Original subtitles

You ever had the wind taken out of your sails on a power -driven boat?

Well, I have just now by them.

Like me, they're on their way to visit my old friend Waldo Arrington. Now, only

Waldo would dare assemble an explosive trio like that on his idyllic little

island that we're chugging towards right now.

There's Vera, Wilma, and Katerina.

You see, it's like this.

What I mean is... I'll show you.

Excuse me, which one of you ladies is Mrs. Wally Waddington?

I am.

Who wants to know?

He does.

And he invariably finds out anything he wants to know.

How intriguing.

Not the first time that's been said about him.

The fatally magnetic Simon Templar.

I don't like it. Me neither.

What are you smoking?

It is uncharacteristic of Waldo.

Once an episode in his life is finished, it's finished.

Each of us is an episode.

Why does he suddenly call us back to him?

His cable to me hinted at a surprise.

Maybe he's going to give us each a million bucks.

He always was impulsive.

What confuses me is his new way of life.

After years of traveling around, he's cut himself off from everything.

In a remote villa on a little island.

The way you girls probe.

Like Time magazine researchers.

Maybe her adjoined ex -husband just wants to see us again for a few days.

Couldn't it be a simple situation like that?

Not with Simon Templer invited too.

Situations tend not to be simple when he's around.

Girls, you look wonderful.

Oh, they're as cool as ever.

Katerina.

Oh, that same enigmatic perfume.

Wilma.

Oh, you switched to brandy.

Waldo. Simon, good to see you again.

Look, I want to hear all your adventures since last we met.

I want to hear yours.

I'm afraid I'll leave a very...

Placid life these days. Highly predictable.

No surprises at all.

Come and have a welcoming drink, girls, while your baggage is being unloaded.

Waldo, you didn't drag us all the way here just to see that you switched to...

What is it?

Carriages. Oh, revolting.

Depends on the vintage.

I don't know so much about that, Simon.

But I know this is my best year.

The year I've decided to live simply.

You old ass. Dirty.

Much more than that, Vera.

No, I came down here, bought the villa just to get away from it all.

Temporarily. A few months and I've decided never to go back to it at all.

Oh, no. This is my permanent home now.

I'll never go back to those polluted cities of the world again.

Fascinating. But did I fly all the way from Cairo just to hear that?

Patience, Katerina.

That isn't the surprise.

You're going to take up the monastic mode of living?

Not quite.

I'm getting married again.

Congratulations.

Here's to rejuvenation.

I'm sorry I'm so late. Not at all.

Your timing, like everything else about you, is perfect.

Nadine Zolt, Mrs. Vera, Wilma, and Katerina.

Bonjour, madame.

And this is Mr. Templer.

You ladies haven't drunk to us yet.

To your happiness.

Many months of it.

Thank you.

Will you?

So that was your surprise.

Nice. It's not the surprise yet.

What an enchanting little basket.

Don't you think, Sarah Wilma?

Crazy. Weave it yourself, honey.

You can't buy them on the shop by the gate.

I'll show you where.

And see if your baggage has been unloaded.

Katerina?

Baskets are for peasants and tourists.

How sad you do not remember that I'm neither.

Madame Katharina, you think I am marrying Waldo for his money?

Some marriages are made in heaven, others in the stock market.

As Mr. Templer thinks.

I drink to your true feelings, mademoiselle.

I need air, even the fishy air of this vile port.

Oh, how I hate women.

I must admit, some of them are up to, lovable.

What the hell is Waldo up to?

Well, at the moment, supervising the unloading of our luggage.

Gee, wish I was cool in British.

You can't help being American and anxious, dear. Oh, nuts.

What's Waldo's diet got to do with it?

Leave a little to one side, Tony. A little more.

Hold it there.

Fine. Thank you.

You were meant to be murdered, Walter.

You can literally bet your shirt on it. Oh, that shirt.

A coincidence.

A mistake.

The killer was after you.

Who'd want to kill me?

Exactly. Who?

About 500 people, now that you mentioned it.

You know, as one gets rich, one accumulates everything but friends.

Any of your regiment of enemies heard of White Speedboat?

Look, if they do, it takes some places.

This thing here gets you nowhere.

