Original subtitles

How is everything?

Perfect. Good.

I mean, if I had to come up with one complaint, it would be that my coffee is

not quite hot enough. But, uh... Yeah, I can't imagine a

situation... Yeah, where I would have to

come up with a complaint.

And how is our real maid, Stephanie, doing in Newport?

The Vanderkellens are pampering my prego partner to death.

She's not sure she can survive another three -day facial.

Morning, gang.

Oh, hi, Paul. Hi, Paul.

Please feel free to sit in my seat.

Oh, thanks.

Could you heat this up?

That's what I pay me for.

Dick.

I came up with a great title for your Vermont Today special.

Hidden Shame.

The Silent Burden.

What's with the snort, Harris?

Well, it's just that when I was a VIP at PIV, I was on top of things.

But then I was a professional producer, not some stage manager slash donut

wrangler who just happened to kiss up to the right head cheese.

I bet your professionalism comes in real handy now that you're a bag boy.

Boys, boys.

Are you saying that we aren't going to have any guests?

Dick, it's not easy finding people who will talk about their shameful secrets,

especially in a town where no one's done anything shameful.

I have to agree with Michael Snort.

I mean, without guests, you know, this show is going to be lacking a certain

something. Dick, don't worry. You'll have your guests. We're offering an

incentive.

Anyone appearing on Vermont Today gets a free weekend at the Stratford.

Oh, goody, more work for me.

Morning. Morning, George.

Oh, hi, Paul.

Oh, hi, George.

Here, take my seat. I kept it warm for you.

Ooh, you sure did.

See you Sunday, Dick. Bye, Joanna.

Hey, Mikey.

Clean up on aisle six.

Could you heat this up?

Why didn't you just get Paul to sit on it?

Well, Dixers, don't worry about your special on Sunday. I'm sure Paulie will

find you gobs of guests.

You never told me you were doing a special Vermont today.

Sometimes I don't feel like I'm part of your life anymore.

Well, it isn't much of a special, George. The guests, if there are any,

going to talk about a hidden shame in their lives and then spend a weekend at

the Stratford.

What a weird concept for a show.

Dick, would taking someone's car and driving it into a swamp be considered a

hidden shame?

Well, unless you're one of the Dukes of Hazzard, yes.

Why, George?

My hidden shame happened over 40 years ago.

there was this street gang I wanted to join. Well, actually, it wasn't a street

gang because the streets hadn't been paved yet.

It was more a dirt road gang.

To pass my initiation, I had to sneak into a car, turn up the radio real

loud, then run like the Dickens.

Tough gang.

Anyway, I found a car with the keys inside and...

started it up so I could turn on the radio.

But there was a problem.

The car was in gear.

Whoops.

That's what I said just before the car plunged into Johnny Cake's swamp.

Would you like to go on my show and tell your secret to the public?

No, no. This whole town thinks of me as little Mr.

Goody Two -Shoes.

I'd hate to lose that image.

Well, we could hide you behind a screen and alter your voice.

Like you did with that guy that squealed on the mob?

Tommy Azari. Is that who that was? No.

Okay, you talked me into it. I'll do it. Great.

What kind of curtain will I be hiding behind?

Do you have anything in a red and white checkerboard with an inch -wide gold

border?

No, system.

Plain old curtain. All right.

Heat it up, Joanna.

Heat it up, Joanna.

How does Stephanie take this crap?

And now it's a special Vermont Today starring Dick Loudon.

Hello and welcome to a special Vermont Today we're calling Hidden Shame.

The Silent Bird.

I guess we'll be talking about the years spent living with shameful secrets and

the joy they felt when they unburdened themselves.

First up is Bruce Gordon.

Hello, Bruce. Hi, Jack.

It says here you are a compulsive gambler.

How much would you say you lost during this period?

Well, I'd estimate it at around 60 ,000 matchsticks.

And, of course, matchsticks is a term hardcore gamblers use to refer to

matchsticks.

