Original subtitles

Go to work. OK, what's the bet?

A dime to you, alright, a pair of kings for a dime.

Alright. my straight, sees you and raises you.

- Come on, Webster, concentrate. - Hey, you're gonna you come back and visit us?

What's there to come to? Another couple of years these machines will have your jobs

Not mine, someone's always gotta change the ribbon, right?

Come on, come on let's play.

I don't know, I think he'd got a straight. I'm out.

Me too, all yours.

Yes, I gotta get back to work fellas.

I'll see you and raise your dime Webster.

What do you need, a nine?

Let me see, there are two other nines showing... wait a minute.

There were 20 cards up... 32 down... 4 people playing...

- You need a nine, huh? - Wait a minute, what is this?

I make an honest bet, you go from programming?

You're bluffing.

You never would have made the bet without that damn computer, right?

Yeah.

That's one of my rules, never allow principles to interfere with victory.

- Taking the afternoon off? - I am taking the year off.

You can have my gold watch and white collar.

I don't understand you Webster, you are just gonna walk away from your whole life like this?

Ted, I don't like this life. I've got an accountant who steals from the government.

I've got doctor who lies for me so that I can steal from the insurance company.

The insurance company stealing from their clients.

Everybody is stealing from everybody...

And we work to computerize the whole mess.

- Right, but that is just the way things are. - Not for me, not anymore.

Anyway what I do is as a consolation get me my office that has a great view.

Thank you very much.

My best to your wife and children and don't forget your house payment.

What the hell are you so smug about? You're divorced and jobless.

Yeah, and you're married and working.

The time is 3:59, this is station KXISE Houston, Texas,

It's a bright sunny day, the temperature is about 75�,

the relative humidity is 99%, but it's a beautiful beautiful day.

At 7.30 our special guest is gonna be Sandy Koffat.

Howdy Ma'am,

Gosh, that was quick! I just called the man. I just hung up the phone.

- Called who? - Called to find me water and power.

They told they would send someone over in ten minutes.

Ten minutes, huh? Well, I picked up the call in my radio truck.

We aim to please, if the name of the game is service ma'am and here I am.

Thank you, thank you.

It always happens when the Henderlings are out of town.

Just as I suspected, the water is definitely off.

I'd like you to stay right here with the tap and I'm gonna check the gages in the house.

You watch it and yell when the water goes on, right?

- OK, this gonna take a long? - Shouldn't be more than 10 minutes.

How about now?

No, nothing.

I'll take the second floor.

Any water yet?

No, nothing.

ALARM SYSTEM. DOORS. WINDOWS. REAR STAIRS.

Sorry, I wasn't able to help you.

Damn, all the time I've been standing here?

There's a guy coming over who knows exactly what he's doing.

I do hospitals and apartments and things like that.

- Thanks for your help. - I'll never get the washing done.

What are you doing here man? Why you bothering me? What you want?

I have a proposition for you, Dynamite.

Wait wait, my name is not Dynamite. My name is Hector.

- Do not forget. - OK.

- I think you should hear me out. - What is it with you? Don't you understand English

I don't want to talk to you, I don't even know you and you're gonna get hurt.

Who is going to hurt me, you?

Keep bothering me man and I'm going to close both your eyes.

Try it.

You want to talk?

I got a place where we can talk.

Hey, all I want to do is talk to you.

Hey, how's that for talk huh?

That the hardest you can hit kid?

Pretty good man.

Time's up fellas.

You're OK kid. I like you.

Thank you.

- I hope black. - Yeah?

You OK?

Hey, champion!

Mr. Deams, my friend.

- Mr. Deams? - It's my name.

I�m Webster McGee.

He's the one I told you about, my friend, from the gym, with the left hand.

I've dealt with him for ten years still can't understand a word he says.

- What is it you want bright eyes? - I'm gonna have some goods to sell you.

I don't need TV, hubcaps, or...

- This is not hubcaps. - He's not talking about hubcaps.

- It's hip stuff. - I'm your man.

What about the financial arrangement?

You are going to get as a good a deal with me as you are going to find.

Give you the best deal in town man.

You can't find a better deal any place else.

There's two ways you can go.

I can get 50 percent of the value of the item or you can play the insurance game.

- What's the insurance game? - A very simple game.

What we do first of all is sell it back to the insurance company.

We sell it back to them for ten percent and they don't look for us and don't help the police.

- It's very simple man. - We talking?

You brought me here to talk to him.

The insurance companies are doing well enough without us.

- Yes so... - Alright, then we go my way.

The split is 50 - 50.

I thought it was 60 - 40 and you were the 40.

You know that the rates are flexible man.

- High living cost... - You called me, I did not call you.

A telephone call is ten cents, not ten percent.

I think it's a good deal, because you're not going to get a better deal any place else man.

- Maybe in California, but... - 45 percent, that's as good as I can do.

- Oh, no no no no, 45 percent, no - You're on.

It's a good deal.

Oh! Jesus!

Son of a bitch!

What the hell did you think you're doing? This is private property.

