Original subtitles

Thank you.

Love you like you want me to.

I can be so good for you.

Love you like you want me to.

What happened, Arthur?

Oh, jeez.

To you, as a personal favour, at cost.

Shockproof, waterproof, vap -proof.

Have you got proof of that?

Watch him, Dave.

Can you do him on check, Arthur?

What is this, a double act?

It's a wind -up.

Here, how much?

To you, 50 sobs, and I'm the loser.

Look at a maker's name.

Do you know how much his cheapest model is?

Where'd you get it?

Bankrupt stock.

And at that price, it's a steal.

That's what worries me.

Oh, Dave, you hurt me when you talk like that. Come here, come here, come here,

look here.

Now tell me if that is not the business.

Go on, go on, tell the man, Terry.

Tell him what a piece of quality like that does for the image.

You are in the public service game.

Punter sees a bit of class like that on your wrist, he knows he's dealing with a

man of taste.

What do you think, Till?

Well, it's nice that he knows more about brain surgery than quality timepieces.

I tell you what, 40 sobs and I'm really suffering.

Thought you could, eh? And we forget my drinks tab for today.

OK. Big ideal.

Large vodka, please, Dave.

And Terry will have the same.

Cheeky.

Oh, I do like doing a bit of business, Terry.

Listen, you haven't strived him, have you? He's a mate.

Leave off. I've done him a favour.

A favour? For you.

Amateur hospital.

Hammersmith Hospital?

Yes, some nurse. Got a message for you.

Ooh.

Hello? Is that Mr Daly?

Yes, this is Mr Arthur Daly. Mr Brompton. Dave, have you got a minute?

Alex Brompton. Oh, oh, Alex, yeah.

What's the matter with him? He's had an accident.

Oh.

Well... He needs you on important business. Important business?

Can you see him? Uh, yeah, all right. When?

Sometime today.

Uh, uh, uh, sister, he's, um... He's not terminal, is he? Or unsightly?

I've got this weak stomach, see? No, he's quite comfortable.

Oh, oh, no, that's lovely. Fine.

Right. Bye, sister. Thank you.

What's all that about?

A mate of mine being in a car accident wants to see me.

God, I hate hospitals.

All them salty drips.

Tubes up the ooter.

Makes you feel sort of mortal, you know what I mean?

You wouldn't come with me, would you, Terry?

No, I can't, mate. No.

Granny's birthday. Got to go and see her. Oh.

Got a present for her, have you?

Well, I'm going to jump in the shop round the corner.

Now, what could be nicer than a boy shall get his gran a nice new watch?

Well, I would prefer it if you didn't tire him by staying too long, Mr. Daly.

Oh, I'm not one to hang about illness and disease, sister.

That takes a special kind of noble spirit that you angels of mercy possess

cope with that. Well, I don't know.

Just a job, really.

Just a job?

Our lives in your hands?

Devoting your life to healing the sick?

Comforting the dying?

Empty in the bedpans?

Hardly just a job, sister.

Well, it's very kind of you, but... Not at all.

Your very uniform bears testimony to... Please, please, excuse me.

This watch, supplied by the National Health, I suppose.

Well, we... I thought so.

Dumb feeling bureaucrats. I mean, how can one get them to realise that very

may hang in the balance when you are forced to take a pulse reading with a

mechanism like that?

Well, I don't... Now, sister, what you need, nay, what you must have, is

less... done a fully guaranteed quality timekeeper.

Yes, a check will be perfectly acceptable, sister. Thank you.

Oh, my good God.

Hello, Arthur.

Glad you could get along.

Dear, oh, dear.

What did you run into, a brick wall?

I didn't run into anything. I was walking across a road and a motor ran

Broke just about every bloody bone in me body. Except me neck.

Still, should be a nice little insurance claim.

It was a hit and run job, Arthur.

And the old Bill haven't been able to trace the car.

Get the number, did you? Oh, naturally.

Just as I was about to descend from 20 feet in the air and smash into the

concrete, I whipped out my notebook, took the number, colour, mate,

of the driver. Of course, my hand was shaking a bit. A shock, you know.

And the pages were somewhat bloodstained.

I see what you mean.

Upset someone, have you?

Well, I don't know, Arthur. I mean, you know me.

I mean, I've been out of the villainy scene for years.