Walter, why did you ask me here?

Oh, not to protect me against some Riviera Jack the Ripper who's done a

against sports shirts.

Oh, relax, Simon. There's nothing to worry about.

Well, until the police investigation comes up with a convincing motive for

murder of that tourist.

There is. Well, then you worry for me, eh?

I refuse to worry.

It's done more killing than knives.

Or even wives.

Speaking of wives. Which you're eminently qualified to do.

Look, I invited you down here because you'd really appreciate this little

surprise item of mine. It's one for the books.

I can't wait.

But I'll have to, won't I?

No sunshine for you today, Wilma?

I take it distilled.

Careful, glassful sunbeams.

It's too early for me to start drinking.

Too late for me to stop.

Who do you suspect?

Everybody who dislikes Waldo.

How about you?

Hardly know him, honey.

Married him when we were canned in Las Vegas.

Six weeks later, divorced in Reno. Still placid.

In between, we were stoned as a quarry.

Some marriage.

All it needed was the choir of Alcoholics Anonymous singing, Oh,

Who got custody of the bottles?

Take me off the suspects list, huh?

Can you see me killing Waldo and 20 G's alimony a year?

Which reminds me, time for a little business conference.

Wilma. Katerina.

Where's Vera?

She thinks discussing money is vulgar.

All right, she is.

I don't find it embarrassing.

Especially when what I've got to say can be said good and crisp.

Waldo, this is it. We won't stand for any cuts in our alimony.

This Nadine, she's a muzik. A pessimist.

Strictly for nothing. And you're going to give her everything?

Don't leave us out.

Cut out on the carriages, Daddy -O. Not on us.

I get the message.

Okay, Mother Russia?

Not quite.

One question.

This surprise... I'll tell you tonight.

When two final guests arrive, George McGeorge and Howard Mitchell.

Your nephew and your lawyer.

There are some questions one cannot answer.

Mademoiselle, you don't have to answer any of my questions.

You might try a couple.

One, why did you lose your son's hand at the sight of a certain gentleman in

that bistro?

And two, do you know anyone who owns a white speedboat?

You all right?

I do not have to answer your questions.

But if you would ask me, do I love Waldo?

I would say yes.

Well, it's touching, but evasive.

Do you believe me?

You must forgive me if under the circumstances a certain doubt creeps in.

You must forgive me.

I must go to meet the rest of the guests from the night ferry.

Thank you for listening.

Sir, of course.

That's wicked.

So are infidelity, gold digging and murder.

One still cares about Waldo, you know. One doesn't want to see him plundered,

betrayed, and killed.

No, one doesn't.

I still say no.

Even if I did not love Waldo... Love? I could not stay with you.

I left you because of other women in your life, not because of another man in

mine. I left Waldo afterwards.

You just wish to wipe out the humiliation of a woman leaving you for a

And if this is true, what does this make me? A man with a man's feelings, but

you, you're selling yourself...

Excuse me.

Excuse me. You couldn't tell me the way to Mr. Arlington's villa.

I am staying at Mr. Arlington's villa. Oh, good.

Then you must be Nadine.

Oh, you poor, poor girl.

Come on.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm George McGeorge, Mr. Arlington's nephew. Just arrived

Mr. Mitchell.

Mademoiselle Zuta, I am so sorry.

Why are you both so sad?

Well, we heard on the mainland the whole coast is buzzing with it. I mean...

You don't mean Uncle Walter hasn't been murdered?

Why, should he have been?

I say, well, really, I mean.

Nothing to say.

Really, I can't understand why you're all so tongue -tied here.

Now, is it such a difficult question to answer?

Simon, would you believe this?

Nobody, but nobody in this worldly gathering here is willing to give an

on a subject that's very vital to me.

Health? Wealth.

Look, I merely pose the question, is it possible for a rich man to be loved for

himself alone?

Oh, come on.

A few words each, just to humor me.

Let's begin with my immediate family.

My sole surviving blood relative.

Nephew George.

Well, I've never really thought about it, Uncle Waldo.

I mean, that is, I've always taken my affection for you for granted. You work

the city, George boy. How can you possibly take anything for granted? Of

if you don't believe me. All right, you're off the hook.

Ah.

