All language subtitles for Newhart s08e17 Born to Be Mild

loud and nice.

She's becoming more like yours truly
every day.

The future frightens me.

Hey, want to see pictures of baby
Stephanie?

What a question, of course.

Hey, these snaps are in black and
whitey.

If this is some sort of artistic
statement, well, frankly, I don't get

It was an old roll of film. It was in an
old camera.

That's owned by an old man.

Holy

Kodak!

It's a monstrous -looking teenage boy.

The lab must have mixed up the pics.

Michael!

That means somewhere a monstrous
-looking family is passing around photos

baby.

Wait a minute.

This teenage monster is me.

Well, lucky for you, you grew into that
face.

George, are you saying this film's been
in your camera over 40 years?

Well, I've been wanting to finish it.

Isn't this Jim and Chester standing next
to you?

Yeah.

That's when we were in this gang, the
Vermont Hooligans.

Back then, I was called Pliers, Jim was
Mustache, and

Chester was Little Stinky.

Why Little Stinky?

You had to be there.

And you wouldn't have wanted to be.

Pliers, this cat's curious.

What sort of gang activities did you
guys participate in?

The usual.

We soaped windows, threw snowballs
against the sides of buildings.

Of course, snowballs were more a
seasonal thing.

You hooligans make the gangs in West
Side Story look like a bunch of dancers.

Hey, you ever think of having a gang
reunion?

What a great idea.

All this talking about the hooligans has
made me realize how much I miss them.

Well, it's not surprising, because when
you're a jet, you're a jet all the way.

From your first cigarette to your last
dying day.

None of us hooligans ever smoke.

Except for Butts.

May he rest in peace.

mustache, little stinky.

What are you doing here, Mr. Rosnack?

My Uncle Butts was a hooligan.

May he rest in peace.

Well, I'd like to go on record as saying
I'm against having guests.

Hooligans' meetings were never open to
the public.

That's because your mom's porch only had
room for six.

Now, Dick's here. This must be the
Vermont Tour, the Maple Candy House, and

Hooligan Reunion.

I'm just, uh, I'm just, I'm passing
through. What does it matter? Just sit

Let's get this show on the road.

Well, I can't, I can't stay. I, uh, I
have a life.

Stay.

Better do it, Dick. You don't want to
tick off Little Stinky.

Why don't you three hooligans sit over
here and reminisce about the days of

while we sit over yonder? And hang on
your every word, our mouths agape.

Hey, remember that time we soaked Mrs.
Gordon's windows?

Hey, what about when we threw that
snowball at Ms. Quigley's house?

Oh, you left out the day that we soaked
old man Shapiro's windows and threw a

snowball at his house.

What a lame gang.

Hey, you ever think of starting up the
old gang again? We'd join.

We could call ourselves the New
Hooligans.

The New Munsters did it.

Oh, you kids today with your dreams and
your bell -bottom trousers.

Starting the gang up again would just
make us look silly.

Unless Dick joins.

What? Why, you'd lend credibility to the
gang.

Everybody knows how sensible you are.
We'd be sensible by association.

Forget it.

Oh, gee.

Sir, why put yourself out when you can
just sit back and destroy people's

dreams?

You single -handedly dealt a death blow
to the hooligans.

Even our arch -rivals, the ruffians,
were never able to do that.

Okay, I'm a hooligan. All those in favor
of Dick being gang leader, say aye.

Aye.

How did I get to be leader? Oh, you're
the sensible one.

I used to be.

All right, all right.

My first act as hooligan leader is to
adjourn this meeting till next year.

Dick, we know you're anxious to strut
around town telling everyone you're a

hooligan. But first we have to assign
new nicknames to all the new members.

Now, let's see. Since you're the brains,
your nickname should be something

like...

Brains.

Very apropos.

If this Mr. Rusnak works in a shoe
store, he'll be laces.

I'd rather be leather.

We're going with laces. It's less
pornographic.

And since Michael spends way too much
money on clothing, we'll call him

horse.

