Original subtitles

I could be so good for you.

Love you like you want me to.

I could be so good for you.

Love you like you want me to.

I don't have any of those that are bound, do you?

Big girl when she grows up?

Boy,

young enough to be your daughter. What's wrong with that?

That's what keeps me young.

I thought it was Phyllis Ann in Grecian 2000.

You can be very hurtful sometimes, Terence.

Little doll.

See, that's what her indoors don't understand.

A young bird like that around keeps you feeling young.

I mean, look at that Picasso.

He always had a few young birds about.

Kept him going until he was 90 -odd.

Paintings weren't all that.

Arthur.

Well, Stan.

All right?

Yeah, yeah.

Terry.

Stan.

Couldn't do us a favour, could you?

How much is it going to cost me?

Don't get me wrong.

Do you think you could change it for me?

Oh, you and Scotch Harry had a bit of a tickle.

I know.

Just a bit of luck.

It's a good 'un.

I'll just see what the exchange rate is.

Could I have a light ale and all?

Do us a favour, Dave. I've got some of my holiday money left over. Change that

for me.

Straight, is it?

Of course it's straight.

Think I'd better the Seychelles with naughty money.

About $2 a pound, isn't it?

Oh, I don't think it's as much as that.

No? Well, give us 40 and 5 and you and your good lady have a drink. Oh, and my

usual. Oh, and light ale.

You all right?

Yeah, yeah.

You look a bit worried.

No, no.

Honest.

I thought I'd buy a new cardigan on Monday.

Nice.

Here you are, Stan.

Oh, charm.

Have I given up?

I thought you were taking it easy, Terry.

Oh, you always come here Saturday afternoon and sit here with an empty

don't you?

Here you are, Stan.

Eight fibres.

Is that all?

It's a rate of exchange, isn't it? It varies from day to day. I didn't realise

that. Oh, yeah, especially on a Saturday afternoon.

Something to do with Switzerland.

Is Scotch Harry all right?

Oh, yeah.

He's terrific.

You got any more of those lurking about?

Hundred dollar bills?

Well, to tell you the truth... Yeah, yeah, I like that, Stan.

There is a few more.

Just a few, like?

Well, why don't you get Scotch Harry and we'll do a bit of business.

He's barred in here. No, I'll square it with Dave. As long as he's with me. He

won't come out.

Why not?

You could come round.

He wouldn't like it, but if you've got some time... Yeah, that's a good idea.

Never know, might get a drink.

Who have you got with you?

Arthur and Terry.

What did you bring them for?

Look, just open up, I'll explain.

Did you get that carry out?

Two bottles of wine, cranberry, lemonade, some cans of lager.

I thought I used too much.

Arthur changed the dollars.

So what?

You can change them anywhere.

I don't need these guys.

All right, that's fair enough.

Come on, it ain't exactly trade of Vicks, is it? No, no, no, just a minute,

Terry. I think Harry's got a problem.

I'm drinking that. I'm not surprised.

Oh, tell him, Harry, please.

Where will you go, you biggy jet?

We'll home and die.

Why don't you pop the door, then?

He picked the wrong guy's pocket.

Give that up.

Oxford Street, full of Arabs.

You ever try to pick an Arab's pocket, all you end up with is a handful of

terraline sheeting.

We was working the air terminal.

All right, I'll tell them.

It was all your fault anyway.

Right.

So we were working the air terminal.

I'm looking for a handbag. A fleet bag.

A suitcase.

I mean, a fistful of credit cards and a cheque would do us nicely.

I'm plotting this young guy, right?

The luggage looks good.

And when this bird appears, he puts down the case. That looks really good.

He's shooting the odds. Why is he late and all that?

Me? I'm in there like Kenny Dalglish with an open goal.

I'm off, and they haven't even noticed.

I'm heading for Big Stan, right?

Then Rycott appears.

DC Rycott.

I thought he'd get kicked off the manor.

I mean, that guy knows me better than my brother.

I'm a magic runner, but I'm a wee bit out of training.

