All language subtitles for Newhart s08e04 Utley Exposed

How is everything?

Perfect. Good.

I mean, if I had to come up with one
complaint, it would be that my coffee is

not quite hot enough. But, uh... Yeah, I
can't imagine a

situation... Yeah, where I would have to

come up with a complaint.

And how is our real maid, Stephanie,
doing in Newport?

The Vanderkellens are pampering my prego
partner to death.

She's not sure she can survive another
three -day facial.

Morning, gang.

Oh, hi, Paul. Hi, Paul.

Please feel free to sit in my seat.

Oh, thanks.

Could you heat this up?

That's what I pay me for.

Dick.

I came up with a great title for your
Vermont Today special.

Hidden Shame.

The Silent Burden.

What's with the snort, Harris?

Well, it's just that when I was a VIP at
PIV, I was on top of things.

But then I was a professional producer,
not some stage manager slash donut

wrangler who just happened to kiss up to
the right head cheese.

I bet your professionalism comes in real
handy now that you're a bag boy.

Boys, boys.

Are you saying that we aren't going to
have any guests?

Dick, it's not easy finding people who
will talk about their shameful secrets,

especially in a town where no one's done
anything shameful.

I have to agree with Michael Snort.

I mean, without guests, you know, this
show is going to be lacking a certain

something. Dick, don't worry. You'll
have your guests. We're offering an

incentive.

Anyone appearing on Vermont Today gets a
free weekend at the Stratford.

Oh, goody, more work for me.

Morning. Morning, George.

Oh, hi, Paul.

Oh, hi, George.

Here, take my seat. I kept it warm for
you.

Ooh, you sure did.

See you Sunday, Dick. Bye, Joanna.

Hey, Mikey.

Clean up on aisle six.

Could you heat this up?

Why didn't you just get Paul to sit on
it?

Well, Dixers, don't worry about your
special on Sunday. I'm sure Paulie will

find you gobs of guests.

You never told me you were doing a
special Vermont today.

Sometimes I don't feel like I'm part of
your life anymore.

Well, it isn't much of a special,
George. The guests, if there are any,

going to talk about a hidden shame in
their lives and then spend a weekend at

the Stratford.

What a weird concept for a show.

Dick, would taking someone's car and
driving it into a swamp be considered a

hidden shame?

Well, unless you're one of the Dukes of
Hazzard, yes.

Why, George?

My hidden shame happened over 40 years
ago.

there was this street gang I wanted to
join. Well, actually, it wasn't a street

gang because the streets hadn't been
paved yet.

It was more a dirt road gang.

To pass my initiation, I had to sneak
into a car, turn up the radio real

loud, then run like the Dickens.

Tough gang.

Anyway, I found a car with the keys
inside and...

started it up so I could turn on the
radio.

But there was a problem.

The car was in gear.

Whoops.

That's what I said just before the car
plunged into Johnny Cake's swamp.

Would you like to go on my show and tell
your secret to the public?

No, no. This whole town thinks of me as
little Mr.

Goody Two -Shoes.

I'd hate to lose that image.

Well, we could hide you behind a screen
and alter your voice.

Like you did with that guy that squealed
on the mob?

Tommy Azari. Is that who that was? No.

Okay, you talked me into it. I'll do it.
Great.

What kind of curtain will I be hiding
behind?

Do you have anything in a red and white
checkerboard with an inch -wide gold

border?

No, system.

Plain old curtain. All right.

Heat it up, Joanna.

Heat it up, Joanna.

How does Stephanie take this crap?

And now it's a special Vermont Today
starring Dick Loudon.

Hello and welcome to a special Vermont
Today we're calling Hidden Shame.

The Silent Bird.

I guess we'll be talking about the years
spent living with shameful secrets and

the joy they felt when they unburdened
themselves.

First up is Bruce Gordon.

Hello, Bruce. Hi, Jack.

It says here you are a compulsive
gambler.

How much would you say you lost during
this period?

Well, I'd estimate it at around 60 ,000
matchsticks.