Gang -ish, yet fashionable.

I'll trade you. Yeah, right, like I'd
want to be called Laces.

I just want to compliment everyone on
how much we've accomplished today, but

once again, the meeting is adjourned.
Not so fast, Brains.

We still have to order the jackets.

Oh, yeah, jackets.

Okay, uh...

Hoods or not?

Oh, we're hoods, all right.

Stay with the program, Pliers.

Do we want hoods on our jackets?

Well,

Vermont has gotten colder in recent
years.

Hooligans aren't afraid of the cold.
Some of us hooligans have poor

And when your head's warm, your body's
warm.

I don't agree. Now, what if on a snowy
day you went out without pants?

wearing a hat. Are you saying it
wouldn't be cold?

You're muddying the issue. We will be
wearing pants.

Hooligans have always worn pants.

The problem I have with hoods is that
damn string.

That damn string is what prevents the
hood from flapping in the breeze.

But sometimes the string slips inside
the hood and you can't pull it out.

Just... Just tie knots in the ends.
That's my secret. Yeah, well, what kind

knots are we talking about? Enough
already!

We're going with hoods, and that's that.
Now, I adjourn this meeting till next

year. No, you mean till next week. We
still have to pick up the jackets.

Fine, we meet next week, and then we
adjourn till next year.

Is that a year from today or a year from
next week?

brains as having a stroke.

So what do you hooligans have planned
for today?

Gonna thump some windows or throw some
snowballs?

We're waiting for our gang jackets to
arrive so bare.

Oh, Joanna, they're getting jackets.

What's next, gang nightshirts?

Yeah, this used to be a quiet town.

Then the hooligans wrote in and gave us
something to laugh at.

What's their problem?

Oh, women always laughed at us
hooligans.

That's why none of us ever dated till we
were well past 30.

Remember, you're hooligans, not
ruffians.

Brains.

Flyers.

Clothes hearts.

Laces.

Little stinky.

Just throw it in the dryer for a week.
It'll shrink.

Did my jacket also say hula gals?

Don't worry.

It does.

Now, how'd that happen?

This might explain things.

Next to my order, George checked extra,
extra large.

And under gang name, he wrote hula gals.

Darn if I know what I was thinking.

Why we left the ordering to Pliers
instead of Clothes Horse is beyond me.

Well, there's only one thing to do, send
back our jackets, disband the gang, and

live happily ever after.

Or we change the name of our gang to
Hooligals. Hey, that's great!

an opened window.

That's the ruffian's calling card.

It's from the ruffian.

Unembossed stationery.

Well, the ruffian's leader owns a print
shop.

Fine work at reasonable prices.

Dear hooligans, we heard you're back
together. You are cordially invited to

attend a rumble at 2 .15 this afternoon
in the alley behind Miss Dana's

Tap and Twirl.

Wow, our first rumble. This will keep
the gals from laughing at us hooligans.

Right.

As gang secretary, I'm checking the will
attend box.

This afternoon, we rumble.

Rumble, rumble, rumble, rumble, rumble,
rumble, rumble.

Oh, Brain.

I washed your hooligal jacket.

Shouldn't you be getting ready for your
rumble?

Not if I'm not going.

Oh, come on. You'll disappoint your
little hooligal pals.

masculinity in one room is making me
swoon.

One thing about being a hooligal, you
get to hear a lot of sarcasm.

We went over to the alley and picked up
all the broken glass and things. This

way there'll be no injuries.

Yeah, you know, you wouldn't want to get
hurt at a rumble.

We even scraped up all the gum and hosed
down the area.

Boy, a person could eat off that
asphalt.

Laces did.

Trying to get my nickname changed to
Oinker.

Michael, I made you lunch for the
rumble.

There's hot cocoa.

a Twinkie, and a Flintstone vitamin.

Now, don't go trading the ruffians for
things their mommies put in their

lunchbox.

Do my eyes mislead me, or is my merciful
muffin getting lap lines?