Fried chicken.

Chips.

Chocolate trifle.

I could have had a fourth course dinner if I hadn't been so knackered.

See some of the restaurants.

They ought to be nicked.

Big Stanley to take my good suit to the cleaners.

What's your worry then? You got a result, didn't you?

Maybe I, maybe no.

Why not? Well, how come Rycott's not been round here looking for me? How come

you're still here waiting for him?

I don't know.

So you nicked a fellow's suitcase.

You think Rycott's going to give up his Saturday off just for that? Why not?

You'd give up your Saturday off for this.

Get up, you.

How much?

Couldn't he, could he?

Gave up.

About half a million.

A lot, isn't he?

Yes, it is a lot.

Even Arthur's rate of exchange.

Nothing on the news?

No. No, Bill.

Hey, what are you doing?

Oh, bit of a thief. Couldn't resist nicking the hotel's notepaper.

Fontwell.

Smart, comfy.

What nationality was he?

Who the hell should I know?

What airline was he going on?

Oh, that Yankee one. Come in.

Twa? T -W -A, you twit.

Anyway, what is it, Marta? Well, maybe we can find him.

What for?

What for?

Because you're going to have to hand it back, aren't you?

Are you kidding?

No, my little Scotch friend, I am not kidding.

He's right, Harry.

People get killed for that sort of dough.

Move.

How are they ever going to find me? Who knows?

But I'd put a banker bet on your coupon they're going to be looking.

You want a form book guide, Harry?

You'll have a few more of those psychedelic cocktails. We'll be out on

street, pubbing it, clubbing it, flashing your wad, telling everyone

master criminal of the century.

Two days and half London will know. I mean, Harry, you've jumped from the

Scottish Second Division straight into the European Cup.

And I'm going to win it, I know.

Oh, listen to him. He's like the Ali McLeod of the bag -snatching set.

That's the news, too.

I've done that business, OK?

No, you're talking about giving it back.

Not all of it, Harry.

Obviously, there'll be some disbursements involved.

Aye. Commission expenses.

Mainly for you and Stan.

A bit for me and Terry.

Oh, come, you two.

Suddenly I learned the act. Because you're in trouble, old son, and you're

to need looking after.

He's right enough. I shan't just face you.

You want helping?

You don't want helping?

Hey, what are you doing?

Stay here. I'll be back in a bit.

Hold on. Wait. Wait just a minute.

Listen. What are you talking about, stay here?

What happens if he gets a pull?

I'm sitting there with a bag full of dollars. The old bill comes in. What am

going to say?

Oh, yeah. I always spend my Saturdays with Scotch Harry at one of his little

cocktail parties. The law won't come round.

What about the other mob, then?

They've got that sort of dough. They're going to be a bit tasty, aren't they?

I'll be back soon.

Oh, you'll be back.

Oh, that's all right, then. That's really put my mind at rest, hasn't it?

earning, Terry. With something like this, we've got to be earning.

Do you know what? I could do with all that money.

I could get myself an oil rig.

You'd be better off with a distillery.

Listen, don't come at you cockney hard case.

What do I need you for?

I mean, you think I can't do the bizzo myself?

Don't you worry about that, Jimmy.

I can do the bizzo myself.

I've got a not guilty for manslaughter.

You probably never did it.

Aye.

But how are they in your life?

Harry's brand new.

And don't you forget it.

Aye. What was that?

It's all right. It's all right. It was a cat flap.

You sure?

Well, you'll hear the other lot.

They're probably coming firing submachine guns.

Look, Maurice, if I'd set it up, I wouldn't have come back here, would I?

you were very brave.

Isn't that so, Eric? Or incredibly stupid.

Look, I may... Listen, Brian.

We've had a very efficient system. In our business, everybody's accountable.

You to me, I to certain people in France, they to certain people in

We go through England because English people going abroad are never searched

their customs.

We have a very good arrangement at Munich airport with the unloading staff.

Half a million dollars lost.