And, of course, matchsticks is a term
hardcore gamblers use to refer to

matchsticks.

So, over the years, your habit must have
cost you what?

Fifty bucks?

Well, not that much, but... But it
doesn't make my tail any less

You see, I could never get my hands on
enough matches.

Eventually, I started stealing from my
son's matchstick bridge.

I kept praying he wouldn't notice the
bridge getting lower.

And one day, he looked at me. He said,
Daddy, why doesn't my bridge

have any clearance?

Our next guest is Dorothy Benson.

Mrs. Benson's shame involves the
hopefully fascinating area of

fraud. Hello, Dorothy. Hi, Dick.

Now, what exactly do you mean by
communications fraud?

Well, for years, I phoned my sister in
Palm Springs and never paid for one

And?

Isn't that enough?

See, I phone Emily person to person and
ask for someone fictitious.

For instance, I would tell the operator
I wanted to speak to Apollo, the god of

the sun.

My sister would say, I'm sorry, Apollo
just stepped out.

That was my way of telling sis it was a
sunny day here in Vermont.

You'd actually ask the operator for the
god of the sun?

Oh, not always.

Now, I must ask for Neptune, the sea
god, if I want his sister to know my

overflowed.

Or, or, her macadachies, to say I was
feeling sexually ambiguous.

Our next... This guilt -ridden guest,
whose shame is so

ugly he won't even show his face, once
took a car and drove it into Johnny

Cake's swamp.

Better than matches and gods, huh?

Mr. X?

The old man behind the curtain.

Who, me?

I sound funny.

Hello. Hello.

Hello.

Bud, can you adjust that thing? It
sounds like I'm interviewing a Saturday

morning cartoon.

Sure thing, Dick.

I had the same problem with Tommy Azari.

Okay, Mr. X, tell us in your own words,
but not your own voice, what led to this

hidden shame.

Well, many years ago, I wanted to join
this gang, the Vermont Hooligans.

I had to find a car, turn up the radio
real loud, and run.

Well, I found a car, but there was one
problem.

left in gear, so do not turn the key.

Mr.

X? Yes, Dick?

That's George Otley.

I just want to say congrats. Nay, super
congrats.

George popping his punim over that
curtain was a brilliant fusion of

and photography.

When you see him, would you give him
this?

I talked him out of throwing rose petals
at George's feet.

There he is, Dick.

Oh, right.

Thank you very much, Dick.

Well, goodbye, everybody.

Where did he go?

My guess is Hollywood called.

What do they sound like, George? Young,
I bet.

I don't know what you're talking about,
Michael, but then I never do.

Go west, old man.

La La Land awaits.

Well, it's been nice knowing you.
George, you aren't really going to La La

No, but I am going away.

to a place where no one's ever heard of
Vermont today.

It may mean going over that hill, but
I'm prepared to do so.

Oh, George, you can't run away just
because of Dick's show.

I mean, it's not like anybody watches
it.

Even if no one watched, word will get
out, by nightfall, a torch -carrying mob

will run me out of town.

George. There might be a few small
-minded people in the town, but even

forgive you for something that happened
40 years ago.

You think?

You're right. These people are my
friends.

Thanks, Joanna. I guess I'll go unpack.

It's a good thing I didn't have my mail
forwarded or my features altered.

Attention.

At ease, Loudon family.

What's up?

We're informing everyone about the
special meeting tonight.

We're voting on whether or not to run
George Utley out of town.

Also, whether or not we should paint the
gazebo.

This is ridiculous.

I told you that gazebo's a touchy
subject.

You aren't really serious about running
George out of town.

The man committed a crime. It's our duty
to rid this hamlet of scum.

I thought you liked George.

We do.

He's a lovely man.

Being scum doesn't change that.

Historical footnote. My father, Officer
Shifflett Sr., Was sheriff of this town

when the case of the DeSoto in the swamp
with the radio on occurred.

It was the one crime he couldn't solve.

It eventually killed him.

Your father's still alive.

The story has more impact this way.

His dying wish was for me to become a
peace officer and crack this case.

