Original subtitles

Only good.

Dick, I've got a serious personal problem, and I'd like to discuss it with

Okay. I need a nickname, Dick, and I need it soon.

Well, the first question that pops to mind is, uh, why?

Oh, the Beavers are putting out a Facebook.

Facebook. You know.

A book of pictures of our faces with our names under them.

All the Beavers except me have nicknames.

There's Dwayne Porky Moyer.

Heyman Noodle Burkhead.

George, why don't you just pick a name that you like and use it?

No, a nickname has to be a genuine reflection of how people around you feel

about you.

Come on, Dick. Finish this sentence.

I think George is... is...

is... is... is swell.

George Swelly Utley.

No good, Dick. It makes me sound like I have a condition.

Try something else.

I'll work on it, George. Okay, but I don't have much time.

I have to get a nickname and get it into general use by next Tuesday.

Morning, everybody.

Hello, morning, Joy.

Mr. Vaughn, are you going to go birdwatching with us again today?

Oh, I don't think I can, Andy.

Oh, that's too bad.

I think we're really closing in on that evening growth peak.

It'll be my loss.

Okay, well, if I see it, I'll take an extra picture for you.

Two different f -stops.

Is that the one with the crush on you?

Yeah. Isn't he cute?

Could I get in on this?

We're just talking about the little crush Andy seems to have on you.

Oh, really? I didn't notice anything.

It's in the eyes.

Maybe Dick's right. I'm probably reading too much into things.

Exactly.

What? What things?

Oh, the way he opened the door for me. The fact that he carried my binoculars

home. The eyes.

There now.

That's better, huh?

Thanks, Mr. Bond.

I probably shouldn't have gone for that second F -stop.

Told you he has a crush.

He sprained his ankle, George, that's all.

He's in pain, not love.

Isn't this sweet?

What is it?

A little haiku Andy wrote for me.

The lovely warbler.

Your eyes and voice overwhelm.

He pales, you shimmer.

Okay, he's got a crush.

Who has a crush? Andy has a crush on Joanna.

Satisfied?

Uh, I don't remember Andy having a crush on me.

He doesn't have it on you, he has it on me.

But the natural course of events would be for him to have a crush on me, feel

rejected, and then move on to you.

Unless, unless something is very wrong.

Nobody panic, but I think I'm starting to doubt myself.

Oh, dear.

Here, here.

Sweep it off.

Do not forget about this crush thing.

Honey, I was young once. All young men have crushes on older women. It's

harmless.

What do you mean, older?

Having lived more years than he.

Wait, wait, wait a minute. You can't get mad at me for saying you're older when

you are older.

I can get mad when you say older as if it were synonymous with ancient.

That's kind of how it sounded to me, too, Dick.

George.

Okay, good news.

The rebate on the espresso machine came today, so there's dinero for dinner.

What's wrong?

Michael, see that boy over there?

Yeah? He doesn't have a thing for me.

He's at that age, maybe his hormones kicked in funny or something.

It does happen sometimes, doesn't it?

Besides, Steph, you have me now, so you've probably been sending out not

-available vibes.

Don't be silly, Michael.

No, you were right the first time.

Keep this.

Poor thing.

Well, let's eat.

I want to check the gloss on those sweet lips, sweet lips.

Boy, the way you come up with nicknames is amazing.

It's a gift. Michael, I need a nickname.

Well, let's throw the old brain into first and see what we get.

I would suggest Tool Jockey.

Or Denim Dude.

Or my personal favorite, Bub.

Well, thanks, Michael. Anytime, Bub.

Have you come up with any nicknames for me?

Not yet, George.

I don't look like a bug to you.

Do I, Dick?

Not really.

What's wrong with me, Dick? Why don't I have a nickname?

George, not everybody does. I don't. Sure you do.

Dick is a nickname for Richard.

Your college friends named you Slats.

Even the fellas at the barbershop, they call you that writer guy.

You're a fountain of nicknames.

Maybe I was a bad choice.

Michael doesn't have a nickname.

Well, that's because people aren't really that crazy about Michael.

Maybe that's why I don't have a nickname.

Because no one's really crazy about me.

And I never knew until they didn't call me Bob.

What do you want, Andy?

Oh, I just wanted to return this.

Thanks. My ankle feels a lot better. Oh, good.

Yeah, super.

Well, uh, good night.

Good night, sweetie.

Goodbye.

You know, Joanna, uh, this is getting a touch out of hand, and I think, you

know, you're starting to encourage him. What?

I think maybe it's time to, you know, nip this thing in the bud.

Dick, don't be ridiculous.

I was just being nice.

He's only gonna be here... few more days, and I don't want his first crush

end with him hurt.

Come on.

Be a sport.

Well, I guess I can try not to feel threatened by a 16 -year -old.

Well, actually, I'm sort of flattered by Andy's affection.

He makes me feel less ancient.

If I were 16, I'd be crazy about him. Joanna, you want to quit now?

I'm starting to have a little trouble being a sport.

I just think the crush is a nice thing that both Andy and I can enjoy.

Joanna?

And tomorrow I'll nip it.

Come in.

It's me, Dick.

George Nothing Utley.

Joanna said you wanted to see me.

George, I spent all morning coming up with a nickname for you and I found one

think is perfect.

I don't like it, Dick.

You're a handyman, so sometimes you get... Dusty!

That's not a real good reason, Dick.

Well, besides, Dusty was the name of my favorite cowboy star when I was a kid.

And I kind of remind you of him?

Okay.

George Dusty Utley.

Hey, Dusty!

It's growing on me, Dick. Thanks.

Anytime, George. See you later.

Flat. See ya.

Dust.

Hi. Hi.

Did you talk to Andy?

Yeah.

And? And it was a good talk.