In my position, would you believe your story?

The man grabbed the bag and ran towards the...

You are simply a pretty appendage to Brian.

Your job is to look like an attractive secretary going abroad with your boss or

boyfriend. Please don't interrupt again.

Brian, you've drawn attention to yourself.

And in our business, that's a very serious mistake.

Okay.

And I'm sorry.

But look, I think we've got an ally.

Who? Well, this... Detective Constable Rycott. He knows the guy who snatched

bag. Now he also knows you. Well, he knows my name, but not my address.

Well, okay, he knows I've got something to hide.

But if the price is right, he'll find that bag snatcher for us. It didn't

to you that he might be setting you up? Well, of course it did.

What other chance have we got?

Eric, will you get me some mineral water, please?

Hey, he's one of the laggers.

He'll be better off with a stomach bump.

Ah, you sharp, you cockney. All right, don't get cheeky, Harry.

Why not?

I haven't been hit by a bigger guy than you.

Big David McDougall tries to bite my nose off, lads.

Oh, what happened?

What happened?

I prize this false cheater.

Very clever.

With my bare hands.

Hey.

Me, Harry.

What does he mean, this me, Harry?

Doesn't even give a password.

We haven't got a password.

Of course, some of them kebabs.

I hate kebabs.

I told you I wasn't a chicken sobber.

It plays out in all they have. You'll never do anything right.

Listen, you scotty punks. If you don't like kebabs, you could be eating ken of

me. Take it easy, sonny, take it easy.

I only meant kebabs wasn't always my first choice.

What would we have in the old style of that?

These ones go magic.

Only luck will make them disappear.

Why are you so sure of this Rycott?

I'm not.

We sparred around for a little while.

I suppose you could see I was pretty shaken up.

I gave him a tale about company records and rewards.

Look, I don't know.

I could just tell he's the sort of cop who would give you your driving licence

with a £10 note stuck inside.

And then he arrests you.

and slaps on another charge for trying to bribe a police officer.

Look, Rycott got the message.

He knows that I want the bag and that I'm not worried about an arrest.

What about him?

Oh, he's said enough.

I mean, he'll arrest a bag snatcher. It's hardly overnight promotion.

He has his man's address?

Well, it'll take a day and maybe two. These people move about quite a bit.

Look, look, Rycott gave me his home telephone number. He's on our side,

It's still a very big risk.

If he finds out what's in the bag.

I told him all we needed was the address.

After that, I'd handle everything.

He'd get his reward.

Everything would be forgotten.

If he finds the man, he's in our pocket.

Unless he gets too greedy.

Can you find out about this Detective Constable Rycott, Eric?

Probably.

So, we have a little sneak thief.

And hopefully, a bent policeman.

Maurice, I put the bag down for 20 seconds.

Please, you've got to believe that.

Brian, it's all a matter of accountability, as I explained.

Are you frightened?

Yes. Good. You should be.

And dear Kim as well.

Right, all fixed.

Not much of a hotel, is it?

What do you expect? The top floor of the Dorchester?

I've taken care of everything.

Nobody's to know you're here.

I've told the geezer you're three oil men down from Aberdeen.

Terry, nobody goes out.

Yeah, OK.

Remember, you're all incognito.

See you soon.

Hello, Terry.

What are you doing here?

Incognito. I think we got the penthouse suite booked. Oh, yeah.

It's Scotch Harry, isn't it? Haven't seen you in years, Harry.

I'm not Scotch Harry.

I'm his brother.

Oh, yeah. Got it. Now, sign in, lads, and the first night's in advance.

I thought it had all been taken care of. Well, it ain't, and I've got to have a

deposit. Do you take credit cards?

No offence meant, but not from you, Harry.

Look, I told you.

You're maxing me out by my brother's. Oh, sorry about that.

Now, it's still seven quid a night, each in advance.

What's the room service like?

Just across the street.

A little off -licence, besides the packy grocery emporium.

It won't be one today.

