Original subtitles

Starno, last week I was captured by Zorgon the Malevolent, the most vicious

Gorgon space pirate and half -brother to the High Gorgon himself.

What have you got to say for yourselves?

We give up. Throw these people in the prison chamber.

You've got to stop those walls.

Will you tell me where it is?

What is it?

Right now, Quark. Where is it? Stop it! Turn off your walls!

It is an asteroid rumbar. We arrive at asteroid rumbar in six hours.

Zorgon wants me with him when we land. When he sees I've been bluffing, I'll be

killed. Ready, Commander.

Okay. Let her go.

Gene, Handy, get back to the ship.

Contact Palindrome. Tell him we've been captured by Zorgon and we need his help.

What you have to do is get Empress Libido to leave a gamma gun for me under

Zorgon's throne.

After a while, Libido will start repeating your name over and over. Her

breathing will become irregular.

When all this happens, you ask her for the gamma gun.

When all this happens, shouldn't I call a doctor?

Libido, this is where we're going to have a problem.

You see, where I come from, we don't kiss.

We pollinate.

Pollinate?

What are you doing?

We were pollinating, sir. Pollen?

A vegeton?

Professor Markov, we've all been looking forward to your speech on the care and

operation of it.

Ah, yes, of course, my speech.

Congratulations,

Quark. It's here.

It is?

All the galaxy will cower at my feet. The Gorgons will rule over all the

planets. We will destroy the head in Perma One and replace them with the rule

the High Gorgon.

And, Quark, it's all because of you.

Betty! Betty!

There, Quark.

It's really there. You were right.

But that's impossible.

I don't even know what it is.

You did well, Quark.

Then stop those walls!

All right.

Prima One has obviously told you about the legend.

What legend?

Well, now it's my turn to thank you as only Zorgon the Malevolent knows how.

Bartell, are there any Lizard Goths on this asteroid?

Yes, Your Highness.

Very well. Then take Quark and the Bettys out.

And feed them to a lizard goth. Oh, no, no. Come on. Wait a minute.

What about our agreement? I took you to it. You even told me I did well.

You did? I'm very grateful to you. That's why I'm being so lenient.

Lenient? You're feeding me to a lizard goth. I hate to see your idea of strict.

Freeze. All right, turn off the laser.

Throw the gun in the corner.

Unlock him.

Oh, I've never done anything like this before.

Only you could drive me to such desperate ends.

Tell me it was worth it, Pandorata. Tell me you love me.

Levito, and I think you'll find this interesting.

As a vegeton, not only am I incapable of love, I'm not even grateful for you

rescuing me.

Promise me you'll never change, Pandorata.

It is not in my nature to change.

Except, of course, with the seasons.

Against all.

Marry me, Pandorata.

You and I will be one. Levito, your mathematical ability is negligible.

You and I would be two, not one.

Marry me, Ponderata. That is impossible.

Okay, we'll live together first.

Libido, I must rescue my commander. I will need your gun.

Oh, no, uh -oh.

Can't have it.

Libido, it is my opinion you will not use that gun.

Libido, I have revised my opinion.

Marry me, and I'll give you the gun. If that is what I must do to rescue my

commander, I will make such a sacrifice.

And we will live happily ever after? You will live happily ever after. I will

just live.

Once you have it, what you got to do with it is you got to heat it.

If they buy that, sell them land?

I'm sorry, Professor. I fail to see what effect that could possibly have.

What effect?

What effect?

The man is talking to me about effect.

I'll tell you what effect it would have.

Once you heat it,

Would anyone like to buy some land?

Well, my nurse and I are feeling a little parched, so we're going to start

again in about an hour.

Thank you. Thank you so much. I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you.

Come in.

Don't look back. Keep moving. You were a bomb.

Who else saves you from being eaten by Lizagoth but the Baron of the Forest

People? I sense danger.

Come, we'll talk more at my camp. These woods are not safe.

