Original subtitles

Oh, Michael, if it's a boy, I refuse to name him Bradley.

Why, Cuppy?

My first boyfriend's name was Bradley, and I still haven't forgiven him for

breaking our date.

Just because of that stupid appendectomy.

What's come over you? You used to remember every detail of my life.

I know there was a time I had every muffin moment memorized.

Bad brain, bad, bad.

Oh, this book is useless. There are no names in here.

50 ,000 names for your baby.

Come on, there are a lot of nice names out there.

I've always been partial to the name Chrissy.

Oh, right. Like I'm going to name my child after the dumb one in three

companies.

Hey, Dick, Joanna, guess what I found?

A woman's wallet?

Gee, you sure know how to blow a guessing game.

Whose wallet is it, George?

Beats me.

Have you given any thought to opening it?

That would be a federal offense.

George, I think you're confusing opening a person's wallet with opening a

person's mail.

What if there's a letter in here?

Now it's jail. Oh, God.

I'm sure it would be okay if you took a peek.

Catherine Sutter.

Gee, she's pretty.

Nice picture for a driver's license.

It's not scary like yours, Dave.

I had the flu that day, George.

Looks like Catherine had breakfast this morning at the Summit Ski Lodge.

That's probably where she's staying.

She had bacon and eggs.

I had bacon and eggs.

Spooky coincidence, huh?

A chill just went up my spine.

A fishing license. Do you know what this means?

She fishes?

I have a fishing license, too.

Oh, my God, this is too freaky.

Be still, my heart.

A Sears credit card.

She's perfect.

This is fate. Dick, do you believe God meant for me to find this wallet?

No, George.

What about you, Joanna?

Well... God does work in mysterious ways.

After all, he did create Larry, Daryl, and Daryl.

George, when you call her up about the wallet, feel out the situation.

This is ridiculous.

What if she's married?

What if she has a fiancé in tow?

What if she's an axe murderer?

Boy,

those are good questions.

Joanna, Hebrew for God's gracious gift.

What a wonderful book.

So what should I ask first?

Something like, is Catherine Sutter there?

Damn, you're good.

Thanks for being here.

Don't mention it, George. To anyone.

Is Catherine Sutter there?

They're ringing her room.

God, I can hardly breathe.

Is this Catherine Sutter?

Hi, this is George Utley. I think I found your wallet.

Yeah, I was pretty excited about it, too.

Can I ask you a few personal questions to make sure it's yours?

She said yes.

What do I ask?

Ask her her address.

Most people know, you know, where they live.

Yeah.

Could you please give me your address?

She knows where she lives.

What do I ask next?

Ask if she knows when her fishing license expires.

Do you have any...

What kind of a question is that?

You've lost your fastball, Dick. I'll take it from here.

Did your husband know your wallet was missing?

See, that's a very clever way of... I know, I know, George.

You're single?

Hot diggity.

Hot diggity.

Did your fiancé in tow know your wallet was missing?

There's no fiancé in tow.

Do you own an axe?

She thinks these are really dumb questions.

She's right.

Catherine and I have a confession.

All these dumb questions, well, they were my friend Dick's.

You'll meet him when you pick up your wallet at the Stratford Inn.

Great.

Bye. I can't believe it. She's coming over. She wants her wallet.

Heather.

No.

Mendel.

Isn't it obvious, Jojo? We've hired Merrick White, a much -touted baby

consultant.

He's here to analyze our auras and help us select the perfect name for our

bundle -o' -baby.

There's been a resurgence of a name I find enormously appealing.

It has a certain je ne sais quoi. Do tell, do tell.

Clara.

That's an old lady's name.

This, Clara, begins with a K.

Ew.

That's a negative, old namer of names. I've already supplied you with three

superb names and you've rejected them all.

I suppose I must resort to tactile communication.

If you must, you must.

Avery. Avery?

Hmm.

You hated Avery. They hated Avery.

And we still do. I'm sorry, but that name would only work if I were giving

to an elf child.

And she's not.

Darn.

Betty.

Excuse me, oh master of monikers, but that's the name of Barney Rubble's wife.

I did not say Betty. I said Betty. B -E -D -D -Y.

As in Betty... Bye?

I can't continue.

There is too much negative energy in this room.

Oh, Mr. White, please don't go.

We'll send Dick out of town.

The damage is done.

You'll get my bill in the mail.

Thanks. A lot, Dick.

My wife's out to hear pregnant, and you've insulted the best name man in the

business.

Michael, I'm frightened.

Our child won't have a name.

We can't call the poor thing Baby It.

It's Harris.

I could live with it.

She's here.

I just saw the cab pull up. Do I look okay?

Oh, very dapper, George.

Do you think I should have worn my overalls?

You must be George.

Thank you.

Would you excuse me?

I just need to pay the driver.

I guess that's Catherine.

I am so glad you found this. You know, I thought it was in my back pocket the

whole time.

You'd think I would have felt it missing.

So, are you enjoying your stay in Vermont?

Oh, it's great, especially the fishing.

I hate to brag, but I did reel in the catch of the day. You wouldn't believe

size of my bath.

Pretty, uh...

Pretty big, huh?

George, if you're not busy, maybe you'd like to have dinner with me. My treat.

Oh, uh... I guess that's a yes.

