Original subtitles

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jim Lang, and welcome to The Mating Game.

My bachelorette is Moesha Mitchell of Leimert Park, California, and here she

Dating is like a 70s game show.

You try to find Mr. Right by asking a bunch of goofy questions.

But if you ask a bunch of goofy questions, are you setting yourself up

date with Goofy?

Now, Moesha, say hello to our three bachelors.

Hi, you groovy guys.

Bachelor number one, would you say hello to Moesha?

Moesha, I really can't wait to meet ya.

Yeah.

Bachelor number two. Thank you, Jim.

Moesha, your mother should have named you Melody because your voice is like

music to my ears.

And bachelor number three.

Hey, foxy lady, I'm bachelor number three. Make the right move and get down

me.

Well, Moesha really has her work cut out for her. We'll be back to see if she

chooses bachelor number one, number two, or number three. Oh, no, no, no, no.

We'll be right back after this word from our sponsor.

Unfortunately, in the real dating game, there are no commercial breaks.

You guys,

I cannot believe Angel got Chico DeBarge for the scholarship from me.

She knows everybody.

Sure, man. I need that scholarship, man. I'm going to be somebody.

Yup. You're going to be all you can be in the Army.

Hi, guys. Hey.

Hey, and Dale. Why, is that a new mud cloth you're wearing? You look simply

fabulous.

Boy, it's an academic scholarship, not an acting scholarship.

Y 'all check out Kyle checking me out.

Oh, my bad. I was hoping he was checking me out.

Desperation is so last year.

That'll see you then.

Hi, Kyle.

Hi, Moesha.

Oh, Kyle, are you coming to Endell's fundraiser?

Maybe. You?

I am.

That's nice.

What about you, Moesha?

I'm not sure. I don't have a date yet.

Oh, me neither.

Uh, Moesha, I was wondering. Yeah?

Do you have the time?

Oh, I do.

At 15 seconds.

Y 'all, he wanted me so bad he couldn't even look at me.

Then there must be a whole lot of brothers who want you.

Yo, yo, yo, Dave! High five!

Pretty funny. Coming from a brother who needs a co -signer for free lunch.

So, Mo, how's it going over at Bridgewood?

It's cool.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

I really miss you at the paper. It's a lot different since Taylor became the

editor. Well, actually, I like what Taylor's done to the paper. She put my

picture on the front page. Yeah, as a fashion donor.

Girl, nobody actually reads the paper.

Check it out, Marisha.

I'm doing a follow -up on the women in basketball article you wrote last year.

Unfortunately, everything with your byline mysteriously disappeared the day

Taylor took over.

I'm not surprised. That's why I kept a backup disc.

Why don't you come by tonight and pick it up? Cool.

Yo, Dave, you going to Endell's fundraiser this Friday?

And you know this.

Oh, man.

Well, you better hurry up and get your tickets now because there's a shortage

the front row seats. And you know the den doesn't have any high chairs.

At least I don't have to put my tickets on layaway.

You got me again.

Hey, honey. Hey.

Oh, these eight -hour shoes just work the ten -hour day.

Oh, who invented high heels anyway?

The same person who invented the 18 -hour bra, pantyhose, and bikini wax.

Son, you gotta get out there. Be aggressive. Show them what you've got.

But they don't care about what I've got.

What's going on?

I passed by the park on the way home, right? And guess what I saw? Oh, swings?

No. Miles.

Sitting on the sideline while a bunch of kids played with his basketball.

So I grabbed Miles and his basketball and I brought him home.

Well, you know, you didn't have to embarrass me like that.

There were girls around.

I know. They were playing.

Miles, why weren't you playing, honey? You're good at basketball.

They don't think so.

They said I'm too short.

Well, you don't listen to them. You are not too short. You're just vertically

challenged. Come on, Weesha.

Sorry, Dad.

Reflex.

I mean, it's not fair.

You're not short. Mo's not short.

Mom wasn't short.

What happened to me? Listen, son.

When I was your age, I was about your size.

Well, I was a little taller, but... Yes.

I hit a growth spurt when I was 14. I grew four inches in one year.

Well, fine.

I played basketball when I was 14.

Miles, you love basketball.

Now, what if Spud Webb had given up? Where would he be now?

I don't know. Where is he?

Bad mo, bad mo. I'll be my own.

Look, son, if you just stand your ground, they'll respect you.

Now, tomorrow, I want you to march back to that playground and you tell those

kids nobody plays with this ball unless you play in the game. But, Dad... But

nothing. You're a Mitchell, son.

Are you going to thank me for this one day?

I'll do it.

Hey, David, come on in. I have the disc right over here.

Thanks, Mo. I really appreciate this.

Oh, don't mention it. We journalists have to stick together.

Cool, cool.

Here you go.

Mo, you got a minute?

Sure. What's up?

It's kind of hard to talk about David.

We're friends. You can talk to me about anything.

Okay.

There's this girl that I like. I mean, I like her a lot.

And I want to ask her out, but I don't know how.

Just ask her.

You don't understand.

I mean, she's beautiful.

It's really special, and she can have any guy she wants.

Well, David, I don't see why she wouldn't want you. I mean, you're funny,

intelligent, charming.

Yeah.

But I still don't think she's gonna go out with me.

Well, you know what? If she does not go out with you, then she's a fool.

You really think so?

So, David, go for it.

All right.

Boisha, will you go out with me?

Me?

I'm the girl?

Uh -huh. So what do you say?

Well, uh... I mean... Sure, sure, sure.

You can go out sometimes.