A legal opinion now.

Well, the question is unanswerable. Because no answer can satisfy the rich

who asks it.

You see, he can never be sure of the motive behind either yes or no.

Instinctively, he feels there's some ulterior purpose.

Behind everything, etc.

Love is seen by the law.

Thank you.

Nadine.

I have been happy when poor.

It is the same feeling of happiness I have with you.

To love is to be rich.

Vera! No.

No, it isn't possible to love a rich man for himself alone. I tried.

As you know, I failed.

We failed.

Wilma?

Oh, Waldo, I... I can't answer.

Damn it, I... I don't know what love is.

Never happened to me.

Never felt it for anybody.

I wish I was screaming drunk.

Poor woman.

I wondered if you'd ever learn that much about yourself.

Katerina.

You've never invited love, Waldo.

Three times married.

Never once in love.

Every time you married, you married to something the woman represented.

Not the woman herself.

I represented culture.

To you, I was a walking library.

No one tried to love you.

But that's not what you wanted.

So your question applied to yourself is meaningless.

Not anymore.

What does Mr.

Templer think?

Well, Simon, you've got the last word.

When you spring this.

long -awaited surprise on these ladies and gentlemen.

It will be the very last word on the subject, won't it?

How about now?

During dinner.

You are without drinks.

I apologize.

Uncle, I must speak to you alone.

Want to change your answer? Please, Uncle, this is serious.

Uncle, this is very hard for me to say, but... Well, just so long as it's not

hard for me to understand.

Oh, no, no, not at all. It's about Nadine.

Well, you see, I've done a check on her with a private detective.

Oh, what a shame.

You've wasted your money.

What do you mean?

I mean, George boy, that I won't listen to a word against Nadine.

I say, look here.

I mean, Uncle Waldo, she just is not respectable. And you're too respectable.

What?

Just as I thought.

You're suffering from ingrowing bowler hats.

Waldo, we are going into dinner now.

How's your appetite, George?

Gone. I shall take a long walk.

Now you won't be able to tell them at dinner.

No, they must all be present.

You want a drink?

Why not? I'm paying for it.

Gas, though? No, no, no. It doesn't matter. I don't want one. Is there

to celebrate?

Look here, Pierre. I paid you to come out here and prevent that marriage

place.

Ah, so you're afraid as well, then?

Your uncle was not outraged to hear of Nadine's liaison with me.

Outraged? The mesmerized old goat wouldn't even listen to me.

If Nadine marries him... Look, never mind the useless types of what you'll do

after the wedding. What will you do to prevent it?

Anything.

Well,

I'm for my little bed.

Sleep terribly, terribly tight, darling.

Good night, Mrs. Arlington.

Mrs. Arlington.

Good night to you, you shapely limb of the law.

Mr. Mitchell, what is Waldo's big surprise?

That's a very direct question.

I want an equally direct answer.

And I'm afraid I shall have to disappoint you.

Professional ethics.

Plain ignorance.

I just don't know.

Well, if you can't or won't tell us the facts, maybe you will give us an

opinion. On what? On Bordeaux's sanity.

Is it in any doubt?

In doubt?

Symptom.

After a lifetime of gourmetizing, he's gone vegetarian, but gone.

Didn't you see him tonight?

Eating stewed leaves.

He looks very well on it.

Well, then another symptom.

Shutting himself away in this pseudo -Moroccan health club.

A brooding recluse.

Well? If you insist.

Now, this is my opinion.

No court would pronounce insane a man who wants to live a long time with his

young wife.

You're verging on impertinence, Mr. Mitchell.

If I must apologize for speaking the truth, madame, I do so most

Good night.

He'll go far.

If he doesn't go too far.

So you see, Mr. Templer, it is not a very pleasant story.

But that is beside the point.

Which is?

Do you believe it?

Almost. What can I do to convince you?

I have finished with Pierre. I love Waldo.

I have found peace.

You can do nothing.

Waldo will confirm your story in his own time.

For me and everyone else.

The surprise will be no surprise to you?

I think not.

So, now I must ask for your direct help.

I have failed, as you know, to persuade Pierre to leave the island.

He is a very dangerous man.

You will protect Waldo and watch over him?

