Original subtitles

Boy, Joanna makes the best roast turkey. Am I stuffed.

Joyce, that was a 24 -pound bird.

You polished off almost 23 pounds.

Joanna said she'd feed us.

Oh, when does Joanna get a reunion?

In a week.

Oh, maybe I should have left some of the mashed potatoes.

Hello, Stratford Inn.

I'm sorry, I can't understand you.

Take it easy, ma 'am. You're crying hysterically.

Michael?

What's wrong?

All right, I'll get over there as soon as I can.

And I promise I won't tell anyone you cry like a woman.

Michael's at the hospital.

Stephanie's in emergency.

Oh, no.

George, you, uh...

You stay here and watch the end and stay out of the kitchen.

Kev?

Michael, is that you?

Oh, cuppers, you can talk.

Michael, they removed her appendix, not her tongue.

How are you feeling, Stephanie?

That depends.

How do I look?

Like a pretty little piece of post -op pastry.

I feel fine.

Boy, you really gave us quite a scare last night.

Usually when you say, ew, in a restaurant, it's because they've sat us

an unattractive couple.

But when you started... clutching your side and rolling on the tile. I knew it

was brought on by physical pain and not the sight of that twosome sharing the

same ear of corn.

Oh, gee, I must have been really out of it.

All I can remember is some hysterical woman crying and screaming and running

through the hospital.

She's, uh, she's been sedated.

You've both been here all night?

Yeah, we're waiting for you to wake up.

So you're wearing the same clothes as yesterday?

Steph, you know I always carry a change in the Turbo Z.

Oh, that's right.

Dick?

I'm sorry, I forgot.

I feel so dirty.

Michael, I'm bored. I'd like to go home now.

No can do, sweet cakes. You just had major surgery.

So?

Steph, I'm sure that your doctors would appreciate your, you know, your hanging

around for a while, so that they can make sure that the incision heals

Incision?

They cut me?

They had to.

An appendix isn't the kind of thing that you can suck out.

You mean I'm scarred for life?

Well... Yeah.

Oh!

Oh, Steph, I'm sure it won't be bad.

It'll be a cute scar. I mean, you had acute appendicitis.

Promise me you won't abandon me and run off with someone unscarred. You can just

doggy bag those doubts.

You'll always... remain my one and only muffin, albeit a sliced muffin.

I don't think you realize what a lucky young lady you are.

There were complications?

Well, it's pretty unusual to give a transfusion after an appendectomy.

You put blood in me?

Fortunately, little Miss Rare Blood Type, we had some safe AB negative on

Your daughter is a pip.

Oh, she's not my... I'm tired of all this yucky

blood and scar talk.

Shouldn't my room be filled with fresh flowers and tasteful get welkins?

Look what the florist left on the forge.

That's quite an arrangement.

Yeah, anyhow.

To our darling, darling... Stephanie, we miss you, we love you, we cherish you.

Get well soon.

Must have sent her parents back a pretty penny.

Well, it's not from the Vanderkellens.

It's from all the girls at the Clinique counter at Peck's department store.

Is Stephanie home from the hospital?

Michael's picking her up. Where were you all morning?

Well, Stephanie's appendicitis got me to thinking I'm way overdue for a

physical, so I went to see old Doc Winslow.

What did he say?

Nothing really. It seems he died 23 years ago.

Anyway, his son, old Doc Winslow Jr., he examined me and said I was in tip -top

shape. That's terrific. He also said I had a little cholesterol problem, but I

don't know whether I believe any doctor who's barely out of his 60s.

The kids are taking over.

To be on the safe side, I should get more exercise and stop burning my candle

both ends.

George, I've never known you to burn your candle at one end.

I guess you missed last year's hell night at the Beaver Lodge.

I was wasted, Dick.

Direct from her. Side -splitting week -long stint in the recovery room.

Harris is tickled to present Miss Stephanie. I've lost two and a half

eating hospital food. Vanderkeller.