Made a few quid and maybe a few enemies at the same time.

And if this is a comeback for some bit of naughtiness then, I can't see it.

I've been legit for too long.

I mean, it could be genuine.

But then something happened to make me take seconds.

Well, what's that then?

Well, you know I'm in the antique game. Got a nice high -class shop in

Kensington. And, uh,

I've got a sort of partner.

He knows how to handle the kind of upmarket punter we get.

And? Well, Jim, uh...

That's my partner.

He tells me that a couple of hooligans have been in the shop at the demand.

What, protection?

Yeah. I mean, it's not the most difficult thing in the world, is it? To

Ming vase or to break up a Louis XVI chair.

Or a human frame.

Exactly.

So you think this might have been deliberate?

To get you off the plot?

I don't know.

I mean, it seems a bit drastic.

Yeah, I mean, I might have been killed.

Maybe somebody just taking advantage of me being out of the way.

I mean, I'm still a bit useful, Arthur.

And I'd smash any bastard who tried to collect protection off me.

But... Oh, Jimmings.

Why, he's not the physical type.

So you want someone to mind him, is that it?

Yeah. And the shop.

I've got just the man for you.

Yeah, I heard you've got a good lad.

Terry McCann, one of the best.

I don't want one of the best.

I want the best.

I want the hardest.

Well, isn't that what I said?

My man is as hard as masonry nails, not an emotion in his body.

Happy birthday, Gran.

Can you start right away?

I want 24 -hour protection till it's settled.

Well, you'll have to grab a couple of hours' kit from time to time. He can

in. Sleep in?

Yeah, it's a flat over the shop.

Is that where Jim lives?

Yeah, it's a spare bedroom.

Right, now, Alex, about the fee.

Oh, bill me, Arthur. I'm not concerned about the cost.

Oh, yeah, but, Alex, there are going to be some expenses up front.

What do you want me to do, write you a cheque?

Yeah, it'd be a bit awkward -like, wouldn't it?

Yeah, how's Gloria and the kids?

Oh, it's all right.

Visit regularly?

The fact is, Arthur, Gloria and me split up some time back.

No.

You and Gloria?

Oh, that is a turn -up.

You and Gloria. I always thought you was a perfect couple.

We had our differences.

I still visit her and the kids weekends when I can, you know. She know you're in

here?

Yes, she knows.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, Alex.

I always liked you and Gloria.

Where are you living now, then?

In the flat over the shop as well.

It's part of my property.

Come on now, Mr. Daly. You promised not to fire him.

That is perfectly true, sister, and I am nothing if not a man of my word.

And here's that cheque, Mr. Daly. Oh, thank you, sister.

We all try to help our fellow creatures in our own way, eh? I like to hope so,

Mr. Daly.

Oh, it looks beautiful.

And truly a bargain.

Well, I'll be off. Now, don't you worry about a thing. I shall give it my full

attention.

Ah, before I go, I don't suppose... No, no.

Bye.

Harper, you'll need to know where the shop is.

Oh.

Take a card. There's one on top of the locker there.

Ah. And, uh, any problems with Jim, tell him to contact me.

Right. I'll see you.

Bye, sister. Bye, Mr. Daly. And thank you.

My pleasure.

Open up at the Brompton.

P6 is therefore effectively in parallel with the load at position 1.

Do you like it, Gran?

Pardon? The what?

Do you like it?

Oh, yes.

Very nice.

Very nice.

So you'll find that even with the lowering at high and low frequencies,

amplifier with resistive loads will amplify a wide band of frequencies...

your cup of tea, Gran.

That'd be nice.

...the bandwidth can be increased by lowering the gain.

Terrific.

Grant,

Arthur's here to see you. Happy birthday. A little something for you.

thanks. No, no, no, no, don't get up. Oh, thank you, Mr. Daly.

Well, I don't know what to say.

Aren't they lovely, Terry?

They're lovely.

I guess go and put them in a vase of water.

And chocolate as well.

Oh, my day.

Lovely.

So very lovely.

I didn't know you bought that flowers as well.

Would you like to watch?

What are you doing here?

I've got a job for you.

I don't like the idea of living in.

Oh, what's wrong with it?

Well, I want a few hours to myself, don't I?

Have a few drinks, pull a bird.

Be master of my own fate and all that.

Money's good.

How good?

