Original subtitles

I'm out now.

I was just an average kid until an accident changed my life.

And since then, nothing's been the same.

My best friend Ray thinks it's cool.

My sister Annie thinks I'm a science project.

I can't let anyone else know.

Not even my parents.

I know the chemical plant was to find me and turn me into some experiment.

But you know something?

I guess I'm not so average anymore.

Hey, guys.

That's her.

So, what do you think?

Uh, excuse me, what are you guys doing here, and who's this?

How's her pipes?

Oh, man, that's Alex.

She's got range. She's got tempo. She can do it all.

Is this about softball?

Alex, let me make this simple.

This is big.

The Blackbird Coffeehouse is having a talent search.

First prize is 100 bucks and a regular Tuesday gig.

This is Eddie Einstein, our drummer.

I can shred on the guitar and, well, you know how Ray is on the bass.

Extremely competent.

So?

So, we need a singer.

Really?

Why me?

Why do you think? We need someone charismatic and awesome.

And you were the only one we could think of.

Winning this thing would be huge, Alex. It would vault us over practically every

other teenager in Paradise Valley instantly.

Alex, come on. You know you have a great voice. And it's come a long way since

the seventh grade.

We gotta decide now, Mac.

In or out?

Well, I guess I'll give it a try.

Don't get so excited, people.

We got a lot of work to do.

Music is my only path here.

Everything else on this stinking planet they call Earth can rot or go extinct

for all I care.

Eddie, these lyrics are unusual.

I had no idea there were so many words for bad stuff.

The four of us are never gonna forget this day.

I love you guys. No matter how big we get, I just want you to know that. I

you guys know that a real band is more than just a group of musicians.

It's a state of mind.

Sorry.

And I'm tired of being bogged down by bossy parents and shallow teachers.

I mean, none of them know how I feel. None of them understand what's going on

inside me.

Um, my parents are okay.

Yeah, but the Ed Man is right. This band is our chance to show everyone who we

really are.

That's the problem.

They.

I've had it with the collective.

I mean, when are people going to recognize that we're individuals?

Um, I think I know what you're saying.

See, if we're going to be a success, we have to be rebels.

We're rebels committed to our music above all else.

You got that?

Well, our careers are going to be cut real short if I don't manage to fix this

amp.

Whoa.

All right, let's go.

I can't believe how badly I did on that math test.

I think I may have mathlexia.

You know, I have to run a study hall. What are you doing tonight?

Gee, let me think.

Nothing.

I ran a Dark Victory, if you want to watch it with me. I didn't know it was a

little depressing.

Are you serious? That's my favorite movie.

I cried through that five times.

Great. Then I'll see you at my house, what, 7 o 'clock?

Yeah.

He's not bad.

Yeah, I know.

I can't believe he likes me.

Well, getting them to like you is the easy part.

Keeping them, now.

That's what's tricky.

Listen, you can't make it too easy for them.

Guys are hunters.

Once they've caught you, they take off. It hasn't even started yet and already

it's over?

I knew it wouldn't last.

You need to start following the dating laws.

What dating laws?

I've never had a boyfriend before.

That's obvious.

Well, come on, what? Help me out here.

All right, just this once, since you're so pathetic.

Thanks.

For starters, no accepting dates without major advance notice.

You're a busy woman with other boyfriends and other plans, and make him

you, opening doors, carrying books.

Next. We'll deal with the wardrobe. It needs to create the flawless image of a

woman unlike any other.

Chills, you guys. I got chills.

We may be awesome. I just question the public's ability to recognize it. Well,

the first order of business after we get the gig at the coffee house will be the

sign of the manager.

A manager?

Yeah.

We need a manager.

No, no, no, no.

You see, I don't think you heard me the first time. See if the Cheesy Chip

Company can make a Ray Alvarado barbecue flavor.

Sour cream and onion, Ray Alvarado's boy.

Step on it, will you?

Ginger and I want to hit the video arcade.

It's so interesting being me.

Because I tend to think about, you know, pretty cool stuff most of the time.

Sometimes I just feel sorry that more people can't be like me.

What's the matter with you people?

Nothing.

Okay. Well, tomorrow we meet at the coffee house at 3 o 'clock.

Our date with destiny.

I've got

my motorcycle today, so I thought I'd give you a ride home. You can stop at

deli. I can't ride a motorcycle in this skirt.

Besides, Jimmy, I've got plans.

You do?

Um, do you mind?

Oh, sure. Where's the key?