Good morning, sir. Good morning, sweetheart. I wonder if you could do me

little favour.

A fella lost a bag here yesterday and a friend of mine found it and would...

Pardon me, sir.

It's a matter for our security people.

I don't know, sweetheart. See, I want to do him a favour. See, my friend thinks

I might be a small reward.

It's a matter for our security man and unfortunately he's not on duty at the

moment. Ah, well, there you are, sweetheart.

He's got the address. All he needs is a name.

It's not a crime just to give me the name, is it?

It was on the Munich flight, wasn't it? That's right.

He was doing a Neville Chamberlain.

I beg your pardon?

Never mind.

He was, uh, Mr. Brian Ashton. And he didn't take his flight?

No.

Thanks very much, sweetheart. You're doing a very good public relations job

here.

Don't suppose you ever get up to White City Saturday nights, do you?

Darling, you'd better go.

What do you mean? Get out of here.

But why? They don't believe us, that's why.

Look, the police guy's looking for the thief. And if he doesn't find him?

Anything Bonnie's going to believe if he sees that money sitting in front of

him?

Even then we're out of a job.

We've screwed it up.

These people don't believe in accidents.

Should have stayed selling insurance.

I don't want you hurt, Kim.

Hello?

Who wants to know?

Yes.

Yes, this is Brian Ashton speaking.

When?

Is it okay?

Yes.

Yes, I'm sure we have a little business to discuss.

What am I going to do, then? Well, just suss it out, that's all.

Listen, I could be walking into a load of trouble up there.

You're supposed to be the business brain.

Yeah, of course I am. That's why I'm sending you in there to meet him.

I want to reveal our hand.

What hand?

The fact that someone of my stature is involved in it.

Oh.

It's really going to terrify him, that, isn't it?

Possibly. In fact, more than likely, Terry.

Besides, you need a backup man outside.

I'd rather have a backup man inside.

Those people look out for Rycott.

You don't know him all that well.

You'd probably be out there with him. I'll give you a chance to meet him,

it? Stop worrying, Terry.

Just get in there and in the words of Scotch Harry, do the bizzle.

How

much

change have you got left?

About 15 quid. Now give us it.

What for?

Because it's my money.

What do you want it for?

To get a carry -out.

I'll get it. Hey, listen!

Do you know that I can cross the bloody street?

Our front Terry said not to go out.

So what?

You're forgetting who nicked that case.

I'm the guy that did the physical, OK?

I'm the one that should be giving the orders, not them two.

Right, give us the money. Oh, look, Harry. Never mind look.

I only want to cross the street and get a couple of bottles.

Breath of fresh air.

I mean, I'm no use to sitting in all day like this.

I'm basically an outdoor man. I come from Clyde Bank.

Oh, come on. I saw you coming with me.

Stan, with all this dough at stake, is it likely I'd do anything stupid?

I mean, who organises everything for us two? It's me, right?

I mean, I look after you more than you look after me, don't I?

My best pal.

Of course, Sam.

Well, just...

Give me a tenner and go and get a couple of bottles.

There.

How would you like to get you some crisps?

Nice.

Some of them cheese ones.

Barbecue bacon.

I like the cheese ones myself.

Go get the big bags.

Be good, that one.

Right.

Right.

Back before you know it, Stan.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Do we make

formal introductions?

No, I don't. He's not the guy who stole the bag.

I see.

You're some kind of a go -between.

An agent.

A sort of commission agent.

How much?

Well, since we got so lucky, and we don't want to rouse ourselves in on your

thriving little business, we thought 50 grand.

In coinage of the realm, of course.

Who exactly are we dealing with?

I don't want to know your name, and I ain't going to tell you mine.

Oh.

Professional.

Right. I think I should make at least one introduction.

This is Eric.

Eric was with the SAS.

Nice for him. He was the Sultan of Okrama's personal bodyguard.

Wasn't that the one who got shot?

After my time, old boy.

Well, I'm sure you're very handy, Eric. You obviously have somebody waiting

downstairs.

Obviously.