Well, it was very nice meeting both of you.

It was nice meeting both... It was nice

meeting you, too.

Have a nice time. Thank you.

Sweet, sweet girl. Yeah.

Did you notice the signs? No. Neither did I.

Morning,

Dick. Morning. Morning, George.

How'd it go with Captain?

I had a good time.

Did you like her?

Yes, she seemed like a nice girl.

Did you think she was pretty?

Beautiful. Beautiful face.

Oh, yeah. And beautiful eyes.

Lovely skin.

What a smile.

Perfect teeth.

I like her hair.

Beautiful hair.

Pretty highlights.

And a very slim waist.

Beautiful waist.

Did you like her shoes?

I think they might have been Italian.

Really?

That was the biggest rear -end I've ever seen.

Wasn't it? I thought it was just me.

Do you think Joanna noticed, or is that something only we guys pick up on?

This sort of thing knows no gender, George.

How could someone be so completely perfect in every way and have such a big

So where'd you go for dinner?

The Drum and Musket family restaurant out on Route 14.

Yeah, they...

Pretty big booze there, don't they?

That's why I suggested it, but I forgot that the seats were Naugahyde.

When she scooted in, it was like the call of the wild.

We shouldn't be laughing.

I know.

Then she wanted to go to the movies.

There were only two seats left in the middle of the row.

That's fine for her, but where do you sit?

The seats were fine once she got settled.

It was getting her out that was a little tricky.

We shouldn't be laughing.

Oh, we're the worst.

Just awful.

Dick, I really have a problem here. You got a big problem?

No, no, I'm serious.

No, there's a damn... coming up at the beaver lodge.

If I brought Catherine, would the guys laugh?

Of course not, George.

Why, you didn't dance cheek to cheek.

Not a lot of help you are.

Oh, George.

Bottoms up.

Joanna, have you seen George? I want to apologize for some jokes I did about

Catherine's big figure.

He's in his room changing for his date. Catherine will be here any minute.

Better warn the chairs.

You know, I'm surprised you're acting like this considering your own

imperfections.

Well, like what?

Your laugh.

What's wrong with my laugh?

It's grating.

My laugh is not grating. If anything, it's infectious.

Yeah, right.

Boy, sometimes, Joanna, you can be so cruel.

Hi -ho, amigo and amiga.

We came by to let you bask in our happiness.

We're thoughtful that way.

You two sure are in a good mood.

We went up to that big rock on Johnny Cake Point and looked within ourselves.

You know, really, really deep.

What we realized on our internal safari that we can't just swing through the

trees randomly plucking a name as you would, a banana.

Not unless you name the baby Chiquita.

Our baby will be named...

After one of the two people we love and respect most.

The ones who had more impact on our lives than anyone else in the whole wide

world.

Stephanie, if it's a girl. And Michael, if it's a boy.

Did you really think they were going to name the baby after one of us?

Did you really want them to?

Where are you and Catherine going?

Well, she wanted to go someplace exotic, so I'm taking her to the Pachinko

Arcade over at Johnny Cape Corners.

So you're going to keep seeing Catherine?

Yeah.

I spent the whole day mulling it over, and heck, she may have a big bottom, but

I've got an even bigger heart.

She's lucky to...

To have a guy as sensitive as you are, George.

Thanks, Dick.

Oh, please.

Catherine's big bottom couldn't possibly be as big as your male egos.

Oh.

You know, I don't know what's come over Joanna. She's... She's developed a mean

streak.

Bye, Catherine.

Sit and chat a little before we go.

Okay. You know, I've thought about it, and I just wanted to say that I've

decided to continue seeing you.

George, I'm glad that you brought this up.

You are a very sweet man.

But I've got to be honest. I'm just not physically attracted to you.

Hold the bus.

What do you mean you're not physically attracted to me?

I'm sorry, but that's just the way I feel. What's wrong with me?

Oh, nothing, really. I mean, I'm sure there must be some women who would like

the way you walk.

What's wrong with the way I walk?

You walk like a goon.

See, now I've made you feel bad.

Oh, I'm not even going to mention the other things.

Maybe I'd just better leave.

I'd walk you to the door, but I wouldn't want to offend you with my goony walk.

I'm sure there must be some things about me that don't appeal to you.

Nothing comes to mind.

Well, thanks again for returning my wallet. You're welcome. By the way, your

fishing license expires next month. You'd better renew it.

I will.

Bye, George.

Bye, Catherine.

George, where's Catherine?

She dumped me.

Jim.

I'm sorry, George.

She said I had a goony walk.

Goony?

Your walk is not goony. In fact, if anything, it's a very manly walk.

Really? One of the manliest.

You're right. It's about the furthest thing from Goonie.

What do women know?

Joanna thinks my laugh is grating.

Why?

It's... It's... Infectious.

That's what I thought.

I'd love to have a laugh like yours someday.

Women can be so superficial.

Oh, tell me about it.

I'm living it.

What say we grab a brew down at Drummond Musket? Just us guys.

You're on, George.

You want me to drive?

Well, let's walk.

Right. Then I can watch your manly walk.

George, that's a wonderful walk.

How do you do it? Well, it's all in the neck, Dick. It's just...

See?

I can't do it. There's that infectious laugh.