My schedule's gotten so hectic lately that I can barely make plans without a

week's notice.

Uh, so, what, um, what are you doing after school?

Um, I'm getting my teeth cleaned.

Glenn, hi. Thank you for letting me buy your notes.

Music people are always looking for new

garage bands.

That's why Eddie says that the coffee house is the perfect place for us to get

noticed. Who's Eddie?

He's our drummer.

We're called Diamond and the Rough.

Are you the diamond?

That is so cute.

We're not cute, Mom.

We're fat.

It's good to be fat.

Dad, of course it is.

Sweetheart, aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself here?

Didn't you guys just start this band yesterday?

Mom, it's not like I've never sung before.

Well, yeah, in the shower, right?

A band is an enormous responsibility, Alex. Those musicians you see on TV

years practicing and sacrificing.

I mean, look at Peter, Paul, and Mary.

The people Annie used to babysit for?

No, the rock group.

And their names were Peter, Paul, and Jerry?

Mary.

Anyway, all we're saying is have your fun, but don't get your hopes too high.

It takes a very special person to succeed in that business.

You're saying I'm not special?

That's not what he meant, sweetheart.

If anybody's aware of your talents, it's your father and I. I mean, we think

you're adorable and funny and considerate.

Oh, you look great.

Thanks.

What's the occasion?

Nothing special. I just like to look my best.

You know, I'm free this afternoon if you need a little help before your math

exam.

Actually, the class is going fine.

Two weeks ago, you were failing.

Well, I guess I caught on.

Robin, you okay?

You seem... I don't know, you're dropping stuff and...

I don't know the last time I picked up so much stuff.

Oh, Jimmy, I gotta run. There's Rita Patterson.

Remember, we're not just a band.

We're a state of mind.

My state of mind could have used the little boys' room. I feel like this

performance rests on my shoulders. Are you guys sure you're ready?

No, shh.

Keep it together.

Okay, darlings, I'm on a sketch, so hurry up and blow me away.

What's your band's name again?

I'm the Diamond, and these are the Ruffs.

Ready? One, two, three, four.

You ain't the Diamond.

Yeah, he's right.

I'm the Diamond, and you guys are the Ruffs.

Whoa, whoa, hang on a second there, babe.

Newsflash. In case you hadn't noticed, this whole band was my idea in the first

place. I got us this audition with Miz Kornhoser. Now, I always assumed that I

was the Diamond, and you guys were...

Can you hang on a second, please? You people are sick.

You, my friend, are not, and I repeat, are not the diamond. And I'm not one of

the roughs. Darling!

Could you fight later?

Yeah. One, two, three, four.

Crumbling holes through the moon.

Cellophane friends, I can see through you.

Cellophane friends, I thought I knew.

That was, without a doubt, the most embarrassing experience of my life.

All the practice and the specials and sounds. You don't know what a mistake

guys just made.

I mean, first you flirt with greatness, and now because of the three of you and

your egotistical behavior, I mean, now I have to pay the price.

Is this part of your state of mind? Because believe me, you're no diamond,

Yeah. How could you ever think I was a rug? It took me a month to learn to play

the bass.

I can't work like this.

Like this.

All right, all right. Well, then I guess it's obvious what we have to do.

Break up. That's fine with me.

Me too, because I happen to think I have a solo career ahead of me. I'm out of

here.

Yeah.

Other people should have known.

We want to know how the big audition went. Yeah, were you fat?

No, Dad.

We weren't fat.

Not even close.

And you know what the worst part is?

The two guys who I thought were my friends turned out to be the most

conceited creeps of all time.

And Eddie, ugh, is just sick.

Oh, that's too bad.

We kind of told you this might happen, sweetheart. Yeah, yeah, I know. Peter,

Paul, and Larry, commitment, hard work, all that stuff. Yeah, well, at least

Larry wasn't saying that he was the diamond and calling Peter and Paul the

See?

Hey, Jimmy, how's it going?

Hey, Robin.

Don't ask.

Jimmy's not even talking to me anymore.

And he has a new girlfriend.

Did you do everything I told you to?

All of it. I even got a manicure.

Okay, listen, you follow those rules and you'll catch some guy way cooler.

What's Jimmy's problem?

Jimmy does not have a problem.

I have the problem.

I give up, Robin.

You're on your own.

Wait! Now what am I supposed to do?

Yeah. I've got to be the dumbest person in the county, Alex.

The dumbest.

How many people do you know have the man of their dreams and throw it all away

before anything even starts?