Get out of here before I call the cops.

Yes, sir, I'm sorry. We didn't know you were here. Leaving right away.

There he is.

- You got something for me? - I do, I do.

Hey, these are still in the set. Come here.

Now don't ever bring me stones that are set. Understand that?

That's about the easiest way there is boy to get caught.

Look at this.

That's gonna go four or four and a half carats.

- That's clear cut, good tone huh? - Come here with that.

Chess burglar.

- You heard about that huh? - Newspapers gave you some nice reviews.

What kind of dumb trick you think you were pulling?

That's dumb boy, plain dumb.

I don't think it's dumb. It's got style man.

- Stay out of it, will you. - I don't have to stay out of it.

This is a free country, right? I can say what I want.

Look, that's just one of those damned things you read in a book.

Yes, that will bring about 7,500. It's a nice piece.

Just leave that alone, I want it just as it is.

The newspapers say you don't know about chess man.

- Oh? - I got the reviews right here.

It says "Obviously, the thief doesn't know the game well".

"According to the rules, the white pawn always has the first move. "

- Everyone knows that. - You know something? I didn't know.

- You didn't know that? - No, and I don't give a damn either.

- It's common knowledge, everybody knows that. - Ma�ana Dynamite.

Ma�ana? Don't call me Dynamite.

I thought you were Dynamite, the great boxer I was hearing about all the time.

Not to mention my boxing days. I'm very sensitive.

Can we just talk a little business here!

Coming, according to my calculations...

...we're going to net out about $ 20,000 on it.

$ 20,000!

$ 20,000! I'm getting my Jaguar car!

- Come on, let's get out of here. - 20 thousand!

- That's my handkerchief man. - Can I keep this?

Of course, I have two at home.

Another thing, Sergeant, I'd like you to photostat all the films.

You're gonna help us a little bit?

I got some issues not going too well.

OK. You got any ideas?

- Sure, he plays chess. - Oh you're great.

You know what I'm going to do? I'll quit the force and I�ll join an insurance company.

Oh no, don't do that. You got more money and you got a better pension plan.

Follow me at "Stephaninos". I'll meet you there.

Hello, my name is Webster McGee. I broke into your safe last week while you were in Europe.

Did you have a nice trip, Gene?

I think a new young enterprising district attorney might find some

of these interesting.

Is this the one where you were able to get the Highway Commission to put the highway right through your property?

- This is called blackmail. - A nasty word but accurate.

Oh you bastard.

Now I'm surprised, here's your change.

- Have a good weekend. - Yes, thanks, same to you.

What are you doing this to me for? How much you want?

Don't ne so crass. Not everybody is interested in money.

I just want to be around you.

- I wanna be your friend. - Hardly.

And as your good friend I want to meet all of your other good friends.

You must be out of your mind.

I am well educated Gene and I have recently come into a great amount of money.

Some of it is yours, and like you...

I am a connoisseur of fine secretarial talent.

You'd be proud of me.

- $ 25,000 make us friends? - No.

- 50,000? - No,

But maybe that dinner that you're throwing next week might.

You can introduce me as an old business acquaintance, now retired.

Retired? You could probably be my son.

Don't worry, Gene, I won't embarrass you.

And I'd like to meet your wife, they tell me she's eh...

she's a lovely hostess. Keep these I have plenty more.

- That's very considerate of you. - See? We're friends already..

Hello Gene, thanks for inviting me.

I'd show you around, Webster, but I think you already know the place. Come on.

- Webster McGee. This is my wife Arleen. - Mrs Henderling, thank you for having me.

- My son Biff. - Sir.

- How are you? - Well, sir.

- What school you go? - Johnston sir.

We are very proud of him. Tell the Mr. McGee that play you're in.

At the Miller Theater sir, for the Houston Shakespearian Society.

"A Midsummer Night's Dream". I've had marvelous reviews

And the director thought I was most talented.

- What part do you think I play? - Pucky.

- Yes. - Good boy.

Webster and I had a little business deal together.

I see, take him around and introduce him to the guests.

- You have a lovely home here. - Thanks. Come back to see us again.

Enjoy yourselves.

Stay away from my family, will you. Please.

Webster McGee. Mr. and Mrs. Klepper.

How are you?

- Miss Foster.. - How are you doing, so handsome.

- Mr. and Mrs. Lenny.. - Are you going to stay very long?

- Hope so. - What line of business are you in sir?

Well, Gene and I are working on a couple things together.

- You got a good partner in Gene? - I know, I know.

He brought me all the way from California for this.

I think he certainly knows the ropes around here.

You understand Gene and I got to see eye to eye all the time on the oil depletion allowance.

All these Harvard boys can think about is oil depletion allowance.

- His family put him in the business. - Excuse me.

He must have hit a dry hole.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Sybill is from South Carolina.

Gene. Excuse me, Gene, who's that?

That's Laura Keaton.

I think you'd be in a little over your head.

Well, then I'll just do all the talking to your wife.

Wait a moment.

I think you might enjoy her.

