Original subtitles

If the assignment is that we're supposed to be married, how about we start with

the honeymoon?

Right here.

Jerome, the only reason we're pretending to be married is so we can examine our

attitudes about gender roles. Come on. Yeah, man, you're supposed to be

examining gender, not Brenda.

Come on.

Still married to him.

Professor McAllister said once we left his class...

There was no switching partners.

Yeah, what about killing partners?

Don't think I didn't ask.

Ah, see, now you sound like a real married couple. Yeah, Ike and Tina.

Come on, why are you guys taking this so personally? I mean, it's just a class

project. That's easy for you to say, Mo.

Shoot, poor Alan doesn't know what he's in for.

Ain't that right, our king?

Huh? Oh, I wasn't listening, dear.

Alicia, there you are. Oh, hey, Alan. Hey, how are you? What's up?

I have something for you.

Oh, thank you.

Chop steak?

What are these for?

An invitation.

I made us reservations at Chan's. Oh, Chan's. That new fancy Chinese

in Hollywood Hills, huh?

Man, you ain't have to do all that. You're already married to her.

Alan, this is really nice, but it's just a class project. I mean, you didn't

have to do this. Well, my dad takes my mom out every Friday, so I figured it'd

be a nice way for us to start out. Oh, that is so sweet.

You know what?

President McAllister's stupid rules. Mom, can we trade?

Lucy, you know we can't do that.

Girl, I will fight you for him.

My bathroom isn't any more soundproof than yours.

But it's not any cleaner, either. What's up with all that mildew?

Boy, now, you know comedy's not just one of Santa's reindeer, right?

Man, hey, y 'all, who cares about all that, man?

This demo's booty.

Why we even wasting our time? Hey, what are you talking about, man?

If we cut out all the static, clean up the bass line, adjust the sound levels,

cut your mom out, we'd be in business.

That's real.

Man, by the time we do all that, we'll be rapping about Social Security.

Hey, what y 'all need is somebody who can pump y 'all up. A hype man.

Man, what we need is a new demo. That's for sure. You know, so we can blow up.

Yeah. Man, how we gonna get some money to cut a new demo?

I'm sure we can find some fool out there slipping.

Yeah, true that.

True, true. Come on, y 'all. We supposed to be legit, remember?

Look, just give me some time to figure something out, man. Man, forget it.

I'm going back to Kmart.

You work at Big K.

Man, didn't they do a background check?

I remember that. I heard they got a sweet employee discount.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Everything's for free, as long as you park by the loading dock.

And look, y 'all, don't start filling out applications.

D -Money is going to put us on the map. Oh, boy. For real. Hey, man, I'm trying

to tell y 'all. What y 'all need to do is let me rock the mic.

All right.

All right.

For real? Yeah, yeah. Just stay right here. We'll be right back. All right.

Y 'all coming right back, though, right?

Right back, though, right?

Y 'all ain't coming back, are you?

All right, all right, Neeson.

So, who do you think should spend more time with the children?

I don't care.

Who do you think's responsible for keeping the house clean?

I don't care.

Okay, look, Nita.

Look, I know you don't want to be with me, okay?

And like so many other guys in your past, I don't want to be with you

What's your point, Hakeem?

Look, could we at least commit long enough to get through this assignment?

Okay. Okay, you're right. Let's act like married people.

Yeah, all right.

Yeah, that's my wife.

I better go hang out with my boys.

And, uh, I'll make sure that there's a nice hot meal waiting for you when you

get back.

Oh, really?

Please, boy, you stupid.

Oh, Alan, you have been opening doors and pulling out chairs all day. You

are a gentleman.

I was trying to make my wife happy. Yeah, well, don't get too caught up,

she just your play wife.

Yep, and I'm yours. So can you bring me back a jet magazine and some pork rinds?

Ooh, Niecy, I love that dress, girl. It's real tight.

Yeah, it certainly is. She may as well be wearing paint.

Mm -hmm.

Spray -painted then.

Ooh, I'm gonna get one in leopard.

Is that really the kind of attention you want?

Oh, Niecy can wear whatever she wants.

Well, I'm just saying, I wouldn't let my wife leave the house in a dress like

that.

Let? Okay, allow.

Allow? Alan, it's not up to you.

Well, it is for now.

It's like my dad says. See, I'm the husband, and you're the wife.

Well, your father is not married to me.

Oh, my God.

Uh, yeah, I should have warned you.

It's not so fancy.

And, uh, Hakeem...

Kind of sloppy. No, no. It's charming. It has such character.

Yeah, yeah, it does.

And you have a Murphy bed.

Oh, so you like that. I have always wanted one of these things.