Um, I think it happens a lot.

Yeah, well, it happened a lot to me.

I mean, Jimmy and I really had something special.

And then I had to go tell him about getting my teeth cleaned and stuff.

You know, I just wanted to appear busy.

I just wanted to appear desirable.

To your dentist?

I hate myself.

Oh, don't say that.

But what were you thinking? I mean, the thing that I like most about you is that

you don't play games.

Apparently, you don't know the laws of dating.

Oh, no, I haven't. There are laws now?

Yeah, Kelly tried to help me with them. Kelly Phillips?

Yeah.

Apparently, there are do's and don'ts about keeping a guy at bay long enough

them to take the bait so you could reel them in.

I mean, I thought I had Jimmy hooked, but then he slipped off the line.

You know, Robin, you just made me realize something.

I had a band until yesterday, but not anymore, and you know why?

Because you can't sing.

No, that doesn't really matter.

Because, like you, we were trying to be something that we're not.

If you like Jimmy, just tell him.

Say that you're sorry and that you want to go out with him.

Alex, I wish I could.

Wait, what does this have to do with your band?

I think we were just in it for the wrong reasons.

We wanted to be cool and popular. We didn't really care about the music.

Except for Eddie.

But it's too late now.

Alex, good news.

Mrs.

Cornhoser from the coffee house just called. She says that you guys qualified

for the callbacks on Tuesday night.

Wait, what?

Um, we gotta get the band back together.

Sorry, I'm into meditating now. I didn't give up the bass. It was messing with

my karma.

And let's face it, the whole band idea was stupid.

We just wanted a little fame.

I know.

And, uh, now we're gonna get our chance at it.

Mrs. Kornhozer called, and she actually liked us.

We're finalists. We've got a gig Tuesday night.

Oh, man, Tuesday night?

Gotta stop on it. Fly cleaners, maybe get the doobies shaved.

Dad, and I spoke to Lewis, and he's gonna talk to Eddie.

Cool, man.

This is great. Because you know what?

This right here wasn't working.

Bad news, guys.

Seems we've offended Eddie's state of mind.

He says we're full of bad vibes and we'll never amount to anything.

So what's the bad news?

Is he home?

I tried everything.

His sister says he won't be seeing anyone today.

I'll go talk to him. I'll call you guys later.

Later. Bye.

you get in here? My sister knows I'm not seeing people today.

Um, I know, but there's been a change.

Miss Kornhoser liked us, and for some reason, we're one of the three finalists

to get to play the Tuesday night gig.

Well, I don't want the gig. All right, gigs are stupid.

We got the gig?

Really? I wouldn't make that up.

Well, where are the other guys? I mean, we need to rehearse, like, immediately.

I know, they're waiting for my call.

Hey, um...

What about our name?

We're going to have to get over that. But I'm sure we can think of something.

We got a kid.

We got a kid.

We got a kid.

Sure glad I studied.

Hi. Hey, what's wrong?

Try this.

Ouch.

I thought class was going well.

Yeah, well, ignorance is bliss, but I'm miserable.

You know, I could really use some help for my test next week if you've got some

time. I'm around.

And it'll be strictly studying. I mean, I realize you've got something going

with that blonde phone.

What? What, you mean Mara, my cousin?

Your cousin?

Oh, I just... I've been confused, too. I mean, you're acting so distant and

strange. I guess I just figured you didn't want to hang out anymore.

And I didn't know what to do, so I just backed off.

Oh, I'm sorry, Jimmy.

It's not you. It's just all these pressures of school, you know?

Yeah, I guess.

Listen, I'm heading down to the coffee shop later to see Alex's debut.

Do you want to come with me?

Sure.

And now, our third finalist, the Blackbird is pleased to introduce Made

Paradise.

Made in paradise?

Yeah, made. Mac, Alvarado, Driscoll, and Einstein.

I can't believe I didn't think of that.

Hey, how come I'm last?

Eddie, please.

Okay.

One, two, three.

That's my daughter.

She's fat.

In a good way.

It's

cold

out there.

I had such a good time.

Me too.

Alex, we are incredibly proud of you.

Dad. Listen, are you sure the band's going to break up? I mean, you guys came

second place.

I know.

Maybe we won't break up.

But we're definitely going to stop taking ourselves so seriously.

Well, except for Eddie.

Well, whatever.

I mean, we're very impressed by you.

I told you I had hidden talent.

We know that, Alex. We're going to head up. Please set everything off. Good

night. congratulations sweetheart good night baby