Now that it's cracked, I can become what
I always wanted.

A night manager at Wendy's.

We should go. You know how long it takes
to round up a mob.

And getting it riled is a chore in
itself.

Now that my secret's out, I feel like a
cloud has been lifted.

The sky's bluer, the grass is greener.

Jim and Chester and...

Officer Shifflett was just here.

I'll go pack my bags again.

Once again, we'd like to thank George
Utley for his fine work organizing this

year's Ye Olde Apple Day Festival. Let's
hear it for George.

Not so fast, George. It's still the
matter of getting you out of town.

I was hoping you'd forget.

Normally I might have, but since Jim
gave me a beautiful pack of pen for my

birthday, I've been writing everything
down.

1995!

Now for the reason we're here. All those
in favor of running George... George?

Before you vote, I'd like to say
something in my behalf.

It was Joanna's idea.

The truth is, I'm guilty as sin.

What I did was wrong, just plain
misguided and really, really dumb.

I'd like to change what I did, but I
can't. I just hope you'll find it in

hearts to forgive me and let me stay
here until I die.

Thank you.

Okay.

All in favor of running George out of
town, raise your hand.

The citizens have spoken, George.

You have 24 hours to get out. I say we
give them till high noon tomorrow.

the traditional getting out of town
time.

I thought sundown was the traditional
getting out of town time.

No, sundown is when all the beautiful
flowers close their petals and sleep.

Someone should install a stupidity alarm
in here.

Those things are no good, Dick. Mine's
always going off for no reason.

Okay, thank you all for coming.

And George, thanks again for a
triumphant ye olde apple day.

Bye -bye, George.

Call once in a while, pal.

But this is idiotic.

You people are such a bunch of
hypocrites.

I mean, everyone in this room has done
at least one shameful thing.

Haven't you ever heard the expression,
let he who is without sin cast the first

stone? As town librarian, I'm fairly
certain that quote's from the Bible.

Well, then, as a God -fearing
Presbyterian, there is something I'm

It has to do with how Chester won the
last election for mayor.

Jim Dixon, you said you'd go to your
grave with that secret.

Well, that was before Dick made me cave
in with that fire and brimstone speech.

I don't want to spend eternity in the
hot place.

Go ahead, Dixon, spill your guts.

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Well, remember how Chester won with 50
more votes than there are people in this

town?

Well, that was because he stuffed the
ballot box.

Let's run Chester Wanamaker out of town.

As long as we're being loose -lipped,
why don't you tell us how a man who

$19 ,000 a year can own a 12 -room beach
house in fabulous Waikiki?

Let's run Jim Dixon out of town.

And to really punish him, let's give his
beach house to me.

As long as we're talking about sex.

a wanton woman.

It's true.

I've had intimate relations with several
of the married men in this town and I'm

prepared to name names.

names now.

You just saw three people confess.

Actually, nine people.

Now, I want to see the hands of everyone
else in the room who has a hidden

shame.

What did you do?

I don't want to talk about it. It
happened days before I married you.

Days?

Dick's right. We've all done shameful
things.

But not George.

After all, his misdeed was a youthful
prank.

Our sins were much more heinous and
premeditated and sometimes committed

times in one night.

Gee, I never heard of a whole town being
run out before.

Where would we go?

Well, I have an idea. Since we've all
done things to be ashamed of, Couldn't

just stay here? I mean, this town is too
big for one person, and

I'd miss you guys.

Okay, I move we stay here for George's
sake. All in favor? Aye.

Motion is carried. Town stays where it
is.

Dick, thanks for defending me like you
did.

George, a lot of this was my fault.

Hey, you're right.

Then, uh, thank you and damn you.

You're welcome and I'm sorry.

I hope you'll start coming to the
library.

I'd like to take you into the stacks and
show you a world you never knew

existed.

Tell me again why we left New York.

You thought New Yorkers were too
eccentric?

Right. You want to move back? Oh, I
could never show my face in that city

Not after... Not after what?

Oh, nothing.

Would you feel more comfortable talking
behind a curtain?