Laura, this is Webster McGee. Webster, this is Laura Keaton.

- How do you do. - How do you do.?

I think you two might have a great deal in common.

- Thank you, Gene. - Don't mention it.

- Why do you think he meant by that? - I haven't the faintest idea.

Nothing about me is at all common.

I noticed that.

You're too beautiful to be any good.

- Any good at what? - What else is there?

Something tells me we're off to an interesting start.

Gene did say we had something in common.

Maybe I have been selected as a potential reformer.

No, only the wives want to reform me. The men like me the way I am.

- What are you do anyway? - I do what I want.

I mean your profession.

Oh I guess you could say I am an independently wealthy retired former business man.

Hm. Independently retired wealthy retired former businessman.

What difference does it make what I do?

Oh, I have never met a man of character who does not have some sort of profession.

- I'm a jewel thief. - You are a jewel thief!

This is really a great house! You live here?

I'm glad you like it.

Well?

Well what?

Aren't you going to break in?

- Do you want me to break into your house? - Mhm.

Oh I can't. I mean I can't. I don't have the outfit.

I have a wonderful outfit that I wear. Black hat, with gloves and...

Ok. Ok. Take a card.

If you want me, I'll be inside.

This is fantastic, Laura!

Laura. Hey, silence.

- Webster, let's go. - What do you mean let's go, we just got here.

Well, this isn't exactly my house.

What do you mean not exactly your house? Either it is your house or it isn't.

- It isn't. - It isn't.

- Laura, whose house is this? - The Tylers.

And who are the Tylers?

If you remember the people we met tonight at the party.

- The lady with long earrings. - How well do you know the Tylers?

- I don't know them well at all. - You don't know them well at all

and we are breaking into their house? You can get me arrested!

They would arrest me too Webster.

Yes, but unfortunately they don't put men and women in the same cell.

Whose house is this?

It's mine.

I believe you.

- What is this place? - What do you mean place? It's my house.

Where is your furniture?

Who needs furniture? Come on.

- Who's your decorator? - I'll tell you later.

This is the tunnel of love.

Yeah.

- It's quite a place you got here? - It's different, isn't it?

It certainly is.

- When did your gardener die? - He didn't.

When my father died I came back from Europe and found I had inherited this place.

Well you certainly keep it up.

What can I do, it's in trust.

I am not able to sell it, I pay a lot incredible taxes on it and can't afford to keep it up.

So I just live here.

I think you like it.

Maybe I do, I don't know.

You're not really blackmailing Gene, are you?

Well, I'm not interested in the man's money. I'm only using him for introductions.

You've already met the only interesting person he knows.

That's true.

But I want to meet all those uninteresting people.

The ones with interesting bank accounts.

It helps to know the people you're gonna rob.

What does it feel like to you when you break into somebodies house?

Like a heart attack with a lot of fear thrown in.

That's what it felt like to me too. It's exciting.

Yeah, it's also exciting to me.

- I love you, Webster. - Really?

No, but almost.

- So nice of you to ask us us, Laura. - Pleasure.

- Happy to be here. - You look wonderful. - You look beautiful.

Thanks. See you inside.

- Can I help you? - Yeah, looking for a large dog in heat.

- It's fast. - Tested this afternoon, it goes...

Will outrun any police car of the delta.

I hope I don't have to use it.

Come on, Wendy.

Nice dog.

Inside!

- One thing is not so good. - What?

I had no problem with the plates, but the registration, could not get it.

Do not worry. It's cool.

Yeah.

Right, see you later.

- The Slaters are at the party. - That means they're not home.

Webster,

be careful.

Wendy, you're going to be the belle of the ball.

Oh God.

- Are you alright? - Yeah Yeah. I'm fine.

- You alright? - Yes I'm alright but I'm so terribly sorry.

- It was my fault. - No problem madam, honestly.

I have a brother who has a body shop and he'll prime this out for nothing.

You know, accidents happen. My motto is "forgive and forget. "

Some problem? seems to be the trouble?

No trouble officer, nobody hurt, minor damage, been taken care of.

- We will resolve it ourselves. - It's all my fault, officer!

- It will only take a minute to make a report. - No, I don't want to press charges.

In fact, I am partially at fault. I shouldn't have stopped here.

Your driver�s license and registration, please.

I want to cooperate with you officer!

May we have your driver�s license and registration, please.

It's in the car.

Is everything alright?

I'll tell you about it some time.

- You're 40 minutes late. - Keep smiling.

- Yes? - Mrs. Keaton?

I'm Dave Reilly, Texas Mutual.

I'm investigating several thefts that were mad by the chess burglar.

My company is carrying a policy on the stolen jewelry. I was wondering if I can I talk to you, madam?

- It's not very convenient right now, could you... - The chess player burglar!

We were just reading about him. What do you think of him?

I think he's a bum, like all thieves.

But then how come you haven't caught him?

Come on in.

- Make yourself comfortable. - Thanks.

You're moving in or moving out?

Mr. Reilly, this is Webster McGee. Mr. Reilly of Texas Mutual.