So, over the years, your habit must have cost you what?

Fifty bucks?

Well, not that much, but... But it doesn't make my tail any less

You see, I could never get my hands on enough matches.

Eventually, I started stealing from my son's matchstick bridge.

I kept praying he wouldn't notice the bridge getting lower.

And one day, he looked at me. He said, Daddy, why doesn't my bridge

have any clearance?

Our next guest is Dorothy Benson.

Mrs. Benson's shame involves the hopefully fascinating area of

fraud. Hello, Dorothy. Hi, Dick.

Now, what exactly do you mean by communications fraud?

Well, for years, I phoned my sister in Palm Springs and never paid for one

And?

Isn't that enough?

See, I phone Emily person to person and ask for someone fictitious.

For instance, I would tell the operator I wanted to speak to Apollo, the god of

the sun.

My sister would say, I'm sorry, Apollo just stepped out.

That was my way of telling sis it was a sunny day here in Vermont.

You'd actually ask the operator for the god of the sun?

Oh, not always.

Now, I must ask for Neptune, the sea god, if I want his sister to know my

overflowed.

Or, or, her macadachies, to say I was feeling sexually ambiguous.

Our next... This guilt -ridden guest, whose shame is so

ugly he won't even show his face, once took a car and drove it into Johnny

Cake's swamp.

Better than matches and gods, huh?

Mr. X?

The old man behind the curtain.

Who, me?

I sound funny.

Hello. Hello.

Hello.

Bud, can you adjust that thing? It sounds like I'm interviewing a Saturday

morning cartoon.

Sure thing, Dick.

I had the same problem with Tommy Azari.

Okay, Mr. X, tell us in your own words, but not your own voice, what led to this

hidden shame.

Well, many years ago, I wanted to join this gang, the Vermont Hooligans.

I had to find a car, turn up the radio real loud, and run.

Well, I found a car, but there was one problem.

left in gear, so do not turn the key.

Mr.

X? Yes, Dick?

That's George Otley.

I just want to say congrats. Nay, super congrats.

George popping his punim over that curtain was a brilliant fusion of

and photography.

When you see him, would you give him this?

I talked him out of throwing rose petals at George's feet.

There he is, Dick.

Oh, right.

Thank you very much, Dick.

Well, goodbye, everybody.

Where did he go?

My guess is Hollywood called.

What do they sound like, George? Young, I bet.

I don't know what you're talking about, Michael, but then I never do.

Go west, old man.

La La Land awaits.

Well, it's been nice knowing you. George, you aren't really going to La La

No, but I am going away.

to a place where no one's ever heard of Vermont today.

It may mean going over that hill, but I'm prepared to do so.

Oh, George, you can't run away just because of Dick's show.

I mean, it's not like anybody watches it.

Even if no one watched, word will get out, by nightfall, a torch -carrying mob

will run me out of town.

George. There might be a few small -minded people in the town, but even

forgive you for something that happened 40 years ago.

You think?

You're right. These people are my friends.

Thanks, Joanna. I guess I'll go unpack.

It's a good thing I didn't have my mail forwarded or my features altered.

Attention.

At ease, Loudon family.

What's up?

We're informing everyone about the special meeting tonight.

We're voting on whether or not to run George Utley out of town.

Also, whether or not we should paint the gazebo.

This is ridiculous.

I told you that gazebo's a touchy subject.

You aren't really serious about running George out of town.

The man committed a crime. It's our duty to rid this hamlet of scum.

I thought you liked George.

We do.

He's a lovely man.

Being scum doesn't change that.

Historical footnote. My father, Officer Shifflett Sr., Was sheriff of this town

when the case of the DeSoto in the swamp with the radio on occurred.

It was the one crime he couldn't solve.

It eventually killed him.

Your father's still alive.

The story has more impact this way.

His dying wish was for me to become a peace officer and crack this case.