Don't you think 50 ,000 is a little excessive?

Well, half a million ain't exactly bingo money, is it?

Do forgive me.

I haven't even offered you a drink.

No, I won't be staying.

You agree the price, we deliver the bag.

How do we get in touch?

We don't.

We arrange the meet now.

After that, you don't see us, we don't see you. I hardly imagine we mix in the

same social circles.

Well, you never know who you're going to run into at the hunt all these days, do

you, Eric?

How true.

Tonight, ten o 'clock.

Is that it, then?

That's it.

That's surprising, really.

Good as gold. Very trusting.

Yeah?

I don't know they were all that trusting.

Eh? Don't look round.

I said don't look round tonight.

Being followed.

Oh, you're joking.

Soon find out.

Following are not all that well.

Yeah, that'd be the bold Eric.

Funny, really.

I thought he'd drop on us by parachute.

What now, then?

We hope the front door ain't locked.

What are you talking about, front door?

Now he's got one.

Highly trained killer.

He's not all that, is he?

I'll be fair.

Fair!

Oh, this is... Yeah.

Hey, how's it going, Fred?

Hello, Larry. Haven't seen you in a while.

Here's a drambuie and a half pint of lager. What do you like?

Don't he look after you?

I sort the load when I try and do it.

I stay in these days.

Epic.

It's the way it be, Harry.

Thank you.

Yeah, right.

Oh, it's all right, guys. Get in the car, Harry. Out to the right.

A bit too pissed for your 800 metres this time, eh? Eh, he's a prick.

What have I done?

Hey, listen, I was with my brother and my auntie.

When?

Ah, to hell.

Whenever you like.

I thought you were still over in E Division, Mr Rycock.

Yeah.

Well, I served my time, Harry, just like you, six years back as a wooden top.

Very sweaty in the summer, those uniforms.

Oh, sorry to hear that, Mr. Rycock.

I mean, you suit the plain clothes better.

You were always a nice dresser, Mr. Rycock.

I got a shock of my life when I saw you at that air terminal.

Fifteen years and still a bloody detective constable. You deserve better,

do, Mr. Rycock.

Not you, Harry.

Ah.

I just scrape by, you know what I mean? Well, that's what I'm doing, Harry, just

scraping by.

You could have been an inspector and been out.

Except for I'd be better in trouble with Mr. Ligon.

Good copper, Harry.

One of the best.

I mean, see, for a guy like me, you were always bad news, if you don't mind me

saying that.

Screwed up McPension.

See, some people know a...

Hey, Mr.

Rycock, we just passed the neck. Yeah?

Hey, what's the problem?

Well, you can't be doing with getting nicked again, can you, Harry?

Where are we going?

We're going to do ourselves a favor.

You see, I don't get any pleasure out of putting away guys like you.

It's not nicking people that counts, is it?

Rehabilitation. That's the approach these days, Harry.

Rehabil... I thought rehabilitation was learning your trade or sending you a

probation officer.

Yeah, well, they are a bit like that, these people. Do -gooders.

You do a good deal, you'll be all right.

Listen,

I want out of here. Shut up.

Don't think of it, Harry.

Broken legs.

attempting to escape from police custody, damage to my motor.

A good judge would stick 12 months on top of that.

Aye, right.

OK, have a wee drink, Mr Rycock.

Why not?

You wipe the top and I'll have one and all.

How could you, Stan? How could you? Stay in, I said. Nobody goes out, I said.

Just said he was going out for some crisps and a drink. Drink?

You let him go out for a drink?

Just the one.

He can't count one.

I mean, I've been working on his behalf. I've been grafting for him.

I've been face to face with a trained assassin.

Yeah? Albert, someone wants you on the blower.

Great, isn't it?

Nobody's supposed to know we're here. Now we're getting person to person

Scott Harry?

No, bloke wouldn't give his name.

I'm sorry, Terry.

Honest, I... Only give him... Only give him a tenner.

With one of them in his pocket, he could be anywhere, couldn't he?