You know, Stephanie, I'm actually surprised I'm saying this, but things

been the same around here. That's good, Dick. Are those flowers for me?

Yeah, they just arrived.

They're from your friends at the Clinique counter at Pat's.

Nothing from the Estee Lauder counter?

Gee, nice bell.

It's sterling. It's a get -well gift from Michael.

I figured that while Steph is in her recoup mode, you know, she could just

her dinger and two of you could drop whatever silly things you do around here

and scoot to my beauty's bedside.

Isn't he thoughtful?

How long will you be recouping? Well, the doctor said seven to ten days, but I

plan on a good month.

You don't think ten days is long enough?

Well, Dick, I'm fragile and petite.

I'm not from hardy peasant stock like Joanna.

Michael, I'm fatigued from my homecoming. To my room, please.

Steph.

Oh, I forgot.

I didn't know Joanna was from hardy peasant stock.

I never saw her pull a plow.

Position the floribunda in descending order of lavishness with the buku -buck

bouquets within sniffing distance, dribbling down to those in the corner

dubious eye appeal.

That's lovely, Michael.

But I don't see Dick and Joanna.

I hid them under your sink.

I'm ready to come for less.

Hi, Dick. Are those the magazines I requested?

Yeah, I got Vogue, Mademoiselle, Glamour.

Czar and Cosmo.

Prettier than her.

Prettier than her.

Than her.

Than her.

Michael?

Oh, prettier than her.

I do the same thing with GQ.

I went to that gourmet ice cream parlor clear over in Tyville and got a quart of

hand -packed French vanilla almonds.

Oh, my very favorite. I know. That's why I didn't mind driving 46 miles on bald

tires to get it.

Where's their special hot fudge stuff?

Well, I guess if I leave now, I can be back from Tyville by dark.

I'll put this in the freezer and you let me know if you need me.

What is it, Steph?

Nothing. I just had this urge to exert some power.

Hi, I'm Larry.

This is my brother, Daryl. And this is my other brother, Daryl.

Me and Daryl picked up a little something for you.

Oh, and it's still wet.

Funny, it wasn't when we put it in there.

I'll stick these with Dick and Joanna's flowers.

To be perfectly candid with you, Miss Stephanie, that was a replacement gift.

We'd gotten you a real elegant item.

but it slithered out of Daryl's grip on the way over here.

Some gifts are just meant to run free.

I hope you're putting Daryl's gift to good use.

Oh, I don't remember getting anything from you.

It's not that putrid brocade pillow, is it?

No, that's from Dick and Joanna, too.

Actually, it's more from Joanna than... So, what did Daryl give me?

Well, remember last week when you were stricken? Yes.

And you went to the hospital?

Yes. And you had an operation?

Yes. Well, right now, you've got a fresh pint of Daryl's very own personal

blood... ...coursing through your veins.

Cool gift, huh?

Michael, I'm not happy. Do something.

There's a large leap in logic here, Larry. Just because Daryl's a donor

mean his particular plasma is pumping through Steffi's petite capillaries.

Sure it does.

They're the town's only AB negatives.

See, Daryl likes to drop by the hospital and visit his blood once a week.

His schedule permitting.

And I know he won't mind my saying that he nearly swallowed his cud when he

learned that some of his own vital fluids are whizzing through Miss

firm body.

Michael! I'm polluted!

Ew!

Be brave, Steph. I'll be by your side through this horrible ordeal.

even if it does make my flesh crawl.

Stephanie, you're making this much worse than it is. I am not! My blood's not

blue anymore.

Well, I'm glad our little get -well gift slithered away.

Although, I admit, it would have looked charming coiled around Miss Stephanie's

headboard.

Anyone for ice cream?

Nothing like a steaming ball of oat brandy.

Yum.

Is that a cheese omelet?

Yes, sir.

Cheddar?

Swiss.

Three egg omelet or four?

I used four.

Cooked in butter?

Yeah.