So, brains, ready to rumble?

No, no, but you guys go and have a good
time.

Tell the ruffians I say yo.

You make me sick.

Could be all that alley food you're
eating.

Pretty soon that guy won't have any
tires left.

Hey.

It's a beautiful turkey from the
ruffians.

Now I feel bad about all those nasty
things we said about them.

Suppose now we have to cook them
something.

Here, brains.

This is addressed to you.

Did I mention you make me sick?

I believe you did.

Dear brains, we knew you'd turkey out.

You don't have the giblets to rumble.

Sincerely, the ruffians.

Gobbler must have sent this. His father
owns that turkey farm over in Tyville.

Delicious birds at reasonable prices.

So, Brains, you, uh, turking out?

Do you have giblets?

I have giblets. I may not know what they
are, but I'm sure I have them.

Well, come on, let's go, hula gals.
We've only got the alley until 2 .30.

Yeah,

and I got a knife fight at the freight
yard at 3.

Looks like those ruffians are late. I
bet they got cold giblets.

You guys

are

more pitiful looking than I remember.

And that's not saying much.

Well, since Brains is our leader now,
he'll be the one responding to your

Oh, so you're Brains, huh?

What's this, your dad's jacket?

No, it's not my dad's jacket.

My wife tried to shrink it.

But it, uh... It didn't... It didn't
work.

Good comeback, Brains. Very factual.

Hey, that jacket's a hula gal's. Sounds
like we're fighting a bunch of Hawaiian

dancing girls.

Oh, yeah?

Another bar for you to respond to.

Maybe there's something about Hawaii
being the 50th state.

You guys are kind of brave for a gang
called Puffians.

Okay, okay.

Glass houses.

It's Wrench's fault.

He did the ordering.

Wrench. What a silly name.

You tell them, Pliers.

Hey, look, we didn't come here to gab.

Or did we? I've never been to one of
these.

We came to rumble. So let's rumble.
Rumble, rumble, rumble. We're not gonna

rumble. Gobble, gobble, gobble.

I'm not turking out.

I just think that rumbling is stupid.

Speaking of stupid, your name is Beauty?

I used to be quite a looker.

Well, I was.

Maybe Brains would rather be home
writing one of his how -to books.

You know, the ones with all those
grammatical errors.

My books don't have grammatical errors.

It is important to gently hammer the
towel racks into position.

You split an infinitive?

Tell me it ain't so, brains.

The publisher rushed me on that book. I
suppose it was your publisher's fault.

You used a dangling participle, double
negatives, and all -around poor sentence

structure.

You know, you got a lot of nerve
criticizing the work that I devoted my

Did I just hear you end a sentence with
a preposition?

How would you feel if I said that your
father strangled the turkeys all wrong?

So your book's garbage.

Well, we'll just put it where it
belongs.

That's it.

We rumble!

and Jerome Robbins without a
choreographer were pretty much dead in

What did you do the other times you
rumbled?

We never rumbled before.

We never had a reason.

Come to think of it, we don't have a
reason now.

Yes, we do. The Puffians insulted my
books.

No, that's your reason, not ours.

get us involved in your vendettas.

Yeah, I think we should all go home and
start thinking about next year's jacket.

Hey, wait a minute. Nobody's going home.

After everything I've gone through, I'm
entitled to a rumble.

Rumble.

Rumble.

How about if the two of us just arm
wrestle?

Would that make you a happy guy?

Arm wrestling's good. Oh, all right.

Come on.

We just clean.

Okay. Come on, Bray. On three. Come on,
beauty.

Come on. One. Take them down. Two. Get
your head in it, Bray. Three. Come on,

Bray.

Oh, shut up.

All right, Prange, you got us this time,
but there's always next year.

Knock wood, we're still alive.

We'll be ready, Puffians.

Yeah, I got you, Puffy, right here.

Well, now that we've won, what do we do?

Well, I don't know about you guys, but
I'm going to Disneyland.