- How do you do sir.. - How do you do.

His card.

Miss. Keaton, I want to inform you that you are under no compulsion to answer my questions.

I'm only an insurance investigator and not an officer of the law.

Well how can I help then? What do I have to do with an insurance company?

A diamond worth $ 186,000 was stolen from Mrs. Slater.

She and her husband told me that were at a costume party that evening

Yes, they were.

- How well do you know the Slaters ma'am? - Oh, very well, I've known them for years.

I see it was a charity ball, how many people attended?

- 200 - 200, huh?

You wouldn't have a list of the guests, would you?

No, I wouldn't.

It was your party, surely you have the invitational list?

- No, I don't. - Yes, you do, Laura.

Yes, you do, I saw it in that... it's in the cabinet, under some papers. I saw it.

I don't think so, but I'll have a look. Excuse me.

- Lovely, isn't she? - Yes.

- Nice place you got here. - Yes. Take a look.

Let me ask you something if I may.

Why would you need a list of the guests at the party?

It's just routine. It saves us investigating couple hundred people.

But certainly these people are above suspicion?

- I mean if you still socialize. - oh yeah.

It was a carefully planned burglary. What we can't figure...

...is how he got past the dogs. Slater has got a couple of premium dogs.

Maybe he brought along a bitch in heat.

No.

Webster, you were right. I thought I threw it away.

- This is everyone I invited. - Oh, good.

By pulling down this list, do you think you remember if people who were there?

Oh, a few possibly.

How about you Mr. McGee? You were there weren't you?

Yes, that's is me, right here. The Amslers were there, the...

Well, you have to remember there were 200 people in and out.

- All night, wearing costumes. - Oh yes, of course.

Is it alright for you if I take this back to the office and make a copy?

and mail it back to you. It saves me a lot of work.

- Yes, fine. - Thanks very much.

I don't want to trouble you any more and want you to know that

- Texas Mutual appreciates your cooperation - No trouble at all.

- Sorry to interrupt your morning.. - Come again any time.

- Come again any time? - He's just doing his job.

I like him.

It's a few ideas we've been kicking around in the office.

study up on chess.

Some of that crap that we aren't getting.

Also get in touch Driscoll on the west coast he'll know first if any hot stuff shows up.

I already did that!

Also check on that stupid Deams rascal, and that Mexican, what's his name...

What do you think I'm doing?

Certainly would help me in my investigation of the chess burglar.

Oh yes, That fellow. I see he struck again last night.

What do you think of his style of play?

Amateur, he knows nothing about chess.

His moves are totally meaningless.

That's why I've come to see you.

Challenge him to a match, I think he might respond.

Don't be ridiculous, I couldn't take him seriously. He's a dilettante.

- Come on, help us catch him. - I couldn't do that.

Why not? You'd be a hero.

You could be another Bobby Fischer.

I'll use the white, for justice and purity.

- Are you scared? - Do you expect a top prize?

Stop that gentlemen, please.

Gentlemen... please.

I have the first move in the chess burglar challenge match\.

I move a pawn, pawn, to queen four.

Why did you make this move?

Of course I don't win an advantage...

How long do you think it will take to beat him?

- Around 11 minutes. - Do you think it's easy?

- No, I mean... - Do you expect to finish in 90 seconds?

Of course I'll finish the match.

What arrogance.

This Zukovski has challenged me to a match, right on page one.

Who's he?

Houston Post's chess columnist.

Now if he wins, I'm supposed to give myself up.

What happens if I win?

- You're not going to fall for that, are you? - Why not?

They're playing my game now. Obviously they like my style.

And you'll love their style. Especially their stylish prisons!

This man is a chess expert, You don't stand a chance.

Now, Johnson in MIT programmed a computer for chess.

- I wonder if I can. - That's cheating.

It certainly is.

I mean, there's got to be something you can tell me about this guy.

- From all these moves he's made. - No, no, not really.

He's playing a very classic game, I right out of some text book I suspect.

Nothing very original. He's good? He's good...

He's playing the game that Mayerhoff played at Berlin in 1924. Much like that.

Oh, Mr. McGee? Dave Reilly of Texas Mutual.

Again? I'm fine thanks.

I was just worrying if we could get together for a little chat.

Just some more routine, you know. Perhaps we could meet some place for a drink.

Ah, yes, well I see...

Well that'll be alright. The exercise won't do me any harm. I'll look for you. Certainly.

But you know how I appreciate your cooperation.

Right. Bye.

With Alvin Heiss he has a second left to go in the game. He shoots a third...

not a good shot, in it goes but we win.

And ain't from die-harders, run for my health.

Down here every day, it's the only one thing that keeps me a runner.

I'd like to ask you a few more questions.

Yeah, go ahead. Shoot.

I'm convinced the chess burglar knew that Slater would be at the masquerade.

Seems reasonable, so what?

The best source of information comes from the people at the party.

And now you investigated the people at the masquerade...

I have.

A guess reading check I was looking for someone who was there who didn't

- ... fit. - An outsider?