It's already done.

Well, one more thing.

Earlier this evening, you mentioned to me a white speedboat.

This puzzled me.

Me too.

So we go in.

Thank you.

Are you sure you want to get through with this scheme in this particular way?

This must break your legal heart.

Yes, I'm sure.

Howard, look, I intend to live a long time.

But should I die laughing when all this is made known? Well, it'd be a good way

to go.

As you wish.

Now, where's the document?

Here.

Moonlight becomes you, Ladushka.

You are too kind to be true.

Have you been giving this pretty child tuition in repartee, Mr. Templer? I'm

delighted to say it seems to be happening naturally.

So many delightful things happen naturally during a quiet stroll in a

garden. And one is young.

Do you remember?

I never forget.

Anything.

Shall we continue our discussion, Monsieur Echard?

I say, what's going on?

You told me you can, you know.

How would I know?

The man's mad.

I heard a noise. I came down to investigate.

The only noise you heard was when you opened that door to let him in. Now look

here. You know him?

Ah, so that strikes home, does it?

What has happened?

Who is this?

Why don't you introduce your chum?

All right.

This is Pierre Echard, and he has a perfect right to be here, since he knows

uncle's fiancée intimately.

And it's time we met?

Yes, it certainly is. Uncle, just listen to what he can tell you about her.

That's what I brought him up here for, to talk to you, just to talk to you.

At one in the morning.

I have no need to explain my timing to you, Mr. Templer.

Or your motive to anybody.

Your art to prevent the marriage and to ensure your inheritance.

The inheritance is a factor, certainly. I do not deny it. But I also aim to save

my uncle from a woman, obviously even more of a parasite than his three ex

-wives put together. George, you've gone to a lot of trouble to arrange this

meeting between Monsieur Richard and myself.

I'm agreeable to a taking place.

In private.

You stay, Nadine.

George, I'm staying here.

The photos ask you quite politely to leave. It seems you won't. That's right.

That's wrong.

Now, look here. I'm staying here.

Take my attendance.

Oh, sure.

To save your breath, Monsieur Richard, I'll summarize what Nadine's already

me about her relationship with you and her life in Paris.

I believe that she first met Mr.

Sorbonne.

Mr. Templer.

I find myself intrigued.

By what's going on down there? Oh, no.

By what would be going on up here if I wasn't present.

What do you mean by that?

A man of your reputation.

Would you be eavesdropping?

It really isn't necessary.

I have a hunch that nothing Monsieur A. Shard can say will come as a surprise to

Waldo. I see.

She's told you everything.

You have nothing to add?

Mr. Arrington, your nephew wanted me to lie about Nadine.

To invent details of a really bad life lived by her.

It wouldn't have had any effect on me.

I know that now.

And the past is not important?

Only the future.

Oui. Oui.

Merci.

The mainland police will be here in the morning.

Well, thank heaven for small mercies. Some professional investigators on the

scene at last.

Simon Templer.

Where is he?

Why don't you work out first, darling, where you are?

You look as if you haven't the slightest idea.

Oh, it's a miracle she heard the gunshot at all.

When you pass out, darling.

You do it with style.

How do you like a Pennsylvania punch on your mouth? How can you, you women,

amuse your bickering and shirking when Waldo is...

Well.

Yes, and that reminds me.

Although it is only of academic interest now, I suppose. But how did my uncle

react to your true confessions?

I'll tell you how I react to you.

You disgust me.

That is some achievement.

I ask, where is Simon Templer?

Please leave me alone.

£200 ,000?

Where did you get this?

Waldo's safe.

I did not know Waldo had an insurance policy on his life for that amount.

All that he had written to the insurance company, inquiring how much he'd get if

he cashed it in.

I do not understand.

The carbon copy is very clear.

A millionaire in need of cash. Why?

Simon, he was penniless through bad investments.

That was the surprise he had for those vultures downstairs.

He wouldn't have been exactly penniless when the policy was cashed in.

I knew nothing of the policy.

He did not tell me.

Of course he could not.

He had to be sure of my love.

I had to marry him, believing there was no money.

Simon, who would have benefited?

Who gets the 200 ,000 pounds on Waldo's death?

The latter doesn't have us.