Can I bounce on it?

Oh, yes, yes. Anything for my wife.

I really enjoyed being married to you.

You have been a perfect gentleman all day.

I don't know why everybody hates you.

Well, you know, that's because I'm misunderstood.

You know, it's kind of hard to be Jerome, like when I was little Romy.

now you know I've always had a crush on you.

Do you really think I had you pull down this bed so I could hear your life

story?

Oh, so let me get this straight.

Romy doesn't have to beg.

Not unless you want to. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, my bad, man. I didn't notice the light show.

Yo, Hakeem, man.

Shouldn't you be with your wife right now?

Man, it's 10 o 'clock, man.

Assignment's over for the day. Yeah, maybe for you, but my honey and I, we're

going for some extra credit.

How you going for a little extra?

So where were we?

Are you serious?

Yeah.

But he's in there.

I'll be quiet.

I don't think so, Jerome.

But wait a minute, Brenda.

Look, maybe some other time, okay?

Sorry.

Let me just walk you to your car.

That was it, man. The demo was going to be on point.

Man, D -Money, I still can't believe you hooked this up. Word, man. We made our

first demo here instead of your mama's bathroom.

We'd be on tour already, man. You see, if D -Money says he can do something,

best believe he can do it. Hey, so y 'all don't ever doubt me again.

Did I come through or what?

Ah! Ah! Lauren!

Boy, you better be glad I left my tase in my other car.

What you doing, man? Man, you don't work here anymore. What's going on?

I just about to drop off my keys, man. That's all.

Who is this fool?

This is R .C., man. He owns the studio.

Yo, D, I thought you said Quincy Jones let you use his keys.

I said the next Quincy Jones.

True that, true that, true that.

Enough about me.

What you doing in my studio?

I was just using it for a minute.

How many minutes?

Uh... What's 60 times 4?

$500 bill.

$500? For this place?

My bad.

Now it's 600.

All right, come on, R .C. You know I'm good for it, man. Come on, fellas. Let R

.C. get back to his studio, man. Thanks.

Oh, I'm going to just grab the masters, and then I'll be out. No, no, no, no. I

don't think so.

The masters stay with me until the bill is paid.

But, R .C., I was going to use that demo to get us a record deal.

That way we can pay you what we owe you. Just have to find another way, fellas.

All right.

All right.

Catch him later.

Alan.

Hey, welcome home.

Hey, what are you doing here?

Well, I just wanted to surprise my wife with a nice home -cooked meal.

You made all this in the microwave?

I made it at home. I just warmed it up here.

Please. Alan, you didn't have to do this. I mean, it wasn't a part of your

assignment.

Well, yeah, I did.

We're supposed to examine gender roles, and I wanted to show you I could do your

work, too.

Well, I think we should examine that last statement.

After dinner.

Sorry, I've already eaten, Ella.

Yeah, but a husband and wife are supposed to eat together.

But I got hungry without you.

Wait a minute.

You mean I bought all this food?

I spent three hours preparing it, and you're going to walk in here with some

flip comment about how you've already eaten?

Well, Alan, we can put it in the refrigerator and eat it tomorrow.

Oh, yeah.

No, I don't think the...

Dang,

Mo. You sure that's all you said to him?

Yeah, Niecy, but then afterwards I was so shocked I couldn't say anything else.

Yo, Mo, you want me to go talk to him for you?

No, I'll handle it, Hakeem. Thank you.

Well, what are you going to do, Mo?

I don't know.

I mean, I need this class because it's a prerequisite for my major.

I mean, I don't mind the role plan, the discussions, and the reading, but I

can't handle too much more of that, Alan.

Like I said, if he tries to step to you again, let me know, all right?

Huh?

Because I'm ready.

So anyway, what are you going to do?

I don't know, Niecy. He's tripping.

No, girl, not him. I'm talking about that chicken over there.

Why? You want some?

How long has it been on the floor?

I gave you guys a chance to make it big.

And you, you blew it.

Now look at you.

Down for the count of 17.

It's a pity.

Now, where you going?

You have a guest.

Look, R .C.

Look, man, I don't have your money.

Yeah? Well, I got a little something for you.

Look, look, R .C.

It's not that deep, man. For real. Look, I've got collateral.

Yeah, man.

He's got two leather jackets, some new nights, and a PlayStation 2 still in the

box.

I don't want your little stuff.

I got something that's going to help the both of us.

The tracks are tight, man.

You and your boys can use my studio to finish a demo.

We can?

Yep. And when you land yourself a deal, you can pay me back double what you owe

me.

But what if we don't get a deal?

Then I reach into my other pocket.

Okay, gotcha.

No need for that.