- That's right. - I shouldn't be so hard to find such a person.

It wasn't. There is one, only one in fact.

What's he like?

His father was a bank lawyer, he grew up on the west coast.

Won a scholarship, captain of an athletic team in college.

- Sounds outstanding.. - Oh, he was.

Prized away with honors, married his college sweetheart.

He has a promising job at a growing company, then...

- Had a divorce. - You guess.

And suddenly everything changed for him.

Quit his job as a computer engineer, became a gigolo.

Started loafing around, turned out living off

the rich young society.

Well, that's certainly no crime David,. some people might even say it's a good life.

It's enough to make someone very suspicious.

- Maybe you should arrest him? - I would if I had a charge.

Oh, you haven't got a charge? Well then pursue him David.

- Pursue him. - I will.

I will.

Oh, lord, put it down will you. Put it down.

David?

You look rotten.

How did you know I was here? Don't get your horse up.

I'll be out of here tomorrow.

I missed you. I came here to cheer you up...

- I didn't know you had a heart condition. - I don't!

It was that bad running. My pulse started fluttering on me last night.

- The tests were negative! - Well, I'm glad to hear that.

I got you this.

I hope you like it.

- Don Quixote. - Yes, it is a special edition.

It's very nice of you, Webster. Thanks.

You know the story, don't you? About the man who refuses to accept reality.

I know the story.

Sorry, I didn't mean to be patronizing.

Don't be in such a hurry to get out of here. Take it easy, lie back relax.

Rest a bit. Hey, take care of my man, will you?

Okay.

Do you have time for a drink?

No, I'd rather not get home too late tonight.

- How is Fay these days? - She's fine.

Well everybody said the boy would straighten out when you get older.

Damn kid is 23, worse than ever.

You give them everything and still they don't have any respect.

Notice anything new?

I don't see anything new.

- This new? - Yes.

Clint commissioned this for our anniversary.

Yeah, it's nice.

- You know where everything is. - Yes.

- Hey, Lynn? - Yes Tom.

Where is Clint's robe?

Oh, it's this new maid. She probably put it in the closet.

- All right pussycat. - Don't be long, you hear?

I won't be.

His queen shadowed his bishop.

I Mean really, this nonsensical contest that I have been trapped into.

What are the police doing?

What are you doing Mr. Reilly? Why don't you just out!

Why don't you just arrest him?

- Well... I... - He can�t be that hard to trace Mr. Reilly.

Obviously been taking lessons from several chess masters.

We are doing all we can Mr Zukovski.

I find that a pathetic commentary on you Mr. Reilly.

What's the matter David? Engine trouble?

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Well, your spark plugs are OK. Wait... here it is.

Distributor cap. OK, try it.

Listen, I wouldn't try to go over 50 until I see a mechanic.

If I lose you, I'm going straight to Laura's.

- Maybe, if you moved your king... - Get out of here or I'll kill you.

You still up? I got a terrific pearl necklace.

I almost got myself caught. Had to jump out of a story floor window..

Your wife called while you were out.

- Jackie, from New York? - She's in Houston.

- You never told me she was an actress. - I never thought she was.

Now take a look at that.

Jackie Johnson! I must say that her name looks pretty good in print.

- Even if small letters. - They are small.

Not that small. They�re reviving Neil Simons' "Plaza Suite" Simon. That ought to...

That ought to go over very big here.

Yes, aren't you gonna call her back?

It's 3.30 in the morning, I'll call her tomorrow.

I hope she won't be sitting around waiting for your call.

God damn it! I love you! You understand that?

You understand that? I live with you.

And you know enough about me to send me to jail for 300 years.

Now what do I have to do to to prove myself?

Everything.

It was so good I really enjoyed those shell...

- I enjoyed your performance very much. - Yeah? What in particular?

- Well, I thought you were real good.. - Oh, right, thanks, thanks a lot.

Is there some place around here where we could go and talk?

- About Webster? - Yes, if you don't mind.

- Why don't you ask Miss...? - Keaton?

Yes, I am sure she can give you more information on the subject than I can.

I don't think so. You see, she and Webster are kind of living together.

Yes, I heard that.

- What's she like? - The old possessive instinct, huh?

- Are you married? - I am divorced.

Aren't you curious about him sleeping with your ex-wife?

No.

He's an engineer, he is two years younger than I am and I hate his guts.

Mr. Reilly, I seem to have struck a sensitive nerve.

Anyway, somebody has gotta be pinching that jewelry for you.

Among his old friends can you think of anyone that might possibly fit that description?

I told you, our old friends were dull, boring.

- Do you like asking these questions? - It's my job.

- I know that, but do you like it? - I think it's necessary, yes ma'am.

So, you think it's necessary to catch Webster?

If Webster is guilty, and I am sure he is.

As a matter of fact he is my only suspect.

Funny.

Some ways you remind me of him. Ciao.

I remind you of Webster?

You know, Webster lives with a beautiful girl. I live alone.

Webster has got a lot of money. I have $ 500 in my savings account.