I laid the groundwork for explaining to him how this...

Infatuation is not such a good idea.

And the next time I see him, I'll definitely be able to tell him it has to

When will that be?

On our date.

Joanna, don't you think that dating him is encouraging him?

I know, Dick. I didn't want this to happen, but you know what a hard time I

saying no.

No, I don't.

I didn't want to go out with the boy on a second date. I wouldn't say no.

I'd just bring my roommate Betsy along.

And sometime during the evening, she'd tell him.

You brought Betsy on our second date.

Well, yeah, but Betsy thought you were too cute and wouldn't tell you why she

was there.

You mean we're together because Betsy wouldn't break up with me?

And I have never regretted her decision.

Honey, this isn't helping me with Andy.

still bad at saying no.

Well, then let me teach you.

Do you like Brussels sprouts?

No. Great. Seems ready for me. Okay.

I don't want to hurt him.

You want to see this for the rest of your life?

No. Just keep saying that word.

Just call me Betsy.

I don't know what to do.

It's simple. Just tell him how you feel.

But I want to let him down gently.

Then tell him how you feel in a haiku.

Hi, Jonah.

Mr. Lawton.

Are you ready to go to lunch?

Andy, I need to talk to you.

Okay.

I'm just here to... I'm just here.

Andy, I like you.

I really like you, but now I know the word but is usually followed by

negative in these situations, but in this case, what's about to come is not

really negative, but more neutral.

Now, it may not seem neutral now, but one day you'll see. Oh, I know, adults

always saying one day you'll see, but that's because we, being adults, are

older and wiser and know that one day you really will see what we are already

seeing and are now telling you.

So what I mean is, Andy, I like you.

What Joanna is trying to say, Andy, is no.

As in no, you can't go to lunch with her. No, she can't accept any more gifts

from you. And no, she can't be your girl. So cut it out, okay?

Oh.

Okay.

Sorry.

See ya.

Boy, when you say you're not good at something, you don't give yourself

credit.

But he seemed to take it pretty well.

And why did he have to be told, Dick?

Because we decided... No, you decided.

You decided that even though he'd be gone in three little days, he had to be

told today. And you decided that something was wrong with someone paying

little special attention to me. In fact, you were the only person uncomfortable

about this situation, and now you're the only one who isn't miserable.

Well, I hope you're good and happy now, Mr.

You.

Andy, why don't you have a seat?

I didn't bring you here to yell at you.

Are you going to slug me?

No, I just want to ask you some questions.

Okay.

You're leaving on Sunday, right?

Yes, sir.

Remember that flirting that you were doing with my wife?

Yeah? Start doing it again.

Sir? Start doing it again.

You told me not to. Andy, I don't want to have to go into this with you. I'm

adult, so obviously I know best.

Go flirt with my wife.

Anything special that you want me to do?

Here's some money. Go buy some flirt things. Just go wild.

All right, if I get them tomorrow morning, I have a group staying tonight.

Fine.

You don't think this is at all weird? Andy, don't analyze this thing to death.

Oh, and Andy. Yeah?

If you tell anyone about this, I'll slug you.

Morning, Dick.

Morning, George.

I mean, Dusty.

I need to talk to you. about that, Dick.

The name's not working out.

Why not?

I realize the nickname can be dangerous.

I can't even imagine.

Suppose I'm crossing a busy street.

A huge truck is barreling towards me at top speed.

But for some reason, I don't notice it.

I'm moseying along.

without a care in the world.

Suddenly, some pal of mine sees the truck, realizes the danger, and yells,

out, Dusty!

In the split second it takes me to realize I'm Dusty, I could be something

gotta put flares around.

I never thought of that.

And I never would have.

I think it's a lot safer to go through life with a name you know is yours.

Well, this has been a pretty morbid conversation.

I think I'll go to my room and practice my reaction time.

Dick,

do you want breakfast now?

No, I think I'll wait until Joanna comes in and sees Andy and...

Happiness reigns again in my little lip.

I'm turning stuff off in five minutes.

Morning. Morning.

You up?

You mad?

Yes.

At myself.

Huh? Last night I was having trouble sleeping.

It was because I was wrong.

You were?

I was so caught up in Andy's flattery that I was leading him on.

He needed to be told.

Not the way you told him.

But I'm glad it's over.

Yeah. Yeah, me.

Me, me, me too.

Hi, Joanna.

Um, these are for you. Andy, I thought we decided we weren't going to do this

anymore.

Mr. Martin, I wish you'd just go ahead and flog me. I mean, one minute you tell

me to stop, the next minute you tell me to start again and... Hold it.

Start again?

You come with me. You stay here.

That's Mr.

You.

because Minor already promised it to someone else.

Mr. Loudon.

He's the one who said it was okay to do this stuff.

Well... As much as I love Mr. Loudon, unfortunately, he is a lunatic.

Andy, you need to save your efforts for somebody who's free to care back.

And whoever she turns out to be, I'm going to be a little jealous of her.

Really? Mm -hmm.

Oh, I won't bring her here then.

Thank you.

Dick, do you want to eat now?

I think I'll wait until the yelling stops.

Will that be before or after happiness reigns?

Go away.

First of all, you acted as if that boy had no feelings. I know.

Secondly, Andy is not a pawn to be used to cheer somebody up. You're right. And

most of all, I think what you did was very sweet.

Sweet? Stupid, but well -intentioned and sweet.

Well, you know, I mean, that's what I was shooting for.

Were the roses your idea?

Well, they are your favorite.

And the note?

You love those.

And the picnic brunch?

Well, you know how crazy you are.

He invited you to a picnic brunch?

Yeah, in Vickers Park in 15 minutes.

He already bought the food.

Joanna, wait for Betsy.

Meow.