Well, I haven't worked out the details yet, but stand on me, you won't lose by

it.

Where have I heard that before?

What happens if I don't like the geezer?

You don't have to like him and look after him, Terry, do you?

How badly has this mate of yours hurt?

Alex? Oh, not bad. Just a few abrasions.

So it won't be an hospital long, then?

Well, there are certain complications.

With abrasion?

You'll like Alex.

One of your own sort.

Hard case in his time. Still is.

Real man's man.

Sounds great.

Ah, here we are.

Ah, that's what you call a bit of class, Terry.

None of your Portobello Road junk in here.

Tell you what, that looked good in my kitchen, wouldn't it? Yeah.

Must be a full marker on the top.

Can I be of assistance, gentlemen?

You must be Jim.

Arthur Daly.

And, um, this is Terry.

I'm sorry, have we met?

Well, we have now.

I'm a business acquaintance of Alex's. I've just come from seeing him at

hospital. Been telling me all about your agro.

My agro?

Aggravation problem.

And the little firm that's been busy at the demand.

He means the two nasties who've been asking you to contribute to their

protection scheme.

Oh, I see.

And I am here to set your mind at rest. You have nothing to worry about from

this moment on.

Aaron? Yeah, Alex has asked me, in my capacity as professional security

to see that you and the shop are looked after until he can do it himself.

Look after?

Mind it. Protect it.

And Terry here is the best.

Is he indeed?

Hold on, Arthur. Hold on. Now, you have nothing to worry about with Terry

around. Excuse me one moment, would you please?

Can I have a word with you? Yeah, what's the matter?

Listen, if you think I'm staying in the same pad with that, you've got another

thing coming.

What are you talking about? What's wrong with him?

David, how can't you see?

See? Well, what is there to see? A perfectly charming young man. All right,

may not be one of the chaps. Arthur, a geezer is a raving iron.

That'd be ridiculous. An iron?

Scream it.

How do you know he's a bofter?

How can you tell? I can tell, believe me.

Go on, have another look.

Don't make it too obvious, eh?

He can't be.

Can he?

Why not? There are thousands of them about.

I know, but... No wonder you called that mate of yours a man's man.

Leave off, leave off. Alex, I've put it up.

You must be joking. He's a married man with children. You told me yourself he'd

left them and got to live case with Jolly Jim. In the same flat, Terry. In

same flat. I did not say that was case.

There must be a bedroom. He told me that. Arthur, I don't give a mother...

And I've got nothing against irons. I just don't want to live with one. Look,

you are wrong about Alex. I'll lay odds.

And even if you're right about him, I don't see that it makes any difference.

Oh, you don't, eh?

Well, no, I mean, he's not going to try any of that stuff with you, is he? And

if he does?

Well, then you just have to use a bit of diplomacy, won't you? Say you're sorry,

but you're normal. Say it would upset your mum or something like that.

Arthur, it would upset me. I'm likely to give him a right -hander, never mind

the other firm. No, no, no, don't you do that. And what would I tell Alex?

Look, we could be on a right earner here. The man's loaded.

Arthur, what's it going to look like when people hear that I'm living with an

iron, eh?

It's going to do my reputation and the world a bleeding good, innit?

Nobody will hear you. How can they?

Who knows you on this matter? I don't care. I don't like it. Look, look, look,

Terry. Look at it from the positive side.

Luxury flat, room of your own, chance to educate your mind and to find the

things of life, like antiques.

I mean, it's not as if you have to be a consulting adult.

Arthur, I'm... Look, look, look, please, Terry. Just for me.

I promise I'll see that everything's kosher.

Well, gentlemen, since I've never seen or heard of you before today, you won't

mind if I check with Alex about all this, will you?

No, no, I'll come with you.

Come with me?

To the hospital.

No, that won't be necessary.

That's right, Jim.

I... I don't care if you don't like it.

I don't want you hurt and I don't want my stock damaged.

Listen.

Just do what I say.

Okay?

Okay.

Well, it seems I have no choice.

but to place myself entirely in your hands, Terry.

Oh, yes.

Very nice. Very nice indeed.

Oh, you'll be all right here, Terry.

Can I offer either of you a drink?

Not for me, thanks, sir. Jim, I have to be going. Other appointments, busy

schedule. You understand.

No, I just wanted to see Terry in sconce, as it were.