I got two tickets to Andale's concert Friday night. We're going to have big

Yeah!

So I gave him all of this encouragement, and then he asked me out.

So I had to say yes.

What am I going to do, you guys?

Wear flats?

Come on, Kim.

Serious? Well, then break his little heart. But I'll talk to him.

Why do I even talk to you two?

And, Belle, you know David Green, right?

Oh, yeah. Real nice guy.

Would you go out with him?

Sure. He'd be on anybody's short list.

Oh, I'm just messing with you, Mom.

Everybody likes David.

I like him, too. I just don't want to go out with him.

But then again, I don't want to hurt his feelings, either.

Either you go out and have a good time or you tell him no.

Because the last thing you want to do is date somebody out of pity. I know. I've

been there.

No, I do. I think J .W. really likes you. Yeah.

No, I meant... Come on, forget it. I don't even know why I talk to y 'all.

Well, you know, I think you'll have a good time if you go out with David.

Really? Yeah, he's kind of cute.

It's just one little date.

I'm Moesha. Can I speak with you?

Oh, I'm sorry, but did you say Moesha or Niecy?

Could you please give her the closed caption version?

Excuse us.

So, Kyle, what did you want to talk to me about?

Will you go with me to the fundraiser?

No. I understand.

No, no.

love to go with you to the fundraiser. It's just that I have to rearrange my

schedule. Meet you up at seven?

All right.

Frank, let's go see Titanic.

Now, why do you want to get on the Titanic when you got the love boat right

here?

Great. Come here, baby.

Hi, Daddy. Hi, G.

You two aren't busy, are you?

Not yet.

Good, because I have a really big problem.

Well, whatever it is, Mo, I'm sure you can work it out.

Scoot over, Daddy.

I have two days on the same night.

Oh, how'd you do that?

I told them both yes.

See, one guy... I really like, and then the other guy is just my friend.

And I don't know which one to go out with.

Well, you go out with the one that asked you first.

But I like the other guy. Well, then go out with him.

All right. Thanks, Daddy.

Moesha, we shouldn't be making this decision for you. You're old enough to

what's right.

Yeah, Dee, but I'm young enough to learn from my mistakes.

All right. I'll think about it over homework.

Moe, just because they call it homework doesn't mean you have to do it at home.

Let's go see Titanic.

But we already know how it ends.

Finally, they're gone.

Miles, what happened to you?

Well, I took Dad's advice.

Told those kids to let me play or they couldn't use my basketball.

Well, it didn't work, huh?

What was your first clue?

Then they beat me like a cheap rug.

And then they took my basketball.

Man, I hate being little.

Miles, there's nothing wrong with being little.

All right?

Let's go.

Where are we going?

To get your ball.

All right, yeah, let's go kick some butt.

Cruel, how could you be so cruel, cruel, cruel, cruel?

You know I wouldn't go to you.

You treat me like a fool.

Oh, I laid out my heart at your feet, gave a whirl, but you passed it by.

See, I was in love, I was young, and didn't have to say how I feel.

Give me, babe.

Give me, babe. You could be so cruel.

Thought that we were good. You're acting like a fool. I'm supposed to

understand.

me so blind blind blind and treat me so unkind kind

you're gonna reap what you're sowing way that this is flowing I give

you the best things in life in return you just told me lies

told you the secrets of love now I find myself

asking why

and I'll be right back.

Y 'all gonna beat me when I get back, right?

Man,

that was up there easy.

Oh,

excuse me, David. I have to go holler at Niecy.

Excuse us, Kyle.

Hey, Mo.

Now, Mo, I know what you're thinking, and...

And that you're supposed to be my friend.

Hey, you're the one who dumped Kyle, okay?

I'm just a clean -up woman.

And I got work to do.

Here you go, Chico. That'll be $3.

$3? Look, woman, I'm already seeing you for free.

Okay, $2 .50.

And I'll put this on my tab.

Thanks, Flash.

Chico, Kim. Kim Chico.

Who are you?

My king, man.

Excuse me, I don't mean to get in your business and all, but are you happy with

your backup singer?

Yeah, I am. What about your girlfriend?

Because I wouldn't egg you, baby.

I know you can get down like this.

Shoot, you think this is something?

You should see me do the limbo.

to be dancing by yourself.

All right.

That's why she's dancing with me?

Oh, my bad. I thought she was down there shining them shoes.

Leave us alone, chicken. That's why nobody likes you.

Well, excuse me, Cinderella.

Oops. Snow White was one with the seven dwarfs, right?

Uh, uh, gee, chicken, you know, if you were really clever, You would have said

something like, David, you're so short, if you sat on a curb, you could swing

your legs.

Or you say, David,

you're so short, you have to stand on a bumper to put money in the mirror.

Your mama's so big, she big.

Ouch.

Let's talk about your sister. You see, your sister's braids are so tight, they

look like stitches.

Let me talk about my sister.

David,

you handle him really well. You ever thought about doing stand -up?

I am standing up.

Can we go sit down? My neck's starting to hurt.

Why don't we just get out of here?

Why? Aren't you having a good time?

Yeah, but if we go to my house, we can have a great time.

You know what I'm saying?

Ask her about me.

I've already heard enough.

Oh, I get it.

You can't hang because I'm little.

No, I can't hang because you're the biggest jerk I've ever gone out with.

Referees aren't the only ones who make bad calls.

I mean, take the kids who wouldn't let Miles play with them because he's short.

They had no idea whether he was a good player or not.

Hmm, and then there's me.

I went out with David because I saw him as an underdog.

And as it turns out, he's just a dog.