Webster is a thief, I am an honest man.

How in the hell do I remind you of Webster?

He used to be just as serious as you are.

Grace Hotel please.

The king can capture a hostile chessman on adjacent square the king.

- captures by displacement... - Shut up! Shut up!

I don't want your advice. I do not need your...

Look, he's within two moves of check mate.

Two moves! Why can't you apprehend him?

You're disgusting! What are you doing in my chair?

Get out of my chair! Get out! You tricked me into this!

You and the police...

I want my horses back, I want my queen back. I've never lost my queen, never.

I don't understand how you and the police can be so incompetent.

This thief is loose on the street of Houston and you can't so much as find him.

We're here, forget to bring the present?

- What? - There's somebody here.

- It's eh... It's me Dave Reilly. - No David, we're shocked!

Laura, do you realize that we have caught the chess burglar?

Mr. Reilly, I never would have guessed.

How did you get in here David, did you break a window, jimmy the door?

Oh nothing stops the chess player, you know that.

- Alright, alright. - You finished searching or need more time?

- I finished. - And?

And nothing.

Give us a little notice next time David. We'll leave some incriminating items lying about for you.

You know, it seems to me a innocent man would be outraged to me breaking into his place.

No, I am not outraged, I am surprised David, really surprised

I thought you were strictly a rule book man Straight as an arrow.

Sometimes it takes a thief to catch a thief.

You know you have a lot in common with the chess burglar.

- What do you mean? - Both of you have decided that only some of the rules apply.

I' just trying to do my job.

We'll just let you get on with it. You probably haven't done the downstairs.

And while you're at it, take it easy. Fix yourself a drink.

You'll find everything on the cabinet in my room. I've got the present there.

Oh David, if you don't mind, catch the lights on your way out and lock up for us.

Thanks for returning my call. I guess your friend didn't understand my message.

Well, I've gotta say this, if you are the chess burglar this Dave Reilly has been chasing

me me all over town asking me about your standard of living hasn't improved much.

I mean, you don't even have an air conditioner in here yet.

No, but I see That you're still a pleasure to have around.

You still got my paintings on the walls.

I didn't like the marks they left when I took them down.

Tell me, Webster,

Have you become a thief?

- Yes - Why?

- Why? You wouldn't understand. - Try me.

Alright. In a world of thieves, I wanted to be an honest one.

- An honest what? - An honest thief.

- How can you be honest and be a thief? - I told you, you wouldn't understand.

A minute and ten seconds. That's longer than we talked in 3 years of marriage.

I don't understand.

You're kidding.

You're not really the chess burglar.

You really climb through the windows, and the Henderling jewels,

and say you've done all of this?

Getting into those houses and climbing in those trees and...

fences and roofs, Webster,... that is exciting!

I never said it wasn't.

Where was all that when we were married?

I mean, you're still pretty of course...

working for that computer firm...

Every day at 6.10 prompt sounding that Mustang in the driveway...

three seconds later you were standing dull as hell!

Really, where was all that excitement then, Webster?

Buried deep inside me.

I don't believe it or I would have seen it somehow.

What are you doing?

I gotta find out what's different. I think you sure changed.

Don't forget you are the one who walked out on me.

I walked out on a computerized man, not a chess burglar.

No.

How's your career going?

Well, I'm doing the 11th row of company in "Plaza Suite".

A tour of 6 major cities.

- How do you think the career is going? - Sounds interesting.

- You said you were honest? - Only when I'm stealing.

Sure.

I think Webster McGee is the chess burglar Mr. Henderling and I also think you know it.

And I think that's a fairly wild accusation, Mr. Reilly.

- It's also slander. - No,

not unless I make the charge in public.

Do you mind if I ask you just where you got this ludicrous idea/

Your house for the first hit by the chess burglar.

You introduced Webster McGee into his social circle for no apparent reason I might add.

I simply like the man, that's the reason.

Webster burgled your house, and besides money and jewels,

he found something to blackmail you with.

If that was so, why come to me now?

I'm offering you immunity.

- From what? - From criminal prosecution.

You don't even know what you're talking about.

If you are willing to testify against him...

we might even get Webster to confess and waive a jury trial.

That way you wouldn't be involved publicly and that's my offer to you sir.

That would be tempting only if I were a criminal, which I'm not.

I am a very busy man. Our conversation has just terminated Mr. Reilly.

I'd think very hard about my proposition if I were you.

I'm sure I won't think about it at all.

Here is my card in case you want to get in touch with me.

Don't worry, I won't.

You might.

- Gene, what are you doing here? - Where is he? I have to see him.

- You can't. - I said I have to see him.

This is serious. I'm serious. Honest damn serious, this thing has just gone far enough.

Gene, what can I do for you?

That insurance pest came to see me today.

Dave Reilly. He's figured out our little arrangement.

He's offered you immunity if you testify against me, right?

- Yeah, that's right. And how did you know that? - I expected it.

Could you get me that towel, please?

So what do we gonna do?

Why? Do whatever you think best Gene.