Terry?

No, thanks, no.

I just want to check a few things. Windows, locks, that sort of stuff.

There's no need. The only way in or out is through the front door.

Yeah, well, I'll have a look anyway. Nothing if not professional is, Terry.

see.

Yeah, I'll come with you.

There's no need for that.

You stay and keep Jim company.

Oh, it's all right, Mr Daly.

You're perfectly safe.

Of course I am.

Why wouldn't I be?

Why indeed.

I will have that drink now, Jim.

A vodka tonic, if you've got it.

I've got it.

You known Alex long?

Couple of years or so.

Oh, you'll have met his wife then, Gloria.

No, we've never actually met.

Charming woman, charming.

I was very surprised when he told me they'd split up. I couldn't understand

that.

Couple of lovely kids they've got too.

Yes, I believe.

How long you and Alex lived in this flat?

About 18 months.

Oh.

It's very nice.

Yes, we like it.

Oh, my God.

No, no, no. No more for me.

Oh,

Terry. Everything all right?

I trust mine's not the bedroom with all the fancy curtains and that. Fancy

curtains? That's right. Yours is a spare bedroom.

Oh, that'll be Alex's room when he's here.

Well, I expect you'll be wanting to collect a few items.

Toothbrush, what have you? Yeah, I suppose so. You know, I'll do that for

Better stay now you're here.

I mean, you never know when those hooligans are going to come back. I

didn't give any indication, did they?

Uh, no.

No, they didn't. Well, give us the keys to your flat. I'll nip round the night

and chuck a few things in a bag for you.

Well, I'll come down to the car. No, there's no need for that.

I'll come down anyway.

Oh, right.

Well, I'll be going then. It's very nice to... As I say, with Terry here, you

have got nothing to worry about.

How very reassuring.

Are these the Alex's keys?

You'd better take them to let yourself in.

In case we're not here when you bring Terry's things.

Not here?

Well, I may decide to go out.

Out where?

Out. I'm not a prisoner, am I?

Well, no, but it'll be... No, no, no, that'll be all right as long as Terry

accompanies you.

Oh, come now, it's the shop they're interested in protecting, not me.

No, but it's from you. You don't want to claim their contribution, do you?

Oh, so be it.

About food.

Food? Yes, food.

You do eat, I suppose?

Well, he has to be known to eat beans.

Beans? Yeah, human beans.

Oh, I see a joke.

It's terrific.

Outside, you.

There's no need to cause unnecessary bad feeling with a client, Terry. He ain't

your client. Your friend in hospital is. Oh, you know what I mean.

He was taking a... No, he wasn't. You see, there you are. That's your

inferiority complex again.

He was simply asking you if you'd like some nice golden blur food.

That's what I mean about a chance to educate your mind.

Yeah, it ain't me mind I'm worried about. And I'll tell you one more time,

makes any kind of... Don't start all that again. A nice cushy number.

Don't nauseate by kneeling the geezer. Give us your keys.

Do you want anything in particular?

No, a couple of shirts, underwear, shaving gear, toothbrush, that sort of

Right. Hey, what was all that about the bedroom?

Oh, it's super.

You are wrong about Alex.

Oh, yeah.

Moule Marinier.

I do hope you like them.

Shells look like they'd be a bit odd.

Well, you must admit, it sounds a bit dodgy, doesn't it? Dodgy?

You sound like Terry.

Listen, if you knew this, Alex, you wouldn't call him a woofter to his face,

can tell you that.

Yeah, Terry taped having to stay with the other one.

Oh, he loves it, doesn't he?

Here. What's the time, then?

Oh, it's nearly half past six.

No, it's not.

It's... Oh, mine seems to have stopped.

Say it again, please, Dave.

Right -o.

Hello, Arthur.

Have you got the time?

Have I got the time?

Hang on, I'll be right back.

I'll do some coffee in a moment, if you'd like some.

No, I'm fine, thanks.

That was smashing.

Thank you.

No, straight, really nice.

Yes, well, I like to cook.

Of course, you know I'm gay.

Well, it had crossed my mind, yeah.

And does it bother you?

No. Why should it?

Well, it seemed to make your friend uncomfortable.

Ah, well, yeah, Arthur, he's a bit old -fashioned, like, you know, age creeping

on. Can't be much older than Alex.