The white speedboat will.

A white speedboat, monsieur, with a legal cabin. Oh, yes, I see her come in

yesterday morning.

One of a fleet, therefore entered by monsieur Philippe of Cannes.

Ah, si, si, monsieur.

I told you, monsieur, I would know every boat from the mainland.

Now, will you tell me why you are so obsessed with these people?

A white speedboat arrived just before the first murder attempt when the wrong

man was killed.

It left immediately after.

I'll be very surprised if the speedboat enthusiast doesn't turn out to be the

beneficiary under that insurance policy.

And the

police?

Under the bureaucratic authority of Colonel Latio.

You know him?

Yes, Latimer has the mind of a filing cabinet and was bound to much intuition

a rubber stamp.

He would question everyone exhaustively and get nowhere. It just isn't his kind

of case.

Monsieur Templar.

Yes, Colonel.

On this idyllic little island, people usually only kill time.

You arrive immediately, they kill each other.

You return a precise phrase, Colonel.

You are Mademoiselle Nadine Zet?

Oui. My condolences, mademoiselle.

Maybe out of business. I wish to question everyone exhaustively.

You will be going to the mainland afterwards?

No. But there is no ferry till tonight.

The police launch will have to do, with your invaluable help.

I need a drink.

When you have answered my questions concerning last night's murder, madame.

was asleep, courtesy of Napoleon Brandy. You did not hear a shot.

I want a shot, and a lawyer.

Madame, the only advocate in the vicinity is Monsieur Mitchell.

He's occupied.

He's examining the papers of Monsieur Erdington.

You don't have any witnesses that you were in bed at that time.

Witness says...

Colonel. What is it that you want?

The launch has been stolen.

What did you say?

The launch has been stolen.

Imbecile. You don't have to record what he says.

Who stole it? How?

Templar.

Colonel, join me. You look like you need a drink.

Get out.

You, of course, are English.

Why is it necessary to establish that, Colonel?

Do you hunt fish and shoot? Oh, yes.

But never at the same time.

You say you were also in bed?

With Dostoevsky.

I wreak crime and punishment once a year. I live with him every day of my

Madame. Won't you sit down?

Why don't you sit down?

You are obviously a woman of exceptional intelligence, subtlety, sophistication.

I cook borscht well, too.

Who do you suspect?

Everybody, but me.

Aunt Andy, but why should I exclude you?

I have brains.

I escaped from Russia at the height of Stalin's terror.

Now, is it possible that I would suddenly become so stupid as to kill?

Without motive. Without motive, but l 'amour, madame, l 'amour.

Garbage, Colonel, garbage.

At the lowest level of my self -interest, how would I benefit to murder

ticket? You're most practical.

Very. Back in the USSR, I was an engine driver.

Stalin was crazy to let you go.

Stalin was crazy, period.

Thank you, Mr. Philly. Oh, a colleague of Colonel Letty Jones, monsieur.

This is the boat that went to the island yesterday, isn't it?

I'm certain, monsieur.

Four of the boats have been serviced.

Six are engaged by people I've known a number of years.

One I keep for myself.

If you saw a boat at the island yesterday, it must be this one.

What was the name of the man who hired it?

A woman, monsieur.

I have never seen her. The rental was arranged by post one month ago.

Her name was Smith, I presume?

Well,

a pair of man's glasses.

Now, look.

We have admitted conspiring to prevent the marriage.

I mean, we both of us had our reasons.

And mine was not money. And mine was, so what?

I do not want the colonel to believe that is what we had in common.

The colonel also does not believe that you were here at one o 'clock in the

morning to discuss the morals of Mademoiselle Zitz. It was at my

wanted my uncle to hear the truth about Nadine. And I certainly did not want her

to be present. She has such a hold on him.

And yet, she was present at this visa interview, and you were not.

Where were you? In my room, of course. Are you sure you were not in the garden?

Now, look here.

You're accusing me of murdering my uncle.

You were almost thrown out of this room by Monsieur Templar. You left, no doubt,

in a great rage.

You were going, obviously.

I had nothing to do with it. We never even discussed killing the old man.

It was not a question of discussing, but of impulse.

Sudden, dangerous, acute. Am I correct? No, no, that's not right.