Not to mention the wildlife.

I'm tired. I want to rest.

You're tired? You're a machine.

I'm a tired machine.

I don't believe this.

Me leave.

Gorgons are people just like you and me.

Gorgons are people? Andy, that's sick. Now let's jump them.

I don't want to jump.

I'm the commander now. I order you to jump. Now let's jump them.

I will not jump.

They're almost here. Let's jump. Now.

Andy, why did you do that?

Being chained to you threatens my life expectancy.

Andy, what's wrong with you?

Have you got a few moments?

I don't know where to begin.

Sir, the transmute and the robot have escaped from the ship, but security

expects to have them back in custody shortly.

Pretty good.

When they get them back, have the security people eliminated.

Yes, sir.

Oh, and according to our calculations, the legend should come true tonight.

Wonderful. You're looking at a fulfilled emperor, Bartell.

Libido!

What is the meaning of this? Don't push it, Dad.

Would you defy your father?

I've never met a planet. like him.

I see.

Do you love her?

No, sir, I do not. What? Oh, that's just his way.

Pandarat is free of emotions, guilt, and things just don't bother him.

He's the most nowhere man I've ever met.

Does it bother you to learn that Quark has been eaten by a Lizagoth?

Although I respect him deeply, I do not feel what you animals might call anguish

or despair.

Does it bother you that the berries have been eaten by a Lizagoth?

Not at all.

You seem to have a pretty good head on your shoulders, huh, Bartell? Yes, sir.

It's nice to see there's still some sense of decency left in the world.

Daddy! Does that mean that I can have him? I never could deny you anything,

Libido. And you will still marry me? I gave my word and I will keep it.

I will give Libido exactly the care she deserves.

Call him Dad.

Dad. Don't call me Dad.

Baron, Zorgon spoke about a legend.

What do you know about it?

Nothing, except that whatever it is, it's very popular around here. You are

enemy of Zorgon's. The man was feeding me to a Lizagoth. I'd hardly call that a

friendly act. My ancestors are not from the asteroid Romba.

For centuries, they lived an idyllic life on the planet Pupu.

Whenever they were threatened or oppressed, it would always protect them.

they would proceed to wherever the equinox fast approaches the

Lupe and lines up with the lights of Duru within the orbit of our beloved

That's really some legend, Baron.

Then Zolgon was born.

There's more?

Just as we were about to discover our miraculous ancestral legend that would

make us impervious to our enemies, as luck would have it, Zolgon has showed

Baron.

It wasn't luck that brought Zorgon here. I'm afraid it was me. He thought I was

an undercover agent for Perma One.

You? But why?

It was an accident. I just got in the middle of this. I don't know why. I'm a

stranger. The stranger.

And a miracle will lead the stranger to it. And with it, the stranger will

defeat our oppressors. And Quark, you are that stranger.

This has been a very unusual day.

According to our galactic computer, the miracle should begin soon.

Send an expedition and have them bring it to me.

Soon it will be mine.

It will all be mine.

Commander! Gene!

Right, my furry little forest friend. I'll never forget you. Gene?

This is the Baron.

Baron, you and your people are making these woods a lot safer place for all of

us. Thank you, Gene. Gene, did you get word through to Perma One?

Nah, the halls were filled with Gorgies. Me and Andy were lucky enough to make

it off the ship.

Do you hate Gorgons?

Where's Andy?

He's hiding back by Zorgon's ship, pretending he's a nurse.

Hey, what do you think of this new gamut? It's kind of neat, huh?

What is that?

The miracle.

Oh!

Those beams of light will lead us to it.

Hurry.

We must beat the Gorgons.

What's the plan, Adam?

I got a plan.

What is it, Gene? No Gorgies gonna beat me to it.

Gene! Gene!

I thought we were gonna discuss the plan.

You just don't go do a plan.

You talk about it first.

Star note.

Maybe I am the stranger.