Arthur thinks that you and Alex are just good friends.

Yes, I gathered that.

Arthur. How nice to see you after so long.

And me to see you too, Gloria.

I thought I'd better ring first, see if it was all right before Anne. You didn't

have to.

I haven't installed anyone else yet, if that's what was bothering you.

Why don't you stay in there? Come in, come in.

Look, I'm not exactly crazy about staying here either.

I do think the least Alex could have done was to forewarn me.

He was sprung on me a bit and all.

Still, won't be in hospital long, will he?

At least ten weeks, I should think.

Ten weeks?

For abrasions?

I'd hardly call having practically every bone in your body broken abrasions.

You're joking.

I don't joke.

Bloody Arthur.

Wait, listen.

These two merchants who came in a shop and put the frighteners on now, what do

they look like?

Hard to say.

All those butch macho types look much the same to me.

Yeah, well, did either of them mention each other's name?

No.

And they didn't say when they'd be back?

No. It's funny, they usually do.

I wouldn't know.

Templating weeks.

I don't know what to say. I mean, I can hardly believe it.

Well, it's true.

He finally came out of the closet.

I'd suspected for some time, of course, but could never really prove it. But, I

mean, Alex, he was always so... Well, you know.

To the outside world.

Yes.

Bastard. I hope he catches something.

Catches something?

Oh, Gloria, you can't really mean that. Oh, yes, I bloody do.

Help yourself.

Oh, Tar.

I mean, I can see, you know. I mean, I can see it upset you a bit. A bit?

Well, a man is in hospital with a badly broken body.

No more than he deserves.

Well, he still looks after you, though, doesn't he?

He paid the bills.

Just.

When he was still living with me, he was quite generous.

I suppose that was the guilt.

Now he no longer has anything to hide.

He's turned into Mr Tightwad. To the kids now.

But he's mean.

No, no, no.

He's, um, you know.

That their father is a queen?

No, of course not.

Queen Gloria.

Hello, Gary.

Yeah, well, after nine, we'll use this place for the week. James, my dear.

What's your thing to Gary?

What on earth is James doing here without Alex keeping a watchful eye on

Hello, Roland, Gary. How are you?

Hello. Well, aren't you going to introduce us to your friend?

Terry, how's it going, mate?

Hello. Jess?

Here, come on, let's buy you a drink. No, no, I'm just here to take out the

plant. I thought you'd give them in the cabin, huh?

No, I won't hang about.

I'm speaking to your friend.

What's that supposed to mean? Oh, nothing, nothing. Just that I heard how

changed your living arrangements, like.

Now, listen, jazz.

Oh, leave off. It's just a joke.

That's my job. Got it? Got it, got it.

You sure you won't have another drink before you go? No, no, thanks, love. I'm

driving, aren't I?

Well, it's nice to see you again, Arthur.

Thanks for the lovely watch. No, I shove it on Alex's bill.

Why are you helping that bastard?

Gloria, I'm a businessman.

I've got to make a crust as well, haven't I? What else can I do?

Tell our love.

Do you want anything for supper?

Uh, no, thanks, no. I just want to get my head down, all right? Cheers.

Yeah?

It's me, Terry.

Well, what's your game? What do you want? Don't be alarmed. I'm not after

body. I just want to say something.

Yeah, what?

All right, all right. You don't have to sit there to say whatever it is, do you?

Don't be ridiculous.

I just want to apologise for my attitude since you've been here.

It was very childish of me. I mean, you're doing this for me as much as

and I do appreciate it, really.

Oh.

Yeah, well, all right, then.

Talk. Good.

So tomorrow we'll start afresh, yes?

Uh, your gear, Terry.

I saw your light was on, so I just come up.

Sorry if I disturbed you.

Oi!

Arthur! Arthur!

Where the bleeding hell have you been for the last three days?

Been a bit busy these last few days.

Them watches is moving well.

Oh, that's nice for you. Listen, don't you ever pull a stroke like that on me

again.

Like what?

You know like what. That get out the other day when you left my gear.

Terry, I am a sensitive man.

I know when not to intrude on people's privacy.

You're a joke, joke.

Little bit of levity to lighten the day.

I must say I was a bit taken aback at the time. And I thought, what, Terry?

Never. No.

Unless there's something you want to tell me. Do what? Make a few sales, Jim.

I've been to see Gloria.