I advise you to say no more for the present.

You will go with me at once to the mainland.

You have no boat, Colonel.

That is, as soon as my launch is returned.

Ah, monsieur. Yes, I know the colonel wants a word with me, and I with him.

you come in?

This time you have gone too far.

Only to the mainland.

Oh, do not joke with me.

I never joke about exposing a murderer.

I know who killed Waldo.

So do I. The absurdly named Georges McGeorges.

Do you have proof?

Have you?

An open and shut case.

Well, now, if I had someone about to start the conversation, it might as well

me.

Someone in this room killed Waldo.

Now, all you ladies were present on the quayside at the time of the murder by

mistake.

Any comments?

What right has he got? It is with my authority, madame.

Oh. South of Cannes, I am the law.

Well, you can forget about me. I can't stand the sight of blood.

If I'd wanted to kill Waldo, I would have succeeded.

Knifing isn't English.

You all claim you were emotionally unaffected by Waldo's forthcoming

My emotions would have stayed just fine as long as he kept up the alimony

payments.

Likewise.

And as a farm, I'm very far from fatal.

So your only interest in Waldo was his money?

Sure. But he was broke.

Oh, but we didn't know that until Howard told us this morning.

It was this great and classic surprise, don't you remember?

And now we all have to earn our own livings.

Any ideas?

Me? I'm going to be a wine taster.

But one of you wouldn't have had to go to work.

Waldo had a life insurance policy for 200 ,000 pounds.

That's news to me.

Good news to me, I hope.

How typical of Waldo to insure himself and not tell the beneficiary.

So none of you knew about this policy?

We were hardly in his confidence, Mr. Templer.

There's someone else.

Certainly was.

There's a powerful emotional triangle.

Waldo, Nadine, and 200 ,000 pounds.

You were on the quayside at the time of the murder. I didn't kill that tourist.

Oh, Mr. Ludington, I never killed anybody.

I believe you.

And so...

is find you way out on the creaking limb with the motive again, money. I wasn't

even on the island yesterday morning.

You could have been in disguise.

That's absurd.

Not at all. It's a very ingenious alibi.

Look, this isn't true.

You've got to believe me, Colonel.

You may proceed, Monsieur Templer.

You stood to inherit Waldo's estate.

No. No, I didn't kill him. Prove it.

When he was shot, I was in my room.

Prove it.

Look, look, you're just making accusations against me and all

Where's your proof? Read this.

Oh, better still, Mr. Mitchell, you're a lawyer. Read aloud this conclusive

piece of evidence.

I killed Waldo Oddington.

Thank you for the confession and the proof.

You do carry a spare pair of spectacles. I found these on the speedboat. You'll

find the lenses match.

You came here on that speedboat, killed the tourist in error and in disguise.

There could be a dozen reasons for my spare glasses being found in some

speedboat or other.

Many of them embarrassing, but none of them connected with murder.

Well, there's a piece of luck.

An original.

Not carbon copy.

Signed by Waldo.

An inquiry concerning the cashing in of his insurance policy.

What's the matter? You forgot to post it?

Or was it never going to be posted?

Your ingenuity outpaces your logic.

As Mr. Oddington's lawyer and executor, I'm forbidden to benefit in any way from

his estate.

That's true, but as his lawyer, you betrayed him all along the line. You

was broke. You knew of this policy.

You were in league with the beneficiary.

That's how you plan to benefit from his estate.

For a substantial share of that £200 ,000.

Prove it.

Quite simple.

All we have to know is the name of the beneficiary.

A friend at Scotland Yard can check with the insurance company.

A friend in Fleet Street has already made inquiries.

Answer it. For God's sake, answer it!

The policy was for me, Mr. Templer.

I insisted on it when I divorced Waldo.

Alimony wasn't enough, you see. I wanted to be sure of money, even after his

death. Vera, don't say another word.

Lawyer to the last.

Don't you realize you'll be right there in the dock beside me?

Answer it!

Put a nice little ribbon round this case and round our necks.

Hello, yes?

Speaking.

Ken?

Yes, I know.

Thanks, but for once I've beaten you to a new story.

Bye.

Well, Colonel, thanks for the use of the launch.