Probably halfway to Spain for the next World Cup.

Mind you, it'd be the only Scott there.

Okay. So you've got our friend.

But we've still got the money.

What do you mean the situation's changed?

Do you know where we are as well?

No names.

Oh, great.

But we've still got the money.

An hour?

Yeah, I'll think about it.

I don't usually inhale these.

Scott Harry's just signed in at the Fontwell.

He's staying the night and we probably won't see him again.

So what do we do?

So you've got to make a choice, Stan.

Friendship or dollars.

He's my best pal.

Terry.

It'd be a terrible world without friends, wouldn't it?

Hold on.

Isn't that the Pink Panther?

Oh, yeah.

What about his comrades -in -arms?

He's on the payroll, isn't he?

Yeah, but how many others?

Nah, forget it. I think D .C. Raycott's doing a bit of freelancing.

Always was a greedy man.

Hello, Mr. Raycott. Hello, lads.

Long way off your manor, aren't you? I'm just waiting for a friend of mine.

Hope you're not going to nick him.

You haven't got a hidden microphone in there, have you, Arthur?

I can't believe you'd try and fit up an hard work in D .C.

Not my style.

Good.

Have a nice meeting, lads.

A pleasure to see you, gentlemen.

Eric will take the bag.

No, just a minute.

Your friend.

Was very cooperative.

Harry.

I did tell you that Eric was a skilled man.

Oh, hey, fellas, I'm sorry.

What could I do?

That big guy fairly did the busy on me.

You didn't have to do that.

We had to have names.

He's only a little guy.

But suddenly he was mixing with big guys.

There is an old myth.

The bigger they are, the harder they fall.

Don't believe it, Mr. Daly.

Small people, they disappear.

Nobody even cares.

You drop them in the river and they don't even leave a ripple.

We'll get you to the hospital, Larry.

I'll bring stuff.

500 pounds.

And you're lucky, Mr. Daly.

Now, wait a minute.

No argument, no threat.

Mistakenly, you involved yourself with a very big organization.

You caused us an inconvenience, but business was merely interrupted.

In half an hour, we can have disappeared.

So take your friend, go, and forget.

Bastard! He's my pal!

said, my friend, the smaller they are.

See to him, will you?

Come on.

Just one second.

Yes, sod it. Why not?

says you can never find one when you want one.

Now, I've never grasped on anyone in my life, Mr. Rycott, but there's a little

team up in room 1720 of very nasty people.

Look at that, eh, Mr. Rycott?

One of them pulled a button off my jacket.

So are you on duty, Rycott?

Because if you're moonlighting, sir, I don't think you're going to get paid

I'm nearly always on duty.

Good.

I think we've nearly made an honest copper of him.

Excuse me.

Yeah, come on, do me a favour. You know Scott Cherry's been barred here for six

months. Dave, he's with me.

I'll vouch for him. He'll be as good as gold.

Stop messing with our boat, Pagan.

I'm old, eh?

Yeah, well, any naughty behaviour and he's out, right?

On my landlord's life.

He's in my company.

Need I say more?

Yeah, talking of your landlord's life, you know that $100 you gave me on

Saturday? Yeah.

Well, it's a wrong offer.

You what?

I took it to the bank this morning.

The forgery.

Very good one.

Nevertheless, apparently they are all over the continent.

Forgery? A hundred dollars?

On my bank manager's life, Arthur.

So, you owe me 45 quid.

Honest, Dave, I don't know how that could occur.

Well, that is still nine fivers, Arthur.

Since you've got your hand in your pocket, that's a Drambu Shandy for him.

There's a light ale for him. What do you want, babe? A Bloody Mary.

A large Bloody Mary, I think. I'll have a large Bloody Mary. Slim light, you

know, watch that. Have whatever you like yourself.

Would you like a drink, love?

Anybody want a drink?

Right people, right time, just the wrong location.

I've got a good idea.

If you keep me near, I'll be so good for you. I'm

gonna help you. I do.