Who's Gloria?

Alex's wife.

And?

You were right about Alex.

But wouldn't that worry you, mate? I saw a lot of old cases go that way in the

nick. But Alex has never been in the nick.

Very bitter about it, she is too.

Can't blame her, can you?

Wished him terrible things.

Bad enough being left for another woman, but a geezer?

I don't understand it, Terry. A man like that. What is happening to the world?

I mean, I'm a liberal -minded man, you know. Let live and let live, that's my

motto. But it seems to me the whole moral fabric of society is crumbling

our eyes.

I never knew you cared, Arthur.

Well, what's been happening then? Any aggro? Nah.

Nah, there's something not quite right.

How do you mean?

Well, I can't pin it down.

Well, for a start, he don't seem in the least bit bothered.

Well, naturally, he's got you here to look after him, hasn't he?

Yeah, you might be right.

Listen, I want to check out a few things. You stay here for a bit, all

Hey, leave off. I can't stay here with him.

Why not?

Oh.

Well, that's what you're being paid for.

Oh. Well, talking of which... Don't worry, you'll get weighed off.

Look, supposing something happens while you're gone?

Nothing's going to happen.

I can't be seen spending time alone with a...

I'm happily marrying a man.

Think of the positive side, Arthur.

Use it as a way of educating your mind.

Don't worry, he'll be here soon.

I'm not worried.

Not with you here, Mr Staley.

Jim, where's the little boy's room?

It's downstairs.

Ta.

Jim? Jim?

Thank God you're here. What's the matter with you? Why have you been so long?

Well, what's wrong?

Jim's disappeared.

That's terrific, isn't it? I leave you for an hour and you lose it. I didn't

lose him. I just went for a leak. When I come back, he wasn't here. It's your

fault. If anything happens to him... Nothing's going to happen to him. Oh?

Look, Arthur, you know how these little protection firms operate, right? They

find a new area to graft in, right? Pubs, clubs, restaurants, or in this

antique shops.

Then they exploit it to death, right?

You know, I suppose.

Well, I've just been to half a dozen antique shops on this manor, and not one

them has had anyone at the demand.

How do you know? They're not going to let on to you.

I can tell by their attitude, believe me.

So, what are you saying, then?

Well, I don't know, but...

I've just got this funny feeling that for some weird reason, Jolly Jim has

it all up.

Anyway, I've got another alternative.

Alternative? To the theory that your friend Alex was put in hospital by some

protection firm who wanted him out of the way.

Which reminds me, what was all that crap you gave me about abrasions?

Oh, yeah, well, um, I didn't want you to worry.

That the same thing would happen to me.

Terrific. Thanks a lot, pal.

Never mind about that. What's this alternative you're going on about?

Alex's old woman, Gloria. She could have set him on.

Eh? Well, you said yourself how bitter she was. Wish terrible things on him.

She could have paid someone to play bumper cars on her old man.

Gloria? No.

No, it's not her style.

Arthur, you only knew them when they were Mr and Mrs Happy Couple.

They left no wrath, as they say.

No, it's fury that they say.

Well?

Well, it is possible.

Maybe I ought to go and pay her another visit.

No, no.

You're too pally with her.

I'll go.

I can't believe this.

I only came round here to see if you'd set your old man up for that hit and

And I told you I didn't.

Arthur said you'd say that.

Oh, so this was Arthur's idea, was it?

Well, it was sort of mutual, you know.

Well, that's what friends are for.

Well, Arthur's a friend of your old man's and all, you know.

Arthur's nobody's friend.

Not really.

You remind me of Alex when he was younger.

Well, let's hope I don't grow up like him, eh?

Yes.

Poor Alex.

Poor Alex?

Yeah, well, I feel sorry for him, really.

But Arthur said you were all bitter and twisted and wished terrible things on

him. Yeah, Arthur caught me at a bad moment.

Every now and then I...

I get overcome by resentment.

Usually when somebody reminds me that Alex is actually living with a man.

A man, for God's sake.

It doesn't last long.

I could never see him hurt.

Not physically.

I just had this feeling that Jolly Jim was making it all up and you were the

logical alternative.

Why do you call him Jolly Jim?

Well, he's gay, isn't he?

Yes.

Well, he's a bit of a fantasy merchant.

Who? My husband's friend, Jim.

