put a curtain on the
window.

No more fooling around. I've got a major
date tonight. I've got to have your

car. I'm sorry, Joanna. I need the car
to go to rehearsal.

You're not using my truck.

Name your price. There's nothing you
have that I want. Don't give me that.

love my hamburgers.

What will it be? Free meals? How many?
Okay, I want all my meals for a month.

That's stupid. I'll give you one
cheeseburger.

Okay, I want all my meals for a week.

I'll give you one cheeseburger and
french fries.

Okay, I'll take one cheeseburger, french
fries, and dessert. I'll give you one

cheeseburger, french fries, and your own
booth.

And dessert. No dessert. One play on the
jukebox. Deal.

Keys.

I won.

Okay, I'm ready.

All right, let me get my stuff and we
can go. I'll be in the car.

Aren't you going to wait for me?

Director.

Joanna, why don't you close the door and
let's talk?

Why?

Because I don't want to go to our last
rehearsal where the two of us mad at

other. I'll let you know how it went.

Joanna, please come down here.

Look, let's be honest.

The last two weeks haven't been great.

I've been doing the best I can.

I know you have. I made a mistake. I
should never have cast you as Joanna's

mother. Well, at least we agree on
something.

I mean, you were right to begin with.

The problem is you're just too young.

I am?

Well, don't you think that's the
problem?

Well, sure, but I thought you said I was
too old to be Joanna.

Well, you are, but you're also too young
to be her mother.

Well, what am I, your aunt?

What if you were her sister?

Her sister?

Yeah. Wait a minute.

Would you only be doing this to make me
happy?

Isn't it going to look a little funny
going to the last rehearsal and telling

everyone that now I'm Joanna's sister?

No, just tell everyone that this kind of
thing happens all the time in the

theater. Does it? In practically every
play ever done.

I think I read one time that up until
opening night it was the queen and I.

Well, I have to admit I like the idea.

But wouldn't that throw the whole play
off?

No, instead of Stephanie saying mother,
she'll just say sister.

Well, I am so much happier.

Well, then that's frosting on the cake.

So

tell

me, how did the audition go?

What's going on?

Pretty good.

Oh, sis, you really think I'll get it?

Well, Joanna, not many girls land the
lead in a Broadway show their

first month in New York.

But whether or not you get it, I just
want you to know that your father and

sister will always be proud of you.

This is Joanna McKenzie and her sister,
Sis McKenzie.

Well, I've certainly been hearing a lot
about you.

You've raised a fine sister.

Thank you, Mayor.

Could I get anyone a sandwich or a cold
drink?

A sandwich sounds good to me.

Well, then, if you'll excuse me, I'll
just go into the kitchen and make some.

Mr. Mayor, Mr.

Ackley, won't you have a seat? Oh!

You're supposed to be making sandwiches
in the kitchen.

I've got a minute before I go back on.

Dick, this is awful.

Yeah. I never should have let you make
me Joanna's sister. I've ruined

everything. No, no, you haven't. How can
you say that? They're all laughing at

me. At least they're laughing at
something.

I've made us both look like fools.

And you were so sweet to try to change
everything. Can you ever forgive me?

Honey, I love you. Of course I forgive
you. Oh, Dick.

Shh.

Look, the play's almost over. Just go
back up there and do the best you can to

get through it. But Dick, I can't go
back up there and let people think you

wrote something that sounds this stupid.

Joanna, there you are.

You're supposed to be on stage. You
missed your cue.

Oh, great. I'll be right there. Honey,
don't worry. I'm going to get us both

of this.

What are you going to do?

Joanna!

How's it going, Dick?

Haven't you been watching?

No, I stepped out for a drink of water
and to pick up some things at the

Where did you say your sister was?

Well, I thought she was in the kitchen.

But she doesn't seem to be there right
now.

Maybe she went for...

Wonderful, dear.

And now I've got something to tell you.

You do?

Yes. I hope you'll be as happy as I am
when I tell you that I'm not really your

sister.

I'm your mother.

My mother?

Yes. I just pretended to be your sister
so we would be close and now... and I

know we always will be, there's no need
to hide my true identity anymore.

Well, sis?

Mom?

I don't know what to say.

Don't say anything.

Let's just go out to dinner.

Okay.

limousine. And isn't this a wonderful
day?

If I'd known we were going out to
dinner, I wouldn't have eaten that

Is that it?

I think so.

Well, that's the dumbest play I've ever
seen.

You ever see the program?

Sandwiches? Yeah.