The miracle led us through the night. As the dawn breaks, we are very near our

destination. I have never wanted anything as much as it. This must be

it. Open it, Adam.

Open it.

So, it is a stone.

nice with your outfit, Commander.

According to the legend, you are invincible, and the invincible stranger

defeat the oppressors of the forest people, namely Zorgon.

Dad, I need some advice.

Ah, Quark again, huh?

Yeah, he's, uh, disappeared.

Disappeared? Dad, the head has suspended me. What can I do?

You must go back, look the head right in the eye, and do what palindromes have

done for hundreds of years.

Beg.

Beg?

Betty, some power greater than us has brought me to Asteroid Rumbar.

Certainly, you cannot deny the miracle.

I am the stranger.

I am invincible.

Door opens.

What is it, Bartell?

Quark is alive, and he has it.

No. I must have it.

Sir, I've analyzed the stone over my M2V scanner. It's completely worthless.

Maybe it is not good with doors.

Door open. After all these years, after all my efforts?

Well, of course I didn't want the stone for its powers.

Of course not, sir. I wanted it for its beauty.

To put in my collection.

For my sensitive side.

But so all is not totally wasted. Let Quark in.

We'll destroy him and gain that beautiful stone.

It's the artist in me.

Star note.

My life is riding on a rock from the planet Poo -Poo.

Gene, give me the gun. But you're invincible.

Invincible? I can't even get the door open.

Door, I order you to open.

Jumping space bats!

Oh, I see. You just have to be firm with it.

Can I wear that stone?

No, Gene.

You can have the gun.

Don't make a move.

He's going to take his hand away from your mouth, and you're going to tell me

very quietly where I can find the vegeton who goes by the name of Ficus

Panderata. Do you understand?

All right, talk.

He's with the Empress Libido in her private chambers.

Thanks, Gordy.

I wasn't through questioning him. We don't know where Libido's chambers are.

Oh.

Well, he'll come around in about an hour.

Do you hate the Gorgon? Gene.

You're a good man, Gorgon. You're a good man.

Star note.

Gene is not the kind of person you'd want to be with on a planet with a lot

moons.

Door open.

You're going back to your maker, Quark. Door closed.

Ah, so the legend is true. You didn't know?

There were some gray areas.

So the stone has no powers, eh?

Sir, I swear it's completely worthless.

The disintegration ray must have reflected off the stone. A quark would

Come on, we've got to get Thorgon.

First we have to make sure Ficus is all right.

Don't worry, my furry little forest friend.

We'll take care of Thorgon.

Furry little forest friend.

Poor quark here.

The cycloid will take care of him.

And you enjoy the cycloid so much more than the disintegration ray.

The stone has no power. For your sake, I hope so.

I'm not always such a loose guy, Bartell.

Baron, this might be dangerous. If you want to return to your people, I'll

understand. Good idea. Thank you, Quirk.

Where are the Empress Levito's chambers?

I will never tell.

Gene, tell this man why you were thrown out of the Youth Academy.

Because every time I had to draw pictures, I drew Gorgons, and their

didn't have any heads, and I did them in purple.

Princess Libido is through that door.

Now, Jean.

Bettys, get back to the ship and see if you can get it free.

Yes, sir.

Jean, find Andy and get back to the ship.

Commander, that isn't fair.

Whenever someone has to face danger and death, you always get to do it yourself.

I'm invincible, Jean.

You'd only be in the way. Now get back to the ship. If I'm not back in an hour,

take off without me. That's an order.

What are you doing here?

I thought I'd use my own judgment, Commander.

Gene, listen to me carefully.

Never, ever use your own judgment around me.

Is that clear?

See you, Skipper.

It would appear that you have not, in fact, been eaten by a Lizagoth. The

saved me. The Baron? Don't ask. I've been through a lot. Not to mention this

stone, which makes me invincible.

Let's go.

Commander, as much as I would like to go with you, I'm afraid I cannot.