He told us he'd never met you.

There you go, then.

Fantasy, life.

It's all part of the same thing.

Ooh.

Hello, Mr. Daly. Where's Terry, then?

Never mind where Terry is. Where the bloody hell have you been?

Out. I went for a walk.

I was finding it a little claustrophobic being continually watched.

I needed some time to myself.

Well, you should have told me.

If I'd told you, you'd have tried to prevent it.

Right.

That was a stupid thing to do.

Don't try it on again.

I used to go round there at the beginning.

When I first had my suspicions.

Confront him when Alex wasn't around.

He'd deny it.

Say it was absurd to suggest that he and Alex had that sort of relationship.

God.

At least if it was a woman, I could have scratched her eyes out or something.

Then when Alex confessed, it all seemed a bit pointless, hadn't it?

Oh, my God.

Yes? Hello, Gloria? Oh, it's Arthur here. Oh, hello, Arthur. That is Terry,

that. Yes, he's here.

Hello, Arthur.

He's back.

Said he wanted to go for a walk on his own.

But he's OK, right?

Nothing's happened to him?

That is not the point, Terry. Something could have. Still could. You'll get back

here right away.

But, Arthur, nothing's going to happen. McGee's is a fantasy merchant.

What? Has Gloria said something? She admitted anything.

Well, she, um... She has revealed a few things.

Revealed?

What has she revealed?

Arthur, please, I'm a gentleman.

What are you talking about?

Don't worry about it. I'll see you later, all right?

Never mind later. You get back here right now.

Mr. Daly, the two men I spoke of have returned.

Terry! Terry!

Who's this?

Oh, just a passing punter, you know, browsing round.

Goodness me, is that the time?

Well, thank you for letting me look round. I really must be going now.

I asked, who is he?

Mr. Daly is my minder, I believe. No, no, no, not minder, no.

Security advisor.

Well,

thanks for everything, really.

Smashing. My pleasure.

When you see Arthur, tell him he's a bastard.

And that watch he gave me stopped.

Yeah, that figures.

Please, don't talk to me about watches that don't work. Not when I'm in shock.

Oh, thanks, Jim.

You were out of order leaving me here on my own. Out of order.

You agreed to it. I did not agree. I was manoeuvred in a moment of weakness.

All right, so I was wrong. Now you see what I have to put up with. Look, we

have our role. Yours is muscle, mine is managerial. Oh, don't keep on.

I don't feel very well.

You can lie down in my room if you'd like.

Oh, no, no, no, thank you.

Listen, what do these two geezers look like? Ugly, very ugly, and I never want

to see them again.

We'll just have to wait and see if they show again, won't we?

Won't you?

Here, come on, come on.

I'll help you to the car, right?

So, come on, what's the SP on Gloria?

Oh, well... Oh, my good God, you never... Terry, you are disgusting!

If Gloria Brockton is a personal friend of mine, what's Alex going to say when

he finds out, eh? You think you're bothering too much in the circumstances?

Terry, it's his wife.

Who's his wife?

Drive carefully, dear.

Well, this is exciting.

You always watch a bit of telly.

Help yourself to another drink, if you'd like.

No, I'm all right.

Listen, why did you tell Arthur you'd never met Alex's wife?

I don't know.

Didn't want any complications.

But... Have you got a chime on you,

Arthur?

Dave, I have to tell you, this is not my day.

What's this then?

Seller's market, is it?

It's like this sometimes.

Where's Terry?

Oi, what's this?

You're not supposed to be sitting here. What are you doing?

I'm doing what I'm supposed to be getting paid for.

Ah, you haven't paid me for your grand's watch yet.

You pay me and I'll pay you.

Three.

Seem to be shifting a lot of goods.

Yeah, slightly sometimes.

That's funny.

That's what Jim said.

He says it to everyone.

Anything happening?

Have a look yourself. Not a paper turning to the paper here. Any aggro?

No.

Well, there is one thing.

What's that?

I'm suffering from a terminal case of boredom.

Never mind that. The longer you're here, the bigger an earner we're on. We?

I've got to go and see Alex, give him a sort of progress report. See, I was just

checking up.

I must confess, Terry, I don't fancy facing him. Not since I learned about

you know.

Don't worry, he can't make a path that you'll blasted up.

That is not what I meant, and you know it.

He's a mate of mine.