But, George, if this is too hard on you, I can eat in the kitchen. No, no, Dick.

I don't want to put you out. As your friend, I'm happy you have a low

cholesterol count and can stuff your face with anything.

Hi. I'm Larry.

This is my brother, Daryl.

And this was my other brother, Daryl.

You have an 8 by 10 glossy of your brother?

Well, there was a time back when that Daryl had a short -lived but lucrative

career in modeling.

I didn't know he was such a glamour boy.

A miracle of proper backlighting and airbrushing.

Well, where is Daryl?

He's been gone all night. We searched everywhere.

Daryl even combed the local discotheques.

I didn't know Daryl was a dancer.

I knew he was a model.

Daryl tends to trip the light fandango when he's bummed.

And I could tell Miss Stephanie put him in one of his dancing moods.

I'm not apologizing for it, guys, but I mean, I'm sure that Miss Stephanie never

meant to offend Daryl intentionally.

I mean, the expression you can be interpreted in any

number of ways.

Like how?

Well, like you, boy.

I'm appeased.

But Daryl here gets the feeling that you're pulling our collective chain.

Believe me, guys, that is something I would never do.

But I'm sure Miss Stephanie thinks of you as friends.

Well, a real friend doesn't go around hurting another friend.

Come on, Darryl, let's get a move on. There's got to be somewhere we haven't

searched.

Good thinking, the pound.

Poor Darryl.

Out there somewhere alone.

Who knew he'd take it this hard?

Just because he's mottled doesn't mean he can't cry.

Steph, you haven't eaten since yesterday.

You've got to nibble on something. Try the French toast.

I've lost all desire for food.

I have the blood of a woodsman running through me.

Well, I hate to be a gloomy Gus, but if you don't get some nourishment, you're

going to become anemic and you'll need even more of Daryl's blood.

Life juice.

Steph!

What's happening to you?

Oh, my God!

It's the daryl coming out in me!

Get a grip on yourself.

Maybe you were just hungry.

like some wild, demented animal.

Oh, no, thanks, pumpkin.

Larry and Daryl were just here without... without Daryl.

They're a little worried about him. They haven't seen him since he ran out of

here yesterday.

If you're going to keep yelling at me like this, you can just go away.

I didn't think I was raising my voice.

I was just...

Just relaying some news.

He's ignoring my day. I'll make him stop.

Quit tormenting her, Dick.

Can't you see my cupcake is crumbling?

Daryl.

Daryl, where have you been? Your brothers have been worried about you.

Oh, you've been out gathering...

Leeches.

Michael!

Aren't they normally used in pagan bloodletting rituals?

Well, that's very thoughtful, Daryl, but I don't think

Stephanie wants your blood sucked out of her by these little fellas.

Get those...

Give that to Dick.

I'll just put these outside.

Way at the end of the driveway.

Michael, I would like to speak to Daryl alone.

You sure, Steph?

He's been at the bog.

Don't be afraid. I'm not going to bite you.

Sit down.

Not that close.

Thank you for the leeches.

They were repulsive, but the thought was there.

and I'm sorry about yesterday.

I really am.

I guess you thought I was pretty mean to you.

Well, it wasn't on purpose.

I had a lot of stuff going through my head.

I mean, the thought of your blood in me, or anyone else's, made me just a little

testy.

Is this making any sense?

Okay.

Maybe I wasn't thinking about your feelings.

Maybe I was just thinking about myself.

Nodded pretty quickly on that one.

Daryl, I'm going to tell you something about myself that not even Michael

knows. But I can't leave this room.

There are times when I can be just the tiniest bit

self -centered.

No, really, it's true.

And this might have been one of those times.

I was rude to you, and I shouldn't have been.

I guess...

In a way, it sort of saved my life.

Maybe one day I could do something for you.

You want a muffin?

You have some crumbs there in the corner of your mouth.

Wait.

You want another one?

Here, take the whole thing.

Wouldn't you be happier eating those at the bog?

Meow.