So I decooked a big meal, and you had already eaten.

You saying you'd eat again?

Sure. I'd put up with a little indigestion for the sake of peace.

Sounds like you'd be ignoring your own feelings, Daddy.

No, Mo.

I'd be considering hers.

Mo?

Marriage is about compromise.

It's tough, baby. You have to work at it.

Yeah, but I still wish I could drop this class.

All right, go ahead.

I mean, that is if you think that there's nothing else for you to learn.

All right, Daddy, I guess I can tough it out for two more days.

That's the spirit.

Hey, Mo, some guy named Alan is here to see you. I want to see him.

Oh, is that your husband?

Yeah. Well, what husband?

Man, nobody tells me anything around here.

Miles, tell him to come in.

No, I don't mean nothing.

Well, Mo, I guess I better leave you two alone.

Trust me. I know how it is when married people have to work through things.

Take care.

Thank you.

Hello, sir.

I'm Alan.

Alan? I guess I'm your father -in -law.

Nice to meet you.

I got these for you.

You really shouldn't have, Alan.

Before you say anything, Mo, would you just hear me out?

What I did was wrong.

I was way out of line.

I can't tell you how bad I feel about it.

But this marriage experiment stuff, it taught me things about myself I didn't

even know.

Like what?

Well, like I'm very traditional.

Traditional or oppressive?

I'm really sorry.

Really?

Yeah. I really want this to work out.

Can we just start over?

Please?

Hi.

I'm Alicia.

Hi. I'm Alan. It's nice to meet you.

Cool.

Can I take you someplace nice, quiet, by you, Frappuccino?

As long as it stays on the table.

Okay, okay, okay.

Winters, kitchen clean, candles.

Ooh, yeah, tonight's your night, Romy.

Yeah. A king's gone.

The crib is clean.

We're clean. You know what I mean?

Your wife has arrived.

Damn!

Well, Brenda, what a surprise.

Surprise?

You left eight messages in my machine.

Yeah, well, it would have been ten, but I hung up twice. You know, I didn't want

to seem too pushy.

Well, uh, come on in.

Now. Are you sure Hakeem won't interrupt us this time?

I'm sure, I'm sure. And even if he does, I set a little trap for him.

What kind of trap?

Let's just say don't touch the light switch.

Wow.

Yeah. Hey, have a seat.

Well, well, well.

Here we are.

All alone.

Yep.

You know, I'm really glad that this assignment has allowed us to...

get to know each other.

Me too.

Yeah, well, um, I thought we'd start off with appetizers, nothing like a little

snack before the main course.

What do you have?

Well, I'm told that, uh, oysters are an aphrodisiac.

I don't eat oysters.

I'm a vegetarian, okay?

Okay, well, that's good, because I can't afford them, but, uh, I do have oyster

crackers.

So inventive.

We are going to have a lot of fun together.

Yes. Bon appetit.

Bon appetit.

I know you didn't just kill that gnat.

Yeah, I got him good, too.

How could you?

Well, I didn't kill it. I just stunned it. Get up, little gnat.

If you can't respect the gnat, then you can't respect me.

We are all God's creatures, Jerome.

Bye. What?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Brenda, I think I saw it move.

No. Yes, Brenda.

Dang.

What a difference a day makes. What

are you talking about?

Alan, I was so upset with you. I was seriously considering dropping the

Kidding.

I was that close.

But if you drop the class, that means I fail.

No, actually, you would have gotten an incomplete.

See, I called Professor McAllister and talked to him about it.

You did what?

I called Professor McAllister and talked to him.

Okay, that's completely unacceptable.

Excuse me?

You had no right to do that, Mo. You embarrassed me.

You embarrassed yourself with your little childish tantrums, throwing food

all of that on the floor.

Yeah, well, at least it wasn't you.

I know you lost your mind.

I'm going back to my room.

We're not finished yet. Don't you dare put your hands on me, Alan.

Who do you think you are?

Mo, you should please. No.

I am tired of you pretending to be some great guy when in fact you're a sexist

bully. Now, I'm dropping the class just like you dropped the chicken.

But we only have one more day.

Well, I can't stand to be around you one more minute.

You'll fail. I don't care.

At least I still respect myself.

Why don't you go get a psychiatrist or something?

Hey, look, girl. You know what?

Being married to Hakeem isn't as bad as I thought. You know, we just had to

learn that the most important thing is spending quality time together.

Yeah, and quantity time apart.

Yes. Mo, how's your marriage thing going?

It's over.

I just had to tell Alan about himself.

Well, you know what, Mo?

You did the right thing. Girl, I am proud of you. Sure.

But, um, did you happen to get that chicken recipe?