Drinking partner.

Give him a kiss from me.

You know, don't you?

No.

Know what?

Oh, come off it.

Me and Jim.

I suppose it was inevitable you'd suss it out.

I just, well... I just didn't know how to tell you.

I'd rather not discuss it, Alex, if you don't mind.

It's not something a person can help, you know.

I mean, I don't dress up in drag or anything. Please.

Anyway, I just wanted you to know that...

For my part, it doesn't alter our relationship.

Then?

Terry ran?

Like a rabbit. A minute ago before you arrived. I could hardly believe it.

Neither could I.

Which way are they chasing him?

Please, I've only recently had a transplant.

Would you mind not pulling it too hard?

My friend will be upset if I lose it again.

No, please.

Please. Can't we just talk about this?

I don't see any point in getting my face broken for what was basically a favour.

A favour?

Yes. My friend and I were only actors. We were only employed.

Scare you off. Well, set it up, then.

Jim, actually.

Jim?

I'm gonna believe this. Ah!

Help!

Help!

Help! Arthur!

Arthur!

You the gentleman who called the fire brigade, sir?

Ah, yes, officer.

Citizen has his duty.

You know the man up there, then, do you, sir?

Eh, sort of.

Vaguely. Perhaps you could tell me, then, what he was doing on the roof of

private premises.

Me? Why should I know?

You all right?

You're never going to believe this, Arthur.

Perhaps I'll believe it, sir.

Oi.

Yeah, and you can come and explain it to your friend in the hospital. I've told

you there is nothing to explain. Never mind that. Just get in the car, will

I just want to explain, Alex, it was not my idea.

Well, what would he want to do with a thing like that for?

Well, that's what the loon on the roof said, and he was pretty convincing.

Is this true?

No, of course not. Absolute rubbish.

I'm sure it's all a terrible mistake.

Jim has been doing marvellous business while you've been laid up in here.

There's hardly anything left in the shop. Practically empty.

What? What do you mean, practically empty?

That's what it's there for, isn't it? To sell.

Arthur, I am not selling ice cream on a hot day.

The quality of prices in my shop must shift about maybe three or four pieces a

week. Listen, these actors said our friend Jim, so maybe you know him as

one of them.

Well, he had his barnet thatched.

That sounds like George and his mate.

They get down this club we use.

That's not all, is it?

Oh, dear.

Why?

Why? All right, it's true.

You had this done to me.

No, of course not. It was a genuine accident.

Then what? It was because of you.

What you did?

Me?

What have you done with my stock?

I've been selling it off.

Considerably below market value.

Kill you! Kill you! It wasn't my idea, you know.

It was that wife of yours, Gloria.

Gloria? She came to see me just after the accident.

Told me you'd been seeing someone behind my back.

A woman.

I'm sure you shouldn't get so excited. Shut up, Arthur.

It's a lie.

Whatever that bitch told you is a lie.

She gave me her name and address.

And did you check it out?

Well, no.

She was convincing.

Oh, yes, Gloria is convincing.

If you'd have bothered to check it out, you'd have found it was probably one of

her mates that she'd persuaded to collaborate.

Yes.

But I believed her.

I was hurt.

It was her that thought up the story about the protection mob. I was to tell

that to worry you.

To upset you because you were helpless in here.

What about Morristock?

That was her idea as well, I swear to you, Alex.

We would have split the proceeds and I would have had enough to go away

somewhere.

Start a new life without you.

The trouble was, things got complicated when those two arrived.

I thought you'd find out, so I hired George and Charlie to make it seem true.

You've done this to me.

After all I gave up, after all I'd done for you, you turned me over.

I'm sorry, Alex. Truly, I am.

I thought I'd lost you.

Please forgive me.

In case you want to get in touch with me.

My home number.

I'll send Terry over with a bill when... a bit more convenient.

I'm going to get you, mate. It takes all sorts.

Oh, Mr Daly.

Mr Daly.

I'd like to have a word with you. please about this watch i bought from you uh

terry i think you really will have to have a word with that slippery fellow

sold you this stuff job like yeah yeah and i'll take my granny along too shall

situation.

Right people, right time, just the wrong location.

I've got a good idea.

If you keep me near, I'll be so good for you. I could be so good

for you. I'm gonna help you. Love you like you want me to.

Peace on earth for you.