Cannot?

Panderata and I are going to be married.

Ficus, is this another one of your strange little vegetable jokes?

No, sir.

You see, I sacrificed myself in order to achieve your escape.

To a Vegeton, honor is everything. I must stay.

Well, I don't like it, but I must respect your integrity as a Vegeton. I

this is goodbye.

Bye.

After all these years, what can I say? You can say anything you want to say,

Commander.

Ficus, I know. I mean, what do I want to say? You're asking me what you want to

say? Oh, Ficus. Is this a warm moment, Commander?

Yes, Ficus.

Yes. Good.

You like them.

Goodbye.

Commander, about that stone making you invincible, I don't believe it. I've

it work, Ficus.

Ficus.

Dorgan, I'm arresting you in the name of the United Galaxy.

We'll see about that, Quark.

Why don't you save us all a lot of trouble and hand yourself in?

I know you're listening.

You can't win, Zorgon.

Not only do I know what it is, but I know where it is and how to use it.

Okay.

If I have to, I'll rip down every wall on this ship.

Face the cyclot.

Oh, hi.

How are you?

Look, I don't want to harm you.

I know you're probably the victim of a weak economy.

I don't know what kind of a home you come from, but go back to it.

Be with your children.

Build your field.

That hurt.

What can that be?

I'm invincible.

Stone.

Hey, don't you know about the legend?

The loopy constellation. You know that one, don't you? The stone. Remember the

stone?

Remember a long time ago?

You know, there was a stone that put a little box.

Remember that?

Everybody knows about the barrens.

Vegeton will be trouble.

Give me your laser.

Why is this happening?

Because, sir, it, the stone, has no power at all.

But I opened, I opened the door.

A disintegrating ray bounced off me and a gorgon disappeared.

The door could have been open. The laser blast could have been reflected by the

stone. I wasn't invincible?

No, sir. This particular stone is so dense it would reflect a disintegration

ray. Then what was I doing telling this thing to till its fields? I could have

been killed.

That's correct, sir, but you weren't.

What got you through was your belief in the worthless stone.

You mean the power of it is within every one of us? You've meddled for the last

time, Pliss. No, Daniel!

Libido.

What have I done?

It would appear that you've frozen her.

I think he knew that, Ficus.

Are you all right? The laser didn't hit me, sir. No, I mean about Libido.

It seemed in your own way you were quite fond of her. Sir, being a realist, I am

quite confident that this won't affect our relationship at all.

No, probably won't.

Let's go, Zorgon. You're going to prison for a long time.

Oh, what have I done to my poor Libido?

You know, medicine today is doing remarkable work with the frozen.

We'll take Libido back to Perma One with us, and in five or six years, she'll be

back to normal. As good as new, Dad.

I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop in.

Oh, please, sir, I beg of you. I don't want to be suspended.

My stomach is always woozy.

People look at me with strange glints in their eye.

A quasi -norm called me a loser.

Palindrome, this is Quark.

Sir, it's Quark.

He's back.

I found him. Should I handle this in my usual efficient manner, sir? Yes,

palindrome. Your suspension is over.

I shall expect to see a marked improvement in your work.

the galaxy ad infinitum. No, you will, sir. You will. This is long distance.

Quark, where have you been?

I've captured Zorgon the Malevolent. Well, you could have called first.

The Velcro has to be cleaned up. The head is very upset.

You almost cost me my job.

Don't you want to hear the story?

Yes, I'm sure it's great. I'll listen to it as soon as you've cleaned up the

Velcro. Oh, Quark, excuse me. I've got to put in a call to my father. You know

how he likes you.

Quark, please, have a little dignity.

Don't beg.

Do you want to hear the story?

Actually, it's quite interesting.

You see, Dink, it isn't every day I become a legend.

I was on this seemingly routine garbage run. You know, just picking up trash.

Had the little claws out. Some of the space baggage, you know.