Now that it's cracked, I can become what I always wanted.

A night manager at Wendy's.

We should go. You know how long it takes to round up a mob.

And getting it riled is a chore in itself.

Now that my secret's out, I feel like a cloud has been lifted.

The sky's bluer, the grass is greener.

Jim and Chester and...

Officer Shifflett was just here.

I'll go pack my bags again.

Once again, we'd like to thank George Utley for his fine work organizing this

year's Ye Olde Apple Day Festival. Let's hear it for George.

Not so fast, George. It's still the matter of getting you out of town.

I was hoping you'd forget.

Normally I might have, but since Jim gave me a beautiful pack of pen for my

birthday, I've been writing everything down.

1995!

Now for the reason we're here. All those in favor of running George... George?

Before you vote, I'd like to say something in my behalf.

It was Joanna's idea.

The truth is, I'm guilty as sin.

What I did was wrong, just plain misguided and really, really dumb.

I'd like to change what I did, but I can't. I just hope you'll find it in

hearts to forgive me and let me stay here until I die.

Thank you.

Okay.

All in favor of running George out of town, raise your hand.

The citizens have spoken, George.

You have 24 hours to get out. I say we give them till high noon tomorrow.

the traditional getting out of town time.

I thought sundown was the traditional getting out of town time.

No, sundown is when all the beautiful flowers close their petals and sleep.

Someone should install a stupidity alarm in here.

Those things are no good, Dick. Mine's always going off for no reason.

Okay, thank you all for coming.

And George, thanks again for a triumphant ye olde apple day.

Bye -bye, George.

Call once in a while, pal.

But this is idiotic.

You people are such a bunch of hypocrites.

I mean, everyone in this room has done at least one shameful thing.

Haven't you ever heard the expression, let he who is without sin cast the first

stone? As town librarian, I'm fairly certain that quote's from the Bible.

Well, then, as a God -fearing Presbyterian, there is something I'm

It has to do with how Chester won the last election for mayor.

Jim Dixon, you said you'd go to your grave with that secret.

Well, that was before Dick made me cave in with that fire and brimstone speech.

I don't want to spend eternity in the hot place.

Go ahead, Dixon, spill your guts.

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Well, remember how Chester won with 50 more votes than there are people in this

town?

Well, that was because he stuffed the ballot box.

Let's run Chester Wanamaker out of town.

As long as we're being loose -lipped, why don't you tell us how a man who

$19 ,000 a year can own a 12 -room beach house in fabulous Waikiki?

Let's run Jim Dixon out of town.

And to really punish him, let's give his beach house to me.

As long as we're talking about sex.

a wanton woman.

It's true.

I've had intimate relations with several of the married men in this town and I'm

prepared to name names.

names now.

You just saw three people confess.

Actually, nine people.

Now, I want to see the hands of everyone else in the room who has a hidden

shame.

What did you do?

I don't want to talk about it. It happened days before I married you.

Days?

Dick's right. We've all done shameful things.

But not George.

After all, his misdeed was a youthful prank.

Our sins were much more heinous and premeditated and sometimes committed

times in one night.

Gee, I never heard of a whole town being run out before.

Where would we go?

Well, I have an idea. Since we've all done things to be ashamed of, Couldn't

just stay here? I mean, this town is too big for one person, and

I'd miss you guys.

Okay, I move we stay here for George's sake. All in favor? Aye.

Motion is carried. Town stays where it is.

Dick, thanks for defending me like you did.

George, a lot of this was my fault.

Hey, you're right.

Then, uh, thank you and damn you.

You're welcome and I'm sorry.

I hope you'll start coming to the library.

I'd like to take you into the stacks and show you a world you never knew

existed.

Tell me again why we left New York.

You thought New Yorkers were too eccentric?

Right. You want to move back? Oh, I could never show my face in that city

Not after... Not after what?

Oh, nothing.

Would you feel more comfortable talking behind a curtain?