- Suppose I turn state's evidence. - Well, then I'll no doubt go to jail.

And you'll no doubt be disgraced.

He said they have a way of hushing things up

and you might just confess and waive a jury trial.

Yeah, I would say that too if I were him, but it wouldn't work, Gene.

I wouldn't waive a jury trial.

And my lawyers would insist on knowing what you're being blackmailed with.

And I would tell. Everything.

- God I hate you! - Oh Gene, don't hate me!

- We have to do something. - Not really.

Reilly can't prove anything. If he could he wouldn't have gone to you.

You don't mean to tell me he came to see me he didn't have a shred...

Let's not get to righteous, after all we are the guilty ones. Right?

And Dave is clever, I bet he even followed you here.

What did I tell you?

Hey, David!

Now we'll clear this up.

Where are you going?

Talk to him.

I didn't expect to see you today.

No time for jollies, Webster.

I've talked to Henderling, I followed him here.

- I got exactly what I wanted. - What did you get?

You got nothing. You're jumping to conclusions.

You got my friend Gene all upset and he came over here to tell me about it.

And you punched holes in my offer, right?

I don't know what you got on Henderling, but boy, it really must be something.

At least it validates my theory.

There is no doubt in my mind that I'm looking at the chess burglar this very minute.

- Whatever turns you on. You wanna take me in now? - Any day now Webster.

God, I wish there was something I could do to help you.

Don't worry Webster, you will.

I'll be back. - OK.

- Hello, have you seen the exhibits? - That's where we're going.

We are indeed very fortunate to have the display.

It's just come here after been exhibited in London and New York.

You will notice of course that there are both polished and unpolished stones in the case.

The set piece of course is the is the Mokinor diamond,

It's been the property of several European royal families.

I suppose you're all aware that the Mokinor was found in the Transvaal in 1868.

It's an uncut stone of 350 carats.

- What would it be if it were cut? - It would lose a great deal.

It would finish off probably 225 or 250 carats.

It is surrounded by twin emeralds, an aquamarine,

a fire diamond and a blue diamond.

We're indeed fortunate they have the display here.

Excuse me.

Where have you been?

You know Laura, it is absolutely staggering how much there is to learn about the arts.

You're broadening your horizons, are you? I never realized you were so interested in museums.

I am now.

- What's your trouble? - No trouble.

Just want you to find somebody who can handle a big drop.

- How big? - A million dollars.

This is the Lord's day. I don't want to do business on Sunday.

I don't mean in any disrespect but I've been trying to get hold of you since Thursday.

Dynamite said you were in San Antonio.

That's right, I carried my wife down there to a square dance convention.

I've been having a little problem with my chain of laundries.

Damn hell went on strike.

- Maybe you ought to pay them a little more. - I have a family to support.

My family comes first for me.

This is my wife, Darlene, my two boys, TC and Leroy.

- Nice looking boys. - You know, I never miss a sermon here.

Those boys gonna grow up to be goddamn fine, I'm gonna know the reason why.

It wouldn't hurt you to come in yourself and here the Lord's word.

- Well, I'm not exactly... - I see what you mean.

Did you say... one million dollars?

Lying there and waiting for me to grab it.

Alright, don't worry about a thing.

I think I know a man who can handle it.

Praise the Lord.

Two guards at the front door. Another guard upstairs.

I gotta have to walk right in the front. You know I can't get in any other way.

Where do I come in?

There I am. Look at that outfit.

Four in the scale of ten, you get four for the camera work.

Now look Laura, I got $ 100.000 tied in that amphibian.

You can buy a Cessna 3-10 any time you want.

Oh come on Frank, you always said I was your best student.

Honey, you're not going to talk me into another one of your crazy schemes.

This thing is just to hard to handle.

If you can fly this plane you know I can fly it.

- Oh yes? Who's gonna teach you? - You are.

Father Cahill... Edmund Lasker, Lasker real estate.

Sorry I'm late, but I just made a quick sale on the other side of the lake.

Oh how fortunate! Must make you feel good.

Yes, it does, but all in a day�s work Father.

- How can I help you? - I'm interested in renting this house.

It is a fine piece of real estate.. Two bedrooms, you can see the dock.

Let's go inside.

Oh no, That won't be necessary. I'm sure I'll like it. You see...

I need an area for weekend retreats.

- Oh, a place for meditation. - Yes, exactly.

It certainly is a secluded little spot.

It's difficult for me to talk about money with a man of the cloth...

but you have taste in expensive site Father.

- Especially in the summer months. - I understand.

But it presents no problem.

Fine. Shall I make the lease out to the parish?

No. I have a special reason for wanting to put it in my name.

Say no more, I understand. You prefer this business arrangement not being discussed with anyone.

- If possible. - Certainly.

Let me confess to you. I'm a Baptist.

But I've had a few weekend retreats here myself.

You do understand.

Father, we only have half an hour. We close at four on Wednesdays.

Sorry, ma'am, the museum is closed.

- What time does it open in the morning? - Nine o'clock.

It's all locked up.

- Check the floor down. - It's secured.

- Oh excuse me. - Oh I'm Sorry Father, this is the security room.

What is that...?

Father, the museum is closed.

You know, I just had to see this Rodin exhibit. And this particularly.

This is this "The prodigal son". I love the structure of the torso,

Sorry, brother.

Peace, my son. Peace.

Hold it father. Drop it.

Give me the key. Hurry up, give me the key.

- My God Webster, what happened? - The plan had a slight flaw.

So much blood... Get in.

How do you feel?

I'm alright.

I think we should go and see a doctor when we get to Mexico.

I'm alright, I feel alright.

How much farther is it?

We have about 20 minutes to go.

I told you he'd be here.

I'm sorry, sorry, I'm late.

- Hey what happened man? You hurt? - I got shot.

- Well, did you get them? - I got the diamond right here.

You got the big one! You got the big one!

If we have the amenities over perhaps I could see the jewels?

Excuse me se�or Ribera, this is Webster McGee, the chess burglar.

Now shall we gentlemen, please?

I told you this is gonna be worth the trouble.

That's a beauty. We do things big in Texas.

Magnificent, absolutely beautiful.

Se�or, I must be returning to Houston, I am on a time table.

You're quite right, I have a plane of my own to catch.

I will be in The Netherlands this evening.

You take care of this, Mr. Deams. Adios.

That's a Mexican.

I'm sorry.

How do you feel?

I just need about ten hours sleep.

- Oh, Mr. Reilly. - Call me with Dave, Miss Keaton...

May I come in?

Excuse me for not calling ahead.

I'm on my way catching the chess burglar.

I take it you've read the papers this morning?

No, I just got up.

Sleeping late, are you?

Well, the chess burglar robbed a jewelry exhibit last night and he got shot in the process.

Did he really?

Yes, he really must have caught it good, from the amount of blood.

Where is Webster? Webster here?

Webster?

Yeah, Webster, you know Webster.

- Ah, Webster! - Yes, Webster! I want to talk to him.

I'll call him.

Webster! Dave Reilly is here. Webster!

- He won't be long. - Good.

I'll wait.

How's... how's Webster been feeling?

Oh, fine.

- It's a beautiful day, isn't it. - It's a lovely day.

As a matter of fact it is the loveliest day in my life.

I think I'm going to wake up Webster. He must have fallen asleep again.

Make yourself comfortable.

Dave, for Christ sake, what are you doing around here?

Come on let's go to the park. Just a quick couple of miles. Just a quick run, I have such a headache.

Never drink after midnight.

The worst possible thing you can do to yourself.

It is terrible for you. Let's go sweat some of this poison out of our systems.

Webster, Dave is almost catching the chess burglar. He's on his way to arrest him right now.

Wow! I'm glad to hear that Dave.

Must make you feel great, bringing in such a cunning fellow!

I hope you're still here when I get back.

Be sure you call us when you catch him.

I will. Don't worry. I will.

Bye.

Checkmate.

Thank you for the game, my friend.

No, it's not that, I think a change would do you good, Dave.

You're re-assigning me.

Jesus H. Christ, I'm not the first investigator that's had trouble catching a crook!

The police hasn't caught him, neither have the other insurance agencies.

The trouble is that you wasted all your time on that McGee.

The jewels were fast in Amsterdam last night.

Look, I know Webster did it, I mean, McGee.

And I'll nail him, as sure as God made those green apples, I'll nail him.

Hartford called last week and insisted I assign someone else.

What am I gonna do? I stole him all his time.

I'll quit. I'll quit before I let go on this one.

I'm sorry to hear you say that Dave. You've been with us over 17 years now.

You want me to resign, don't you?

Dave, come on now Dave, how can you stand there and say something like that?

I guess you just have higher standards than most other fellows, that's all.

OK, anything you want under 98 cents.

I'm feeling really expensive today.

That's my style.

How much?

How much?

It's at least two dollars.

Oh, I like this

- Gold and silver chess set. - Webster, that's one thing you don't need.

It's gonna make a terrific gift for Zukovsky. He'll go mad for it.

- You mean your going to buy it for him? - No, I won't buy it for him.

If I buy it he gets to keep it. If I steal it,

the police will come and take it away from him.

Oh no, Webster. Please.

- Please. - You worried?

- I could be. - Yeah, well don't.

I'm just playing with you.

Oh God, damn it. Is that you Dave?

- I knew I shouldn't have done it.. - You're damn right you shouldn't have done it.

It's been a long chase for you, hasn't it Dave?

It sure has.

And right now is worth every minute of it.

I wish you wouldn't have done that. I guess there's no time to talk.

I've got nothing to talk to you about, there is just one thing I'd like to know.

What the hell did you do it for?

- You can't answer that, can you? - I'm hooked.

- You carrying your gun? - What do you think?

Because that's the only way you can take me in, you know.

Jail does not suit my lifestyle.

So if you want me, you're just gonna have to shoot me.

Then I might have to do that.

If you about me The way I've grown to feel about you.

I'd hate to be in your shoes.